this is for elena

SE Pt. 3 Preview

I wrote this in the last half hour but I’m confident it’s the first part of part 3 :)

Stefan decided to stay at the school but Elena had to go back to the Salvatore Mansion, she was expected to. Four times she’d said to Stefan, “I should go” and four times he’d responded, “Yeah you should” and four times neither of them broke their gaze or shifted an inch to signal that she should get ready before Elena found the resolve to leave his arms and get dressed. Now, she was parked outside the house, laughing and crying at the same time, her body experiencing every contradictory feeling imaginable. She didn’t regret it — tonight; finally allowing herself to breathe again, to accept that his touch revitalized her, awakened her. Even now she felt at ease, sane, and yet touched with exhilaration, like she had when she and Stefan were together, something within her had been returned and she felt good.

What she did regret was breaking her vows, was betraying one of her dearest friends. It was a particular kind of torture, to feel herself come alive beneath Stefan’s gyrating movements, only to feel a vehement guilt the moment they were away from each other. She felt guilty for leaving him at all, for coming back when it was too late, turning them both into disloyal people, and she felt profoundly ashamed for her unfaithfulness.

               Elena took a deep breath in and exhaled. She had to pull herself together. It had been two hours since she’d been gone. She couldn’t waste any more time in the car. Giving herself a pep talk, she opened the car door and headed toward the mansion. She saw Bonnie from the driveway, a glass of bourbon in her hand. When Elena made it onto the porch, they both stared at each other before Bonnie looked away and stared straight ahead, taking a sip from her glass. Elena took an urgent step toward Bonnie and took her by the hand.

“You can’t hate me now,” she said.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bonnie, please. I was suffocating before tonight.”

“I know.”

“I felt the way I did before I even met Stefan, like … I didn’t know how to live anymore, but then, I couldn’t feel anything, before tonight I was feeling the absence of everything I did feel when I was with him, it was maddening. I felt like I was going to go crazy.”

“Elena, I know all of this. I felt it,” said Bonnie. “I don’t hate you for going.”

“You don’t?” said Elena, furrowing her eyebrows. “So then why are you…?”

“I hate myself for giving you the permission to go,” said Bonnie dully.

“You threw me a lifeline, Bonnie,” said Elena. “You’re always saving me and I know it sounds dramatic but hearing you tell me to go tonight … you saved me again.”  

Bonnie looked at her and sighed. “I’m glad that I could help you, Elena. I am,” she said. “But now I’m going to have to live with the fact that the lifeline I threw you was Stefan and not Damon. And you’re going to have to live with the fact that Damon’s lifeline is you and you’ve committed to being that. You took vows committing to be that.”

               Elena’s lips parted and Bonnie turned to face her completely.

“I cut off Enzo’s hand for Damon, you know. I’ve landed in the hospital for him,” said Bonnie. “I don’t know what happened tonight and I don’t want to know but the fact that you left at all will destroy him. The fact that Stefan didn’t send you back here? Caroline waited a long time for him.  First, to even notice her the way she noticed him and then for him to start trusting her with himself. Knowing this will devastate her.”

“I know.”

“I’ll take my responsibility for tonight but if they find out what happened, the wreckage that’ll come from that? That’s on you. And on him.”

Elena looked at her and nodded stiffly.

Bonnie finished the rest of her bourbon and headed back to the front door. She stopped and then turned around.  “I’ve decided I’m leaving for Venezuela on Monday,” she said.

“Already? You just got here,” said Elena. “Damon said you were going to stay Stateside for a while since you’ve been travelling for nearly half a year.”

“That was originally the plan,” said Bonnie.

“Are you going because of tonight?” said Elena.

“I’m going to get as far away from the wreckage as possible,” said Bonnie.