this is gross but i needed to make something

Straight women at gay bars/clubs are honestly so obnoxious and, because so many of them refuse to acknowledge that they are JUST AS HETEROSEXUAL as straight men, their weird straight entitlement isn’t even something you can get a lot of them to acknowledge. Between being grossed out at women asking them to dance/to buy them a drink and sometimes grossly staring at gay men making out, honestly they need to stay at home. And I’ve had straight friends tag along to gay clubs when I go our and that’s fine, but if you’re gonna be weird about it bitch stay in the house!

It would be great if yall would stop trying to force popular people to be your friend. Especially doing something gross like befriending someone just to get close to their popular friend. Some of you have good intentions, but you force it and it can make someone uncomfortable. I’ve seen plenty of people force friendship and its very uncomfortable, and if they dont want to be your friend you guilt trip them. Thats not cool, and you need to accept they just don’t want to be friends for one reason or another. Some people just want to be friends with popular people to gain attention and benefits from the relationship. Especially with artists, they try to be friends just to get free art. This is bad and you really need to stop.

STRANGE SENTENCE STARTERS —— for the creative writer in you. Send these in and see what your partner comes up with as a scenario!

*These are completely interchangeable, they’re just in categories to make it easier for all of y’all.


  • “How many times are you going to do that, exactly?”
  • “You were right. As per usual.”
  • “Sometimes it’s hard to see the lines you’ve drawn until you’ve crossed them.”
  • “You’re surprised because you have a soft spot for hot blondes.”
  • “Is that – that’s a naked Scarlett Johansson on your fridge.”
  • “You can stay, but for no more than two nights.”
  • “Please don’t look in this drawer. Please.”
  • “I told you not to pick him up, he’s very sensitive.”
  • “Yes. I might have given you rabies. But in my defense, that’s ridiculous and I didn’t.”
  • “I’m sorry, my cell phone data coverage does not cover the bullshit zone you’re in.”
  • “Hey! Give me your pants. Quick, give me your pants.”
  • “No, I’m serious. Stop it right now or I won’t give you the last cookie.”
  • “You think I’m kidding. But I’ve never been more serious about anything in my entire life.”
  • “How much would a stripper cost and why so much?”
  • “I’m going to buy you a drink. Next week. On Thursday. When I get paid. Can you swing this one?”
  • “Hippos are hungry, hungry! And you are considerably larger than a small piece of lettuce!”
  • “When I was little, I used to be afraid of mummies. And now look at me. I love dead people!”
  • “I don’t even miss my ex-boyfriends/girlfriends, I just miss my glockenspiel.”
  • “It happens to everyone, you just sell your skirt for some coke.”
  • “Please do not pull your pants down in front of baby Jesus.”
  • “That’s not the phrasing you want to use.”
  • “Because nothing says heterosexuality like a gold sash.”
  • “Please don’t take it out on my boobs.”
  • “When it gets really windy I look like a bizarre combination of Marilyn Monroe and Cousin It.”
  • “We have to change our names and run away to Mexico. It’s the only way. Adios.”
  • “How much money do you have on you?”
  • “Please tell me that’s a raisin and not a tiny hamster shit you’re eating.”
  • “Life is a lot better when you put things on your head.”
  • “For someone who’s not very deep, I’m incredibly not shallow.”


  • “I need you to remind me what it feels like to love you.”
  • “I love you. What? No I don’t. Forget I said anything.”
  • “I need you to tickle my feet but like, sexually.”
  • “If we got married, would I have to take your last name? Or could we just make up a new one?”
  • “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
  • “I heard you say his/her name in your sleep last night. Want to explain or should I just leave?”
  • “I want to spend the night with you tonight. But I also want to sleep on your side. And without you on the bed. So technically I just want your bed.”
  • “Please don’t be proposing to me in an empty parking lot.”
  • “Stop saying you’re sorry, you stupid fucking broken record. It’s done.”
  • “I’m not jealous, I’m curious. About the things you were doing. With him/her. Without me.”
  • “Your mother’s looks could kill. Actually, are you sure they haven’t before?”
  • “If you’re breaking up with me tonight, can I at least eat first?”
  • “Stop sweating. It’s not attractive during sex, and it’s not attractive now.”
  • “Are you – are you checking me out? In the line for the confessional?”
  • “We have to go. I might have told your mom I’m pregnant. I don’t know why I said that. I’m not.”
  • “So what you’re saying it that you’re snorting sugar to get excited for sex.”
  • “My dog licks better than you do.”
  • “But through every stupid thing you do and say – and those are a lot, by the way – I love you.”
  • “I don’t care if you’re growing another head. I’ll talk to both of them. I love you.”
  • “And I’d take fifty years of not talking to you for just a day of doing so. I promise that’s a compliment.”
  • “I don’t want to hide this anymore. I’m not some dirty little secret, you American Reject.”
  • “This is a bit too dramatic for my taste, so can we skip it and have sex instead?”
  • “I don’t want you to think of me as your personal sex toy.”
  • “Thanks and all, but that makes me feel like a low-class escort, so.”
  • “A kiss in exchange for every nice thing you say about me. Deal?”
  • “Promise me you’re not like him/her. I need to hear it from your mouth. Promise me.”
  • “Look, I’ve had my heart broken before. I’m not ready to let you in just yet. Anywhere.”
  • “Don’t leave me here. Anywhere else, okay, but not here.”
  • “I wish I could say that was the worst sex I ever had, but I’ve had worse.”
  • “I just blew you. Could you look a little happier about it?”
  • “I’m attracted to shiny things, so if it looks like I’m staring at your chest, it’s because I am.”


  • [text] This is upsetting my poop.
  • [text] Hey, are you up? If you’re not, can you wake up? I need some help.
  • [text] So it involves feces and large birds.
  • [text] She said that to you? Why?
  • [text] Please come back. I miss you.
  • [text] What are you good for if you’re not gonna bring me ice cream?
  • [text] Can you ignore that last text? It wasn’t meant for you. I’m sorry.
  • [text] …did you just send me a nude?
  • [text] I don’t know why I said that.
  • [text] Leave it to you to fuck the simplest of requests up.
  • [text] Do we have to go to their wedding? He’s only my first cousin.
  • [text] How much does ‘I love you’ mean to you?
  • [text] I am not stalking you. But you should do something about your bathroom, it’s gross.
  • [text] Please. I need this so badly.
  • [text] I trust you completely.
  • [text] I’m a genius. You’re a peasant. Everything makes sense again.
  • [text] Hey, buddy! Got like, five hundred bucks I can borrow? Times ten.
  • [text] She lost it. She completely lost it. She said her uterus was attacking her bone marrow.
  • [text] I will not get you donuts.
  • [text] Please? I love you.
  • [text] I think I’m gonna go to sleep now, but you keep thinking that.
  • [text] I can’t say this out loud. They might be listening.
  • [text] I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t think he’d duck when the ball came at him, I’m sorry.
  • [text] You’re cute.
  • [text] I just need you to understand how important you are to me.
  • [text] Fuck off.
  • [text] Okay. Guess we’ll leave it at that then.

you can find fashion advice on how to make things more visually manageable and more comfortable, but for bigger guys some of those tips don’t apply and some issues will come up anyway. here’s some stuff I could’ve stood to know last year.

  • if you feel the need to layer or wear something thick, sleeveless hoodies exist. they can save you a bit of heat.
  • take off layers when you can. wash carefully in the folds of your skin, dab moisture away occasionally during the day, and wash your binders OFTEN.
  • fungal infections: for bigger guys, these can happen between and under breasts. if you notice a vinegary smell when you unbind, that’s what that is. afaik there’s no massive health risk from this kind of thing on your skin, but still try to keep those areas dry and clean.
  • you might get some pimples on your chest, which is fine.
  • you might also get sebaceous cysts. LEAVE THEM ALONE. do not try to pop them yourself, it increases risk of infection. they’ll probably go away on their own; if one becomes inflamed, see a doctor.
  • in the heat, your binder will stick to your skin more and the shoulder straps will dig into your skin. don’t wait until you’re bleeding - if it feels raw at all, pad your straps. you can get bra strap pads online, or just make your own with whatever you have handy.
  • lastly: drink a lot of water. you’re wearing layers, and binders are skintight. you will sweat more.

I know everything is gross + miserable but hang in there and take care of yourself.

actual-snow-white  asked:

I just saw a Facebook video about animal cafes in Japan, like cat cafes and even owl cafes. How do you feel about these? I honestly wonder how well taken care of they are.

My general gut response is to start screaming about the lack of biosafety. Like, there’s a reason animals aren’t allowed in areas that do food preparation - I’m sure you could have a rigorous cleaning schedule and make religiously sure that people who do food prep are really carefully separated from the animal areas but… ehhh…. it just still sounds pretty gross. 

From a behavior standpoint, well-done cat cafes can function like meet-the-cats shelter spaces and do help with adoptions. They need to be well run with attention to giving the cats breaks and making sure they’re not overwhelmed, but they can be good. I haven’t been to any and it’s kind of hard to parse that information from websites (especially non-american ones) so I can’t say either way if that’s something they do. 

Owl cafes are a different matter - the short answer is no, why, stahp. They’re nocturnal predators with no domestication who have no inherent affiliative interest in humanity. Everything about it is wrong, stressful for the animals, and unless they’re restraining their feet and beak somehow just like seriously unsafe for the people who go there. They play into the whole anthropocentric “everything should love humanity so it’s okay for us to assume it’s always okay for us to want to cuddle it” crap that’s been really popular in Japan lately. 

Binding Tips

Okay so I’m going to do this for afab bros out there because it’s super important.

1) Never. Ever. Sleep with your binder on. When you sleep you breathe more and then your ribs get all tight and just, you need those.
2) Don’t wear your binder for more than 8-10 hours at a time. Your body needs a break.
3) If you’re relaxing, take it off. You don’t know how tired you might be and you might fall asleep and then break your ribs and once again, you need those.
4) Don’t exercise with your binder on. You need to breathe!
5) Don’t wear it when you’re sick. You might already be coughing and sneezing and you don’t need something making it so you can’t breathe either.
6) Get two if you can. They get gross real quick so you might need one for when the other is washing.

I know I probably missed some stuff so I’m sure one of the other mods will add on later. But really, be safe! I know dysphoria sucks but, you need to breathe.

Platonic Sentence Starters
  • [ Requested by Anon forever ago! Sorry for taking so long! : ]
  • "I would punch someone for you."
  • "I set up a blanket fort in the living room."
  • "You made me a blanket fort?!"
  • "Do you mind if I cuddle up next to you?"
  • "I love a good cuddle. Come here!"
  • "Here, I brought you some comfort food."
  • "Do you want me to order some pizza or something gross for you to indulge in?"
  • "You'd tell me if I got fat, right?"
  • "Can you look at my eye and tell me if there's something wrong with it?"
  • "We can hug it out if you want."
  • "Your smile is contagious, you know."
  • "You weren't supposed to cut yourself. Here's a bandaid."
  • "Are you up to going out to eat?"
  • "I got up and made some coffee so you'd have some before you left. No thanks needed."
  • "Real talk, I support you and everything you do."
  • "Don't real talk. It makes me think you're getting too sappy."
  • "It's okay to cry. I'm here for you."
  • "You had a bit too much to drink last night, so I put you to bed before you got into trouble."
  • "If you're nervous, you can hold my hand."
  • "I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you."
  • "Oh, I'm sure you'd have someone else to support you. You're pretty great."

anonymous asked:

Could you do a Jeff Atkins imagine of being Clay's twin sister and a good player on the girls soccer team and like Monty and Bryce keep harassing you because you're good looking but you can't stand them because they're jerks and Jeff comes to you're rescue when they get aggressive because he considers Clay and you friends and most of all he likes you (and you obviously like him back)??

title: i am lying in wait

word count: 1143

note: it took me writing this fic to realize how much i actually love jeff atkins he’s a cinnamon roll can i just like……. save him……….

Most of the time, attention had never bothered you. In fact, you were used to having all eyes on you. Being one of the best players on the Liberty High girls’ soccer team had proven time and time again that having people notice you all the time just came with the skill. You could, however, discern which attention was unwanted.

High school boys, for the most part, were really fucking stupid. You’d come to this conclusion on your third day of freshman year when Bryce Walker and Justin Foley had come into school smelling of weed and obviously very high. You made a mental note to never get involved with a boy until you were out of high school and into the world of college; you changed your mind when your twin brother, Clay, introduced you to Jeff Atkins, a boy in your grade whom Clay had met in his World History class.

Three years of flirting with one another had led nowhere. It was obvious that you liked Jeff and he liked you back, but it never happened. You were too shy to say anything to him about it and he wasn’t sure if he could bring it up on his own, so there you were, stuck in an endless flirtationship.

Soccer practice was always during the same time basketball practice was, but the basketball players were always done and out before the soccer kids were. You were running defense drills when the boys showed up to sit in the bleachers that lined the field; Bryce and Montgomery were there, as usual, with those shit-eating grins ever ingrained on to their face.

“Looking good, [Name],” Bryce shouted after you.

“Hell yeah, babe! Those shorts are extra short today,” Monty added.

If your face hadn’t already been burning from the effort you were putting into today’s practice, you’d be flushed from embarrassment. Thankfully, your coach came to your rescue the first time, yelling at them to not distract her players. It kept them from making remarks for a while until she left to get some more soccer balls from the gym to practice passing.

As the remarks went on, they grew more and more aggressive. It was obvious these guys were creeps, they always had been, but it made you feel like shit when they objectified you like that. You had to focus extra hard on passing to your partner to block out the comments. Nevertheless, they persisted.

Jeff was just leaving the library, his backpack slung carelessly over his shoulder as he made his way to the soccer field. He always stayed for your practices so he could drive you home and talk with you. Tutoring with Clay was getting done just as the coach was clearing the field, telling the girls to rest up for the game that weekend. He could have sworn he’d be able to hear those sickening catcalls from two of the biggest jerks on campus from three miles away.

As the bleachers came into view, he could see you seated on the very edge of the bottom row, your head down and your eyes focused on switching into a more comfortable pair of shoes instead of your cleats. Bryce and Monty had moved to sit in the two seats above you, and it was clear you were as uncomfortable as could be. With no signs of the two stopping, Jeff approached.

“Come on, [Name], we just think you’re really sexy,” Bryce was throwing down endless nicknames that made you feel worse by the second.

“Hey, Jensen!” Jeff called, smiling brightly in your direction; he could clearly see how relieved you were when he showed up. He grew closer and you stood up, focusing your attention on him instead of the two assholes behind you in the bleachers. The baseball player wrapped a protective arm around your shoulder as he glared up at them. “These guys giving you trouble?”

“Just a little,” you said, shrinking against his side.

“Aw, come on, babe. We were just complimenting you,” Monty supplied, a sickening smirk on his face, one that mirrored the one on Bryce.

You wanted to fold in on yourself, melt into a puddle right there on the sidelines, do anything that would get you away from the two basketball players who made your life a living hell when they were around. What they said was gross, something that really shouldn’t ever be said, yet here they were, clearly making you uncomfortable.

“Listen, de la Cruz. She’s not your babe. I suggest you stop treating her like she’s some piece of meat you can have. She’s clearly uncomfortable with what you’re saying to her and it needs to stop. Learn how to treat a girl and maybe you’ll finally get one,” Jeff retorted quickly, his free hand clenching into a fist.

He didn’t even wait for them to respond; they looked dumbfounded. As they stared, Jeff grabbed your duffel bag, slung it over his other shoulder and coaxed you to his car, a sympathetic look on his face.

“Sorry if what I said back there seemed possessive or something like that,” he apologized as he tossed your bag in the back seat and opened the passenger door for you. “I just know that they’ve been harassing you for a while now and I was getting really mad about it.”

“Thanks. I didn’t have the courage to tell them to stop and even if I did, I don’t think they would have taken no for an answer.”

“It’s no problem.”

The car was silent as Jeff pulled out of the student parking lot. You turned to look at him and rested your hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.

“Seriously. That was really nice of you to do for me.”

He didn’t turn to look at you, but you could see the smile that pulled at the corners of his lips as you spoke your second thanks. When your hand pulled away from his shoulder and you looked back to the road in front of you, his right hand reached overs to grab yours.

“It’s not right that he was calling you babe and all that. Those are reserved for, like, boyfriends.”

You raised an eyebrow and glanced at him out of the corner of your eye. “Really? Are you trying to tell me something, Jeff?”

The blush creeped adorably fast onto his cheeks and you giggled quietly, intertwining your fingers with his.

“Am I?”

“You know, if you wanna call me nicknames like that, I’m okay with it.”

The roses bloomed an even deeper shade of red, adorning his cheeks with an adorable flush that made him look heavenly in the golden sunshine.





“You think if we go to Rosie’s right now, we could consider it a first date?”

“Gonna ask me out, Atkins?”



Boyfriend Series; The8/Minghao

- minghao is the cutest boyfriend ever don’t even argue with me on this
- for your first date, he takes you to the roof of the highest place in the city at night and the cool breeze feels so nice and the stars are scattered all over the dark blue sky
- you turn to him and ask “minghao, why are we here??”
- and right after you say that, one firework shoots up into the sky and another and another
- minghao knew about the fireworks show and wanted you both to have the best view
- and on that roof is where you both share your first kiss
- he’s a bit of a worrier, so he often calls to ask you if you’ve eaten yet or if you slept well or if your day went well ISN’T HE CUTE
- you both make it your goal to try all the restaurants in the city so you guys go out for breakfast/lunch/dinner dates every day
- his eyes sparkle when you ask him to tell you all about china and he gets so excited while talking about his hometown
- apologizes cutely when he realizes he talked too much but you’re like no!!! keep going i love hearing about this!!! and his face just lights up
- he calls you tiánxīn (sweetheart) and qīn'ài de (darling) and you die
- he’s shy when it comes to having matching couple things, but after realizing that it would make you happy, he decides to get you both matching scarves
- minghao once tied your scarf for you and the other members all teased him about it because it was so k-drama
- but they stopped when he went all thughao on them
- remembers every single one of your achievements and always tells you how proud he is of you, which helps you feel so much better on bad days
- whenever you guys take pictures of each other, minghao always insists you send them to him right away so he can put one as his lock screen
- he also really loves photo booth pictures
- he hangs them up on his wall at the dorm and junhui points at you and goes like “ohhh who’s that cutie??” and minghao just glares at him like don’t. you. effing. dare.
- always wants to kiss you but he’s shy so you’re usually the one who initiates the kisses
- one time HE was the one who initiated the kiss and when you both pulled away his face turned bright red and he apologized for being so forward
- minghao loves forehead kisses
- maybe even a tiny bit more than kisses on the lips
- he finds them so warm and comforting, sometimes when you’re leaning in for a kiss he purposely lowers himself so that you’d kiss his forehead instead
- “(laughs) minghao i was aiming for your lips” “ohhh right”
- always tries to impress you with his b-boying and jihoon bans you from coming to dance practices because they never progress while you’re there
- gets you cute small gifts like ribbons and keychains and says “it looked like something you’d like” and you know what HE’S ALWAYS RIGHT
- takes care of you when you’re sick like he buys you medicine, makes you hot soup and tea, gets you 28379 blankets, makes sure you’re comfortable
- he just wants you to feel better again because he doesn’t like seeing you this way
- gets so flustered when you wear his shirts and junhui teases him about it
- you made his “lipstick chateau” your ringtone and he screams for you to pick it up the second it rings
- “why would you make that your ringtone???”
- since he complained about it a lot you changed it……. to his girls’ generation cover of lionheart and he was like oh. my gosh. i give up
- the type to go like “race you there” and does fricking backflips while racing with you and you’re like wtf
- honestly an amazing listener
- you could rant to him for hours on end and he’d just listen attentively while giving great advice every now and then
- loves cuddling but he’s shy so INITIATE IT AND YOU’LL CUDDLE FOR HOURS
- actually really loves holding your hand and makes excuses to hold it like “ohhh my hands are cold”, “hold my hand so i don’t get separated from you” and you’re like minghao you’re so obvious lmao
- scolded you when you tried to copy his b-boying because he was afraid you were going to get hurt
- hugs and finger hearts
- tells you he loves you in chinese
- surprisingly really protective of you like once he went to the washroom and when he came back out he saw this guy flirting with you
- he normally doesn’t like confrontation but the SECOND he saw him touch you, he walked over and pulled you close to him
- “sorry to interrupt you, but we’re leaving now. punk.”
- seeing him this way made you feel all warm inside
- his dream is to one day take you to china with him to meet his family and explore all the places and take thousands of pictures together
- gets you thoughtful gifts like once you told him you needed new socks because your current ones are all gross and ripped up
- and the next day he showed up with a little box to give to you and when you opened it, there were like four pairs of socks and you cried
- minghao gets nervous when you cry of happiness because he thinks it’s of sadness and he’s all like “did i do something wrong?? did i make you cry??”
- asks mingyu and seokmin to teach him how to cook your favorite meal so he can make it for you
- minghao is honestly the kindest and most thoughtful boyfriend ever, he cares so much about your well-being and always makes sure you’re smiling when you’re together
- he may feel homesick sometimes and he may get exhausted from practicing for days on end and he may be lacking several hours of sleep
- but the second he sees you
- he knows he’ll be all right
- “repeat after me: (in chinese) i love you minghao”
- “(in chinese) i love you minghao”
- “(laughs) (in chinese) i love you too”


so I just had a random creepy thought while writing that feysand fic last night.

Remember how Tamlin and Feyre had separate bedrooms? And in the beginning of acomaf it was like he would come to her when he was in the mood for sex? That just struck me as super gross, because basically he’s saying “we don’t really need to be together in the same room, but if I need a piece of ass I’ll come find you and let you know”. I know this is something that people have done, historically, (and still do?) it just makes him so much worse, to me.

Just… ew.

A Beginner's Guide to Detoxing

For tmphenomenon:

I was looking forward to writing this for you because I love seeing young, black people do things to better their overall health (so we can be fine and sexy forever and slay into eternity, Amen). ALSO, ‘CAUSE, YOU’RE FAM FOR LIFE!!!

Why people detox:

When we enjoy delicious ass shit from our affordable fast food restaurants, we are destroying our body. Most of the time, the food we eat has been fried, dyed, processed, “enriched,” packaged, repackaged, and distributed, so by the time it gets to us it’s not really even food, though it tastes fucking amazing. It really messes with our internal health and perspective, clouding our judgment and fucking up our life. The healthier you eat and drink in general, the more clarity you have.

To combat the nasties, your body needs mini-cleanses every now and then so your digestive system can properly eliminate the bad, allowing for the absorption of good vitamins and nutrients we actually need. This strengthens your immune system and cleanses the blood. It also helps to block certain negative creepy crawlies that try to infect our cells.

The body eliminates toxins via the kidneys, intestines, lungs, skin, and lymph nodes, but most of the time it’s using all of its energy to break down everything we eat. Therefore, the toxins just float around and wreck havoc because the body ain’t got time to kick them out.

Buckle, up! Here we go! 


Food + drinks:

1. Lots of liquids- this flushes out all the bad stuff. It’s good that you already drink lots of water, but we need to kick that up a notch with herbs that will help cleanse your liver and colon, bettering your overall digestive health. I, of course, being a ratchet hippie, recommend tea. 

 a) infuse water overnight (slices of cucumber or lemon in a bottle). See tumblr for the chart of when is best to drink water for the most benefits + recipes at bottom.

b) green tea or herbal tea, start off with green +honey then work your way up 

c) juice! -fresh, not-from-concentrate, not- bullshit into thinking it’s healthy

You don’t even need a juicer, honestly. pour some water in a blender and spinach in there. BOOM. juice.

2. Fresh fruits and veggies (it’s cheaper to do this in smoothie-form). Big bags of spinach, bananas, and whatever fruit you blended up in a cheap blender (I got my from Wal-Mart for $15 and found another one at Goodwill for 3).

3. Fiber: This will help your body get rid of the toxins easier. I recommend eating at least one of the following ever day: brown rice, sprouted bread (NOTHING “enriched,” that just means bleached to look pretty -__-), cabbage, broccoli, spirulina, chlorella, etc. Fruits and veggies have an ass of fiber, so if you’re already eating those, you’re good.*

*If you don’t want to do the actual work, I recommend Bolthouse farms green juices. They taste good, have no preservatives, and are like 2.35 for 8 servings at Aldi. If y'all don’t have Aldi, I’ll get you some. Also, a lot of people mix these with water to stretch them, but also to make sure your body isn’t overwhelmed.

4. Take some type of vitamin. When I was drunk I ranted about “eating the rainbow,” because different colors correspond to different essential nutrients we need to survive the human experience. These colors also correspond to the 7 chakras. If you’re eating right, it balances other aspects of your life as well. Most of the time ain’t nobody got money or time for that, so buy a cheap one-a-day multivitamin so you won’t shock your body during detox.

What do the colors of fruits and veggies mean? (pic via @catasana)

Blue/purple= high antioxidant + balance bood pressure

Green= remove toxins and carcinogens, also sources of vitamin K, folic acid, omega 3 fatty acids

Yellow= Lutein (good for eyes), healthy fats, pretty skin

Red= powerful antioxidants 

Orange= vitamins A +C

Tans/weird beiges–usually high fiber content

5. Healthy fats- Depending on how long you want to detox, you’ll need to reintroduce heavier foods into your diet, after mostly eating fruits, vegetables, seeds, etc., so you won’t shock your body when you eat a piece of pizza

Try: Salmon, avocados, walnuts, etc.

6. Simply substitute slowly (alliteration for that ass!) Going cold turkey will make you miserable. Instead of french fries, get sweet potato fries. Instead of ranch dressing, get Italian or something oil/vinegar based. Instead of iceberg lettuce (which is honestly trash, and I would slap the fuck out of anyone who tried to serve it to me), get romaine. 

1 month detox:

First week: just drink one green smoothie/drink/tea (or eat your fill of fruit) every morning and don’t change anything else. Soon your body will start to crave whatever is in your smoothie.

You can also alternate between a green smoothie, a scrambled egg on toast w/ avocado, or BOTH. Whatever else you want that’s not like… frosted flakes you can pretty much have. You just want you body to get into a routine. Avoid heavy, delicious foods like pancakes, pasta (anything wheat-based. we’re prepping your digestive system) and no candy +sugar.

Second week: Make your breakfast AND lunch “green.” Have a big ass salad or lots of vegetables with a side of sweet potatoes or something. NO CHEESE (feta/goat cheese is okay though–easier for body to digest and less allergenic). We’re not even supposed to have dairy products, because it doesn’t agree with our systems at all, plus it’s gross (but so delicious).

I tell non-vegetarians that it’s okay to have chicken and lighter choices, but stay away from beef and dairy products. Listen to your body. Once it’s detoxing, you’ll start to crave everything you DON’T need to have. Especially sugar. Pretty much any fast food we eat is jacked up on sucrose. 

The first 2-3 days you might feel super crappy because your body is ridding yourself of toxins, but  once you get past that you’ll have an unusual amount of energy.

Third week: If you made it past the cravings hurdle, up the ante. Have a green juice before bed as well as in the morning. Stick with your one green meal for lunch or dinner. It is important that you eat enough, otherwise you will feel weak. Plants and herbs give you a lot of energy but you need to EAT them and drink them. We feel full after eating a burger but lethargic the next day because we just poisoned our body. We feel awesome after having a big ole salad because we basically just ate direct sun energy.

Last week: Listen to your body. The first time I did any kind of detox, I was so eager to stick to a plan, but every plan doesn’t work for everybody. Your body will tell you what it needs and by this time you’ll know what it is you’re supposed to be eating and drinking. It takes 21 days to break a habit (I don’t know if this is true, but let’s go with that).

Also, your body might not need a full month, and it might need longer than a month. You can tell how you’re doing by your energy level, whether or not you had a detox reaction (the feeling crappy, almost flu-like), and if you’re shitting regularly. 

Common types of detoxes:

Some people detox for weight loss, health issues, or just want to give their bodies a break. From what I’ve experienced, here are the most popular types:

1) Strictly juicing/liquids: unfeasible for you because you’re on your feet all day or using your energy on snapchat. The longest I’ve seen someone do a juice cleanse is for 41 days, but usually they’re 3-5, just to give your body a break)

2) All green- basically, no animal products and not a lot of processed food. Plant-based/(80/20 raw/cooked) are common forms. If you eat pasta/fries/pizza, you make it yourself and know all the ingredients going into it. Be cheap and buy frozen fruits and vegetables and make stir fry. Whatever you want to learn how to make, check out organigasm’s instagram and I’ll send you the recipe. It doesn’t have to be flavorless and fucking boring to be healthy.

3) Paleo- Yes: Fruits, Vegetables, Seafood, Nuts & Seeds, Healthy Fats, Lean Meat. No: Dairy, Grains, Processed Food, Processed Sugar, Legumes, Starches, Alcohol. Honestly, I think this diet is a fad that comes up with different names every few decades. Seriously, a bunch of rich people use this to diet or have “healthy lifestyles,” but thousands upon thousands of families don’t have access to these types of foods. I digress.


1. Set your intentions when you wake up in the morning. Example: “Today, will be fan-fucking-tastic,” or you can thank the creator or thank your body for helping you out with your shenanigans. Keep it to yourself, write it down, shout it out, whatever. You need to start your day with positive thoughts to ensure you have the willpower to make it. You will crave everything you DO NOT need.

2. Work-out at least 30 minutes a day, and if you can’t do that, try 3/7 times a week. Start somewhere. Dance it out when you get out of the shower, walk down the street at a fast pace–whatever, again, just get moving.

3. For strength of body and mind, I recommend yoga, and I hope your stubborn ass considers it (it also makes for fun sex, I’m just saying).

Here’s a link to good poses for detoxing: + youtube and netflix have free videos FOR NOOBZ!#@

4. Before you go to bed, clear all the negative energy you can. I’m not gonna get into all the stuff, but like when you woke up, write it down, draw it out, etc.

Doing this throughout the detox will allow you to clear your mind and determine what works for you during this new journey!

5. Get enough sleep–This is a tough one, but while you’re sleeping your body does the most incredible things. Seriously, you will thank yourself. Even if you only get 4 hours of sleep, getting 15 extra minutes, then gradually increasing REALLY helps.

Final tips:

1. eat your biggest meal at lunchtime (your metabolism is peaking from about 12pm-8pm)

2. SLEEP. Seriously. Your body is healing you. Let it help.

3. I will help you meal prep, but frozen vegetables + canned beans, packaged nuts keep the costs of detoxing low. Also, farmer’s have good ass prices. Take a fine honey on a date to the farmer’s market and cook a sexy meal afterwards.

4. Try new things. Seriously. You can’t eat a cucumber and an apple every day and expect magic to happen. 

5. Don’t overcook anything. Leave that broccoli a little crunchy. Don’t kill the nutrients, bro.

6. cheat! allow yourself one day during the first two weeks to cheat on your detox, or whenever you fucking feel like. you deserve rounds… of krispy kreme donuts. TREAT. YO. SELF. 

7. Don’t count calories, or carbs, or whatever the fuck the newest pyramid says to do. 

Good Water Infusion Combos:

1. lemon/lime +mint + honey

2. strawberries, blueberries

3. pineapple + basil

4. grapefruit/orange

5. mango + peaches

6. apple+ cinnamon + honey 

Final thoughts: Really, once you get used to it, you’re always detoxing. Even drinking a cup of tea a day and still eating like shit is better than nothing.  Just be kind to yourself. It’s a process, and I’m still learning, but I get better every day. Good luck! I’m always here to help. 

Now, let’s go detox, y'all.


anonymous asked:

I'm 14 y/o boy (just graduated 8th grade) and I've been dating this guy who is 25. He has a good job and always takes me to dinner and movies. And when he goes shopping he takes me and asks if I want anything so I occasionally get something. We met at the movie theatre lobby. He caught me staring and talked to me. We make out all the time and dry hump in just our underwear but haven't had actual sex yet. He thinks I'm 16 and said he would wait a year for me. Do I tell him the truth?

Ummmm this is actually kinda gross??? That’s like rlly illegal tbh !! You need to stop seeing him and cut off ties . he thinks your 16 (which is still illegal since he’s 25) you need to cut it off ASAP !!!


I really want to make this post to apologize to the younger generation (if some of you guys follow me which I’m sure you do), I don’t post it often like at all BUT I have posted in general like graphics about ////Sheith and stuff and I need to apologize for doing this.

I did not know, at all, until tonight that Shiro is a 25 year old man and Keith is a teenager. THIS. IS. NOT. OKAY!

I apologize to my younger followers for promoting something that is so gross and scary and normalizing it. Adult/minor relationships ARE NOT OKAY, PLEASE!

Stay safe. I’m sorry for promoting something so inappropriate, it won’t be happening again. Have a good night, guys.

apanoplyofsong  asked:

OKAY I think I finally came up with an actual prompt?? Something to the effect of "we adopted a pet together and now my mom/whoever definitely thinks we're dating whoops"

10/10 any prompt with pets in it is an excellent prompt. hope you like it and thanks for being such a great friend! (ao3)

The thing about Bellamy Blake, as Clarke well knows, is that he’s incapable of not caring for things smaller and more defenseless than he is. Not when he could help instead. She knew this when he moved in with her. She knew it from the first time he gave drunk Raven a piggyback the whole way home.

What she didn’t know was how it would affect her life once he becomes her roommate.

It starts innocently enough, with Bellamy hanging a bird feeder on the balcony after he finds a nest built into a crevice there.

“How much research did you do last night?” Clarke asks, amusedly interrupting his verbal pros-and-cons rundown of different models at Home Depot. She’d come along in part because she thinks it’s funny, how worried he is about these birds who can ostensibly take care of themselves.

(She’d also come along because it’s really cute, but that’s neither here nor there.)

“I may have looked at a few comparison charts online,” he admits, smiling sheepishly. “I don’t want to spend good money on something that isn’t going to work the way I want it to.”

“I didn’t know there was a wrong way a bird feeder could work.”

“Hence the research.”

She shakes her head fondly and taps the smallest option. “Just get this one. We’re looking to feed one family, not the whole forest.”

He stares for another moment, then nods and starts putting the rest of the boxes back on the shelf.

“How come you’re never this decisive when we’re picking a restaurant for dinner?”

“My muse is fickle, Bellamy.”


Keep reading

I Can Feel You (M)

Anon said: Can I have a long ass multiple round fluffy cute lovey dovey ass smut with Wonho and face sitting and roughish sex? 🙈🙈🙈🙈 

A/N: this long fic turned multichaptered and you’ll get what you asked for.  For now enjoy the ride.

Wonho/ female reader; WC 1500; phone sex; mature themes

Ch 1: The Wait

You slung your bag off your shoulder and threw it on the couch as you entered the kitchen to your home.  You were tired, your brain was sluggish, and honestly you just needed to relax.  You grabbed a bottle of red wine out of the fridge and threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave.  At least it was the weekend and you could finally relax.  You poured a little of the wine into your glass and took a sip leaning back onto the kitchen island.  At this time you wished your boyfriend was around to rub your shoulders.  

Keep reading

Parallels, Grey Areas, and Choices

Felicity has been working with Oliver/GA for 4+ years now. She has always and knowingly operated in the grey areas being part of a vigilante team pretty much dictates. This includes hacking into, well, places only she (or Cooper or her father) can really hack into. [See: SCPD, Merlyn Global, Iron Heights, satellite systems, etc.]

Oliver has long lived in the grey. From his days as a playboy with questionable judgment and even more questionable morals, to being forced into life or death situations on the island, to getting off the island only to have to work for A.R.G.U.S. – perhaps the epitome of ‘grey area’. Oliver has had to make decisions for years now that aren’t as simple as a yes or no, instead a chess game trying to determine your opponent’s next three moves not just the next one. He’s made promises to living and (now) dead members of his inner circle with the best of intentions only to be forced to make, again, decisions straddling right and wrong, black and white. To kill or not to kill, that is the question…justification perhaps a bit less simple every next time it’s required.

That being said, Felicity has also attempted to live in the black and white. I don’t think it’s a matter of that being a better way to live for her, but more that because she’s (by way of being part of a vigilante team) forced to live in that grey area, she wants some part of her life to be black and white. [There’s something to be said about black paralleling grey and white paralleling light as themes on Arrow.]

Worth noting here: Not once has Oliver made a promise without keeping it. You remember that one time in 2x09 when he went out to find Cyrus Gold even though he was still suffering from hallucinations? He told Felicity he’d come back to reassure her, but when she asked him to promise her, he didn’t because he knew that he couldn’t make such a promise. He might have kept things from her, but he never broke a promise.

Should Oliver have made those promises? That’s a matter of personal opinion, I think, but to me, I think promises made as a vigilante are optimistic, at best. Does this mean I don’t think he should have made them? No. I think he, again, had the best of intentions when promising Tommy he wouldn’t kill again. I think he’s had the best of intentions not to lie to Felicity, and, well, we see how that’s historically worked out.

Oliver did not want to keep William from her, that’s something we know for sure. He believed he was doing the right thing by Samantha even if he knew in his gut that Felicity deserved to know. Samantha put Oliver in an unenviable and unfair position based on her history with him. I honestly can’t fault her for that because, at the time she made the ultimatum, she did not yet know who Oliver really was now and how much he’d changed and grown. Oliver is so afraid to lose people close to him, especially after losing his father, Tommy, and definitely after losing his mother, that I believe his own fears of loss kept him from thinking clearly enough to share information about William with Felicity. Was it a matter of trust to Oliver, that he didn’t trust Felicity to protect this information? I don’t think so. We certainly know it was to Felicity. Again, I believe the fear of loss contributed to his lie of omission. Let me be clear: his lie of omission is still a lie and he’s not off the hook for it.

Now we come to Felicity’s parallel(s).

We know that Felicity has a dark arc in 5B. We have only scratched the surface with it so far and know that Havenrock will come up again, and that she will be forced to keep something from Oliver.

Felicity received Pandora from Helix at this point. She used the info to find Prometheus’ mother (that Oliver, as Mayor, drove out with Diggle to meet); and we now know that she’s going to work with (for?) Helix. She obviously didn’t get Pandora for free, and I believe that fact will be playing out in the next couple episodes. Now, I continue to believe it will be related to using Pandora to find Prometheus, which involves using methods heretofore not *really* acceptable even in a group of vigilantes. Oliver has repeatedly said they will “avenge” Billy’s death, but I’m not sure Felicity wants to wait for whatever he has planned to do so. In reality, Felicity still doesn’t know a whole lot about Oliver’s time in the Bratva, and if she did, she might be more inclined to believe in his potential methods to bring down Prometheus.

[It’s also worth noting that she COULD have kept the fact that she hacked into SW’s computer a secret, but she didn’t. Might have been easier because Thea asked her to do it, but who knows?]

  • Parallel to Oliver going alone in S3 and working with/trusting the ‘wrong’ people.
  • Parallel to Oliver’s island(s); Felicity going dark and on her own is her island of revenge/her own plan. 

Using methods to get Prometheus that could put people in jeopardy, i.e. sacrificing a few to save many.

  • Parallel to her own Havenrock storyline where she could potentially see this as a redemption. 

Placing lives in jeopardy is something Oliver has had to do many times, making difficult or even seemingly impossible snap decisions.

  • Parallel to Oliver’s difficult decisions re: Ra’s Al Ghul in S3, Malcolm Merlyn and Damien Darhk in S4.

Felicity is keeping something from Oliver and (possibly) going through some level of grief and guilt over it, which I believe is a direct parallel to Oliver’s lie (of omission) re: William. This parallel is important for a couple reasons:

  1. Oliver will get to see what it was like for Felicity to be the one lied to; and 
  2. Felicity will get a better understanding of what Oliver went through when he believed he had no other choice but keeping William a secret.

Oliver asked Felicity point blank if there was a catch to how she got Diggle freed from jail and she lied to him. She lied because, I think, she doesn’t want him to know that she’s working with hacktivists again and she fears his judgment for it (as hypocritical as that judgment might be).

  • Parallel: Oliver got his list when he returned from Lian Yu and Felicity got hers at her darkest hour. 

From 5.14 (The Sin-Eater): Oliver confronted Thea about what she had Felicity do to Susan’s computer and how that had now affected Susan’s life and career. He was clear that Thea made a CHOICE in doing what she did.

THEA: I know I screwed up and…

OLIVER: But you didn’t make a mistake. You made a choice. [Emphasis added.]

  • Parallel: Oliver made a CHOICE when he not only made repeated visits to Central City to see William, but also by not telling Felicity about him (or the visits). He didn’t make a mistake. He made a choice.

Choice actually came up a lot in 5.14, which I think was intentional. With Oliver protecting Anatoly and willingly putting his life on the line for him, this exchange happened:

ANATOLY: There’s no way you’re going to suffer for my sins, Oliver.

OLIVER: That’s why I’m not giving you a choice.

Oliver has become the sin-eater and has been willing to take on anyone else’s sins if it protects those he cares about. He was ok letting Billy’s death be a cover-up but ultimately, he was willing to take responsibility for it, regardless of the fact that it wasn’t his fault.

OLIVER: I’m not risking anyone getting arrested.

QUENTIN: What, you’re just giving up now?

OLIVER: Prometheus hasn’t given me a choice.

QUENTIN: Um, neither did Slade Wilson or Damien Darhk. But with those guys, you didn’t just pick up your football and go home.

OLIVER: This is different.


OLIVER: Because what’s happening now, it’s not something that Prometheus did.
It’s something I did.

QUENTIN: I mean, you’re talking about Malone, right? That was Prometheus.

OLIVER: I fired the arrows.

QUENTIN: Listen, earlier Thea was talking to me about not taking on other people’s sins. What happened with Malone, that’s on Prometheus, not you.

Full disclosure:

I’ve been working on this for a few weeks now. I don’t have time to write it all out when I start or I lose my train of thought and have to keep coming back to it. We know a lot more now than when I started this (Prometheus’ identity and Felicity actually joining Helix now). That being said, I see more parallels, too. And grey areas. And, well, choices that are part of both.

If anything, it’s almost a reversal of Oliver and Felicity. Felicity is now walking in the morally questionable path that Oliver did before promising Tommy he wouldn’t kill again, and the one after he chose the dark side with LoA. Felicity is choosing darkness because it’s a) exciting for her and b) it’s about HER choices and not for anyone else (for a change).

When Oliver told Felicity that he couldn’t be with her, she eventually ended up with Ray. Did it gross us out? Yeah. I think we’d all take Ray over Susan at this point, amirite? I think Felicity was trying to make something work with someone at this point and Ray fit the bill. It wasn’t Oliver, though, and she eventually realized that (even though Ray realized it well before her).

  • Parallel:  Oliver, as much as we are mad at him, is desperately trying to prove to himself that he CAN make a relationship work. Any relationship. Trying to prove that clouds his judgment and most certainly blinds him to Susan’s motives. He wants to see the good in someone. He NEEDS to. It’s not a coincidence that this is all going on while everyone around him (first Diggle, then Felicity, then Thea) seems to choose dark paths vs being his light. Sorry, Oliver. This time THEY need YOUR light, and you best find it soon.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that when Oliver called Susan from the hospital and she didn’t pick up even knowing he was in an accident, he had a sad or almost forlorn look on his face. If he’d called Felicity, well, she’d already be there anyway. Point is that he’s maybe starting to realize who the important people are in his life even as they pull away from him.

  • Parallel: Oliver leaving the team to join the LoA - pulling away from people because they are important/to protect them. Felicity always running to be by his side even when he’s pushed her away.

I will very likely revisit this post as the season progresses, but these are definitely some of the big parallels I’ve noticed, the grey areas present throughout the show that sometimes present themselves as parallels, and the choices our beloved characters make.

Remember: the writers love parallels. LOVE them. They throw them at us all the time, even when other exposition is available. I do believe there’s a point to them, though, and I also believe in an Olicity reunion. Perhaps it’s the hopeless romantic in me. Ok, maybe not that since I’m not a hopeless romantic, but I do try to live in a more positive mindset in life and as a fan of the show. Life is hard as it is and the world can be a hard and cold place. It may seem like looking for a positive needle in a shitty haystack, but I’m still seeing that needle, small as it may be. Olicity will reunite this season. That’s what I believe in. I have not always liked the journey and know some of you out there have outright HATED the journey, but I’ll be sticking around to the end.

[Special thanks to @quietolicitydreamsinred and @nodecaff4me for their help with this post.]

@marcguggenheim @cwarrow @arrowwritersroom 

BTS Reaction 2 U Calling Them Daddy In Front Of The Members

Anon asked- “Bts reaction to you calling them daddy infront of other members?”

I hope you enjoy and this is sort of late, sorry hun!

*gifs are not mine*

Jin: He’d be surprised and a little embarrassed because this was only something you used when you were feeling needy and when you two were in the comforts of your home. After the initial shock, he’d smirk and give the other boys a lame excuse about you two needing to leave. The other boys would would be yelling gross and how their ears shouldn’t have to suffer this abuse.

Originally posted by fawnave

Yoongi: He’d smirk a little but then he’d clear his throat, letting you know that that word wasn’t appropriate around other people. When you’d get home he’d make sure he’d let you know that this was something between the two of you and no one else.

Originally posted by lethargicmin

Hoseok: He wasn’t expecting you to bring that word up in front of the other boys so he’d be highly flustered and embarrassed trying to cover up what you said. I mean he’d be stuttering, trying to explain it didn’t mean anything, but the other boys knew he was lying.

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

Namjoon: He’d be confused at first, but then he’d smirk, causing the other boys to gag at the two of you. He’d pull you closer and kiss your head. “How about we go home right now and Daddy can give you what you want.”

Originally posted by bangthebae

Jimin: His eyes would widened and he’d laugh. His hands would reach out towards you and he’d grab your waist, pulling you flush against him. The other boys would be gagging not believing that Jimin had this dirty side to him.

Originally posted by nnochu

Taehyung: He’d give you the eyebrows and you knew you were “in trouble”. The way he looked at you, you knew what you were in for when you got home. “Excuse us boys. I think it’s time for us to go.”

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

Jungkook: Cocky mf right here. While he’d be a bit embarrassed, he’d puff out his chest and straighten his jacket, giving you those eyes. The boys would grimace because in no way should the maknae be this way. He’d come up behind you with his hands place on your hip. “What baby girl? Needy for Daddy? Let’s go.”

Originally posted by nnochu

9 Tips for living alone

For a year now I’ve been living away from home for college. This has meant a ton of new things and challenges etc. and I thought I’d make a list of helpful tips for when you move out on your own I guess?

1: Make lists
Groceries, homework, chores, everything really. It will help you keep organized. It’ll keep you from getting stressed about having lots of things going on or having to keep track of what you need to buy.
2: Do. Your. Dishes.
Going somewhere over the weekend? Do the dishes before you leave. Even if you think there’s not much gunk on them. I cannot tell you how many times I forgot/didn’t have time to do the dishes before I left for the weekend, and came back to a smelly apartment and gross dishes…
3: Get contacts and telephone numbers
You might get sick enough to not be able to buy groceries, you might be stuck somewhere in town without a way to get home, something in your apartment might be malfunctioning etc. Make a list of important telephone numbers and have it somewhere in your house where you can see it. Try to make contacts in town, not necessarily friends, but just people you are acquainted with enough to call when you really need help or advice.
4: Keep your apartment/room tidy and organized
You think you won’t get visitors? Wrong. You can and you will. Even if you’re home sick or just simply can’t clean for some reason, try to keep it at least a little bit cleaned up. From own experience I can tell you that it’s not nice having guests when your socks are on the dining table…
Talk to your neighbours
It’s 100% nicer to live somewhere when you know who lives around you. Go knock on some doors and introduce yourself. If you’re like me and stay up late a lot, a good idea is to tell people that. I was very worried that if I was in Skype calls at night, I’d disturb my closest neighbour. But I sorted that out by simply asking if they’d been disturbed by any noise and that they could tell me if I had been too loud so I could just y’know, not do that. Be friendly and helpful, they will most likely treat you the same. I can guarantee you that no one wants to be your enemy unless you give them a reason to dislike you. If you have disputes, sort them out. Talk to them and work out a solution. Everyone just wants to live in peace and be comfortable in their homes.
6: Keep updated with your town
Keep updated with the news and current events, be on the lookout for things that interest you. Participating in an event of some sort is a great way to get out and see things and explore your town. It’s also really good for meeting new, possibly like-minded people. Check your town’s site (or local paper) if it has one, is there any upcoming events or special things going on? Is there something you would want to help arrange or participate in? Engage yourself! It’s sure to give you new experiences and contacts. Even if you’re like me and socially awkward, doing things on your own will help build confidence and you’ll have tons of fun while doing it!
7: Get a backpack
If your grocery store is further away than a 15 minute walk, you better get a backpack. It will help you carry things home and not having several heavy plastic bags that might break at any time. It will also conveniently give you free hands if you have a bike. It’s great for college too!
8: Don’t be afraid of independence
Go shopping, go to cafés, go to the cinema, read a book in the park. Break the notion that it’s tragic to see someone do ‘typically social’ things by themselves. It takes a lot of courage, but trust me, it’s worth it. Don’t let being on your own stop you from doing things.
9: Teach yourself things
It can be everything from boiling rice to fixing a broken chair. Look up some tutorials, I guarantee you will have use for your newly aquired skills, regardless of how small they are. You’ll also feel very proud once you’ve figured out how to do said thing. People will also most likely take you more seriously as an independent adult if you are able to handle things by yourself.

☭ 💖 UNHhhh Sentence Meme (part one) 💖 ☭

Hi, I’m [description of a basic white woman] Trixie Mattel. / And I’m [bizarre, borderline ungodly concept] Katya. / And welcome to UNNhhh, the show where we talk about whatever we want! Because it’s our show! And not yours.

A sentence meme for the bizarre, impossible to decipher ramblings of legend, icon, star Trixie Mattel and bisexual Russian hooker, Katya.
Change pronouns/phrasing/tense/etc as needed! Except the white lady names like Brenda, you’ll hurt my feelings if you do.

  • “I’m just looking for a guy who’s emotionally available and not filled with bees.”
  • “I relish the opportunity to be ooky-spooky.”
  • “She’s a little bit country, I’m a little bit…garbage.”
  • “Do you believe in Bloody Mary? Do you wanna do it right now?”
  • “The boogeyman is not real, the real boogeyman is what? Poverty.”
  • “She was sexy, dangerous and gross.”
  • “Suck my dark, Dracula dick.”
  • “Nobody’s listening to you complain, Brenda, shut the fuck up.”
  • “You didn’t make it this far in life without selling something.”
  • “Earth is like a house party that aliens are invited to and they commit to going, but then when that night comes they’re like, ‘I don’t know, I kinda just wanna stay in and bingewatch The Crown’…”
  • “I’m grateful for two things: violence…and hair care.”
  • “Oh honey, Thanksgiving? Oh honey, thanks-living!”
  • “Everyday’s Halloween if you believe it in your heart.”
  • “I feel like I just blacked out and woke up in a turkey suit.”
  • “How can I ever have nightmares when I look like this?”
  • “Oh, y’all wanted a twist?”
  • “Body shaming? No problem. Can’t shame me if I don’t…have a body.”
  • “Oh my god, I wanna be Regan from The Exorcist! Uh…Hakuna Matata..!”
  • “Oh my god, you look like someone’s mom who isn’t gonna remarry.”
  • “Y’know what, I’m gonna walk out but I will be back in fifteen minutes!”
  • “One time I ate marijuana candy and fully saw Jesus’ eyes.”
  • “Because you don’t have a secret if you hide it really, really well.”
  • “Wizard pubes don’t really do well on Instagram.”
  • “Oh my god, wow, you take care of yourself? Do you want a fucking puppy and a reward?”
  • “Sure, she was raised in Florida but that’s not her fault.”
  • “You’re just a big bowl if noodles in the shape of a woman/man.”
  • “My wheeze aged ten years.”
  • “See, your face looks younger today so your voice had to pick up the slack and went full hag.”