this is for a personal debate i have with a fellow sherlockian

I’m leaving the BBC Sherlock fandom

(Please read this while listening to Eurus’s theme for emotional effect)

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE BBC SHERLOCK. I admired the clever writing, the dry humor, the way I saw how Sherlock thinks, the time when I felt intelligent, and last, but not the least, especially, the subtext Yes, the TJLC subtext gets me back all the time. All those Johnlock videos on youtube, Rebs TJLC explained series, TJLC on tumblr, on instagram, and pinterest. All were believers.

However, I just can’ deal with this bullshit anymore. Not even after I gave 1/29 a chance and put a deerstalker-shaped tinfoil hat on and donned it for two weeks. Most especially, after the TFP put up their middle fingers to our faces and made up a parody of their own show. A rip off. A James Bond/Shutter Island/Saw/The Ring show. And REALLY, REALLY AFTER THIS WHOLE BBC COMPLAINTS TEAM WAS BEING RUDE. I had hopes, excitement, and motivation to keep me going for 5 years after first seeing Sherlock. I am not part of the LGBT+ community, but I identified myself through Sherlock, I saw who I was, I found resemblance in my being/personality through him. Not wholly, but there 90% of the circumstances/things he did were the things/tasks/attitutde/personality I actually sported in real life. Believe me or not, this is not the time to debate. 

After TFP, I was so hopeful of coming fourth episode. It was just too fucky, too shitty, to be the last episode. However, after Moftiss mentioning the “This was never a love story” thing, and “Perhaps we took the joke too far”, I knew this show is already toxic for me. But no, I pushed. and pushed for a fourth episode. I made a complaint to the BBC one after Jan 15, TFP. It was about queerbaiting, about the plot holes, about the rape, about the weapons used in TFP, about the representation of “gay baddies” on the show. And all I got was the template answer of BBC. If you haven’t seen it, it’s here. 

Then, I saw Sue’s tweet, saying that there was no fourth episode, and Gatiss’s tweet saying “RIP” to a fan who said that she/he would die if there was no canon johnlock. There, I did not believe that yet. But now, one day before 1/29, I lost all my hope. All my hope for Martin’s statement “This is the gayest show”, Benedict’s statement on “Love conquers all”, BBC Three’s tweet on “Sherlock back and he’s in love. But with who”, Luke’s (The Sherlock reacts guy on youtube) statement on “The greatest love story never told” and “a fourth episode? That’s silly”, Moftiss’s statement on “This is the story we want to tell”. BBC’s statement on “Groundbreaking and making television history”. I’m all done with that. These were all lies. They feed on false hopes. Tomorrow is already 1/29, the johnlock anniversary. And we’re getting nothing. All those metas, speculations, analyses, they were really great. And I really appreciate all of those because they made me have hope, and made me believe in johnlock, once more. I want to thank all the meta - writers and those who made predictions based on the subtext and clues in the show. I CANNOT EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE ENOUGH FOR ALL OF YOU. You made me realize that there was still hope for the PLOT, and hope for the show to be saved. Because TFP just really killed the whole series. All that build-up, for SEVEN FRICKING YEARS, just to have an ugly, blown-up, messed, fucked-up ending.

The articles posted by the independent, vox, nerdist, I agree with them. All those gaping plotholes, and why the story is not good. It is better compared with other TV Series, but for character development, NAH. Then considering how rude some of those who comprise of the Sherlock team in answering the fans’ questions on twitter, it made me question this show. Yes, what would you do with a show which teaches you important values such as humanity, family, trust, bonds, friendship, valuing of life, when they won’t even demonstrate it to us? The fans were asking questions because they were searching for answers. They were curious. We were. We wanted a closure. Something that would say that this is really the END. No series 5, no loose threads, no cliffhangers, no possibility of episode 4. So we turned to them for answers for the questions we had regarding the show. I’m not one of those who tweeted/messaged them on twitter, but I saw how they reacted to the fans. That was just rude. Well, I’m sorry we tried fixing the mess you made in series 4??!?!!? I never asked/wondered why this show got the lowest ratings in rotten tomatoes compared to the past 3 seasons. We’re all about the cases, not the relationships. The relationships/character development will work out in the background (TJLC included of course, Molly’s becoming stronger character, esp). But season 4 was just all over the place. I thought then, that all these were illogical if it would not lead us to another episode to answer for all of these. We only got logic to help us. So far, nothing’s been confirmed. I’m losing hope. I lost hope. All we got is that stupid email. 

We were just seeking for closure, for understanding, for someone to comfort us during these difficult times, for someone to take our side from the BBC Sherlock team. No one dared to take our side. The show’s MOST LOYAL FANS were hurt, the LGBT fans community were hurt, and they would not even just say that they apologize. “I like to play with the homoeroticity between Holmes and Watson” just kept replaying in my mind. THAT’S STRAIGHT UP QUEERBAITING. “Who you really are doesn’t matter” THIS IS THE MOST HURTFUL THING EVER. What was the point of the whole TFP if it was about Sherlock discovering about his identity, his best friend, and his sister? What was the point of TAB, if it was not for equality? I’m sorry for all those who were offended, including me. I took the bait, I was definitely sure of it. I was friends with many people who are fans of the show. And hurt? No one can tell you when, how, or why you got hurt. It is a feeling. Every one can say that they are hurt, and they are allowed to express that. Hate comes after the hurt. It’s the anger inside that drives you towards hate. I love this show, indeed, but I had hated this season for many reasons. 

I’m not going to discuss the reasons here, instead, I’m just going to put my feelings through gifs (disclaimer: i don’t own the gifs) while I have been in this journey with you, fellow Sherlockians. 

Me while watching Series 4:

My family members and friends to me after watching TFP:

One-two days after Jan.15. I thought that was really it. No means of saving TFP and the mess that was eps 1 -2 of Series 4

Then I saw the TFHC (tinfoil hat club/tinfoil hat conspiracy) on tumblr and started to believe again:

Yes, that must be it. Apple Tree Yard is fricking fake!!!! I outsmarted this strategy of Moftiss!! HAH! Now give me the fourth episode!!!! “THE LOST SPECIAL”, YES, THAT ONE! 

And that Apple Tree Yard is definitely a FAKE SHOW. I waited for ATY like this: 

I was looking for answers. What made Sherlock so groundbreaking then? Making history? Amanda’s answer: Sian Brooke’s acting of different characters. Surely, this was done in other films/shows. So… now what if this ATY was a real show?

EVERYTHING JUST MADE PERFECT SENSE!!!!1/22 or 1/29 FIT THE PUZZLE! JOHN’S DREAM. CHEKHOV’S GUN, 3 GARRIDEB-CLIFFHANGERS, EVERYTHING! We were trying to make sense of everything that was nonsensical in TFP. It was clever, good. It was what we made of TFP.

But at least we still got 1/29, right? After 1/22 was a failed attempt of Moriarty hacking into the BBC? (because he has been hacking Picadilly circus, right?)

The bomb being the heart, and the analyses on TEH connections and all…

But then. One day before 1/29, everything just fell apart. I just couldn’t believe that BBC’s PR was not so …. good at doing their job??? PR? I mean…. 

That’s when I thought that this is ACTUALLY THE SHOW’S REICHENBACH. Probably, some higher ups in the Beebs requested this? Forced Moftiss to write something else? Make a parody? Cause they built this on something, definitely. 

Me right now:

I mean, why would they do something like this? They were award-winning writers, actors, production team, for fucking Pete’s sakes. Why won’t they just do it?? ??? Somebody will do a johnlock adaptation in the future (and you might just be one of them)

I wish I hadn’t believed in all their lies. Hadn’t read much into subtext. Hadn’t invested ALL MY FEELINGS, AND EMOTIONS INTO THIS SHOW. JUST TO BE THROWN AWAY. 

Yes, they told us all the fucking time. But still, the show speaks for itself. I don’t need anyone telling me that it’s not a love story when clearly, the show says it is!!!!! I wish I did not love this show. This show disgusts me. It disappoints me. I cared so much.

I think I’m going crazy. I dream about the show because of how often I spend my waking hours reading fanfics, metas, viewing drawings, art, rewatching and rewatching and rewatching and  rewatching and  rewatching and rewatching and  rewatching and rewatching this HELLA SHOW. 


Now, I only have my own to save. Not even BBC would take action and look into the mess they have made. Stop looking for closures, people. Stop looking for answers. You’ll never get one. 



So here I am now, please help me.

Just. I dont know what i even want. 

I once thought that you were the best, most clever show I have watched. I was wrong. I was played for a fool. Trick. I gave you everything, BBC SHERLOCK, my time, talent, treasure, EVERY FUCKING THING, YOU TOOK ME FOR GRANTED.

SO, I’M SORRY SHERLOCK FANDOM. I’M JUST DONE. SORRY I LEFT YOU ALL. it was for my mental well-being. i’m sorry i had to leave you during this crisis. during these unfortunate times. I just can’t take it anymore.

I’m not leaving Sherlock. The story is still in my heart. I have read the original books, watched too many adaptations of Holmes and Watson for it not be part of me. It is part of me now. I’m just leaving BBC shithole Sherlock. And this will be me reading and telling the story to my grandchildren in the future.