this is almost two weeks over due

Strangers II Haymitch & Beth

The cravings were hitting him hard, but there wasn’t a drop of alcohol in his house.

He usually had a good amount of control over his drinking and was able to make his supplies last until the next shipment was delivered, but when times got particularly bad, he often ran out a day or two before.

Haymitch won his games almost ten years ago and now, at the age of 25, he was two weeks away from his 9th reaping. The memories of his own games and the subsequent years made his nightmares and flashbacks even more difficult to handle, resulting in him drinking District 12 dry of alcohol. But he only had to wait a few more hours…

The shipment was due at 10am and Haymitch was already down at the Hob by 9.30, waiting. To distract himself from the pain of being sober, he looked around the market place, his eyes scanning the people there. That was when he spotted the blonde woman being cornered by two peacekeepers. It was clear they were trying to flirt with her, but she looked terrified. Before Haymitch could stop himself, he was on his feet and moving over to them, stepping between the peacekeepers and the girl.

“Back the fuck up, alright?” He said gruffly. “You don’t wanna deal wi’ me if you hurt her, and you don’t wanna deal with our father either. Go on. Get away.”

The two men retreated and once they’d left the Hob, Haymitch walked away too, assuming his previous position outside of the liquor store and not even giving the girl a second glance.

The bad news is…we have to wait two weeks for the next ep.

The good news about the bad news is that I will be almost completely MIA due to a workshop at work that I have all this week, so I have the whole second week to fangirl and speculate and analyze (over and over) and write (at least we can hope I’ll do that).

Anxiety Flu

So, I’ve had the flu for like a week (I’m still not well and I’m quite worried about going in to work tomorrow but having been absent for two weeks, I think it’s time I made the attempt) and I have alternated between semi-lucid and SUPER ANXIOUS depending on when I took my cold medication. Like, I’m flipping my shit over something that’s not due at work until mid-May. 

But one of the few benefits of having dealt with depression for twenty years is that I know when something I’m feeling is unrealistic; not enough to help, but enough to prevent myself from doing stupid shit, which is almost as good. 

So I, knowing that my anxiety was irrational, googled “Anxiety” and “Flu” and APPARENTLY THE FLU CAN GIVE YOU ANXIETY. And not just like, “oh shit I’m sick and stuff is building up” anxiety. Like literal biological Capital-A Anxiety. It seems that cytokines, which are a kind of cell protein, are linked to anxiety and depression, and are released in way higher numbers when you’re sick. I haven’t sought out the studies yet, but there are studies which indicate that reports of depression actually peak during high flu season.

So if you’re sick and freaked out, FYI, there’s probably a stronger biological link than you suspected. Blame it on the cytokines! 

Day one of pre-peak week is going well! Minus the shit show this morning that was my school life… Going to the wrong class room causing me to miss a class, explaining to a very young teacher that I won’t be here on two Friday’s because I’m a bikini competitor and have comps those days #greatfirstimpression, and almost falling down the stairs and breaking my face. 😶 welcome to my life 😂I’m surprised I didn’t fall over squatting or fly off the treadmill 😂 but on the bright side, I had an amazing workout and HIIT a session! Partly due to the shot of pink lemonade C4 I took right before 😏💃 My coach has me doing circuit training instead of supersets and lets just say I thought I was gonna die. 😭 in the best way possible 💁going to be uploading a new vlog tonight, so keep an eye out for that! ☺️I’ve loved vlogging this prep and I can’t wait to take yall through all of my comps and through my off season as well! ☺️link is in my bio! ❤️ ____________________________________ 🍋 code “Marisa” for 25% off and free shipping 🍋