I would always say to myself and others that “idk why I feel like this” when I felt any kind of feeling that I wasn’t really familiar with.
Deep down I would know what I was feeling, but even deeper down I knew I was scared to dive into this feeling and really dissect it to actually figure it out..
I was feeling more quiet than usual. Uncomfortable, actually.
I pushed away and distanced myself from things that once had value and importance in my life.. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t feeling connected to these things anymore until the other day. I knew that in these moments, I needed to sit with self, talk to self, feel, relax, breathe and just listen. I did and finally, I was seeing them for what they truly were, all just memories and lessons that should’ve been left in the past. Why didn’t I see this before? I wasn’t trying to look passed it anymore or continue to claim them as things they no longer were. I had a habit of holding onto things that once made me feel comfortable and loved or wanted, even if it wasn’t real. -at one point in my life I didn’t know how to make myself feel the way I wanted to, I would look to others to make me feel what I thought would be good but turned into the opposite. I was weak, naive, and I wasn’t loving myself so no wonder why I was attracting people and circumstances that aligned to that frequency. I didn’t want to be that girl and I didn’t have to be, I was holding onto things that didn’t have to be me. Now, closing the doors to chapters that I no longer have to dwell on.
I’ve let go and I realized why I had been so unusually quiet.