this is for you hopless romantics

I’m a romantic, ya know? We like pretty things even if they hurt. Pretty girls, pretty words, pretty - soft touches, pretty lies, we like pretty everything even if it kills us. & I don’t think that’s wrong. I don’t think that’s wrong to look at a person smoking and saying something like “She’s killing the wildflowers inside her chest.” Because I mean, that’s just who we are, and we really do visualize those kinds of things. I don’t think it’s wrong to listen to a song that breaks our hearts and naming it as our favorite. People are like, “Well that’s fucking depressing.” but it’s not, ya know? We’re just romantics so we love all things that affect our insides. When a girl say’s she doesn’t love us anymore, it hurts, but I think it hurts more because we romanticize that. So when the time comes that someone takes away our fantasies, or our life we build where they become characters that hardly ever really even existed, and someone says, “That was real. That happened, and she REALLY doesn’t fucking love you anymore.” … That will probably kill us…

But that’s a romantic for you. We love things that kill us because we can somehow find it in ourselves to make them seem better.

—  My name is ______ , and I am a romantic.
So, I’ve been thinking a lot

about my opinions on Spuffy and Bangel.

I do this thing, sometimes, where I pose a question to myself and then I talk it out in my head. Usually, the result is something pretty complex, but I’m never satisfied with leaving it in my head.

The question I’d posed for myself today was: who’s Buffy’s long haul guy? Between Angel and Spike, of course. Riley who? Anyway.

And the answer I came up with was: neither of them.

Keep in mind that I’m giving you my opinion from a story line standpoint. I do agree that Buffy should be with whoever makes her happy, but I’m telling you my opinion on what I think would be better for the story, more interesting to the story

Now, in case you’re new here, I’m a hardcore Spuffy shipper. I love Angel on his own, but for Buffy, Spike is my number one.

So, how come I don’t see him as the long haul guy?

Well, it’s more than just the whole I can’t see him and Buffy petering around with children (aside from the fact that vampires can’t have children). It goes deeper than that. It’s the same with Angel (again, aside from the fact that if he even tries for children, he’s fucked…in a negative way).

I would argue that Buffy does not have a long haul guy. The reason I’d make this argument is because people like Buffy, people that protect the world, don’ t live long enough to have a real life beyond the work they do.

The example I always pull for everything is Supernatural related because I’m trash. So, take Sam and Dean, right? We all pretty much know that when the show ends, the boys are going to die. And we accept that because we know the boys are not the “grow old and grey” type. For them, the best and most effective way to go out is to die in the line of fire. They’ll never retire from the job, the job is their lives.

It’s the same for Buffy. Sure, there are other slayers now, post-Chosen. But, that doesn’t mean Buffy feels any less responsible for the world or for her family. So, I do think that Buffy will die “young,” so to speak. Therefore, she doesn’t have a long haul guy. She has the guy she happens to be with at the time she dies.

So, that made me ask a new question: which vamp should be with Buffy when she inevitably dies in the line of duty?

To me, it needs to be Spike.

Hol-hold on! Jesus Christ, let me explain okay? Damn.

Buffy and Angel. Bangel. Angel + Buffy. Here’s the thing. Buffy and Angel’s relationship, has always been so equalized. Not to say that Spike and Buffy are not equals, but Buffy and Angel always seemed to give the same amount to each other as they took from each other. Their highs and lows were always counteracted. In Season 2 of Buffy, Buffy broke it off with Angel to keep them both safe. At the end of Season 3, Angel did the same for the same reason. Buffy came to Angel and essentially intruded on his life in L.A., which Angel promptly came back to Sunnydale to do the same to Buffy. The point here is: Buffy and Angel’s relationship is too level for such a big low (her death). No matter which one of the two died, yeah, there’d be mourning, but it would be understood. Either Buffy or Angel would understand the sacrifices of doing the work they do and what that can mean for the people doing it.

This isn’t meant to diminish Buffy and Angel’s relationship, past or present. It is powerful, for sure. I agree with Joss in that Buffy and Angel are soulmates. But my interpretation of it is that your soul is the purest part of you. That’s why it affects Angel and Spike daily the way it does (to help them be good). So, I believe that the purest part of Buffy will always belong with Angel.

But everything else. The soul plus the pockmarks and bullet holes and slashes and scars. All of what Buffy is. That belongs with Spike. With Buffy and Angel, their purest parts match up to perfection, but with Spike and Buffy the edges are hard and uneven, rough and sharp. And that is why they are perfectly imperfect for each other. Because they aren’t a perfect match.

That means that their highs and lows are not level at all. They’ve never, ever been on a level playing field. This isn’t to say that one is less than the other. This is to say that there’ve been times when one gave so much it nearly broke them and others when one took so much there was nearly nothing left. That was seen constantly in Seasons 5 and 6 of Buffy. Spike gave so much of himself to and for Buffy that Buffy never really matched. At the same time, when he attempted to rape her, he took something away from Buffy that cut extremely deep. On Buffy’s end, all she ever did up until Season 7 was take from Spike. Everything Spike gave her, she repaid by taking something away from him. But in Season 7, she showered him with faith and belief and love.

Some of the highs and lows between Buffy and Spike matched in severity but never in timing. There was always more give than take from one of the two or vise versa.

Why does all that mumbo jumbo matter?

Let’s back up for a second. So, in Season 1 of Buffy, of course, Buffy died for the first time. For, like, two minutes, but still. She was with Angel at the time (”with” meaning she was dating him, although he was physically with her in that scene as well). In Season 5 when she died, nobody was with Buffy. So, not only would it complete the circle for Spike to be with Buffy when she dies for the last time, it’s also how it should be.

As mentioned before, Angel would understand. Just like if Angel or Spike died (as they have in Buffy), Buffy would understand. So, back to the highs and lows. That leaves Angel and Buffy on equal playing ground. Would that leave Spike and Buffy on an equal playing ground as well?


Because Spike wouldn’t understand. He wouldn’t be rational and realize that Buffy died for the greater good. He wouldn’t mourn and get over it. Spike would be wrecked and lost and broken and miserable. In Season 5 (to the beginning of Season 6), I don’t believe Spike had let Buffy go. There was the bot and looking after Dawn, and I think that was just enough to keep Buffy alive to him, maybe even hoping she’d come back some day.

But if Buffy were to die permanently? Not only that, but after being together (as they are in the comics currently) for however long? After Spike finally, finally getting to be with the love of his life? That would crush him.

Now, do I want Spike to be devastated and torn apart? No, of course not. But Buffy Summers, the Buffy we all spent time getting to know, dying should warrant more pain than “I don’t like it, but I understand it.” I don’t believe we’d get that from Angel.

So, no, Buffy does not have a long haul guy. But the guy she should spend her last breath with? Well, that’ll always be Spike.

Again, this is all just my view on things. If your’s is different, that’s fine. I guess I’m just a hopless romantic when it comes to Spike and Buffy. I know a lot of people disagree with this or hate their relationship. Which is okay, I just wanted to put my thoughts out there. All I ask is that you please do not disrespect my opinions. Whether you think I’m right or wrong, Spuffy means so, so much to me. I might have a romanticized notion of the two of them, but they’ve given me so much. Please don’t take that away from me by telling me my opinion is wrong.
Only once in your lifetime will you meet someone who challenges you in a way you never thought was possible. This person will never be perfect, because perfection does not exist. However, they will light a flame within you and continue to make sure it burns even in the darkest of times. They don’t always express how they feel, but it doesn’t mean that they don’t. You fall for them in the silence of their existence. In their ability to say so many things without uttering a word. The beautiful thing about your bond is that you both know the universe conspired together in order to connect your two souls.

Crystal A. Cordero


[Free write  -  I tried to keep the characters a bit vague, allowing the reader to picture whomever they desire! ;)  *Also, I would like to say a big thank you to the sweet anon who suggested I post “free writes” once a week… this was a fun change of pace for me! xx Enjoy!!]    


The room was dark, except for the dim glow of light coming from the lamp beside the bed. A breeze blew the curtains lightly, making them dance as it made it’s way through the open window. She could smell the promise of rain lingering in the cool summer air, as the clouds debated on when to release their tears upon the ground. 

“What are you thinking?” he hummed, voice nothing but a whisper as it broke the silence occupying the still bedroom. 

“Hmm,” she sighed pleasantly, turning her head to reach his waiting gaze, “just thinking how peaceful this moment is. How perfect." 

He smiled, that familiar sparkle reaching his eyes as the crater like dimple appeared beside his lips. 

"Almost as perfect as you,” he purred, lacing his fingers seamlessly through hers, his large hand encompassing her smaller one with ease. 

Blush kissing her fair skin, she swatted playfully at his bare chest, fingers lingering over his rapidly beating heart. His skin was warm, every nerve ending appearing alight with pleasure as her hand roamed the contours of his chest. He took in a short breath of air, her touch having more of an effect on him than she’d ever realize.
She could feel his eyes fixed on her, but she couldn’t pry her gaze away from his body. He was beautiful. From the hint of hair growing in the center of his chest, to the sprinkling of freckles that dotted his smooth skin. She loved every piece of him. Each little detail adding up to the man who took her breath away on a daily basis. She wanted nothing more than to feel his arms wrapped around her. Needed to feel his lips pressed tight with her own. If his love was a drug, then she was desperate for her next fix, nearly shaking in anticipation.  

Their eyes met once more, and she swore she saw the color in his irises grow dark as his tongue flitted across his lower lip. In the next instant, his lips collided with hers, working in slow, desperate movements. His hands instinctively found her face, cradling her cheeks like porcelain between his palms.
Each press of his lips, and every moan of pleasure exchanged only drove her deeper into bliss. At one point she felt him smile, drawing her body closer to his until there was no more space. So close she could feel his heart beat in time with her own, chests heaving as one.  He pulls back for only a moment, taught body hovering just inches above her. His eyes search her face for permission, as he’s done from the first moment they met. A gentleman in the true sense of the word, always hesitating before making a move. Gaining a feel for her body language. Learning her desires.
His voice is soft and warm as he whispers sweet words into her skin. A hint of a smile never failing to be heard in his words.

“So beautiful,” he breathes, pressing a feather light kiss to her collarbone, “so special, and so loved.”

She exhales, his name slipping urgently from her lips as she falls to putty beneath his practiced touch. There’s an undeniable tug in her heart. It’s more than love, she’s sure of it, although admitting so has become her greatest struggle. The feeling consumes her like nothing she’s ever experienced before, his mouth treating her like treasure as he leaves a map of his presence along her soft skin. She twists her fingers anxiously in his untamed hair, tugging on the roots in a plea for more.

He doesn’t waste a moment before removing the shirt she’d borrowed from him, his lingering gaze making her skin feel like it’s been set on fire. But he can’t help but stare. The sheer sight of her exposed body makes him weak. He’s never known a woman to have so much effortless power over him, but she’s been an exception to every previous experience. From the very beginning he knew she was a game changer. She’d taken his whole world, his every belief about love and lust, and flipped it in a complete one-eighty. Before her he’d never been sure of what his future may hold, but with her here, every doubt was obliterated. So he vowed to show her every moment, of everyday, just how important she’d become to his sanity. He showed her with his tender touch, and his lax kisses. Showed her with his heated gaze, and his honey sweet words. And he swore he’d carry on with his show, even if it took a lifetime for her to believe it.

“I love you,” she uttered breathlessly after minutes of undo silence, at long last ridding herself of the words she’d kept locked away in her heart for far too long, “I love you more than you’ll ever know. And more than I could ever find a way of expressing.”