this is endlessly hilarious

anonymous asked:

RFA + V & Saeran's reaction to like an MC with a compulsive shopping problem like "MC when will we ever need fifteen scrub daddies?" Kinda thing. Because lemme tell you late night infomercials will get to you eventually.

this sure is a blast to the past.

Yoosung

  • Questions you? This boy enables you.
  • By month two of living together you own a menagerie of snuggies, an armada of specialized shower slippers, and a single Obama chia pet that lives on the kitchen counter.
  • He wanders in at the middle of the night to you sprawled out on the couch, watching the infomercials flicker in a daze, and he sits down in a stupor near you to sip his coffee and watch what’s occurring on the screen.
  • “Flex-tape,” he says to himself softly. “We could fix anything with that.”
  • “Yeah,” you say.
  • “Like the bumper of our car. And that leaky bucket. And the chair that keeps falling apart!”
  • “Yeah,” you say again, pulling out your phone.
  • Seven thinks this is hilarious. Zen tries to stage an intervention. Jumin is endlessly entertained by this silly commoner practice, and ends up taking one of your Forever Comfy Cushions for his own purposes.

Zen

  • “What are you buying,” Zen says, accusation permeating every inch of his flat voice. Nothing! you insist, but he doesn’t believe you.
  • He never believes you.
  • Zen loves you and thinks the sun itself shines in your eyes, but he also knows that you have a problem and knows that you do not need another specialty home improvement product.
  • “But these are cool!” You insist. “And useful! They’re feet for your chair and they keep your floors from getting scratches and YOU CAN’T TELL ME OUR CHAIRS DON’T NEED SHOES, ZEN. THEY’RE NAKED.”
  • “OUR CHAIRS ARE NAKED, ZEN.”
  • zen doesn’t understand. he’s lived a life of complete asceticism, often not even having the bare necessities of life. and here you are, filling his home with useless junk.
  • like really.
  • why do you need magnifying lens glasses.
  • you don’t.
  • y o u d o n ‘ t.

Jaehee

  • god save this poor woman it’s like dating jumin if jumin had some weird discount shopping fetish.
  • The word “sale” just gets you going like no other, and more than once have you shaken Jaehee awake saying that oh my god there’s this cooking product on tv and it looks so useful i could use it to make you perfect roasted apples AND over easy eggs and if we order now WE GET TWO
  • CAN I, JAEHEE
  • “go to sleep, MC,” jaehee says like a prayer, but she knows that god isn’t listening.
  • you’re going to order it.
  • you’re going to inflict this upon her.
  • …she is kind of grateful though when she realizes how damn handy your stupid Chop Wizard is for slicing onions. No more teary eyes. It’s like a miracle.

Jumin

  • whenever you open your mouth, Jumin hears a great idea while everyone else hears utter insanity..
  • Of course you need five pairs of ant-resistant socks, MC! That sounds like a great idea. Get five for me, too.
  • Of course you need Hydro Mouse Liquid Lawn to promote healthy lawn growth, MC! It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a lawn, it sounds useful for the future.
  • Of course you need a Super Duper Ultra Hi-def HDMI cable, MC! That way we can watch cat videos on the TV in crystal clear quality. 
  • Of course we -
  • MC IS THAT A LUXURY CAT CONDO ON TV?
  • BUY IT IMMEDIATELY.
  • jaehee has to get a storehouse for the Weird Bullshit you acquire and she also wants to die.

Seven

  • He turns infomercial shopping with you into a party game, where you pick random things to buy, and when they arrive, the pair of you try to find the most improbable uses for them ever.
  • Your house turns into this weird, Post-Apocalyptic style wreck where everything is crafted from jury-rigged infomercial products, and Seven is just Loving Life.
  • You have cabinets made out of multicolored duck tape and egg beaters, which you used your 5 Second Welding Wand to create. 
  • Your walls are made out of magic mesh, which you panted with your Specialty Paint Spray Applicator
  • Seven turns the set of miracle knives you bought into a makeshift home security system.
  • The 124-pack of magic, color changing markers was the best purchase of your collective lives, and you color in your ramshackle home, content with no one wanting to visit you ever.

V

  • V cannot say no to you, which is unfortunate, because someone really needs to say no to you.
  • Egg powder! Super choppers! Hey V, do we need a callous remover? S-sure, he stutters, and you buy that too.
  • You own five different kinds of furniture powder, eighty-one types of cleaning supplies, a drawer full of compression socks, and a case of Furniture Fixes to Lift Your Sagging Cushions™
  • Your house is somehow both pristine and also filled with junk. RIP V’s artsy minimalist lifestyle.
  • …Some of the products actually end up being pretty helpful for helping him deal with his blindness, though, so he’s thankful for that, at least.

Saeran

  • HE IS JUST AS BAD AS YOU, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO TOYS
  • like seriously, you come home and you’ve got another box of weird gimmicky art supplies like air-blowing magic markers and color-shifting crayons. 
  • You have a jolly old time using them to decorate the new apple-slicer Saeran bought.
  • He gets a “make-your-own-crayon” kit and, well, that’s your Tuesday!
  • He tries to buy you presents, too, like new pots, pans, and a third pressure cooker, and you’re always so happy!
  • Finally, someone who gets it!
  • Finally, someone who understands!
  • You have a tool for every situation! Who cares if your house is going to burst?
  • …Eventually, Vanderwood convinces you to give some of the excess to charity, because this is ridiculous.

Vanderwood

  • “Can I - “
  • “No.”
  • "But it would be so - “
  • NO.”
  • “It’s so cheap though –”
  • N O,” Vanderwood declares like a Roman judge, then turns off the television. They are not allowing this. They are not playing this game. They are not –
  • Wait.
  • Was that a shower scrubber?
  • Shit, let’s get ten.
Babies ?

Just a typical Nessian domectic scene. Tell me what do you think, guys.

———————————————————————–

Cassian knows that pregnancy makes females’ hormones kicks in and that mood swings are inevitable but he isn’t ready to let go, even if his mate is glaring dangerously at him right now.

 “Stop pacing,” Nesta said “I’m fine.”

“You are carrying a baby and you fainted, while I don’t doubt your strength, love, I just went to make sure you are right.”

“I hardly fainted, I felt dizzy and I tumbled.” Nesta repeated for the third time since Cassian came back from the Illyrian camp. She was sitting in the living room with her sisters when Elain “accidently” told them the story. Cassian had immediately scooped her into his arms and carried her in her old bedroom, shouting over his shoulders to send for a healer. He gently put on her bed before scolding her for not telling him sooner. Amren joined them shortly after.

“The way I see it is that you tired yourself out today gardening with Elain. I would feel better if you see a healer.” Cassian said, crossing his arms and leaning back against the fireplace, as if that settled the matter.

Nesta was reasonably sure you couldn’t damage a foetus the size of a melon by lifting flowers pots. Yet, when she looked at Cassian, she could feel down the bond the fear he is trying to cancel from her. Since she became pregnant, Cassian has read just about every book ever written on pregnancy. Nesta didn’t even know the man could read anything other than military books, and there was something endlessly hilarious about seeing the Commander of the Night Court’s armies nose-deep in pregnancy books or scoping out children clothes with deadly intent. While she enjoys plenty the extra caring, the pampering started to get irritating.

Still, she couldn’t blame him; she knew Cassian’s worry was justified. Not that she disagrees. Not … really. Nesta could handle not lifting flower pots for a while. It was the “not doing anything at all” part that was driving her crazy. As Emissary to the human world, she missed traveling through Courts to deal with issues between humans and Fae, no matter how tedious this might be. So when Elain asked her if she wants to help her in her shop, she jumped at the occasion to get out of the house.

 “I am pregnant, not an invalid, you stubborn Illyrian.”

“Sweetheart …” Cassian started, deciding that the sweet approach would calm her down. Smart man, thought Nesta, but it’s not working.

“Don’t. Sweetheart. Me.” She snapped. “This is your fault, you know, that I’m in this situation.”

“Well,” Cassian muttered “I certainly didn’t hear you complain.”

Amren sighed and Nesta swung an accusing glare at her. “And you thought we were ready for kids?”

“No, I just thought one more wouldn’t make much difference” Amren said to her with a slight chuckle in her voice. Cassian eyes drifted to Amren “Why are you here anyway?”

Amren arched an eyebrow and merely said “Your mate asked me to be the godmother of your kid”. As if her new status would be an explanation enough for her presence.

“You did? Why I didn’t know about that?” Cassian looked at Nesta, his face almost hurt.

“Why? Scared I would turn your kid against you?” said Amren with a wicked smile. Cassian actually looked concerned and Nesta bit back a laugh at the sight.

“The healer is here” came Feyre’s voice from the doorway, and an old woman wrapped in a blue cloak entered the room. The healer took a tape from her bag, did a few measurements and asked Nesta some questions about her diet. How she could focus with Cassian hovering over her, twitching each time she made a move, Nesta couldn’t understand. The healer finally leaned back and said “Everything looks fine. This is time, though, when you really need to be careful. You are healthy, and they’re doing fine but-“

They.” Nesta cut her off sharply.

“Yes” continued the healer, unruffled by Nesta’s tone, “I detected more than a heartbeat, I thought you knew.”

“Wait, so I’m having … twins. We’re having-” Nesta looked for Cassian, and he was instantly moving to sit by her side. He only nodded, grinning stupidly, and then pulled her into a hug. When Nesta didn’t return the embrace, he looked down at her, eyes dimming.

“That’s okay, right? I mean, I know it will be more difficult, but I promise you I-“

He was interrupted by Nesta’s breathless laugh, “It’s more than okay, you idiot, just … I think I need a moment.” She shook her head, eyes watering and hands on her stomach “I-I thought Fae’s children are rare.”

“Sweetheart, you wound me, after all, I’m the one who did that to you” Cassian smirked. Amren snorted a laugh and the healer tried to hide her smile.

“You are insufferable.”

Cassian simply bent and kissed Nesta slowly and passionately, as tears streamed down their faces and mixed on their lips, Nesta’s exasperation temporarily forgotten.

——

When they headed downstairs, the rest of the Inner Circle was gathered in the kitchen when Mor was regaling them with a story. She stopped when she saw the couple’s beaming faces. “Are you okay?” she asked Nesta. “I was in the Hewn City with Rhys when Az told us. We came as soon as we can.”

It was Cassian who answered “Everything is fine, but we need to get this women food” His grin broke through “Seems she’s eating for three”. Congratulations ensued, infused with shock from all but one. Cassian turned to Rhys. “You knew, didn’t you?”

“No, but I can help to think this is a payback for you pissing everyone off.” said Rhys barely holding his laugh. “I can’t wait to see you dealing with two little mini-Nesta running around and driving you crazy.” More laugh joined Rhys’s as Cassian scowled at his brother.

—-

Rhys was so so right.

anonymous asked:

What's endlessly hilarious to me about anons losing their shit about bee talk is that if they're so confident about everything, why would they care if he got a bee or not? In their world Larry isn't real, it often never was, so a bee would mean nothing. Every time Larries have a bit of fun, they lose it. They should mind their beeswax.

“They should mind their beeswax.”

You know what I find so interesting on this second read through? How Andrew has this established pecking order and the others just…. Automatically know it??

Like I’m only on chapter 4 of t*k and Neil is pointing out how strange it is that he has become A Part Of Them. How he tries to NOT let them drag him into their little make shift family.

And it’s always the same order: Andrew, Kevin, Neil, Nicky and Aaron. Like why does Neil get such a high rank? Is it because he has a deal with Andrew? But if it’s based on deals would Aaron be at least second place?

Like it’s just so interesting that once Neil is accepts Andrew’s offer they all just rework the order. Like when they moved the furniture at the court so they stayed together. When Neil tried to sit alone, Aaron was like?? Ha no. You sit next to Andrew. Or how they leave a space empty for him on the bus in their exact order.

And I’m just thinking about how it SHIFTS in the next book because of blatant favoritism. Or more like increase in loyalty. The point being Kevin gets bumped to third place and I find it endlessly hilarious and also think it’s sweet that Andrew is so gone on this kid.

9

>>> Green Thumb - a bagginshield fic for @sinisterfeline <<<

Bilbo Baggins is chronically incapable of keeping plants alive, which, considering it’s the one thing that reminds him of home in this new city, is a bit unfortunate. Luckily for him, quaint little flower shops still exist, and so does his passion for facing obstacles head on - even when the obstacle in question is the fact that he only possesses the entirety of four windowsills to try and start his new garden on, a fact that some people find endlessly hilarious.

COMMISSION ME TOO <3

TEAM 7 HUGS ARE SO IMPORTANT TO ME RIGHT NOW OK

Kakashi shows up and jokes about his cute little team congratulating him  on his Hokagedom with a hug but DOESN’T EXPECT THEM ALL TO ACTUALLY HUG HIM. Sasuke is giving him a stealth!hug from behind. If Kakashi turns around he’ll jutsu outta there. Sakura got in there first tho’ she was super fast like ‘aww yeah excuse to hug da sensei’. Naruto’s trying to steal his hat. :)

3. Who hogs the covers?

Click here to read the previous part.
Click here to go to the masterpost.


Isak hogs the covers.

He claims it’s because he’s spent all his life sleeping alone, but Even doesn’t understand that argument because, up until Isak, he usually slept alone too.

Even from the first day they shared a bed, Isak hogged the blankets, and continues to do it to this very day. It didn’t matter if it was in the Kollektivet, Even’s parents’ house, or their own apartment. It always ends up happening.

And Even has had enough of it.

He does find it cute on some level, because he wakes up to Isak burrowed tight into a cocoon of blankets, but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t freeze his ass of. Every. Single. Night.

Even has brought it up on multiple occasions, from making casual teasing jokes to “Seriously. I have to have some warmth. You don’t want me dying of hypothermia in my sleep”. But every time, no matter what the occasion, Isak brushes it off like a joke, or just as teasingly denies he does it.

Even has tried everything. He’s let Isak take all the covers and then pulled out a new blanket just for himself. Miraculously, in the morning, it’s added to the pile of blue and brown bedding that’s burrito-ed around the younger boy in the morning.

He’s tried lying half on top of the covers so that Isak doesn’t even have enough to grasp onto when he rolls over, but somehow, he almost consciously keeps tugging the blankets until they break free and envelop him in a pocket of warmth.

He’s bought them a new blanket, one that’s bigger then their whole bed. He figures that even if it makes its way over to Isak’s duvet castle, some of it will hang off enough that he can climb underneath it. But that didn’t work either. The blanket still manages to get itself wrapped around Isak twice over.

He’s even considered pulling a Malcolm in the Middle and sewing his t - shirt to the duvet.

Even can’t live like this any longer.

So, naturally, being the King of Extra, Even plans a stakeout.

He goes through the normal bedtime routine. They strip to their underwear, Even leaving his white cotton t-shirt on, they brush their teeth together, and climb under the covers. Isak lies on his stomach with his head facing Even. Even lies on his side, and soon enough, Isak drifts off into a peaceful sleep. Even, on the other hand, has only closed his eyes for a few minutes. When he is sure Isak is asleep, he reaches over onto their dresser and grabs the little pad of paper and pen, sketching to keep his mind occupied for a while.

He’s filled up a few small square pages with random doodles when inevitably, Isak rolls over, yanking the blue and brown striped bedspread with him. Even glances at the clock: 1:21. He scribbles the time stamp in the margins of his doodle paper for safe keeping. Then, not being too worried about waking Isak up (because let’s be honest, that kid sleeps like a rock), Even returns the paper to it’s place on the nightstand, flopping back down somewhat violently onto their mattress. He grabs the extra blanket he hid under the bed in preparation and snuggles into it, knowing fully that it will end up on Isak’s side of the bed in the morning, but not really giving a fuck either way. It only takes about 5 minutes for him to fall asleep.

The next morning, things go normally. Isak wakes up while Even is padding around in the kitchen making eggs. They greet each other with a “halla” and a quick peck to the lips. Isak knows there’s something different with Even today. They’ve been together long enough now that Isak notices the slight bags under his eyes, and he can recognize all the little idiosyncrasies Even has when something’s wrong. And while it doesn’t necessarily seem like there is anything wrong, Isak knows he’s up to something.

The next night Even does the same things, just to be sure the times are consistent. That night, Isak rolls over at 1:36.

The third night, things go more or less the same. Isak falls asleep and Even kinda pretends to be. But tonight, Even has his phone in hand instead of pen and paper. He swipes the brightness all the way down, keeping an eye on the time as he scrolls through Pinterest looking for more DIY projects for the apartment.

It’s around 1:15 that he sits up a little, closing Pinterest and opening a new app in place: Snapchat.

He only downloaded it about a month ago. Or rather, Magnus took his phone and downloaded it one Friday when he was too tipsy to really think much of it. Because Magnus was the one who set it up for him, the only people he had as friends were the Boy Squad, Girl Squad, Balloon Squad, and Kollektivet and friends (plus his mom, because she’s woke af). He didn’t use it that much. If he was bored he’d check to see what everyone was up to.

Anyway, the point is that he only used it occasionally to talk to people one on one, and he never posted anything on his story. So, it’s 1:15 and he has Snapchat open and night mode on, ready to catch the blanket hog in action. He sits there until 1:29 when Isak does roll over, and holds his thumb over the bubble at the bottom of the screen and waits for the red circle to close as Isak tosses and wraps all the covers and the whole duvet around himself. Even lets the video time out to ten seconds, puts a filter on it to make it a little brighter, and saves it to his memories.

The next morning as Isak rolls out of bed and is getting ready for school, he hears Even address him from the next room over.

“You know, you stole all the covers again last night.” Isak snaps his head over to he direction of the kitchen from where he is at the table.

“Nei, I did not.” He replies, his voice laced with childishness. Even returns from the kitchen with his tea mug in hand and sits down across from him.

“Ja, you did. You do every night. I freeze to death every morning, and you don’t even care. You need to do something about it”, Even says kind of smugly, raising his eyebrows as he sips his tea.

Whatever”, Isak says in English while narrowing his eyes. “You’re just sensitive”, he adds mockingly.

“You are aware that you have all the sheets wrapped around you when you wake up, right?” Even already knows he’s won this argument.

“I- but- that’s just- whatever”, Isak sputters lamely.

Even nods in a way that seems like he just confirmed plans with a friend. Now Isak knows he’s up to something.

Later that day, Isak, Even, and the rest of the Boy Squad are sitting around the courtyard chatting and eating lunch.

Jonas is retelling some anecdote about something embarrassing that happened to Magnus at a party on Saturday, Madhi occasionally interjecting a noise or a line to add the dramatic retelling. Magnus, meanwhile, sits by with a slowly reddening face as he sprinkles weak little “I did not”s and “That’s not how it happened”s through the story.

Eventually the whole conversation spirals into The Best and Worst of Magnus anecdotes, which then get weaved into The Best and Worst of Isak anecdotes, because Isak is the boy’s second choice of who to make fun of, Magnus claiming first of course. Jonas is currently reliving a story in which a girl in their elementary school class had a crush on Isak. Apparently, one day she tried to kiss him in the schoolyard, and he didn’t know how to deal with it, so he just kicked her in the shin and walked away. All the boys thought this was extremely comical, Magnus in particular, who unnecessarily points out, “It’s funny ‘cause now he’s with a boy now!” Even finds this whole story pretty hilarious and will definitely tease him endlessly about it later, but he has more pressing matters to attend to right now.

“Have I told you guys about Isak hogging all the blankets during the night?” Isak is immediately rolling his eyes, shaking his head, and saying, “Not this again, Even. You’re so dramatic.” All the boys turn to Even, Magnus’ mouth hanging open slightly, all of them silently asking are you gonna do anything about this?

Even just gives a little shrug and drops it. Its okay, because he has a plan for later.

Later that evening, Isak is lying on their bed scrolling through his phone while Even sits at the table, sketching. Isak liked Vilde’s latest post on Instagram, had scrolled through Facebook already, and was now checking Snapchat. Jonas posted a video of himself trying to film while skating, and ended up almost face planting. Eva posted a cute selfie of her and Penetrator Chris, Vilde posted a video of Chris talking about something weird and probably out of context, and Even posted- wait. Was he seeing this right? Even Even? Like, the Even he was dating that refused to post anything ever on his story Even? He clicks on Even’s name.

Over the top of his sketchbook Even sees Isak jolt upright right before screeching an ear piercing, “EVEN! HVA FAEN!? HOW COULD YOU!?” Isak doesn’t wait for an answer before he’s springing up and crossing the room to Even, who is currently tipped back in his chair resting on its back legs and laughing his ass off.

“GIVE ME YOUR PHONE”, Isak demands, and Even hands it over with a few more dissipating giggles. Isak opens the Snapchat app, pressing the three little dots on the right of the screen next to the My Story banner.  He scrolls down and presses on the video captioned “I told you, gutta”.Upon reading who all has viewed the video (Jonas, Yousef, Madhi, Mamma <3, Mikael, Adam, Noora, Magnus, Elias, Eva, Sana, Mutta, Eskild, Linn, Vilde, and Chris. So basically, everyone that mattered), Isak lets loose another sting of profanities while slamming his fists into Even’s chest and whining at the loudest possible decibel. Even is back to shaking with booming laughter while weakly trying to calm Isak down.

Needless to say, Isak will definitely get him back for this.

Okay, Mick Rory and Harley Quinn BroTP headcanons:

  • he hardly ever calls her Harley, it’s ‘Pigtails’ and Harley fucking loves it
  • as in, “Hey Pigtails, Snart and I are knocking over a bank, you and Rash wanna come?”
  • Rash is Ivy’s nickname, due to the fact that she gave Snart one the first time they all met, and he finds it endlessly hilarious even though Snart has told him Not to Talk about it
  • has offered to roast Joker alive and provide marshmallows for s’mores while he does it
  • you know those chocolate bars that have chili powder inside? Mick and Harley held up one of they delivery trucks and all of those chocolate bars are THEIRS now
  • is one of the few people Harley can really trust and open up to, and her psychiatrist background helps him work through issues
  • the Legends crew is in Gotham and Harley and Sara are ready to fucking throw down when Mick steps in between and tells them both to knock it off
  • “they’re cool, Pigtails.” “that one’s looking at me like ‘m crazy.” “you are, but cool it, Haircut.”
  • when Snart came back and showed up in Gotham again after his supposed death, Harley hit him really hard with a mallet
  • “ow, Harls!” “how DARE you leave your common-law husband like that and leave him all worried! I TOLD you guys that I do couples’ counseling!”

The Critical Role Conspiracy Theory that all of the show is scripted is just so endlessly hilarious to me

I mean

Critical Role

where Percy has once said “Life needs things to live” seriously, not in a cheesy speech, but just talking about plants.

That show? Scripted?

I don’t even think they have a rough outline of what they’re doing? Remember the fucking crystal skull debacle, where Grog had to have it drilled into his head NOT TO USE THE FUCKING EVIL SKULL?? Or a more recent episode where they spent all this time harassing a creepy merchant in Dis while their guest player waited impatiently in the wings? Literally every time they change cities Matt pulls out a new binder or book and looks harried. Even PLANNED episodes, like, oh, we’re fighting a kraken this week, better get our shit together, Marisha turns the party to eels and Matt frantically tries to figure out HOW EELS WOULD WORK IN D&D, much to his frustration. 

Scripted.

I dont think I’ve ever been put in such a weird situation with a ship before.

Like 95% of the interest I have in this ship was generated by their Abridged versions. Resulting in me shipping THOSE VERSIONS of these characters. (Because its hilarious. And endlessly entertaining. And at times sweet like how is that possible literally what the fuck I have no idea what to think about this.)

Its very bizarre. 

Either way its almost 6 am. Ive been up a long time. Im very tired. I started drawing yugioh characters with pony tails and didnt want to stop. I started drawing this and liked it and I wasn’t having a lot of trouble and I liked how things were turning out. Ill just leave it here so i can regret it tomorrow. 

calling for ‘trans male eldritch horrors’ implies there are cis eldritch horrors out there by whatever lovecraftian rules they follow which is endlessly fucking hilarious 

1240) i probably shouldnt, but i find it endlessly hilarious when ppl tell me to just ask how ppl feel about topics. like, “oh hi mum, how was your day? good, good. so how about that transgender thing huh? got any uh neat opinions or anything?”

Autistic Galra Keith (Part 3)

It’s finally here! The fluff (and assorted headcanons)! You don’t have to read the previous parts first, but here’s the links if you want them.

[Original autistic Keith and Pidge meta]

Autistic Galra Keith Series
[Part 1: Childhood, the Garrison, and Mentor!Shiro]
[Part 2: The Reveal and Fallout]
[Bonus: Purring is the best stim]
[Part 3: Here!]

Obligatory reminder: Keith is both autistic AND alien (Galra and Altean) in this series. Pidge is also autistic.

Minor spoilers if you squint.

Keep reading

joyceanfartboner a réagi à votre billet : @joyceanfartboner the dude in that post used to…

Where did you get this from what was posted I mean it is that it obviously is that is he speakin in code tho

“ As of right now, everyone’s dogetipbot balance is set to 0 – the slate has literally been wiped clean. “ - translation: all of the money you entrusted to me, via making deposits into your ‘account’ with the bot, is now gone.

“ There are no Dogecoins left in the dogetipbot hot wallet. “ - there is literally no money in the bot’s cryptocurrency wallet, in addition to the money being removed from the database that tracked how much each individual user had, the money is Literally No Longer There

the way the bot worked, as far as i understand is, you sent this dude some money, he recorded that money in the bot’s database, and then you could use reddit comments to gift bits of that money to other posters, at which point it would be transferred to their accounts. think of it like a bank, but run by bitcoiners so probably illegal and definitely with no oversight or accountability.

he then goes on to tell a bankruptcy sob story (he doesn’t explain why this bot was so expensive to run or needed such a large staff that the expenses he lists make sense, from comments other people left i gather that what happened was he was trying to get VC money to take the bot to a larger, non-reddit audience. why anyone thought this was a good idea i’ll never understand but it’s clear that the capitalists weren’t buying the line he was selling, so he found himself overextended and short on cash, not at all unusual for startups that can’t secure funding.

“ I made the decision to cash out the cold storage funds to keep the bot and the business afloat during this time. “ - translation: i took the money that you users entrusted to me, and spent it.

“ The goal was to raise another round to re-purchase the sold coins – thus ensuring that dogetipbot wouldn’t operate as a fractional reserve. That day never came – we weren’t able to secure additional funding. “ - his plan, such as it was, was to borrow the money he was holding (since the bot he ran was acting as a kind of bank i guess? people had accounts that they could deposit into and withdraw from) and use that money to raise VC funds. the fractional reserve thing is how banks operate: they only keep a fraction of the money that they are nominally holding on hand, because the rest has been invested. this works just fine as long as people trust the bank to be responsible and only take out small amounts at a time, but if everyone tries to get all their money at once (a run on the bank), the bank can’t actually pay them all since most of the money is tied up in interest-generating investments.

that makes sense for a bank, but, in this case:

1. the “investment” was in securing VC funds for the future of his business, which he’d already failed to do

2. there wasn’t the understanding that the bot would be run as a fractional reserve, and he apparently lied to users about why they couldn’t get their money out of their accounts

he literally just took all of these peoples money, promised them nothing, and then acted like it wasn’t his own damn fault that he was now bankrupt and a thief.

sorry for rambling on but this is endlessly hilarious to me

This is a very, VERY late post of this but my best friend made this amazing piece for my birthday. And I love it SO much. I love her art and her endlessly. Follow her on her tumblr: 500-goblins for hilarious posts and follow her IG: undeaddread for her amazing art!

Seriously. Do it. I love her and everyone should. All done. The end.

Cute Lil' Things I Love About Each Sign
  • Aries: when you get frustrated with everything and you're just like FUCK THIS - same bby same
  • Taurus: how you're so quiet sometimes and then you talk and you're like hilarious
  • Gemini: when you realize you've been endlessly rambling and do a cute smile
  • Cancer: how caring you are when it comes to friends & family
  • Leo: your confidence when you've wearing a cute outfit and you know you cute
  • Virgo: how you have that particular way you like to do things, it's adorable
  • Libra: laughing randomly at things in your head- I feel u qt.
  • Scorpio: how you get jealous when anyone talk to your crush and sit there pouting- aw bby.
  • Sagittarius: how you're kinda weirdly enthusiastic about almost everything- makes me happy.
  • Capricorn: you get addicted to shit like candy crush, tv shows and stuff - wow that is dedication
  • Aquarius: how you just say random things and laugh to yourself- ADORABLE.
  • Pisces: you have this pout that you do when people tease you- lemme hug you my lil bby