this is actually the background of my phone

Actually genuinenly enjoying my customer service job sometimes

Customer (calling from Ireland): “Yes hello, I would like to -”

Sheep in the background: *gentle baa*

Customer: “Uh, sorry, what I want to do is -”

Sheep: *slightly more insistent baa*

Customer: “No, not now! -cough- Excuse me. I have a reservation and -”


Customer: Arnulf! Please be quiet, I am on the phone! … Sorry, I sincerely apologize on behalf of Arnulf.”

me: “I love and forgive him.”

Customer: “Don’t, he doesn’t deserve it. Anyway, I’m calling about -”

Arnulf: *small, very self-satisfied baa*

Originally posted by margoroquelaure

don’t get me wrong, i love seeing those court of dreams + instagram edits, they’re GORGEOUS and often really clever, but like, i want to draw attention to the fact that there is 0 percent chance, realistically, that each and every one of them would have a perfectly balanced Aesthetic grid going on

The Court of Dreams + Instagram, For Realsies:

Rhys: assorted things he finds pretty (tending towards the abstract; probably thinks he’s A Photographer but isn’t) with needlessly overdramatic, sweeping, vague statements about feelings or love or life’s journey attached to each one. lots of pictures of Feyre with GUSHING PARAGRAPHS about how much he adores her.

Az: his profile just says “mor made me do this.” has posted exactly one picture and it’s of a cool cloud or something.

Cassian: WORKOUT SELFIES. hashtags about illyrianLYFE and The Grind. candids of Nesta looking annoyed captioned with 80 thirsty emojis. occasional low-tier memes well past their expiration date poached from some third-hand site like ifunny. comments on everything everyone else posts.

Mor: actually pretty aesthetic. posts The Most out of everyone. the OOTD, ~brunch and mimosas with the girls!~, killer selfies, Sephora Shopping Haul, etc kind of trendy poster. Also in this AU she has a cat and posts a shitton of pictures of the cat, and also Azriel with the cat.

Elain: Lots of flowers, some selfies, mushy quotes about positivity and friendship, but also that friend who cannot shut the fuck up about her relationship. “Nesta, I have to unfollow Elain,” Cassian says blearily over breakfast while scrolling through his phone. “My entire feed right now is pictures of her and Lucien kissing. She’s got song quotes under each one. I can’t do this.”

Lucien: Doesn’t have instagram, but spends all his time getting into fights about politics and his opinions about movies on twitter.

Nesta: Infrequent poster. mostly pics of places she travels to. takes some selfies of dramatic makeup looks she’s trying, and never smiles in any of them. there are occasional videos of Cassian being goofy, though, and MAYBE that’s her giggling in the background but she’d deny it.

Feyre: Actually a normal internet human. Posts her art, ~aesthetic~ photos of her studio, occasional pictures of her out with friends. There is the rare cute picture of rhys, captioned with something like “i guess I love this idiot” in hilarious contrast to his ramblings about her. (There are no selfies. Feyre’s not good at selfies. Mor has tried to teach her how to Work The Angles but Feyre feels too weird taking pictures of herself.)

Amren: I can’t believe people think Amren would have any social media at all. She’s like a combination of Rosa from B99 and Ron Swanson: “You people already know too much about me.”

Texts Between Strangers

Note: female/woman ‘reader’

Hey, it was really nice meeting you last night. Maybe we can grab lunch tomorrow? This is Cisco btw.

The text pops up on your phone screen as you’re scrolling through social media. You’ve been lounging in bed on this rainy Saturday morning planning on doing absolutely nothing for the rest of the day but binge watch The Walking Dead and order thai take out later. You just stare at the text for a minute, blinking.

You definitely didn’t give your number to anyone last night because all you did yesterday was pull a double shift at Jitters because they’ve been short staffed lately. A long day at work usually left you looking a bit wrecked so you’re damn sure there wasn’t anyone slipping their digits your way either.

This person has the wrong number.

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anonymous asked:

I struggle with depression and self loathing. It's like not matter what I can not lose weight. I'm 200 and I should weigh 120-125 so I'm very over weight. I want to lose weight I just am always sleeping and eating. And repeat. I just can't find the energy or motivation. And constantly I'm finding something I don't like about my body. I can't stand my double chin/neck and my breasts. Especially my breasts they're just so big and saggy. I don't know what to do. Any tips? Thank you for your time

I’m going to share some of my personal story because I feel that it’s very relevant. when I was 14-15 years old I struggled quite a bit with my weight. I gained and lost, but mainly gained. I had a lot of stress issues and insecurity, mainly because of my mental illnesses, negative comments from family, and society’s bullshit ideals. it truly just made me hate myself more. I often ate in times of stress and boredom and I also ate a lot of dairy which I am actually allergic to. 

when I was 18 years old I went back to england. I weighed roughly 200 lbs at the time, and I made the conscious decision to eat healthier and lose the unwanted weight. I genuinely thought most of my problems would go away if I got thinner. I will not lie to you, I lost the weight at an unhealthy pace. I was very sick at the time. I was suddenly underweight at 5′10 with even more problems than before.

losing that weight did not make me feel stronger. it did not make me feel more proud or accomplished. most importantly, it did not make me feel more beautiful or more desired and my problems definitely did not disappear.

the point of my story is that truly loving yourself and feeling beautiful genuinely starts with self acceptance and fat acceptance for everyone including yourself. since then I have gained 10+ lbs of healthy weight and I am still working on myself physically and mentally. having issues with body image is something that has to be worked on throughout your life. 

I have a few tips for weight loss, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight as long as you know that you are extremely beautiful at any size. even with your double chin and your saggy boobs. try to remember that boob saggage comes with weight loss- and that doesn’t make them any less cute or beautiful !!! I am not ashamed to say my boobs changed quite a bit throughout the years. I love them just the same even if I feel a bit insecure about them sometimes.

• start your journey with inspiration and motivation. surround yourself with positivity. change your phone background, put up new pictures in your room, and follow a ton of inspirational accounts. do some research and look for models at any size who inspire you. there is actually a lack of body diversity on this website so I found some gorgeous dolls that might inspire you.

diana veras

brittnee blair

anita marshall

• plan your meals ahead of time. you don’t need to cut back on portions- just add more natural healthy things into your meals. losing weight is not about restricting so eat up !!!! 

• try to avoid processed, high fat, sugar and high salted foods on the regular. save those for well deserved treats. 

• get at least 15 minutes of sun and 25 minutes of exercise every day, even if it’s just a walk around the block. getting into this habit is good for both your body and mind.

• losing weight the healthy way takes a lot of commitment and patience, but it is very much achievable and possible. you can do anything you put your mind to.

• practice self love and self care every day. forget everything negative you have been told and appreciate everything about your body. I made this weekly printable self care checklist that you can download for free if you want. 

I love you darling. I hope these are all helpful to you. please know you are more than welcome to message me anytime, and I wish you luck. remember that you are beautiful. 💖💖

so I was just ordering a pizza, and the call picked up and I could hear the background sounds of the pizzeria, but no one said anything. So, naturally, I just assumed that they were away from the phone, or something. Anyways, SpongeBob was on the TV and I was quoting it under my breath like “Ravioli, Ravioli give me the formuioli.” And then I heard this laughter from the phone, and this girl was like “Did you just call to whisper that into the phone, or are you actually going to order something?” I have never been more embarrassed someone save me

Glitch In The Matrix Stories #25

How Is This Possible? What Did I See? 

So I was just sitting chilling with my brother and girlfriend and for some reason I casually closed my eyes, and I LEGIT saw a very vivid scenery that I never saw before in my entire life.

The scenery was as if I was lying on the ground looking up at a small waterfall with trees on the left side and normal grass on the right side. This waterfall fell into a little river thing that I was apparently lying at the shore of. All of this was happening with movement- it wasn’t just a still view. I was also wide awake and describing to them what i was seeing I’m real time.

Once I opened my eyes, I tried to close it back to continue the view but nothing happened.

I can remember EXACTLY what I saw extremely clearly and i have never seen such a thing in my life. I never ever experienced any sort of waterfall like areas.

Credits to: t3chsmash

My Primary School Has Changed

I have no idea how to describe this, it’s so strange. My primary school, where I’ve spent 9 years of my life (1996-2005), has completely changed. It was a building with 3 floors and it had 30-years anniversary when I was in 7th grade. 

Today I went to my hometown and the building has only 2 floors. I asked my mom what happened to the school and she had no idea what am I asking. She said that the school has been like that since 1980′s. But the school was built in 1973.

And the school’s name has changed too. When I went home, I went to see some old papers and documents I had from that school. The name was different there too!

Credits to: JoeRossu

I Visited A Place That Doesn’t Exist

Even though this happened 6 years ago it still creeps me out. It’s frustrating to think I’ll never be able to understand it. 

When I was 14, I lived with my mother and we had this gas heater thing which was used very rarely. One day it broke, so we took it to a repair service and this is where it starts to get weird. The repair service was in this extremely rusty, suspicious looking building that I recognized because I passed by it everyday on my walk to school. But I always thought it was abandoned- there were no signs that any business was run in there. Never saw any people coming in or out. Still, I didn’t think about it then because why would I, right? 

Anyway, we didn’t actually go inside. My mother just knocked on the door and a man in a white uniform answered. In the background I could see maybe like 3 or 4 people in the same white uniforms- like, glowing white. Also, the walls. They were glowing blue. So bright and sparkling it hurt my eyes to look at them. The man just took our heater, didn’t ask any questions about it or usual things like my mother’s name, address and phone number. It was just like: ‘oh hello, I have a broken heater!’ 'okay cool!’ 'I’ll come pick it up someday!’ 'okay bye!’ and that’s all. 

We went back home and thought nothing about it. After a week my mother called them and asked if she could come to get it and they said there was a burglary and our heater had been stolen along with all other clients’ things. I don’t remember why but we drove there anyway. 

When we arrived, there was… nothing. It was the same old, rusty building I always walked past by. Looked abandoned as usual. No sign anything was ever there. My mother went to some store nearby to ask what happened to the repair service and people there were astonished and said there had never been any repair service or anything similar. After that, nothing more was done about it. My mother never called them again. 

After a couple of months she went into the basement to look for something but guess what she found instead? Yes. The damn heater. We are both sure we only had one heater like that in our house and that’s the one that had been 'stolen’ from the 'repair service’. 

Now it’s been years since that happened. The heater is long gone but it’s the most creepy and unexplainable thing in my life. My mother remembers it the same way I do, the same exact details- people in weird white uniforms (people who work at repair services usually wear casual clothing, right? they don’t look like they are some wannabe surgeons), the strange, unsettling, glowing blue light/walls, the suspicious fact they didn’t ask her for any contact info or what’s wrong with the device. 

She doesn’t even remember why she picked that place or where she knew about it from, or where she got their phone number. Now that I’m reading it it sounds dumb and fake but I swear it’s true and it both excites and terrifies me. I’ve never told anyone about it because they’d think I was delusional and I’d think so too if it weren’t for the fact my mother remembers it all as well.

Credits to: livelaughvomit

Disabled Man Mysteriously Disappeared

So this is the weirdest thing I have ever experienced that I have never been able to explain. I was riding with my mom and sister to be dropped off at school. I was about 13 at the time. We stopped at a red light at a large and busy intersection when an old man in an automatic wheelchair crossed the crosswalk in front of us and reached the other side. He stopped at the corner and just kinda sat there. 

Then a car passed in front of him and he was gone. I watched the whole thing, he just disappeared. There wasn’t enough time for him to wheel away and the car couldn’t have picked him up. I didn’t really think much of it, thinking maybe I just imagined it until about 30 seconds later my mom says, “OK, did either of you see where that guy in the wheelchair went?" 

I was like, "Yea, he just disappeared.” She said she thought she just imagined it too. The even weirder thing was that my sister didn’t even see him. He crossed right in front of our car but she didn’t see him at all. To this day we both have no explanation for what happened.

Credits to: The1stRichard

Sleepy Surprise || Jack Maynard Imagine

“Hello everyone and welcome back to my channel or hello if you’re new!” Joe says to his vlogging camera, “And today, I’m picking up my little sister up from the airport.” He smiles wider when his eyes meet mine.

“Joe!” I shout my feet carrying me to him. He quickly slams his camera into his pocket as he wraps his arms around my waist and picks me up.

“I’ve missed you Small,” He says quietly.

“Already with the nickname?” I ask pulling away from our hug. He laughs but doesn’t say anything, instead, he takes my hand and pulls me along to collect my bags.

“Jack doesn’t know you’re home,” He pipes up smirking. We’re sat in my car that I leave with Joe when I go away as I’m a Flight Attendant.

“I was wondering why my boyfriend didn’t come to pick me up,” I say laughing.

“I want to surprise him for a video,” He says.

“Yeah okay,” I say laughing, “Whats the plan?”

As Joe tells me the plan and we get to his house I get more and more excited to see my boyfriend for the first time in a week. Let the surprise begin.

I’m hiding in Joe’s guest bedroom waiting for an unsuspecting Jack Maynard to walk in. I pace around the room before eventually laying myself down onto the bed. I feel myself start to fall asleep and the rest of the world disappear.


“Hey Joe, Why have you called me here? Do you need to film a new video?” I ask, making my way into my best mates apartment.

“Yeah actually I do, I’ll just grab my laptop and meet you in the spare room?” He says turning away from me. I make my way over to the room and pull my phone out of my pocket, eyes trained on my phone background. A cute picture of me and Y/N, Her on my back in a piggyback, both of us mid laugh. I missed her. Opening the door slowly. I plug my phone into my pocket and lift my gaze to the room.

Bags, a body wrapped in a blanket and her scent.

Her bags are sprawled through the room. I make my way over to the bed, “Y/N?”

“Hmm,” She groans softly, before bolting upright,  "Oh, I was supposed to be awake to surprise you.“ She yawns.

I pull her into my arms with a laugh, "God I’ve missed you.” My lips travel their way across her neck and cheek before finally meeting her lips.

“I’ve missed you more, and Joe’s filming us, ” She says softly, “But I’m sleepy so can I go back to sleep?”

I laugh but nod my head, “Of course, but I’m not leaving you.” I press my lips to her forehead softly.

Sidelines (A/F)

Originally posted by mvssmedia

Genre:- Angst ( A slight fluff in the end )
Word Count:- 2K
Warnings:- Mild swearing
Request:- “Can I request a tae imagine of him being your friend and then gets jealous because you keep going out to blind dates and then confesses his love for you, thank you.”

A/N:- this has been long overdue but we reached 400 followers and our recent projects(?) have been receiving so much love and I couldn’t be happier so thank you so much for your constant support!! I really hope you liked it! Even though there’s no actually human interaction I feel like voices are very intimate so I wanted to portray it here, I could make a second part with them meeting if you guys would like just request it!!

~Admin Dee

My mind is fuzzy, the last remnants of a dream being chased away by the realisation that I am awake again. It was a nice dream, something about sitting in a big oak tree in meadow full of flowers but the details are fading fast even as I try to recall them. With a mental sigh I allow my brain to focus and cautiously opened one eye. The bright shine of the moonlight cuts the room in half and I see the twinkling stars in the dark and beautiful airglow. “Why am I awake.” I mutter to myself as I pull the duvet up over my head to keep out the noise of my phone.

Unfortunately the noise doesn’t stop and my brain is awake, turning over and allowing my hand to peak out from the duvet and touch the side cabinets in search of the vibrating device that disturbed my sleep, after my hand wraps around my phone I shove the warm duvet to the side and sit up straight to then realize that the ringing has stopped, flipping my phone over I roll my eyes as I see the clock reading 4 AM and 7 missed calls from my stupid best friend, Kim Taehyung, before I can tap on the name and call him back he is already calling me again.

“Yah!.” he exclaims as soon as I answer his call, “ I’ve been calling you since forever why aren’t you answering my phone calls,”, he continues to say, “ If you haven’t noticed it’s 4am.” I retort to him with a displeased tone to showcase that I wasn’t happy with the fact that he disturbed my sleep, my retort must have awakened something in his brain because it was quiet for a few seconds before I heard his soft voice speak up, “ I’m sorry.”

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The Problem with Sushi

Imgine One Shot

The Problem with Sushi  Based on imagine-tom-finally-realizing 

Tom HiddlestonxReader

You couldn’t deny it any longer. You were sick. You hated getting sick. You liked being taken care of and Tom has always been the best possible fiancee to have when you were sick, but the actual feeling like you were going to throw up and generally feeling like you had been hit by something just smaller than a Sherman tank, sucked.

You groaned and curled into a ball on the bed, another wave of nausea rolling in. Tom turned around from the bureau and came over quickly. He leaned down and lightly petting your hair. “My poor sick, Love.”

You take a few slow deep breaths and roll to face him, he lies next to you, “It’s a persistent thing, whatever this is.”

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eccentricwriterfreak  asked:

J O H N L O C K or W O L F S T A R


  • Who said “I love you” first: Sirius. For sure. 
  • Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background: In a modern muggle AU? Both of them. 
  • Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror: Sirius. Like a fucking nerd.
  • Who buys the other cheesy gifts: SIRIUS 100000% omg. But Remus MAKES cheesy gifts.
  • Who initiated the first kiss: So I actually have a huge elaborate headcanon about this that I wrote up on my HP Sideblog found HERE
  • Who kisses the other awake in the morning: Remus kisses Sirius awake. The only time Sirius is EVER the first one awake is after a full moon, and then he’s not gonna wake up Remus, is he? And after Azkaban Remus kisses Sirius awake after his nightmares. 
  • Who starts tickle fights: Sirius. Totally. But Sirius is also ticklish AF so Remus tends to FINISH THEM. He also will leap onto Remus as a dog and start licking him but that’s another story.
  • Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower: Pre-Azkaban it’s Sirius. Sirius is shameless. But after Azkaban Remus will ask to join Sirius sometimes. 
  • Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch: Sirius would absolutely show up to Remus’ muggle job of the week with lunch all the time. Gotta make sure that boy eats. 
  • Who was nervous and shy on the first date: Remus was more overtly shy and nervous for sure, but Sirius was nervous in his own way, afraid of screwing it up.
  • Who kills/takes out the spiders: Remus does it. Sirius, pre-azkaban, is a little precious sometimes. 
  • Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk: Sirius, all the fucking time. But in a shocking twist, once in a while Remus does it too.

Originally posted by fcwkes


Skelita Calaveras Phone Backgrounds from Webisodes

Requested by @nymph-sorcery

Fic: I told you so...

Taking a breather from my OFBB to write a quick drabble for fun. Based on the prompt “I just like proving you wrong.” Read it on Ao3 or below. 

I told you so…

Felicity let out a scream that filled the entire Foundry – even Dinah, whose Canary Cry was much louder, winced.

“Geesh, and I thought her loud voice was bad,” Wild Dog said.

“SHUT UP RENEE,” Felicity replied in the aforementioned loud voice.

“Felicity, it’s going to be OK, Diggle went to pull the van around and we are going to get you to the hospital,” Dinah tried to assure her. She really didn’t have much experience with pregnant women, and after watching Felicity the past few minutes, she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to be in that condition herself.

“Did anyone get ahold of Oliver?” Felicity asked after another contraction subsided. “I need my husband.”

“We haven’t been able to reach him on the phone, but Barry’s on it,” Diggle said as he entered the lair. “He was on a reconnaissance mission for Team Flash and didn’t check in. Barry will find your husband. And knock some sense into him.”

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silly idea for the night: Cass and Steph scoping out a new club for future info on connected crimes. They’re in civilian identity. Cass is not really in the mood, but that changes when some punks get up in her business and they challenge her to a wager. A dance off.
Steph is about to yell at them, but Cass is calm. She nods.
So she actually gets on stage with the chosen dancer of the other team, and just frickin’ KILLS IT. Everybody gets their phones out, social media breaks down, E! News has an emergency special. Meanwhile you can hear Stephanie in the background whooping, “That’s my best friend, go best friend!!”
Cass, without a doubt, wins.
She meets them by the bar, where everyone watches the opposing team hand over the cash. The Wayne Princess, as she has now been recognized, turns and flings the cash over the crowd. The club goes WILD.
Cassandra meets their eyes, gaze hard and cold. But then. She smiles, slowly, mischievously. She tilts her head and walks out of the club, grabbing Steph’s hand while the blonde girl sends a pity pout and is like “lol bye~” 😎
The next morning at breakfast Cassandra’s dancing escapade is on Good Morning Gotham! Bruce stops eating midbite, looking over at his daughter.
“‘Low-profile’ huh?”
She swallows her cheerios and smiles, dark hair still in a bedhead and pink pajamas rumpled. “They think I’m 'dope,’” she whispers across the table, not-so-secretly delighted.