this is awful i'm sorry but i love this movie too much

Do You Have A Points Card

The unnecessary grocery store au that no one asked for



Chloe didn’t mean to notice her. She really doesn’t pay much attention to the customers she rings through. The regulars become vaguely familiar to her, coming through her till once in a while. Chloe didn’t mean to but the small brunette somehow only came through her till. Chloe’s only human, it’s not her fault that she finds plaid and eyeliner attractive.

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battlefieldheart  asked:

20 years after i said i was gonna send this....okay I'm all for Noah headcanons if you wanna because I need more Noah Czerny in my life. And like....if you wanna do a name aesthetic, hi hello my name is Caitlin and I'm awful at picking my favorite anything including color but if I had to make an educated guess...purple.

bitch,, i love noah czerny it’s lit let’s do this

  • noah is really fucking good at skating but would die on a ripstick
  • he was low key a stoner in school (not like one of those annoying people who know way too fuckin much about weed but he just always seemed to have a joint on him)
    • he watched harry potter high when it came out and it freaked him tf out so he wouldn’t see the others despite whelk wanting to
  • absolutely terrible with plants. he follows all the instructions to a tee but somehow they never last
  • he loves loves loves disney movies, he knows all the easter eggs and the obscure trivia
  • once let his sister pierce his nose in their bathroom at 2am
    • speaking of which? his sister is his best friend
    • he’s always been kinda dorky and sweet so he got picked on as a kid and sister has fought people for him numerous times
    • she’s his hero and he loves her so much
    • every time he’s home they yell out a goodbye to their mom and duck out to go spend the day together walking around the city, talking, buying street food, and catching up. it’s the only time they don’t have curfew bc mom knows by now there’s no use when they lose track of time chatting and hanging out
    • why is noah always playing with blue’s hair? his sister’s hair grew long and he’d braid and style it for her ever day while she was brushing her teeth before school
  • noah loves dandelions because he thinks theyre brave for growing through sidewalk cracks
  • he didn’t have a lot of friends growing up because he was always flitting between groups of people, always excited about something but never sticking around long
  • it’s the promise of a magical wish that gets noah to stick around whelk because honestly, what’s more exciting then waking an ages old welsh king?
  • he called whelk “barry” and was the only one allowed to. whelk had a weird fondness for noah (outshone by his greed, yes, but it was there) that no one at aglionby understood. whelk literally looked down on everyone, but for some reason the hyperactive part time stoner with a habit of skipping class to chase butterflies caught his attention and kept it. somehow, noah’s intensely bright personality balanced out whelk’s dour one. 
  • he swears he’s seen mothman
    • “noah mothman is in west virginia…and he isn’t even real….”
    • I meant what I said”
  • who can honestly be bothered to tie their shoes he definitely knots his laces on every pair he owns so he can just slip them on
  • mint candies are his absolute favorite thing on the planet, but peaceful fun-loving noah would actually Commit Homicide for thin mints
    • whelk has definitely given noah Apology Thin Mints when noah called him out for being a little too much of a dick
  • all the seniors are kind of in love with him?? like they all love him and say hi to him all the time. there’s a varsity football player that gives noah rides on his shoulders, the guys on the swim team with him are always giving him bear hugs in the hallways or sharing their snacks at meets
  • he’s got a cracked tooth from the one (1) time he tried ice skating
  • LOVES the beach so much oh my god. the amount of times he dragged whelk to the beach only to be in the water and running around in the sand by himself while whelk was grumpily parked by a dune with a huge book
  • so……..all in all, noah was very loved. 
  • when he went missing it went like this:
    • the swim team was putting up posters everywhere
    • his sister and mom were at the police station every day for weeks
    • whelk didn’t show up to school for a week and by the time he came back he’d lost a considerable amount of weight. he refused to speak to noah’s sister or mother. his statement to the police was that they were to meet after school, but noah never showed
    • the most solid piece of evidence henrietta pd had was an officer calling in that there might be a car fitting the description of the one missing along with noah. the recording cuts out after what sounds like a second voice (many voices?) whispering.
  • when henrietta pd declared him presumed dead it went like this:
    • raven boy blue goes black for the rest of the year in remembrance of noah czerny
    • anyone who tries to express their condolences to his closest known friend, whelk, is lucky if they meet silence, and unlucky if he instead decides to rip them a new one for deigning to speak to him.
    • his mother and sister go home and bury an empty casket with the rest of their family
    • the swim team drops out of the state tournament. they refuse to do it without noah, and the coach doesn’t blame them.
    • teachers find their eyes drawn to his empty seat, waiting for his hand in the hair, waiting for him to be incessantly tapping his pencil, waiting for his spot to not be empty, because it doesn’t feel right that he’s gone
  • noah doesn’t really know that he’s noah until gansey and ronan finally get through the sticky broken door into monmouth
  • but then in walks a king and a dreamer and noah isn’t a shadow anymore, he’s a soul, he’s solid, he’s part of something again until the day he gives himself again for gansey but it’s okay, because this time around he’s not just a town legend or warning. 
  • he’s a friend, remembered.
Valentine’s Day Love Languages: Receiving Gifts

You stared at the small box in your hands. It contained a necklace. Not a fancy, expensive one or anything (after all, Jonathan could only do so much), but a nice one nonetheless. It was the fourth gift you had received from him in the last month and while you loved your boyfriend with all of your heart, the box felt heavy in your hands. And it wasn’t because the necklace itself was heavy.

Jonathan Byers was very inexperienced in the realm of dating. Apparently not every girl in the small town of Hawkins was hot for a lanky, shy introvert whose hands were practically glued to his camera. So when you waltzed into his life and eventually into his heart, he wasn’t sure how to take it.

Do most people like holding hands? Is something supposed to happen on movie dates? What about kissing on the first date, was that alright?

As much as these questions plagued Jonathan, he lived in fear of how much embarrassment he thought he’d be plagued by if he asked you any of these. You weren’t necessarily someone who got around, but between the two of you, two official boyfriends and one crush that went nowhere was comparatively far more experienced, even if you never went beyond a simple make-out session with either of them. You therefore found yourself less upset and more amused when you later learned that he turned to Nancy for advice. The end result?

“Well, people like to get gifts,” Nancy shrugged. “I’d say maybe start the first date off with a bouquet or something – nothing major, y’know?” She then quickly added, “It helps if it’s something from the heart, though.”

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anonymous asked:

Hey! So idk if you're taking requests but on the off chance that you are, do you have any more headcanons for the YouTube au? I enjoyed the first one sooo much and now I'm way too invested - like would Marinette ever make a channel? Alya? Nino? (P.s. Congrats on finishing tangled ribbons dude!!! It was unbelievably cute and well written and fun and ahhh I've got a lot of love for it!)


(i had a bunch of these written down a While Ago but i forgot about them rip im sorry) also??? i cant believe i finished tangled ribbons?? constantly in awe that thats done 

part one

  • adrien covering ed sheeran songs
    • this is super random but i think it’s important
    • (this was written before the new album but my point stands)
  • nino helps adrien set up a better mic system once he finds out about the youtube thing
    • it becomes a Thing™️️ where they get together and talk about tech and adrien will film a video or two and then they’ll sit on the couch and watch movies or binge anime and pig out on ice cream
    • they keep doing it once adrien is just as well versed in audio equipment as nino is
  • nino geeks out over adrien’s camera
  • adrien totally gets the camera that ninos been eying for ages when he needs to replace his, because nino helps him with recording so often. nino almost cries when he first holds it

(this got kinda long)

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anonymous asked:

Omg I read your initial reactions post to cmbyn and now I'm even more psyched than ever for the movie!! If you don't mind, can you describe some of the touches that happen in the movie to show the progression of their relationship? Actions often speak louder than words. I'm wondering how their internal feelings and conflicts are shown thru body language. Thx so much!!

I’M GLAD YOU’RE EXCITED!! I’m going to answer this because I’m #robsessed with this movie but @people pls stop sending me asks about the sex scenes I’m not going to answer them LMAO. if you want to know movie deetz just message me off anon or my friends will murder me for continually posting spoilers (I’m awful I love spoiling stuff). 


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anonymous asked:

You have the best Cole headcannons! Could I have some more ghost Cole ones? (Preferably with angst. Like, I want to cry)

 AKHDBGAKGD THANK :D I gotchu fam I’ll do my best

I’ll start off with some not so angsty ones

  • while Lloyd was having a rest after the events of season 5 bc he very much deserves a rest, they would rotate who would lead depending on their area of expertise.
    • ghost cole is like heck ya I got this I can do anything I can’t die i’m a ghost
    • Wu: under no circumstances are you to do the thing. None. Do you understand? Just don’t do it.
      Cole: got it. Don’t do the thing. Never do the thing no matter what. Totally get it.
      Wu: good. *leaves*
      Cole: *turns to ninja* ok so we’re gonna do the thing
  • because ghosts can’t die he can jump from one of the windows in Yang’s temple and not get hurt, and when he turns human he forgets that it’s actually dangerous now that he has like, bones
    • he breaks both his ankles trying to parkour is what I’m saying ://
    • good news though I also headcanon that because of his connection to earth and its strength he actually has a much quicker recovery time than others
  • “hey see if Ouija boards will work with me” “Cole you’re… already here I can see you i’m talking to you that’s not the point of Ouija boards”
  • kai eats his last slice of cake?? will posses every kitchen appliance they have at 3am when kai wakes up to get a snack to scare him
  • he pretends that he can talk to and see other ghosts that the others can’t
    • Jay: *is talking*
      Cole: *eyes widen* Lisa no… 
      Jay: … what? 
      Cole: Lisa no don’t do that to Jay! STOP NO HE DOESN’T DESERVE THAT

ok now some angsty ones, and a fair warning that some of it does get pretty angsty and a lil dark so please don’t read it if that’s gonna get to you

  • when Cole doesn’t know what to do he’ll turn to food, and before he became a ninja he had an eating disorder that he worked through because he had the love and support of his friends
    • but when he’s a ghost he can’t even get a hold of anything let alone eat something
    • so the one thing that gives him comfort is now gone
    • when he can eventually control his body he just eats and eats and eats and then eats some more
    • cause he can touch stuff but he can’t feel anything
    • and he knows his eating habits would be unhealthy were he not a ghost but he doesn’t have the will to care
    • you can’t look me in the eye and tell me that he can eat an entire cake filled with tools and not even realise that there were tools in there, and then say the boy doesn’t have an eating problem
    • he reeeeeeeeeeeally struggles to adjust his diet when he becomes human as a result, but he has Zane and Kai to help him with that cause they’re the health nerds in the team 
  • he avoids Jay as much as he can to start with, because of the two of them Cole is always the strongest and is there for him. He can’t bear for Jay to see him like this so he shuts him out and Jay is really hurt because he has no idea why
    • he starts to think that Cole blames him for him becoming a ghost, because Jay was the one who he was tied to directly in the temple
    • he starts to think that maybe if he hadn’t been so selfish and worried about himself over the team, and had just listened to Cole when he yelled that he’d dropped the scroll, none of this would have happened
    • or maybe he could’ve helped him, and sure he would’ve been a ghost too but at least he’d be working though it with his best friend
    • of course when Cole and Jay talk about this Cole is like “Jay wth are you talking about why would any of this be your fault” but it’s… not nice in the beginning
  • he always feels like a liability on missions because everyone is focused on protecting him and making sure he’s a-ok instead of what they should be doing
    • especially since Nya still doesn’t have such good control of her powers so will be firing water around at enemies like there’s no tomorrow, and if Cole isn’t alert he almost gets hit
    • a lot of Lloyd’s time is spent keeping Cole in an energy forcefield, which keeps him safe and gives Lloyd as little to do as possible so he can ease back into it 
  • he also doesn’t want to tell his dad because his dad never wanted him to be a ninja and he promised him he wouldn’t get hurt and he already lost his mum and it would hurt him so much if he lost Cole too and how is Lou supposed to explain to people that his son is a ghost and-
    • now Lou is an actor, ok? He’s distraught and he’s sobbing when he first sees Cole but he loves him more than anything and he’ll be damned if he’s going to make Cole feel worse, so he keeps it together for his boy
    • Jay has to come with him cause Cole can’t do it on his own and he’s crying so much he can’t speak, so Jay explains what happens for him
  • the guys have to keep really close tabs on him at all times to start with because they all know how easy it would be for him to just walk into some water and that would be the end of it all
    • so they make sure he’s never alone but try not to treat him any differently and it does help him feel a little better
  • there’s a whole number of people he could blame for this happening, he could blame Ronin for sending them there, he could blame Jay for sending them to the furthest part of the temple to chase fake Morro into an attic, he could blame Kai for having a fear of water and not being able to get the original scroll from Morro in Stixx in the first place, he could blame Yang for being a sicko and wanting to imprison them all, the list continues
    • but that’s not healthy for the team and it’s so much easier for him to internalise the blame and say it’s because he can’t lead, it’s because he tied them together, it’s because he dropped the scroll
    • he’ll say Jay was right all that time ago, that he is the least valuable member of the team. So it’s best that it happened to him and not one of the others because he’s expendable.
  • he can’t go anywhere near Lloyd
    • Cole is a ghost and he has black hair and guess who else was a ghost with black hair
    • Lloyd still sees Morro sometimes and he has nightmares about it so he’ll get super edgy around Cole
    • he knows Cole would never hurt him but he really does look an awful lot like Morro to him sometimes and every time he looks at him it reminds him of what happened and the things Morro did to him and threatened to do to the people he loves
    • the last thing Cole wants to do is hurt Lloyd and make things worse so he keeps himself in his room for a week or two until Lloyd goes on a little holiday with Misako
  • He used to love rain and it relaxed him, his dad used to take him out in it and dance and play, so now that he can’t just sit in rain and chill or mess around with his buds it makes him sad.
  • he eventually comes to terms with it and as we see all is well and he can do so many things, so when he becomes human again he feels completely useless 
    • everyone thought what he could do was cool and the team all had a big need for his abilities, and now that he can’t do those things anymore he feels completely expendable again and like he’s not special and can’t offer anything
    • queue a cuddle pile and lots of head smooches and dens and movie nights

Ask me ninjago headcanons!

madd-mcgeeky  asked:

HEEEY IT ME! *I am in denial! I am soo fuccing busy!!* I'm not sure if you've done this yet, but could you do some Swerve, Cygate, Rodimus, and Rung and how their S/o reacts to seeing them in their holomatters? Thankys! you're doing a more than awesome job! (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

Hello my friend! You’ve come to visit my blog, thank you so much.

Can I just say how much I love these bots? Their avatars (the updated/Swearth ones are what I’m going off of for this) are so damn gorgeous too. Tailgate’s throws me off, but he’s a cutie in a little kid way. But holy shit the rest are so hot! Rodimus, Rung, and Swerve are my favorite out of all the avatars we get to see. So I got super cheesy with this request, I’m sorry. XD 

Also for anyone confused, I do consider a ship one ‘character’ in my five character limit. I went with she/her pronouns for Cygate btw because of their avatars. :) So anyway I hope you like this sugar~! 


  • His s/o is immediately excited when they learn Swerve has a holomatter avatar. A chance to fully hug their hubby, hell yes! They get caught up in their imagination quickly. Swerve on the other hand, is noticeably nervous. Even if the two have been dating for a while he still sometimes struggles with his low self esteem and wonders to himself how he got so lucky. He’s afraid that his s/o will see what he looks like as a human and think he’s ugly.

  • So his s/o has to work to convince him to show them. Please Swerve they love you. After a lot of persuading, praises and kisses to his face plate, Swerve finally gives in. His s/o at first just stands there standing there with an open mouth and Swerve’s thoughts start going downhill. Oh no, they don’t like it! He’s just about to deactivate it when his s/o suddenly runs at him, causing them both to tumble to the ground. They leave kisses all over his face again in their happiness, unable to help themselves.

  • The two lay on the ground together for a while, Swerve listening in surprise and awe as for once his s/o is the one that can’t shut up.They go on and on about how cute (and hot) he is, how much they love his holomatter avatar. But not just that, how much they love him, no matter what form he’s in. They end the night playing video games, trying to beat one another while laughing a lot. Then they watch a movie while just cuddling together, spark & heart light and filled with love.


  • Their s/o is obviously really surprised that these two have holomatter avatars. Well, more so Cyclonus, she just doesn’t seem like the type who would care to have an avatar. They’d understand better once they were told the story of Swearth and are thrilled that Cyclonus and Tailgate are willing to show them this. It’s a big deal and makes them feel trusted~

  • Tailgate is also super excited because she wants to spend some time with her s/o as a human! It’ll be lots of fun! Cyclonus is just glad there won’t be a chance of squishing her human s/o for a little while. The moment of reveal is pretty dramatic thanks to Tailgate acting as if it’s a magic show. Cyclonus is calmer and brings Tailgate down a little bit but she can admit to herself that she’s strangely worried about what their s/o will think. Luckily for them, their s/o loves their avatars!

  • They think Cyclonus’ outfit is so cool and that awesome purple hair! And Tailgate - you’re adorable! There’s a lot of relief and sweet hugs. They spend the rest of the day doing some activities they normally can’t together, like playing games (Cyclonus does occasionally join in because she’s in a good mood). There’s also a lot of gentle, affectionate touching because Tailgate has to be held, but also it’s nice to be the same size for once. Tailgate and the human end up falling asleep in Cyclonus’ arms at the end of the night, Cyclonus smiling to herself.


  • Both Rodimus and his s/o are ridiculous when it comes to finally seeing his holomatter avatar. They have a random dance party (only them dancing because everyone else is like wtf) in their anticipation. After wearing themselves out and just generally being nerds, Rodimus finally shows them his avatar. He has his s/o close their eyes for this moment and his s/o is just bouncing on their feet because of how eager they are. Rodimus are you ready yet, jeez?!

  • They immediately start giggling when they can finally uncover their eyes. At first, Rodimus is startled, wondering why his s/o is laughing at him. Does he look that bad? He thought the tattoo was cool … But his s/o is wrapping their arms around him in a tight hug only a moment later. They’re still giggling as they explain how cute he is, but that he looks like he came from the 80’s. They like it though~ Both start really laughing after Rodimus suggests they put on some human disco music and dance again.


  • They spend most of the day after that running around the ship messing with others. Rodimus likes being smaller because he can slip away faster and so they do a lot of pranks and almost get stepped on several times. Not that it stops them honestly. When they finally get in trouble and have to stop, they head back to his habsuite. If his s/o has tattoos, they are Tattoo Buddies™. But either way, they spend the night mostly making out and cuddling because wow his s/o is just so soft and beautiful. .


  • Rung’s not the one to bring up showing off his holomatter avatar or even having one. He doesn’t even think about it until his s/o hears from some other bots that these exist. They go to him, assuring him that he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to, but they’d love to see his avatar. There’s a brief moment of hesitation on his end. His avatar has been updated and fits him much better but there was still a nagging feeling of concern that his s/o wouldn’t like it. He gets over it quickly though because well, this is his s/o. They love him and he knows it.


  • When they first see his avatar, they’re astounded. Wow, Rung you look so - so - so cool!! They’re rushing to check him out and complimenting him all the while. They love his outfit (seriously that’s bad ass) and his red hair. Oh how they love his red hair, they mess it up a little with their hands in their elation. But after they calm down a little, they’re just happy to be able to hug him. For a moment, these two just stand there, holding each other tightly.

  • Rung enjoys seeing his s/o so upbeat. Though they’re too small too work on his model ships, he had gotten them some smaller ones a while back. They put one together, working side by side, and neither one can keep the smile off their face. It’s really nice to be able to reach over and run his fingers through his s/o’s hair without possibly hurting them. After that, they either listen to music or read together, just relaxing together and holding hands.


Ikon reaction to you love wearing his hoodie

anonymous’s ask: hi! can i request an ikon reaction to you love wearing his hoodie? thanks ^^

authors note - thanks for requesting! @hwarinnie sorry this took a while….

feed back is appreciated    

B.I - 

“It’s so cold,” B.I said “I’ll be back I'm going to get a hoodie”

“OK B.I I’ll get one too”

B.I went to his room and into his closet. He grabbed a hoodie and came back to you. When he saw you it took him a few moments before he realized the hoodie you were wearing was his.

“Hey um how many of my hoodies do you have?” B.I asked you

“Only 2 I swear but I love wearing them! It reminds me of you and it smells like you, overall it’s comforting when you leave to go on tour…”  you confessed to B.I

B.I looked at you but he couldn’t resist how cute you were being.

“Fine, you can take them”

You two just sat back down on the couch and put on a movie while cuddling.

Originally posted by hanbin-i-kon


“Baby, are you almost ready we might be late if aren’t,” Bobby called out to you

“yeah I’m ready I will be coming out now!” you told him while unplugging your phone from charging and then looked the mirror. Today you decided to go out in Bobby’s hoodie. After brushing your clothes you walked towards your awaiting boyfriend and smiled.

“That hoodie looks familiar where did you get it?” Bobby asked you.

“Your closet….” You answered honestly and started walking out the door

“My closet? is that new…. WAIT A DINGLE ZINGLE BERRY SECOND,” 

Bobby ran to catch up with you. He just grabbed your wrist and spun you around. 

“ You can take it you look flawless,” Bobby says as he kissed your forehead.

“Thanks but I already did take it, I love wearing them…that’s why I have 5 more of your hoodies” 

“Hah hah… wait what”

Originally posted by ygboys-ot11


“Why are you wearing my hoodie?” Junhoe asked you. 

you had JUST walked out of your room with his hoodie on and that’s the first thing he says.

“Wow, well I'm wearing it cause’ I’m cold. Is that a problem?” You answered

“Yes you have your own hoodies why are you taking mine?”

“Mate, I do it because I can and I will”

“but Y/N this the fourth time you’ve taken my hoodies”

“I know….. can I keep them please eee eee”

“ugh you are lucky you are cute and I love you or else I wouldn’t have let you”

“Thank you Junhoe, I love you!!!”

“Greasy…I cringed!”

Junhoe kissed you passionately on your lips. Then you guys walked out of the house to go on your date.

Originally posted by sftmx


Donghyuk was just minding his business until you came outta the shower. He looked your way and he felt blessed by the sight. He dramatically put his hand on his chest right over his pounding heart. But once he realized you are wearing his hoodie, donghyuk got so shy.

“hey baby- wow ok, um alright here did you get my hoodie from?” donghyuk asked while being very flustered

“Your closet duh doy! don’t you recognize your own hoodie?” you replied with some sass

“you know my heart can’t handle this Y/N… why do you want me to suffer??”

“I know you can’t that’s exactly why I do it!”

“That’s kinda evil Y/N…… I love you so much though”

“aw www eee I love you too but more”


“so possible”

Donghyuk pulled you into a hug by your waist. kissing you very passionately.

Originally posted by princedonghyuk


You guys were at the nearest clothing store currently. while you were in the changing room Yunhyeong was still looking around. He still hadn’t noticed you were wearing his hoodie. Once you exited the dressing room and walked to him all he was greet you.

“Hey babe do you notice anything?” you asked him hoping that he’d notice.

“Yes, you have the same hoodie as me in the same color and size, couple hoodie?” he told you still with no realization that the hoodie is.

“Baby this hoodie is yours, I love wearing your hoodies so I] took one to remember you while you go on tour or aren’t with me.”  you started blushing when he smiled and started laughing while touching your cheek.

“omo you are too pure for this world I swear! You can have as many hoodies as you want.“ Yunhyeong was overjoyed that you love him so much.

He dragged you out of the store and all the way home. Immediately went straight to his closet and told you to take whatever you want. <3 <3

Originally posted by teambgasm


Jinhwan had just entered your house all sweaty. He had just come back from practice and wanted to you. He brought clothes so he can shower at your place. 

“Hey, babe I’m going to shower if you don’t mind?” Jinhwan asked you.

“that’s fine go ahead!” You yelled back at him.

Jinhwan took a quick shower and got dressed then came to you and was stunned by you.

“My hoodie looks better on you than it does on me -.- like always” Jinhwan immediately says.

 “thank you bubs, can I keep this one along with the others?” You questioned

  “k….wait others???” 

You two just relaxed on the bed cuddling. drifting into sleep….

Originally posted by bobhwa


“So you are obsessed with me now?” Chanwoo asked you

“what? I’m your girlfriend and wanted to wear your hoodie” you answered

 “You have no hoodies?”

“I do but yours are better….”

“Ummm this is the second time you weirdo….”

“Excuse you Mr. but I just miss you and I want something to remember you”

“Ok, you can have them butttttt you have to buy me food!”

“ ._. “


“fine chanwoo fine, you are the reason why I am broke”

“ and you are the reason why I don’t have hoodies”

“you right you right”

then Chanwoo and you left to go eat. Of course, you were paying.

Originally posted by ygboys-ot11

Hope you enjoyed that!! If you didn’t you can always request this again!!!!!

-Admin Jamz

anonymous asked:

What are some oq fics that you would recommend?

okay i took the greatest of care selecting what matters most to me. i also categorized as best as i could so it wouldn’t look like a mess of links i was just throwing at you – even though they’re all pretty much complete AUs, but i also attempted to summarize to help. bc you’re worth it, nonnie. 

that being said, i’ve been awake since 2 in the morning, so i for sure forgot a lot of fics, and this is probably still a mess. regardless, this will be my oq fic rec masterpost that i will add more to when i’m not so tired.

- ̗̀ modern AUs  ̖́-

sunny side up (by @queen-of-the-merry-men, in-progress) - robin asks regina for her eggs during breakfast one day, but it turns out he means the baby-making kind. this fic’s still getting started, but it’s so adorable so far, and i’m so in love with how this person writes platonic bffs robin and regina, it’s so sweet and enjoyable to read while you wait for them to realize they’re in love with each other <3 

what would they say (by @queen-of-the-merry-men, in-progress) - aka (bc i gotta warn you) the most epic slowburn to ever slowburn. like, some people try to give that trophy to other fics, but i strongly disagree bc i definitely count fic years, and boiiiii. i don’t even know how to summarize this… the gist, regina falls in love with the husband of her late best friend. the long, regina goes through some serious shit (including her best friend dying), and robin’s a real supportive guy, a good boy (who also goes through some shit i.e. his wife dying), and they fall in love <33 also, more platonic bffs by the same writer <33

you’ve got mail (by @gray-autumn-sky, complete) - based on the movie (that i will watch one day), robin and regina become pen pals, not knowing they hate each other in real life. you know you can’t resist an enemies-to-lovers trope, bc no one can resist an enemies-to-lovers trope. and it’s written by tara, a quality person, so there. tbh i don’t know how to properly flail about how much i love this oneshot without spoiling it, so just know that i do, and should the day come that more is added to this verse i will spontaneously combust.

time just flies, but i still carry on (by @robinwright, in-progress) - idk how to summarize this without spoiling. to put it vaguely, robin’s an asshole and four years later he’s back to fix his mistakes. i just feel assaulted by this fic, and i need cassie to formally apologize for it (through a prequel and a happy sequel please <3).

baby gates and deadbolts (by @x-wishes-on-fallen-stars-x, in-progress) - regina meets a baby roland at the store, and he approves of her hair. adorable, with undertones of emo bc it’s gabi. but it’s sweet, and full of parent OQ, which i’m always weak for.

eye of the beholder (by @mysterious-song, in-progress) - a blind robin falls in love with regina’s voice. this fic is so sweetly written, i’m just in silent awe. it’s beautiful. i want more so bad.

the song that summer sings (by @writtenndust, in-progress) - movie-star regina walks into robin’s humble bookstore, and wholesome love happens. you have no idea how far up this fic’s ass i am. i’m so in love. it’s so adorable. like, why am i still talking? why are you still here reading this? go read the fic. already read it? read it again.

- ̗̀ supernatural AUs  ̖́-

fallen (by @dee-thequeenbee, in-progress) - demons. fallen angels, actually, walking the earth, fucking shit up. of course regina’s one of them. and of course robin’s gotta get in her way. this concept is so cool, i love that this fic exists, and i can’t wait to see it progress <33

wild hearts (by @regal-pixiedust, in-progress) - amidst a zombie apocalypse, regina meets the survival group of robin, henry, roland, and david, and together they try not to die. stressful af, but there’s a healthy dose of regal believer in here, too, so it’s worth it.

broken souls (by @regal-pixiedust, in-progress) - regina can see dead people. she used to help ghosts move on in her younger days, and robin’s newly dead wife insists she gets back into the hobby. this fic is a wild ride from start to almost-finish, and i’ve loved every second of it.

- ̗̀ historical/magical AUs  ̖́-

happiness can’t be arranged (by @gray-autumn-sky, in-progress) - set in some time period that’s not now (i don’t know history, sorry tara), robin and regina are forced to marry each other. basically you read this fic and alternate between NOW KISS and wondering when robin and regina’s parents are finally going to die. but it’s also some quality hood-mills family stuff, and it gets even more adorable by the chapter, so you’re welcome <33

in sickness and in health (by @mysterious-song, complete) - a memory-loss AU (i, am trash for memory loss AUs. there aren’t enough of them). an adorable oneshot of robin waking up in the hospital to a pretty lady, whom he immediately wishes he was married to. his wish comes true. i love this oneshot so much, it’s so cute, and i wish every day that there was more <33

oq prompt party: sabrina au (by @lala-kate) - based on the movie sabrina. assuming bad intentions, robin tries to romance regina away from his infatuated brother in order to protect their family’s fortune. he falls in love with her instead. i first read this while i was not in a good enough mindset to reblog (and i’m sorry about that), but i fell in love. i would give a limb for this to continue. whatever you want.

not unless you wish it (by @miladylocksley, in-progress) - after a heist, robin finds a genie lamp amongst his new possessions, and out pops regina. you know when fics just kinda stay with you? and their existence just pops into your head randomly? that’s this fic. every now and then my brain is just like ‘remember the genie au?’ i do, brain. i do.

- ̗̀ canon-divergent AUs  ̖́-

from the missing pages (by @gray-autumn-sky, complete) - a page 23 AU. baby regina walks into the tavern that night, and meets robin. the only page 23 au that matters to me (the only one i’ve read fully, but whatever). it’s sweet, it’s stressful, and it makes for a nice reread every now and then <33

oq allergy-verse (by @gray-autumn-sky) - two super adorable s3-AU baby ficlets, here and here. regina, soulmate to her forest-bound thief, is allergic to trees. and robin’s gotta deal with that heartbreak. tbh i’m just hoping that if i keep talking about this tiny verse, tara will continue to add to it, so here we are <3

tethered (by @repellomuggletum15, in-progress) - s5 AU. instead of dying, robin somehow ends up trapped in the future, with his only connection to the present being the robin hood book. a cute (and frustrating) fix-it fic for the end of s5.

chimera (by @revolutionsoftheheart, in-progress) - post-s5 AU. zelena dies, and regina’s left to raise baby peanut. five-year-old baby peanut decides to scare the shit out of her aunt with her new imaginary friend. this fic is painful, and it hurts too. but i’m so intrigued as to where jakie’s planning to take it, so i’m here. hurting.

- ̗̀ holiday AUs  ̖́-

actually, love (by @revolutionsoftheheart, complete) - a snow storm leaves robin no other choice than to spend christmas with his ex, regina. this fic right here is the main reason this category exists. i love it so much. <33

ethereal (by @revolutionsoftheheart, complete) - two strangers meet in their dreams, and fall in love. basically jakie’s the queen of holiday one-shots. this is everything i could’ve wanted and more, and i’m still so happy she wrote it <33

the christmas exclusive (by @repellomuggletum15, complete) - reporter regina will do anything for the latest scoop on the locksley family, but accidentally falls for one of them in the process. a fun read for the holidays <3

i hope this list is in any way beneficial <33

anonymous asked:

hi, new to your blog so i don't know if you've done this, but a fic based on the au where michael goes blind after the fire?

Ok so before I post this I wanna say I am so sorry that this is so awful and if you wanna send me something to help me fix it go ahead.

Here it is:

“Dude why the hell is Braille so hard to read?”

Jeremy sighed, “I could just read a book to you if you’d like?”

Michael was pacing the room with a book in his hand, his fingers scanning the pages as he practiced reading Braille.

“No way, I gotta learn to read this myself, you feel? I just don’t get why they couldn’t just make the dots form actual letters…”

“I’m sure there’s a reason- and can you stop pacing? You’re making me nervous.”

Michael rolled his eyes behind his glasses, and made his way towards Jeremy’s voice. He waved his waking stick around, whacking Jeremy in the knee in the process.

“Ow! Dude- careful! I swear you do that on purpose sometimes.”

Michael chuckled, “of course not, not to my best buddy” he plopped down on the couch next to him.

Jeremy sighed, his face was completely drained of joy. All he could think about was the Michael was blind. It happened after the fire, Michale had gotten trapped inside the bathroom that he left him in. Let’s just say the ambulance had to drag him out. He’s got a nasty scar on his face, arm, and a bit of his chest too, but the worst one had to be his lack of vision. At first Jeremy used to catch himself whenever he got upset around Michael, he would always know Jeremy was upset the second his eyebrow twitched. But now Jeremy learned that as long as you keep your tone up, Michael can’t know. It’s cruel to let Michael be ignorant through his damn injury that he caused, but he can’t help it.

“So you’ve got any plans for today?”

Jeremy hummed, “nah…I look like shit.”

“Well as a gay, you look pretty great.”

Jeremy would have blushed, but honestly he just couldn’t. “You can’t even see me dude…”

“Yeah but I remember, how could I forget? I really don’t think you’ll change till maybe thirty.”

Jeremy simply hummed again. It was awkward now, there were so many things they couldn’t do anymore. They couldn’t game, roller skate, go for a drive, watch movies. It really seemed like the only things they could do was…get high.

Michael leaned against Jeremy’s shoulder. “Stop sulking man.”

“I’m not.”

“Hey now…it’s alright. This totally blows man.”

This totally blows.

When Michael had woken up in the ambulance, Jeremy was right there. He’d gotten the call from Jake, who was yelling about a fire and injury but all he heard was “Michael” and “ambulance” at the time. It wasn’t until he was in the hospital that Jenna explained via text what really went down. And god did Jeremy feel bad.

Jeremy had already heard the news, that chances were Michael couldn’t see anymore. He crossed his fingers for some kind of miracle. And then Michael woke up.

“Michael? Buddy? Hey yeah look…open-open your eyes!!”

He gave a strained smile as he stood over Michael. The latter peeled his eyes open as though dry glue were keeping them together. He groaned, “shit…everything hurts what the fuck…”

“Hey Mike! How you feeling?”

“Jeremy?” His eyes lazily scanned the room but focused on nothing. Jeremy knew before his heart could drop, the discoloration in his eyes said it all.

Michael sat up quickly, banging his head into Jeremy’s.

“Michael hey calm-”

“Holy shit I can’t- I can’t see!! Jeremy why can’t I see!? What the fuck it going on?! I can’t– I cant!!” Michael was instantly in a state of panic, his hands clawing at his face in a way that haunted Jeremy’s dreams.

Jeremy grabbed his wrists, “calm down!! Calm down… it’s gonna be ok!”

“Jeremy I can’t fucking see and you think-”

“I know I know I’m sorry, just take a deep breath and I’ll explain everything ok.”

It was hard to ignore the big fat tears that rolled down Michael’s face. He had this look of shock his in eyes, but his expression stayed still and unwavering as he hiccuped for breaths. Jeremy hugged him, promising to help him through this. When Michael calmed down he said one thing only, “this totally blows man.”

Jeremy didn’t even realize he was crying until tears landed in his lap. He looked around, no longer in the painful memory of the hospital. Rather he was on the couch at Michael’s house with said boy leaning up against him. In any other circumstance that’d be a dream. He gave a wet inhale, nearly sobbing into his fist. Shit.


Jeremy wanted to answer him but he couldn’t, his voice would be a dead giveaway. As though his shaking shoulders weren’t enough.

“Hey Jeremy answer me.”

“M-mich-Michael…” he choked out, voice wavering and cracked.

“Aw dude…come here” he was wrapped in warm sweater covered arms. Jeremy started letting out sobs loudly, shaking in Michael’s arms.

“Talk to me Jere… what’s wrong?”

“How can you- can you be so ok with this?!” Deep down he knew Michael wasn’t. But he never showed it besides for the night he woke up.

“After everything I’ve done to you, you still hang out with me?! Hell you- you trust me?! I ruined- destroyed your life and you just- you trust me to be your damn eyes!?”

“I know.”

Jeremy went from a screaming to emotional statements “You can’t fucking see.”

“I know.”

“You can’t do so many things you love anymore.”

“I know.”

“I ruined your life”

“That’s..this wasn’t your fault ok. You can’t keep blaming yourself for this Jeremy.” He ran his hand through Jeremy’s hair and rubbed his back. Two things that usually calmed him down, but now it did nothing.

Jeremy pulled away from the hug, “how can I not?! I’m the reason you were in that stupid fucking bathroom! I’m the reason you were even at the party! I should have gone back! I should have-”

Michael decided to just let Jeremy go off. Let all the emotions of this week out. Jeremy sobbed and yelled about what an awful person, friend, and thing he was. He yelled about how Michael deserved better, how Michael could have been better off, how he should have listened to Michael. Michael Michael Michael. Neither even remembers how long it took Jeremy to calm down or what did it. He was just hiccuping into Michael’s shirt, his face hidden.

“…if you ask me, I couldn’t have a better player one. You’ve been doing such a good job helping me adjust…”

“But I-”

“You’re my best friend Jeremy. I forgive you. You’ve gotta forgive yourself. I know that won’t be now but…start working on it, ok?”

When Jeremy nodded, Michale planted a kiss to his forehead. Then he guided his hand over his face, feeling every inch of Jeremy. Making out his distressed frown, the bags in his eyes, the tears, all of it. Of course all this upset Michael too, hence why he joked around about it so much. But he’d be ok, he had Jeremy.

“Hey now we have an excuse to get that dog we’ve always wanted.”

Michael snorted and hugged Jeremy closer, “hell to the yeah we do.”

They’ll be ok.

anonymous asked:


54 – “Is that a drawing of me?”

The nose was wrong and fat and bulging too much into the right side of his face. And his eyes were too far apart and unbelievably round. Not to mention, that he only had a pencil, so the pupils were large, black, and, altogether, soulless. His eyebrows were too dark and extended across nearly the entire forehead, looking far too much like caterpillars. He had tried to shade the hair correctly, but it just looked black and stringy. The chin jutted forward far too much. The smile was just… wrong. There was no other way to put it. He had tried to sketch his teeth, but they now seemed unrealistically blocky and square. The lips were stretched back and looked more like a sneer than a smile. All in all, it was terrible, unrecognizable, but he knew exactly who it was meant to be.

Crutchie smiled, setting his pencil down. He made no claims to be an artist, but this was probably his best work yet. Crutchie tilted his head, squinting an eye. If his eyes were slightly out of focus, the drawing started to look more like—

“Is that a drawing of me?”

Crutchie jerked backwards, his heart pounding uncomfortably, as Jack sat down beside him. “Uh, what?” Crutchie squeaked, fighting the urge to just grab the notebook paper and stuff it into his backpack and just walk away and never return. He could feel his underarms start to itch with sweat and the tips of his ears were burning. Which was a sure sign that the rest of his face would be beaming a bright red. Maybe, Jack wouldn’t notice—

“Are you blushing?”

So much for that vain wish. “Blushing?” Crutchie asked, forcing out a laugh. “Am I blushing?”

“I asked you.”

Crutchie shrugged. “Oh, well, maybe a little. But, I might also be sunburnt and you know what that does to my skin. I’m pale as an… oyster?” Crutchie tried, his mind having suddenly gone frighteningly blank. Jack was inching closer and closer, and now they were breathing the exact same air, and, god, Crutchie hoped his breath didn’t stink. He had brushed his teeth earlier that morning, but what if the minty freshness had faded away and Jack would smell it and lean back and never talk to him again and—

“An oyster?” Jack asked, laughing. “What, have you been spending too much time with Race?”

“Whatever, Jack. Look, I’m just trying to eat my lunch, here, so…”

“Really?” Jack asked, quirking an eyebrow in Crutchie’s direction. “Because, to me, it looked like you were sketching a nice picture.”

Crutchie snorted. “It ain’t that nice. I’m sure you’d do it a lot better.” He rubbed at the back of his neck—which was still burning with embarrassment—somewhat sheepishly. “The eyes are all demonic and the hair looks like something out of a vampire movie.”

Crutchie moved to grab the paper and put it away, but Jack’s hand on top of his stopped him short.

All thoughts in Crutchie’s brain short-circuited and he could only think about how Jack’s hand felt on top of his and, crap, was his palm starting to sweat and, even though it was his palm, what if Jack could feel the sweat and— He froze, suddenly realizing that Jack was talking and he hadn’t been able to comprehend a word that had come from the other boy’s mouth. “Uh, what did you say?” Crutchie asked, well aware that the burning at the tips of his ears and across his cheeks and on his neck had increased tenfold.

Jack laughed. “I was just saying that you shouldn’t throw it away or nothing. It’s a nice picture. And, if you’d like, I can help you make it better.”

Crutchie nodded, almost without thinking. He wordlessly accepted the pencil Jack handed him and repositioned the paper to draw. Jack adjusted himself, so that he was sitting right beside Crutchie, his right hand gently holding Crutchie’s right wrist. “Okay, what’s first?” Crutchie asked, the words a soft whisper in the loud, over-crowded lunchroom.

“Well, who are we drawing?” Jack asked.

Unwilling to admit that he had been drawing Jack, Crutchie lied, “Oh, that was an awful attempt at Race.”

“Race, huh?” Jack asked. For a moment, Crutchie feared that Jack would call his bluff, but the other boy did no such thing. Instead, he began guiding Crutchie’s hand as they drew a face. “First, we need a face. I’m a fan of angular jaws, so we’ll just add to quick lines here… and here. And that’s our face. What do you want to do next?”

“Um, eyes?” Crutchie suggested. “Race has… eyes.” Which, in hindsight, was a completely idiotic thing to say, but Crutchie blamed it on the intoxicatingly close proximity between him and his crush of about five years.

“Yeah, eyes are good,” Jack agreed, and Crutchie was overwhelmingly thankful that he did not point out Crutchie’s stupid comment. Jack carefully guided Crutchie’s hand as they sketched two soft eyes, adding a couple laugh-wrinkles at the corner.

“He’s smiling!”

Jack laughed. “Of course, he is. And let’s add some eyebrows… and a nose… and a quick smile.”

Crutchie watched, amazed, as Jack helped him draw an excellent, life-like face. Though, and he would never admit it to Jack, but the face wasn’t turning out exactly like Race. The nose was too long, and a little crooked. And the smile wasn’t as wide or sarcastic as Race’s generally was. But, Crutchie wouldn’t complain. It was a far cry better than Crutchie’s poor attempt at art. “We need to add hair,” Crutchie observed.

“Yeah, and hair is the hardest part. For me, at least,” Jack admitted, as he guided Crutchie’s hand, quickly adding some hair to the boy they had drawn. “How about that?” Jack asked, once they had finished their drawing.

“That’s… That’s not Race,” Crutchie said, dumbfounded. They hadn’t drawn Race at all. It was Jack smiling up at him from the paper.

“I know, but you hadn’t been drawing Race originally, either.”

Crutchie immediately scooted away from Jack. “I—I was just drawing and, somehow, I don’t even know how, it just turned into you and I’m sorry, but it doesn’t mean anything,” he rambled.

Jack wordlessly opened his backpack and pulled out a notebook. He pushed the notebook over to Crutchie, and the other boy obligingly opened it and started sifting through its pages. On each page, were drawings and drawings of Crutchie. Crutchie looked up at Jack in surprise. “I…” Jack stopped, clearing his throat. “I, uh, like you, too. I mean, if you like me, that is. I had thought…” he trailed off, scratching at his left arm.

“I, uh, do like you,” Crutchie admitted nervously. “So, uh, what now?” he asked, smiling hesitantly.

“We go on a date?” Jack asked, smiling widely.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

“I could take you to an art museum?” Jack suggested. “You’re actually pretty good.”

“That sounds great.”

anonymous asked:

Hi! could you do something along the lines of the recent Hanzo headcanons where his s/o was from our time with Genji, Mcree, and S76 if it's not too much trouble

Hey there! Sure thing, I hope you like it! Thanks for the request. :) Here’s the link to the original post

-It took his (future) s/o some time to adjust to living in a new time, especially considering cyborg ninjas were not a thing in 2016.
-Luckily, Genji’s calming personality made it easier for them to become friends with him.
-Genji and Zenyatta made sure to catch up Genji’s s/o on everything that has changed since their time. They needed a few days of space to process everything, but once they were ready they were totally fine.
-S/O makes constant references to 2016 jokes and memes, and it makes the older crowd go wild with laughter since they are the only ones who remember them.
-“Genji, you’re my salt bae.”
“Wha…salt…bae? What does that mean? Do I need to be worried?”
“Nah, it just means you’re incredibly handsome!”
“Oh, well, thank you?”
-Genji enjoys taking them on trips during their shared down time so they can see how time has changed some things, but let others remain.

-He’s pretty suspicious at first about them being from the past, so it takes a while for him to warm up to them.
-Once McCree is comfortable around them, he’ll ask them a lot of questions about the past because he wants a firsthand account.
-“So, what was it like havin’ to hunt on horseback? Didya have to go after any outlaws yerself?”
“Jesse, what are you talking about?”
“The Wild West, of course!”
“…That was way before 2016. And a lot of it is dramatized for movies and television.”
“Aw, shucks. Does that mean my outfit ain’t up to par? I feel like a darn fool.”
“It’s perfect, Jesse. Trust me. You don’t need to change a thing.”
-He doesn’t go into too much detail about how things have changed as he likes to keep explanations simple, so he might defer some questions to Angela or Ana.
-McCree really enjoys watching older movies with them while they snuggle together under his serape and blankets.

Soldier 76
-Like McCree, he’s fairly skeptical that they’re from the past, but he’s seen a lot of shit at this point in his life. Not much can surprise him anymore.
-Soldier has a tough exterior, so he tends to brush them off at first until they begin to grow on him. At that point he’ll start answering questions they have.
-He’s actually very curious about what it was like to live in 2016 despite having been born not too long after. He’ll slip in a question here and there.
-They become close one night over a couple of glasses of wine and sitting on the roof of Watchpoint: Gibraltar.
-“You know, I’ve been really homesick lately. I used to hate my situation, but looking back on it…it wasn’t so bad.”
“…Do you regret being here?”
“Haha, actually…I’m finding that I like it here a lot more than I was expecting. Everyone has been really understanding and welcoming. I don’t think I ever properly thanked you, by the way.”
“There’s nothing to thank.”
“Trust me, there is. More than I think you know.”
“…Would it be a stretch to ask for a kiss as a thank you? I know I’m getting bolder in my old age.”
“Haha! I’d be more than happy to.”  

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry if you asked 'who do you think the most tragic character in Harry Potter is?' a long time ago, but I think Snape is the most tragic character. I wouldn't blame him for becoming so bitter, because hey, the girl he loved so much(that his patronus matched hers) goes off with the guy who bullied him, and then he gets killed off by a massive snake.

Never ever apologize about bringing up Harry Potter with me. I will never turn down a Harry Potter centered discussion. I agree that there is a case to be made for Snape being the most tragic, although my feelings on him are a bit complicated. Like, I understand why he became so bitter over losing Lilly to James but he didn’t do much to keep Lilly on his side when they were still friends, he was too far gone with the death eaters. And while I understand that he was torn apart over the loss of Lilly and he had a very difficult life from the very start, he was absolutely ruthless to a bunch of little children and part of me feels like he deserved to be killed via horrible snake attack (more so in the books than the movies, in the movies he seems more human and less awful). But anyway, I feel that Snape is more tragic when you look at him for what he could have been, rather than for the loss he suffered. Like, he could have been a better person in school and gone on to be a great wizard working for the order and never heard the prophecy that kicked off the hunt for Harry Potter (or he could have ended up with Lilly and there would be no Harry) or after the Potter’s deaths he could have seen the Lilly in Harry rather than only seeing James and had a good relationship with Harry. But he just couldn’t let go of the past enough to do that and for that I feel he is very tragic. Sorry I went off on a tangent but one last side note, I know it isn’t supposed to be interpreted this way but I find it kind of funny that Snape keyed Harry in on the fact that he was in love with Lilly in that it feels like one final fuck you, like it’s just so weird to be like “yeah I really wanted to bang your mom” in your final moments. It just sort of makes me laugh haha

come home // nurseydex

a/n: thank u to everyone who reblogged/commented/responded to in any way my last fic!! it was so nice to read and i’m gonna try to publish scraps of stuff more often. anyways - 4.7k about nursey getting mugged and boys being domestic. 


Dex gets the call in the middle of a nap and despite seeing the ridiculous shirtless selfie  of Nursey in Ransom’s white Snapback flash across his screen, he answers the call, mumbling a bleary and vaguely frustrated “hello?” into the mouthpiece. If this is another rant about Jeff Bezos, he swears to fucking god–

“Uh… hey, Will.”


Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Pls part two to the bakugou angst? I'm not exactly sure if requests are open, but if they aren't just delete this!:)

Ask and you shall receive! Eventually!! I made it fairly gender neutral, since the original ask didn’t specify. 

You tugged one of Kirishima’s old shirts over your head, not bothering with pants since it was only Kirishima anyway. The two of you had been having sleepovers for years, much to the chagrin of a certain explosive person in your lives. Not that Katsuki had ever needed to worry; Kirishima was like a brother to you.

It was both a relief and a painful reminder to shower and change your clothes. On one hand, it hurt to let go. You were still shaky and puffy-eyed from the breakdown you’d had earlier and only sheer force of will was keeping you from curling up and napping for the rest of time.

On the other hand… changing was like an invitation to forget about that pain, just for a while. Focus on other things. You hadn’t lasted this long in a relationship with Katsuki by simply laying down and crying when times got tough.

You took a deep breath and walked out of the guest room Kirishima had prepped for you during your shower. He was on the phone when you made it to the front room, sounding exasperated.

“Look bro, if they walked out it’s your own fault… Well, because you’ve been a dick lately. I know work has been stressful but… No, for the twelfth time, I don’t know where Y/N is… Yeah I already said I’d help with that work thing, I’m pissed that it happened too. But the way you’re dealing with it is your own damn fault…” When he saw you walk in, he gave you a sad smile and put a finger to his lips. Then he nodded encouragingly toward the kitchen, probably telling you to eat something.

You obliged, if only so you didn’t have to hear Katsuki’s voice through the receiver anymore. He wasn’t yelling, but he was loud; to anyone else it would have sounded like he was angry, but the blind panic in his voice was clear to you even from ten feet away. He was worried about you. You knew it would happen, but it hurt to know you’d caused that.

When you reached the kitchen, you were wrenched out of your thoughts by what– or rather, who –was waiting in the doorway, holding out a cupcake with the most deadpan expression he could manage.

“Happy birthday,” Shouto said quietly, keeping his voice low so the phone didn’t pick it up.

“When did you–”

“Bakugou called me forty minutes ago.” Shouto shrugged, not looking like he really cared about Katsuki in the slightest. The two of them had stopped hating each other over the years, but some things never changed. “He didn’t say anything so I assumed you finally walked out on him, and I know you. You probably came directly here. Therefore, so did I.”

It was funny how, even years later, he was still so awkward. He did his best though, and that was all you could ask for. He and Kirishima were your two most trusted friends, because you liked how genuine they both were. If you needed help, they came running. Literally, this time.

Well, them and someone else, usually. You felt your eyes brim with tears and scrubbed them away roughly, unwilling to cry again today. Shouto looked completely out of his element, unsure if he should do anything to help.

“I was promised cupcakes,” Kirishima sang as he trotted into the kitchen, putting his phone in his pocket. A shadow flitted out the corner of your eye, near the window. A bird.

He grabbed a cupcake and raised it solemnly in a toast. “To Y/N. May all of your birthdays be less shitty than this year’s.”

Shouto nodded in agreement and raised his own cupcake. You were 90% sure he was only doing it because he didn’t quite realize that it was a joke, which made you smile a little.

You raised your own cupcake. “To me!”

The three of you ate the treats in companionable silence, then Shouto’s head whipped to the side, toward the window you’d seen the shadow through earlier. “Did you guys see that?”

“It’s been happening for awhile, I thought it was a bird.” You took another bite of your cupcake, but looked at him carefully. Shouto was a good pro hero, second only to Deku himself. His instincts were second to none, though. If he thought there was danger, you wouldn’t doubt him.

But he just shook his head. “It must have been.”

“You’re just on edge, bro. You know what we need? A good, old-fashioned bad movie marathon.” Kirishima polished off his third cupcake and pulled out his phone, tapping on it a few times. Not even a minute later, he showed you the screen. “This one is awful, and it’s on Netflix. You game?”

“Of course,” you smirked.

Shouto rolled his eyes fondly, but followed the two of you into the front room anyway. He never had understood your fascination with bad cinema, but he never failed to be present for it anyway. And right now, a little laughter with your best friends was what you needed to keep your mind off of a certain blond bombshell.

Not that you got that chance, though.

Less than an hour into the first movie, explosions went off outside, near the back of the building. Then came that ever familiar bellow that could shake a building’s foundation.


Shouto cursed quietly and stood up, turning toward the source of the noise. Your eyes followed the direction he was facing and there you saw him. Outside the window, Katsuki faced off with at least two (though it could have been more) people, looking more murderous than you’d ever seen him.

“Oh, shit. I was right. Didn’t think he’d come without backup though.” Kirishima moved so fast you could barely see him, stopping at the door for a split second to give you strict orders to “stay with Todoroki, I have to keep him from doing anything stupid.”

You looked toward Shouto again, noticing the mildly bemused look on his face. “Do you know what the hell is going on? Why is he so angry?”

“Ah… Well, I would assume that it’s because these are the people that indirectly caused you to leave Bakugou in the first place,” Todoroki said, as matter-of-fact as ever. He’d never cared much for Katsuki, so somewhere in the back of your mind you doubted that he cared whether you left him for good or not.

Then the gravity of his words sank in. “What do you– I left him because he didn’t love me!”

“Really?” Shouto cocked his head. “I may not know much about romance, but I thought you left him because he’s been distant and forgot your birthday. Which is valid, of course.”

Another explosion and more screaming echoed through the room before you answered. “Well… yeah. But what does that have to do with them?”

“Those people are agents of the Anti-Hero Alliance,” he explained, sealing the doors and windows shut with a thick coating of ice. “And recently, from what I’ve heard, they’ve been targeting you. I couldn’t say for sure, since Bakugou’s agency has been completely quiet on the whole matter, but that’s what Kirishima made it sound like earlier.”

The information rocked you to your core. That explained why neither Kirishima nor Shouto had tried to tell you that you were better off without him, or any of the other stuff you’d expected them to say. “So that’s why…”

“Mmhmm.” Once the room was secure, Shouto turned back to you. “I didn’t worry about it because I knew better than to think he would ever let anything happen to you. But maybe I should have been more proactive. I apologize.”

The explosions stopped abruptly and Kirishima shouted through the ice layers. “Everything is fine! Melt the house!”

Well that was fast, you thought, still reeling. The next thirty minutes were a whirlwind of activity, from the melting of the house to the police reports. Katsuki avoided your eyes the entire time. Then, almost too quickly, everything was over. It was just the four of you.

And then Kirishima, as the very good bro that he apparently was, decided to take Shouto and ditch the two of you to give you some time to talk. As if Katsuki ever actually talked things through.

You were the first to break the awkward silence. “You didn’t tell me.”

He snorted. “No shit. You would have fucking charged in there, guns blazing. If I’d told you, you would have gotten yourself killed.”

He pushed me away, he let me leave him… to protect me? That sounded… exactly like something he would do. And he wasn’t entirely wrong; there was a good chance that you would have gone out looking for them yourself.

“I'm… I’m sorry,” you said quietly. “You were just trying to–”

“I was being a dick is what I was doing,” he snapped, flushing. “I knew exactly what it was fucking doing to you but you were safer that way. I’m not going to apologize for it and neither should you. I’d do it again.”

That was a harsh way of putting it, but you understood his meaning. He’d go through all of this again to keep you safe. You’d do the same for him.

“I am sorry about your birthday though,” he muttered, surprising you. “I got your present a month ago but I didn’t realize it was today.”

As if your birthday was the important thing now. You wanted to laugh. But you took the words for what they were: a rare olive branch, a sincere apology.

You tackled him in a tight hug. “Show it to me when we get home, okay?”

Slowly, hesitantly, his arms came up around you as if he was still processing your forgiveness. “Yeah.”

Only when you reached the front door did you remember.

“I should probably put some pants on first, though.”

anonymous asked:

Hi, I'm Fluffy! I just read ur Jumin post and love it T^T I ended up gasping dramatically from shock lol anyways I saw that your ask was open and was wondering if I can ask for a RFA+V and Saeran(if ur ok doing all) reacting to an MC that's like a hard core fangirl(could be anything like anime, books, musicals, etc, ect) and cosplay, does fanart, writes fanfics/hc and when she talks about her obsessions, like most the time doesn't even makes sense?? I hope that wasn't too specific! Fluffy out!

Hi fluffy! Wah, it’s an nice request, thank you for sending it in! I think I accidentally made Jumin’s part long whoops!

~Admin Jiyeon

RFA + V & Saeran with a fangirl MC


  • ‘Zen, they’re called fanfiction’ ‘Still’ 
  • Do not write smut around this guy i stg the beast 
  • Will fight anyone who hate comments “babe, chill” “Wym chill somEONE NEEDS TO APPRECIATE YOUR WORK!”
  • He’ll help you with your things! Like plotwist, some character names and such
  • babe can you put me there
  • will cry at romantically sad scenes of your stories and you just stare at him like ‘babe what the fuck’


  • He probably found out by accident that you were a hardcore Luhan fan
  • “Hey MC, could I borrow your phone? Mine got broken and I need to call Seven.” 
  • And when he saw the screen, he only saw a smiling Luhan selfie
  • He was a bit confused. who is this girly dude that is here
  • After the call, he was stuttering to MC because he was so shy to admit so“M-MC, who w-was the guy i-in your phone?”“..Oh, that’s my idol!” 
  • A bit jealous, so he was all pouty until she realized lol 
  • “Yoosung.. are you jealous?” “No.” 
  • “Aw, it’s okay, Luhan be my idol but you’re always my number one!”
  • blush blush blush~


  • same, probably 
  • She would love listening to your theories about The Maze Runner, Harry Potter and some Percy Jackson . 
  • Since she can read some chapters and so, she’ll probably add some theories too with you
  • Theories about Zen’s musicals, coffee, some nice breakfast? Sign her up!
  • She’ll comfort you when your favorite character would die *coughNEWTcough*
  • “It’s okay, MC, yes, he didnt deserve it, i’m sure.” “BUT STILL! WHY DOES HE HAVE TO DIE!”
  • She would use some of the OST of the movies to calm you down after a bad day and it works. For her, just put in some Zen’s musicals and boom.
  • Overall, very supportive, sometimes would correct you in a good way, points out your mistake and adds a better one politely
  • Ah, loveher


  • what is fanart?
  • MC.. who are those men you are drawing? why are you not drawing me?
  • “Oh, Jumin, honey, they are my favorite characters! They are from FREE!
  • Free? What kind of business- “Dear it’s an anime-”
  • What is anime?
  • Although he does not understand what you mean, he still supports you!
  • “Jumin what are those heavy shopping bags?”
  • “Oh? These are art materials.” 
  • “Okay then.”
  • “…”
  • “..?”
  • V mumbling in the distance: “He almost bought the whole store..”
  • Whenever you have art block or get frustrated and want to rip your hair out, he’s always there for you, trying to cheer you up. Keyword: Trying.He’ll give you Elizabeth 3rd to pat, give you some tips and lovely wordsHe’ll also hire some artists to help you with some things you are struggling with such a bab
  • He wants to take a photo of your drawing and when it was blurred, he called V over lmfao

Saeyoung / 707:

  • He would join your cosplays proudly. Crossdress or not
  • Giving makeup tips 
  • He totally acts like a girl when he crossdress and you’re impressed
  • Probably dragged Saeran to cosplay Rin and Len Kagamine with him and you’re Miku/Kaito 
  • Somehow, he’ll also win some Cosplay Contests with you guys and so
  • So, he always joins you and gets scolded by Vanderwood
  • Worth it though lmfaoo
  • “So.. MC…” “Lemme guess, we need to cosplay something again and you will crossdress?” “No, we cosplay as Ciel and you cosplay Elizabeth.” 
  • He’d look good as Ciel omg yas. 
  • “Yoosung you join us.” ;)) 
  • Overall, Supportive baby!

V/Jihyun Kim:

  • Let’s be real, if he found out you love Luhan, he’ll probably sit you down and say, “Darling, I figured you love this guy named Luhan and I got some photos of him when I went to China.” 
  • “Ahh! He’s so adorable! Oh my god, Jihyun I love you so much thank you!” when you pounced on him and peppered his face in kisses, he was so happy omg yes, mc, please make this baby happy he deserves it
  • “MC, Jumin has a photoshoot in China for a week soon and I’m the photographer, would you like to go?” 
  • “YES!
  • He’d buy you some tickets to his concert. 
  • “wait.. honey.. but-”
  • “Yes?”
  • “..Some of his songs..are.. uhm.. just.. not decent.”
  • “Its okay! I can handle it!”
  • And when Lu came, boy was scarred for his life.
  • “I’m sorry, Jihyun..” 
  • He just grinned and kissed the top of your head. “It’s okay.”
  • But when you’d feel bad because it seems like you’re overshadowing him, you’ll sing a Luhan song on his birthday (DO NOT SING LU I STG GET AWAY FROM THIS MAN IF YOU WANNA SING LU HE”S INNOCENT DONT DRAG HIM WITH IT)


  • The fuck is this
  • THe fuck is that
  • Edgelord is not impressed lmfao 
  • He’d still try to be supportive of your crazy anime things 
  • But when he saw Kuroshitsuji, he totally joined you
  • Merch? 
  • He just loves the thought of Kuroshitsuji, 
  • Loves the plots and murder scene
  • now edgelord is very very impressed 
  • Ice cream, Kuroshitsuji and cuddles? He’ll love them very much! 
  • He just loves those dark animes he really doesnt like anything else lmfao

anonymous asked:

Mom? I'm kinda struggling with ocd pretty badly rn. Could u write hamilsquad catching laf doing a ritual and comforting him? :)

I sure can, kiddo!! I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling so much right now, and I hope this fic will bring some comfort to you, bby. <333333 (Click here to read my other lil fics)

Lafayette could not stop. He could not stop. 

As much as he wanted to stop tapping the rug with his foot, the voice in his head kept threatening him. 

If you don’t reach 37 taps then your friends will die and it will be all your fault. Is that what you want? Are you really that selfish that you would let them die because you’re getting a little bit tired? 

Even when he reached 37, it wasn’t enough.

Was that really 37? I think you miscounted. Better start over. Better safe than sorry, right? Don’t be selfish. You need to protect them, and this is how. 

He was not longer aware of how much time was passing. All he could do was stand in the center of his bedroom and tap his socked foot against the woven circular area rug over and over and over again. He felt stuck on repeat, his off-switch completely shattered. 

He was so unaware of the passage of time that he failed to realize he was ten minutes late meeting Alex, Herc, and John for movie night. Movie night was thankfully in his own home tonight, so his lateness hadn’t been problematic so far, but soon fifteen minutes ticked by, then twenty. 

There was a knock on his bedroom door. “Laaaaaf, you coming? We got the popcorn and soda and Mom even baked brownies for us!” Alex called through the door. 

“Uh, oui, mon ami,” Laf said. He internally cursed himself for losing count of his taps. “One moment, please.”

Even Laf noticed the shaky, uncertain quality to his voice, but he prayed Alexander wouldn’t. There was a beat of silence from the other side of the door. Laf started his counting all over again.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked, his voice slightly strained.

“Oui,” Laf called out in a way that did not at all sound okay. 

“I think you’re lying,” Alex said.

“Am not,” Laf mumbled. 

“GUYS!” Alex hollered. 

Lafayette winced. If Alex was calling John and Herc up, well… 

“Laf, tell us what’s going on or we’re coming in.” Herc’s voice boomed from the other side of the door.

“No, non, it’s, I’m f-f––” 

Concentrate on the number. You need to hit 37. No distractions. If you don’t then something awful will happen to them and it will be all your fault. Keep tapping, keep counting, keep––

The door to his room swung open. His three friends hovered in the doorway, looking at him with confusion and uncertainty in their eyes. He wanted to stop so badly. He never meant for them to see him doing this. But as much as he wanted to stop, he couldn’t. He could not. 

“Laf, what’s going on?” John asked softly.

“I need to do this,” Laf said, his voice cracking as tears started to fill his eyes.

John walked up to him. “Okay. Can you tell me what you’re doing?” 

“Tapping the rug with my foot,” Laf mumbled.

“Is there a certain number of times you have to tap it?” John asked.

“37,” Laf said weakly.

“Okay,” John said. “Can I hold your hand?”

“Uh, oui?” Laf was surprised by this request, but it was not unwelcome. 

“Can I hold your other?” Alex said from his other side. 

“Oui,” Laf said with a small smile. 

“I’m moral support!” Herc declared from behind them.

“Let us count with you,” John offered. “That way you know when you’ve hit 37.”

Laf looked at John in shock. How did he know that Laf was always doubting he’d actually hit 37?

“I have it, too,” John said softly. With that, he nodded at Laf to begin.

The four friends began to count together, Laf collapsing on the rug in relief when they all shouted 37! 

He was so tired, he felt he could barely move. He hadn’t realized just how much energy the ordeal had taken out of him. 

“We’ll talk about it later,” John said to him. “For now let’s get you downstairs, cuddled up between us all for a movie. I think you need snacks now more than ever.”

Laf smiled at his friends. “Oui,” he agreed. “I would like that.” 

He let them lead him down the stairs and wrap him in a blanket, settling him into the middle of the couch. Alex and Herc cuddled into his sides, John holding Alex’s hand and occasionally reaching over to reassuringly squeeze Laf’s knee. 

Even after his awful afternoon, Lafayette couldn’t help but smile. With his friends, he felt so warm, so safe. With his friends, he felt understood. 

anonymous asked:

Hello! I love you're Sherlock sketches (that pin is amazing) and i really love your thoughts on him. I'm a big fan of the original books. While I'm also a fan of the BBC show, Disney movie, and Rathbone movies, I'll admit that they have their flaws. In your opinion, what do you think is the main thing that people misinterpret about his character? Why is it that no one gets seems to get Sherlock Holmes right? (Sorry if that makes no sense) Thanks!

Ah thank you so much! Ahh…so preface: I am no Sherlock Holmes expert! I just really loved the books (read ‘em a lot as a kid). I’m aware that there are a lot of different exegesis/analysis of the character–particularly who inspired him (Dr. Bell, Doyle Himself, etc). But these is just my general thoughts/understanding? also: LONG POST AHOY!

 Confidence vs. Arrogance: Ok, so this I feel is a pretty big one that people get wrong! Sherlock Holmes possesses an enormous confidence in his brain and in his work–and it is described as “bordering on arrogance” but not actual arrogance itself (at least most of the time, he does get on Watson’s nerves if he presumes too much, hah). When Holmes’ confidence is misplaced, he is quick to criticize himself, apologize to whomever, and move the heck on, so that he can fix things…which…the more arrogant portrayals of Holmes struggle to do. Also, Holmes is “eager” (probably the most used description in all the books) not because he is compensating, but because he just loves his job. Thusly, he isn’t as concerned with “getting his man” as he is with solving the crime/protecting innocents. You’d be surprised how many villains get away at the end of these books (Holmes believes they get their just desserts eventually).

  • “‘No, it is not selfishness or conceit,’ said he, answering, as was his won’t, my thoughts rather than my words. ‘If I claim full justice for my art, it is because it is an impersonal thing–a thing beyond myself. Crime is common. Logic is rare.’” (Mystery of the Copper Beeches)

Misunderstanding “The Machine”: In modern interpretation, Watson’s comparison of Sherlock to a “machine” gets lost in translation, I think. In modern sensibilities, we see machines as cold, clinical, incapable of feeling (ie. robots). It is a common critique of Holme’s character in many modern adaptations. However, Watson’s comparison is…more specifically related to the arena of sexuality and romance. “Holmes is as inhuman as a Babbage’s calculating machine and just about as likely to fall in love.” This “inhumanity” is less a commentary of Holmes’ emotional spectrum, and more a bemused observation that Holmes has like 0 interest in having The Sex with anyone. Leading to my next point…

Sherlock Holmes doesn’t hate people: I don’t know what the modern obsession is with having smart/clever character be these sardonic butt-holes with a disdain for the human race and how their brilliance is an excuse for any sardonic butt-holery they do. It is boring and lame, and Sherlock’s character falls prey to this A LOT. But here’s the thing, this guy does not hate people–he just doesn’t always exist to please them (at least in a Proper Victorian sensibility). Holmes does get emotionally involved all the time! He sympathetically listens to people’s stories, he comforts clients when he feels they need it. He is enraged at a man who flagrantly insults his wife, a step-father who abuses his daughters, he talks a woman down from suicide, defends another woman’s perceived infidelity, he even talks to a baby, and yes, it is the purest thing. He also keeps another companion when Watson moves on. Also, he and Mycroft get along? There’s literally a whole couple pages of them goofing off together and complimenting each-other. 

  • “Finally he shook one of the dimpled fists which waved in front of him. ‘Good-bye, little man.’” (The Sussex Vampire)
  • “‘You must not fear,” said he soothingly, bending forward and patting her forearm. “We shall soon set matters right, I have no doubt.’” (The Adventure of the Speckled Band)

Holmes doesn’t hate women???: Eyyrgh, ok so no bones about it, Sherlock Holmes is a product of his time. He says a lot of socially accepted “truths” about ladies–how they can’t be trusted, how they are silly, hair pins, etc. And that is annoying and wrong and we all can agree on that, I think. However, he is always civil to women, and rarely talks over or belittles them–ESPECIALLY when he knows they are being abused or in distress. Also, Irene Adler humbled him Quite A Bit–and a lot of his previous overtures on women change through his experience with her and the other rad ladies he works with. I think he partly senses how systematically misused women are–and he is pretty quick to defend them (See: The Copper Beeches, The Lone Cyclist, The Veiled Lodger, The Speckled Band, The Greek Interpreter, The Dancing Men, Charles Augustus Milverton, The Yellow Face, The Sussex Vampire, among others). Maybe not, but he takes their side 9 times out of 10. Of course, he’s not interested in boinking any of them, so modern (male) writers get confused by this and mistake sexual disinterest for misogyny. :/ 

Also a big pain with me and the modern adaptations is that they change the narrative of the stories to make some of the lady characters awful/justify some shoe-horned in remark against womankind. I got particularly riled by the Brett version of The Greek Interpreter, where the girl (abused in the original book) is secretly in on the whole plot and Holmes sneers at her for heartlessly enabling the death of her faithful brother. Where the heck did this come from???? The book has a great ending (where the girl literally Stabs Her Abusers to death, and escapes the heck outta there), I just don’t get it. >:[ (They did this in the Hound of the Baskerville movie too. akjhfddk) 

Anyway, I’ve rambled long enough! Thanks for asking!

At my wedding
  • Priest: You have both prepared your own vows.
  • Spouse: I promise to honor, protect, and love you. I am yours, for the rest of my days.
  • Me: *ahem* According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. I'm you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

anonymous asked:

Hi! Since u don't have requests rn, I figured i'd send u a few (all involving Oikawa, Sugawara, Tendou and Tanaka. 1.what they'd do when they learned their s/os are having awful menstrual cramps 2.what they'd do during their "first time" with their s/os 3.what they'd do/say to their s/os when they're down or feeling bad about life at all. I'm sorry if theyre not specific enough, also i know its too many so u dont have to do them all at once. No pressure. Good luck, btw i love ur writing!!!!! :)

I actually have 50+ messages in my ask box I just haven’t updated my header in a while but I appreciate you sending these in! ^^ I’m only going to do one though since I don’t think it would be fair if I did 3 things in one ask.

What they would do when their s/o has bad cramps


  • I headcanon Oikawa having a sister so he’s had to deal with this before. He knows what to do in this kind of situation.
  • He either lays on the couch with you or in your bed just watching a movie and doesn’t mind if you don’t want to talk, he understands that you’re in pain and may not want to be as talkative as usual.
  • If you called him over, he asks if you need him to get anything and if you say no, he’ll still drop by the store to get your favorite ice cream or anything you enjoy.
  • Oikawa gives you back massages if you get lower back pain and his fingers work like magic to relieve it. 


  • He’s very attentive to you and gets you anything and everything you need. 
  • Need some pain medication? Don’t worry he’s on it in a flash. 
  • Doesn’t mind the mood swings and he knows that you don’t mean some of the things you may say while on your period because he understands that you aren’t having the best of times for the next 3-7 days.
  • Suga will be more than happy to you grab tampons, pads, medication, your favorite snacks- anything. He doesn’t get embarrassed buying these things for you because he loves you and hates seeing you in pain. 
  • Definitely rubs your stomach because he hopes that it will distract you from the pain.


  • He has no idea what to do and is clueless about the whole period thing, which does cause an argument or two. 
  • “You’re just on your period, why are you complaining? Aren’t you just bleeding right?” 
  • “Tendou I’m going to kill you.” 
  • After explaining to him it’s not just bleeding, he’s more sympathetic. 
  • He doesn’t love getting tampons and pads because he thinks it’s embarrassing. But after a female cashier tells him that he’s a good boyfriend for getting a few extra things he doesn’t mind as much. 
  • Definitely tries to make you laugh by doing stupid things.  


  • He has a sister so she’s told him about all the things that happen when you get your period. He’ll ask her for some advice on what to do, too if he panics. 
  • Just like Tendou, he tries to make you laugh because he wants to see you smile.
  • He’ll recommend going on a walk since his sister has told him that exercise can help sometimes. 
  • He’ll understand if you don’t want him around and you want your space. 
  • Plays with your hair and lets you lay in his lap while you two watch movies.