Still trying to figure out what you say to “You don’t care about us.” What is the active listening affirmation? “You think I don’t care about you?” “You’re upset that I don’t care about you”? It’s a semantic trap and she knows it, which is why she says it. Lovely talk with her therapist, however, who had this to offer:
Wow, you are really doing a good job of showing me how (angry|frustrated) you are right now. Is there another way you can show your feelings?