T.J. was almost shocked when the adoption agency approved his paper work. Like really who would allow a gay, ex-addict, single man adopt a child? But none the less TJ was the happiest he could be when he brought 2 year old Gabriela.
TJ spent all of his time with Gabi or working. His family noticed the change Gabi brought into his life. One of the major points was TJ no longer slept around or drank when he went out. His mother especially enjoyed watching her son chase his little girl around.
TJ’s father moment was when Gabi finally called him ‘daddy’, six months after bringing her home. He had just finished reading her a bed time story when she had said it. “Get some sleep now sweetie,” he spoke as he tucked her in and kissed her head, “good night baby girl.”
“Night daddy.” TJ stopped in his tracks and looked at the little girl who wrapped him around her finger in such a short time.
He smiled at her before closing the door and walking to his room, feeling the happiest he has in a long time.
I want to forget everything you told me. I want to wash away how uncertain you made me. How scared I was of losing you. How I lost you anyway. I don’t want to know how your hands feel or what makes you smile. I don’t want to see you in photos, familiar like a dream I had once or a book I never finished.
There are some choices i made earlier in my life that i have always wanted to take back, go down a different path, or just erase completely. You know the things in your past that you cringe at when you remember it? or you are drawn to think about what would be different if you didn’t make that decision.
Until recently this was me constantly, particularly in regard to past relationships and how they flow on to other areas of my life. Sometimes i felt like the past relationships i was in brought far more negativity into my life than they did positive. And maybe that some of the choices i made when i was looking for love in all the wrong places and the damage that caused me would limit my potential in future relationships in terms of trust, the walls i had put up and me not being able to give myself entirely to a new relationship.
I was holding the opinion that if i could, i would take back those ‘mistakes’ as to make me a better person now. But, that is not how life works and it’s not how God works.
God has recently given me a new perspective, i suppose you could call it a bit of a silver lining. The fact is, God has the ability to make something good out of something that appears so terrible at first glance.
Those relationships, that i cringed at when i looked back at them did hold moments with God’s hand upon them. The boy in my first relationship lost his mum in the lead up to it and i honestly believe that God was able to use me, despite the relationship being less than ideal in numerous ways, to be a support for him during such an awful time. The following relationship, i rushed into on a whim, but God has drawn me to see how it forced me to figure out the strength of my morals under intense pressure. I’m glad to say that God had His hand upon me and i was able to stand true and hopefully was a good influence on the boy during that relationship. But what i really hated to look back on, was the fact that i went out with two non-christian boys in a row knowing that it was incompatible and that i wouldn’t be able to share with them the biggest part of my life and journey together. I knew this, but i still entered into the relationships.
But i am learning to look through God’s lens, which is not of disappointment at my ‘mistakes’ but instead of Grace and opportunity which he used to make the most of what i always looked back on as a bad situation.
God is showing me that there is nothing i could ever do that would remove His love from me, nor alter my potential as His child. My weaknesses are made perfect in His greatness. I am forgiven and i have been looked after through the whole thing.
Slowly i’m learning to accept my past with no regrets, handle my present with confidence from God and look forward to the future without fear. It’s honestly requiring an entirely new mindset, and i am having to let God renew my mind to do so. But i so encourage all you you to have a look at moments in your past that cause you to cringe and ask God to give you His lens to reveal to you that His hand was upon you the whole time.
I say all of this, because it is time for us to stop wishing for a rewind button and start trusting that God has made a way.
im finally watching rogue one (i know im hella late to the party but i didn’t get to watch it at the cinema) and im surprised i had never heard diego luna speaking english????? I’ve only watched his mexican movies but he does it really well, and he finally looks grown and not boyish :) i like the dude 👍👍👍