this is blehhh


Started a fic (which I regret loooll art is suffering) but I kept describing Genji as having a cloak and scarf over his visor, and I wanted to try figure out what that’d entail, since I think he’ll probably only acquire his nomad outfit later, when he’s done looking homeless. And then Zen with a shawl because omnics probably get very hot in direct sunlight, and he has to protect himself from baking like a parked car in summertime (actually, now that I think about it, I’m sure parasols and the like are quite popular amongst omnics! Gotta keep that core temp down one way or another.) The rest is just me trying (and failing haha) to get through my art block

tbh I don’t write much about detransition (certainly not as much as the brilliant women who inspired me to do it in the first place) but I do just wanna say, in case anyone reading this is considering it now or in the future: it can be okay? like god knows I’m not a wise elder yet, it’s been less than 2 years since I started, but like,, a lot has changed in that time.. I was terrified, I had no idea how to start, no idea where I’d end up. it was, no joke, 100x scarier than transitioning at 15. but even having no idea what I was doing, it still worked out okay. it’s really inconvenient and difficult and frustrating and sometimes lonely - but so is being trans, and just being alive in the first place. with the added bonus that I’m now MASSIVELY more comfortable with myself & my body & my thoughts about gender. like I can’t overstate how much more effective it’s been to try & accept my body, dysphoria + all, than to try & change it. I kept waiting to feel regretful of my transition and the permanent changes I made to my body, but the regret hasn’t come. bodies change permanently, that’s what they do all the time for lots of reasons, and it doesn’t have to be a disaster. mine still does all the important things it used to, more or less, and it’s 99% the same as it would have been anyway. other people may not recognise me as a woman but for the first time in my life, I do! and I’m not just fine with it - I’m happy & proud about it. if you’re trans or questioning, remember that detransition happens sometimes and it’s okay and not the end of the world. detransitioned people are cool and whole and we’re out here making it work, so if you ever find yourself in this boat, don’t freak out, you’ll be okay

Doujinshi haul from Japan’s Toranoana and K-books!!

I was so afraid some of them would go OOS by the time I reached there but luckily I managed to get most of them! (There was one that I really wanted but was OOS when I got there T_T)

The top row are all ichikara/karaichi, with one karaoso
The rest are all osoichi

Also I came across Daematsu’s doujin and I could not not buy it?? Such beautiful art ;v;

Something different that occurred this episode was that, in episode 10, we have Victor as the narrator, instead of Yuuri. He introduces himself the way Yuuri introduced himself in the first few episodes, which solidifies the perspective of the narrator for the corresponding episode. Some important things to note is that he speaks in past tense just like Yuuri does when he narrates, and breaks the fourth wall with the line


(sate, hanashi wa modotte…)

“Now then, back to the story…”

Both of these facts heavily imply that Victor is recalling and retelling his and Yuuri’s story of how they met to someone, whether it be us, the audience, or a niece or nephew in the future. Whenever we get a narration line from either Yuuri or Victor in any of the episodes, it’s said in a very wistful and playful tone, which is further evidence pointing towards how they’re remembering the beginning of their love story, as both wistful and playful tones can both be related back to nostalgia.

What does that mean?

I hear you ask. Well it means that long, long after the plot of Yuri!!! On Ice ends, Victor and Yuuri are still happily together. It means that both Yuuri and Victor are willing to accept the other with all their faults, and that they’ve worked hard to build something stable and long-lasting together.

You know what else is just great from this episode? The fact that we can see that Victor is improving the way in which he supports Yuuri.

Back during the China Tournament, we witnessed the game changing parking lot scene, where Yuuri cried his eyes out, and, pushed to the brink, where he shouted at Victor the following


(boku ga katsutte boku yori shinjite yo. Damattete ii kara, hanarezu ni soba ni ite yo)

“Have more faith in me, believe that I will win. It’s okay to not say anything, so just stay by my side!”

What Yuuri asks of Victor during the carpark scene is actually subtly reflected in episode 10, when they’re both walking through the Christmas stalls. During this scene, Victor’s narration goes

「ゆうりが答えを探してる時、黙ってても目がキラキラと輝いてる。 --- 話しかけずにそっとようそうによう。」

(yuuri ga kotae wo sagashiteru toki, damattetemo me ga kirakira to kagayaiteru. — hanashikakezuni sotto yousou niyou)

“When Yuuri searches for an answer, even without talking, his eyes sparkle and glitter. — I’ll just quietly stay near without talking.”

No questions asked, Victor just accepts that Yuuri is looking for something, in other words, he’s believing in him, and quietly accompanies him throughout his search, while appreciating how his eyes light up. The use of the verb 「黙る」(damaru) “to shut up” in both of these dialogues further relates the two scenes. He’s learning how to support Yuuri because of the advice Yuuri gave him previously, and is proving to us that he is getting better at it.

Interestingly enough, Victor’s thoughts here actually mirror the lyrics to the ending song somewhat, especially the lyrics


(kagayakinagara kimi ga oshietekureta)

“You shine radiantly as you taught me/showed me (the way)”

Which, in this context, would have the “shine radiantly” describe Yuuri’s eyes as they shine and glitter, and the ‘teaching’ section refer to how Yuuri’s outburst in the carpark actually helped Victor in his Yuuri coaching endeavours, how Yuuri taught him how to support him passively. (I actually did a whole general analysis of the ending song here, so go check it out if you like procrastinating and crying over anime ending songs)

There are just so many things in this episode that point towards Yuuri and Victor’s healthy, balanced relationship, how they’re both working and compromising for each other, and how this relationship will last long into the future after the events of Yuri!!! on Ice. And it is honestly the most wonderfully delicate, detailed, and natural piece of storytelling I’ve ever witnessed in anime.