this is either hilarious

“I need you there… but as a warlock representative, not as my boyfriend”

Alec… sweetie… not that I disagree with the sentiment that you can’t show favoritism in the downworld, especially given how wary they already are of shadowhunters, BUT you kinda sorta made out with ur warlock bf in front of everyone in the clave after he crashed your wedding, confessed ur love for him in public, held a massive party at his house where you made it v clear you were his loverboy, and you two haven’t exactly been secretive in between those events. At this point u might as well go all the way because everyone knows. I mean, I really do appreciate the idea of what alec’s trying to do and it’s good that the two of them are trying to be impartial and fair, but it’s hilarious if either of them think they’re fooling anyone. Calling each other by last names does jack squat. Everyone and their moms know alec and magnus are dating and in love like

Gena rereads RepComm
Hard Contact: Chapter 4 - Etain

I generally feel bad about how I never have a comment about Etain’s sections. Nice to know that Qiiluran is also a language.

Gena rereads RepComm
Hard Contact: Chapter 4 - Darman

I also generally don’t have a comment about Darman’s section either. Though, it’s hilarious that it’s really badass for a second that he doesn’t have to think about taking the clear headshot, but the second he does and the target drops dead, he literally goes, “Ugh, why did I do that. Now I have to go out in the open and drag his ass over here.”

Really, I committed myself to this format of, like, posting per section, and I’m basically cutting down a little by combining sections of which I have no particular comments for, but i need to stick to my layout here.

classic lit authors on ao3
  • Jane Austen: The slowburn writer to end all slowburn writers. Has a mild case of purple prose syndrome. Sets you up to think she's using a really lame trope or cliche, but then pulls the old BITCH U THOUGHT. Gets in fights with commenters who completely miss the point of her work.
  • William Shakespeare: Where dick jokes meet feels. Recycles old plots that have been in the fandom for years, but always manages to put a new spin on it. That said, he's better known for good character writing than good plots. Kind of problematic, but people love him anyway. Laughs at and encourages commenters who completely miss the point of his work.
  • The Brontë Sisters: Their fics get lots of comments but they never reply. They never leave author notes, either. They share an account, and there are talks of a collab fic coming soon. Write fics for OTPs of questionable healthiness and consent. Only ever write darkfic. Like, REALLY dark. ...People are getting kind of worried about them.
  • Edgar Allan Poe: Also only ever writes darkfic, but at this point, people have moved past being worried about him and have just accepted that he's weird, he's morbid, and we love him. Channels his feelings about his ex into his writing. It results in really good stories but everyone's sort of like, "...Dude."
  • Charles Dickens: Trying to set the record for highest wordcount on ao3, and it shows.
  • Victor Hugo: Currently holds the record for highest wordcount on ao3.
  • Oscar Wilde: Only ever writes M/M. Has a BAD case of purple prose, but it's worth it if you manage to get through. His stories are either hilarious or soul-crushing. Or somehow both. People love him but know better than to disagree with him publicly, lest he destroy you with one of his infamous subtweets.
  • L. Frank Baum: Wrote one really well-loved story that's among the most famous in the fandom, and it's literally all he's known for, and it pisses him off. His popular story became a multichap against his will because it's the only one of his stories anyone actually reads. He keeps trying to end it so he can work on other things, but always ends up coming back.
  • Arthur Conan Doyle: Feels L. Frank Baum's pain. SO much.
  • James Joyce: Has fascinating ideas, but takes forEVER to get to the point in his stories. Also a stoner, and it shows.
  • Lousia May Alcott: Writes stories for her unpopular OTP (that's a NOTP for most of the fandom) and breaks up everyone's favorite ships, mainly out of spite. Also kills everyone's favorite characters, less so out of spite.
  • Mary Shelley: Writes incredible stories, but publishes under her boyfriend's account because she's banned from ao3. ...Again.
Fun Things to do with your pet: Green Bean Test

One of my neighbors had a REALLY FAT golden retriever she adopted, that needed to be put on a diet, but even super-low-cal food wasn’t working, becuase Ella was still hungry and would open the cabinet to eat the whole bag.  Vet suggested that she needed a filler Food so she could feel full without the extra calories, and suggested canned green beans, which are mostly fiber and lean protein.

Ella fucking LOVES green beans.  She does a dance for them if you mention them.  Her ‘sibling’ the police academy washout shepherd, thinks she’s insane.

Even if your pet doesn’t like green beans*, offering them a canned green bean is inevitably HILARIOUS becuase they’ll either be thrilled or otherwise make strange faces.  Results so far:

Ella (golden retriever): Overjoyed.  gets up on her hind legs to dance without prompting.

Sampson (Black shepherd): Offended, yells until you give him REAL treats.

Cody (Gentleman shepherd): is concerned, becuase this is Obviously Not Food.  Gently takes it to be polite, leaves it out in the yard.

Minx (Domestic Shorthair cat): Smelly Toy Is Hilarious, batted under the couch.

Tiger (Really Fat Domestic Shorthair cat):  Total disgust, hissing and sulking in the Prosciutto box.  Came out and ate it later anyway.

Wanda (corn snake) we didn’t expect her to be interested but she spent like three minutes licking it.

Sadie AKA Marquis De Sade (Hyacinth Macaw)  ignored bean in favor of dumping can on the floor, sticking head in can and screaming.  Did not attempt to bite, which is Very Nice for her.

Arwen (Australian Kelpie): ate bean, waited until humans were out of the room to consume rest of the can, got costco-sized can stuck on face and pooped green for three days.  Regets nothing.

Empanada/Anderson Cooper/#3 (Plymouth Hens): Excited screaming, kickboxing tournament over possession of beans/can.  #3 was ultimately victorious, becuase She is Fattest.

Big Angus (scottish highland cow, I know, ironic): very polite and delicate acceptance of beans for appx 1700 lbs of beef, will now run full-tilt across pasture to meet me, which scared the crap out of me tbh.

Will post further updates as I am allowed to try.  

*Please always cionsult a vet before making any dietary changes or offering your pet new foods, but green beans are pretty safe for most pets you can keep in America

the year is 2018. someone, probably a new homestuck lured in from hiveswap, decides to see what happened last 6/12 after just discovering it was a thing to be celebrated. they see that one post that’s a 6/12 timeline and think, wait, 2017 isn’t on here. why? little did they know, we don’t talk about 2017’s 6/12. it’s a shameful thing to even think about. they discover that all memories of 6/12/17 have been deleted, except one post simply titled “your ad here: $700.20”.

6

Le Chat devient…le chat?

i’ve been having a hard time drawing stuff lately due to time constraints and stress so i self indulged and drew chat noir as an actual cat. don’t know how it happened, but it was probably plagg’s fault—either it being an accident or totally (hilariously) on purpose because of lack of camembert

it was definitely on purpose

don’t worry though, it’s only temporary—it’ll probably last about an hour or two before adrien bribes plagg with enough cheese to turn him back to normal!

still callin him kitty noir

Please don’t repost to other websites like YouTube, Instagram, weheartit, pinterest, etc. Support my work by reblogging/liking it!

More otp prompts!! Mall shenanigans
  • #1
  • Person A: do you have any spare change? I wanna make a wish *points at fountain*
  • Person B, with a nonchalant expression: *whiPS OUT THEIR WHOLE WALLET AND POURS A HANDFUL OF COINS INTO THEIR HAND* take them all
  • #2
  • *Person A and B are on an escalator adjacent from a large mirror wall*
  • Person B: look at that cute person in the reflection
  • Person A: *glances worriedly at all the other people*
  • Person B: ...*lifts finger to point at Person A*
  • Person A:
  • Person A: oH !! GOODNESS Y OU MEANT ME!!! :'DD
  • #3
  • *in clothing store*
  • Person A: I'm buying this shirt for you, you'd look good in it
  • Person B: but u would look way better in it
  • Person A: but,,, they only have in it your size,,,
  • Person B, starting to get red: e exactly
  • [that can either be hilarious or adorable depending on if Person B is smaller or bigger than Person A LMAO]
  • #4
  • *in a game store*
  • Person A: *suggests they play Mario games on the demo Nintendo consoles*
  • Person B, thinking: ok why not
  • Person B, 30 minutes later, walking out of the store, with a pout and a grinning Person A in tow: yOu can't just distract me with kisses and expect me NOT to yell in frustration for you making me lose I'm-
  • #5
  • Person B: I'm tired
  • Person A: it's only been like 15 minutes
  • Person B, starting to cling to Person A: that's whyy
  • Person A, blushing n smiling: ok ok break time
  • Person A & B: end up lazily chilling in the food court for like 2 hours
We Got Married (M)

Originally posted by kthmyg

8.8k words. Arranged Marriage AU. Min Yoongi.

Warning: Fingering. Phone sex. ft Kim Namjoon.


It’s hilarious, laughable, pathetic even, how love could either build you or ruin you and yet knowing this, people still chase after it like the rise of golden light beyond the horizon, or the last drop of dew in twilight, or the flutter of that one coral blue butterflies in buttercup paved meadow.

It’s frightening, daunting, startling even, how love makes your hands clammy like you’re being interviewed by the very man who founded the big shot company you’ve applied to.

And it’s utterly, impossibly, unbelievable how love comes in many ways like a bump and a spill of coffee on crisp white shirt, or a brush of hands upon a dusty leather brown book spine or an envelope obtained from a mailbox on one’s way back from grocery shopping.

Well, that’s exactly what’s happening to Min Yoongi, second son to one of the well-known elite families in Seoul. Most of the time, he couldn’t care less about family matters; business deals, dinner with alien faces and empty conversations─ those things he’s entitled to attend with mildly bored eyes and champagne he’ll never finish in one hand. But this particular matter, he can’t just not care. One, because it directly concerns him (as if the cursive letter of his name engraved in bold black against crisp white isn’t enough indication). Two, because it’s from a certain someone in his family who he’s fond of.

Dear Yoongi,

Is written on the top of the not so neat written paper.

Son,

I know you might hate me for this.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

And problematic things Finn did to Rey: Refused to stop taking her hand after being told once. Once is enough. Physically assaulted her by climbing on her, sexually harrassed her by asking a pointed sexual question when they were alone, abandoned her, put her in danger on Starkiller Base, made her a target because he was too useless to fight effectively.

Wow. You know, I’m not surprised that these are your arguments, because these are the same tired complaints I’ve seen Reyl0s yawn on about ever since last December. FinnRey fans could practically argue against these in our sleep. However…sure. What the hell? I’ll answer anyway.

Refused to stop taking her hand after being told once. Once is enough.

Did you miss the part where Finn was literally pulling Rey out of danger? Taking her hand and tugging her is much quicker and more effective than yelling, “RUN,” waiting for Rey to react, and then seeing if she even catches the danger in time. Had Finn not taken Rey’s hand, she would have died. She would be gone. Blown up. History. Besides, I’m guessing you took a pee break when Rey crawled over to Finn after he got briefly knocked out from the explosion, because she offered her hand and was perfectly comfortable with physical contact after that. She understood why Finn was taking her hand before. 

Physically assaulted her by climbing on her,

Climbing on her? Seriously? Using her head to prop his hand on and stand properly in his seat is not “climbing on her.” Was it rude? Maybe a bit, but Rey was only slightly annoyed and got over it in 0.5 seconds. You’re making it sound like he forced himself on her lap or pinned her down in her seat or something. That’s…not a good look on your part.

sexually harrassed her by asking a pointed sexual question when they were alone,

What? Are you talking about? Are you referring to him asking if she had a boyfriend? That’s hardly sexual. It’s basically like him asking, “Hey, are you single?” Since when does that indicate sexual harassment? Is asking a girl on a date sexual harassment to you? 

abandoned her,

And then, you know, came back to save her, which was the whole entire point of his character arc. That would be like saying Han abandoned Luke before the Death Star mission, and then turning the movie off right before Han swoops in to have Luke’s back. 

put her in danger on Starkiller Base,

Receipts?

made her a target because he was too useless to fight effectively.

Yeah, Finn lost the fight on Starkiller, but you know the funny thing about your point here? You know the hilarious part? The only reason either of them were in danger in the first place was because of Kylo. You know, the Dreamboat™ you think is so perfect for Rey. In fact, let’s unpack some of the terrible things Kylo has done to Rey:

  • Knocked her unconscious and then proceeded to carry her against her will onto his ship.
  • Invaded her mind, a procedure that Pablo Hidalgo has confirmed is physically painful for the victim, and rubbed her insecurities/private thoughts in her face. Please note he was also doing this in order to get info to murder his uncle with, but I’m assuming you don’t care about Luke either, so I digress.
  • Murdered Han, a friend of Rey’s, before Rey’s very eyes.
  • Immediately chased after Rey and Finn in the forest and taunted them with Han’s death. (”Han Solo can’t save you!”)
  • Threw Rey into a tree.
  • Seriously injured Rey’s good friend, just because he could.
  • Had Rey locked over a cliff, a very threatening situation that was clearly meant to frighten Rey into joining his side.

So you know, anything Finn might have done is absolutely microscopic compared to what Benny Boy Wonder was up to in TFA. I think you need to sit down, watch TFA again, and seriously consider the reasoning behind you thinking the way you do, because I have a very hard time believing that you nitpicking Finn for all of these non-issues, yet letting everything Kylo does slide, isn’t driven by racism in some way. 

British Politics: A Brief CV
  • The Tories: Backroom-dealt and forced their way into a Brexit vote last June with David Cameron thinking he could win it – Cameron does not, resigns, Theresa May (former home secretary) becomes PM without a vote
  • May promises not to call a new general election before the 2020 scheduled election, seven times
  • May calls election anyway to increase her narrow Commons majority (something like 15-17 seats) for a better position in Brexit negotiations
  • Tory campaign is a spectacular bumblefuck because it turns out when people actually get to see what the party wants to do, they don’t like it very much
  • Wind Theresa May up and she will say “strong and stable” 500 times in a row
  • Meanwhile, Jeremy Corbyn surprises everyone by rising from the political dead and running a fairly good campaign for Labour (opposing left-wing party)
  • Three terror attacks in the UK in three months amid serious questions for the security services and Tory-backed cuts to police funding
  • Last night: Tories end up losing 12 seats (including, by the looks of things, Kensington, which is as hardcore Tory as you can go because shockingly, uberrich people don’t want to be anything less than uberrich)
  • This puts them below the 326 seats needed for a Commons majority (there are 650 seats in Westminster and you need to hold half plus one to ensure that even if all your opponents band together against you, and assuming all your MPs vote the line, you have the majority)
  • The Lib Dems just… want to win 14 seats and not have a coalition with anyone and just sit there by themselves, apparently, because Principles?
  • SNP (Scottish National Party) whose big thing is, you guessed it, Scottish independence, takes a bruising, loses close to 20 seats to Tories and Labour alike, including major/senior party figures – Scottish independence round 2 appears to be dead in the water
  • The Green Party gets 500 votes per constituency and they’re very proud of this for some reason
  • “Mr A The Durham Cobbler,” “Lord Buckethead,” and “Mr Fishfingers” were actual candidates who got actual votes
  • Aaaand none for you Ukip, possibly because the Tories have turned into you and that’s terrifying (Ukip = Nigel Farage and the Trumpistas)
  • Theresa May is now seeking on to stay on as PM and form a minority Tory/DUP (Democratic Unionist Party, 10 MPs from Northern Ireland, who would put her over the 326-seat threshold) coalition government
  • Has no actual plans or specifics as to how this would work
  • Seems to be completely in denial as to not only NOT getting a mandate or the early-predicted Thatcherite landslide, but LOSING seats and going BACKWARDS on BrexitBrexitBrexitBrexit
  • Actually thinks she is still offering “safety, security, and continuity” for the next five years
  • Is ignoring calls even among Tory leadership to resign
  • There is thus a less than zero chance we could end up with Boris “Walking Political Cartoon Punchline” Johnson as Tory leader/prime minister at some point

Right so. Got all that?

The Tories have, in less than two years:

  • Forced the Brexit vote
  • Had no clue what to do after that
  • Tried to call an election to get a better position/more seats
  • Lost seats, including previously very safe Tory ones
  • Are forming a…… coalition, presumably, of some sort, with DUP (who believe in some VERY shady things and have their own links to N. Irish terror and are like Ukip/the right wing crazy fringe – anti-gay marriage, anti-abortion, etc)
  • They have no idea how this is happening
  • Have not acknowledged this at all and are trying to carry on as if literally nothing happened (at least May has, the Tory establishment actually noted they got pretty bruised last night)
  • May is still somehow trying to position the Tories as the “safe, secure, continuity” option despite these HUGE political upheavals, all manufactured by the Tories, in under two years, and aforesaid three terror attacks in three months
  • And all of this is happening with Brexit negotiations due to start in less than 10 days
  • Like
  • The US has the Orange Nazi Cheeto, and he’s bad enough, but boy oh boy is there never a dull day around here either

On the bright side, between the first signs of electoral backlash that basically delegitimised Hard Brexit, and Comey’s pretty damning testimony about the Cheeto yesterday, I feel as if June 8, 2017 was a small bit of hope in the otherwise terribly depressing present political landscape.

So yes.

Worth It

Summary: reader twisted her ankle and Bucky helps her take care of the injury. One thing leads to another and… well just check the warnings.

A/N: Okay…. So something weird happened last night. I was just doing what I normally do which is look through my drafts and see if I can come up with something for my imagines and stuff which didn’t happen, sadly. Then I just opened a new draft for some reason and just began writing while my mind drifted off to some… things. Basically what I’m trying to tell you here is that I wrote smut.
Yes, I wrote smut and posting it will be my first time posting smut on this blog. I’m feeling kind of anxious about posting this because I don’t know if it’s any good. Either it’s so bad it’s hilarious, cringy or it’s actually something people can enjoy in a non humorous way. I mean I got a little erotically charged (college talk for horny (i love you if you get that reference)) while writing it but I don’t know if other people will. If you want to read it, go ahead and if you feel uncomfortable, don’t.
Feedback is appreciated, especially now since this is my first smut that I’ve posted. You don’t have to go into detail just tell me if it was well written or not, that’s if you want to, of course. I don’t want to force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do.
FOR THE PEOPLE I TAGGED!! I have no idea if you guys wanted to be tagged in smut posts too but hey, you don’t have to read it! I don’t expect every person to read every single imagine I post. Just skip this one if you feel like it.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Words: 5,622

Warning(s): SMUT, oral sex (both male and female receiving), cursing, unprotected sex (remember to wrap it before you tap it! Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener. Don’t be a fool, cover your tool. Wrap your bate before you mate and all that stuff)


Keep reading

Actor!AU Headcanons

I mentioned in the tags of this post that I had an actor!AU for ffxv… and I wish to share my headcanons with you.

  • Ardyn is nothing like the character he portrays. He’s a really good actor, the rest of the cast really likes him because he’s actually a really cool guy when he’s not The Accursed.
  • @oceanicchimera yes, King!Noctis and Ardyn do dance sometimes off-set. But it’s more along the lines of the dance competition from Guardians of the Galaxy because they’re both dorks who can’t dance.
  • Ravus is the one who messes up his lines the most, with Noctis at a close second. 
  • See, Ravus is also nothing like the character he portrays. Ravus is really chill. Ravus really hates wearing that singular colored contact. Makes his eye itch.
  • Ravus and Luna are still related, but they’re cousins instead of brother and sister. (Gladio and Iris are still bro and sis)
  • Ignis is the biggest prankster on set. As in, Prompto walked into his trailer at one point and it was just completely filled with balloons. There must have been a hundred of them. He’s very exasperated.
  • Gladio’s tattoo is just stage makeup, but after the movie he considers getting the tattoo for real. It’s badass.
  • Ignis: “What do you mean I go blind offscreen?”
  • King!Noct always trips over something because the shoes on his outfit have no traction whatsoever.
  • Everyone on set jokingly calls the movie “Bachelor Party Gone Wrong”
  • The cup noodle thing with Gladio was a complete accident. There was a scene where he was asked what his favorite food is, and instead of saying something along the lines of “a hearty steak, medium well,” he forgot and said “a hearty bowl of cup noodles, boiled to perfection, with the absolute best ingredients” and everyone else stayed in character for the scene. It was so hilarious that the producers decided to leave it in. Edits to the script were made. 
  • ^^The stage direction “angrily eat cup noodles” was created from this. 
  • Noctis had a lot of trouble during the Leviathan fight because something was always wrong with the robotic rig and it would randomly lock up and stop. There’s one take in particular that’s going very well until Noctis abruptly gets out of shot. The camera moves back to him hanging there, slowly zooming in on the betrayed look on his face.
  • Whenever Prompto messes up his lines, he either continues in whatever tone he was carrying while saying increasingly hilarious things or slaps a hand to his forehead and lets out a very soft scream (anguished noise)
  • Ignis, right before Noctis comes on set for the reunion scene: “Ten years ago I lost my dear friend Noctis” / “Quit telling everyone I’m dead!” / “Sometimes I can still hear his voice.”
  • Gladio was swinging his sword for a fight scene, but he swung it too hard and it literally just snapped in half. He stopped for a second, then turned and looked directly at the camera, mouthing the words “I’m so sorry”
  • Prompto goes “pew pew” and “bang bang” whenever he shoots his gun (like Harrison Ford and Han Solo)
  • Regis reads the script and he’s like, “Oh… I die… what…. what a surprise………” (Regis is like the Sean Bean of our world, his character always dies)
  • The bros are exactly like their real-life VAs on social media. They answer all kinds of questions and it’s great.
  • Ravus has a tumblr account, but there’s only one post, and it’s this one. There are no tags. The title of the blog is, simply, “Sycophancy.” (He was very amused with Ardyn’s line.) There’s no description. His url is akin to those of the bots that wander the site. He follows several blogs, but does not interact with any posts. No likes, no reblogs. He’s the fandom phantom.
  • Ardyn is like the Sebastian Stan in the social media. He provides the fandom with his own sad headcanons about his character like Seb does with Bucky. (Except Ardyn is very avid on the fact that he is the villain)
  • Sometimes the cast will get together post-movie premiere and do dramatic readings of fanfiction they found