this is also about how i feel today

speakswords  asked:

yooo so I wrote cores of diamond and can I just say I was RLY confused how the comments/kudos doubled on that story overnight until i figured out someone posted about it on tumblr..... found you! and it's also my birthday today. so, best birthday present ever. like hands down the best present ever. 😭 cheers, thank you, I feel so much better about having to work 9 hrs on my birthday now like you have NO idea.

YOOO I’M.. SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT ??? hhfhdfk nice to know it got the attention it deserved. it was great… 10/10… thank u for ur service. 

AND YOOO HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAN !

I have done a whole pile of Social Activities today and like, they have not gone terribly badly (so far! a lot of them were emails and things so there’s still time!) (also: that I know about! but anyway). But I keep on having this Very Strong Awareness that they have not gone badly Only because at various points I very closely and intensely watched people who were able to do these things well and then when I had enough data I was like whirr whirr pattern synthesising and then I produced a Reasonable Pastiche. 

But actually, in fact, I’m pretty sure this is just how humans work? Right? Brains are just devices Specifically For This, social knowledge is just taking in a load of data and extracting a formula with which to generate new things which also fit the same template but with enough variation to make it seem like it’s not an exact copy. This is just an unremarkable Human Process, no?

then again do real humans write weird blog posts about how humans process information so as to generate social actions, probably not.

I haven’t given you guys an update on my swimming lessons.

My mom asked me if swim class is fun and I’m… not sure that it’s fun exactly. I feel similar to how I felt about learning to drive. I don’t dread it, but I also feel relieved when it’s canceled, and when I get home from it, I need to drink tea and sit in the quiet and just kind of recover from it. It’s also exercise and I don’t usually get a lot of exercise so it’s tiring even though the class is only 40 minutes long.

But I’m getting better. Today, I swam all the way from one end of the pool to the other without stopping (more than once!) which I haven’t managed to do before. After just kind of being frustrated and flailing around for a while, I’m really starting to understand what it is I’m supposed to be doing now. My teacher is patient and encouraging and explains things to me, and it’s no wonder I’ve never really learned before because I haven’t really had that, I was always in situations where everyone acted like this was stuff I should already know and I just wasn’t trying hard enough.

So I’m glad I signed up, and I feel proud of what I’ve accomplished. It just takes work.

what is BPD?

 Even though I have a blog about BPD, a lot of people have a lot of doubts about it (about the symptoms, terms, etc). So here is a post about BPD and, please, if you are neurotypical don’t comment “wow I have it” just because you read my post.

  • Borderline Personality Disorder is diagnosed when there is a persistent pattern of unstable interpersonal relationships, mood and self-image, as well as distinct impulsive behaviour, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. These difficulties are indicated by five (or more) of the following:
  1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

  2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

  3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

  4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). This does not include suicidal or self-harming behaviour.

  5. recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour.

  6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood - intense feelings that can last from a few hours to a few days.

  7. chronic feelings of emptiness.

  8. inappropriate intense anger or difficulty controlling anger.

  9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideas or severe dissociative symptoms.

What is FP? 

FP means, for someone who has BPD, favorite person. It is a term that refers to the person you most idealize, usually it is someone you have romantic feelings for, but it can be a friend, fictional character, someone in your family, etc. Not everyone who has BPD has a FP, but it is something common. Having a FP is not something beautiful and shouldn’t be romantized, your mood starts depending on that person, on the way they talk to you, you have a lot of mental breakdowns when they’re gone and it’s something that puts you in risk, because you’re willing to do basically anything for that person.

What is “split”?

Splitting is the action of feeling extremely angry at someone who you usually idealize, for example, your fp (but it doesn’t have to be necessarily your fp). Someone who suffers from BPD usually has black and white thinking or feeling, loving or hating someone, doing something all the time or not at all, basically no harlf term. When someone splits, it means that they were from a extreme to another about their feelings to someone. It can happen for big and important reasons, when someone actually does a serious mistake or it can happen when someone does a “small” mistake and we react extremely, due to BPD hypersensitivity.

What is dissociation?

That’s what Wikipedia says: “In psychology, dissociation is any of a wide array of experiences from mild detachment from immediate surroundings to more severe detachment from physical and emotional experience. The major characteristic of all dissociative phenomena involves a detachment from reality, rather than a loss of reality as in psychosis.”. Dissociation is the match of despersonalization (“Depersonalization can consist of a detachment within the self regarding one’s mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Subjects feel they have changed and that the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience. Chronic depersonalization refers to depersonalization-derealization disorder, which is classified by the DSM-5 as a dissociative disorder.”) and derealization (“Derealization is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one’s environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional colouring, and depth. It is a dissociative symptom of many conditions.”). Basically, it is feeling like YOU are not real + the WORLD is not real. Okay, I’m not sure about what I’m going to say now, please someone correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that there a lot of dissociative disorders, but in BPD people usually suffer just from dissociative symptoms.

Self-Harm?

Self-harm is when you intentionally hurt yourself. Okay, but why? Some people self-harm to relief the pain, a lot of people with BPD also relate they self-harm to feel real during dissociative episodes or to feel something when the emptiness sensations are acting out. For some people, self-harm is when you hurt your body tissue, for example, cutting or scratching yourself, but, personally, in my opinion, thre are different ways or expressing self-harm before it becomes something extreme, for example, starving yourself, triggering yourself, doing something you don’t want to just because you “deserve it”, etc.

“People with BPD are always abusive.”

That’s absolutely not true. A lot of websites make articles about BPD and, because of a lack of information, they mention we are abusive and things like that. The truth is that no one is automatically abusive JUST because their mental illnesses. Abuse is something related to someone’s behavior, regardless if they’re mentally ill or not. “Okay, so why a lot of people say BPD makes someone abusive?” Maybe it’s because PDs are not a very discussed topic and people are always afraid of the unkown, so it’s better if they just judge us. Also, maybe because people with BPD are often seen as “attention seekers”, which is not something bad, in my opinion, because everyone should receive enough attention, since they’re not using bad mechanisms to get it.

About some other symptoms

Mood swings happen when someone goes to an emotion to another. For someone who has BPD, it happens a lot of times during the day. For example, if you got a friend and they have BPD they can talk about suicide and how hopeless they feel and a few hours or minutes later they can talk about future plans and how excited they are about things. It impacts our affective instability too, so sometimes we get lost thinking if we like someone or not. We can easily “get tired” of someone and then becoming totally dependent on them after some time. Our instability also impacts our sense of self, sometimes it makes us question even if we are real (going back to the dissociation aspect). That’s why is so hard for us to do things like choosing a career, because today I can feel like becoming an actress and then tomorrow I want to be a doctor. Our decisions and moods are constantly changing.Our fear of abandonment controls our lives, we can do things that we don’t even want to just to have someone by our sides. Also, some people with BPD can get too clingy or too distant to someone they love, clingy to avoid the abandonment and distant because of a “leave them before they leave me” thought. That’s why our relationships are very unstable.Compulsion and impulsivity is a form of expressing our confused feelings, like if we need something to rely on. We can drink too much, eat too much, waste too much money, etc. It can happens for a lot of reasons, for example, to fill the feelings of emptiness or to avoid a breakdown, specially when someone leaves.

Quiet and explosive borderlines

Explosive borderline is someone who is the “classical” borderline. They will act out, they may yell at people, they may get involved in fights and etc. Someone who is a quiet borderline will act in, holding their pain agaisnt themselves, for example, with the self-harm. They may not usually yell at people or get involved in fights, but, instead, they will do terrible things with themselves. There is not a “worse or better type of borderline”, they’re just different types. We all suffer a lot.

Sorry if my grammar wasn’t very correct. English is not my native language. I hope it was a helpful post for some help here on tumblr.
Stay strong, borderline community!

How Dan and Phil probably broke up #33
  • Phil: ChiCKEn

anonymous asked:

Headcanons for losers club meeting in group therapy.

I took this a bit further than I meant to, I hope you like it though because I love addressing mental health
(I based it off my own experiences and knowledge so I’m so so sorry if anything is not accurate)

- They all have the same therapist (she’s called Jackie) but they’ve never met each other

- she takes them all for different things

- Bill has depression from loosing his brother (‘n-n-not dead…j-j-just m-m-missing) and anger issues from getting frustrated with his stutter

- Beverly has depression and PTSD from her father and addiction to smoking

- Ben has social anxiety and topophobia from moving so much and getting bullied

- Mike has insomnia and PTSD from his parents death and having to work on the farm

- Richie has ADHD, bipolar disorder and addiction to smoking just from genetics and how his parents treat him

- Stan has chronic OCD and anxiety from his father being a perfectionist

- Eddie has chronic Mysophobia , anxiety and is the worst hypochondriac she’s ever seen

- She has problems with all of them being closed off for some reason

- Bill doesn’t like talking because when he tries to talk about loosing his brother his stutter gets worse, then he gets frustrated and gets overwhelmed

- Beverly just can’t bring herself to talk about it, talking about her dad sets off her PTSD and she gets super defensive about her smoking

- Ben is actually quite intimidated by Jackie, he knows deep down that she wants to help but can’t help but feel like he’s just putting his problems on someone else’s shoulders

- Mike is the easiest one to open up, he needs to know that someone is there and supporting him but at the same time he can’t talk about his parents without tearing up

- Richie talks about everything that isn’t his problems and wastes their hour pretty much every time, although some days he comes in and pours his little heart out

- Stan has told himself if he lets people know about his problems and says them out loud then it’ll make it all worse

- Eddies the only one who’ll willingly talk about what’s happening although he’s insecure about telling her incase she thinks he’s stupid

- so basically, she has a hard time with all of them but she still wants to help them all so bad

- So she proposes to her team leader that she should have an extra session with them once a week where they’re all together

- once she gets the all clear, she tells them about it

- They all agree sounded slightly worried and unwilling, other than Richie who was having a fantastic day and is ready to meet his new fucking friends

- the first session was…interesting to say the least

- Jackie set the chairs in a circle

- the first to arrive was Stan, he always needed to be early no matter what incase he missed something and took the seat next to Jackie

- Eddie was the second to arrive, he took the seat on the other side of her

- As a therapist, this warmed her heart as she knew they did that to feel safer

- She introduced them and got them talking about why bedrooms should be kept tidy, needless to say they become friends right away

- Bill was the third to arrive, he had gotten the wrong room at first and was kinda upset

- he walked in whispering the paragraph that helped his stutter, looking down

- He didn’t look up until he was sitting down at the furthest seat from Jackie in the circle

- She started to introduce them but he honestly wasn’t listening, he was too busy staring at the cute boy with curly hair in front of him

- Stan catches him staring but that doesn’t stop him, he just watches as Stan’s cheeks redden

- next to arrive is Ben and Mike, they weren’t really friends yet but they helped each other find the room

- And finally, Bev and Richie walked in taking as if they had been friends for years (slightly late)

- apparently Richie’s lighter had given up on him so Bev offered hers up, they became friends pretty quickly

- Ben is awestruck by Bev

- They both sat in the remaining two seats left

- As soon as Richie sat down he noticed the small boy next to Jackie and ended up doing the exact thing Bill did with Stan

- Jackie goes around the circle, asking everyone to introduce themselves and their problem and also say how they’re feeling today

- When it comes to Richie, he’s still looking at Eddie

- ‘I’m Richie, I have ADHD and I’m so fucking gay right now’

- Everyone (including Jackie) laughs, they like Richie already

- The session went okay, nothing too interesting happened and they just talked about stuff

- Jackie definitely noticed how they became more open as the hour passed by

- Although Richie spends most the time flirting with Eddie

- Stan leaves last, Bill waits for him by the front door and Stan swears he didn’t tear up a little

- Bill does this and walks Stan home after every session, after the sixth time they start holding hands

- Eddie eventually grows super fond of Richie so one day when said boy walks in and doesn’t talk or even really look up the whole hour, Eddie is pretty worried

- after the session, Jackie asks to talk to Richie privately and Eddie waits by the front of the building even though it’s raining

- Richie comes out after ten minutes, sniffling with red tearful eyes

- ‘Oh hey, Eddie spaghetti….isn’t your mom worried you’re not home yet?’

- 'I’m more concerned about you than my mom right now’

- Richie offers to walk Eddie home, giving Eddie his black denim jacket littered with patches somewhere along the way

- Richie also uses this time to explain his ADHD and bipolar disorder to Eddie

- 'Is there any chance I could get my jacket back? I’ll probably stay out for a bit’

- 'Sure…why are you staying out if it’s raining?’

- 'Just, parents and stuff yanno’

- with that, Eddie demands Richie stay over until his mum comes back or the rain stops

- Ben starts writing little notes and poems which he puts on Bev’s seat before every session and are signed anonymously

- Bev thinks it’s Bill at first but she sees Stan and Bill holding hands on the way home so she crosses him off the list

- one day, whilst she’s out smoking to get away from her dad she bumps into Richie

- she decides he’s a good smoking buddy and they become close, sneaking out pretty much every night to smoke together

- Richie saw Ben putting a note on Bev’s seat one day and honestly he just can’t keep it to himself

- 'Why don’t you ask Ben if he’s your secret admirer?’

- 'I might just do that’

- She leaves a note on his seat one day, with her number and the words 'my heart burns there too’

- To say Jackie is pleased with them and her decision to make their group is an understatement

You know what to do (add more) - xo

If you identify with Dan, don’t feel bad about wanting to talk about how you identify with Dan. You’re not making his story about you if the video made you want to talk about it; you’re doing exactly what he wanted, and keeping the conversation going. 

If you identify with Phil because someone you love is depressed, don’t feel bad about wanting to talk about how you identify with Phil or being curious about his side of it. You’re also doing exactly what Dan wanted, because depression impacts more than just the person who has it. 

If you find yourself trying to incorporate this new information about him into what you know of him as a person, you can do that. I think it’s a very natural response most people are having. I do think it’s important to keep in mind that Dan is not a different person today than he was a week ago - it’s just that we know something now we didn’t know then. And Dan is a public figure whose life we, as fans, follow. (Same for Phil, because this has also been a part of Phil’s life for the past eight years.) This should not change how anyone treats Dan but I think it is perfectly natural to do some introspection about what this might have meant to him at different points in his life. Dan did not make this video so no one would talk about it, or him. 

And finally: if you feel like you have feelings about this you need to process and you want to do it through writing meta posts on your own blog, through posting to a shared space, through drawing art, through writing fic, through interpretive basket weaving - do it. I can tell from my twitter feed and my tumblr dash and everywhere else I’m active online that this is hitting a lot of people deeply and personally. People work through emotions and inner turmoil in different ways. I have artist friends that say their art is therapy. I definitely know that writing is therapy for me. Don’t let anyone try to write off your method of emotional release just because it has to do with someone else’s life. 

Be respectful. Be considerate. Romanticizing mental illness is bad. Flat out, I will say that again: romanticizing mental illness is bad.  But creating something to express how you feel about a topic that is moving you emotionally is not inherently romanticizing. It’s okay to be inspired by someone else’s story. It can be done respectfully and this fandom is full of people who will do it respectfully, now in this immediate aftermath and for years to come. 

1) The issue with Kylie Jenner is that she does not realise how much influence she has on young girls and continues to deny that she had work done on her body. She just needs to own up to some things .

2) There is nothing wrong with makeup but when you constantly send messages throughout the world with your unrealistic face and body goals, something is wrong .

3) Don’t come at me with the excuse that it’s her choice and freedom. We wish the world was that simple. People are doing stupid things because it is their right? Freedom? Choice? I call that bull. Just because it’s your choice and I know it’s bad, I can’t and won’t respect it.

Edit 1: 4) Being sexualised and at such a young age is not admirable.

5) She appropriates black culture and is willingly ignorant.

P.S. At the end of the day, what girls are learning from her are superficial things. You want to deny this truth, you can.

Edit 2: P.P.S. I really wanted to add something. I know how influenced Kylie is because of her family, but sometimes I just think that you can’t make that excuse all the time because today we have so many resources that tell us what is right or wrong. Just because you are ignorant about something doesn’t give you the pass to use the “family - influenced pass”. I also understand that she felt the need to be something she isn’t, but when you have that money, can’t you choose a better lifestyle or something which doesn’t make you feel pressured? What irks me is that she complains about feeling pressured by everyone but at the same time does the thing she “realises” is not good. She is so hypocritical. I also understand that life can’t be changed that easily but I have never seen her make the effort. It all feels so shallow.

Happy Tuesday.

I’m calling it “Yurio Catches Puberty” as a working title. (PG for swearing and puberty.) (Warning for body image stuff, very minor.) 

***

“WHEN WILL THIS BE OVER?”

The scream of anguish from the rink’s locker room shower made Yuuri look up sharply. He’d only arrived in St. Petersburg yesterday, but this couldn’t be normal, even if nobody else seemed to be paying the slightest attention.

“AUGH!”

It was definitely Yurio.

“Yurio?” he started to ask, but Georgi clapped a hand over his mouth.

“Don’t engage,” he hissed.

Yuuri looked at him, wide-eyed.

“What’s going on?” he whispered, as Yurio began a steady, at least quieter stream of cursing in Russian, then English, then Japanese that Yuuri definitely hadn’t taught him.

“Puberty,” Georgi said.

Yuuri blinked. “Puberty?” he asked.

Georgi gave him a disgusted look. “Of course,” he mumbled to himself. “The golden boy didn’t suffer puberty…”

He wandered off, now also cursing, and Yuuri had ten seconds of silence before Yurio kicked the shower door open and strode out, towel around his waist.

(There is a readmore below! Read more!)

Keep reading

Zach asking you to sleep over at his house - Part 2

A/N: Sorry on such a long wait for this imagine. I hope that it was worth it though. Enjoy my lovelies:)


The final bell rings, signalling the end of class and also the end of the school day. You start packing up your things with shaky hands, your nerves getting the best of you. It’s Friday today. Which means it’s the beginning of the weekend. This also means that you will be going to Zach’s house, staying there for the next couple of days.

You have been able to stay calm and collected the next few days after he had asked you to sleep over at his house for the weekend, but right now you can’t help but start to feel really antsy. 

Keep reading

170708 Super Junior at SMTown Seoul Concert [Full]

Leeteuk: A day like this has come where we greet you.

Shindong: Since so many of our members aren’t here, I thought we’d be really deflated but everyone here is really giving us a lot of strength, thank you!

Leeteuk: We debuted with the most number of members and today the day has come that we are greeting you with the least number of members out of SM dance singers. Just like the weather right now (it was raining), our hearts also feeling very complicated and frustrated. But, to the SM family that are cheering us on together, we will greet you all. 

SJ: Hello! We are Super Junior! 

Leeteuk: Now that we’ve started, rain has started to fall, or is that my tears? Okay! From Shindong, let’s all greet everyone!

Shindong: Hello everyone, I’m Shindong!

Heechul: Hello, I’m Kim Heechul! I highly~ praise you! 

Yesung: Hello, I’m Yesung, nice to see you all!

Leeteuk: It feels weird greeting you all like this after so long. Hello! I’m Leeteuk! I was discharged in 2014, my first stage after that was at SMTown. 

Leeteuk: The members have all enlisted into the army in sequence, the ones that have discharged are here, since only 4 members can stand on stage today, our Donghae in using his last vacation to be here with us and our Kyuhyun is here too. In order for us to be complete again, our Kyuhyun and Ryeowook will return and after that, I think we will be able to greet you with an even better image. How do our members feel today?

Shindong: It feels kind of new, I also was discharged not long ago and am doing a concert after a long time. I feel like it’s kind of hard to express with words. 

Leeteuk: How about Heechul?

Heechul: There’s only 4 of us… Truthfully, we thought a lot about whether we should or should not stand on stage today as just 4 members, didn’t we? 

Leeteuk: We thought a lot about it.

Heechul: I did think it might be right to stand on stage only when all the members are back but it turned out like this. 

Leeteuk: How about Yesung?

Yesung: Uh, it feels really new…[can’t continue] 

Fans: Don’t cry!

Leeteuk: From backstage, listening to the fans, I thought, “Ah, we’re all coming back now.” Since we’re doing a concert for the first time in ages, from the back, Yunho was saying, “Right! Shall we show them all today?!” (can’t hear) I’ve actually been in SM for 18 years now. I have said that “my life is Super Junior,” but I think it’s not just for me but our members too, and our fans as well, giving up a lot to be by our side for 13 years. Out CEO as well, truthfully gave up on a lot and made us is what I think. In the future too, even though there is a way in, there’s no exiting. Everyone, for as much as you love our SM family, you can come to this concert with your friend, but don’t go anywhere else, you understand, right? I feel like crying right now but since today is a good day, I will try to play with fun! Everyone are you tired yet? You’re not tired, right?! 

Leeteuk: It was a bright atmosphere before, not our SM singers are going to perform cool stages. Your cheers are very important! Shall we scream once? Okay then everybody, all together, scream! Guys, if you only scream this much, our SM singers can’t help but deflate a little. Can you scream more? Okay everyone, thinking of all the stress you guys have had all this time, make some noise together! Please anticipate our comeback album in October! We will sing our song from our special 10-year album, MAGIC! 

[After MAGIC stage ended]

Leeteuk: Sorry, we only did a little. 

eng trans by emzhaek
source: sj_feat_elf, sunmi4912, teukbar, wwmisa, & Iidonghais

Depression and Daniel (but also Phil)

Okay, I feel like today really has to be about Dan, because his depression video was such a phenomenal act of courageous openness and honesty, such a conscious choice to reveal his vulnerability to a phandom that is (upon occasion) rather like a pack of remorseless wolves, that my love for him has … no words. Literally. I can’t find words for how I’m feeling right now.

And I don’t like some of the posts I’m seeing that make it all about what a great friend Phil is. Because today is really about Dan, and about his strength, and his weakness, and his struggle, and his triumph, and his continuing struggle … because he made it quite clear that the struggle hasn’t ended. He’s doing better, but he still struggles.

But, given all that, I just have to add, as someone who has suffered from severe depression, the idea of living with someone as kind and compassionate and generous and gentle and emotionally sensitive as Phil during difficult times like those … well, I can’t deny that it must have been a blessing. Dan’s the one who did the hard work, but I can’t ignore the fact that Phil’s constant presence in his life must have been a balm to his aching heart. (And I know from my husband’s perspective that watching someone you love go through severe depression is incredibly difficult, too. So it couldn’t have been easy for Phil, either.)

I wish every depressed person could have a Phil. Because Dan was struggling, Dan was working damn hard, Dan was in pain and hopeless and blank … and Phil was always there.

If you have friends who are dealing with depression, think about that. About how you can be their Phil. Not jollying them into happiness—because that doesn’t work and I’m sure that’s not what Phil did—but listening to them and being with them and wearing the cheese dress when they ask you to and buying them milkshakes even when they don’t ask.

Happy Klaroline Arbor Day!

The full moons had always meant pain and loneliness. Nothing else.

But on that morning, he woke up naked in the forest, mind filled with hazy memories of another wolf and the teasing games they’d played; how she’d run and he’d chased.

Mate. Mate. Mate. Mate. Ma-

He’d woken up alone… Had it been nothing but a dream?

No. His skin was covered with the evidence of her playful bites; he could still smell her lingering scent in the air, could still sense her presence in the woods.

He needed to find her.

So he got to his feet and started walking, letting his lupine senses guide him as he sought her through the fog that clouded that morning… Until he caught glimpse of golden hair amidst the green leaves.

Klaus called after her, already chasing her – always chasing her.

She turned around to face him, a smile on her face and a heat in her eyes that mirrored his own. She was unashamed in her nakedness as she should be. Perfect, she was utterly perfect and utterly his.

Neither of them found any words that needed to be said in that moment, their minds too filled with this instant need for each other, with a fire that threatened to burn that forest to the ground.

So she took an inviting step towards him and he closed the distance between them. Neither of them cared about the dirt or the cold as she allowed him to push her to her hands and knees, moaning for him so prettily as he filled her, hard and fast and perfect.

Mate. Mate. Mate. Mate. Mate.

Okayy so I recently ruined my life by watching like 14 years of a tv show in less than a month. So now, yes, I sold my soul to the one and only supernatural fandom (courtesy of @downworlderss)

I just got a couple of remarks for this show and none of it had any structure or order so here we go.

*MASSIVE SPOILER WARNING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ALL THE SEASONS*

  • This show fucking ruined me, binge-watched seasons 1-12 in about 4 weeks, my pinterest board had over 700 pins in like a week afterwards
  • It started off genuinely creepy and then kinda digressed and idk if I just got desensitised or what
  • John Winchester is a terrible father
  • Bobby Singer is an amazing father
  • I was really confused when season 5 ended because I still had 6 more dvds (and season 12 on amazon prime cause I couldn’t get the freaking dvd because being British sucks sometimes) and I thought it was ending at season 5 because DEAN WAS FINALLY HAPPY DAMNIT
  • It was about season 7 when I got a new pair of glasses ‘cause my eyesight got worse and made the realisation that JENSEN ACKLES HAS FRECKLES WHAT
  • Called it that Chuck was God from the moment I saw him- he literally fucking told them he was a god come onnn
  • Dean’s contact name for Castiel in season 11 or 12 or whatever better be a fucking joke because it’s Cas not Cass
  • I thought I couldn’t hate Metatron more and then he goes and spells his name with a double S and I decided he needed to die
  • The subtitles also say Cass (on amazon anyway) and.. just no, okay? It’s CAS
  • Cried when Cas killed Balthazar
  • Kevin’s life went to absolute shit and idk if it was terrifying or hilarious
  • THE FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN J2 AND MISH IRL YES
  • Naomi is actually the worst, why do more people not hate on her? She tortured Cas and I am not okay with that I was happier when she died than when Metatron did I’m not joking
  • Sam kinda breaks my heart
  • THE WINCHESTER RELATIONSHIP SAM AND DEAN HAVE SUCH BROTHERLY COMPASSION DIE FOR EACH OTHER ALWAYS
  • Gadreel was decent, okay? I think I genuinely liked him and I don’t care.
  • I mean I know he killed Kevin but still
  • CROWLEY OWNS THE FREAKING MOON
  • Cas, honey, you’re a wonderful person/angel but mannn do you fuck up sometimes, I mean seriously
  • Misha Collins is a fucking incredible human being and his acting skills give me goosebumps I’m deadly serious. What with Cas and Crazy!Cas and Castifer and Godstiel and Levi!Cas and MetaMisha I have so much respect for this man and he is a national treasure.. of America.. damnit
  • I threw something when Charlie died
  • Lucifer is actually really cute (mainly just when he’s in Sam’s head though) but yeah, I think I love satan is this an issue
  • Okay but sometimes it hits me that Jared and Jensen and Misha are just three middle-aged dads running around pretending to stab things and smite demons I think that’s beautiful
  • I think I cried when the angels fell I can’t remember
  • Fuck Adam, I don’t care about him honestly- if he comes back he’s gonna be a crazy bitch- we should all just forget about him like the boys did
  • I’m pretty sure Mary Winchester is actually a terrible mother
  • Jody Mills is a fucking incredible mother, she’s like mum bobby
  • Season 12 made me hate my own nationality because THE BRITISH MEN OF LETTERS CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES OKAY I was so happy when the freedomsquad rolled in with their whiskey and flannel and UGHH it was so good to see Britain fall, okay?
  • Apart from Mick, he was okay… before he died
  • Okay, but the season 12 finale
  • I WAS SOBBING FOR A SOLID 14 MINTUES
  • I HAD TO LEAVE MY HOUSE I WALKED UNTIL I DIDN’T KNOW WHERE I WAS
  • TURNED OUT I WALKED 6 MILES FROM MY HOUSE SO I HAD TO WALK 6 MILES BACK
  • 12 MILES BECAUSE OF CAST-FUCKING-IEL
  • Dean’s reaction made me wanna throw myself off a bridge
  • I didn’t even care about the Nephilim by that point
  • Just Cas’s relationship w/ Dean (I am neutral ground between platonic and destiel atm) but whatever you think you cannot deny that these two fucking love each other and it’s just so damn beautiful
  • JIMMY NOVAK IS THE BEST FATHER IN THIS THING
  • The Novak storyline just makes me cry
  • Lucifer Cas was genuinely disturbing at times but this fucking line is now my life

  • Actually so many things Castifer says and just the way Misha portrays all of the alter egos. It’s just amazing.
  • When we’re introduced to Levi!Cas Misha freaking Collins wtf how do you do that crazy thing with your eyes that makes you look like a completely different person
  • When Dean calls Cas his brother and says ‘i want you to know that’ is so fucking important to me because this wonderful being has been hunted by his angel brothers and sisters and Dean Winchester does not idly throw around a word like brother this scene was so special
  • Assbutt
  • Castiel’s wings scorched onto the ground just hit me so fucking hard and goddamnit it I can’t deal with that because he’s actually dead
  • Just… Castiel

-I’ll probably think of a load more this show man…


UPDATE:

  • HOW THE FRICKATY FRACK DID I FORGET GABRIEL
  • The car scene with Gabe and Cas and the parallels between them and the Winchester boys
  • BITCH PLEASE YOU’VE BEEN GOD MORE OFTEN THAN DAD HAS
  • I don’t think I stressed Balthazar enough because his death and the fact that Cas did it killed me.. and him
  • Crowley crowley crowley crowley
  • These boys are frustrating as fuck sometimes get your damn feelings sorted out you are brothers for fucks sake love each other always
  • It’s just when they’re like ‘oh we can’t be brothers anymore how could you do that to me’ and I’m sat there thinking ‘YOU LITERALLY DID THE SAME EXACT THING TO HIM LAST FUCKING SEASON COME ON’
  • Alsooo when Cas is Castifer everyone just seems to forget that, hello, CAS IS BEING POSSESSED BY LUCFIER DO YOU WANNA KEEP HIM SAFE IS HE YOUR FRIEND OR WHAT. And then Dean goes ‘what about Cas’ and I’m marginally satisfied
  • This scene
  • LOVED THIS SCENE
  • I always love Lucifer until he goes after Cas and then I hate Lucifer and when he’s doing something else I love him again
  • This is not devil worship
  • Sam’s exasperation and the bitch face is honestly so funny to me I have no idea
  • SASSTIEL
  • The fact that Cas thinks so little of himself that the only way he believes he can be ‘of use’ to the boys is BY ENDLESSLY SACRIFICING HIMSELF
  • STOP CAS
  • YOU’RE FUCKING LOVED
  • Also the way Dean screams Cas’s name and how Sam has to drag him back through the portal to their side in the season 12 finale PFFFH don’t even get me started
  • So is Gabe alive or what?
  • So is Cas alive or what?
  • SO AM I ALIVE OR WHAT

UPDATEUPDATE

  • The storyline with Hannah and Cas was SO uncomfortable
  • Like, they’re literally siblings and the whole weird half-romantic subplot was just… ergh
  • I’m so fucking hyped for season 13, give me scooby-doo spn and I sure hope it’s Gabriel because, honestly, who else would put them in scooby-doo, pleaseeee give me richard speight jr
  • I’ve been reading a ton of fanfic, this has ruined me. There’s this wonderful author on fanfic.net called 29pieces who does amazing fics and they’re my life now
  • Cas’s eyes yes please give me the sky
  • Spn is creepy ass monsters and traumatizing characters and heartbreaking scenes
  • But sometimes they just throw in a crack episode and they keep me sane, honestly. I would be in a limitless pool of tears if not for the crack eps and the gag reels
  • THE GAG REELS
  • THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES HE GOES FROM CAS TO MISHA IN LIKE A SINGLE SECOND
  • Back to sadness
  • CAS’S FACE AFTER METATRON SAYS ‘he’s dead too’
  • And he sees dean’s blood on the angel blade
  • HEARTBREAKING NO THANK YOU
  • SEASON 9. MAKES. ME. SO ANGRY. HOW DARE SAM AND DEAN HUNT WHILE CAS IS HOMELESS AND COLD AND A L O N E
  • I’m so sad about Cas being homeless because Misha and oh my god
  • Future!Cas also makes me sad because I know it’s funny and all to see Cas high but thinking about the road that led him there is not
  • Thinking about Cas’s depression that led him to drug abuse keeps me up at night
  • I NEED CHUCK TO TELL CAS HE’S HIS FAVOURITE BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY PLEASE
  • My angel feels inadequate and I cannot handle that today 
  • Everything about Cas just makes me sad
The Seven Days of Hell - LWTM #1

Imagine: Living with the Marauders and when that time of the month comes around, no one knows what to do. Well, except Sirius. He has a plan. Plus, this gif of Sirius.

Originally posted by helloimaginesgalore

Sirius walked into the kitchen, clutching a calendar and a cigarette. He was in scarlet and gold pajama pants, a pair of your rainbow colored toe socks, hair tousled and wand tucked behind his ear. Remus sat at the kitchen table, clutching the Daily Prophet and a cup of coffee. James sat in another chair, eyes closed. Peter sat across from him, lazily levitating the pepper shaker into the air and moving it up and down, occasionally sprinkling some in James Potter’s hair. 

“It is the first day of the seven days of hell,” Sirius announced, holding the calendar up and pointing to the date. The block had ‘the flood begins’ in red marker in James’ handwriting inside it. Remus put the paper down and took a sip of his coffee, staring at Sirius with raised eyebrows. James’ eyes shot open. Peter lowered the pepper shaker. Sirius spoke again, “I fear while this day will be full of terrible, treacherous trials, it will not be the worst of them. Tomorrow, I feel, will be the most intense battle of these seven days of dangerous conflicts. Today, we will prepare ourselves secretly, while also making the day more tolerable for our dearest Y/N.” 

“And how to you propose we do that, Pads?” Remus asked. 

“Ah, Moony, my skeptical mate, I have been up all night preparing,” Sirius answered, tapping the calendar with his wand and making it vanish. “In my eight hours of debate with myself on how to go about this correctly, I have decided the best way to accomplish a twelve hour truce with the bleeding, brooding beast is simply breakfast in bed.”

“Well,” James piped up. “I think that’s a great plan, Sirius. But, I must say that the best way to start off this genius plan is not to call Y/N a bleeding, brooding beast.” 

“My apologies, Prongs,” Sirius said with a smug smirk. “A moment of weakness, my friend, a moment of fear. Now, since this is my wonderfully thought out, foolproof, perfect plan, I’ve decided that I’m captain of this operation. So, with that being said - Moony, get on the eggs! Peter, there’s fresh oranges in the cupboard. Make our girl the best glass of O.J. she’ll ever taste! Prongs, the bacon, boy! Get to work!” 

Remus stood up, depositing his coffee cup in the sink, and moving towards the stove, “And just what will you be doing, Padfoot?” 

“What will I be doing?” Sirius asked incredulously. “I, Moony, will be making the most perfectly toasted, precisely buttered toast for our dearest housemate!” 

With this being said and orders being distributed, the kitchen was launched into a chaos of shuffling feet, sizzling grease, and Sirius marching around with his toast, barking orders at everyone. In twenty minutes, Y/N’s breakfast was done and plated wonderfully. Sirius had prepared a cute wooden tray with a sky blue plate filled with eggs, bacon, and toast upon it. On it also sat a glass of orange juice and tucked under the plate was a chocolate frog, courtesy of Remus. Beside her plate was a small bowl of sliced strawberries and a fork wrapped in a napkin. 

Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus all stood huddled around it, contemplating. Peter let out a sigh, “Do you think this is enough? For a truce?” 

“It has to be,” Sirius answered. “Anything else would be far too much of a risk. It wouldn’t be thought through. Not foolproof.” 

With a shaky breath, James hoisted the tray into the air with his wand, “I’ll go first.” 

“Thank you for your sacrifice, James,” Sirius nodded, following him up the stairs. They walked in a straight, tense line. James, then Sirius, Peter behind him, and Remus taking up the rear. They reached the door much faster than any of them would’ve liked. 

“She likes you the best Moony,” Peter hissed. “You knock.” 

“Oh, absolutely not,” Remus replied hastily with a grin. “She definitely fancies James.”

With a small squeak, James raised his hand to the door and knocked thrice. They all stood outside awaiting a response. Seconds later, they received one. A sleepy voice on the inside croaked out, “Come in.” 

Peter pushed open the door and James strutted through, hoisting your food through the door and over to you, allowing it to land gently in your lap. The orange juice barely sloshed. Remus spoke first as Y/N gawked silently at them. He grinned, “This is our offering, O’ Bloody One.” 

Sirius’ eyes went wide and he kicked Remus in the shin. But, you were laughing. The tension in the room fell and the boys all slumped with relief. You smiled down at your breakfast and back up at the Marauders. “You boys are so sweet.” 

“Anything for our girl,” Sirius grinned. 

Silence filled the room like a gas and the boys just stood there, watching you chomp down on bacon. After two pieces, you rolled your eyes, “Well c’mon then, loves. Are we not going to have a lovely breakfast and make fun of the muggle television this morning?” 

With grunts and giggled, the boys all snuggled into your king size bed. James inched in beside you, snaking arm arm around your waist. Sirius plopped a pillow down on your legs, laying horizontally across the bed, head on your legs. Peter filed in on your other side, laying his head on your shoulder. Remus placed himself in the space between James and Sirius, sticking a pillow on James’ stomach and leaning against it, sprawling his legs out across Sirius’ torso. James turned on the TV with a click of a button. 

A blonde newswoman appeared on the screen pointing at what appeared to be a cold front. You grinned to yourself as James pressed a kiss to your cheek and Sirius started giggling about the misspelling of the word front on the screen. 

“What kind of word is ‘fornt’?” he asked, laughing. 

Faking your period had to be one of the best things you’d ever done.

LWTM #2: https://sleekeazyz.tumblr.com/post/161009704193/the-black-cat-flu-lwtm-2

Hello world! Today I have been uploading quite a lot hehe..anyway on the 7th it was @therealjacksepticeye ‘s birthday! Honestly I had completely forgotten about it with my grandfathers memorial and all. You see the weirdest part of all is that the last time I drew something for Jack it was for the game “That Dragon,Cancer” ,I was so surprised and happy that he saw it ^^ , at that time I also wrote something under the the drawing. I wrote my feelings on the subject of cancer and how my grandfather was ill with it. It happened that on the 8th of Febrouary of 2016 my grandfather died after being in intence care for a week. So today was actualy his one year memorial…the reason why I forgot about Jack. But while I was kinda down and all I saw his video “The day of birth” and it tottaly cheered me up instantly so I sat down and drew this. It’s cute and it’s my first time trying to draw @wiishu…. I hope I did good heheh [also I may or may not have done a small wiishu marathon lol ] Anyway I think I vended long enough… cheerful and all ahahaha…I need to get my cheerful mojo back aaaagh… I WIISHU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAAAAAACK!! yup that’s more like it :)

EXO: boyfriend Chen
  • oh boi this is my soft smol dirty minded boi
  • like before you even started to date, he’d make your day every single day w/ his adult humor and tbh this is probably one of the reasons you finally fell for him
  • aka don’t lie we’re all dirty minded 
  • :’))))))))
  • so when he realized that he’s starting to fall for you, this would really shake him up man
  • he was sure as hell he didn’t want to be stuck in the friendzone 
  • bc like……..he was 500% sure he was never going to feel the same way about someone if you were to reject him…………….ur his best friend man
  • so he told you straight up what the deal was 
  • and if it was any other person you’d think it was kinda hostile how he kinda cornered you and basically stated all the reasons why he loves you and gave you a choice whether to love him back or not and it’s like ??? 
  • but it’s Jongdae so
  • you were like…………deal
  • but also you probably can’t help but kiss him bc his satisfied smirk is unreal
  • okay now we got that out of the way
  • dude he is nOT a morning person
  • and whenever he’d pull you back in his arms when you want to get up, he feels bad about it afterwards ??
  • “y/n I am so very sorry I put you in this situation here today”
  • “ok so why are you still cuddling onto my leg”
  • “………………….it’s warm and also have I told you I loved you yet ;;;;;;”
  • but when it comes to making breakfast foods, he’s hella ready
  • w/ his ‘kiss the chef’ apron and spatula and everything aw
  • however there won’t be much kissing going on bc he’s deadly serious about perfecting those eggs and cook the sausages at the right temperature
  • afterwards he’s like “aren’t you glad your boyfriend is a great cook who spoils you every morning ;))))”
  • “jongdae it’s literally almost noon”
  • *feeds u a sausage* “shhhhh
  • in front of the other members, he will not hold back on his affections for you
  • he’s straight up french kissing you in their dressing room before a show and you won’t even realize how long you’ve been on the dresser until the members get agitated and call for him
  • “listen we know ur both like little lovesick bunnies but our company’s gonna literally kill us if we’re late to another show is2g jongdae”
  • he’s dead set on making you learn exo’s routines and honestly it’s so amusing
  • mostly bc you’re always complimenting him on his dancing skills 
  • “Aw baby you were dancing so great, you should join the dance line and leave all the singing to minnie”
  •  you probably will regret that bc he won’t stop belting off his high notes for the whole day bc you still low key hurt his feelings 
  • “no, baby, you gotta move your legs like this but keep your hand at your shoulder!!!!”
  • “babe look, I don’t think any normal human being besides exo can get the monster routine right just let me live”
  • “ok time for call me baby, then :’)”
  • he’s literally just always clinging onto your arm or waist 
  • and it’s kinda comforting bc you just have to turn your head and tell him a joke or something that just popped in your mind 
  • and he’ll always laugh and poke your sides 
  • and kiss your forehead all softly and probably makes you blush hella 
  • ohmygod I’m soft for him 
  • sometimes you’ll just be cuddled into his side as he plays w/ your hair and working on writing lyrics at the same time
  • and so he’ll absentmindedly hum along 
  • and freaks out when you speak up all of the sudden and tell him his voice is so soothing 
  • but now he’s screaming as he usually does bc you scared him lmao
  • he whines cutely in your ear a lot bc he knows it amuses you
  • he’s willing to slow dance w/ you anytime, anywhere 
  • like if he just hears a slow song or……….”Your song” playing, he’d pull you flush against his chest and leans his forehead against yours 
  • and the world just kinda slows down when you’re stood right here w/ him, so it ain’t all that bad 
  • always hyping him up over texts when he’s away and he happens to suddenly send you a selfie 
  • “OMFG that’s the loml?????? how is it legal for u to look like that in a suit when i’m not there ;((((”
  • but seriously tho he looks so fine in a suit
  • and he’s always dressing up and taking you out to fancy dates, but tbh all you’d care about is sneaking pics of him as he’s ordering or just staring at you without knowing
  • but he knows afagshdjkflglh
  • he loves taking baths w/ you and does it often after he’s worn out after practice 
  • and he’s such a gentleman like 
  • he’ll get out of the tub before you and hold up a towel and assist you when you step out omfg 
  • also always buys you flowers for no occasion ??? like he’s just 
  • “it’s what every boyfriend should do :’)”
  • jongdae pls
  • leaning your head on his shoulders as much as you can bc he’s so smol and soft and he loves this 
  • he’s just so cuddly in general like I don’t think you understand 
  • and also you should know that once he starts kissing you, things go downhill and neither of yall wanna stop anyway so
  • life’s good w/ dae 
  • so take care of him and love him and cuddle him 💛

Originally posted by sevnghyuns

for todays 1 day 1 shouritsu i tried animating for the first time!!

(ritsu voice) who the hell is thi– oh its suzuki!

its not done yet and theres quite a few parts i want to fix and i want to color it but im just really excited about making characters move ;__;