this is fascinating huh

As a non-native English speaker, I’ve learnt a whole bunch of new British sayings and phrases from reading Agatha Christie, like:

  • “Quite off his crumpet” - he’s crazy
  • “All at sixes and sevens” - confused
  • “Looking after number one” - taking care of yourself first
  • “He gets my goat” - he annoys me
  • “As sure as eggs is eggs” - something is certain
  • “Dying duck in a thunderstorm” - feeling blue, woebegone
  • “Spinach and Gammon” - nonsense
  • “Quite another pair of shoes” - quite a different matter
  • “Nineteen to the dozen” - very fast
  • “In my eyes and Betty Martin” - complete nonsense
  • “Thin edge of the wedge” - the beginning of a harmful development
  • “Cross-grained” - a person who’s hard to deal with
  • “Keep your pecker up” - stay cheerful
  • “A goose is walking over my grave” - sudden feeling of chilliness
  • “The wind’s in the quarter” - something is suspicious
  • “That cat won’t jump” - that idea isn’t going to work
  • “Have a butcher’s” - have a look
  • “I’ll knock you up” - I’ll visit you
Don’t Stop Us Now

@softkent ‘s 14 Days of Love fic-a-thon, day 6: ruined surprises!

It all started because Katya decided to have mercy on Eric and let him take morning classes this semester. WGSS120 was an amazing class, Professor Atley had the coolest stories about how postwar industrialization led to compulsive female domesticity, and his seatmate wasn’t the worst thing to see at 9:30 AM every Tuesday and Thursday. He would have almost been dreamy if he had the slightest knack for small talk. As it was, Eric didn’t even have a name to go on, just intent blue eyes and an ass that even the baggiest of shorts couldn’t mask.

One day, Eric decided to drop a hospitality bomb on the guy and see if he could coax a response out of him. They were both consistently early to class, so Eric budgeted ten minutes for a brief chat before class started and turned to Cute Guy with a winning smile on his face.

“So how about that reading, huh? I thought it was fascinating how cake mix became a prestige thing- everyone in my family bakes, and I don’t think we’ve used a box mix in forty years.”

“Yeah,” the guy said, “I think it had something to do with the scientific advancements they made in food preservation for the troops. Shelf stabilization wouldn’t have been nearly as achievable in earlier years.”

Miraculously, once you got onto a clear subject, Cute Guy was actually a decent conversationalist. Eric found himself losing track of time as they dissected last night’s chapters of Marling.

“And the American National Exhibition anecdote!” he giggled. “Who can even tell the difference between Russian and American Coke?”

“I bet it’s easier with all of the Soviet Union breathing down your back. ‘Da, cola of Mother Russia is vkusno!’”

“Nice accent,” Eric told Cute Guy.

“Really? Thanks, I’ll have to tell Geno. He’s always knocking my Russian. He’s, uh, a friend of my dad’s, and we both play hockey.”

“So that’s what your weird doodles are? Hockey plays?”

“Yeah, I’m captain of the hockey team here. We’re not half bad, if I say so myself.”

“Wow,” Eric enthused, “you must be a pretty good skater, then.”

“Yeah, I guess. I could teach you sometime, if you want. I’m Jack, by the way,’ Cute Guy said.

Keep reading

Can I talk about The Wide Window for a second?

Specifically– how the book, the 2004 movie, and the new Netflix series all manage to portray the same exact scene with three different themes?

Naturally, there are probably going to be spoilers, so read on at your own discretion, a phrase which here means, ‘make a choice and don’t blame me if it was the wrong choice for you…’

Keep reading


Y/n has created a chatroom.

Y/n has added CiviWarVillan28

Y/n: Zemo look, look

Y/n: People made you a meme

Y/n: You should feel honoured. Not everybody can be a meme.



CivilWarVillan28: Excuse me? Who is this Zemo you’re talking about?

Y/n: Don’t be silly now.

Y/n: Even if you weren’t Zemo, but you are, how wouldn’t you know about Zemo if your username is “civilwarvillan28”?

CivilWarVillan28: How did you find me? Does anyone else know about this?

Y/n: I’ve been studying you, can’t you tell?

Y/n: Also you’re suffering from lack of creativity.

Y/n: CivilWarVillan28, seriously? But what’s fascinating me the most it’s that CivilWarVillan was taken, huh?

Y/n: Is 28 the number of your apartment, or your age? Or your cats name?

CivilWarVillan28 changed his name into Zemo

Zemo: No darling, 28 is the number of seconds you will still be alive.

Y/n: Aha, yeah

Y/n: Wait, sorry, we’re you trying to be scary?

Zemo: Don’t underestimate me, Y/n. In my free time, I found many interesting things about your past.

Y/n: Dang, did you find out that I stole that candy back in 09?

Y/n: Or that time I put the spider into Tony’s room and he still, till this day, thinks it was Steve?

Y/n: Hold on, did you find me Tumblr?

Zemo: You can play a though girl, Y/n, but that’s exactly what you are, a girl.

Y/n: A GIRL that can kick your ass in less than 28 seconds.

Zemo: First you have to get me.

Y/n: What makes you think I am not outside of your apartment, which is two block away from Avengers tower, right now?

Y/n: Where did you go?

Y/n: Aha, you went and looked if I am really there.

Zemo: How did you find me?

Y/n: Not only that your hiding is weak, you’re also getting senile.

Y/n: To remind you, you’ve asked me that already.

Y/n: I’ve been studying you.

Y/n: Oh and don’t try to exit this chat, because you can’t. Also I wouldn’t even try if I were you.

Zemo: And why is that?

Y/n: Because I said so.

Zemo: Your word means nothing to me.

Tony has entered the chat.

Tony: Y/n have you seen my

Tony: Da fak?


Tony: I mean, I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it.

Tony: But still

Y/n: Okay so, Zemo is here in the chat, you know his address, and you still decide to yell at me for one little spider?

Y/n: unbelievable.

Tony has added Clint, Sam, Nat, Wanda, Bucky and Steve

Tony: Now I finally know who stands behind that awful little prank.

Steve: And what was I telling you all this time?

Bucky: I knew it was Y/n.

Sam: Same.

Clint: I even helped her.

Tony: Thanks buddy.

Nat: What is Zemo doing here?

Bucky: ZEMO?

Bucky: Thanks for the adress, Y/n.

Bucky: You are going to pay for them almost killing me because of things that they thought I did.

Sam: Sad word, almost.

Sam: But who wants to take turns in beating Zemo?

Y/n: Hey, nobody’s touching my friend here.

Zemo: Thank you, Y/n.

Tony: Are you kidding me?

Steve: You call that monster, that almost destroyed us, a friend, and you defend him? In front all of us?

Tony: Technically he didn’t do much

Zemo: Don’t you think, monster is a bit too harsh?

Tony; Your friend BUCKY on the other hand did all the dirty work.

Steve: No.

Nat: Both of you shut up.

Sam: Am I the only one who sensed sarcasm in Y/n sentence?

Y/N: Apparently.

Wanda: Can’t blame Steve and Tony. They’re old.

Nat: What are we going to do with him?

Steve: I am sick of this old jokes

Clint: What about “language” jokes?

Steve: Ugh

Y/n: I suggest we tie him up and insist to know more about his next plan

Y/n: Let’s be honest, he wasn’t crocheting all this time.

Zemo: If you catch me, then ask me and I will tell you nicely, until then.

Clint: You do realise we are outside your apartment, right?

Sam: And inside too?

Zemo: I am not telling you anything.

Y/n: Who’s gonna take first punch?

Steve: Me

Bucky: Me

Bucky has left the chat

Tony: Me

Nat: Me

Clit: Ladies first.

Nat has left the chat.

Zemo has been disconnected.

Tony: Whatever.

Y/n: Now stop typing and get to work.

Y/n has left the chat.

Tony: She can be a real bitch sometimes.

Sam: Tell me about it.

Tony has left the chat,

Sam has left the chat.

Clint: They better hope she doesn’t see this, or they will be the ones tied up, trying the feeling of her punches.

Steve: She really does have a good punch.

Wanda: Girl Power.

Steve has left the chat

Wanda has left the chat

Clint: They won’t notice if I go and search some Pokémon’s.

Clint: YOLO

Clint has left the chat.

‘`[1]′` Long Live The Queen

Genre: angst, series

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader (ft. some girl named Hyerim who plays as Taehyungs new girlfriend & Jeon Jungkook)

Warnings: mild vulgar language 

Originally posted by donewithjeon

    ✕     Your posture turns stiff as you stand there like a deer in the headlights. The girl he is with now giggled, turning evilly towards you with a stare built with push daggers. 

  “[Y/N], I’m sorry…” Taehyung mumbled loud enough for you to hear, “But I’m breaking up with you.” You nearly dropped your things as you felt the distance between the two of them and you, standing at the doorframe of your old bedroom, stray away from you. 

  “I understand…” You exhaled. You will not fight him on his choice to love you. If he wanted to run off with some other chick he’d pick up on the side of the streets then, 

so be it. 

     You briskly packed your things, utterly disgusted at their make-out session going on. It was like they didn’t even acknowledge you anymore. You were merely just a fly. 

To Hyerim, only a pesky mosquito. 

   You can cry about it later. Right now, you just needed to get the hell out of this house and hope to never return. As you exited the building, you wondered as you began to make a beeline for your house. 

You wouldn’t think that’d it’d all come to an end like this. 

  Taehyung had you believing he loved you for you, nobody could top you. 

        You were his angel. How could such a girl like her twist his mind into believing you were but a piece of plastic on the concrete floor? She has him wrapped around her finger, surely. 

      All hope is lost for you, you supposed. This girl… She was far more fascinating than you. Taehyung caught himself a beauty queen, huh? She had the waist and chest, to the lips and the eyes. 

   Her hair was silk like the ties he wore. Her smile were brighter than day and her taste in outfits would put designers out of business. 


You arrived at your house a while later, shuffling in your bag for the key. You managed to fish it out, and unlock the door. As soon as you shut the door, you slid down the door and sunk to your knees. 

You put your head down and began to weep. Sadness seeped through your veins as your head pounded with disbelief. You eventually cried yourself to sleep on the floor. 

        –              ❝    4:00 AM, October 15th, 2017   ❞

Jungkook would make a mad dash for Taehyung’s door. He knew it was way too late at night, but knowing you, Jungkook knew you’d still be up. Jungkook stepped up to the door and knocked gently. 

No answer. 

He’d knock again, but quite loudly. 

Still no answer. 

    “[Y/N]?! [Y/N]?!” He chimed, waiting for you to answer the door. The door nearly swung open, “Why are you here? Go away!” Jungkook gave a displeased look, revolted of the repulsive attitude of Taehyung’s new girlfriend, “You’re not [Y/N]?”

    The drowsy girl hissed, “Oh. That girl? She ran off to cry herself to death. Can’t stand her at all!” 

     A mental record scratch played in Jungkook’s mind. Hold up. He knew this girl was NOT talking down on [Y/N]. Jungkook prayed to the heavens she was not. 

   “Pardon?” Jungkook cleared his voice. “What? I told you she’s not here” Hyerim growled. 

    “I’m not even going to fight you right here and right now. I need to go find someone WAY more important. And tell Taehyung to text me. I need to know what the hell is going on right now!” Jungkook turned on his heels and headed for your house. 

  When he arrived at your door, he knocked and knocked until you opened the door. He obnoxiously rang the doorbell too, Jungkook was desperate to get in and get to the bottom of this. 

    You got up from the floor in sweat. You ran a hand through your hair as you stood and opened the door timidly. “[Y/N]!” Jungkook rushed in and shut the door with his foot, engulfing you in hugs. 

    “What happened?! Who was that at Taehyung’s house?!” Jungkook swung you in his arms a little. 

    “[Y/N], I’m sorry…” 

     You began to sob, your tears wetting Jungkook’s shirt. “[Y/N], oh my– I’m so sorry~” Jungkook walked you over to a chair and sat the both of you down, rubbing your back.

   “I seriously need Taehyung to text me. What the fuck…” 

  Jungkook locked his phone, and threw it behind you. “Hey, look at me,” Jungkook tried to get you to face him, “[Y/N].” You looked at him with tear stains on your cheeks and tears in your eyes. 

   “I’m here for you, okay? Hell, I’ll even move in if I have to, just to make sure you’re safe and feeling happy” Jungkook held your shoulders, gazing into your glossed over hues. 

   You nod, “O-Okay… Thank you so much…” Jungkook threw you into his arms, rubbing slow circles on your back and hushing you as you began to mourn again. “We’ll deal with them in the morning…” 

Part Two Scheduled For Tomorrow.

Word count: 830


Part Two is out

trimberly prompt: “seven minutes in heaven” (2.7k)

Kimberly is the first over the lip of the chasm, collapsing to the ground once she reaches the top, coarse gravel digging uncomfortably into her shoulder blades. She considers moving, but only manages to lift her head instead, biting back a groan, watching as Jason climbs out of the ravine, close behind. He splays on the quarry ground next to her, reaching out to pinch weakly at her arm.

“Maybe it’s time we invest in a rope,” he says, “or like a really long ladder.”

Trini is the next up, and she greets them with a glare, tossing a handful of gravel halfheartedly in their direction.

“Who made you the leader again?”

Zach hauls himself over the edge, reaching back to pull Billy up behind him. “I think that was the giant disembodied head,” he says. “If I remember correctly.”

Kimberly laughs and Jason mimes a frown, swatting his hand vaguely in Zach’s direction. “It’s not my fault I have the coolest color.”

Trini scoffs. “As if.”

“Yeah,” Kimberly says, snapping at the elastic of her pink sports bra, the hem visible under her low-scooped tank, “that would be me.”

If the motion draw Trini’s eyes, Kimberly doesn’t notice.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Bubble bath with Jeonghan~

lmao I hope this is to your liking anonnie~ ♥

You huffed when you closed the door behind you and dropped your gym bag to the floor.

“Welcome home!” Jeonghan called from the couch, and you greeted him while toeing your shoes off. Rubbing your shoulders one by one, you walked to the living room. He moved his eyes from his phone screen to you and grinned. “How was the gym?”

You knew full well that while you had been working out, he had been more or less just lying down on the couch, and you sighed while stretching a little. “Exhausting. I could really use a bath…”

At that, Jeonghan suddenly sat up and put his phone away, while a playful grin took over his features. “Got it. Sit down for a bit, babe, and I’ll get you real soon.”

With widened eyes, you could only nod and mumble “Okay…” while Jeonghan quickly kissed you on the side of your head and disappeared into the bathroom. You sat down on the couch, still confused about what your boyfriend had in mind, and began fiddling with your phone to keep yourself entertained while you waited.

You didn’t keep track of the time, but it was probably no more than ten minutes or so later that Jeonghan opened the bathroom door and peeked through it, his torso bare and his lips stretched to a wide smile. “Alright, Y/N, everything’s ready. Come on.”

Unable to keep the smile from spreading to your lips, too, you got up and walked to the bathroom, unsure of what to expect. Once he had let you in, Jeonghan observed proudly how your expression went from curious to amazed, with your eyebrows rising and eyes widening and your lips parting into a fascinated “Wow”. 

“Not bad, huh?” Jeonghan asked with a snicker, referring to the bubble bath he had set for you, as well as the candles by the sink and counter, placed so that they gave you some romantic lighting but wouldn’t set either of you alight. Your towels were hanging neatly from their hooks and even the small mat you had by the bathtub was placed a lot more carefully than it normally was. While you remained speechless, Jeonghan wrapped his arms around your shoulders from behind and whispered in amusement. “I also put that bath salt of yours into it.”

You turned around in his embrace and smiled at him as you wrapped your arms around his neck, smiling softly before bringing your lips to his for a moment. “Thank you.”

Jeonghan gave you another quick kiss and shook his head before grinning and sliding his hands down to your butt to squeeze it. “Now, let’s get in.”

Already nodding, you only registered his words a few seconds later. “Wait, so you’re joining?”

Your boyfriend shrugged, the playful grin still present on his face. “Unless you have something against it?”

After some quick thought, you shook your head and tapped Jeonghan’s cheek before pulling away from his hug so that you could undress. “Not at all.”

Jeonghan took off his joggers and boxers, and silently watched you take off your clothes as well, piece by piece, and by the time you were as bare as he was, his Adam’s apple had already bobbed more than once. 

You grinned at him when you had finally put your underwear to the laundry basket. “Were we supposed to get in, or?”

“Ah, yes,” Jeonghan said hurriedly and laughed while motioning you to get in first, and you did just that. You let out a satisfied sigh as you soaked in the water, which was pleasantly warm around your sore muscles and overall tired body, and held a faint scent of your favorite fruit. It was strong enough for you to somewhat smell it, but weak enough not to be unpleasantly sharp - definitely a good buy. Jeonghan stepped in on the other end of the tub, and you felt his feet by your hips while he lifted your legs on top of his. “Do your legs need a massage?”

Squinting, you nodded slowly. “Sure… But what are you trying to make up for?”

Jeonghan’s bubbly laughter filled the dimly lit bathroom, and even you laughed a little. “What do you mean? Can’t I just pamper you because I feel like it?”

He had already started to gently massage your left calf muscle, although if you were asked, the massage was more tickling than it was relaxing. You shrugged. “Of course you can, it’s just… weird, I guess.”

“Don’t tell that to others, that doesn’t really make me sound like a good boyfriend,” Jeonghan hummed jokingly while thoroughly massaging your muscle before moving to the left one. “Either way, in that case I suppose I should pamper you a bit more often.”

You shrugged and stroked Jeonghan’s legs slowly, affectionately, and giggled. “You don’t have to. You’re the perfect boyfriend the way you are.”

He lifted his face, since he had been focusing more on your legs, and gave you a smile that was so soft that you knew your words had hit him hard. You freed your legs from his touch and got closer to him, and with some of the foam getting stuck to your hand, you caressed Jeonghan’s left cheek. 

“I love you,” you said quietly and leaned closer to press a kiss to the corner of Jeonghan’s mouth, after which you pressed another soft kiss on the mole on his right cheek, from where you moved to his lips, this time giving him a full kiss. He chuckled and held you lovingly as you slowly found a comfortable position between his legs with your back facing him.

You played with Jeonghan’s feet with yours, and his arms wrapped loosely around your waist. He leaned down to kiss you gently on your neck, after which he merely leaned his head on your shoulder, and a lot less sensually brought his hands to the top of the water and caught a lot of foam with them before bringing them to you and covering the part of you that wasn’t underwater with it.

“A foam beard, really?” you laughed out when you felt him giving you one, and you turned back playfully. Jeonghan snickered.

“It suits you,” he said in amusement, and only laughed more when you brought some foam to his jaw, chin and cheeks as well.

“Now we’re matching,” you giggled, playing with Jeonghan’s hair while looking deep into his eyes, slightly hooded as they always were.

“Have you ever seen a beard be kissed away?” he asked with a straight face and started to lean closer to you. The corners of your mouth tugged upwards as you shook your head, and a mere second after that Jeonghan’s lips were on yours, playful and daring and passionate.

And when he later pulled away, neither of you had any foam on your faces, except a few rare spots.

When you had calmed down again and Jeonghan was playing with your fingers, he called your name, and you hummed.

“But actually… I wanted to tell you that I kind of accidentally dropped the photo of us that you had framed, and the frames broke.”

“Were you stretching on the couch again?”


You shook your head. “We’ll just buy a new frame.”

Jeonghan nodded and pressed a kiss to your shoulder.

You murmured. “I knew you were making up for something…”

Admin Scooter

anonymous asked:

I really like all of your writing! I wonder, what would you say of this? Obi-Wan remained in the agricorps, years later the Clone War started and the peaceful planet he was growing crops on is attacked by the Separatists. The Republic sends Master Jinn and Padawan Skywalker along with their troops.

It was still green.

Anakin looked around the field and then to Qui-Gon who was also looking around. “I thought you said the Separatists bombed this area?” He questioned, voice hushed in awe.

“…They did. The reports were…terrible.” Qui-Gon moved to his former padawans side before looking back at the greens. “But take a good look Anakin, they bombed farms…this…is not farming plants.” He reached out towards one almost glittering looking flower and then jerked his hand back quickly when it snapped at him with teeth. “These are a lot more dangerous then the common grains.”

“But if it was bombed…that means these grew out in the time after the Separatist bombed it and we got here…so…two weeks…for fully grown plants?” Anakin blinked as the troopers were setting up the camp around them.

Stroking his beard slowly, Qui-Gon made a low humming noise and narrowed his eyes. “Which makes me believe that not all the Agricorps members were killed.” There was a measure of excitement in his voice. “Someone survived the bombing of the planet.”

“But…where are they? Why haven’t they come to us?” Anakin looked at the green lushness.

“Because they don’t know where here. They’re hiding from the Separatists Anakin, Agricops are not trained like Jedi knights, whoever survived has basic combat instructions and don’t utilize the Force for battle, but to grow. Whoever they are did the best they could.” He waved one large hand at the plants. “They created their defense.”

“Sirs?” Both Jedi turned to Commander Cody. “We could rig up a loud speaker, if you both think that would be safe.”

“We would draw the Separatists to our position.” Anakin frowned.

Qui-Gon snorted. “I’m pretty sure they know we’re here Anakin. They’ve had eyes on us since we landed.”

“But they don’t have exact position.” Anakin argued.

That got the bigger Jedi to hesitate then sigh. “You’re right… I just…one of them are alive.” He looked back to the greenery. “They feed the temple and every Jedi and youngling there with the surplus going to disaster areas. I just…want to find them. Make sure they are safe.” He looked to Anakin. “They are certainly not defenseless but…you understand my worry, they are part of the Order.”

Reaching out, Anakin grasped his former Master’s shoulder and squeezed. “I do. We’ll find them and bring them back to safety.”

“I do hope there’s more then one of them sirs.” Cody offered, looking to the greenery. “If not they’ve been alone since the bombing, that can be…traumatizing if you’re a peaceful farmer.” It was traumatizing to soldiers and Jedi too.

But to someone who was not expected to see battle perhaps moreso.

“That’s…almost a week now if there’s only one.” The older Jedi mused.

“There must be more then one to have grown all of this.” Anakin frowned.

“Not necessarily. It depends on the power level of the Agricore member in question. Some of them didn’t flunk out because they didn’t have the power or skill to become a Jedi Anakin, some of them just had no masters willing to take them.” A green eyed boy with desperate eyes and hair turning copper flashed for Qui-Gon’s eyes. “…Some of them may have become great Jedi if they only had the chance.”

Rex moved to their side. “How do we find them if they don’t know we’re here and we can’t contact them?”

“We search for them, simple.” Qui-Gon offered as if it was the obvious answer.

“I don’t think we can go in there if the plants are all dangerous sir.” Rex offered skeptically.

“I think he means with the Force Rex, relax.”  Anakin smiled.

“…That makes more sense.”

“Yes.” Qui-Gon chuckled quietly. “Apologies captain but I meant with the Force. If we can find them we can call for them and they can make their way here. Me and Anakin should be enough, me with my skills in the Living Force and Anakin as a powerhouse to keep the search going. A living being is much more complicated then a plant when it comes to the Force and feels different. We should find them.”

The two troopers traded looks.


The older Jedi seemed to need there to be more then one survivor of the team of farmers that had once inhabited the planet.

“Guess even Jedi have their version of civilians huh.” Rex murmured.

“We already knew that, the younglings we had to protect last month was proof of that.” Cody countered as Anakin and Qui-Gon settled down in a meditative poses to search the planet for the core member.

“Yeah but you don’t consider their adults that way usually. You see one of those robes and poof, its a Jedi. A warrior…we don’t consider the cores.” The captain shrugged.

“Yeah…” Cody sighed then rubbed the back of his neck. “Lets get things set while the two search huh.”

The troopers mingled about as minutes turned to hours, both Jedi sitting still, breathing steadily as they searched.

“…You know, its a good thing the Commander isn’t here.” Rex suddenly murmured, sitting on a crate while looking around.

“Yeah?” Waxer blinked at him, laying on a bed with Kix wrapping bacta bandages around his ankle.

“Yeah, she’s been here before. I don’t think she’d take it well to see…well this.” Rex shrugged. “It was peaceful here, just a moon used for farming.” He sighed.

“…Its just a petty thing to do against the Jedi, isn’t it? Attacking a farming moon?” Cody whispered.

“It is. But we already knew the Separatist were cowards.”

They look over when the Jedi finally move.

Qui-Gon slowly stretches and takes a deep breath before turning to Kix and Helix. “One. They’re making their way here now…you best have a bed and supplies ready.” He smiles but its turned brittle.

Anakin is visibly scowling at the dirt under his knees, hands clenched on his thighs. “One.”

“…Its better then none. The first bombs would have come without warning.” Qui-Gon murmured before getting up, peering into the greenery.



“So I’m curious.” Obi-Wan questioned, his voice soft and soothing as he laid on his side in the bed provided to him, watching Waxer and Boil. “Does it feel like incest when two vods get together or more like selfcest?” He blinked, face curious.

“Not really, its more like furious masturbation with extra hands and bits.” Waxer offered happily, slathering his toast with as much butter as he could as he sat on his own bed. “Though Boil can do this thing with his tongue that I have no idea how to do that feels absolutely divine.”

“Huh, well that’s fascinating.” The core member smiled, bacta patches covering his face and his now bandaged arm resting against his stomach.

Qui-Gon and Anakin watched discreetly, taking in the injured survivor.

Mud was coating his copper waist length hair, a scraggly beard, his tunics had been ripped to rags and the bombs had not left him mercifully. Obi-Wan frame was covered in burns from head to toe though the bacta was doing its work there along with a swollen eye and a broken arm.

But he’s alive.

‘Of all the core members I encounter…its him.’ Qui-Gon wondered at the coincidence of the Force even as he caught green eyes with his own blue. ‘Its him.’

The Joker (Jared Leto) x Reader-  “Trick or Threat?”

For Halloween, you and Jared like to borrow kids from your friends and go “Trick or Treat” with them. It’s been a tradition for a while but this year is a little bit different: your boyfriend decided to surprise you with something he knows you will love and he has no idea you have a little something for him also.

You rush down the stairs, eager to open the door: he probably forgot his keys again. Jared wasn’t home when you woke up and sent just a short text:

“Be back around 12pm,” with a heart emoji.

You open the door and freeze:

“Trick or threat?” the husky voice asks and you are stunned.

“Oh my God, Jared ! Why didn’t you tell me?! I would have been Harley!”

“Who the fuck is Jared, woman?!” he growls and you giggle. “Are you cheating on me?!” and J uses his cane to open the door wider and walks inside the house, groping you in the process.

You’ve been begging him to be The Joker for Halloween all year and he refused, saying it’s too exhausting.

“Baby, you really should have told me,” you approach and he looks around, snarling.

“Fancy house, you sure are sooo spoiled,” he ignores your complaint, stopping in the middle of the living room. Jared is wearing your favorite outfit from the movie: the black pants and white shirt from the club scene. You adore it because you think it makes his perfect butt stand out. You get on your toes and wrap your arms around his neck, frantically kissing him.

“Thank you,” you caress the green hair, smiling. “You know I have a kink for your Joker.”

“Watch the make-up, honey. They’ve been getting me ready since 6 this morning,” Jared suddenly emerges for a few moments.

“Oops, sorry,” you back out and he spanks you.

“I’m joking, Princess, Daddy likes it,” and he kisses you again while you can’t stop laughing. “Did you decide on a costume yet?”

“No, I keep on debating. Come on Jared, help me decide,” you jump off his arms, dragging him upstairs.

“Who the hell is this Jared?!” he gets pissed, in character again.

“Nobody you should be worried about, Mister J,” you play along, thrilled he did this for you: if this isn’t love, then you certainly don’t have a clue about it.

“Then why are you wearing this skimpy little nightgown, hm? Was he just here and you had fun with him? I’m gonna kill the bastard!” the tirade continues as you enter the master bedroom upstairs.

“Nooo, let’s not kill him,” you plead, pointing towards the three outfits on the bed. “We might need him later. Sit down and I will get dressed, then tell me what you think, ok?”

“Hurry up Doll, I don’t have all day!” the feistiness kicks in and it gives you a boost of energy.

“Of course, Mister J !” you grab the first item and run inside the walk- in closet to change. After you’re done, you step out and your sexy presence is greeted with a whistle of admiration and purring.

“So you like it…Daddy?” you wink, licking your lips.

“Don’t play with my emotions, you evil woman!” The Joker snarls, talking deep breaths.”I have a thing for nurses.”

“Oh, I know,” you zip down your top, tossing it in his lap.

“You’re wicked, “ he concludes, enjoying the striptease show.

“Oh, I know,” you repeat, now in just your bra and panties, grabbing the second outfit and try to get away but he snatches you and starts kissing every piece of skin he can get his lips on. “Bad Mister J,” you enjoy the pampering then manage to escape. “You told me to hurry up so be patient.”

“Patient?! What does that mean?!” J gets worked up, and you chuckle, getting dressed with the second outfit.

“Taaaa-daaaa,” you come out and he’s standing by the dresser.

“Wooow, Cat Woman! Look at those curves: I approve,” Jared grins and the silver teeth make you weak in the knees. There is something else standing out.

“Are those socks in there or are you just very happy to see me, baby?” you slowly come closer, staring at his crotch.

“They’re socks,” he adjusts his gold chains, grinning.

“Let me see,” you unbutton his pants, stick your hand in there and…pull out a pair of folded socks. You burst out laughing, amused.

“You’re so goofy,” the laughing continues as you pull out… a second pair of socks.

Jared tries not to laugh.

“That’s it, no more socks, the rest is natural,” he whispers in your ear. “Daddy saved it all for you, Pumpkin.”

“Are you taking advantage of the fact that I worship your Joker?” you jump in his arms, pecking his neck tattoo.

“Totally,” Jared shamelessly admits, heading towards the bed with the sweet burden of his existence.

“Are you sure your make-up and tattoos will be allright?” you double check because you are aware how long it takes to get him ready.

“I’m sure; they’re made to last for hours.”

“Don’t you want to see my 3rd outfit?”

“Nope, you can be Cat Woman,” he mumbles, placing you on the bed and has one more question while impatiently undressing you. “You still didn’t answer: trick or threat?” Jared purrs when you take off his shirt.

Threat !” you moan when his hands go down your waist, cupping the side of your thighs.

“Mmmm, good girl,” that devilish smirk and the blue eyes make you lose it. “Let’s see…I’m gonna steal you from that Jared guy and have my way with his woman all over this house.”

“Sounds more like a treat,” you sigh and squeal when he bites your lip.

“Depends how you look at it Doll,” he grumbles and you dig your nails in his back. “So who do you want: Jared or The Joker, huh?” J licks your swollen lip, finding your fascination with his character irresistible.

“Both, “ you are fast to reply. “Can you take turns?” and you seem so excited and desperate there is no other choice.

“You’re such a perv, woman!” he snickers. “Exactly my type.”

The sentence makes you eagerly scratch his soft skin and the request is quick to follow:

“The Joker first, please.”

“No problem, Kitten,” and he cracks his neck, prompting a very enthusiastic scream from your part.


You already went to a couple of houses with Jake and Sarah into a new neighborhood. They are siblings: the little boy is 4 and the girl is 5, aka Spiderman and Cinderella. You ”borrowed” them from your friends for a couple of hours for some Halloween fun like you always do.

“Trick or treat?” the children inquire when the door they knocked at opens up.

“Treat!” and they are offered a bunch of candy they stash in their bags.

“Duuudddee!!” the guy exclaims when he sees Jared. “You look like The Joker; perfect cosplay, you really look like him!”

“Thank you,” he puckers his lips, amused.

“Hold on, my wife loves The Suicide Squad Joker. Honnneey!… Emma !! Hey! You gotta see this!”

“What is it?” you hear the woman’s voice and she is mesmerized as soon as she sees him.

“Jesus, you look like Mister J ! Can we take a picture?” she keeps on fangirling.

“Of course,” he agrees, the comment pleasing him.

“I thought Jared did an amazing job as The Joker! I am so obsessed with him. Sorry babe,” she addresses the husband when he rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, he wasn’t too bad,” Jared flashes his smile for the picture and now she wants another one with both of you.

“Not too bad?! He was phenomenal!!!” she keeps on praising and it makes you happy.


More walking around, more candy.

“Hey, Joker !!” a bunch of young guys dressed as Hobbits shout in your direction.“Where’s Harley, man?!”

“On vacation!” Jared yells back and it prompts laughter. “I have a bad Kitty with me instead!”

“Hot Kitty !!!” one of them yells and the others start howling.

You hold on to Jared’s hand, chuckling while he admonishes:

“Watch it !!! This is my Kitty, find your own!”

More laughter while they distance themselves from your small group. The kids are already ringing the doorbell from another house.

“Oh, “ the lady gasps in surprise when she notices you two waiting for the cute heroes to return by your side. “ You sure have great costumes! I have to admit that Leto butchered The Joker though,” she nods her head in denial, dropping sweets in the bags.

“Such a lack of talent,” Jared sarcastically admits. You want to say something but he squeezes your waist, signaling you not to.

“Indeed! I can’t believe how bad he was,” she goes on and you are getting irritated.

“The worst ever!” J agrees and you frown more.


“Why are you silent?” Jared intertwines his fingers with yours, awaiting on a reply.

“That lady annoyed me,” you sulk and he kisses your hand.

“I don’t care, I’m used to it. You like my Joker and that’s good enough,” Jared smiles but you know the negative comments hurt, especially after he worked so hard on the character. Contrary to what some people believe, he is human after all. “Speed up, those kids are far ahead.”

More walking, more chocolate, more candy…

“These stilettos are horrible,” the uncomfortable grimace on your face lets him know.“We’ve been walking around for two hours, I’m kind of done.”

“Just a couple more houses and then we can return our rental offsprings, ok?” J negotiates and you agree.

“Fine, but no more than that; I can barely walk.”

“Must be because you had too much fun having sex with two guys in the same time,” he snorts, teasing.

You lift your shoulders up, your cheeks burning under the mask:

“Can’t help it ! A girl has to have her fun.”

“Daddy will show you more fun after we get home, hm?” the hot breath on your neck gives you goosebumps.

“If you insist…” you pretend to be indifferent but the anticipation is making you impatient. “Can we hurry up?”

“Yeah, no problem,” he pinches your butt through the skin-tight latex suit while Jake and Sarah knock on another door.

“Get out of here: it’s my nemesis!” he turns his attention towards the young boy dressed as Batman coming out of the house to hand out candy with his dad. The 7 year old stares with his mouth open: he glances at Jared, then at The Joker action figure in his hand, then back to Jared, then back to his Joker action figure.

“Amazing cosplay, man!” his father laughs and Jared kneels by his son, entertained.

“Are you following me around, Mister Batsy?” he asks and Batman’s eyes get big. “We are actually friends, you know that, right?”

The boy can’t make a sound, just nods a yes, captivated.

“Here, a token of my friendship,” Jared takes one of his bracelets off, placing it around the kid’s wrist. “Shake hands?”

“U-hum,” the child agrees and your heart melts.

“Awwww,”  you sigh, touched by the scene unfolding in front of your eyes.

“What do you say for the gift?” the dad has to intervene in order for his son to remember his manners.

“Thank you Mister Joker,” the shy voice speaks up and it makes you teary thinking about something you found out this morning you didn’t share with him yet.


“Trick or treat?” you step in the bedroom, wearing something he finds super seductive: two strings, held together by some kind of loop, then your breasts hardly covered by a few more strings and one small bow miraculously still in place. All pink.

“Holy shit, honey! Definitely a treat!” Jared decides on the spot, already in bed, fidgeting with his boxers.

“I was hoping you’re gonna say that,” you crawl in bed, holding something behind your back. “Here’s your treat,” you casually show him the positive pregnancy test and he fights with himself in order to contain the overwhelming happiness.

“This…this is the best treat I ever got in my entire life!” Jared confesses, not being able to maintain character; he still has the make-up and tattoos: they won’t be removed until tomorrow morning when he will drop by the studio.

You nervously blink and start crying, already worried about everything.

“Why are you crying, hm?” he caresses your face and you sniffle when your forehead gets kissed. “This is truly the best news. We don’t have to borrow kids for Halloween anymore, right? I mean, we still can so we can have a crowd,” he takes the pregnancy test out of your fingers, studying the red positive marking for a few seconds.“But…who’s the father?”

“What?!” you rub your eyes, waiting to hear about an over the top assumption for sure.

“Is it me or The Joker? You sleep with both, how do we know?”

This is enough to alleviate the tension and your body relaxes, a big smile appearing on your lips: Jared was counting on it since he noticed how anxious you were.

“I’m not sure…” you answer, watching him hide the test under his pillow.

“Stop fooling around, woman,” The Joker takes over, helping you get on top of him.“You know I’m possessive and jealous!”

“Are you?”

“Extremely! Now give me my other treat!” he yanks your hands away so you can get really close to him. He notices the hesitation. “What now?”

“Can I…can I have my Jared?”

“Ughh, you’re killing me, Y/N,” Jared complains, his voice returning to normal.

“The Joker can wait for his turn, I still want him,” you pull on his bottom lip and he debates.

“For the record, this is harder than any movie script, do you understand?” your boyfriend really wants to emphasize his hardship.

“I think there’s something else that’s harder,” you taunt, grinding against him.

“I swear no socks are involved,” J laughs and you giggle, tracing his jaw line.

“Certainly not,” you kiss him and whisper in his ear: “Are you excited we’re going to be parents?”

Jared’s hands hold you so tight you can’t move.

“I’m so happy…” he whispers back and lifts your chin up so you can look at each other.“But are you asking me or The Joker?”

“Both,” you humor him.

“I’m happy and he feels cocky because he’s a stud and he got the confirmation he can impregnate everything that moves!” the speech makes you laugh like crazy as you slide off Jared, snuggling to his neck in the process.

“You’re such an idiot and I love you to death,” Jared hears as he pulls on all those strings you’ve been teasing him with since you showed up in the bedroom.

“Daddy will punish you for being so disrespectful!” The King of Gotham makes his presence known once more and you protest.

“I said I want my Jared !”

“Don’t care! I’m the one doing all the difficult work here: I have to act, I have to have sex, I have to satisfy my demanding woman, I have to pay attention to all the details, I have to…”

You cover his mouth.

“Fair enough, baby,” the lecture is abruptly interrupted by your candid acceptance and he grins, victorious, while switching off the light. You gasp, enticed: the green toxic hair glows in the dark.

“You like this new turn on my Joker?” he wants to know as he tears the flimsy strings apart one by one.

“This is soooo cool!” you run your fingers through it. “It’s very Halloween-ish,” and his rough kiss leaves you breathless.

“Shut up and let me enjoy my treat, woman!” J growls and your comeback delights him:

“I’ll do whatever you say, Mister Joker.”


fullmetalkarneval13  asked:

I got a prompt!!! How about... Oh oh... Ok... *Clears throat, steepling my fingers* this might be a lil long winded but here's what I got. Viktor is retired and Yuuri is still skating, viktor still his coach. They bought a house in heastu, and are walking home from the rink... They're walking up the drive when they see a basket on there stoop... Mewling coming from the basket.... A lil baby with a letter on top of it's belly laid in the basket... What do you think???

HELLO FRIEND!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING THE NICEST PERSON EVER AND REQUESTING THE NICEST IDEA EVER!!! (we now have Lori’s custody, we own her lol) Anyways…I hope you like this!! Even though I first thought you meant a kitten and yeah XD 

Life and Love.

Viktor had thought he knew what those words meant. He didn’t need to look them up in a dictionary to define them, they rolled out his tongue on a casual daily basis, he spit them, voiced them a thousand times with the security only habit could provide. He was Viktor Nikiforov, after all. Owner of a great life, five gold medals, a beautiful poodle named Makkachin, and a smile that could set any stare on fire.

How could it have been possible, in any way, that someone like him didn’t know about Life and Love?

But all of a sudden, this clumsy guy stepped in with his awkwardness and his glasses, making music with his body, and giving a completely new meaning to two terms that, before, had seemed completely obvious.

They weren’t as obvious anymore.

What he could so easily define in the past, the solidity of those words, would now melt into meaningless babbles when he looked at him, when he heard him laugh, when he felt the needy press of fingers on his skin. Suddenly, words weren’t enough.

He had built a whole new definition for Life and Love. A wordless definition. That was so easily summarized into a specific shade of brown, and that he only got when he stared at Yuuri in the eyes.

However, there were times when the meanings escaped his restrains, and they flew in the empty air and away from his hold.

There were times when Yuuri wasn’t there, maybe at the rink practicing or hanging out with Phichit. There were times, when Yuuri was busy or uninterested, and Viktor’s roaming hands weren’t enough to convince him. There were times when he was alone, maybe staring at the sea, feeling he still had so much Life and Love inside of him he didn’t know where to fit, where to pour.

It wasn’t Yuuri’s fault, he knew. He had no one to blame but himself.

Sometimes Yuuri would find him sitting on the couch, looking at his old performances, those in which he still had his long hair and way before he started to question the meaning of Life and Love. Back then, both were found on the ice. And Viktor sometimes desperately wanted to feel that again, that youthful, innocent certainty, that precise definition. In those moments, his husband would reach for him and hug him from behind, massage his neck with loving, caring hands and plant some few kisses on his hair.

And right then, when Viktor stood up from the couch to pick him up, carry him all the way to the bedroom and make love to him for hours, he knew that was it. That was Life and Love.

But he wasn’t sure if it was all of it.

One afternoon, they were returning from the rink after a busy day of practice, walking the warm streets of St. Petersburg with summer being just around the corner.  They were holding hands, just like they always did, chatting about the routines and the moves Yuuri was having trouble with, or even gossiping about some other skater or two. That was Viktor’s favorite moment of the day. And he believed it was Yuuri’s too, judging by the relaxed smile on his lips and the occasional caresses his thumb traced on the back of his hand.

He was thinking just about that, of how lovely he looked as he talked about his skating, eyes so shiny with passion that they reflected then sunset thrice as strongly, so submerged into his favorite definition of the two Ls…when he suddenly heard him cut off mid-sentence, and he followed the path of his bugged, widened eyes that were resting somewhere that wasn’t Viktor’s own.

A basket. At the side of the road.

Only then, with the silence generated by shock, he was able to hear the faint noise of whining, and he shared with his husband a simultaneous panicked look.

Of course, they both had heard numerous stories about kids being dumped on alleys or porches, waiting for someone to pick them up and care. Of course they had heard about the cruelest crime of all, which was abandoning a child. Of course they knew this was it.  But hearing the story from the news has nothing to do with actually hear the crying, the blabbering, the sobs of a one-year-old inside a basket.

And by the time Yuuri was kneeling, picking the creature between his arms, desperately rambling about how they needed to contact the police right away…Viktor wasn’t listening.

His attention was fixed on those big, teary eyes, that small furrowed nose and sobbing lips. Little hands instinctively reaching for the heat of Yuuri’s chest as he was rocked back and forth, crying, desperate for a bit of warmth. For a bit of Life and Love.

The immediate course of action was to feed him. They didn’t know what was the last time the poor thing had eaten, and so they took her to their apartment and gave her some milk. They had to stop by a store to buy some supplies, even though they were obviously planning to contact the authorities as soon as possible. But they needed some diapers and special food for the meantime.

The basket had a little note inside, written in Russian of course, and Viktor could easily tell a huge amount of grammar and spelling mistakes, and he couldn’t help but make assumptions. Maybe her parents couldn’t take care of her, maybe they didn’t have the money…but why leave her there? In the middle of nowhere?

By the time they got her to eat and sleep, it was already nighttime. Viktor could see just how stressed his husband was. He could read him very easily, and knew his empathy and kind heart were the culprits of his silence and the tension accumulating in his shoulders. Viktor told him to relax, that they could decide what to do the next day, and that he should probably go take a shower.

Yuuri complied, carefully putting the sleeping baby into the basket again, but this time with a much comfortable cushion underneath and the heat of a cozy blanket.

Viktor was still in daze, not really sure of what he should be doing, or what he should be feeling. He was numbed by surprise, the impact of seeing such a scene. But he was forcefully taken out of his shock by the surreal sound of crying he still couldn’t believe that was coming from his own living room.

He picked the girl up, not really sure of how babies worked, but the yelp the poor thing let out as he held her by her feet was enough of a clue to understand he was doing something wrong. He grabbed her from under her armpits instead, warily, almost afraid, as if she could start breathing out fire at any second or jump at his neck with sharp teeth she didn’t even have.

How did someone stop a baby from crying?? Shaking it??

Nope, definitely not shaking it.

Maybe turning her around?

Ok he wasn’t good at this.

The baby kept crying and Viktor kept fearing he would lose all of his hair in the term of one night. Didn’t these things come with…instructions or something? Just to satisfy some sense of curiosity and ridiculous hope, he pressed a finger to her belly-button, as if it were an actual button that would stop the whining. But the only reaction he got, was an instant kick on the face.

“Oh fuck!”

Much to his surprised, however, the crying ceased. But it hadn’t been the belly-button, the baby was laughing at the way he held his nose in pain.

“What are you laughing at, you meanie!” he frowned, getting nearer, but the baby didn’t seem to take him seriously as she extended a hand to grab his nose “hey, let go! I know it’s a pretty handsome nose but you can’t have it”

She chortled merrily, grabbing his eye-lid next, and laughing even harder as Viktor blinked in pain.

Well, at least she stopped crying.

“Ouch! Keep those hands to yourself, young lady!”

He booped her nose, and realized that might have been the button he had been looking for, since she gifted him the purest, fondest smile Viktor had seen in years. He did it again, mouthing silly noises, enthralled by the happy yelps and giggles he got for an answer, feeling the joy beginning to rub on him.

He didn’t know how much time he spent playing with her, ticking her belly and pinching her cheeks. But she was laughing, she was beautifully laughing and Viktor was laughing, too. He felt cloyed, overwhelmed, so full of emotions he couldn’t fit anything else. There were no worries, no stresses, and no need to define Life and Love. Right then, he felt complete.

He hadn’t even noticed when the hum of the shower had stopped, nor how much time Yuuri had been staring at him from the bathroom’s door frame, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, smiling to himself. By that time, the little girl had fallen asleep, and she was clutching Viktor’s finger in her tiny hand, occasionally taking it to her mouth to suck on it affectionately. He was fascinated.

“Seems you get along quite well, huh?” Yuuri chuckled softly, hugging him from behind, and planting a kiss to his temple. He seemed to be feeling better.

“Yeah, Lori is perfect”


“That’s how I named her”

“Vitya, no” Yuuri sat beside him on the sofa, and Viktor got to see the previous worry back in his eyes “We can’t name her, love. She’s not ours”

“Yeah, but…” he debated if he should say the following words, but they just burst out before he could find a gentler way to phrase it “…what if she was?”

Yuuri blinked, staring at him with what he recognized as disbelief, gaze torn between his husband and the baby on his arms.


“Yuuri, darling…wouldn’t you like to be a father? We talked about this already, and you said you would like to someday…” the look in Yuuri’s eyes made him stop mid-sentence.

“Oh, Vitya” he sighed rubbing his face, giving a long sighed onto his own hands “I would love to, you know I do, but I just…this is so sudden! I still have one or two more years at skating, I don’t know if I could handle a baby and my career, I just…”

“But we can do it together, Yuuri! Together we can do anything!”

“A baby is not a joking matter, Viktor. We can’t just try. Maybe we should wait until I retire…”

“But look at her!” Viktor hugged her close, as if someone may try to take her away from him “Lori is so beautiful! And she needs us!”

“I think that Lori-” he stopped himself “the baby, needs a family who will take good care of her…You are my coach, and you are just as busy as me. And I’m afraid…”

“What are you afraid of?”

“I’m afraid to be a bad parent”

Viktor saw the beginning of tears shining in his husband’s eyes, and he immediately closed the space between them, letting him hold Lori so that he could hug him instead. He had been selfish and impulsive, he knew Yuuri was an anxious, insecure person, and he hadn’t considered his emotions. The idea of being parents was way too overwhelming for him to decide in just one night. In fact, it was way too hurried for anyone. He was being irrational and acting out of mere raw emotions. He needed to think things out.

“I’m sorry” he whispered, watching Yuuri’s gaze getting lost in Lori as well, but immediately forcing himself to look away “You are right…we shouldn’t hurry things up”

For the next week after they contacted the authorities and left the baby at their custody, Viktor wasn’t the same as before.

He knew he shouldn’t act so mourning, he hadn’t lost anything. His life was just like it was before, and he had always been a happy man. He still had Yuuri, his friends, skating…yet, he couldn’t pretend he didn’t notice the feeling of emptiness.

He returned to his habit of watching his old routines. Only that he did it every day, and he spent an alarming amount of hours at it. And when Yuuri walked in, tracing his fingertips down his neck and kissing him soothingly, Viktor didn’t stand up to take him to bed. He just stood there, silent, eyes fixed on the screen.

He noticed his husband was conflicted too, but they just seemed unable to deal with the commotion together. They didn’t talk about it. He would sometimes find Yuuri in the kitchen plainly staring at the wall, the kettle boiling and whistling loudly in the stove, asking to be turned off. But the man would just stay still, in trance, holding the cup and the tea bag in hand but not moving at all, lost in thought.

One day, Viktor had decided to go for a walk. Sometimes, staring at the sea cleared his thoughts a bit. But the salty scent of the water didn’t seem to help at the moment. He returned to the apartment with his hopes down, trying not to sulk as he opened the door, so that Yuuri didn’t feel even worst at the sight. But as soon as he got in, the false solemnity of his face broke into curiosity, as he saw a bunch of papers sprawled on top of the coffee table, and his husband sitting on the sofa with his arms crossed.

“What’s this?” Viktor asked, warily, taking a document into his hands.


His eyes widened, and he put down the paper to stare at Yuuri in disbelief.

They were adoption papers.

“Are you serious?” He asked, his voice a thread.

Yuuri stood up coyly, with tears in his eyes, and in no second Viktor was hugging him close, kissing him, and crying a little bit himself, too.

The paperwork took weeks, but after signing many documents, answering many questions, and buying many baby items online, Lori was finally at home.

They talked to Yakov, and asked him if he could be Yuuri’s coach whenever things got busy. Mari was glad to help, too, and took good care of Lori when her parents were way too busy with competitions. Yuuko offered some help as well as soon as she heard the news, being so happy for her friend to finally experience the joy of parenthood, and willingly giving him a hand whenever he needed.

Even Yurio was enamored by the baby girl, and sometimes he held her and played with her when they took her to the practices.

And Viktor? Viktor was obsessed. Viktor would pamper his daughter and rant about how he was PERSONALLY going to teach her how to skate as soon as she could stand on her feet.

“We are the luckiest people in the world” He would always say, watching his husband as he changed her diapers or lulled her to sleep between his arms.

Because, from that moment on, Viktor had a new definition for Life and Love.

Life and Love were ephemeral, volatile, and constantly building themselves, changing, morphing, absorbing more and more meanings, smells, eye colors and feelings.

Life and Love would always have different significances.

And, maybe, he may have found his third L.

Now I can’t take Lori out of my head…what did u do to me gurl. You just gave me a killing headcanon 

so netflix cancels the get down and then sense8 in immediate succession? both shows with strong representation of people of color and the lgbt community……and sense8 was canceled the first day of pride month…..interesting. fascinating. riveting. funny how that turned out huh???? 👀☕️

The Donut (Drabble Challenge)

Originally posted by sehunnified

47. “Are you trying to flirt? Because you’re embarrassing yourself.” + Sehun

You watched with wide eyes as the baker’s hands flew magically over the donuts, bestowing beautiful sprinkles onto the perfectly sculpted pink icing. You covered your mouth when you heard yourself gasp a little.

‘You… like donuts, huh?’ the baker asked, chuckling when he saw your fascination.

‘Yes,’ you nodded vehemently. ‘I love them.’

Keep reading

cesium-sheep replied to your post: plucky-pomegranate replied to your post: twycc is…

this is so fascinating to read tbh please give me all the meta

huh uuh okay lemme think

So with Dirk, his core struggle is always against himself, and the way he does not think he deserves happiness or peace. That is true of every Dirk I write.

In ASAFAF, Dirk’s struggle is rooted in how he forced Prospit’s hand and thus cannot trust himself around Jake and at one point literally runs away from him when things get intimate. This Dirk is also very much a paternal figure, the de facto patriarch of his family, and has a vengeance streak that could fell an entire kingdom. He is the most confident Dirk I’ve ever written, and the one most in need of a nap.

In Gushing Gold, Dirk’s struggle is… his canon struggles with lack of self-worth and control cranked up as far as possible, with a helping of “Yo remember that Dirk’s self-terminated more than anyone in canon lol that’s a thing.” He is at a point in his life where he feels so separated from the world, he is tacitly putting himself in a downward spiral that is going to get him killed. What makes him unique is the sheer balls to the wall grandeur of his depression and self-destruction, and the way he exercises control of himself and others is perverted to the point of toxicity.

(Gushing Gold is a sex-fueled faerie tale, but its also kind of the darkest thing I’ve written, and accidentally the most personal.)

In Chamomile, Dirk’s struggle is with duty, and his inability to let people down, even if that means he has to destroy himself in the process. Chamomile is Dirk as his most timid, and its born of a life spent in isolation and unwilling deification. He’s also pulled from another core truth of Dirk in canon– that to understand Dirk, you have to understand he lies constantly. The truth of him is under layers. With the Eternal Prince, his heart has been subsumed and covered in layers of frost and apathy. Despite that? He is the kindest Dirk.

In TWYCC, it should be clear by now that Dirk’s core struggle is with a sense of self-esteem that is entirely contingent on being useful to two specific people. His entire life revolves around helping Roxy and Jane, and the idea that Dirk himself would be worthy of love or respect is fucking greek to him. Which on surface level sounds like a microcosm of Chamomile!Dirk’s struggle, but where TWYCC!Dirk varies is that he is aware of his status in the world, he knows it’s wrong, he knows his own best friends love him but do not try to understand him, and he’s at this point where it’s casting its shadow over him. He is horrifyingly passive, but he’s also bitter about it, to the point everything feels hopeless.

So once again: A lot of core similarities, but the nuance and variation is informed by the different worlds and their affect on him.


I can’t think of a title yet, but anyway, here’s my contribution to small-yet-awesomesauce Trollhunters fandom! Very much inspired by @kurekoo underappreciated Troll!Jim art. I hope you enjoy!

It doesn’t normally take too long to get used to places, but in Jim’s position in Trollmarket, understandably, it’s a whole different story. A place like this would take a thousand lifetimes to even remotely begin to adjust to, but fortunately for him at the tender age of just sixteen, he’ll have a better chance than most.

He’d become familiar with the basics down here, the three rules practically ingrained into his subconscious now, yet human curiosity is one thing that no rule could control, especially if it involves incandescent green geodes abandoned on the floor outside the gyre station. Seeing that there was nobody around besides Blinky, who was at least twenty steps ahead (much larger steps than Jim’s, it’s worth noting), he reached down and picked the rock up, shoving it deep within his jacket pocket before catching up with Blinky, who was surprisingly oblivious to a bright green rock set against the shadowy stone floor.

“I heard it through what you humans call the grapevine that you have an important set of exams coming up soon, is that correct?” Blinky’s question forced Jim out of his fascination with the rock.

“Uh yeah, huh. Thanks for reminding me about that.” He replied caustically.

“Now now, Master Jim, these are important times as far as I’m aware! You have to keep up your appearances in school so you must take this seriously. Take a week off, study hard and the results will show! Argh! and I will take care of things down here.” Jim took Blinky’s word as gospel, and with a reassuring pat on the shoulder, he got sent off back to the surface. “You know where to find me if you need anything!”

“Likewise, I’ll see you later!” Jim shouted down to him as he ascended towards the portal. Argh! Would likely visit Toby at some point in an evening, so it isn’t as if he’d be completely devoid of the troll company he’d become acquainted to.


Unsurprisingly, the house was empty. Slinging his satchel over the bannister he took the stairs two at a time, striding into his room and crashing onto his bed with a sigh, a sigh at the realisation of exams the following week. He swore to himself that he’d study - “but only after I figure out what this lump is. Who needs Spanish anyway?” He took out the rock, still emitting its vivid green hue, bright enough to cast its own shadow. Placing it on his desk, he took a step back and just stared, and stared, for what felt to him ten minutes, but what would realistically be about two. At a loss, he sent a photo of the peculiar rock to Toby, before catching sight of him across the street.

He opens the window, and shouts onto the quiet suburban street below: “Tobes, check this out!” waving him over. Moments later they were mirror images of each other, gawking at this rock as it laid idly on the wooden desk. Toby eventually breaks the silence,

“It’s a rock, Jimbo.”

“Is that an opinion, or an expert opinion?”

“That’s my opinion. My expert opinion would be ‘it’s a glowing rock’”

Jim responded with nothing but a stern, piercing glare.

“Look, I don’t know what it is, okay? But green and glowing… I don’t like it. Would Blinky know what this is?”

“I suppose, but he’s got enough on his plate at the moment at the moment, seeing as you practically destroyed his collection of books. But it doesn’t matter, it looks neat enough, I’m keeping it.”

“That was the word juice! And you’re in on that too, you know, giving it to me and all.”

“Yeah I guess,” he says as he moves the rock from the table to the shelf on the wall behind him, oblivious to the fact that the glowing was enough to leave a jet black scorch mark on the table. “You ready for the prueba de la fatalidad?”

“No. I don’t suppose you have any more of that-”

“You’ve ruined one library, you’re not going to ruin the school’s too! Just read a damn book like a normal person would.” He chuckles to himself as Toby rolls his eyes to the back of his head as he leaves,

“You’re a butt, Jim!” Toby shouts from the street.

“Love you too, Tobes-” he heads downstairs to take a glass of water, picking up a ragged old Spanish textbook on his way back. Chucking the textbook onto the table, he returns and opens the book to where he’d left a sheet of paper as a makeshift bookmark, on the section to do with past participles.

“Oh boy, What a great way to spend a weekend! Neck craned over a book, learning a language I’ll never speak,” He utters enthusiastically through gritted teeth as he pushes himself back on his chair to stretch out, resulting in him spinning around a few times. “Okay then, past participles.” Neck craned over the textbook, he studies the wrote and the writ, occasionally stopping to make notes and take a sip of water, sometimes contacting Toby on the backhandedly named ‘puberty-patrol phone’, to which he received nothing but radio silence.

An hour or so later, as warm spring sunlight was beginning to curtail, he’d ran out of water, only this was much later than when he ran out of will to continue revising cooped up inside. Taking the glass from beside the book, he begins to head for the kitchen for a refill. Still in Spanish revision mode, he mutters to himself as he notices a peculiar, prickling sensation from within his arm.


He appeared to be walking with a stoop and a right handed lean, enough to throw him off balance slightly. The more he thought about it, the more he began to notice it. He pivots around awkwardly to leave his room with new intentions. Water could wait, this, whatever this was, seemed more urgent.

Panic abruptly set in, this was no pins-and-needles situation, it was definitely something more unusual, and something this unusual could most certainly not be human. Trollmarket would - hopefully - hold the answer to Jim’s predicament.

Grabbing his bag from the bannister, he races unsteadily down the stairs and immediately into the garage, crashing into the empty paint tins and other detritus which lined the far wall. Leaping onto his Vespa, he kickstated the motor and began to set off, only after he’d realised that he’s neglected to open the door. Letting the moped crash down with a metallic din on the floor, he reached down and opened the door with his left hand with urgency, not wanting to risk excessive use of his right. With a now clear path, he mounted the moped and restarted his journey, correcting his balance constantly as he attempted to adjust. Being a Saturday, the streets were quiet, which fortunately meant no obstacles for Jim to have to avoid. The bridge was now within touching distance, rounding the sharp corner into the drain, albeit with a much wider turning circle, he was propelled down the concrete slope to the wall, riskily riding sidesaddle to speed the dismount process. With no regard for the moped, he let it continue at speed, crashing into the wall with a tinny peel which echoes along the drain.

The speed was too hard to handle for Jim as he trips over his own feet, sending him to the same fate at the Vespa; a concrete faceplant, Dull pain sets in as he lay dazed and stinging on the floor. The speed at which he’d impacted the wall has split his forehead slightly, sending a small trickle of blood running down the side of his head, which he briskly wiped away, but what he felt came as a shock to him, enough to snap him out of his dazed state.

“What in the-” The texture of his hand felt like it had turned pebbly, almost chiseled. His bag still over his shoulders, Jim grabbed the crystalline horngozzle and picked himself up off the floor. Still slightly pained, he began to roughly trace out the semicircle to open the portal, however, his usually precisely scribed portal had, understandably, become a jagged mess of an arc, something which closely resembled the work of a five year-old with a worn out paintbrush. Not that that mattered, it would still open. Placing his hand on the space in between, the concrete shattered, revealing the dark spiral down into the caves.

Frantically dashing down the crystal stairs and onto the cobbles of Trollmarket, he clumsily searched for a familiar face among the crowds which towered over him like living monoliths. Eventually he blindly, and literally, ran into Vendel, who responded with disgust.

“Goodness! James Lake, do you not have eyes?”

“Vendel! There’s something majorly wrong happening about now, look.” He reveals his hand to Vendel, who retorted swiftly to keep everything surreptitious.

“Come with me.”
Here Comes Trouble | Archive of Our Own
Dick Grayson was never taken in by Bruce Wayne, but that doesn't mean he didn't end up roaming Gotham dressed in tights anyway.

Written for day 3 of @jaydickweek, restraints.

“Richard?” Dick hastily wiped his eyes at the call from behind him, before twisting his torso to get a look at the person. It was a woman, and she didn’t look like any of the workers at the orphanage, hair short and makeup carefully applied, dressed in a simple t-shirt featuring a band logo he didn’t recognise and jeans that looked deliberately cheap, which probably meant they were expensive. “Can I sit with you?”

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One Kiss, Two Kiss

(based on those ‘first kiss’ strangers kissing strangers videos)

~ my gift to my lovely followers ~


Dean was standing now, most of his weight held on his left leg. It caused his hip to jut out just slightly, and his right leg to extend in front of him to the side. It accentuated the natural bow to his legs, made them look long and strong. His hands were in the pockets of his jacket, with its collar turned up, edges brushing his down turned chin. His looked up without raising his head.

He was in the center of the front of a large classroom on Stanford’s campus. The area of this part of the classroom had been cleared away and lights had been set up to illuminate the space. A video camera on a tripod in between the two front rows was trained on Dean while the man behind the camera made adjustments and took light readings.

Dean waited.

Finally the man looked out from behind the camera and was joined by two other people that Dean knew very well. One was his younger brother, Sam. The other was Sam’s girlfriend, Jessica Moore. She held a clipboard in her hands, and Sam held a write and wipe board. The man behind the camera, Gabriel, was speaking to them in quiet tones. At length, Sam scribbled something on the board he was holding, then came to stand in front of Dean.

The board said, ‘Dean Winchester. Interview clip #1. SU Health and Human Sexuality “First Kiss” video. 04/04/14’.  Gabriel called out that he got the opening shot, Sam stepped away, and Gabriel yelled out, “Rolling!”


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anonymous asked:

do you have a podfic tag??? if so can you link it??

Hey there Nonny!  We do not have a tag, but since I’m obsessed with Podfic we’re going to make a master PODFIC REC POSSSSSSSSSSST!!!!!!!

Originally posted by evilbjork

For anyone not familiar, a podfic is basically a fanfic audiobook and it’s the BEST THING EVERRRRR.  Gay porn in the car, gay porn in the gym, gay porn waiting for class to start, at the park, you can listen to fanfic anywhere!

Now as a slut for explicit fics, all of these are going to be explicit. These are either favorite fics, favorite podficcers, or both.  Hope you enjoy!  -Emmy

Dilf read by Rhea314 (Rhea) 

“Today is Scott’s first day of kindergarten and Derek is terrified.”

Length: about 3.5 hours, good for FLUFF needs

This is a super popular Sterek fic, and a great read by Rhea314.  She’s got a very calm, even tempo-d voice, and conversational tone.  This is one of the few fluffy fics I like, it’s just a lovely story with delicious Stilinski Family Feels and is a kidfic done right (Scott and Jackson are de-aged and Derek’s nephews, they’re age appropriate in their speech, which I love). 

When Your Voice Breaks (Let Me Hear The Sound) read by Readbyanalise010 

“You’re going to ride me, baby boy,” Derek says, breathing against his mouth. “Going to squirm all over my dick. Feel my cock grow thick and hard inside of you. Going to soak your pretty thighs with your own come, and when you’re all fucked out I’m going to carry you up to my place and take you apart.”

Length: 20-25 minutes, good for PORN needs

Analise has a great flow when she reads, very conversational, and she commits 10,000% to the complete filth that is this fic.  :D  For the professional public smutter, not for the quick to blush.  lol

Frustrated and Fabulous read by RsCreighton

“ Stiles is a frustrated virgin and he is determined to do something about it - too bad Derek Hale keeps interfering.”

Length: 55-60 minutes, good for FLUFF AND PORN

This is a cute story featuring some of the drag queens from the Jungle episode, intermixed with some good smuts.  The read is even and smooth, with some good inflection for the various voices. 

Professional Misconduct read by Rhea314 (Rhea) 

“ Stiles gets a massage. And then some.
Alternatively: in which Stiles’ mouth gets him into trouble, again and again.”

Length:  50-55 Minutes,  good for PORN

Another good read by Rhea.  Her easy tone and nice pacing makes for a quality smutting narration.  And come on, trashy porn where masseur!Derek fingers client!Stiles????  Yes please.

My Heart Comes Tumbling Down read by anatsuno 

“ “This is a casual, adult relationship based on sex, and it is awesome.” In which Stiles and Derek have a great time buddyfucking until a burrito ruins it all.”

Length: 30-35 minutes, good for FEELS and FLUFF

Anatsuno is one of my FAV podficcers from my inception days, and I was so excited to find more she’d done in Teen Wolf.  This is a sweet Sterek story, I really like Derek’s characterization and the dynamic he has with Stiles. 

Another great podfic from Anatsuno is Fascination

Summary: “Huh, he thinks with a sudden thrill, huh, there’s no way Derek Hale is circumcised.”

Up and Coming read by readbythilia (thilia)

“Stiles and Derek work in the same building and every day ride up in the elevator together.That is pretty much the extent of their relationship—until one day the elevator breaks down, trapping the two of them inside and maybe forcing them to admit to each other that the attraction is mutual.Or, the one where Stiles and Derek have sex in an elevator.”

Length: 2 hours, good for FEELS and SMUT

I love Thilia as a podficcer, her voice is seriously like Xanax.  It’s so smooth and even paced, I honestly had a problem listening to her at night because she kept lulling me to sleep. lol  This fic is super sweet, a nice combo of feels, cuteness, and smut. 

More great reads by Thilia are:

Come With Me and Walk the Longest Mile (zombie apocalypse AU) 4 Hours

Sell Your Body To The Night (hooker!Stiles AU)  11 Hours

Roommate Wanted: No Supernatural Creatures Allowed (Steter AU) ~4 Hrs

You Don’t See Straight read by araline

“Stiles finds himself in a secret werewolf community to participate in a mating run. Sterek happens.”

Length: ~23 Hours, good for PLOT and SMUT

This fic is LOOOOOOOOOONG and kind of lags at times, but Stiles is cute and I love the OC Shane, not to mention this is a MASSIVE amount of podfic (listened to it while I drove across country, made the time fly by!). Araline’s reading is solid, she’s got great expression, especially for Stiles’ voice. 

Extra Innings read by chemm80

“ Stiles Stilinski is a minor league baseball catcher who just got promoted. Derek Hale is a star major league pitcher with a knee injury who just got sent down to the minors. Stiles is drawn to Derek, but the further invested he gets, the more questions arise. Why does team owner Chris Argent have it out for Derek? Why is Derek so emotionally constipated? And what the hell is Coach Finstock going on about? Minor league baseball has more intrigue than Stiles ever imagined.”

Length: 4-4.5 Hours, good for FEELS

Chemm80 has done TONS of podfic, and they’re always well read (good pacing and inflection) and the audio is always really clear.  I’m a complete slut for a good Baseball AU, and I really liked the dynamic between Derek and Stiles in this.  The plot gets a little crazy near the end, but hey, Kate and Gerard are good for bringing the crazy :D 

Other good ones by Chemm80:

Asking for It (Alpha Pack AU) 45-60 minutes

All You’re Giving Me Is Friction (Alpha bait!Stiles)

How To Be a Normal Person (Derek wants to be normal *so cute*) 1 Hour

Starts with F Ends with U (Rafa/Stiles and Sterek) 12 Hours

The Mating Misadventures of Alpha Wolf and Hyperactive Boy read by dodificus 

“Scott tells Stiles to stay away from Derek, who is in heat.  It doesn’t work so well”

Length: 1-1.5 Hours,  good for SMUT

Dodificus is another podficcer I’ve loved since Inception.  Her narrations are so conversational and on point, I wish she was still reading fics.  The fic itself is smutty goodness with a touch of dubcon/badwrong. A Derek in heat is a possessive Derek, I can see this not being everyone’s cup, but it’s definitely mine :D

Other great reads by Dodificus:

Hear His Alibis and Multiplied by Seven (Sheriff takes in teen Derek in Sheriff’s POV, then the same fic from Derek’s POV, sterek, *underage*) 50 Minutes and 3 Hours

Bigger, Longer, and Uncut (Derek ponders Stiles’ obsession with uncut dicks) 35 Minutes

Last Night’s Dress, Tiptoe Out of This Mess (Sheriff thinks Derek is Stiles’ boyfriend, they play along *LOVE*)  ~2 hours

Hyper Heart Alone (Grown Stiles comes home after his dad has a heart attack) ~4 Hours

It Fills My Head Up And Gets Louder (Stackson) ~2 Hours

He Gets Me High read by Janeyyy 

Stiles and Derek act like a couple. But they’re not. Seriously! Derek has a boyfriend and Stiles has a girlfriend. They’re just friends, overly-attached and possessive friends, but that’s it. Right?

Length: 1 Hour,  good for SMUT and COLLEGE AU

I can’t explain why I love this fic/podfic so much, it’s just satisfying.  Love the college AU setting, the friendship to lovers thing with Sterek, gay heartbreaker Derek.  UGH.  I love.  The reading is great too, very soft and easy going. 

Build an Ivory Tower read by neverbalance 

“ Stiles didn’t know how Derek sleeping on his floor developed into sleeping in his bed, or how cuddling ended up turning into Derek humping his ass. He didn’t agree to being knotted in the school locker room, either. But what can you do when Derek Hale wants something? He’s the Alpha, after all.”

Length: 55 Minutes, good for SMUT and IN RUT!DEREK

Neverbalance is another one of my favorite readers, she’s got the even pacing and tempo I like, with a calm conversational flow.  The fic has some dubcon and so heed the tags if that’s not your bag.

More by Neverbalance:

Making Love Our of Nothing at All (Sterek Series:  Stuff makes them do it) About 2 hours total

Fascination (Stiles realizes Derek can’t be circumcised ) 20-30 Minutes

There are so many more too!!  I may make a Part 2 post another day.
Through the Hurts Chapter 13: The Sick Card, a how to train your dragon fanfic | FanFiction
When Hiccup gets a nasty case of Eel Pox at the Edge, the Riders have to take care of him. But unfortunately, a sick Hiccup is a clingy Hiccup...

“I told you,” Hiccup huffed, struggling to sit up in bed. “I’m fine.”

Astrid placed a fake smile on her lips, rolling her eyes. “Sure you are! That’s why you’re burning up all over, and have thrown up three times already today. Come on, face it, Hiccup- you’re sick!”

“I’m not sick,” Hiccup muttered. “Just… just…”

“Ooh ooh!” Tuff cried from the other side of the room. “Just what? Ugh, don’t tell me… how many guesses do we get?”

Astrid put a hand on her hip. “Tuff, this is serious. We don’t know what Hiccup is sick with, and if there’s some type of cure we need to get… Tuffnut, are you even listening to a word I’m saying? Tuffnut!”

Tuffnut was not listening to Astrid at all. In fact, he was mimicking how Astrid was acting to Ruffnut, and the twins laughed to themselves. “I’m Astrid,” Tuffnut mocked, swaggering around. “I want everyone to do exactly what I say, and when I say it. Na na na…”

Astrid was ready to draw her axe, but Heather interceded. “Come on, guys. Hiccup’s sick. At least show a little compassion.”

Hiccup groaned, sinking into his bed covers. “Not sick…”

“Based on your symptoms so far, you are,” Fishlegs said, adding a little whimper at the end like he was afraid to break the news. “But with what, though?”

Snotlout crossed his arms. “Probably just a little cold. Leave it to Hiccup to get this sick!”

Hiccup sat up. “For the last time, guys, I’m not-” His face suddenly turned an ugly shade of green. “I need a bucket,” he gasped, clutching his stomach. “Now.”

Astrid, knowing what he meant, was on him in an instant. She grabbed the bucket she had washed out earlier from the doorway, and ran over to Hiccup, placing it under his chin. The boy convulsed, throwing up once… twice… and then three times.

“Oh, man, he really is sick!” Snotlout laughed. “Wow!”

Astrid shot him a glare, angry with him for laughing at a thing like this. “Was that not clear already?” When Snotlout silenced, she returned her attention to Hiccup. She winced at the sight of him now. He looked dangerously pale at the moment, and was shaking all over. “Hiccup? You okay?” she asked.

Hiccup looked up at her with a dazed expression. “Hot,” he managed out, right before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he passed out.

The group gasped, and Astrid yelled, “Hiccup!”, catching his head.

“Oh Thor,” Fishlegs murmured, a hand flying to his mouth. “Oh Thor, oh Thor…”

Tuffnut looked amazed. “Woah! He like totally passed out!”

“I want to do it too!” Ruffnut declared, stomping her foot down. “Why can’t we be sick, too? Hiccup gets all the fun! He’s always being kidnapped, wounded, or knocked out. He never lets any of us have a chance.” She huffed, annoyed.

“Uh, shouldn’t we do something?” Heather asked, worried. “Something is most definitely wrong with Hiccup. Why’d he pass out like that all the sudden?”

Astrid bit her lip, slowly lying Hiccup down on his bed. “Guys, be quiet. Hiccup… he’s not waking up… Hiccup! Come on…”

Everyone in the room silenced, watching their unconscious friend with wide eyes. But one minute later, the limp boy groaned, eyelids flickering until they completely opened up. But Hiccup’s normal, healthy green eyes were now doused with fever, and he looked very confused when he saw Astrid leaning over him. “What… what happened?”

“You passed out,” the girl explained, stroking his arm. “Moving around must have put too much stress on your fever. So no more of that, okay? Gods, I knew you were sick…”

Hiccup cocked his head. “Me? Sick? Nah, I’m not sick. I feel fine! I feel… amazing!” He sat up, stretching while smiling. “Now, let’s go troll-hunting before the vermin steal our left socks!” He giggled, and swung his legs over the side of the bed, standing up shakily. “Who’s ready to go? I know I am!”

Astrid rushed over, and forced him to sit down. “Hiccup! What’s going on?” she scolded. “This is no time for jokes!”

Laughing, Hiccup fell backwards on his bed. “I want to go outside!” he yelled excitedly, fists pumping in the air. “And then I can ride my dragon and we can obliterate everything in our path! KAPOW! KAPOW! KAPOW!” He demonstrated by pretending to pound the air.

Fishlegs looked nervous. “Guys… I think I know what Hiccup’s sick with.”

“Oh no,” Heather breathed. “I’ve heard of this…. But he can’t have-”

Eel pox?” Astrid interrupted, marching up to Fishlegs. “But how? There hasn’t been an outbreak of that for years! Why would Hiccup get it, and why wouldn’t we?”

Fishlegs shrugged. “I really don’t know. I’d have to do some tests, but-”

“KKAAAAAAAPOOOWWWW!” screamed Hiccup, sitting up straight in bed. The riders were startled by the loud sound, and swerved over to him. Hiccup was beaming at the attention. “KAPOW KAPOW KAPOW KAPOW!”

Ruffnut broke into a grin. “Yes! Hiccup’s at last come to join Loki’s side!”

Tuffnut wiped an imaginary tear away from his eye. “I always knew this day would come…”

“Guys, focus,” Astrid pressed, annoyed. “We need to get the cure for him, and soon.”

Tuffnut scratched the back of his head. “I don’t know, Astrid… I kind of like this new Hiccup!” He turned to the other boy, who was currently sitting up in bed, watching them with fascination. Tuffnut grinned. “How about some explosions? Huh, H?”

Hiccup nodded enthusiastically.

Astrid smacked her forehead. “Okay, okay… let me think… okay. Heather, you and Fishlegs go get the cure for Hiccup’s Eel Pox. Fishlegs, you remember the ingredients of the cure, right?”

Fishlegs whimpered. “Yes, I have an excellent memory, but-”

“Good,” Astrid cut in, already moving back over to Hiccup. “You’ll have to go to Healer’s Island and Eel Island to get all the herbs, and then bring them back here as soon as you can. Hiccup obviously needs the cure soon as possible.”

Heather nodded, rearing to go. “Of course.” She looked over at Fishlegs. “All right, are you ready to leave now?”

“Uhhh…” Fishlegs swallowed. “Yeah. Okay. For Hiccup.”

Smiling, Heather slowly made her way over to the door. “Then come on,” she said. “We don’t want Hiccup getting any worse.” She grinned supportively over at Astrid.

Astrid smiled back, and nodded.

“Well, we’ll be off now!” the black haired girl announced, hopping onto Windshear who awaited outside Hiccup’s hut. “And we’re not coming back without the cure.”

Fishlegs climbed aboard Meatlug, grimacing. “Yeah… bye guys.” He gulped.

The two riders nudged their dragons to take off, and soon they were flying away in the bright morning sky, leaving the others behind.

Astrid put her hands on her hips once they were gone, watching the giggling Hiccup who was rolling around in his bed. She sighed, wringing her hands together. “All right, guys… this shouldn’t be too hard, right? We’ve dealt with sickness before.”

Snotlout snorted, crossing his arms. “Yeah. Like we’d want to deal with Eel Pox again.” He shivered. “There’s some things I remember about that day when all of Berk got it, and none of it is good.”

“Well,” Astrid groaned. “Isn’t this going to be fun?” She looked over at Hiccup, who was lying down in bed, staring at the ceiling with wide eyes. She pursed her lips. “Hiccup, what are you doing?”

A smile twitched at the boy’s lips, and he pointed to the place he was looking at. “I see the stars above!” he grinned. “So many stars… so many!”

Astrid ran a hand down her face. Maybe this wouldn’t be as simple as she had expected.


The first person to take care of Hiccup was Astrid. She had insisted that everyone take a turn watching him for a few hours a day until he got the cure, and reluctantly all the riders had agreed.

When Astrid arrived at Hiccup’s hut with a bucket of water and a rag to keep down his fever, Hiccup was quiet and shivering. “Hey, you okay?” she asked, dropping the water bucket on the floor next to his bed. “You don’t look so good.”

Hiccup moaned, turning over in bed. “I’m cold…”

Astrid grimaced, and nodded. “I’ll get you a blanket, then.” She was about to go to the end of his bed to grab one, but Hiccup said something else before she could have the chance to.


“Yes, Hiccup?”

Hiccup shivered. “Can you… can you cuddle with me?”

Nearly bursting, Astrid’s face turned scarlet. “Cuddle? Hiccup-!” She stopped before she could go any further. It’s just his fever talking, she told herself, fists clenching. He’d never say that to me if he was feeling well. It’s not his fault, Astrid… he’s delirious…

“No, Hiccup,” she told him, wincing. “If I… um… cuddle with you, I might catch Eel Pox as well. And who would take care of you then?”

Hiccup stopped rolling around, and looked up at her with those shining green eyes, now full of hurt. He coughed, about to protest, when he noticed a lock of his brown hair hanging down in front of his face. He cocked his head, intrigued. “Hmmm… Astrid? Why do I have fuzzy hair and you have straight?”

Astrid was confused at Hiccup’s sudden change of conversation, but she shrugged, going along with it. “I don’t know… genes?”

Hiccup sat up in bed, sweating all over from both the high fever and excitement. “Genes… genes… wait. Do you… do you mean genies?”

“Genies?” Astrid frowned. “Hiccup, what-”

Hiccup grabbed a piece of his hair, and closed his eyes. “I wish… I wish…” His eyelids shot open with exhilaration. “I wish I could become a dragon!” He waited happily for a change to come while Astrid face palmed herself.

“Hiccup, you’re not-”

Hiccup began to flap his arms, smiling. “Rawwwrr! I’m a dragon,” he growled, looking over at Toothless. “I can fly!”

Astrid sighed. “Hiccup, no you can’t.”

Even more propelled than before, Hiccup swung his arms around and around until he fell out of the bed, face flat on the floor. He giggled. “I flllleeewwwwwwwwwwwwww, Astrid…. I ffflllleeeewwwwww!”

Toothless gave Astrid a questioning look, and Astrid shrugged. “Come on, dragon boy, let’s get you back into bed for you get any sicker…”

Hiccup shook his head, his nose being flattened against the floor. “No! I want to fly again!” He started to spread his arms out and then back in, like he was making snow angels- except, on the floor. “See? I’m flllyyyyyyiiiiiinnnnnggggg!” he laughed.

Astrid sighed, putting her hands on her hips.

It was going to be a long day.


The next person to take care of Hiccup was- unfortunately- Snotlout. The beefy boy couldn’t say he was happy about this arrangement, but it was either that or facing Astrid’s axe.

He quickly chose the first option.

Snotlout sighed, watching Hiccup stare up at the ceiling from his spot on the bed. Hiccup didn’t exactly look like he needed anything at the moment… maybe he could sneak out and let his cousin be for now… yeah. And so Snotlout was just about to slip out of his room and go destroy things with Hookfang, when Hiccup coughed.

“Snotlout? I’m thirsty… can you get me a water?”

Groaning, Snotlout paused in his footsteps. “Fine, fine…” He looked around the room for a water cup, and saw one sitting on Hiccup’s desk. He hastily grabbed it and walked over to the other boy. “Here, drink up. I haven’t got all day…”

Hiccup coughed once, grabbing the cup from Snotlout. He held it up to his lips, and there was the slurping, the swallowing, and the gulping before he was finished. “Thanks,” he slurred, handing the cup back to Snotlout.

Snotlout took the cup away, and placed it on Hiccup’s desk. “Uh, sure, cuz. Whatever.”

There was silence for a moment, and then Hiccup closed his eyes. Snotlout smiled, backing away. If Hiccup was asleep, then maybe he had a chance of getting out of this stupid babysitting job. But just as he edged near the door again, his cousin’s eyes opened, and he coughed.


Snotlout groaned. “What?”

“I’m thirsty… can you get me a water?”

“Hiccup, you just… you… argh!” Snotlout exclaimed, rolling his eyes. He kicked the side of the room.



“I’m thirsty. Can you get me a water?”



After Snotlout’s unlucky dilemma, it was Tuff’s turn to take care of Hiccup. And boy, was he excited. “Hiccup!” Tuffnut cried, climbing up to Hiccup’s loft in excitement. “What do you want to do first, H? Huh? Explosions? Pranks? Ooh ooh, we can we destroy Fishlegs’ hut since he’s gone?

Hiccup moaned, rolling over in bed. "Tired…”

Tuffnut froze in his tracks, face falling. “Aw, no, Hiccup! You’re-you’re fine! Come on. Let’s explode something!”

Grunting, Hiccup shook his head, eyes closed. “I think I’m going to… be going to sleep now.” He paused. “Tuff… can you- can you read me a story?”

At this, Tuffnut burst out laughing, wiping tears away from his eyes. “Haha, very funny, Hiccup…”

Hiccup opened his tear-filled eyes, confused. “But… why can’t you read me a story?”

“Wait,” Tuff said suspiciously, “you’re serious?”

Hiccup nodded.

Tuffnut cleared his throat. “Um, okay, then. Whatever makes you happy…” He walked over to Hiccup, and sat down in a chair next to his bed. “Um, so I only know one story: The Little Viking Who Cried Dragon. Is that okay? Or, you know, we could totally go back to destroying stuff if you don’t like it.”

Hiccup shook his head, defiant. “No! I want a story!” He gave Tuff puppy dog eyes. “Pweeaase…?”

Biting his lip, Tuffnut nodded. “I can’t say no to those eyes, can I? So… hmm…” He cleared his throat. “All right. Once upon a Viking time, there was a little boy named, uh… uh…”

Hiccup snuggled deeper under the covers cozily. “Named what?”

“Named… Hic… yeah, Hiccup!” Tuffnut decided, smiling. “Anyways, this little Hiccup wanted attention from the villagers of his island. One night, when he was out on watch for the incoming dragons raids, he cried falsely, ‘The dragons are here! The dragons are here!’ And the villagers got up from bed to begin fighting, but there were no dragons. Hiccup had lied.”

Hiccup started to sob. “I didn’t lie, Tuff! I didn’t lie!” he exclaimed.

Alarmed, Tuffnut stood up and tried to calm him down. “No, no, it’s another Hiccup! Not you!”

Hiccup blinked slowly. “It… it is?” he sniffed.

“Yeah, yeah, of course…” Tuffnut sat back down in his chair, leaning back. “Uh, so, the villagers learned that Hiccup had lied, and they returned to their huts. The next night, Hiccup was put on watch again as well, and the same exact thing happened: Hiccup lied. He had never learned his lesson from the night before.”

Except for a tear trickling down his cheek, Hiccup was silent.

“But, the next night Hiccup was put on watch, he did see dragons coming, and shouted to arouse the villagers. But the villagers didn’t believe him because of the last few times, and the dragons took him far, far, away.” Tuff paused, smiling. “The end!”

Hiccup shook his head sadly. “Poor Hiccup…”

“I guess.” Tuffnut shrugged. “So, are you ready to sleep now?”


Tuff crossed his arms, confused. “Then when will you sleep?”

Hiccup pouted. “I want a story!”

Tuffnut, groaning, sunk down into the chair. Explosions were certainly not going to come any time soon at this rate.


Ruffnut cracked her knuckles, looking down at Hiccup. “So. I hear you’ve been pretty difficult today… is that right?”

Hiccup blinked, shifting his position in his bed. “I don’t know.”

“Oh, so you’re playing the 'I don’t know’ card, now are you?” Ruffnut glared, putting her hands on her hips. “Well, it’s not going to work on me! I know when people are lying. And you’re lying at this very moment, Hiccup Haddock! So I, Ruffnut Thorston, will figure out the reason behind your actions!” She narrowed her eyes. “Let’s begin. Question number one: what is your defense against this accusation?”

Coughing, Hiccup shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Of course you don’t!” Ruffnut shouted angrily. “They always don’t know!”

Hiccup closed his eyes. “I really… don’t feel good…” He coughed again weakly, and Ruffnut suddenly noticed, even through her anger, how pale he was getting. Sweat ran down his forehead, trailed down his neck, and was slowly making a small collection on his shoulders. Hiccup grimaced in pain, clutching himself. “I'm… so hot…”

Ruffnut felt a pang of worry starting to grow inside of her. “Are you all right?”

Hiccup turned over in bed, clutching his pillow. “Hot,” he repeated again.

“I should go get Astrid,” murmured Ruff, backing away. “Okay, Hiccup! I’ll be back here soon, don’t worry! You’ll feel better in no time.”


“Yeah, I know…” Ruffnut turned to Toothless, who was sitting beside Hiccup’s bed in concern. The Night Fury rumbled, and Ruff sighed. “Stay here with him, Toothless,” she told him. “Don’t let him go anywhere, okay? I’ll be back soon enough.” Toothless whined in agreement, and Ruffnut ran off from Hiccup’s quarters, down the ladder to the loft, and out the door. “Astrid!” she yelled, making her way to her friend’s hut. “Astrid!” It was quite dark out, and hard to see where she was going, but she managed to make it to the other girl’s hut, gasping for air. “Hiccup’s really sick now! He needs help!”

Before Ruffnut could even knock, Astrid’s door slammed open, revealing a very concerned blonde. “What?” Astrid demanded, grabbing Ruff by the shoulders. “What’s wrong with Hiccup?”

The twin, shrugging Astrid off, began to walk back over to Hiccup’s hut, nervous. “He keeps on saying he’s hot, and now he’s sweating a bunch… it doesn’t look good.”

Astrid’s blue eyes filled with worry, and she quickened her pace. “His fever must be rising… we need to get that cure soon, before the fever gets too high, and-” She stopped herself, shaking her head. “For now, all we can do is try and make him comfortable.”

Ruff nodded, but was barely following along. “Right.”

The two arrived at Hiccup’s hut, and panicked, they raced inside. The girls heard groaning from above, making them look up at Hiccup’s loft, exchanging worried looks. “Hiccup?!” yelled Astrid, climbing up to his loft. “Hiccup, are you all right?”

When she reached the top, she saw that Hiccup was rolling around in his bed, moaning. His face covered in sweat, and Toothless was trying to comfort him, but Hiccup was too delirious to calm down. “Oh, Hiccup!” Astrid exclaimed, running over to his bed. “You’re going to be all right… it’s okay…”

“A..std…?” Hiccup mumbled, clutching onto his blankets. “Hot…”

“Yeah, Hiccup. I’m right here. And I’m not going anywhere.” Astrid stood by Hiccup’s side, bending over to check his forehead temperature. She winced. “Okay, Hiccup. We’re going to try to bring down your fever until Fishlegs and Heather get back…”

Hiccup whimpered. “Hot… so hot…”

“I know, I know,” Astrid whispered, fetching the water bucket from the floor, along with a rag. “But you’ll feel better soon, I promise…”

Ruffnut arrived up at the loft, cocking her head above the floorboards. “What’s going on?”

Astrid blew a lock of blonde hair out of her eyes, dipping the rag she was holding in her bucket of water. “I’m trying to cool Hiccup down from his fever… here, you can help. Go and get some more buckets of water- and bring the other riders if you can. We need all the help we can get.”

Ruff nodded, surprisingly obedient. “Uh, sure… I’ll be back soon, then.” And she climbed down once more.

Astrid dabbed at Hiccup’s burning forehead with her rag, lips pursed with concern. “You’ll be okay, Hiccup,” she smiled. “I know you will.”

But Hiccup did not even have the strength to reply.


The next day was extremely hectic, with many errand runs to get more water for Hiccup, or keep a lookout for the much-awaited Heather and Fishlegs.

And Astrid was more frantic than she had ever been before. Hiccup, despite all the riders’ hard work, wasn’t getting better. In fact, he was getting worse. Nightmares plagued his thoughts at night, making his fevers all the worse, he refused to eat or drink anything, and could barely move at all.

So when Astrid spotted Fishlegs and Heather coming their way the next evening, she was filled with relief. She knew that if Hiccup didn’t get the Eel Pox cure soon, he was in big trouble.

“We’re back!” Fishlegs cheered, landing with a prominent thud on Meatlug next to Hiccup’s hut. Heather and Windshear dropped beside him, looking exhausted and worried.

Astrid raced out of the ground floor of Hiccup’s hut, jogging over to the two. “Thank Thor!” she breathed. “Hiccup really needs the cure now. Come on, we have to hurry!”

Fishlegs’ eyes widened. “So, I take it he hasn’t gotten any better since we left?”

Darkening, Astrid shook her head. “More like a lot worse.”

“We have to hurry, then,” Heather interrupted, already jumping off of Windshear and walking inside Hiccup’s hut. “I have the cure in my satchel. Let’s go.”

Astrid smiled, following her friend. “Good.”

The trio rushed inside, and one by one they made their way up to Hiccup. Snotlout and the twins were busy dunking towels in the water buckets, and they looked up in relief as Heather, Astrid, and Fishlegs came in.

“Well, it’s about time!” Snotlout complained, throwing his wet towel down on the floor as he stood up. “I swear, my arms feel like they’re about to fall off!”

“Yeah!” Tuffnut agreed, dropping his towel on the ground too. “Hiccup gets so needy when he’s sick.”

Astrid shot the two boys a death glare. “Hiccup’s ill with Eel Pox, guys, and there’s still a chance of… of him not making it. So this is no time for self pity, useless complaints, or blaming Hiccup for something he’s not even control of!” She turned to Heather, eyes wild with worry. “Okay, now where’s the cure?”

Heather grabbed her brown satchel from her side, and dug through it until she fished out a large bottle filled with a dark green liquid. She handed it over to Astrid quickly. “Here it is.”

Astrid barely even paused to thank her before she uncorked the bottle, walking over to where Hiccup laid. “Hey, dragon boy?” she began, bringing the medicine closer to him. “You’re going to have to drink this, okay?”

Hiccup mumbled something incoherent, his eyes still shut.

Biting her lip, Astrid pressed the bottle’s top up to Hiccup’s mouth. “All right, drink up.”

Hiccup’s mouth slightly parted open, and he forced himself to swallow the green liquid. When almost all of it was gone, he pulled away, gagging. “Tastes… awful…,” he moaned.

Fishlegs nodded from the corner of the room. “As to be expected.”

“How do you feel?” Astrid asked after a moment. “Any better? Worse?”

Hiccup peeked open his green eyes, sparing a glance at her. “I feel… a little better, I think…” He smiled. “Good, the room isn’t dancing any more. Good, good, good, good, good…” He trailed off, eyelids closing. “Still hot, though…”

Astrid smirked, relieved. “Yeah, well you’ll feel better in the morning, Hiccup.”

Hiccup slowly nodded. "I know,” he whispered. “And… and thank you, guys, for all your help. I don’t r-remember a lot of what h-happened while I was delirious, but you all helped m-me through it, so thank you.”

“Well, don’t expect it to happen again!” Snotlout warned. “That was a one time thing. The Snot Master doesn’t care for anyone.”

He received a punch from Astrid.

Smiling, Hiccup’s face relaxed. “See you… all… in the… morning… I guess.”

Astrid placed a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll see you in the morning too, Hiccup. Now hush and try to go to sleep. You’ll need all the strength you can get to recover.” She allowed a small grin to appear on her face. “Just don’t ever get sick like that again, okay? You really had me worried.”


Then Hiccup’s eyes shot open.

“Wait,” he said slowly. “If Eel Pox is contagious, and you guys have been hanging around me the whole time, then… then… you all are at risk of catching it!”

“Huh. Now that you mention it, I do feel kind of hot,” Snotlout admitted, fanning himself. “Gods, my stomach hurts a little bit too…”

“Oh, no,” Fishlegs groaned. “Not again…”

Astrid nodded, heaving a sigh. “Yes, Fishlegs. So… you guys will be off to bring back more of the cure for all of us?”

Heather smacked her forehead. “Oh gods.”

“Well, I’ll see you two in a few days, I suppose,” Astrid chirped, putting her arms around Fishlegs and Heather’s shoulders, directing them to the bottom floor. “You better hurry, or else it’s going to be a madhouse here when you get back.”

“But we just… Hiccup’s cured, and…” Fishlegs whimpered. “Ugh, why does it have to be us?”

Astrid shrugged. “Because it is. Now… goodbye!” She laughed, pointing to the door. “Hurry up and get that cure!”

And groaning, Heather and Fishlegs had no choice but to oblige.

Astrid smiled, flexing her fingers. Good. She had avoided another Eel Pox disaster.

She paused.



Haha, well I hope you enjoyed this long one-shot where Hiccup gets Eel Pox! :D Poor Hiccup, though. (Not XD) If everyone else gets Eel Pox while Fishlegs and Heather are still gone, he’ll have to take care of them :D

Well, hope you liked it!


  • Stiles: Hey, look, this Cosmo has an article on how to spice up your sex life. Number six is interesting.
  • Lydia:
  • Stiles: 'Hold hands while walking down the hallway at school.' Huh. Fascinating.
  • Lydia: Can we try number seven instead? It's 'shut up and let your girlfriend write her English essay.' Very kinky.
  • Stiles: ...
  • Stiles: No I like six.