this is from another galaxy

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 4

It’s amazing to see how much we can create together, my amigos. Here’s part 4.

  1. “Look, I might be evil but even I have standards.”
  2. “Do your parents know you’re dating Death?” “No, I promised we wouldn’t get back together after he broke up with me the first time.”
  3. “Wait why am I naked and covered in cheese?”
  4. “Good god, that cake is fuckin stale and dry mate!!” “Just like how you are recently? Gee, thanks.”
  5. "There is always time for a high-five.”
  6. “Karen, what would ever posses you to find me here.”
  7. “Oh my god, put that man down! Come on, let’s go get you some REAL food.”
  8. “A demonic sugar glider?”
  9. “People always say they never thought they would be here but I absolutely did.”
  10. “And I thought I was a bit weird. But you! You are insane!”
  11. “So your hair knows kung-fu? Ha, that’s nothing! MY hair knows HAIR-ATE!” (You know, as in karate) (This used to be an insider between me and a friend…)
  12. “One day, darling, you and I are going to conquer the Universe not just our world.”
  13. “Did you seriously think they wouldn’t notice when their humans went missing?!”
  14. “Well, maybe next time you should consider that not everyone wants to be woken up at four in the morning by a- what IS that, anyway?!”
  15. “Now, how exactly did your foot get stuck in the barrel?”
  16. “I hope you realize what you’re doing. This forest never ends, you know that, right?”
  17. “You can’t just kill someone and then make it all better by saying sorry!”
  18. “Why the fuck is my cat levitating?!” “He said he wanted to feel what flying was”
  19. “You’re trying to tell me you killed three men…with a microphone?”
  20. “Hang on, are you a John Wick fan?”
  21. “IT’S TWO IN THE MORNING!” “And?” “ I have a strict no murder rule until eight. Call me then.”
  22. “I did realize you were going to be naked the whole time”
  23. “Ok, I understand you like animals, but you can’t just bring a tiger into the apparent without asking!”
  24. “I…I didn’t want you to find out like this. I’m so sorry.”
  25. “OH MY GOD CATHERINE! I JUST SAW A NARWHAL! I’M TELLING YOU, I SAW A FREAKIN’ WHALE UNICORN!”
  26. “I gotta go, I left my toaster in the oven!
  27. "Why is there a gaggle of fancy buisness men on my front lawn?”
  28. “Can you please stop referring to me as ____! That’s not my name!” “Then what is?” “I don’t know!”
  29. *Sarcastic* “Yeah, sure. I won’t at all mind being your footslave.” “Oh, goody! I knew you’d agree!” “Wait, what?”
  30. “When are you going to give up on this whole ‘evil’ thing?” “When it stops being so much fun!”
  31. “You didnt say to KILL the man!” “WELL I DIDNT SAY NOT TOO”
  32. “Mum, Dad… I’m gay.” “That’s nice, honey, but now is not the right time!”
  33. “Take a look at your soul and consider your life choices! Oh wait, that’s right! You don’t fucking have a soul!” “Oh, god, just go drown in a bathtub of syrup why don’t ya?”
  34. “I kindly ask you to please quit making your heart stop. It’s creeping me out!” “So… Y-You were sleeping in a coffin” “Yeah I’m used to it” “Are you a vampire or what?! How can someone get used to sleep in a coffin?” “No I’m used to sleep I never said that I’m used to sleep in a freaking coffin!”
  35. “Darling I love you, more than I can ever express in words…. But please stop teaching chickens necromancy.”
  36. “I wanted to know why you stole souls, not your melodramatic backstory…”
  37. “I really wish that old white man would stop rubbing his nipples at me”
  38. “You know it is written: Do not summon Satan, right ?”
  39. “Look around, what is this?” “My room?” “No, this is pathetic.”
  40. “I’ve been a professor for 20 years, and yet still my greatest secret hasn’t been revealed–I can’t read.”
  41. “Our souls don’t belong in these 'human’ bodies, every one of us is implanted here from another galaxy, and this has been the case for a thousand years. No one knows what 'actual humans’ are like without us inhabiting them.”
  42. “Did you just create a portal in time and space to pull another version of yourself into this world so I have to deal with another annoying idiot?” “No but thanks for the idea.”
  43. “You’re bleeding?!” “Nah, I’m frolicing in a field of flowers - yes I’m bleeding!”
  44. “Let me get this straight. I tell you that I make a decent omelette and you somehow equate that to qualification for piloting a spaceship?”
  45. “It’s the weekend! Let’s hit the town! See a concert, redo our wardrobes, get high, start a crime ring, I don’t know.”
  46. “Keep running, you’ve only got 4HP!”
  47. “This is clearly your first time. Stop screaming already, you’ll wake the neighbors!”
  48. “Has anyone seen the outdoors?” “What the fuck is an outdoors?”
  49. “Why do I feel like this again, I thought we were done with this?”
  50. “Look, as much as I like to hang out with you, I’ve gotta go and save the earth. Toodles!”
  51. “Have you seen?… oh shit”
  52. “Two questions: one, how many matches do you have, and two, where do you keep your socks?”
  53. “Because fuck surveys, that’s why!”
  54. “Stop yelling out the window or the koalas will rip your face off!”
  55. “I guess when I heard 'Night of Debauchery’… I didn’t picture muffins on your pajamas.”
  56. “Honey, you can’t keep throwing people to the pit of pain and despair just because they don’t like choc mint ice cream.”
  57. “Oh, no honey, put that back…”
  58. “It’s going to be too late, you know. It’s always too late.”
  59. “Hey, so, uh… I’m in trouble…” “What did you do this time?” “I got stranded in Wales….. again…”
  60. “OK, but… how do we get the dog out of a hole in space in time exactly?”
  61. “Aren’t people supposed to grow instead of shrink ?”
  62. “Wait. You’re aroused?” “Why would that surprise you?” “It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
  63. "I pay your taxes”
  64. “No, ____. We did not raise our hamster like this.”
  65. “You can’t run from your own shadow(s), what makes you think you can run from theirs?”
  66. “You adopted… a dog?” “Mate, that’s not a dog.”
  67. “And at this moment, he decided to punch himself in the face.” “Narrator, listen, I know you’ve been with me my whole life, but you’re a huge jerk.”
  68. “Why didn’t you tell me it was a portal BEFORE we ended up here?”
  69. “Is that…the Mona Lisa.” “…Yes…” “What did I say to you about stealing priceless artifacts!?” “…That I had to take you with me next time.” “Exactly!”
  70. “Yes, I agree, magic is pretty cool. But did you really have to use it for THIS?”
  71. “Despite the fact that was epic, you’re still suspended”
  72. “Chill, dad it’s not what you think it is!” “Well it looks like you’re making out with the demon your grandma banished to cellar…WHY IS HE IN YOUR ROOM?”
  73. “If you truly love me you’ll let me-OH FUCKING HELL DID YOU JUST STAB ME!?”
  74. “Spoon”
  75. “What began as a conflict over the transfer of consciousness from flesh to machines escalated into a war which has decimated a Million worlds.The ___ and the ___ have all but exhausted the the resources of a galaxy in their struggle for domination. Both sides, now crippled beyond repair, the remnants of their armies continue to battle on ravaged planets, their hatred fueled by over four thousand years of total war. This is a fight to the death. For each side, the only acceptable outcome is…“
  76. ”… I’m going back to bed. You brought it here, you can deal with the mammoth yourself.“
  77. "Is the food supposed to be moving?”
  78. “You mean to tell me that in the two minutes I was gone,  you bombed a minor country,  got married to a stripper,  and assassinated a world leader?!”
  79. “Is that a unicorn???? EATING MY BEEF JERKY?!”
  80. “Do I get to dream about you again tonight?”
  81. “Well now I have to change clothes AGAIN!”
  82. “All of this was because of a… OF A PLUSHIE?!” “Well…Yeah?” “Great, how are we going to get out of jail now?!”
  83. “So…you gonna tell me why my brother is upside down and why you’re wearing my purple thong?”
  84. “Did you really have to burn down another Cracker Barrel?”
  85. “Sir, that’s impossible, you can’t do that.” “IS THAT A FUCKING CHALLENGE?!?!”
  86. “We need to invade Portugal.” “…Sure, why not?”
  87. “Did you divide by zero?! YOU’RE GOING TO KILL US ALL”
  88. “Stand down, Milady, this is a matter between gentlemen with mustaches.”
  89. “Next time you get arrested I am NOT paying your bail” “That’s a lie and you know it.” “….”
  90. “I thought you were dead.” “So did I”
  91. “John dont flush the dog down the toilet”
  92. “What did I say again about resurrecting dictators??”
  93. “Cucumbers are NOT pets… what do you mean, you ate him??”
  94. “Are you and God seriously fighting right now? And what happened to Satan?”
  95. “Are ferrets supposed to be blue??”
  96. “I’m the protagonist? Well I guess that explains why I look like about a thousand other people.”
  97. “Why do I do this to myself?”
  98. “Stop eating your tortilla chips with ketchup. It’s unattractive.”
  99. “How do you eat an entire cheese wheel in one sitting?”
  100. “Why are God and Satan moving in with us?”

Let’s make one more ‘100 Dialogue Prompts’ list together. Leave a comment with your prompt below. Don’t forget the double quotes “”. And as always, only one prompt per amigo! Also, here is your random Dutch word of the day: pindakaas

Voyager was a show in which:


An alien from another galaxy died and became a rock.

“There’s coffee in that nebula.”

Harry Kim died twice in the first season alone; did not get a promotion.

Tom Paris avoided criminal punishment because of a dog.

The ship had to be submissive to a frustrated space fish-worm.

Torres literally had a split personality.

Kes ate dirt.

Kes happened at all.

Tuvok and Paris changed rank in the first season with no explanation.

Harry Kim traveled into an alternate time and space dimension; did not get promotion.

Neelix got into a food fight with Paris.

Q turned the ship into a Christmas tree ornament.

“Get the cheese to sickbay.”

The Doctor got beamed into space for five seconds.

Paris and Janeway turned into lizards.

Seven of Nine had nightmares about a bird.

Harry Kim built the Astrometrics Lab; did not get a promotion.

“You hit the wrong ship!” “It wasn’t my fault!” “Well then who’s fault was it, the torpedoe’s? You’re supposed to tell it what to do!”

Tuvok was stranded on a planet with small children.

The ship got transported back to 1996, and was not the weirdest thing around.

“Vulcans do not hydro-sail.”

Paris found a Hirogen head.

Harry Kim saved the ship from the future; did not get a promotion.

A dead crewmember changed species and briefly came back.

Seven had Borg multiple-personalities.

The Doctor had daydreams that threatened the ship.

Tuvok had a dream about walking naked around the ship.

“Alien bugs, or alien fisticuffs. Oooh that’s a tough one.”

“Very large germs” swarmed the ship.

The Doctor secretly impersonated half the crew.


Some kind of fantastic show!

anonymous asked:

IDK if you saw the post about how, before the Death Star plans were captured, the asset Bail was sending was *Leia herself* to Obi-Wan. But I'd like an AU based on that. No Death Star Plans, only a 19-year-old-girl strong in the Force, trying to beat the Empire.

She didn’t—

Luke cocked his head, watching the girl in white move through the marketplace. He couldn’t figure out what it was about her, why one minute he had been engrossed in Waing’s new shipment of power converters and the next he was staring at her, totally unable to tear his eyes away. He wasn’t entirely sure how he’d gone from one to the other, except he had, and now he was watching her. It was important he watch her, he knew it was important, though he couldn’t figure out how he knew that, or why.

It wasn’t that she stood out—sure, no one wore robes of that clean white, not unless they had a lot of slaves or droids to do the laundry for them, and yeah, she was the sort of pale you generally only saw in traders, who spent more time in artificial grav than sunslight. But she could be a water merchant’s daughter slumming it in Toshe, or an off-worlder, taking in the sights. (Not that they had many sights to see in Toshe, Luke thought with a snort.) And nobody else seemed to notice her; she stopped at Kinqua’s stall and dipped her fingers into the bowl Kinqua left out for tasting, and lifted it to her lips, licked the droplets away.

Luke had seen Kinqua casually lop off a child’s hand for that.

Skywalker,” Waing said, startling Luke out of his thoughts. “You made a decision? Or are you just going to keep feeling up my tech until it agrees to go home with you?”

“Cool your drives, Waing,” Luke said mildly, but he was still staring at the girl in white. She had two droids trundling after her, he realized belatedly—an astromech and a protocol droid, though he couldn’t make out what they were saying at this distance. Their lights were flashing, though, and he wished he could read visual binary.

“Oh, I see,” Waing said after a minute, and Luke could hear them smirking. “My tech isn’t all you’re hoping to take back to the Whitesun-Lars homestead.”

Luke felt his face go hot, and he forced himself to look back at Waing. They were smirking. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said coolly, but he couldn’t focus on the power converters anymore. The girl in white, had she—

“Pardon me.”

This close it was abundantly obvious that she wasn’t from Tatooine—no one from this planet carried that air of interestingness with them, like they had a secret that might change the whole course of your life. She must be an off-worlder. “I’m looking for Obi-Wan Kenobi. Do you know where I might find him? I was told he lives near here—”

“Old Ben?” Luke cut in, before Waing could answer. “Do you mean Old Ben?”

The girl in white looked at him for a long moment, and Luke felt the back of his neck heating up. “I don’t know,” she finally said. “Is he near here?”

“Oh, sure,” Luke laughed, more out of relief than anything else. “Old Ben’s just a few klicks from here, he lives near the western gorge—I could take you, if you want,” Luke said quickly, because she looked increasingly put-out, and he felt something in his chest twinge in answer to it.

But she shook her head. “Thank you for the offer, but this is a personal matter.”

“It’ll cost you serious credits if you charter a speeder,” Luke said. “I’m headed that way anyway, let me take you. And your droids. Really,” he said, because she still looked uncertain. “It’s no trouble.”

She looked at him for a long moment, and her dark eyes were very serious. (He liked her eyes, for no particular reason he could figure out.) “My name is Leia,” she finally said, sticking her hand out. 

“Luke,” Luke laughed, taking it and shaking it. It was cool and smooth, and if he’d needed any confirmation she was from off-world, that was it. “Skywalker. My uncle owns a moisture farm in the eastern hemisphere.”

“I’m—not from around here,” she said, and Luke almost laughed because—well, obviously.

“Consider yourself lucky,” Luke said, and something of her tiredness and tightness (why did he know she was tired, down to her bones?) eased. She smiled back, a small smile. Luke counted it as a victory.

“I am C-3PO,” the protocol droid cut in, sticking his head between them as though it would stop them from looking at one another. He was burnished gold, and in the high sunslight it hurt to look at him. “And this is my companion, R2-D2.”

The astromech whistled a greeting, and Luke laughed. “Pleasure to meet—all of you. My speeder’s docked by the Ithorian, if you want…?”

“Hey, Skywalker, aren’t you going to buy anything?” Waing interrupted, and Luke winced, barely managing to tear his eyes away from Leia, who was still smiling, very slightly.

“Sorry, uh—maybe next week?” Luke offered lamely, but he was already ushering Leia and her droids away, and he could hear her laugh, very softly. (His chest fell too full, hearing it.)

It felt strange, formal and right, to help her into the speeder. Her hand in his was a kind of symmetry, inexplicable, the way he knew how a speeder was supposed to fit together, how a full tank of moisture sounded when you rapped it with a knuckle. Organic and totally without reason, their hands fitting together. She still hadn’t told him her surname, if she had a surname. Where she was from. What she was doing here. What her droids were doing here.

Luke couldn’t help but trust her utterly. Otherwise, why did her hand feel like that, resting in his?

What do you need to see Old Ben for?” Luke shouted over the rush of air around the speeder.

I told you,” Leia shouted back. The white hood she wore had fallen back, and her hair was dark. Even carefully styled, those loops over her ears, strands came loose, whipping around her face. “It’s personal!”

They stopped at the farm first, just to refuel and drop off the handful of things Luke did buy—rations, holonews downloads, some sucrose-candies for Aunt Beru. But when they touched down, Owen went white beneath his sunsburn, staring at Leia like she was a creature from another galaxy. “Your Highness,” he breathed, and Luke had to correct him, just an off-worlder looking for Old Ben; don’t pay her any mind. Look, Uncle Owen, I brought you your Almanac—

Leia was silent; picking at a loose thread in her white, white robes.

(Afterwards, she was silent, her arms crossed over her waist. They sped across the desert, which was gathering dark by the armful. “Sorry,” Luke said, trying to keep himself from shivering, “I know it gets cold at night.”

“It’s all right,” Leia said. “On—my planet, it snowed. We had mountains, and we would build whole castles out if it, out of snow. It was beautiful.”

“I’d like to see snow,” Luke said, but he thought it was lost in the sound of the speeder, because she didn’t reply.)

By the time they reached Old Ben’s place, it was dark enough for a lamp to be burning, the light spilling beneath the door and out the window. Luke watched as Leia knocked on the daub doorframe, shivering.

Still, it was worth staying just to watch the flicker of Old Ben’s expression from surprise to shock when he greeted her. He called her by a name that was definitely not ‘leia’ and Luke watched her shoulders hitch. “No,” Leia said finally. “I am Leia Organa, Princess of Alderaan. I am the daughter of Queen Breha Organa and Viceroy Bail Organa, and I am—I am here to beg your aid for the rebellion.”

Luke wasn’t so surprised that he didn’t notice Ben’s eyes cut to him, and then away.

“Princess,” Ben said finally, with an awful heaviness. Luke had brought him ration packs and listened to his stories he had never sounded like that before, like it was something awful and deep beyond saying. “If they sent you to find me, they must be very desperate.”

“No,” she said quickly, and Luke knew she was lying. “No, but—we need Jedi. We cannot go forward, we cannot fight, if the Force is not with us.”

This time, Old Ben’s stare lingered on Leia, then on Luke. He seemed to be making up his mind about something, though Luke couldn’t say what. Old Ben had always struck him as a sort of harmless religious sort; in another world he might have been a Jedi like in the stories, but instead he was a desert madman, talking to the air and clutching at a bit of carbon tubing like it was a lightsaber.

There was nothing harmless about the way he was looking at them now.

“I’ve been happy here,” Old Ben muttered, quietly, like an apology.

“Fine,” Leia said, almost a snarl. Luke could only see her in silhouette, against the light from Old Ben’s hut. He thought suddenly of a predator, something that could leap on the unsuspecting. “But no one ever promised us happiness.”

Luke could see Old Ben’s throat work. “Come in,” he said at last. His gaze darted to Luke, and Luke caught his breath. “What I have to say is—for both of you, now.”

Luke shut off the speeder.

(He had followed Leia into Old Ben’s hut, and didn’t come out the same man. No, not the same man at all.)

youtube

#7: BART THE GENERAL

Maybe the most inexplicable video on the internet. What can I say? No seriously- what can I honestly fucking say about what you’re seeing here? It’s like an alien being from another galaxy saw The Simpsons air once and tried to re-create it (right down to calling it “Bart The General,” an old episode title, rather than calling it “The Simpsons”). This is THAT part of YouTube at its most surreal. But you have to hand it to them- Toadfish may be the most compelling character this show has had in years. And if you get in his good books, he can be a nice guy.

you being “woke” in rpc doesn’t mean shit if you’re just picking muses of color to appease us. you have to put the effort in researching and RESPECTING your muse’s culture and that comes with picking an APPROPIATE face claim and NOT washing out their skin tone for an aesthetic. you can’t pick some tan white person you think suits the character and say they’re “brown enough” bc then you’re just as bad as hollywood’s casting lmao. you can’t claim to be “woke” but then disregard any help from rpers of color out there actually willing to help. don’t tell me it’s “not that deep” because even in roleplay representation matters and unlike hollywood you can Do Better.

Little Star Son

I wrote a thing for this post, below. It’s fluffy and self-indulgent, but I hope you like it.

For @powerovernothing as tribute to our lovely conversations, as well as for the title Star Son, because that’s absolutely yours! (It’s pretty unedited, so I’m awful sorry for all of the errors but I was excited to finish it and post. Also, this is an AU where Yondu and Meredith knew each other before Peter was born so, yes, there’s Spacelily):

_

          It’s a brand, a brand that sticks. There’s no going back.

_

          The Terran child, one of Ego’s brats (and the last one to be uprooted from their home by Yondu), had clung to his leg the moment he’d been let up from the makeshift surgery table. They’d been running low on sedative, thus Peter had been awake for much of the last half of his operation. It wasn’t a surprise that, after sobbing for the last twenty minutes or so, Peter immediately twisted himself within Yondu’s long coat. It did take a good minute for Yondu to relax, though, once he felt Peter’s small, shaking hands clutch at his pantleg.

          Had the boy been anyone else, he’d have lost that hand in an instant.

Instead, Yondu indulged him and pulled open his coat to look at the kid concealed there, making eye contact with Peter’s wide, fearful eyes.

“You understand me now, huh kid?” Yondu grunted.

Peter gained enough nerve to nod vigorously, then added, “Yes.”

“That’s ‘yes, sir’ or ‘yes, Captain’, son.” Yondu retorted.

He felt ridiculous standing there, talking to newly acquired cargo in his jacket, but their onboard doctor was busy sterilizing where he’d just performed a hasty operation on Peter and there was no one else around to pay them any mind. If it helped the kid to hide close to Yondu like he was being hunted for sport, then so be it, for now.

Peter’s frightened gaze transformed into one of confusion, then awe, and if Yondu didn’t know any better, there was a good deal of hope sparkling in those big greenish-blue eyes. All the pain that had continued to overwhelm the little boy was still there, but seemed muted in the face of a bigger, more pressing question.

“Are…” Peter’s voice lacked strength. He sounded hoarse and all-too quiet.

          “Whassat? Speak up. I can’ hear ya kid.” Yondu made a show of leaning down and curling a hand around his ear to hear the boy better.

“Are you…” He swallowed, “Are you my Dad?”

          Yondu’s mind went blank.

He slowly pulled the boy from out of his coat and planted the kid in front of him. Peter Quill stood, still shaking like a leaf and now nervous to boot. His head was lowered like expected divine judgement for daring to think he might have family among the stars that would come get him.

          “Mom said that my Dad would come to get me when she was…” It hurt to say it out loud, what became of Meredith Quill. It hurt to even think about when the events were still fresh in Peter’s mind. “She said he was made of light. Called ‘im an… an angel.”  

Yondu snorted. Peter’s father was the farthest thing from an angel.  

          He could connect the dots well enough. The boy was still just that, a boy. He’d become eight standard years of age not long ago, being born right when the leaves on Terran trees changed from green to reds, oranges, and yellows. Following childish logic, Yondu supposed he met enough of the vague description that Meredith had given her son.  

“Yesiree, that I am, Mister Quill.” Yondu replied in a patronizing tone but kept a straight face. He watched as the child’s head whipped up, eyes growing impossibly wider as he looked at Yondu.  

          Peter whispered, breathlessly, hopefully, “Really?”

Yondu was two seconds from laughing in the kid’s face. His dumb, round, adorable and ever-so-hopeful little face…

“Really.” Yondu answered before his brain caught up with his mouth.

_

          It wasn’t hard convincing most of the crew that the kid was his. Recruiting a horde of bloodthirsty, hyperactive men to join up in the ranks of Ravager-dom didn’t require much more than a willingness for thievin’, for killin’, and obedience where the Captain was concerned. Average intelligence wasn’t a necessity.

          Of course, there’d been minimal griping since they’d had to make a good few jumps to reach Terra and once the rest of his horde figured out that this was a child that wasn’t cargo.

But, one whistle was all it took to stop the loudest protestors from getting too big for their britches.

_

Peter was sat in one of the co-pilot seats, strapped in extra tight while Yondu piloted his own personal M-Ship from out of one of Xandar’s seedier ports.

“Why aren’t I blue?”

The Terran was coming out of his shell, gaining more and more courage the longer he spent time among Ravagers – which had to be around a standard six months at this point. It was hard to be a meek and scared child amid a throng of bawdy crooks, especially around those that liked to try and kick him to the floor and pour cheap alien alcohol on his head as a “joke”. Not that that was much of a problem anymore, after Peter had learned to come straight to the Captain. You had to be downright shameless to try picking on the Captain’s son.

          Thankfully, being timid just wasn’t who Peter was, either.

“Ya take more after yer mama than me, boy.” Yondu replied without hesitation. He was a practiced liar, needed to be in his line of work.

“A lot more.” Peter blurted out. The child’s eyes grew comically wide after he realized what he’d just said, but Yondu only laughed.

                      “Yer right there, son. Don’t know that much about Terran biology – guess the genes and whatnot are pretty dominant from yer mama’s species.”      

Peter frowned, mulling over the new information. He sat back and was silent for long enough to where Yondu assumed that that had been enough questions for the trip back to the Eclector.

“But I’m still yer boy, right?” Peter proved him wrong, leaning as far over the edge of his seat as he could. “For sure?”

          An expert at lying his ass off or not, Yondu figured that Peter didn’t need much in the way of convincing that Yondu was his daddy, not when he was so anxious to believe in it. “Sure as the day is long.”

Peter giggled; for the first time since he’d entered space, Yondu realized. The sound was light, almost musical – familiar too, but Yondu ignored the pang in his heart over making that connection.

          “Mom always said that.” Peter giggled.

_

At one point, even those closest to Yondu were begging for a leash to clip around the kid’s waist.

“He’s wearin’ everybody out, Cap’n.” Kraglin all but whined. He, Tullk, and Vorker were lined up on the bridge and Vorker had one arm wrapped around Peter’s knees while the kid swung upside down gleefully. Little shit seemed to think it was a game being ten feet from having his head split open by the metal floor below him.

          Yondu spat. “Ya tellin’ me my men can’t keep up wit’ a Terran brat?”

“It’s not that, it’s jus’ –”

“You all call yerselves Ravagers.” Yondu shook his head in disgust, keeping his harried glances at Peter still dangling precariously to as much of a minimum as possible. “Tch. Sound more like wusses ta me.”

“Take it easy, Cap’n.” Tullk cut in, stepping forward. “It’s not tha’ we cannae keep up with little Peter here, we jus’ thought it’d make sense to make watchin’ him a full time job. He’s always lookin’ for trouble.”

          “Found him in one of the vents this morning, took all day to get him out.” Vorker said. He was a soft-spoken man with a shifty cybernetic eye and a scrawny frame that made him appear fragile for all intents and purposes. He wasn’t.

Kraglin wrung his hands together. “We got more important shit to do than spend all day to get Peter outta the vents, Cap’n. With all due respect.”

“Kraglin’s jus’ mad cus he got stuck tryin’ ta get me out!” Peter finally chimed in. He tried to cross his arms, but all the blood rushing to his head was surely disorientating. “I wasn’t stuck neither! I got out when I wanted ta, without no help.”

          Yondu had had it by the time Kraglin leveled a truly childish glare at Peter and ordered the boy be let down.

“Yer wastin’ my time and yers, boys. If ya’ll can’t hack it and look out fer yer own, might as well throw ya out the airlock for not obeyin’ the Code.”

The captain eyed them all, one by one, as if daring them each to say another word.

Vorker cracked first. “Captain -”

          Yondu whistled, and like a lightning bolt the arrow struck out and headed straight for Vorker’s eye. The good one.

          Tullk, Kraglin, and Vorker (though slightly unsteady) raised their hands simultaneously to concede. It was a smart move, not only for Vorker whom would’ve potentially lost his last organic eye, but for all of them, even Yondu. He wasn’t dense. Peter was a full time job, and this was blatant favoritism. But then the three of them should’ve minded that in the first place and not put their captain up to taking sides.

                      They retreated just as they came, only Kraglin sparing a pitiful look back as if he were hurt, before the bridge was cleared.

“Dad!”

Peter was upright, scampering toward Yondu with a big grin. “Can I try an’ use the arrow too?”

          His demeanor toward Yondu’s weapon of choice had seemingly changed overnight. Yondu could remember the first time he’d aimed his arrow directly at Horuz’s eye in front of Peter, and how he’d nearly lost the damn thing when Peter had snagged not long after that confrontation. It’d been a struggle to get it back from the child, but Peter had been adamant about Yondu, whom he’d been shy about referring to as his father in the earlier days aboard, not killing anybody.

Horuz had been one of the worst, most spiteful pricks toward Peter since he’d been catapulted from cargo to a secure place as Yondu’s spawn – yet Peter hadn’t wanted him to die.

Yondu had managed to wrestle it away from Peter, not by force but by getting down to the child’s level and reasoning with him, of all things. And that’d eventually done the trick, with Peter surrendering the arrow with only minor reluctance.

Now, not long since he’d first come to wreak havoc on their lives, he was damn near foaming at the mouth to try and use it himself.

          “Why?” Yondu asked. “You got someone you need ta ‘take care of’?”

“No, not exactly.” Peter scuffed his toe. “It’s just cool when you make ‘em do what’cha want when you whistle and it just goes –”

          Peter mimed the motion of the arrow zipping through the air and stopped in front of his own face with a whoosh-ing noise.

                      “I see. You just wanna be like yer ol’ man an’ scare everybody shitless.” Yondu chortled.

“Yeah!” Peter cheered back. Lord only knew he was stuck on being like Yondu and not too attentive to the idea of scaring others.

Yondu ruffled Peter’s already tousled hair with a grin of his own. There was no denying the genuine pride that Yondu felt over being thought of as cool by Meredith’s kid, even when Yondu was supposed to stay mad at Peter and particularly if it was inspiring Peter to want the impossible.

He should’ve told the kid as much, quashed his hopes before they got too high.

He didn’t. “You keep practicin’ that whistle o’ yours, son. Maybe we get you a little some’in of yer own when you’re a proper Ravager.”

_

In between the heists and hustles that made-up Ravager livelihood, Peter developed a knack for asking as many questions as he could before the day was out. If anything, Yondu believed that all Peter did aside from running up and down the Eclector and tricking Kraglin into the ventilation shafts and sassin’ Horuz and makin’ a mess of the Captain’s quarters with drawings on makeshift sketch paper and driving Yondu to threaten him with cannibalism if he didn’t quit stealin’ those stupid ass stickers and putting them on Yondu’s coattails was ask a million and one questions.

          “Can I have flames and arrows on mah coat?” Peter practically squeaked, trying to grab at the Ravager flames pinned trustily to his breast pocket.

          Most were irritating.

Peter pouted. “Why don’t the rest of the crew got their own beds?”

“Are my teeth gonna look like yours when the baby ones fall out?” Peter gulped.

Some were downright frivolous.

          “Are there movies in space?” Peter rambled.

He pondered aloud. “How come some Xandarians are peachy-colored like Kraglin but others are pink?”

Few were just met with frustration.

          “Am I still yer boy?”

But some were… some questions cut too deep. Sometimes Peter’s questions, innocently spoken, were about as piercingly felt as an arrow into one’s heart.

“Why weren’t you there? When Mom died?”

          The boy fidgeted with his Walkman. He’d come up to sit on the floor next to Yondu after spending the better half of the day scrubbing down the floor of the loading dock. Yondu would never get used to Peter’s incessant need to always find where he was and stick to him after a job was done, regardless of whether Yondu had another task for the kid or not.

          It was like Peter wanted to be around him, without any kind of ulterior motive, or any good, sensible reason at all.

Yondu stopped in his tracks to observe Peter sitting near where he could best look out at the sea of stars around them. He looked oh-so-small just sitting there, waiting for an answer. The tune of ooh-child wasn’t as cranked up as usual, but it was noticeable in the restless silence between them.  

          “Couldn’t be there.” Yondu said finally. “Where yer from there ain’t people like me… like us, Petey. You was lucky not to be born wit’ the worst of yer daddy. ‘Sides, I was away takin’ care of the ship when yer mama got sick.”

“And a Ravager ship ain’t no place for a lady and her baby.” Yondu finished quietly and left it at that.

                      Or he meant to leave it at that. It would be better to let Peter live with the hard, if not slightly altered, truth and learn from it. He genuinely couldn’t have taken care of Meredith and Peter before the woman had fallen ill, he’d been out of the loop shortly after Peter’s birth. The only reason Yondu had gotten to Peter at the right time and place had been attributed to coincidental circumstances too numerous to trace back and perfect timing that paved way for what could only be considered a tragedy.

He meant to leave it at that.

“Come ‘ere, son.”

          There was no one of the bridge but them two, so Yondu sat down in the pilot’s seat and motioned for Peter to come to him. When he was within arm’s reach, Yondu scooped him up and sat Peter on his lap before pulling an unlikely little keepsake from out of his pocket.

It wasn’t a goofy trinket or bobble, or a shiny bit of cheap plastic. It was a picture.

Yondu lifted a polaroid up to the boy’s face. “Here.”

Meredith Quill had always been proud of what Yondu, and any respectable lifeform beyond the middle of nowhere where Terra was located, considered primitive technology. He wouldn’t ever forget her stupid, heavy stereo and its finicky antennae that blared music throughout that dingy country house of hers. Or of what she proudly referred to as the garbage disposal which was apparently ‘top-notch’ and had nearly ground his fingers up a time or two.

Or of what she called a polaroid camera, a flashing, obnoxious device that you clicked so it would spit square images into your hand that took time just to formulate. He’d complained about it being obsolete and useless for the most part, only to surprise Mere one day by jumping out from behind the door and snapping dozens of pictures of her. She’d come from a double shift as a waitress, feet aching, hair frazzled, and bone tired – but she’d laughed and laughed at his uncharacteristic moment of playfulness as if it were the funniest thing in the world.

          “Took this of yer mama before you was born. Nearly made herself sick, laughin’ at your poor daddy.” Yondu said. His explanation did little to lighten the atmosphere, but it didn’t matter in the end. Peter took the picture from Yondu and held it reverently in both hands.

          “Oh.” He looked awed at seeing the image of his mother (happy, healthy, whole) before his gaze turned longing. Small fingers came up to graze at Meredith’s frozen face as Yondu looked on over Peter’s shoulder.

“Hi, Mom.”

_

          “It ain’t like you, bein’ so quiet boy.” Yondu said. He sat on his haunches, barely noticing the pain that crept into his leg muscles from having to crouch at such an awkward angle.  

          One of Peter’s hands moved to clutch at the lapel of Yondu’s coat, and the boy twisted and toyed with the cloth absentmindedly. It wasn’t a unique gesture on the child’s part, as Yondu had come to recognize Peter’s odd little quirks and motions that signified what he wanted without him saying as much. The child wouldn’t look him in the eye, but he was communicating a need to be coddled nonetheless.

          It’d been a relatively lazy expedition for the Ravagers. They were technically in the middle of a mission, but it was slow goin’ just getting to where they needed to be, and Yondu had spent most of his time inspecting the ship. He and his little shadow had certainly gotten a good deal of exercise touring the quadrants before Peter had begun to move at a snail’s pace and Yondu was forced to double back and find where his dumb kid was lost at.

“Tired.” Peter mumbled.

His head dipped forward slightly as though it’d grown too heavy to keep upright. He was about to slump into Yondu’s chest haphazardly if Yondu didn’t reach out first and pull him forward.

                      Yondu sighed, already knowing the answer to his own question. “I’m guessin’ you can’t make it to bed on your own two legs?”

Peter, instinctively, wrapped his skinny arms around Yondu’s neck and buried his face in the hollow of Yondu’s shoulder, while Yondu adjusted his grip on the boy and stood up. He grunted, ignoring the pain in his calves as his legs stretched, and then strode off from the hangar bay.

          If any of the rest of the team had something to say about seeing their gruff captain with a small child swaddled in his arms, it went unsaid.

The time it took to reach Captain’s quarters was minimal, and Peter had been jarred enough to break out of his stupor so that Yondu could set him down. Peter fumbled to get his coat off, tugging at the sleeves like a tiger cub until he was finally released. He left his coat on the floor in his pursuit to make it to the bed, trying to crawl up onto the mattress by way of grabbing onto various pelts and ratty quilts as leverage.

Yondu grunted. “Boots, kid.”

He shrugged off his own Ravagers’ coat and tossed it over a low-hanging pipe. Reaching down, he picked Peter’s jacket from off the ground to hang it up with his own without much grumbling. He began to unbuckle a few of the less-than comfortable parts of his uniform and watched out of the corner of his eye as Peter sluggishly pull at his shoes. The kid was practically in a nose-dive while he leaned down to concentrate on how to pry his boots off with the little energy he still had. Yondu couldn’t help but grin, chuckling quietly at the sight; the boy was hopeless.

Not even a sour-faced Kree fanatic could deny that Peter was damn adorable.  

“Here, Petey, I gotcha.”

Yondu moved to help him, fitting large hands over the tongue of one boot and then the other to pull them off effortlessly. He got a face full of wiggly toes within holey socks before Peter scooted back while muttering what sounded like a ‘thank you’, and dove into the bed sheets.

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Yondu walked to the other side of the bed and lay down without ceremony, having shorn off his own boots moments prior, and lie down on his side. The man didn’t have to wait long for Peter to scoot over and all but throw himself into Yondu’s body. He sought out Yondu’s warmth without hesitation, and hooked his hands wherever he could into Yondu’s tunic to keep them warm, or more accurately to make sure he had a good grip in case Yondu began to disappear into thin air while Peter slept.  

          Yondu let the child be, although he couldn’t find it in himself to feel comfortable enough to fall asleep effortlessly. He was exhausted, there was no doubt about that, but privately his mind whirled like a cesspool. Yondu was an awful lot of awful things, but had he been on par with his crew in terms of intelligence, he wouldn’t be able to claim his saving grace of Captain of the Ravagers at all.

           But then, if you asked Stakar and his former friends, there would be little tolerance to even mention Yondu’s name and the title in the same sentence. Especially not now, while Yondu claimed Ego’s son as his own, while Yondu paraded around with the boy tucked close to his side and gave his own crew a hell of a time in accommodating said boy above nearly everything and everyone else.

“Dad?” Peter was barely audible above the thrum of the ship surrounding them.

“Hn?”  

“’m I… still…” Peter yawned softly. “… yer boy?”

          Yondu sighed and stared off at the far wall. He patted the kid’s back vaguely, gently, while the images of Stakar’s disappointed scowl faded away from his mind.

Rather than feel frustrated with that infernal question this time, Yondu felt a deep ache in his chest. It was too difficult to face at times, the desperation and the crave for love that Peter had. What was even more harrowing to think about was how, unlike most, Peter wanted nothing more than to return that love. The kid was soft-hearted and stubborn when it came to making others feel worthwhile, especially those that gave him the time of day. And at the top of Petey’s list, just below the memory of Meredith Quill, was Yondu.

He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve Peter’s trust, his confidence, the pride that Peter bestowed on Yondu like he didn’t have to earn it. He didn’t deserve for Peter to love him like a father.

In his brooding, Yondu imagined Meredith Quill smiling, Meredith with her head thrown back in a laugh, teasing him over his unsuccessful and nigh-on painful attempt at singing one of those fool love songs from her bulky stereo. He saw Peter, tiny and new to the galaxy, begin to whimper in the crook of his arm before Yondu smoothed a thumb over the child’s forehead. Peter, still small, reaching out to point at a particularly bright star beyond the ship window, and looking back at the Centaurian to make sure he saw Peter’s find.

“Course you are, Pete.”

To hell with Stakar, and all the rest of them and their judgement. To hell with what the crew thought, with what was good or should be. He was a goddamn captain: he made the rules around here and the whole goddamn galaxy was gonna live with it.

“You sure?” Peter asked.

          Yondu looked down. Peter stared at him from the crook of the man’s arm, face squished together in an exaggerated pout and eyes barely able to stay open, just to hear what he wanted to hear.

          “Sure as the day is long, kiddo.” Yondu replied dutifully.

Peter smiled sleepily. “M’kay… Night… Night, Dad…”

          Yondu reached up to card his fingers through Peter’s hair, thumb smoothing over his forehead like he’d done when Peter was just a babe.

“Night, son.” Yondu said, to a little boy whom was already fast asleep.

_

          You go home to your mother and father and grow up to be strong and straight. And, Joey… take care of them, both of them.

_          

creating a fake identity and breaking into a government regulated military academy to avenge your maybe-dead-maybe-abducted-by-aliens family and family friend only to find out that alien radiochatter can be heard from the roof of said military academy, thus leading to you and two of your classmates, along with a dropout and your abducted-by-aliens family friend, to find a giant blue robot lion that takes you to another galaxy where you wake up two royal aliens from their ten thousand year sleep and consequently find out that you and those you brought along with you are destined to save the universe from an evil dictator in more giant robot lions, all with assigned colors and yours being green, is gay culture

on the post about earth prison, what if humans were once a major threat to the universe?

The humans are a horrid race where each individual could match 3 alien soldier equivelents and their society was ruled in a strict militaristic Empire. They had taken over a quarter of the universe before they could be thwarted.
It took everyone else left to band together and take them out, culling their race in a costly war that spaned millenium. Eventually they got us down to an endangered species, only the richest diplomats who payed their way to be given the ‘mercy’ of being placed into a inhospitable prison with memory wipes. Earth.
No technology on planet, heck the whole sol system is in a intergalactic black out zone to insure that no outsiders can find them in the chance certain individuals were payed off to save them before hand.
Covered in more deseases than any place else in the universe, many of the strongest predators gathered and placed there to keep their numbers in check, with a good spinkling of poisoness plants and animals for good measure. A hair balanced ecosystem was also created so that in the off chance they happen to start progressing technologically again, in the minimum 6000 years (500 faster than the fastest progressing race recorded in universal history) it will take them to progress through the industrial age, their entire planet would have have become devoid of any form of sustenance to support themselves and they will either have to give up or die.

this is all punctuated with their already small planet being mostly covered in undrinkable water and filled with even more deadly creatures so as to deter them from populating its surface, hence keeping their numbers down. While this resulted in some of the landmasses being a little too hospitable, we evened things out by altering their structure until there was a constant threat of natural disasters to deter them from settling in those areas.
We even went as far as placing fake evolutionary fossils around to help turn them away from thoughts of where they came from leading to ideas about space travel.
I think we can safely assume they will serve their punishment for their races crimes well here, or die trying to escape it.

~year 3452AD earth years~

After finding a drifting peice of strange metal in space, a trading ship sent it into our department as it seemed to be sending out a strange noise on radio wavelengths. something only descovered due to certain animal cargo they were transporting stressing out when near the device. After our department analysed it and found it to be a message of peace we were exstatic, hoping to meet a new species to introduce to the galaxy.
However the excitement died down quickly once its point of origin was tracked down… a black out zone containing the most heinous of criminals. Due to how it was traveling through space, we believe it was sent over 1000 years ago. Which should be impossible as due to all calculations they should barely be out of the stone age by now… these implications are worrying to say the least, and unbelievable to most. Although the majority have come to the conclusion it is simply some distastful prank, we must check to be sure.

And so the first check up on the human prison was started. A fleet of 300 science vessals to quickly scan the planet and leave within a few days. They also were accompanied by 20 military ships to deter any would-be pirates. They all enter ftl with the destination of earths moon to set up a temporary station while the scanning will be on going.

The crew is discussing and argueing about whether the humans will either be dead or they will get to see the galactic boogey men poking at monsterous beasts such as the legendary ferocious ‘bull’ with sticks. Only to be shocked into silence upon exit of ftl to see litterally tens of thousands of battle space ships aiming their weaponry at them, their sensors indicating that at least 20 of the biggest ships have weaponry that can wipe through a quarter of their fleet and their sheilds in a single blast. After only 5 minutes of silence their com links seem to have already been hacked through and a screen opens with a terrifying angry human on the other side shouting at them in another language, after a breif few seconds the auto translator kicks in and their voice rocks them to the core.

“I repeat! You are in the United Continents of Earths no space flight zone! Identify yourselves immediately or by law we will be forced to remove you perminantly via lethal means!”

The chief scientist scrambles at the controls before managing to hit the right button “W-we come in peace! j-just some civilian vessals passing through, we will just… turn and go now! haha!” he blurts out nervously as a few crew facepalm and the rest sweat just as nervously.

“civilians is it? a likely story! Do you take me as a fool!?”

“oh no of c-”

“I dont even need to glance at my scanners to see the military vessels hidden among your fleet! Who are you allied to?! Is it those red mars scum!? no… the ship style isnt like them… Ah, you must be part of those damn reclusive jupitarians huh? the saturnites giving you too much trouble so you tried to sneak back the homeworld did you? well too ba-” the angry human is interrupted by a smaller and thinner human arriving beside him, handing over a peice of glass with glowing letters before saluting and running off. The angry man peruses it for a short while, tension in the air before a disturbingly sweet smile crosses his face.

“Well well, honored guests from another galaxy is it? forgive my inhospitality earlier, i was unaware who you were. It seems obvious we couldnt identify you sooner now. Please, do let us guide you down planet side so we can talk further on this…” he glances down at the glass again “ FTL drive. I am sure we can come to a reasonable understanding.”

Alien crew members start screaming things like “oh gods! how do they-” “we cant!” “we would be hated as the villains who brought mankind back to the universe!” “were screwed!” before they are quitened down and the cheif researcher tries to see if they can be reasoned with.

“o-oh, we simply couldnt, perhaps another time! uhh, we really dont want to inconvenience you.”

“oh no, I insist.” the human punctuates his words by waving his hand in a seemingly meaningless gesture… if you were able to ignore the entire fleet of tens of thousands of warships move out almost immediately after to surround them.

“fuck…”

(this idea got a little away from me, plus bad writing cuz im lazy on my mobile)