this is for you christina

Growing Up Goes Slow

A/N: An anon request for a Spencer x Reader set in college inspired by Sad Song by Christina Perri. @coveofmemories @sexualemobitch @jamiemelyn

                                                              —-

You were so starved for some kind of physical touch it hurt. Was that dramatic to say? Maybe it was, but being so close with your parents, still young, “broken up” with your best friend, and 3,000 miles from home had put you in a state of isolation you’d never felt before.

I wonder what my mom and dad would say
If I told them that I cry each day
It’s hard enough to live so far away

Deciding to follow your dream wasn’t always a piece of cake. In order to do what you wanted to do, you needed to pursue your degree in another state - 3,000 miles from home. For you, it might have well been an entire world away. You didn’t regret trying to follow your dream, but it sure was isolating, especially now that your best friend had decided that drinking weekend after weekend was more important than school. After you’d confronted her, she told you that you were an awful friend and person and that she was fine.

You couldn’t sit by and watch your friend drink herself to death, so you’d left. She was toxic for you, but maybe not having anyone there was just as toxic? You didn’t know anymore. With your scholarship basically covered, you were able to pay the rest with the job you’d gotten, but you didn’t have money for anything else but school and rent, and you had no insurance, so seeking out some medical attention for the way you’d been feeling was out of the question.

Doing what you could, you started writing in a journal, but even that didn’t do all that much. You’d constantly snap at your friends and you’d been even more curt with your roommate Spencer. After meeting just shortly after orientation, you’d both realized you needed a roommate and had decided to room together, but after your “big breakup” you got rude with him too. “I’m fine, Spencer!”

And all you need to know is I’m so sorry
It’s not like me
It’s maturity that I’m lacking
So don’t, don’t let me go
Just let me know that growing up goes slow.

You were so lonely. After class and work one night, you entered the apartment to see Spencer studying at the kitchen table. “How was your day?” he asked hesitantly. He’d been trying to talk to you, but you’d been in such a state of isolation that every human interaction felt false.

Spencer was a complete stranger to you for the most part, but maybe this was the opportunity to get to know someone new. Honesty was the best policy you assumed. “Not good, Spencer.”

“Why not?” he asked, sitting back and closing his book. “Besides talking a lot, I’ve been told I’m a great listener.”

Over the course of the next ten minutes or so, you poured you heart out, going so far as to start crying in front of him. You cried in front of no one. “I’m just really alone and really sad,” you cried, wiping the tears from your eyes with the back of your arm.

Before, he seemed to be wary of you, walking around on eggshells and wondering when you were going to snap at him next, but his eyes had softened as you cried. “I understand that feeling,” he replied. “I’ve felt it.”

“Really?” He had a sharp jaw, fluffy brown hair, soft brown eyes. Sure he was on the skinny side, but he definitely had the kind of look that would be enjoyed by both men and women, and you knew he was studious. Brainy was the new sexy after all. He wasn’t well liked?

Over a cup of late-night coffee, Spencer told you all about his childhood - how he’d been bullied, the many times he’d come home late to realize his mother hadn’t even noticed he was gone because she was having a bad day - “I’ve felt alone most of my life. ” He finally stopped. “I’m sorry about your friend though. You were only trying to look out for her, but…you can’t help everyone.”

You shrugged. He was right of course, but it was easier to say than to truly realize deep down in your heart. As he looked toward the corner, he glanced at your movies alongside his. Apparently, he’d never seen which of them overlapped, because all of a sudden he got excited. “You like old movies too?”

“Yea,” you said. “Movies in general bring you to another place. And when you really don’t want to be in the place you’re in, reading and watching tv helps me to escape.”

He nodded his affirmation and got up, grabbing his copy of Singing in the Rain. “How about we watch this? Together.”

—-

Nearly five months after that night - the night you’d first allowed someone inside your lonely bubble - you opened the door to see Spencer had already ordered your pizza and was sitting on the couch with The Wizard of Oz ready to play. “Ready?” You didn’t know what had developed over the last half a year. During breaks you went home to see your parents. When you saw them, you felt better. Your best friend had never come around; she was still partying every weekend and she was at risk of losing her scholarship, but you couldn’t do anything about that.

Now, the feelings of loneliness seemed to turn to ones of guilt because you hated that you couldn’t help everyone. At least now, you didn’t have to fight those feelings alone. Your classes and differing degrees kept you from hanging out together as much as you’d liked, but every Friday night Spencer would order pizza as soon as he came home from class and you’d watch some of your old movies together. After a while, you’d even started to cuddle together under a blanket he’d brought from home.

This whole new life you were leading was still fairly new. Romance wasn’t absolutely necessary, but maybe it was there. For right now you were fine to let whatever this was just be.

Some days were bad, the loneliness overwhelming you to the point that even Spencer couldn’t comfort you, movies and pizza or not, but most days, he could help you through it. You supposed that these feelings tended to ebb and flow like waves, and although that thought frustrated you (you just wanted to feel better instantly), at least Spencer understood where you were coming from, and that you instantaneous happiness wasn’t real. It was work. And he was willing to help you work at it, as long as you’d do the same in return.

And I’m so sorry, it’s not like me
It’s maturity that I’m lacking
So don’t, don’t let me go
Just let me know that growing up goes slow

youtube

This song is very powerful, and I think everyone should listen to it.

Todrick Hall (Feat. Jordin Sparks) - Water Guns

2

An interwoven set of mixtapes for Victor and Yuuri.

Victor

1. SHUT UP AND DANCE - WALK THE MOON // 2. SAY MY NAME (FEAT. ZYRA) - ODESZA // 3. INTO THE NIGHT - SANTANA // 4. ANGEL IN BLUE JEANS - TRAIN // 5. MISERY - MAROON 5 // 6. FALL - SWING REPUBLIC // 7. CRAVE YOU - FLIGHT FACILITIES // 8. BUDAPEST - GEORGE EZRA // 9. HEARTBEAT SONG - KELLY CLARKSON // 10. BRIGHTER THAN THE SUN - COLBIE CAILLAT // 11. YOU AND ME - LIFEHOUSE // 12. UNPACK YOUR HEART - PHILLIP PHILLIPS // 13. COLLIDE (ACOUSTIC VERSION) - HOWIE DAY // 14. DEATH OF A BACHELOR - PANIC! AT THE DISCO // 15. HOME - PHILLIP PHILLIPS

Yuuri

1. SHUT UP AND DANCE - WALK THE MOON // 2. LAST FRIDAY NIGHT (T.G.I.F.) - KATY PERRY // 3. CRACKS (FEAT. BELLE HUMBLE) - FLUX PAVILION // 4. 1940 (AMPLIVE REMIX) - THE SUBMARINES // 5. LIBERTANGO - BOND // 6. ARMS - CHRISTINA PERRI // 7. MISS YOU - GABRIELLE APLIN // 8. I BET MY LIFE - IMAGINE DRAGONS // 9. GERONIMO - SHEPPARD // 10. CHASING CARS - SNOW PATROL // 11. WARMTH - BASTILLE // 12. HALL OF FAME - THE SCRIPT  // 13. COLLIDE (ACOUSTIC VERSION) - HOWIE DAY // 14. WE’VE ONLY JUST BEGUN - CARPENTERS // 15. HOME - PHILLIP PHILLIPS 

Enjoy!
5/14/17 EDIT: Gah! I forgot that I had swapped a song and rearranged a few for Victor’s list to have it make more chronological sense since I typed the list by hand. The link was correct and this post now has the right songs

Artwork Asks
  • Mona Lisa: Do you like to look neat and orderly? How long does it take for you to get ready for the day?
  • Starry Night: Do you enjoy watching the sky and daydreaming?
  • The Scream: How easy/hard is it for someone to startle or make you lose focus?
  • The Persistence of Memory: Do some people consider you to be a weird or strange person?
  • Girl with a Pearl Earring: Do you like to wear jewelry? What are your favorite pieces of jewelry and approximately how much are they worth?
  • The Last Supper: Are you religious at all?
  • Guernica: Is the world "Black and White" to you?
  • American Gothic: Would you like to lead a simple and happy life? Or do you prefer adventure?
  • The Creation of Adam: What is your favorite story from Mythology? Do you have any favorite Fables or Fairytales?
  • The Birth of Venus: Do you like to be in the spotlight?
  • David: Are you the bold type? Do want your ideas and thoughts to be heard all around the world?
  • A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte: Do you take time out of your day to kick back and relax? Where can people find you if so?
  • No. 5, 1948: Do you tend to break away from traditions and cultural norms? Are you the rebellious type?
  • Pietà: Name something that tugs at your heartstrings.
  • Venus De Milo: Do you believe that everyone deserves a second chance, no matter what they've been through in the past?
  • The Thinker: Do you often find yourself getting lost in thought? What is it usually about?
  • The Great Wave off Kanagawa: Do you like the Ocean?
  • Water Lily Pond: What are your favorite flowers?
  • Capitoline Wolf: What is your relationship with animals? Do you like them? What is your favorite animal?
  • Winged Victory of Samothrace: Do you strive to meet your goals and never give up on them?
  • Nighthawks: Are you a night owl or a early bird?
  • Lady with an Ermine: Do you have any pets? Would you like to have pets? If so, what would your dream pet be?
  • Wanderer above the Sea of Fog: Do you tend to get lost easily?
  • Napoleon Crossing the Alps: Are you a brave and daring individual? Would you fight for freedom if you had to?
  • The Anatomy Lesson of Dr. Nicolaes Tulp: Do you value your ability to get an education?
  • Christina's World: Is there anything you long for?
  • Washington Crossing the Delaware: Do you want to make an impact on this world? What do you want to be remembered for?
2

Jeff Bhasker: Best known for his award-winning work with alternative group fun. on their smash breakthrough Some Nights – which netted him the Grammy for Song of the Year for “We Are Young” – Bhasker is credited as the executive producer on Styles’ album.

The frequent Kanye West collaborator, who has more Academy hardware on his shelf thanks to his Best Rap Song wins for Ye’s “All of the Lights” and the Jay Z/Rihanna/West tune “Run This Town,” has also written and produced tracks and albums for Alicia Keys, Goapele, Robin Thicke, Beyoncé, Lana Del Rey, Taylor Swift Ed Sheeran and Mark Ronson. He took home yet more Grammy gold in 2016 as one of the producers on the Record of the Year winning Ronson smash “Uptown Funk.”

Bhasker also released Born on the Fourth of July, a bold, experimental solo concept album under the name Billy Kraven, in 2013.

Alex Salibian: Salibian is part of Bhasker’s production crew. He provided guitar, piano and backing vocals for Young the Giant’s 2016 album Home of the Strange, and (along with Bhasker) co-produced the record. He has also lent a production/engineering and musical hand on songs by Cam, Mikky Ekko and Elle King and is credited as a co-writer and co-producer on Styles’ “Sign of the Times.”

Tyler Johnson: Another frequent Bhasker associate, Johnson was also part of the team behind the 2012 Bhasker-produced Pink hit “Just Give Me a Reason” (he engineered it), as well as providing sampling advice on fun.’s Some Nights, and producing and engineering songs for All American Rejects, OneRepublic, Ed Sheeran and Mikky Ekko. He also lent songwriting expertise to songs by Miley Cyrus, SonReal and John Legend on the singer’s 2016 Darkness and Light album.Johnson has also dabbled in the country world, helping write Cam’s breakthrough single “Burning House” and its follow-up, “Mayday” (in addition to playing guitar, keyboards and programming the drums), as well as co-writing and co-producing Keith Urban’s “Gone Tomorrow (Here Today),” from the star’s Ripcord album.

Kid Harpoon: The English singer/songwriter born Thomas Hull released the critically acclaimed folk-punk single “The River, the Ocean, The Pearl” in 2006, followed by a pair of EPs and his full-length debut, Young Turks, in 2009. He’s since co-written songs for Florence + the Machine (“Shake it out,” “Never Let Me Go” and “Leave My Body” from Ceremonials), collaborated with Florence and Calvin Harris on Harris’ “Sweet Nothing” single, and co-wrote and co-produced a handful of songs for Jessie Ware’s 2012 debut, Devotion.

Hull also has production and writing credits on tracks by Mayer Hawthorne, Haim (“Days are Gone”), Shakira (“Can’t Remember to Forget You”), Christina Perri (“Burning Gold”), Shawn Mendes (“Roses”) and Skrillex (“Fire Away”). - Billboard

4

I’m seriously really bad at that stuff! As soon as their is just a little conflict, I just. -
Everyone thinks it’s uncomfortable with conflicts! But that doesn’t mean you should avoid them! Do you know what, Christina Berg? I think you should be very careful with these “truths” you tell to yourself about yourself. I don’t see what you’re describing right now.

let’s just make some things about this situation fucking clear

everytime louis repeatedly goes to the same place publicly, he’s in danger. everytime he went to that goddamn calabasas starbucks, he was in danger. everytime there’s some “leaked” info about when louis’ arriving at LAX or heathrow, he’s in danger. we’ve seen countless stalkers go to these places knowing he’s going to be there. plenty of us tell people not to do this, that it’s an invasion of privacy. plenty of you guys tell us we’re being dramatic, that they just want pictures. well, lucky for everyone involved, up until now they’ve only wanted pictures.

louis’ not in the UK. he’s in america. THERE IS NO UNIVERSAL GUN CONTROL HERE. state laws vary, and even counties in states have different laws on open carry. experiments show TSA is kind of horrible at their jobs and will literally let bags with weapons through baggage. the efficiency of police is questionable; that is why there is literally a WHOLE MOVEMENT on police brutality.

basically, IT IS INCREDIBLY EASY FOR SOMEONE WITH INTENT TO HURT LOUIS TO BE ABLE TO GO THROUGH WITH IT. if you didn’t learn it from what happened with christina grimmie, i hope to god you learn it now. everytime his shitty management team has sent him to the same place for pap pics, they’re risking his goddamn life. they risked his life today by not sending security with him at the airport. if you think he’s willingly choosing to do this, fuck you. if you think stalkers can follow him around all they want, fuck you.

these fans today claimed they love louis. this is just an example of what extremist mindsets can do. make. it. stop.