this is either hilarious

classic lit authors on ao3
  • Jane Austen: The slowburn writer to end all slowburn writers. Has a mild case of purple prose syndrome. Sets you up to think she's using a really lame trope or cliche, but then pulls the old BITCH U THOUGHT. Gets in fights with commenters who completely miss the point of her work.
  • William Shakespeare: Where dick jokes meet feels. Recycles old plots that have been in the fandom for years, but always manages to put a new spin on it. That said, he's better known for good character writing than good plots. Kind of problematic, but people love him anyway. Laughs at and encourages commenters who completely miss the point of his work.
  • The Brontë Sisters: Their fics get lots of comments but they never reply. They never leave author notes, either. They share an account, and there are talks of a collab fic coming soon. Write fics for OTPs of questionable healthiness and consent. Only ever write darkfic. Like, REALLY dark. ...People are getting kind of worried about them.
  • Edgar Allan Poe: Also only ever writes darkfic, but at this point, people have moved past being worried about him and have just accepted that he's weird, he's morbid, and we love him. Channels his feelings about his ex into his writing. It results in really good stories but everyone's sort of like, "...Dude."
  • Charles Dickens: Trying to set the record for highest wordcount on ao3, and it shows.
  • Victor Hugo: Currently holds the record for highest wordcount on ao3.
  • Oscar Wilde: Only ever writes M/M. Has a BAD case of purple prose, but it's worth it if you manage to get through. His stories are either hilarious or soul-crushing. Or somehow both. People love him but know better than to disagree with him publicly, lest he destroy you with one of his infamous subtweets.
  • L. Frank Baum: Wrote one really well-loved story that's among the most famous in the fandom, and it's literally all he's known for, and it pisses him off. His popular story became a multichap against his will because it's the only one of his stories anyone actually reads. He keeps trying to end it so he can work on other things, but always ends up coming back.
  • Arthur Conan Doyle: Feels L. Frank Baum's pain. SO much.
  • James Joyce: Has fascinating ideas, but takes forEVER to get to the point in his stories. Also a stoner, and it shows.
  • Lousia May Alcott: Writes stories for her unpopular OTP (that's a NOTP for most of the fandom) and breaks up everyone's favorite ships, mainly out of spite. Also kills everyone's favorite characters, less so out of spite.
  • Mary Shelley: Writes incredible stories, but publishes under her boyfriend's account because she's banned from ao3. ...Again.
Fun Things to do with your pet: Green Bean Test

One of my neighbors had a REALLY FAT golden retriever she adopted, that needed to be put on a diet, but even super-low-cal food wasn’t working, becuase Ella was still hungry and would open the cabinet to eat the whole bag.  Vet suggested that she needed a filler Food so she could feel full without the extra calories, and suggested canned green beans, which are mostly fiber and lean protein.

Ella fucking LOVES green beans.  She does a dance for them if you mention them.  Her ‘sibling’ the police academy washout shepherd, thinks she’s insane.

Even if your pet doesn’t like green beans*, offering them a canned green bean is inevitably HILARIOUS becuase they’ll either be thrilled or otherwise make strange faces.  Results so far:

Ella (golden retriever): Overjoyed.  gets up on her hind legs to dance without prompting.

Sampson (Black shepherd): Offended, yells until you give him REAL treats.

Cody (Gentleman shepherd): is concerned, becuase this is Obviously Not Food.  Gently takes it to be polite, leaves it out in the yard.

Minx (Domestic Shorthair cat): Smelly Toy Is Hilarious, batted under the couch.

Tiger (Really Fat Domestic Shorthair cat):  Total disgust, hissing and sulking in the Prosciutto box.  Came out and ate it later anyway.

Wanda (corn snake) we didn’t expect her to be interested but she spent like three minutes licking it.

Sadie AKA Marquis De Sade (Hyacinth Macaw)  ignored bean in favor of dumping can on the floor, sticking head in can and screaming.  Did not attempt to bite, which is Very Nice for her.

Arwen (Australian Kelpie): ate bean, waited until humans were out of the room to consume rest of the can, got costco-sized can stuck on face and pooped green for three days.  Regets nothing.

Empanada/Anderson Cooper/#3 (Plymouth Hens): Excited screaming, kickboxing tournament over possession of beans/can.  #3 was ultimately victorious, becuase She is Fattest.

Big Angus (scottish highland cow, I know, ironic): very polite and delicate acceptance of beans for appx 1700 lbs of beef, will now run full-tilt across pasture to meet me, which scared the crap out of me tbh.

Will post further updates as I am allowed to try.  

*Please always cionsult a vet before making any dietary changes or offering your pet new foods, but green beans are pretty safe for most pets you can keep in America

the year is 2018. someone, probably a new homestuck lured in from hiveswap, decides to see what happened last 6/12 after just discovering it was a thing to be celebrated. they see that one post that’s a 6/12 timeline and think, wait, 2017 isn’t on here. why? little did they know, we don’t talk about 2017’s 6/12. it’s a shameful thing to even think about. they discover that all memories of 6/12/17 have been deleted, except one post simply titled “your ad here: $700.20”.

okay but taako and lup only achieving a sense of identity after joining the IPRE

taako and lup are identical, even going so far as having the same haircut and let people tell them apart by colour coordinating themselves, taako wears one colour, lup wears another - except they’re constantly swapping and pretending to be each other. if taako doesn’t want to go to class, lup will put on his outfit. If lup doesn’t want to talk to someone she’ll tell them she’s taako and that she’ll “tell lup they were looking for her.”

no one ever truly gets to know them, never gets close, because they don’t let them - they seem distant to people they’ve sometimes had lengthy conversations with because that was with the other twin. its fun and isolating and assures they’ll never get hurt because the only person they’ve let get close is their brother/sister, the only person they’ll ever trust to watch their back.

It changes with magnus who always makes an attempt to guess who is who, something not many people - not even their aunt - did very often. After a while he’s right every time and they start lying about which one they are in an attempt to stop magnus from getting too close - it fails because he finds them both equally as interesting as the other and isn’t deterred when he learns he’s talking to the “other twin”. It isn’t until taako is leaving class one day in a bad mood and magnus catches up with him that he realises maybe things are changing. Magnus tries to start a conversation with taako, who lies and says he’s lup before trying to leave, then magnus laughs and says ‘sure taako, whatever you say’, he’s the first person to ever be able to tell them apart.

then barry, then lucretia, then merle, then davenport.

It gets to the point where it starts stressing them out, how could they tell them apart?? no one had ever been able to do that, not even their family. They sit down with the team and ask, confused and more than a little vulnerable. The team smile and say that even though they’re inseparable they’re still two different people, they all like them both for different reasons and maybe they should try exploring those different reasons. Merle laughs and says ‘your voices are different, idiots.’

They start to make changes though, the first time they all see each other again after that meeting their clothes are totally different from each other, taako has his hair tied back and is wearing a large hat, lup has braids and lots of jewellery. No one points it out, they just smile and greet them. After that they grow more independent of each other, occasionally switching places (they went as each other for halloween once) but thanks to their new family they realised that maybe letting others get close, letting them know the real lup and taako, might not be too bad.

6

Le Chat devient…le chat?

i’ve been having a hard time drawing stuff lately due to time constraints and stress so i self indulged and drew chat noir as an actual cat. don’t know how it happened, but it was probably plagg’s fault—either it being an accident or totally (hilariously) on purpose because of lack of camembert

it was definitely on purpose

don’t worry though, it’s only temporary—it’ll probably last about an hour or two before adrien bribes plagg with enough cheese to turn him back to normal!

still callin him kitty noir

Please don’t repost to other websites like YouTube, Instagram, weheartit, pinterest, etc. Support my work by reblogging/liking it!

Yang: alright mom take us to Ruby!


Raven: -sigh- yea whatever


-Yang and Weiss go through the portal and find Ruby-


Yang and Weiss: Ruby!!!


Ruby: Guys I missed you so much!! And Yang we’re going to find someone at Raven’s camp so you can finally meet her :)


Yang: Are you fucking-

More otp prompts!! Mall shenanigans
  • #1
  • Person A: do you have any spare change? I wanna make a wish *points at fountain*
  • Person B, with a nonchalant expression: *whiPS OUT THEIR WHOLE WALLET AND POURS A HANDFUL OF COINS INTO THEIR HAND* take them all
  • #2
  • *Person A and B are on an escalator adjacent from a large mirror wall*
  • Person B: look at that cute person in the reflection
  • Person A: *glances worriedly at all the other people*
  • Person B: ...*lifts finger to point at Person A*
  • Person A:
  • Person A: oH !! GOODNESS Y OU MEANT ME!!! :'DD
  • #3
  • *in clothing store*
  • Person A: I'm buying this shirt for you, you'd look good in it
  • Person B: but u would look way better in it
  • Person A: but,,, they only have in it your size,,,
  • Person B, starting to get red: e exactly
  • [that can either be hilarious or adorable depending on if Person B is smaller or bigger than Person A LMAO]
  • #4
  • *in a game store*
  • Person A: *suggests they play Mario games on the demo Nintendo consoles*
  • Person B, thinking: ok why not
  • Person B, 30 minutes later, walking out of the store, with a pout and a grinning Person A in tow: yOu can't just distract me with kisses and expect me NOT to yell in frustration for you making me lose I'm-
  • #5
  • Person B: I'm tired
  • Person A: it's only been like 15 minutes
  • Person B, starting to cling to Person A: that's whyy
  • Person A, blushing n smiling: ok ok break time
  • Person A & B: end up lazily chilling in the food court for like 2 hours

You know how sometimes we make meme and social media references in real life?

The aliens certainly didn’t.

The captain had no idea what to expect from his decision to bring a second human aboard the ship. His only guidance in the matter had been the rather unhelpful suggestion to acquire one already pack-bonded with Human-Megan. Unfortunately, given human nature, this could apply to any number of humans, and attempting to ask Human-Megan herself for an organized list of them all proved useless. (He had been immediately accused of being a “stalker”.)

However, he did eventually become aware of a certain human who had been a “sister from another mister” for most of Human-Megan’s life. Upon inquiring about this new human, he was met with enthusiastic approval, mostly in the form of the repeated, painfully high-pitched word “yes”.

And so Human-Lynn was brought aboard.

At first, the crew were presented with nothing they were unfamiliar with. There had been a temporary scare upon first viewing Human-Lynn, due to the vibrant and multicolored crop of hair she bore. However, Human-Lynn had quickly ended their confusion by explaining the concept of hair dye, which, although it had left a few crewmembers nauseous, was understandable for human standards.

In addition, Human-Lynn was considerably less emotional, or so it seemed. Upon encountering disagreements with the crew, she would begin laying down insults in an almost offhand manner, and nothing seemed to cause her to be visibly furious. However, Human-Megan had assured them that she was simply “sassy” and “sarcastic” in nature, and that when she began to insult them in such a calm manner, she was indeed furious (although it was difficult to imagine that a being could be simultaneously calm and furious).

But then came the strange, and often illogical, conversations that often ensued between Human-Lynn and Human-Megan.

For instance, there was their first passage through a nebula since Human-Lynn’s arrival. Human-Megan, although she had borne witness to nebulae before, looked on in wonder almost identical to Human-Lynn’s. Both were seemingly rendered immobile, mouths slightly agape.

“Gorgeous.”

“Yeah,” Human-Megan affirmed.

“What’s the…how does this even…” After a moment of failed articulation, Human-Lynn let out a deep sigh. “Science side of Tumblr?”

“Space dust do the glow-glow,” Human-Megan responded almost seamlessly.

“Thank you, science side of Tumblr.”

Several more occurrences of seemingly cryptic conversations where yet to come. Occasionally, the two would make eye contact and mutter “same” for seemingly no reason at all, and once during the first meal rotation Human-Lynn had stood and bellowed, “AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!” much to the surprise and momentary panic of her fellow crewmembers.

At last, a member of the cultural research department approached the two during their third meal rotation and inquired about the nature of their seemingly meaningless conversations. It was his duty, after all, to collect data regarding new species, especially in regards to behavior.

He was met with general laughter, a sound still rather jarring to hear without appropriate warning.

“Holy…crap,” Human-Lynn breathed, wiping a tear from her eye as she shook with laughter. “An alien…wants to know…about memes. I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Memes…?”

“Yeah,” Human-Megan affirmed. “They’re like…I don’t know…references to popular culture on Earth? They’re usually pretty stupid, and either considered hilarious or grounds to murder someone because they’re that stupid.”

“Grounds to…murder someone?!”

“Not literally, dude. We’ve discussed this. Not literally.”

“There’s a lot of memes,” Human-Lynn continued in her friend’s place. “Spongebob is a few…oh, there’s the dog in the burning house. You know, the ‘this is fine’ meme?”

“Yeah, and Moon-Moon, and 'you shall not pass’–”

“John Cena–”

“Screw you, I hate John Cena–”

“These are not the droids you’re looking for, that one’s a classic–”

“And then there’s some that aren’t really memes, they’re more like Tumblr legends. Like the science side of Tumblr, and John Green, and Superwholock. But Lynn and I like to use those in real life because we’re weird.”

The researcher nodded, a gesture he had it adopted from the humans he studied, although the concepts they were referring to were far beyond his understanding. Perhaps this was one of those cases where you had to simply let humans be humans, regardless of how strange it was.

“I believe I have heard of these…memes,” he mused after a moment. “So…what is Rickrolling?”

Immediately the grins dropped from the humans’ faces.

“We don’t talk about Rickrolling,” hissed Human-Megan. “We never–EVER–discuss–Rickrolling.”

“Understood.”

We Got Married (M)

Originally posted by kthmyg

8.8k words. Arranged Marriage AU. Min Yoongi.

Warning: Fingering. Phone sex. ft Kim Namjoon.


It’s hilarious, laughable, pathetic even, how love could either build you or ruin you and yet knowing this, people still chase after it like the rise of golden light beyond the horizon, or the last drop of dew in twilight, or the flutter of that one coral blue butterflies in buttercup paved meadow.

It’s frightening, daunting, startling even, how love makes your hands clammy like you’re being interviewed by the very man who founded the big shot company you’ve applied to.

And it’s utterly, impossibly, unbelievable how love comes in many ways like a bump and a spill of coffee on crisp white shirt, or a brush of hands upon a dusty leather brown book spine or an envelope obtained from a mailbox on one’s way back from grocery shopping.

Well, that’s exactly what’s happening to Min Yoongi, second son to one of the well-known elite families in Seoul. Most of the time, he couldn’t care less about family matters; business deals, dinner with alien faces and empty conversations─ those things he’s entitled to attend with mildly bored eyes and champagne he’ll never finish in one hand. But this particular matter, he can’t just not care. One, because it directly concerns him (as if the cursive letter of his name engraved in bold black against crisp white isn’t enough indication). Two, because it’s from a certain someone in his family who he’s fond of.

Dear Yoongi,

Is written on the top of the not so neat written paper.

Son,

I know you might hate me for this.

Keep reading

British Politics: A Brief CV
  • The Tories: Backroom-dealt and forced their way into a Brexit vote last June with David Cameron thinking he could win it – Cameron does not, resigns, Theresa May (former home secretary) becomes PM without a vote
  • May promises not to call a new general election before the 2020 scheduled election, seven times
  • May calls election anyway to increase her narrow Commons majority (something like 15-17 seats) for a better position in Brexit negotiations
  • Tory campaign is a spectacular bumblefuck because it turns out when people actually get to see what the party wants to do, they don’t like it very much
  • Wind Theresa May up and she will say “strong and stable” 500 times in a row
  • Meanwhile, Jeremy Corbyn surprises everyone by rising from the political dead and running a fairly good campaign for Labour (opposing left-wing party)
  • Three terror attacks in the UK in three months amid serious questions for the security services and Tory-backed cuts to police funding
  • Last night: Tories end up losing 12 seats (including, by the looks of things, Kensington, which is as hardcore Tory as you can go because shockingly, uberrich people don’t want to be anything less than uberrich)
  • This puts them below the 326 seats needed for a Commons majority (there are 650 seats in Westminster and you need to hold half plus one to ensure that even if all your opponents band together against you, and assuming all your MPs vote the line, you have the majority)
  • The Lib Dems just… want to win 14 seats and not have a coalition with anyone and just sit there by themselves, apparently, because Principles?
  • SNP (Scottish National Party) whose big thing is, you guessed it, Scottish independence, takes a bruising, loses close to 20 seats to Tories and Labour alike, including major/senior party figures – Scottish independence round 2 appears to be dead in the water
  • The Green Party gets 500 votes per constituency and they’re very proud of this for some reason
  • “Mr A The Durham Cobbler,” “Lord Buckethead,” and “Mr Fishfingers” were actual candidates who got actual votes
  • Aaaand none for you Ukip, possibly because the Tories have turned into you and that’s terrifying (Ukip = Nigel Farage and the Trumpistas)
  • Theresa May is now seeking on to stay on as PM and form a minority Tory/DUP (Democratic Unionist Party, 10 MPs from Northern Ireland, who would put her over the 326-seat threshold) coalition government
  • Has no actual plans or specifics as to how this would work
  • Seems to be completely in denial as to not only NOT getting a mandate or the early-predicted Thatcherite landslide, but LOSING seats and going BACKWARDS on BrexitBrexitBrexitBrexit
  • Actually thinks she is still offering “safety, security, and continuity” for the next five years
  • Is ignoring calls even among Tory leadership to resign
  • There is thus a less than zero chance we could end up with Boris “Walking Political Cartoon Punchline” Johnson as Tory leader/prime minister at some point

Right so. Got all that?

The Tories have, in less than two years:

  • Forced the Brexit vote
  • Had no clue what to do after that
  • Tried to call an election to get a better position/more seats
  • Lost seats, including previously very safe Tory ones
  • Are forming a…… coalition, presumably, of some sort, with DUP (who believe in some VERY shady things and have their own links to N. Irish terror and are like Ukip/the right wing crazy fringe – anti-gay marriage, anti-abortion, etc)
  • They have no idea how this is happening
  • Have not acknowledged this at all and are trying to carry on as if literally nothing happened (at least May has, the Tory establishment actually noted they got pretty bruised last night)
  • May is still somehow trying to position the Tories as the “safe, secure, continuity” option despite these HUGE political upheavals, all manufactured by the Tories, in under two years, and aforesaid three terror attacks in three months
  • And all of this is happening with Brexit negotiations due to start in less than 10 days
  • Like
  • The US has the Orange Nazi Cheeto, and he’s bad enough, but boy oh boy is there never a dull day around here either

On the bright side, between the first signs of electoral backlash that basically delegitimised Hard Brexit, and Comey’s pretty damning testimony about the Cheeto yesterday, I feel as if June 8, 2017 was a small bit of hope in the otherwise terribly depressing present political landscape.

So yes.

Actor!AU Headcanons

I mentioned in the tags of this post that I had an actor!AU for ffxv… and I wish to share my headcanons with you.

  • Ardyn is nothing like the character he portrays. He’s a really good actor, the rest of the cast really likes him because he’s actually a really cool guy when he’s not The Accursed.
  • @oceanicchimera yes, King!Noctis and Ardyn do dance sometimes off-set. But it’s more along the lines of the dance competition from Guardians of the Galaxy because they’re both dorks who can’t dance.
  • Ravus is the one who messes up his lines the most, with Noctis at a close second. 
  • See, Ravus is also nothing like the character he portrays. Ravus is really chill. Ravus really hates wearing that singular colored contact. Makes his eye itch.
  • Ravus and Luna are still related, but they’re cousins instead of brother and sister. (Gladio and Iris are still bro and sis)
  • Ignis is the biggest prankster on set. As in, Prompto walked into his trailer at one point and it was just completely filled with balloons. There must have been a hundred of them. He’s very exasperated.
  • Gladio’s tattoo is just stage makeup, but after the movie he considers getting the tattoo for real. It’s badass.
  • Ignis: “What do you mean I go blind offscreen?”
  • King!Noct always trips over something because the shoes on his outfit have no traction whatsoever.
  • Everyone on set jokingly calls the movie “Bachelor Party Gone Wrong”
  • The cup noodle thing with Gladio was a complete accident. There was a scene where he was asked what his favorite food is, and instead of saying something along the lines of “a hearty steak, medium well,” he forgot and said “a hearty bowl of cup noodles, boiled to perfection, with the absolute best ingredients” and everyone else stayed in character for the scene. It was so hilarious that the producers decided to leave it in. Edits to the script were made. 
  • ^^The stage direction “angrily eat cup noodles” was created from this. 
  • Noctis had a lot of trouble during the Leviathan fight because something was always wrong with the robotic rig and it would randomly lock up and stop. There’s one take in particular that’s going very well until Noctis abruptly gets out of shot. The camera moves back to him hanging there, slowly zooming in on the betrayed look on his face.
  • Whenever Prompto messes up his lines, he either continues in whatever tone he was carrying while saying increasingly hilarious things or slaps a hand to his forehead and lets out a very soft scream (anguished noise)
  • Ignis, right before Noctis comes on set for the reunion scene: “Ten years ago I lost my dear friend Noctis” / “Quit telling everyone I’m dead!” / “Sometimes I can still hear his voice.”
  • Gladio was swinging his sword for a fight scene, but he swung it too hard and it literally just snapped in half. He stopped for a second, then turned and looked directly at the camera, mouthing the words “I’m so sorry”
  • Prompto goes “pew pew” and “bang bang” whenever he shoots his gun (like Harrison Ford and Han Solo)
  • Regis reads the script and he’s like, “Oh… I die… what…. what a surprise………” (Regis is like the Sean Bean of our world, his character always dies)
  • The bros are exactly like their real-life VAs on social media. They answer all kinds of questions and it’s great.
  • Ravus has a tumblr account, but there’s only one post, and it’s this one. There are no tags. The title of the blog is, simply, “Sycophancy.” (He was very amused with Ardyn’s line.) There’s no description. His url is akin to those of the bots that wander the site. He follows several blogs, but does not interact with any posts. No likes, no reblogs. He’s the fandom phantom.
  • Ardyn is like the Sebastian Stan in the social media. He provides the fandom with his own sad headcanons about his character like Seb does with Bucky. (Except Ardyn is very avid on the fact that he is the villain)
  • Sometimes the cast will get together post-movie premiere and do dramatic readings of fanfiction they found