this is because of feels okay

I feel kind of sick.

I’ll look for a way to express it because this is a blog and that’s what we do.

I wanted it to be gay. Okay? I’m queer, and I’ve had a lot of stories that were almost queer or not quite queer or queer-ish but you can’t make it really queer when it’s a big popular show…I’ve had those stories. I didn’t want another one. I wanted this to be gay, and unambiguously so.

I also think John and Sherlock Smash Their Internal Thatchers And Find Love in the Face of All the Odds is a more interesting story than Sherlock, Mycroft and John Meet the Third Holmes Sibling Who Is a Total Sadist and Also Nothing To Do With The Show.

I am working out what to think. 

cumberbatch-of-cakes-for-me  asked:

I'm so happy I have another blog out there who didnt hate the episode and is quite okay with the ending, I had felt quite alone before seeing your posts and replies to asks. I understand why people are upset, but at the end of the day, I would rather continue to love this show I became so attached too then let myself destroy it because of this episode. I'm sorry people are giving you hate!! x

It’s okay, let them send hate if it’s what they like. I’m resistant :-)

I also understand why people are upset but the thing is that I’m not. If this is my fault that I don’t feel anger, then okay, slay me, if you feel like. 

I was expecting something else but it is what it is and I’m fine. I still love Sherlock.

If someone is not okay with this, it’s not my final problem.

Sherlock Season Finale

I never make these posts. And I have like two followers so probably no one is going to see this and that’s fine. But–the season four finale of Sherlock was tonight. And Tumblr is having a lot of feelings. Specifically about johnlock/TJLC or lack thereof. And a lot of those feelings are being expressed in stuff like “I’m so betrayed” “this isn’t happening” “how could they do this?”. Which, to an extent, I understand. There’s a huge problem with queerbaiting on television and it’s not okay and Sherlock has without a doubt fallen into that category many times. But. The level of vitriol is stunning to me specifically because, when I finished the episode, I felt as though everyone had been right–Johnlock WAS endgame. Mary gave them her blessing. They rebuilt the flat together. They live together. They’re raising a child together. Sherlock made it painfully clear throughout the episode just how much he cared about John. He loves John, as many people say, with his entire self. And so when I finish an episode like that, one that leaves a happy couple living together in domestic bliss, and then see people screaming on the internet and tumblr and wherever about how they’ve been personally failed by the show, all I can think is that Johnlock, for these people, means wild gay sex. And so, because John and Sherlock never even kissed on screen, didn’t reenact everyone’s favorite fanfic, didn’t start tearing each other’s clothes off as soon as they possibly could–well, it must mean that the writers are homophobic and that the whole world is against Johnlock shippers. Except, consider the context of the show–when has there ever been gratuitous sexual ANYTHING? Even when John and Mary were married they acted…well, like middle-aged married people, not horny teenagers. So if the show were to make Johnlock canon–which I believe it did–it would happen in exactly the way that was shown in this episode–heavy on the relationship and rapport, taking physical intimacy for granted. And the thing that really bugs me, the thing that drove me to make this post, is that the people wailing about men in their (30s? 40s?) acting out their love like adults screams to me that they don’t care about the show, or the acting, or even the characters–because particularly with Sherlock, we don’t even know if he’s a sexual person. The one time he acted like one, it was part of a long con. And to dismiss that smacks of asexual erasure–they care about what gets them off. They care about the fetish of a gay relationship. Which overlooks so many of the deeper emotional themes of the show, not to mention the fact that a person’s sexual orientation should NEVER exist for the sexual gratification others, that I just can’t stomach it. It’s a narrow minded and emotionally shallow approach–to the show, but also to life and love in general. There is so much more to many–not all, but many–relationships than sex. And to insist on carnal satisfaction from your ship, and dismiss the effort and emotion that went into creating this entire show on the parts of all the writers and the cast and the crew, simply because your desires were not met in exactly the way you envisioned it happening, is, especially in the context of a mostly sexless show and a possibly asexual character, highly disturbing.

Please don’t give up hope.

Okay, I know S4 in general and TFPB in particular SUCKED MAJOR ASS. I know we’re all heartbroken, angry, disconsolate, hopeless.

But can we all just- stop for a minute, and try to calm down, and think, before we decide to harass Mofftiss and everyone on Sherlock’s production team and boycott a show that’s never let us down before now, for more than 5 years? I thought that’s what we do. We see through Mofftiss’ hurtful bullshit and analyze what the show tells us. What they tells us through the show.

I have a theory. I still have doubts, of course, but it’s okay to doubt. It’s healthy. Especially when you believe in something. It means you care. I care about this show. A lot. Too much, perhaps. But I feel that TPTB deserve the benefit of the doubt, because they’ve earned it for 5 years, 3 seasons and 1 special episode, and if that doesn’t mean anything, then what does?

So there are a few possible explanations for what the trainwreck that we saw this season. 

One of them is that TPTB don’t care about their story anymore, actually they hate it so much that they undid everything (plotlines, character development, coherence, everything) they’d been building up to TAB.

Unlikely, considering what they’ve said about Sherlock Holmes before. Of course, since we know they’re dirty little liars that lie, and they’ve lied to us before, we can’t trust anything they say, but then why make the show? Why aggravate fans of the other adaptations by saying there was something everyone else got wrong, and their objective was to get it right? Why slip so many clever references and details and hints that only the small part of the audience who is even aware of subtext will see? It’s not like it would help their ratings. And why write TAB as a love letter to us, TJLCers? We’re the only ones who liked the episode, casuals and antis (who compose the majority of the audience watching the show) hated it (because they didn’t understand it).

Plus, on its own, S4 is career suicide.

I don’t buy it. it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t fit.

Another possible explanation is that Mofftiss and everyone involved in the making of the show suffer from incompetence so intense they wouldn’t recognize good story-telling if it was dancing the dance of the seven veils under “I am good story telling” in giant neon red letters right in front of them.

Also unlikely, for the reasons stated above, ie s1 to 3 of the show, and the fact that TAB is a masterpiece.

Actually, season 4 has been, so far, an absolute mess to me (TLD was its high point, I guess, but even that was weird. And don’t get me started on Eurus’ impossible stunt or sudden characterisation change from one episode to the next). The transitions are weird (Sherlock drowning in black goo, seriously?). The characters are OOC and the acting is awful. Lines from previous episodes are being reused by different characters. There are plot holes the size of my country in every episode, and the laws of physics, time and space are being ignored. The whole fandom is begging for context and we still haven’t been given any.

However, my experience of S4 so far is not unfamiliar. It actually reminds me of how I experienced S3. Now, some context (for once): I wasn’t aware that the word subtext existed before I googled “Sherlock theories” the day following TSOT. The reason I looked it up was because I perceived a drop in quality that I couldn’t quite believe happened, because there was something I was missing. Then I came across @loudest-subtext-in-tv‘s metas and tjlc, and that convinced me because it made sense of the show, and the rest is history, and now I love it even more (I even learned to like TBB, who knew). My point here is: we’re missing something. We’re still lacking context. We need more data.

The third explanation is a bit of a leap of faith, but it’s also the more likely, if past experience is any indication (and tbh it’s the only one that’s keeping me from being a heartbroken mess rn).

As I said before, S4 as a whole doesn’t make any sense, if we take it literally. However, if we look at it through the lense of EMP theory… if everything, from the moment Mary shot him to the end of TFPB, is Sherlock’s coma dream, and they still haven’t revealed it, then we can draw the conclusion that:

TPTB are pulling a Reichenbach on us. 

They’ve killed their show. Not because they don’t care anymore, or because they only care about money and figured a few heartbroken fans aren’t worth the trouble.

They’ve killed their show because A) they want people to root for Johnlock, so they tried to make the straight version absolute TRASH and succeeded beyond their wildest nightmares and B) they’re letting us to connect with the Sherlock Holmes fans of the victorian era. 

A) speaks for itself. No one likes this season. This very straight season. Not casuals, not antis. For once the middle episode is the one people like best. It doesn’t fit with the episodes that came before, hell, the episodes of S4 contradict themselves. This season feels wrong, because it’s not the story that Mofftiss and co have been telling for 6 years, and everyone, even casuals and antis, knows this, if only on a subconscious level. (”by the prickling of my thumbs”, everyone?)

B) makes even more sense: ACD let Holmes’ fans think he’d died with Moriarty for 10 years, never to return again. We know they have 5 series planned, so of course there’s no point in killing Sherlock  – hence why they let us see him well and alive at the end of series 2. Instead, they’ve chosen to hit us, TJLCers, the people they’re really writing the show for, at our weakest point and our worst fear: they’re going to make us think that TJLC is dead and buried, and that we’ve been mislead and queerbaited the whole time.

So they’ve killed the show. Now they’re going to bring it back to life. 

Promise of Love, Pain of Loss, Joy of Redemption. 

It applies to John and Sherlock after Sherlock faked his death, but also to Sherlock Holmes’ fans of the Victorian era after The Final Problem, and to us, right now, after the Final Problem 2.0. ACD made fans wait 10 years. We could have to wait 1 week (I know the BBC has a new show slotted in for next Sunday, but 1) Mofftiss taught us that the media can be manipulated easily and 2) they made an entire fake season, I don’t think they’d hesitate to make a fake trailer and ask a famous actress to lie for them, especially if she happens to be in the real episode – just not as a main character obviously), or we could have to wait 3 years I believe Mofftiss are actually sadistic enough to make us wait that long, but it has a huge risk of killing their show, for real this time) for the confirmation of TJLC.

If this is true (and I can’t begin to imagine living in a world where this isn’t true), and they do end up confirming TJLC, then Mofftiss are right, and this season is truly brilliant. It’s text, over subtext, over metatext. But only then.

Either way, they’re bringing it back to life. Eventually.

Don’t give up hope just yet, please. The Game is never over.

I’m upset, okay? I’m upset.

Because I remember fucking coming alive when I started this stupid hell show, loving every bit, dying over each word. I remember blushing and feeling warm and happy at “Not really my area” and every smile, every glance.

I’m not angry yet, I haven’t reached that point. I still have some small shred of hope left in my gay soul, but for now? For now, I’m sad.

If there’s no season 5, if there’s no extra episode, if this thing runs off of queerbaiting and implied relationships, and nothing else? I’m done.

I’ve been done with Moffat for ages, but Gatiss had a chance, he did. But if this is the case, he won’t anymore.

You can’t use Oscar Wilde and Freddie Mercury, you can’t hint at love and happiness and everything they’ve hinted at, and then hide in subtleties.

I’m going to go read some stories, maybe watch some Grenada, because hey, at least that had an LGBT cast member, in the form of Jeremy Brett.

sigh

making genuine connections in your early 20s really is some rough stuff! im confident itll be okay though…it’s weird to be in several seriously alienating and unhealthy relationships in succession when you’re already the type of person to lose any sense of your own identity in other people because those types of relationships REALLY annihilate it…but i’m really pleased with my own company more and more these days. it’s been hard & i regret some things but i’m cozied up in bed just listening to music for the first time in what seems like forever and it feels good. 

Creepypasta #1005: I Already Broke My New Year’s Resolution

Length: Long

I’m not fat. Not even a little. Actually, I’m pretty underweight for my height, which is a constant battle with my primary physician who worries about eating disorders, despite the fact that I most certainly do not have one.

No, not fat. But there is a word for what I am. They call it “skinny fat.”

Okay, so what’s skinny fat? Well, it’s when someone is skinny like me, and doesn’t gain weight no matter how terribly they eat, but in return they are wildly unhealthy because they eat so poorly. That’s where I was sitting at the beginning of the year.

I’m not stupid – I KNOW that my lifestyles and habits are unhealthy. I don’t exercise. I eat like shit. And, in turn, I’m always sick. I’m always having stomach problems and feeling faint and dizzy. Physically, my life is kind of a nightmare, and I have no one to blame but myself.

So, this year, like many other people, I decided things would be different. I was going to get healthy, goddamn it. I was going to work out. I was going to eat right. And hopefully I’d see an improvement in my health.

So, I did what any other poor sucker does when their life is a mess that they have no idea how to fix it. I made it my New Year’s resolution.

I was in luck, because a new gym had just opened up in my neighborhood and they were giving out discounted memberships for the first hundred or so members. Of course, I signed up immediately. “This is perfect!” I said to myself. “If I’m spending money on a gym membership, it means that I’ll definitely go!” As if that’s ever worked for anyone.

I went to their website to sign up, and as I was perusing their options, I saw something interesting. Personal trainers.

You know, I’d never given much thought to a personal trainer before. I just assumed I wouldn’t need one – it’s not like I was going to be training for the Olympics or anything. I didn’t need to get super buff. I just wanted to feel better.

But it was an ad for their trainers that caught my eye. It read: Not sure where to start? Get tips and tools for beginners from our specially-trained personal trainers!

Well, that definitely applied to me. Now that I was thinking about it, I really didn’t know where to start. What was I going to be doing, anyway? Cardio? Weightlifting? I didn’t know how much I should be doing or how fast or anything like that. As for healthy eating, I had no idea how I was going to tackle that colossal problem. Hey, maybe a trainer could help.

And the best part was that the gym website guaranteed the first month would be free.

Well, in that case, there’s nothing to lose, I thought as I signed myself up for a trainer named George.

I wasn’t really sure what I was getting myself into when I walked into the gym on January first. To be honest, I was already feeling kind of defeated. After all, most people never keep their New Year’s resolutions. Actually, I myself rarely keep them. Wasn’t this all just an exercise in futility? Maybe I should just go home and give up before I embarrassed myself.

But no, I decided. I was going to try. At least for this first day. I had to.

First, I had to sign in at the front desk. The receptionist was a woman who was skinny like I was but had some definite musculature, and she looked… wow, she looked so happy. And my heart ached because I wanted to be like that.

“First time in a gym?” She asked as she was rummaging through her drawer looking for a card for me.

“Um… yeah,” I admitted, feeling a little foolish.

“Don’t worry,” she beamed at me, handing me my gym membership card. “I used to be just like you, actually. But then I started working out with this gym company and, believe me, everything got SO much better for me. You’re working with a trainer, right? Which one?”

“Someone named George.”

“Oh, I worked with George! You’re in for a real treat, he’s amazing and he won’t let you quit!” She smiled even wider, if that were possible, and waved me on through the doors.

That made me feel a lot better and I walked into the gym with a little more confidence, feeling as though, yes, I could actually do this.

That feeling flew out the window when I saw George.

Keep reading

16/1/17

i haven’t written in a while, so i thought i’d write about now again. my mom bought me a diary from india. i’m not planning to write in it - she wants me to introspect more, like i don’t enough as it is. constantly evaluating and reevaluating every hierarchy in my head. i bet it’s a beautiful book, though, so i wonder what i’ll do with it instead. yesterday i nearly picked up a junot diaz novel at the charity shop, but i decided against it because i could read it online. i feel that a lack of space has definitely interfered with the amount of reading i do these days.

moving on: the year is becoming kinder; it started rocky and i’m still grazed, i suppose. i feel completely underwater. i’ve no idea what i’m doing, but i don’t really need to have a clue right now. it’s okay, i think, even though everything feels like a mess. in all that, i’ve started to live for small things. one of my best friends is studying here for a semester and i get to show her this huge amazing city and welcome her into my incredible friend group. i get to walk across bridges and stare outward. i love the bridges; they are my favourite part of the place.

i think my favourite is the small kisses on the forehead and the hair, so small you wouldn’t think they happened unless you thought about it.

I understand but..

I understand why everyone is so upset over the latest episode of Sherlock but like why? Yes johnlock isn’t cannon, a lot of other things didn’t happen as well. But look at what did happen;
•the mystery of red beard was solved, •Eurus was solved,
• many other mysteries were solved, •new problems were awakened,
•mollys feelings for Sherlock are revealed,
•mrs hudson badass as ever,
•john is family to Sherlock,
•need I go on?
• lestrade • fucking Jim Moriarty It wasn’t a terrible episode, the acting was great, the plot was okay. Just because personal needs weren’t solved doesn’t mean it was not a great game.

Ok I’m just gonna try to write down what I’m thinking about…. this thing…
I mean yes, obviously no canon Johnlock but that’s not the only thing. They kept shoving it in our face that they were doing something special, something “groundbreaking” and seriously, nothing, absolutely nothing in this episode was “groundbreaking”.
Why would they do this to us? Why would they make us hyped for no reason?
It’s not fair. It’s really not fair at all.

Although I really really hate this episode. I really really really love this episode which makes me feel very conflicted. I feel like we should just remember TJLCers, that we can continue on with the stories through our own interpretations. That they are back in the flat together and are raising Rosie together. They are in love and everything will be okay because the boys are together. Together, fighting and solving crimes.
Also Mary hopes that one day they will get together.
So I will not be bashing anything anymore but I am still disappointed.
But let’s hope one day we will get the real story. Just keep believing.

Okay I feel like it almost just now hit me that my ship is canon. Like if it would have been later addressed and dismissed then it wouldn’t be, but that was it. The scene was all and the scene was canon. The fact that Molly said it back to him solidifies this, because it wasn’t just sherlock having to spout that line, he heard it from her back. Molly meant it with all of her heart and soul and you can bet your entire fleet of ships that in Sherlock’s second “I love you,” he meant it too.

They told us Sherlock was inlove. They said “love conquers all”. They tweeted pictures of elephants and quoted Oscar Wilde. They made a trailer that revolved around a love confession. They said it’d be groundbreaking, that it would be history making. They said it would be different.

It’s okay that two man chose their adaptation of the books to be about straight men and their adventures.

What is not okay is that they gave us hope for years. That they kept the fire burning just because it was convenient despite knowing how much was at stake for some of us. I can’t even imagine how the LGTQ+ community must be feeling.

The Final Problem?

Sherlock fans that think it’s okay to shit on writers of a show because you feel like you’ve been queerbaited.

Were you promised Johnlock? No. Stop calling me condescending because I have realistic expectations from a popular show. Stop calling it queerbaiting, because I’m pretty sure it was all just in your head.

Not everything has to have LGBT+ representation. And that’s coming from a pansexual trans man.

Also, don’t shit on others for having a different opinion than you/are happy about how the show ended/don’t ship Johnlock. That doesn’t make you a “true LGBT+ ally”, it makes you a dick.

PS: Didn’t the show already have canon gay characters? Irene Adler, Mrs Hudson’s married ones, the two guys that owned the pub in HoB, etc etc? What did you want? Them to fuck on screen for true representation?

PPS: I also ship Johnlock. This fanbase just disappoints me. Not all of you, just the salty ones. We’re all in this together. The show was good, right? Unless you only watched for Johnlock, which is exactly why you’re salty. I gotta say, you just hurt yourself with that one. Don’t have too high expectations. Times are changing, maybe next time LGBT representation won’t be such a problem.

Okay so Sherlock… I loved this episode and yes it had its flaws but over all I really enjoyed it.
I also want to say that all this TJLC and queer baiting is bullshit. Like I ship Johnlock and in my opinion it happened. I don’t need to see John and Sherlock kiss or have sex or say I love you to each other for it to be confirmed because they’re relationship over the course of the show confirms it for me. They have such a strong connection like christ John made Sherlock feel emotions, without John, Sherlock would be nothing like he is today. Sherlock considers John part of his family and more important than other family members. Sherlock would and has given his life to save John on many an occasion. Plus they are LITERALLY RAISING A CHILD TOGETHER. They’ve gone through there ups and downs like a real relationship and if the show writers did pull of making them kiss or proper romantic I don’t think I’d like it cause that’s not what there relationship is about. It’s a true emotional connection that is very hard to create and is done masterfully in this show (apart from six thatchers cause WTF even was that) and I’m very glad for it.
Apologies for this enormous post

For All The Shocked TJLCers

Okay this is a freakin’ long post I must warn you:

This post is for all the Johnlockers who feels betrayed by the end of S4 ep 03
For all the TJLCers who are currently angry with this ending.

Remember, what’s so fun about shipping some “non-canon” (because it is canon) ships, particularly when we are Sherlockians?
That’s right, it’s finding all those little proofs that this OTP is clearly real.

The Johnlock ship was and will always be for us like a case for Sherlock. Once we saw it, we wanted it to happen, to solve it.
We found all the hints, made-up a whole shitload of fantastic theories and we had a lot of fun, but we also had a lot of bad moments.

But… What happens to Sherlock once a case is solved? He’s bored.
And what do you think would’ve happened to us if Johnlock actually became openly canon?

Of course we would all be happy af for the rest of our lives, but eventually, we would be a bit bored.
Because when everything is canon, theories and hints are useless.

If I take for example the YoI (Yuri!!! On Ice) fandom. At first the canon gay relationship between the two principal characters was amazing, revolutionary and very new.
I’m not saying it isn’t anymore, I’m saying that it has become a bit boring now, there isn’t any theory or headcanon on this fandom, because the canon changes it all.

Mofftiss understand all of this. They knew from the beginning that most of the fun we had was because of this mystery over the ship. We even named it after this fun! The JohnLock Conspiracy!

What would’ve become of TJLC if it was officially canon? Who needs a conspiracy when it’s true? Have you ever seen a conspiracy on the fact that the water we drink is liquid? No! Because it’s a known fact!

Mofftiss did not Queerbait us, they just saved TJLC.

(Even if in order to do that, they killed a part of Johnlock (and our hearts))


PS: I said “officially canon” in this message because it is (from my point of view) already canon. They just didn’t say it out loud.
I mean, if it wasn’t canon, why would Sherlock chose John every single time?
-He chose John over Mycroft’s life
-He chose John over his sister’s freedom
-He chose John over the little girl on the plane
-He choses John over the city that has been crashed by the plane
-He choses John over his own freedom
-He choses John over his career
-He choses John over his reputation
-He choses John’s “innocence” over his own
-He choses John’s safety over his own
-He choses John’s safety and comfort over the trust and relationship they had built over the years
-He choses John’s life over his own more than once (a shitload of time)

He has always choses John and he will always choose him.
Like he says:
“It’s Always You, John Watson”

PPS: Don’t forget that they now live together with a kid….
Not that I’m implying anything buuut….

anonymous asked:

my sister came out of the closet because she thought it was so cool how sherlock could be gay, and that means it okay for her to be gay too. she adores him, but she is crying so much right now

that’s so sad. i’m so, so sorry for your sister. i hope she’s okay. please tell her i’m rooting for her and that i hope she feels better soon. 💕