this is ah


170327; #HappyLalisaDay
iridescent: producing a display of rainbow-like colours

fire is supposed to be cleansing.
you read that somewhere. nature’s catharsis.

people say you don’t look before you leap.
shoot first ask questions when you’re dead.
boy explosive. boy self-immolating for fun.
boy proving them right.

the box of matches holds thirty fragile opportunities
to start over new and raw and conflagrant.
you’ve learned to shut down the voice that says don’t.
you’re not sure it exists anymore.

there are bruises like constellations making universes
out of your throat. marks like possession, like mine, like yours.
marks like possession but you belong nowhere, to no one.
marks like possession but you can’t climb into the spaces
between his ribs and settle next to his heart
without turning it black like ash. black like yours.

you want to burn for thinking you even had a chance.
you want to burn the clothes he pulled off of you.
you want fire until everything becomes like blowing glass,
fire until you can mold yourself into a thing
that doesn’t need intimacy.
love-making without the love.
just making.
remaking. unmaking.
you find yourself in the in-between too often to be comfortable;
not quite whole, not quite non-existent.

you are the firefront.
you, yourself, and that flame on your fingertips, his taste
still on your tongue. you would think that dozens of burns later,
you would have learned how to fix yourself by now.
spark into being. condense into heat. explode into a blistering,
invisible touch that evaporates with the light of day.

boy cleansing him. boy ruining self.

—  “FIREFRONT” [cowritten by h.x.l. (@p-ercolating) & e.k.t. (@anarchetypal)]

This is the most morbid Lego set we own, haha. (I like how in Lego’s version, Anakin’s still got his original hand – and possibly his legs – he’s just lost his hair and looks mildly put out by all of this.) You can flip Anakin around and Darth Vader, in full suit, is on the other side of the table. 

(This is a set that came out in 2005 when Episode 3 premiered. I’m pretty sure I bought it for my husband when I was in college or around that time, hahaha. Truly, I have grown and changed so much.)