this is a very inside joke

dbd inside jokes from my friend group that never get old:

• calling the basement ‘the ass‘ (жопа or ‘zhopa’ in russian)

• yelling ‘MACMILLAN‘ very quickly everytime we get spawned on one of the macmillan estate maps

• calling hillbilly ‘sonic‘

• dwight is an incel and lives in a locker

• NEVER trust meg, nea or claudette players (especially claudette players)

• if michael stalks you, stalk him back HARDER

• saying ‘is this the end of feng min?…..‘ in a very small and sad voice every time she gets hooked

• calling bill ‘grandpa‘ and NEVER by his name

• the rituals suck and it’s a rule

• calling hag a monkey because she runs like a monkey would

• ‘i want more oufits’

• ‘СОСНИ МЕНЯ ТРАППЕР СОСНИ МЕНЯ‘

• very obscure russian memes like ‘piss here, here is comfortable‘ and ‘nobody can pee soup‘ which is from icarly but in russian u know

anxietyandcombatboots  asked:

I completely believe The Host tells self-deprecating jokes out of the blue with a completely straight face. He has a very dark humor and laughs on the inside when the other person's face goes to total shock from the sudden joke.

Oh definitely. Wilford’s probably used to it from when he hung out with the Author but no one else expects the Host’s gallows humor or any of the crass jokes he sometimes drops out of nowhere

Signs as girlfriends

Aries: very protective, can get jealous, lots of touching, seems shy but actually very aggressive, tries to wrestle you but ends up making out, jaw and neck kisses, wraps their arm around your waist all the time

Taurus: lots of giggling, loves tight hugs, holds your hand all the time, bakes cookies for you, cares about you a lot even if she doesn’t show it as much, wants attention, very quirky and fun to be with

Gemini: knows how to turn you on, likes to leave hickies, gives you annoyingly cute nicknames, rests their head on your shoulder, likes ruffling your hair, likes to take control, likes spooning

Cancer: seeks approval, good at making out, cares about you a lot, big hearted, likes just being in your presence, tries to seduce you but ends up giggling, wants to cuddle all the time

Leo: super flirty, wants to show you off, will talk with you all night, isn’t afraid to belt out songs in front of you, lots of pda, has a folder of photos of just you on their phone

Virgo: wants to push boundaries but is shy/inexperienced, wants to be protected, eyebrow raises, dances crazily to your favorite songs, best friend and lover, makes suggestive jokes to tease you

Libra: very charming, knows how to make your knees weak, tells you how hot you are everyday, likes corny romantic dates, makes you watch chick flicks, happy with a simplistic relationship

Scorpio: steals your clothes, breathes in your scent, seduces you easily, likes sitting on your lap, gets to know you deeply, has lots of inside jokes with you, traces all your curves and admires your entire body

Sagittarius: super chill, wants to try new things with you, likes to let you take control sometimes, loves being wrapped up in you, admires your butt a lot, likes watching sunsets with you

Capricorn: lots of witty banter, will challenge you to think, likes watching movies with you, will lie in bed with you all day, out of the blue acts of love, teaches you new things

Aquarius: innocent and carefree, will beat you in your favorite video game, makes dirty jokes, will just stare at your face in love, dresses up for you, tells others how much they love you,

Pisces: makes you little gifts, lip bites, sends you cheesy texts, lots of light kisses on the hand, cheek, forehead, tells you how awesome you are, tells you all her dreams and ambitions

WHY YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOUR SIGN
  • Aries: You play all the time, and you play to win. You are a cheerful and a happy person but god help the ones who do you wrong or the ones you love. You know how to party and you know how to have fun. You always give great compliments. You have a great body and great physical looks. Your smile is sexy and your laughter is even sexier. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Taurus: You have an impeccable taste for literally everything, you are the biggest hedonist out there and you simply know how to live. And you love life itself which comes in many forms. You have a cheerful spirit, intriguing mentality and even a greater heart. You are capable of putting up with so much shit and staying sane, haters can just stay jealous. You have the power to crack the earth in two when you witness negativity and you will. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Gemini: Your intelligence, style and communication skills know no borders. You are always the funny one, and even while some people might think that you're a drama queen or a double-faced attention whore, you just know that it isn't true. And you don't fight them but you let them learn it themselves that you're not a double-faced backstabber who hurts people for fun. You just love supporting people and making their lives better. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Cancer: You are literally one of the sweetest experiences one could ever have. You can teach people a lot, and you can stay strong through a lot of shit in your life. You are pure, innocent, loving and caring. You give the best hugs out there and you know how to satisfy people. You are full of positivity and you always put people's needs before yours. You can stand up and keep an insanely happy face even you're being torn apart inside. You are strong and you are one of the most sensitive people out there, which makes you really strong. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.|
  • Leo: You have this cheerful spirit and you radiate with alluring energy. People might accuse you of wanting to be the center of attention but you deserve to be the center of attention because you are special and you know what you're capable of. You just want to assure people that you're a person who's capable of many things and you can lead yourself and people to greatness. You are a natural born supporter and you simply know how to make people's lives better. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Virgo: You are really a person who's great in many spheres of life. You're deep. People might accuse you of being overcritical and a perfectionist, but don't let them bring you down. Yes, you are critical and you are a perfectionist but that's because you just want everything to be alright. You suffer from tons of anxiety when you want to achieve something but believe me, it will pay off. Just stay strong and don't listen to people who say that you're very silent and unsuccessful because you have the potential to surpass them all. You are a great thinker, a very intelligent person and you are one of the biggest go-getters out there. Stay strong and you will succeed in whatever it is you want. You know how to fix people's problems and you are born to help. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Libra: You are a person who radiates with positive energy. You are a beacon of happiness and you are one of the most creative people out there. You know how to care for people and you know how to love. God damn it, you have impeccable style and you know how to dress. You are appealing and both your physical and mental beauty are dominant when you enter a room of new people. You are a big, big person with even a bigger heart than your body and you know how to give people an advice. Those pieces of advice you give, often fix people's problems. You are beautiful. You are admirable. You are capable of many things and you know how to get shit done. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Scorpio: You are a person who's capable of many things. People usually think that you're too intense, childish, evil and vengeful but you're not. You just know how to have fun and you love making people's lives better. You are a master of telling jokes. Your eyes can penetrate deep inside a person's soul and see the sadness inside that person. And you will help that person. You help people on a daily basis, even if they don't see it. Most of the time you are very sad and you suffer inside because you think that people don't see what you've done for them, and that is okay. But believe me, they do see what you've done for them. And if anyone wrongs you or a person you love, you can avenge yourself or that person you love. Many people think that you're cruel and unforgiving but that's not true. Don't listen to the stereotypes for Scorpios and focus on being a good person. You forgive endlessly, you just don't like showing your emotions because people might manipulate you or use them against you, so you might do some things (which you will later regret) just because you don't want to seem weak. But that's how you protect yourself. Don't worry about others' opinions, you're a great person, filled with positivity. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Sagittarius: You are a person who cares about everyone. You are not bitchy and nervous, it's just that you are sick of people doing mistakes which they will later regret. You are a born teacher and you are born to lead people into a new, better world. People need to start listening to your pieces of advice because the pieces of advice you give are priceless. You are not extreme and you are not impulsive because you want to be, you do it because you want to prove others that you're a good person and a person who honestly and sincerely cares about everything. You often suffer from anxiety and insomnia, but it's because you are a very intelligent person and your mind works a lot faster than other people's. You come off as a person whom everyone thinks that hates emotions and doesn't know how to feel, but, believe me, you know how to feel. You just can't stand it when people don't live just and you are born to fix the mistakes of yours and of other people's. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Capricorn: You are a deeply caring person but you don't show it as most people do. Others will think that you're unfeeling and cold-blooded because of the way you show your emotions and because of your silent nature, but you are not emotionless. You are a person who cares a lot about your and other people's future. You are not materialistic and money-oriented, you are a person who is concerned with your and other people's well-being, so you work your ass off because you know where you might end up one day. Don't let people pick with you or underestimate you because you are a very sensitive and emotional person who knows how to support people and lead them to happiness. You will be made fun of, you will be insulted, you will be hated and you will be fought but you should know that you shouldn't give up of spreading positivity and working hard to achieve your goals. Don't let negative people stop you and bring you down. Learn that you are a person who knows how to function. You are not dull, as most people think. But let them think because you needn't carry about negative people's irrelevant opinions because you know who you are, and you are not dull. You are a very interesting, funny and creative person. You are a great friend, parent, partner and a lover. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Aquarius: You are an open-minded person and your intelligence is really great. You are a very understanding person and you know how to have fun. You lead people into great adventures which might seem risky, but you do it for the sake of fun. Best memories always come from great experiences, and you know how to make people experience things. You are not limited and detached as most people think, you are a person who just thinks rationally for your and the lives for the people around you. You are not argumentative as everyone thinks, you are debatable. There's a difference. You love learning and debating, you just seem argumentative because you're passionate for debates and learning new things. You are not a weirdo or a freak, you're an eccentric person. There's a difference. You are a great friend. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
  • Pisces: You are one of the most insightful people out there and you simply know everything, because you feel everything. you have the gift of unlimited and uncontrollable emotions, which might sometimes take advantage of you but I assure you that you have the ability to control your emotions. You are one of the most intelligent people out there. You are very beautiful, both physically and mentally. You are a natural born philosopher and you're the deepest person there is. You are not weak just because you are hurt or triggered easily, you are strong and powerful beyond limits because you experience everything both with your heart, soul and mind. You absorb people's feelings and you absorb information like a sponge. You are capable of many things. No matter your easygoing, sweet, cheerful or introverted nature, you are one of the best fighters out there and you always win no matter what, because you stubbornly go to extremes and you have the ability to go to the end of the universe and back, if it's required of you to get what you want. You fight till the very end and you know how to sit on the throne. Despite most people's (stupid) opinion, you are not a wallflower. You are a natural born leader who just seems dreamy and lost most of the time but that's because you're very intelligent and you think like no-one else does. When the topic of a conversation is brought, I bet you've already been overthinking about it. You can put up with so much shit and you can go through everything, you can run through hell and fly through heaven in order to achieve your goals. You are not weak, you're just a person with the most intense emotions out there. Learn to control things and you will be unstoppable. When someone hurts you or someone you love, you will turn into a giant shark and every unjust person will feel the ocean's wrath. You are not weak because you're a forgiving person, you are just one level above all those haters and you actually understand why people made those mistakes, and that's why you forgive - when you forgive. NOW, START LOVING YOURSELF AND YOUR SIGN.
The Vibe I Get From The Signs

aries: try hard and badass. wants people to like them and think of them but deep down all they need is themselves. very outspoken and controversial. they don’t go with the flow, they dig their toes into the rocky sand and walk against the current. they’re the person in class who is always on edge, waiting for something to happen and jump in and save everyone. they thirst for adventure and never settle for less than terrifying. the feeling of security and excitement follows them, they never stay still and never stop for anyone. they make you feel as if you’re running through a forest with only a flash light to guide you in the dark, like fear and adrenaline are their drug of choice with you.

taurus: laid back, always calm. the quiet kid in class who has mad jokes and can roast everyone in seconds. they never try to make anything uncomfortable, but they’ll talk with you about anything if you bring it up. they’re an open book but their pages don’t turn themselves. a feeling of sheer joy and calmness. when you’re with them the world feels simpler, like all complications faded away and color has returned for good.

gemini: sarcastic beyond belief. very reserved but outgoing. naturally mean sometimes when they don’t try to be, they have trouble thinking of others feelings when it comes to certain topics. always want what’s best for you even when that may not be something you want, but they always know the right path and never wander too far from it. a feeling of desire to stay in their presence is always there. a cool autumn night and you’re sitting next to a speeding train, unafraid and ready.

cancer: smart, not afraid to be themselves. give off the feeling of a rebellious school kid that the teachers love but no one knows why. always know how to make you smile even when you’re at your worst. doesn’t seek trouble but somehow it finds them. they always find a way to keep a cool head and strategically problem solve. the feeling they give is a cool breeze, never too harsh and never too rough. they feel like when you dig your feet into the sand while water slowly pours in, pulling you in calmly.

leo: very outwardly, not afraid of anyone or anything. that person who always entertains you even when you’re not communicating. very extroverted but is really introverted when they’re not around people they know. loves to take care of people when they need to take care of themselves first. they wrap a warm feeling around you and make sure you feel safe always. they feel like the steepest roller coaster ride, that feeling that hits when you’re about to drop, then the pleasure and joy that comes when you fall.

virgo: ahead of the game. always seems to be two steps ahead, goes over all the possible things you could say and calculated their response. try’s to not be a know-it-all but can’t help it. give off the feeling of assurance. they do their best and are very hard on themselves, but they can also be unforgiving. the feeling you get when you get a question right in math class and you can’t help but smile. imagine sitting under a great oak, taking in the spring air, the feeling of the breeze hugging you and brushing through your hair.

libra: beautiful and unique. the kid who’s in theatre and puts everything they have into the performance. makes the dirtiest jokes and turns everything into sexual innuendos. they make you feel whole and happy inside, like everything is good in the world. they always seem busy, maybe come off as superficial because of their busy ways. but if it’s important enough to them, they will make time even if they have to stop the earth from turning. they love hard and they break easy, but their recovery is quick and they always bounce back. you feel like you’re on an island with them, watching the waves gush in and roll away.

scorpio: secretive. very dark-humor but very sweet. they’re like a fishing line and you’re the fish, you get stuck on them and they feel you in and you’re caught. the way they talk makes it seem like they have a dark past and chests full of secrets. they feel like the riptide in the ocean but more gentle, they care too much and they get hurt a lot because of that. you feel safe yet always on edge with them, like a storm is coming but you’re in the eye, safe from it all.

sagittarius: risk-taker. loves new challenges but hates heart break. always somehow leave you stunned and intrigued. they love confrontation and love the quiet. think of the kid in class that sasses the teacher but gets away with it. wear their heart on their sleeve and gets dangerous when people play with it. they set an earthy tone, like a ferris wheel ride and you’re stuck at the top admiring the city lights.

capricorn: emotionless when threatened. complicated but beautiful. they never live a dull moment and always grab life by the horns. aren’t afraid of judgement but still hate being judged. a calm sea wraps them up, smooth and strong, but also wicked and rough. they don’t like being told no or that things they do are wrong. they take care of their friends and love endlessly. like curling up in a wool blanket on a wicked winter night, the snow tapping at the windows and the weight and comfort of them keeping you safe.

aquarius: unpredictable. always has the right words and never will hide their true colors. will be mean as hell or as sweet as sugar, depending on the people they involve themselves with. loves to be loved. like the cute kid in class who can do anything and it’d be considered art. very creative and very influential. they vibe with almost everything and anyone, they understand deep emotions and always question the universe. the feeling of insecureness comes with being around them, but only because their speak is so beautiful and sophisticated you feel behind somehow. always reassure you that you’re perfect the way you are. like a stormy day, dark thunder clouds and dime-sized rain drops, electrifying but alluring.

pisces: likable and kind. kind of quiet but has a loud mind. has a deep need to be loved and can get very emotional when hurt. they absolutely hate feeling useless and are always asking to help. they make use out of everything they see and are very inventive. no matter what the problem is, they find a solution. sometimes get taken for granted, but never do the same to others. think of the kid in class who is just like everyone else, so it seems, until you see them when no one is watching, how collected they are, how eager to help. they are lured in by kindness and give all they have. they feel like a hot and humid summer day while you dive into a cool pool of water and your worries and issues seem to slip off into the blue and disappear.

other ya novels: my entire life has led up to this moment, i have to rise to the challenge and sacrifice my own happiness for the Greater Good. hey ho, my convenient band of morally sound yet somewhat two-dimensional side-kicks, i will save the world.

six of crows: yeah, so i have taken on this batshit crazy job because i’ve been promised big $$ for it. we might very well all get killed, but i’ve been dead inside since the age of 11 anyhow lol. no risk no fun. anyhow, there’s an impregnable prison complex waiting for us. 

D&D Gothic

- It’s still there. The only die you haven’t lost from your original set. It’s a d12. You’ve never rolled it once.

- The mini you’ve been using looks nothing like your character. You commission art of your character. The art looks exactly like you described. It looks almost exactly like the mini.

- The snack bowl arrives at your table. You reach over the DM screen to grab a chip. The bowl is empty. The session has yet to begin.

- A dice tower is constructed. The whole table goes silent. A d10 is balanced on a d4. You’re all silent. The tower sits, wobbling slightly. Silence. It crumbles for no apparent reason. You can finally breathe again.

- The DM draws a map. They’ve drawn a river on the side. It’s in red. A working blue pen is right beside them. No one mentions it again. No river is ever mentioned in game.

- A player’s character dies. Next session, they introduce their new character. Then themselves. You laugh. You know them already. Don’t you?

- You are telling someone about DnD. You want to tell them about funny stories with wacky hijinks. There are so many. You can’t remember a single one.

- This weeks session was cancelled. There is a disquiet at the time you should be there. Involuntarily, your hand shakes, then tosses a non existent object. Shake and toss. Shake. Toss. It is comforting.

- You roll for something important. The result is average. You look in the DM’s eyes pleadingly. They stare back for a moment, expressionless. They then say you pass. You feel relief, but a shiver runs down your spine.

- The DM hides behind their screen. They mutter softly. They look up, tell a player to roll for something, then look down, nodding. They don’t acknowledge the player’s result.

- You have many character concepts on hand. You love them all. You get a chance to play. You no longer have any character concepts you really want to try. At least, not until it’s too late.

- A deus ex machina occurs. Was the encounter unbalanced, or was it part of the plot? You aren’t sure. You’re the DM.

- Every time you look away, a die dissappears, and this one player’s cheeks get poofier. Eventually, their mouth seems like it’s about to burst. They do. Their mouth is empty. No one knows where the dice went.

- Someone tells an inside joke. It’s very funny. No one knows where it’s from.

3

Ok so I have had this AU idea of like…. grumpy hermit gay mess Hanzo who basically looks like his hair is the pelt fur from his lone wolf skin because he could not care any less of how he looks, and he is that one neighbor who’s an asshole and never says hi or anything and lets his hellhound of a pomeranian go to other people’s yards and destroy them or shit on them.

He probably works from home and avoids all human contact that’s not necessary, except Genji because he is his lil bro! he only goes out when grocery shopping or to pay bills or hit the gym (look at those guns and pecs )

This Hanzo also sports the piercings he has in the winter comic and more less dresses up with the same style of clothes?? when he goes out that is, most of the time he just wears tshirts and sweatpants.

This becomes a McHanzo AU when Jesse moves in next door and finds Hanzo’s dog digging a hole on his lawn and decides to take it back to its owner and when Hanzo sees him he just “???????????? wow im gay af ??????????” 

Basically this AU is Hanzo being the one smitten by McCree and trying to get close to him but being too socially awkward to do it properly and having like bad timings and freaking out and going back inside his house whenever he feels he has fucked up to which Jesse is oblivious and just thinks Hanzo is an interesting guy. 

Hanzo tries to make it clear how gay he is without saying it by always using his Im gay mug that Genji gave to him as a joke…..just…boy….pls….Genji teases him to no end and as a way to encourage him, Genji says he will go after Jesse if Hanzo doesnt do anything about it which Hanzo is very aware could happen in the blink of an eye knowing how efficient his lil bro is when it comes to flirting with people, the guy has some unreal skills for dating.

but yeah thats all I got….. basically this is me wanting more McHanzo from Hanzo´s point of view, and having him less…uhh…far away and mysterious about his feelings? I want him being an awkward mess.

okay thats all Im sorry.

Bonus:

klance things that should happen esp after s3:

  • “I care about you a lot”
  • keith talking to some random stranger about lance and complimenting him like he did with him in beta traz while looking down fondly. “i have a…friend who always complains about my mullet. he’s a very good sharpshooter and also my right-hand man i don’t know what i would without him.” “you seem fond of him.” “I am.”
  • training session together where 50% of the stuff they do is flirting
  • another solo mission together where they fight back to back
  • they find an alternate reality where they’re together and this makes them think a lot about what they could be in theirs
  • lance starts wearing something red to match his new lion and keith tells him “you look good in my colors”
  • the team starts noticing lance flirts less than usual 
  • one of those clichè scenes where one character makes a decision that makes their loved one proud and has them looking softly at them
  • keith and lance offering to wingman for each other but ending up describing each other as their ideal partner while talking to someone “ofc you would like lance who wouldn’t he’s beautiful i mean what”
  • they’re facing off an enemy who’s making fun of them for not being strong enough and lance is lie “he’s strong!! he cradled me in his arms once!!” and keith deadass stops in the middle of the battle to shout “YOU REMEMBER”
  • holding! hands! in! battle! as! they’re! running! away! from! something!
  • “lance makes me happy”
  • a parallel of the shut your quiznak scene but this time lance is saying it fondly and keith laughs while saying “i still don’t think you’re using that correctly”
  • “he’s not my boyfriend!!” “but you want him to be”
  • lance making a cryptid joke for keith
  • lance leans in for an hug and keith blushes bc he thinks he was gonna kiss him
  • “well i do have a boyfriend!!!” *points at keith panicking*
  •  awkwardly asking each other out for a date in the pool but both make sure they don’t mention the word “date” at all
  • lance distracting keith during a plan exposition by putting his hand on his shoulder or on his own hand
  • keith sees that someone is trying to make lance feel bad and he’s furious and goes up to that person like “yo take that back immediately”
  • lance being slightly jealous of seeing someone talking to keith and masks it with an excuse like “i don’t want him to find someone before me cuz ya know…rivals” (no one believes that though) keith: lance i’m not with xx i just wanted to see if u were gonna confess
  • keith gets asked if he likes someone and he’s like “well there is someone…” *looks at lance while sighing*
  • they take a selfie with lance’s space phone. (bc duh, needs to happen)
  • keith looking fondly at lance while everyone else is looking at something else. “cute right?” keith, looking at lance: yeah “i’m not sure we’re talking about the same thing”
  • keith gifting lance with something and blushing while handing it to him. idc what it is it can be whatever and lance being almost speechless. “you got this…for me?”
  • keith: please be careful!! lance: always am!
  • keith to lance: man you are cuddly
  • lance: did i miss something pidge: oh just keith complaining about bonding moments lance: ok so nothing new then
  • keith telling lance “i’ve never met anyone like you” because i live for the clichè stuff dont judge
  • the classic “ we got stuck somewhere alone together and now we gotta talk about our feelings” kind of thing
  • lance showing off his bf once they’re dating “yep! i’m dating him!!!” 
  • more alone conversations where lance tells keith about his life as an uncle
  • hunk accidentally mentioning that lance had a crush on keith at the garrison.  “ like at the garrison you clearly like ke—” “KEN I LIKED KEN REMEMBER KEN?? AHHA GOOD OL’ GUY” “there was no one…named ken”
  • running after each other for something? because i’ve realized we’ve never seen that in canon and soft music is playing in the back
  • keith gifting lance with his bom blade once they’re together “i want you to have this”
  • an “i thought you were dead!” moment where keith kisses lance without hesitation and lance replies with “well i am know”
  • lance fingergunning at keith pls and thank u
  • the “fine” “fine” “fine” “FINE” thing when they get into arguments and they end up giving each other the silent treatment but it lasts like one minute and if it starts seriously, it ends jokingly
  • the pool scene becomes an inside joke like the bonding moment:  “we went to the pool together!!!!”  “keith you wanted to stay away from me??” “well you forgot our bonding moment!”“oh god not this again….”
  • a moment where they both turn at each other smirking and everybody is like “lol ur smiling at each other” and they’re like “no we’re not” but their mouths are still curved in a smile
  • they become very clingy with each other and don’t realize it until someone points it out
  • they swap clothes for one day and no one questions it. “they’re doing their thing as usual”
  • “are you hugging me?” “looks like i am” “thank you i needed that”
  • “when i said that I don’t hate you….i meant something else also”
  • can we uhhhh get mind-reading aliens that can sense their feelings for each other
  • “lets do this” and then they smile at each other
  • keith slipping that he likes lance in the middle of a very tough battle bc he doesnt know what will happen OR “if i dont make it…tell lance i love him”
  • keith at 2 am: hey pidge lance looked at me for more than one second today what do you think i should do
  • they try to make sure they always stand next to each other
My experience with the signs in my life
  • Aries female: so stubborn is incredible. A hot head. She knows what she wants and she'll get it. Yells a lot. Cares a lot about her family. Very concerned about her diet. She looks like a cinnamon roll but is a beast inside.
  • Aries male : very intelligent, probably the most intelligent. Can either have a very scientific mind or a very literary mind. Loves to read. LOVES to make puns. Horrible ones. Has the biggest laugh.
  • Taurus female: MY BIGGEST LOVE. Literally the cutest thing. She is so smart and caring and it's true: she loves to eat. Cares so much about everyone, not only her close friends. She almost never get angry but when she does. Ouch.
  • Taurus male: a cutie. Always ready to cheer you up. DOES NOT. BELIEVE. IN. ASTROLOGY. Likes scientific shit. Loves old movies. Always laughs at your jokes. The best friend you can find. Loves Shrek.
  • Gemini female: so strong and independent. Her hair is always on point, so is her outfit. Either very tall or very short. They talk a lot and they love listening to you. Geminis are actually very lovable people. Best companion for a boring class or for lunch break.
  • Gemini male: very bold and confident about himself. Does his own thing. It's not that he is a dick, it's just that he has his own problems to take care of. Except Trump, Trumps is really a dick. Im sorry Geminis that he is in your sign. The cool guy of the class who has a different girl every week. A lil fuckboy but fun to have a chat with. Loves videogames and perfect pal to get drunk with.
  • Cancer female: not a crybaby. Actually HATES to cry in public. More often than you think, very extroverted. Very passionate about what she loves. High ambitions, starts many things and then get bored. So many puns oh god.
  • Cancer male: oh boy. "Nightmare dressed as a daydream". Makes you feel so special. Boyfriend material. Usually dark hair and dark eyes. Not very tall. Adorable. Special laugh. Will do great things in life. Very creative but kinda introvert(?) WILL RATHER DIE THAN CRY IN PUBLIC.
  • Leo female: very close about her private things but she will open up if you demonstrate her she can trust you. Loves everyone. Not that confident about herself. Very confident about the world, tho. Wants to move someplace else and experience. People respect her.
  • Leo male: Stonehead™. Literally smokes all the time to forget about the pain he feels. Hides emotions and then explodes, usually with rage. Either very close to you that he calls you every day, or he'll completely ignore you. Smart even tho it doesn't look like. The lonely wolf.
  • Virgo female: so stubborn and independent. She knows what she wants and she'll get it. Can get very clingy to the people she loves but sometimes neglect other people she loves even tho she doesn't notice. Get mad easily for the little things. The queen. Just listen to her, she knows the shit.
  • Virgo male: cute but doesn't have his own personality. Sometimes gets involved in ugly companies and does things he doesn't want to. Very sensitive but tries to hide it. Actually cares about you even tho he wants to appear a tough boy. Pretends he doesn't care about school, ends up with all A. Probably very good at soccer.
  • Libra female: becomes part of your family if she isn't already. Amazing lipsticks. Always has great stories to tell. Lives in the clouds. Forgets about things easily but won't forget the important things. Has so many passions but get easily distracted when she is studying for an exam. Perfect person to binge watch Sherlock with.
  • Libra male: my everything. Pretends he's a gryffindor but deep down is a slytherin. Stunning. Gets high grade without doing shit. The teacher favorite. The one you can do stupid shit with. Will do anything for you. Listens to you 24/7. Loves tv shows. Very smart. Will probably end up doing something very important. Perfect dad.
  • Scorpio female: actually very sweet and caring, as much as cancer. Never shows off her emotions but you'll know when she cares about you. She's like a mama bear. She'll call you if she feels you are not happy. She'll call you constantly. Extroverted and kind. Best presents ever. Looks naive but very cautious.
  • Scorpio male: ok so my ex fwb was a scorpio and i gotta say they get emotionally attached. Pretend they don't care AT ALL and then calls u at 2 in the morning telling u they love you. Just be careful cause they don't know what they want. Obsessed with electronic things and sex.
  • Sagittarius female: literally on fire. SHE. TALKS. SO. MUCH. I have so many different feelings about her. Either i love completely or I can't stand her. She pretends she knows everything. She's so slow at doing everything, except talking. Laughs a lot. Very sensitive deep down. So loud.
  • Sagittarius male: Pretty introverted. The fire is hidden. He's a freaking badass. If he cares about you, he will show you. Most likely to call you at midnight for your birthday. Very sweet. Goes big or goes home, especially in love. Both a cinnamon and a sinnamon roll. Like if he ain't in the same political party as you, just don't mention politics. That's when the fire shows.
  • Capricorn female: so. she actually cares about you. but she has so much shit going on so she might forget to come at a place you invited her, she won't even apologize but when something happens to you, be sure she'll call. She's absolutely cute and she has been hurt so many times so it's hard for her to trust people completely.
  • Capricorn male: THE FUCKING FANBOY. He loves to travel and to try new things. He is so shy but with his friends he's crazy. Laughs at his own jokes. Extremely sensitive and when he loves, he loves hard. So intelligent and interesting. Absolutely adorable.
  • Aquarius female: the sweetest. she gets clingy to everyone but because she wants to have friends and do things and has a lot of problems but holds everything in and puts her friends first and she's hurt. The most precious human. She needs, she deserves to be loved the most. Learns very quickly and she's very honest.
  • Aquarius male: the devil™. Actually he is funny, like so many jokes, but sometimes it's just too much. He hates when people offend him. Gets on the defensive. Kinda selfish and cares a lot about like 3 people (?). Like he will kill for them. So much drama, boy. Probably failed history and algebra 2 twice.
  • Pisces female: such a badass and a cutiepie at the same time i don't even know how this is possible. she has such a strong personality and loves her friends. Determined and will fight with her teeth for what she loves. You need to have a pisces in your life. She always says she will kill a person but then she just like run away.
  • Pisces male: like just like the pisces female. Cares so much about his family and shows his emotions easily, whether is anger or sadness or happiness. Determined but also insecure about himself, but will do great things.
I still don't know if he ever got his coffee.

I’m not 100% sure this even belongs here and I’ve posted this story elsewhere so some of you might have read it already.

Some background: I work in a rather specialized area of Forensics. Officially I’m employed by Police Scotland but they tend to let other law enforcement agencies, universities, etc borrow us from time to time. A lot of the time it’s for consulting work or guest lecturing but sometimes we’re sent to teach training courses.

About 18 months ago I was asked to lecture at a training course for some of the CID higher-ups in an English Police force. It was the first time I’d done anything like it and I was crapping myself.

I met with the conveners and other officials for dinner the night before my first day, and after dinner and drinks, I was dropped back at my hotel.

So to set the scene; it’s about 10pm, I’m all dressed up in my evening wear and I’m sitting at the bar in the hotel lounge. The place is dead, it’s just me and the barman so I’ve taken off my heels and am unraveling my hair having just ordered a hot chocolate. The barman asks if I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. Yes, of course I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. No I don’t mind waiting while you run to the kitchen.

So I’m sit there trying to trick my phone into connecting to the hotels WiFi when Angry Man walks in.

He stomped into the room and slammed his fist down on the bar about 3 ft from me and barked out one word:

“COFFEE”

I didn’t know it but apparently that attempt at communication was aimed at me; a fact I learned a moment later when Angry Man moved right up next to me, bent over me so his face was practically in mine and barked out again;

“COFFEE”.

In an attempt to get away from the screaming coffee man I slipped off the bar stool, putting it between the two of us. Extremely confused and more than a little terrified, it didn’t immediately occur to me that he thought I worked there, hell it wasn’t even registering that he wanted a coffee. He was just repeating it the same way a toddler does when they learn a new word but don’t entirely know what it means.

I’m going to blame the confusion, fear and tiredness for my completely moronic response, which was to parrot the word back at him.

Me: “Coffee?”

Angry Man: “COFFEE”

Then he slammed his fist down on the bar again. This time I noticed that he was actually throwing down money.

My brain suddenly came back online.

Me: “Oh. Eh, the barman should be back in a sec. H-”

Angry Man: “Get me a coffee. Now.”

Ooooh four new words. Progress.

Me: “I’m sorry, mate, I don’t work here.”

Angry man (shouting now) “You fucking lazy liar!! Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

Yes, actually, but I’ll be keeping that to myself.

Angry Man: “Get off your fucking phone and get me a shitting coffee”

Me: “I really don’t-”

Cue rant about me being the only person in the lounge so of course I must work there and I was just being lazy and did I take him for an idiot. All while I’m slowly backing away from the bar so he can’t pin me between it and the bar stools. Then he throws in this:

Angry Man: “Do you have any idea who I am? Do you have any idea how important I am?”

I never got to find out how important this guy thought he was. Instead Angry Man’s Friend came wandering in.

He took one look at me; pretty much cornered by Angry Man who is now screaming about how he’ll make sure I never work again while I’m trying to calmly tell him to back off and he tries to intervene.

He took Angry Man by the shoulders and moved him back away from me while asking him what was going on.

Angry Man: “This stupid little whore is refusing to serve me”

Me: “I really don’t work here”

Angry Man’s Friend: “She doesn’t work here. Let’s just all try to calm down”

There was a few moments of Angry Man’s Friend trying to calm Angry Man while he ranted about getting me fired until two barman arrived, one of them with my hot chocolate. The presence of the three men distracted Angry Man enough for me to grab my shoes and escape with my chocolatey goodness.

As I left I could hear him demanding to speak to a manager.

The next day, after being introduced to a lecture theater full of high ranking CID Officers, I stood and walked to the podium only to be greeted by one guy in the audience laughing hysterically.

I just sort of froze trying to figure out the joke. Did I have food on my face? Was my shirt on inside out?

A quick check confirmed that, no. I’d managed to adult that morning.

A few other people began to chuckle as this guy struggled to get a hold of himself. As he regained control he pointed to his left.

Where a very red looking Angry Man was sitting.

I think it was the sheer relief that he wasn’t actually laughing at me that caused me to open my mouth and say to Angry Man;

“Oh did you get your coffee in the end?”

He walked out and I didn’t see him for the rest of the course.

The signs as friends

Aries: the loud one with lots of jokes and amazing remarks/comebacks and always has flawless eyebrows

Taurus: a little bit stand offish at the beginning, but the best friend anyone could have. (shoulder to cry down for example)

Gemini: the gossiper who’s nice one moment but rude the next. But still a cool friend, knows how to have a interesting conversation.

Cancer: the shy moody one that always knows how to cheer everyone up, kinda just follows the flock

Leo: the crazy one that always has the attention, but has a BIG generous heart.

Virgo: the crazy one that looks like a sweetheart but is actually wild and crazy when you really get to know them. Always smiling and can’t stay mad for a long time.

Libra: the kind/quiet one that’s funny and always bringing back inside jokes and good memories, keeps shit balanced so no murders anyone.

Scorpio: the intense one that is funny and makes dirty/crazy jokes and who everybody loves, but loves to tease.

Sagittarius: always ready to help you when you need it, and will get you drunk if you’re sad about something so it is always fun to be with them. Also they are very trustworthy you can always rely on them.

Capricorn: the smart one that is hard to read in the beginning, can turn a frown upside down (can’t stay mad at them) the friend who likes to agree to disagree.

Aquarius: the one who gives long meaningful advice and gives you a new perspective of things.

Pisces: everyone loves them, the one that always cheer you up on your dreams and gives you good advice that they wouldn’t listen to themselves.

I just remembered during Moonlighting when Lucretia asks the boys which is their dominant hand so she can put the bracers on them, and one of them jokes, “I’m ambidextrous,” and she says, very dryly, “Of course you are.”

But you know inside she was like, “Ambidextrous? You shits don’t know the first thing about ambidextrous. I’m on another level, fools. God, I can’t believe I had to make them forget how cool I am.”

“My mother had always been functional as long as she took her medicine. But a couple years ago I began to notice a change. When we spoke on the phone, she’d laugh at the smallest things. Everything was a joke to her. But then she could also get very angry. She became convinced that people were plotting against her. She kicked all my siblings out of the house. When I went home to California, I discovered that she had drawn lines and circles inside all of her books. She seemed fixated on certain times and dates. Everything bothered her. She started calling me ‘faggot’ and things like that. It’s been a tough two years. She’s gotten worse and worse. I’ve flown back to California four times, but we barely speak when I’m home. It’s like she’s not even there. Meanwhile I’ve stopped investing in my friendships. I’ve had to drop out of my dance company. I’ve been getting depressed. Even when I’m not with her, I’m worrying about her. It’s getting to the point where I have to choose not to care about this. I have to think of her as gone. I didn’t create this. I created my life. And I don’t think I can take care of us both.”

theguardian.com
'I loathe these people': Rick and Morty and the brilliant backlash against TV's bad fans
The Back to the Future-parodying animation has ushered in an awful new age of TV trolls – and, in a remarkable move, its creators are finally fighting back
By Gwilym Mumford

Themes around abusive relationships and toxic masculinity have been a recurring presence since Rick and Morty’s very first episode, but this season they’ve gone supernova, infecting every aspect of the show, from Rick turning himself into an actual pickle to avoid family counselling to his daughter Beth’s dangerous idolising of her selfish, neglectful father. It’s these raw personal family dynamics that elevate Rick and Morty (and the equally thoughtful Bojack Horseman) above the rest of the adolescently minded animation pack. Without them, it would just be a gleeful gross-out comedy, full of extreme violence, inside baseball genre riffs and fart jokes. But with them it becomes something deeper.

The problem is that Rick and Morty’s bad fans – like the Walter White worshippers before them – are tuning in for the gnarly stuff, and missing the fact that the show is actually an implicit commentary on them. After all, it’s not exactly a stretch to notice the similarities between Rick – cynical, cruel, endlessly expecting the world to accommodate his every whim – and the many stripes of entitled white males seeking to dominate the internet, from the gamergate mob to the alt right.

This is a really good article that has applications to a number of other fandoms (e.g. Always Sunny, Archer, etc)

However, one of the things that is most interesting to me about this is where this kind of critique sits in the evolution of the “bad fan” discourse.

In ye olden days, the ‘bad fan’ was usually conceptualized as problematically rabid/obsessed, someone who needed to “get a life.” 

In more recent years, transformative fans have often been cast as the ‘bad fans,’ defying the precious original intent of the author(s) and undermining/disrespecting the sacredness of the canon text.

Now, we’re moving into ‘bad fans’ as people who take away the wrong message from a piece of media – often misunderstanding or ignoring the critique it contains – and valorizing its worst components. 

It’s just interesting to see how the idea of the “bad fan” continues to evolve. 

BTS Inside Jokes

Hello ARMYs! So, I was bored and thought of making this compilation of 25 of BTS’ inside jokes! Please let me know if there are more because i’m gonna make a part 2 to this!

Hope you enjoy!

1. Jimin You Got No Jams – Kim Namjoon.

The most iconic line ever said by a BTS member and the joke that didn’t get old for years and years.

2. Swag – Min Yoongi

The amount of swag that Suga has…

3. Oh man holy shit – Jeon Jungkook

Poor Jin here though…

4. Beach? Bitch? – Kim Taehyung ft. Park Jimin

He sounded so innocent while saying it though like wtf?

5. Shit down shit down – Kim Taehyung

His “s” always sounds like “sh”

6. Excuse Me! – Park Jimin

Ahhh you all have to know this lol.

7. Jiminie Pabo – Kim Taehyung

When our Taetae went to every American he met and then you all know lol

8. Dirty Water….my faceu – Jung Hoseok ft. Park Jimin

Very dirty water Jiminie

9. Infires – Min Yoongi ft. Jeon Jungkook

Legend

10. Turn up! – Kim Taehyung

Lets go party!

11. Min Suga jjang jjang man bboong bboong – Min Yoongi

The one and only genius

12. Sexy Porn Star – Kim Taehyung

Saxophonist babe…

13. My shiteu - Park Jimin

This is honestly cute

14. Stob it! – Kim Seokjin ft. Jeon Jungkook and a laughing Park Jimin

Stop it! S-T-O-P I-T!

15. I hate snakeu – Jung Hoseok

Worst experience in my life - Jhope

16. I was born in Busan first – Park Jimin ft. Jeon Jungkook

He was born in Busan first Kook, he ate 2134 rice more than you

17. I’m God – Kim Taehyung

HE IS GOD

18. Pardon? – Jeon Jungkook ft. Kim Namjoon

No comments…

19.  One night in a strange shitty – Kim Taehyung

Again with the “sh”

20. My hearteu my hearteu – Jung Hoseok

Oh my god

21. Oh my gawd – Almost all of them? Haha

Oh…my…god….

22. Do you know annyeonghaseyo? – Kim Seokjin (This very joke updated to Do you know pittam nuemul?…wonhe manhi manhi yap! By Seokjin himself)

*Inserts Jin’s windshield laughter*

23. This chain….3 dollars – Min Yoongi

Iconic

24. International playboy – Jeon Jungkook

Sure Jan

And the last one
.
.
.
.
25. Ayo Hitman bang introduces hit it the second audition! - BTS

I laugh way to hard at this….


Part 2 coming up soon…..

Read Part 2 : Here

Boyfriend! Jungkook

Dating Jungkook would include:

  • first things first guys
  • you’re always stealing his sweaters
  • “y/n what the fuck come on I was gonna wear that”
  • if he can’t find it he knows you have it
  • secretly loves it
  • so many inside jokes that the boys get bothered
  • jimin always says “what does that even MEAN” 
  • when you and jungkook tell each other an inside joke
  • so many tickle fights turned make out sessions
  • ya’ll make out in the prep room
  • the studio
  • between dance practices
  • in the dorms
  • right in front of jin and namjoon, who just sigh and roll their eyes
  • sex is occasional but when it happens
  • FIRE literal fire bc you guys are so needy for each other
  • the sex is always really sensual
  • never rough, very vanilla
  • and that’s the way you two like it because the only thing on your mind is that you’re with him and that you love him
  • “i miss you”
  • “can you come cuddle with me”
  • “y/n I’m lonelyyyy”
  • opens his arms when he wants to cuddle
  • carries you bridal style upstairs where the two of you bury yourselves in blankets
  • he likes when you’re pretty much laying on top of him
  • because that’s the closest you two can physically get
  • always very worried about you
  • wants to make sure you’re comfortable and wants to help you when you’re sad or stressed
  • always offers to help you with your English homework even though he’s not that great at it
  • literally the sweetest and brings home your favorite food after a particularly rough day
  • always always always trying to teach you how to dance
  • catches you when you trip then slips himself
  • you make fun of his obsession with timbs but when you buy yourself a pair he just smirks at you
  • laughs when you trip but when he trips you make a point to laugh harder
  • usually jimin joins in laughing at that point
  • he’ll get quiet when he’s mad
  • doesn’t smile or talk to anyone
  • you guys don’t fight a lot but when you do it gets the two of you really sad
  • when you fight it’s usually over bigger things like not spending enough time with each other
  • you think he’s overworking himself and he thinks you’re being over dramatic
  • but eventually in the middle of the night after the two of you fought
  • he’ll come upstairs from the couch and lay in your bed and pull you close to him as a way of saying sorry
  • he’ll whisper “y/n i love you”
  • you’ll just hum and roll over so your forehead is touching his chest
  • when you cry he’ll just put you on his lap and stroke your hair and wipe your tears from your eyes
  • and when he’s upset
  • you’ll sit with him and stroke his face and remind him of the inside jokes you two have
  • he always thinks about how grateful he is for you

other members versions coming soon!

Being Peter Parker’s lab partner would include..

- the angel is as awkward as always

- look at his lil face in this gif asdfghj he’s so precious

- a lot of spilling chemicals

- along with confusion

- ‘wait where do i put the iodine do i put it next to the sulfide or the sodium carbonate’

- ‘peter speak english’

- being paired up because you two were the most quiet people in class

- actually being the most shy babies during your first assignment

- ‘hi i’m parker peter, wait no-’

- BET YOU READ THAT WRONG HA

- anyways

- being so shy that you don’t make eye contact for a good two days

Keep reading

Context: I’m DMing for a group who is playing Curse of Strahd. The barabarian, Bruce, forgot to retrieve his magic spear so it was confiscated by the law enforcement of the town they’re in. Seeing how dejected Bruce was, Zindara the warlock went and purchased a wooden spear made to be a child’s toy and used a bit of magic to make it sparkle. He then gave this to the barbarian and attempted to convince him that it was far more powerful than his other one.

Zindara: (IC) “Oh yes, this spear is extremely powerful. It’s a wonder I managed to get my hands on it, but I knew how upset you were to have lost your other one.” (OOC) I roll Deception to convince him this is a magical weapon.

He rolled a 23 while Bruce rolled at 2, so in awe of his new weapon he goes to show it to Larofin the paladin.

Bruce: (IC) “Look at this! Isn’t it amazing!”

Larofin: (OOC) I roll to see through the deception… 17?

Me, the DM: That is pretty obviously a toy spear. There’s even a price tag hanging off of it.

Larofin: (OOC) I want to roll deception to convince him that this is also a holy weapon used to slay a dragon… 19.

The barabarian rolls a 5 so listens in awe as the paladin describes how a holy warrior used this spear to slay an ancient dragon that had threaten to destroy his city’s temple and devour everyone inside. As the story is wrapping up the party’s “no-nonsense” NPC walks up and the barabarian calls her attention to his “treasure”.

Bruce: (IC) “Kamala! Look at this! It’s super powerful and rare! Zindara got it for me!” (OOC) Hah, jokes over now guys.

The NPC sees through the deception easily but doesn’t say anything for a few moments. She raises an eyebrow as she looks at the “legendary” spear, then at Zindara (who is trying not to crack up), then at Larofin (who is trying not to grin), then lastly at Bruce who is obviously very excited. There is a long pause before she speaks…

Kamala: (IC) “Wow, I never thought I’d see a weapon of legend with my own eyes. I used to hear stories about it; that only the most powerful of heroes are capable of wielding it.”

She rolled a 21 for charism and he, of course, rolled a nat 1 as the warlock and paladin nearly fell over laughing both in and out of character. Bruce is now completely convinced that this is a legendary magic weapon used by a famous paladin to slay an evil dragon, and thus calls it the “Sacred Spear of Dragon Slaying”.