this is a shitty coincident

Jinxes, Hexes, and Curses

About This Masterpost
Thicket’s Magical Masterpost

Jinxes, hexes, and curses are all part of the same category of malicious magic. This is magic done to harm. It may be done for the greater good, but in general it is always offensive and always meant to hurt another person.

A jinx is the least damaging of all malicious magics. It is more like a nasty trick or prank than an actual attack. Considering they serve little strategic value in battle, I consider jinxes to be just plain cruel.

Hexes are magical attacks. A hex can be relatively minor or extremely dangerous, depending on the spell chosen and how much power it has.

Curses are not simply more powerful hexes. In my path, a curse is life-changing. It permanently alters fate and destiny. I doubt the majority of magical workers in the world can cast a true curse. For this reason we will mostly be talking about jinxes and hexes, since curses are beyond the scope of this article. The purpose of this post is to talk about hex and jinx identification and breaking.

A hex can have endless symptoms, from the vague to the specific. When you are hexed, things just start to go wrong, in your body, your mind, or your life (or all three, if you are against a wicked opponent). When trying to identify hexing symptoms for yourself or another, keep an eye on what is abnormal. Don’t get what is normal twisted with what is a symptom of hexing. If someone normally has anxiety, then don’t assume that is being caused by a hex. Instead, keep an eye on if that anxiety worsens, changes, or is triggered by new things.

A few common hexing symptoms: Headaches, nausea, stomach pain, body pain, anxiety, worry, nightmares, insomnia, sleep paralysis, uncontrollable thoughts, strange impulses or compulsions, being unable to keep track of time, breaking objects on accident, phobias or fears, being in physical danger (car accidents, assaults), people treat you differently (as if they dislike you for some reason now), always being at the wrong place at the wrong time, positive relationships start decaying, unhealthy people come back in to your life, things just plain going wrong.

Now let me slow your roll for a moment. Remember that you are looking for abnormal symptoms. If people haven’t liked you your entire life, it is unlikely that a witch put a curse on you as an infant. If you have had a fear of spiders since you were bitten twelve years ago, it doesn’t mean that was a symptom of a spider-hex and now your natural spiders means you are under magical attack. Be reasonable. People have headaches every day for mundane reasons, and their “unexplainable” symptoms could be traced back to their Oreo and Mountain Dew exclusive diet. What you are looking for is a thread of unexplained commonality.

Remember that people seem to have a natural and powerful inclination to blame their problems on magic. I absolutely know once I publish this article I am going to get many messages from many people down on their luck asking if they have been hexed or cursed. In reality, their inability to take their foot off the gas pedal is what’s giving them speeding tickets, not some magical scapegoat. That being said, if you reasonably do believe you’ve been hexed, absolutely contact me; my point is that people often like to think they have been hexed, when they have not.

Another important part of identifying magical attack is figuring out where it would have come from. A friend of mine has many common hexing symptoms, and he knows of a magical practitioner who would have had it out for him exactly at the time all these symptoms started. If not for the knowledge of this person, I would doubt he was under magical attack. So if you or a friend match a lot of these symptoms – where did they come from? Magical attack does not spawn out of thin air.

Or does it?

Many of the symptoms of hexing are shared by symptoms of spirit attack. Which can, literally, come from nowhere. There is no harm in doing a full banishing along with a hex reversal. This is not the post to discuss spirit attack, just be aware that you are not necessarily being hexed even if you are under true spiritual attack.

Ask yourself what big event happened at the time a hex was supposedly laid upon you or another. Did they get married, possibly inciting jealousy in another? Did they screw someone over? Did they get promoted, move, lose their job, find a new partner, or break up? Gather all the information you can about what was going on in this person’s life at the start of their symptoms. This will provide clues as to the possible source of magical attack, allowing you to build better defenses.

Basically when it comes to breaking spiritual attack, there are a few basic steps you will want to take.

Protect the person as best you can. If someone is under a true spiritual attack, there are two basic options. Either their opponent has hexed them once and forgotten about it, or the attack is ongoing. If the attack is ongoing, it means that any steps to break the hex may be noticed and be met with redoubled efforts by the opponent. You will want to lay personal protections on them, as well as creating a safe haven in their bedroom or home/apartment. If you are going to be helping yourself, check your wards and put a lot of solid energy in to them. But don’t rely on them – after all, they did not prevent the attack from coming through the first time. Question where your protections are lacking and how you can reinforce them.

Uncross the person very thoroughly. An uncrossing is a way to remove magical hexes and bindings. It is simple but powerful magic. Uncrossing spells will be given at the end.

[Cleanse] the person and their home thoroughly, to remove any residual energies.

Bless the person and their home, to restore a sense of peace, security, and safety.

Blast the opponent, if necessary. If you have found yourself caught up in an ongoing spiritual attack, sometimes the best way to handle it is to cripple your opponent through your own offensive measures.

Posts on protection, uncrossing, and blessing will come later. Read about cleansing [here].

Let me encourage you not to handle hexing cases alone. There is no shame in reaching out when someone is actually attacking you, you know? It’s not something you have to handle alone. Just make sure you don’t incite your friends to mob mentality violence. That’s not cool, either.

Let’s take a moment and talk about blasting, owl-blinking, nightmaring, and hexing – on your side of the fence. Hexes and curses get thrown around like cheap Halloween candy on Tumblr, and most of them are radically dangerous, written by teenagers and young adults who are out for vengeance no matter the price.

Well, screw that mentality. You do not have to sacrifice yourself using dangerous hexes in order to get back at someone. I’m not going to touch the issue ethically, you are your own person and you get to choose who to hurt. I am going to brush up against this issue magically, to try and teach how to cast a safe hex. Incidentally, I don’t believe in the 3fold law, for those of you who asked me.

Hexing someone is like dragging a bucket of shit through your house in order to dump it on your cheating boyfriend. That nasty energy is going to get everywhere. When I cleanse, I feel light and refreshed, because that cleansing energy has rubbed off on me. When I cast a love spell I hit up my boys afterwords because that love energy has rubbed off on me. When I cast a hex, I feel angry, violent, and raw – because that same energy has gotten in to my system. When you cast a spell, part of that spell stays within you.

The nasty energy starts when you start thinking up the most vile things to throw at someone. As you feed that anger, you also feed the hex growing within yourself. But that energy doesn’t exist to hurt one person, it exists to hurt everyone – including you. As you dwell on your anger and hurt and plans to hex, that energy builds and builds and starts to overflow on to your personal energies and life. Ever notice how people who spend a lot of time hexing also seem to have shitty things constantly happening to them through pure coincidence?

When the hex itself is cast, that bottled up energy explodes out in one direction, towards your victim. But just as a gun fires a bullet, that gunpowder residue also explodes and gets all over whoever fired the gun.

But wait! There’s more. That energy is going to follow a pipeline to your enemy – your astral relationship pipeline. When no pipeline exists, a taglock such as a photo, hair, or nail clippings are used instead. This is how a witch with no personal investment can hex someone. But this relationship pipeline isn’t reduced, damaged, or cut off when a hex is sent, leaving you free from this person’s influence. The pipeline reacts exactly how it is supposed to react when a huge amount of energy is sent through it: it gets stronger. Ever notice how you can hex someone ten times and your relationship seems to get deeper and more complicated and shitty every time, leaving you in a swamp of shit when you just wanted to hex someone and get them out of your life? Yeah.

So there are two basic problems when it comes to hexing. The first is that the hex energy gets all over you and fucks you up, and the second is that hexing someone makes your astral relationship grow stronger, not weaker. Fortunately taking care of these problems is easy.

If you’ve made up your mind to be a hex-witch, you need to build up your natural protections and fortifications before you get deep in to the attack magic. This will help guard against all that nasty energy hurting you. Engage in regular cleansings – more than someone who doesn’t do hexes. Rip hexes off like bandaids. You don’t need to feed a hex for weeks and weeks before you cast it. Go deep, cast it hard, then cleanse thoroughly. Use your most powerful cleansers on yourself, your home, and the area you did the hex in.

After you are aware that the hex has been delivered (through social media, hearing about that person’s troubles, or magical sensing) cut the bond between the two of you through any regular spell. Check out my post on bindings for a little more info on breaking a relationship bind.

Then, release. Release that anger. Release your need for justice and vengeance. The spell has been cast, your work has been done. The more you hold on to it, the more you give room for those shitty energies to build back up in your life. Do a magical ritual. Burn your memories of that person. Burn what they did to you. Let the ashes blow away in the wind. Recover. Treat yo’ self. Hanging on, and casting hex after hex after hex just to punish a person, is dragging yourself down with them. Eventually your job will be done. (I will also argue that if one hex doesn’t cut it, then two won’t either)

Anyway, let’s focus on some hex-breaking spells.

Simple Candle Buster

Take a black taper candle. The next best colors are red and white. Any color taper will do in a pinch. Carve away the bottom end of the candle so that the wick pokes out. This reversal symbolizes, well, reversal. Coat the candle in any of the hex-breaking oils or waters listed at the end. Surround the candle-holder with the hottest peppers you have access to. Charge these peppers with the intent to burn and shred any spell attached to you. Once your candle is set up with the peppers, speak to the spell. Ask it to utterly destroy and terrorize any malicious spell cast upon you. Ask it to send the spell back to its creator. Allow the candle to burn down fully.

Egg-xit My Aura

Take a whole egg. Fresh is best if you can get it, otherwise it doesn’t really matter. Rub the egg all over your body or have someone else do it for you. Start at the feet and go upwards. You do not have to be nude. Chant, “Egg, egg, take away all the shit that’s in my way.” Vividly imagine that every curse and hex placed upon you is consumed within the infinite depths of the egg. Throw it away outside of your home. Do not break it.

You’ll Rue The Day

Take a very long and enjoyable soak in a bath filled with rue, angelica, or any other curse-breaker you know. Avoid adding chili peppers to the bath, for obvious reasons. Ensure that you charge the bath with hex-breaking properties. As you bathe, feel the plant spirits washing over you and consuming the hex placed around you, both ethereally and astrally. This is not for pregnant or nursing women.

Doll Hex-Breaker

Craft a poppet of yourself. Coat it in any hex-breaking oils that you see fit. Allow it to soak in Four Thieves Vinegar overnight, in moonlight if possible. In the morning, coddle the doll and coat it with uncrossing, protective, or beneficial oils and waters. Keep the doll safe until it dries fully. Undo the poppet magic (remove all traces of its association to you) and store until you wish to use it again, or discard it.

Flying Devil Powder

Create a blend of black pepper, cinnamon, dragon’s blood, patchouli, and vetiver. If not all ingredients are available, use what you have. Add anything else intuition tells you you should add. Burn this substance on a hot charcoal and stand within the smoke. It makes the devils fly away.

Lemon Lime Bath

Take as many lemons and limes as you have. Squeeze them in to the bath water and include the rinds. Add nine bay leaves. Bathe thoroughly.

War Water Bath

Add war water to the bath. Bathe. Imagine that iron weapons spring from the bath and mutilate any malicious spell placed upon you.

Grind It Up

Take three of the hottest dried peppers you have. Name each pepper, “you are the curse placed upon me.” Grind the peppers together. Whack them a whole bunch with the pestle, too. As you do so, imagine that the curses are being torn to shreds. Take the ground up seeds and chili skin. Add it to a new protective charm and wear it in addition to your other armors.

Salted Lemons

This is a more complex one. You will need a lemon, some salt, and some holy water. Light one black, one red, and one white candle. Light uncrossing incense (rue, cinnamon, hyssop, bay leaf. Whatever you have). Pass a knife through the incense smoke. Hold the blade in the flame of each of the three candles, then sprinkle the blade with holy water. Using this knife, slice the lemon in to three sections. Dip each section in to the holy water, then in to the dish of salt so they are completely coated. Leave the lemon slices out on a paper towel. When they are completely dried, the hex is thoroughly removed. If the lemon slices start to rot, the hex has not been removed. To negate the hex, use holy water. To return the hex, use war water.

Mesopotamian Incantation

This useful hex-breaker reaffirms your value to the universe, elevating you above the spells mean to harm you. Begin chanting:

“I am pleasing, I am pleasing

Heaven takes pleasure in me

Earth takes pleasure in me

The ocean takes pleasure in me

The sky takes pleasure in me

The gods take pleasure in me

The sun takes pleasure in me

The moon takes pleasure in me

My mother takes pleasure in me…

Continue on in this manner, naming every good and wonderful thing you can think of. Your significant other, your dogs. Whatever gives you power and strength, affirm that it takes pleasure (loves you and wants you to be safe) in you. Continue on for as long as you desire. Then, end with this. Shout if necessary:

“Many any evil magic on me be dispelled

May any evil magic on me be removed!”

Second Mesopotamian Spell

Chant the following:

“Evil man

Evil Eye

Evil mouth

Evil tongue

Evil spell

Witchcraft, spit, saliva, evil deeds, evil thoughts

Get out of the house now!”

Four Thieves Vinegar

Uses: Highly purifying and protective, also healing.

Obtain the best possible red wine or apple cider vinegar. Peel and crush garlic cloves and add them to the vinegar; the more garlic, the better. Choose four of the following ingredients to add: Black pepper, whole chili pepper, coriander, lavender, mint, rosemary, rue, sage, thyme, or wormwood. Allow to sit for four days, shaking once daily, before using.

Glory Water

Uses: Drives away ill fortune, draws success. Perhaps very useful for your self care.

In fresh water, combine the following: Orange blossom water or neroli hydrosol. Frankincense resin or essential oil. Essential oil of bergamont. Orange blossom water/neroli is essential and cannot be substituted or replaced.

Pollution Water

Uses: Clears pollution, aids in banishment

Grind ashes, salt, and red pepper in to a fine powder. Add this powder to spring water. The product is intensified if the ashes are from burned holy verses or prayers of protection.

Crown of Success Oil

Use: To bring success unto its wearer.

Combine bay leaves, frankincense, sandalwood, and vetiver in to sunflower, olive, or jojoba oils. Essential oils may be used instead of the dried plant matter. Wear regularly as part of your self care. Something tells me Joobs may like this one.

Fiery Wall of Protection Oil

Use: Protection

Blend powdered dragon’s blood resin and sea salt together. Add frankincense and myrrh. Add to castor oil. If necessary, include olive oil to reduce thickness. Wear as a perfume to protect yourself, or add to a jar and carry as a talisman. If you choose to add cinnamon and ginger, it cannot be worn on the skin.

Flying Devil Oil

Use: Banishment

Blend red pepper and/or hot chili peppers in to olive oil or baby oil. This spicy mix will drive away unwanted spirits and spells.

8

Silverflint + staring 

Part 2: Flint your sad gay is showing 

[Part 1: Silver can’t chill when Flint looks at him]

(note: this is the part 1 of the pnp au. this is part ? of the au) 

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a fortune must be in want of a wife. Or so Lardo’s mother tried to impress on her for years. When Lardo heard it at five years of age, she thought it was stupidly sexist. When she heard it as she was going through Samwell, she thought it was stupidly heteronormative. But repetitions stick in your head, and sometimes Lardo would catch herself staring at a man wondering whether or not her mother would approve of him as her son in law.

Her mother would definitely approve of Bitty as her son in law, Lardo thought, as she hung up his portrait on the wall of the art gallery. It was one of her more distinctive paintings; she usually preferred the surrealist style, but she was feeling restless that day and made Bitty pause in the middle of chopping apples and pose for half an hour in order to do a quick sketch of his lithe figure. That quick sketch became a quick watercolor, and when she bought new oil paints and had some canvas left over from one of her bigger pieces, she christened those paints with Bitty’s profile. It wasn’t meant to be part of the exhibit, but when the curator saw the piece in the corner of all her other works, he had insisted she include it.

“Eric is a good man,” her mother had said. “He’s the kind that won’t mind marrying a headstrong girl like you.”

Keep reading

It starts with a photo sent to the wrong number and now he feels like one of those characters in the dramas where you meet your soulmate through a strange mishap of events. 

read Life’s full of coincidences series here

Check Please Plays D&D

It’s one in the morning, I just finished a horrible project that I never want to deal with again, and I just need to write something. So:

I saw some Tweets by Her Excellency Lady Ngozi Ukazu earlier tonight (this post) where Jack’s internal monologue sounded disturbingly similar to the instant messaging method of my Dungeon Master. Naturally, I told @a-canker-in-a-hedge, who screamed, and then I screamed, and then we spent half an hour talking about how SMH would play D&D. All of this is, of course, her fault.

So, without further ado, SMH plays D&D.

  • Starting off with Jack, my history nerd son, who is the Dungeon Master of a 5e game. He learned how to DM from the older siblings of his peewee players, who would talk about their campaign while they waited for the smol babbies. He was Intrigued™
  • Naturally Jack “110%” Zimmermann, when he got involved with D&D, immediately went full nerd on it. He read so many 3.5 books, guys. He was so confused by Pathfinder, and still sometimes falls back on 3.5 rules rather than 5e ones
  • He didn’t… mean to DM. He moved away from his old campaign when he came to Samwell, and the Fantasy Club at Samwell has a D&D group, but their sessions coincided with practices, and Shitty found out that he played, and then things sort of snowballed
  • And if he’s gonna do it, he’s gonna do it his way. So… in his first year, Jack wrote up his own setting. It’s got all the standard D&D stuff in it, it’s just not exactly the setting from the books. Gives more verisimilitude to the players, right?
  • Also lets Jack put in all the history nerd stuff
  • Every battle in both of the world wars is referenced somewhere in his setting
  • So, yeah, in that first year, Johnson and Shitty were his main players, with a sort of steady cycle of any other guys they could convince to play a session with them
  • Jack considered inviting Camilla Collins to play, but decided against it because she wasn’t super interested and also you never DM for a romantic/sexual partner unless it’s a really solid relationship. That Way Lies Disaster
  • There were standard characters that they got handed to fill out the party
  • Shitty was the leader of the group (which he calls “Shits and Giggles”) an elven bard with so much hair. Guys. Just. So much beautiful flow
  • The description of the character changes depending on a) how much clothing Shitty is wearing and b) how high he is, but there is so much hair. Just. Godiva up in here
  • And so much Cha. Shitty knows what he’s doing, and what he’s doing is making it so no one will ever hit him because they’re too busy being in awe of him
  • Why yes, he does use and abuse Charm Person
  • Johnson plays a human fighter. When Shitty asked him why he was playing such a standard character, he said, “Well, the writers didn’t actually think about me when they were screaming about this little offshoot of canon, and anyway it’s pretty meta that I’m a fictional person playing a game as a fictional version of me, so, well, *shrug*”
  • Shitty will never know how he created asterisks in speech

Okay, this is going under a cut:

Keep reading

there are only particular occasions in which Louis shows his middle finger to the camera and they all seem to coincide with : beards, stunts, shitty people around him, shitty radio hosts or shitty interviews about stunts. 

You draw your own conclusion. 

oh. my god. i just noticed something

in the ‘gang goes to hell’ mac’s wearing his beast coast shirt when he “comes out” as gay

mac’s wearing the shirt same in ‘hero or hate crime,’ and presumably throws it out  because it’s got a dog shit footprint on it (he was disgusted to see that charlie still had it it)

pretty sure this might’ve been intentional on rcg’s part ??? maybe admitting to how shitty the queer bait last season was (pun intended) ???

in conclusion: coincidence ?? i think not

but seriously tho like all the x men are training in the danger room or smth and kurt is bamfing all over the place and pietro’s speeding around trying to catch him. of course it’s not fair and no one could catch kurt even if they can run really really fast. but you know how kurt is, and one time he got distracted and didn’t see pietro and the guy just slammed into him and took them both down. cue one of those shitty romcom ‘wow what a coincidence i fell right on top of you’ moments but with more sass because it’s pietro and kurt

i know astrology is like objective or whatever but saturn is a shitty planet and it’s no coincidence that it represents The Father bc i hate him too

okay it can’t be a coincidence that once i got out of that shitty relationship that my battery power is better on my ipod. like we barely texted when we were together so i can’t contribute that to the battery loss so lol he was cursed

@strikesic

Jack hadn’t expected her to confront him. He hadn’t even wanted to end up in the same little diner as the former Winter Soldier. It had just sort of happened, and of course, he had been a bit shocked upon seeing her there, to the point of briefly freezing. Jack just looked away, hoping the sunglasses and baseball cap (which were probably suspicious to her, knowing what she knew) would cover enough of his face that she wouldn’t recognize him. God, of all the shitty coincidences to occur.. “Don’t flatter yourself,” he answered gruffly, still keeping his gaze averted now, “I wasn’t staring at you.” 

She raised a skeptical eyebrow, but didn’t say anything else as she turned back to her coffee. Still, she kept watching him out of the corner of her eye. Between the sunglasses and the hat, it was hard to see the man’s face, but something about him was niggling at the back of her mind like a loose tooth.

She’d seen him before; she was sure of it. She just didn’t know where.

Dex Knows What He’s Doing

OK so many Dex + Nursey fans are strongly convinced that Dex is the super conservative dude who hasn’t come to terms with liking guys yet and has zero experience… while our man Nursey is the one to show him the ropes. And I really love reading those stories.

But what if it’s the other way around?

Keep reading

Self Identity

I’ve noticed that the people who identify as otherkin, deitykin, fictionkin, etc, always identify as the cool ones and never the shitty ones. Is it just coincidence that everyone of them has some really powerful creature that is in control of or the leader of something. They’re never and kin that just follow. There’s no bacteriakin or houseflykin, and you wanna know why? thats cause none of them want to be that, cause they won’t get the satisfaction they’ve been wanting from it. Otherkin who are some really powerful creature are most likely that because they lack power in the real world so they imagine themselves as everything they wish they could be in the real world.

A Ouija Board is NOT good idea... EVER

I’m that asshole…  You know, that asshole who moves the pointer while playing with a Ouija Board.  I don’t know why - I guess I just liked knowing I was the one responsible for scaring the shit out of people instead of something or someone I couldn’t see.  Or maybe I just didn’t believe that a commercially made product could “talk” to ghosts.  Who knows?   But, I as found out, Karma definitely is a bitch.

One night in college, a friend of mine was over and we were studying.  One of those ghost shows came on the tv and they were messing around with a Ouija Board.  My friend, Liz, said offhandedly to me, “You know, I’ve never played with one of those.”  I was definitely surprised.   Ouija Boards were such a staple of my childhood - hundreds of “sleepovers” with me scaring the crap out of little girls by the moving the pointer on the board and that whole “light as a feather, stiff as a board” thing.  I couldn’t fathom someone growing up and not experiencing it.  I started talking about random “experiences” I’ve had with the board and tried to convince her it would be a good idea to run out to WalMart and buy one.  Finally, I was successful and off we went, our studies abandoned on the table.  College priorities at it’s finest, I guess.

After our Walmart trip, we got back to my apartment and opened the box.  We spared no expense - it was the “Glow In The Dark Special Edition.”  Talk about class.  Liz looked like she was about to piss her pants as I explained how to put your fingers on the pointer.  We lit some candles and turned off all the lights.

“Ok, so just ask whatever,” I said, secretly smirking,

“Like what?” She asked.

“I don’t know.  Something fun, like ‘when am I going to die’ or something.”  This was always one of my favorite questions for people to ask because, while pushing the pointer, I could really freak them out.

“I don’t want to know that!”

Damn.  I was a bit disappointed, but went with it.  I suggested just trying to “open our minds” and see who would come through.  I was already planning to have JFK come through - not many of my friends know I am a huge JFK buff so I can usually creep them out with the amount of knowledge “the ghost of JFK” knows about his assassination and whatnot.

We put our fingers on the pointer and nothing happened.  I was letting the tension grow before I started my pushing.  It’s always better to start slow!

All of a sudden, the pointer started to move… and I wasn’t pushing it for once.

“You can’t push it,” I yelled at her.  Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.  I didn’t want her to ruin my plan.

“I’m not!” Liz shouted back.

“Well, obviously you are 'cause I’m not!”

“Aren’t the ghosts supposed to move it?” She asked.

I guess she got me there.  I just sat back, shut up, and watched the pointer move.  I was convinced she was moving it.  She had to be.  There was no way a ghost was communicating with us through a glow in the dark “spirit board” that I bought for $17.99 at WalMart.

After a few minutes, we finally got a message: I-M-I-S-S-U-L-I-Z.  

Liz was, understandably, a bit freaked out that the “spirit” knew her name.  I was too, but I kept telling myself she was moving it, whether it be subconsciously or not.  We kept going.

I-N-E-D-2-S-E-E-U-G-A-I-N-S-O-O-N.

“I need to see you again soon?  What does that mean?!” Liz asked, getting more and more freaked out.

“I don’t know,” I said, and honestly meant what I said.  I had no idea what was going on.  I hate to admit it, but I was starting to get freaked out.  The Ouija Board NEVER worked for me before.

“You’re moving it!” she yelled.

“No, I’m not, I swear!” and I did swear.  I wasn’t moving it for once in my life.

“Yes, you are!”

She keep insisting I was moving it, but we kept going.  The pointer stopped moving for a few minutes.  I was intrigued, yet scared - I wanted to see what else it would do, but I was afraid of what I’d find out.  Finally, getting a bit impatient, I asked the first question of the night: “Who is this?  What do you want?”

I-A-M-W-I-L-L-[HELLO]-L-I-Z-I-S-T-I-L-L-O-V-E-U

Liz looked like she was going to lose her dinner all over the board.  "Who’s Will?“ I asked.

"Seriously… are you moving it?” Liz responded in a thin whisper.

“No, I told you I wasn’t.  Who’s Will?”

“He’s my ex-boyfriend who killed himself after we broke up.  Really, are you moving it?  Because this isn’t funny.”

I tried to convince her that I wasn’t, but she didn’t believe me.   She just sat there looking like, excuse the pun, she had just seen a ghost.  I suggested we quit.  "Listen, Liz, obviously this is upsetting to you.  Let’s just stop now and–“

"No, I need to know if he’s ok,” she said with a determined look on her face.  "But I have to make sure it’s not just you pushing it and fucking with me.“

After a bit of discussion, we decided that I would keep my fingers on the pointer, but keep my head down and not look.  That way, I wouldn’t know where to push it.  I agreed and sat there, feeling more and more uneasy.  I put my head down and closed my eyes, trying to focus all of my energy or whatever the hell Ghost Will needed to, maybe, bring some closure to Liz.  

After about a minute of sitting there with my head down and eyes closed, I started to go cold all over.  It was unlike any other feeling of cold I have had.  The only way to describe it is that my bones were cold and it was chilling me from the inside out.  I tried to brush it off - maybe there was a draft coming in from the cool spring air outside.  Then, without warning, my head, for lack of a better term, exploded with all of these gruesome images I couldn’t control.  It was as if any single irrational or rational fear I had throughout the course of my life multiplied its intensity by a thousand and slammed into my brain at the same time.  It only seemed to last for a second and a year at the same time, but, regardless of however long it was, every single image was burned into my head.  I jerked away from the table, trying not to scream.

"What’s wrong?” Liz asked, smiling at me.  What the fuck was she smiling about?

“I don’t know what–why are you smiling?!  What the fuck is so funny?” I could barely contain myself.  Deep down, I knew I was acting crazy, but I couldn’t help it.

“Nothing’s funny.  I’m just smiling because I had the nicest conversation with Will.  He doesn’t blame me!”

“What the hell do you mean?” I snapped again.  "It’s only been like a fucking minute since we started.“

Liz’s face scrunched up in confusion.  "What do you mean?  I’ve been talking to Will for the last 2 hours…”

What.  The.  Fuck.

Needless to say, I was a bit creeped out.  Ok, more than creeped out.  I was terrified.  I threw that damn board back in the box as quick as I could and blew out all of the candles.  I shoved the box into the closet as far back as it could go - I didn’t want to look at it anymore.  I announced abruptly that I was going to drive Liz home and opened the door, trying to hurry her.  It was definitely out of character.  She obliged, however, and we got into the car.

The whole 5 minute drive seemed like an eternity.  I could swear I’d see things on the side of the road but, at second glance, they weren’t there.  Images I had seen of my baby sister mutilated and whatnot from that weird trance-like dream I had started to shimmer in the corners of my eyes.  I swerved about a million times, thinking I was going to hit one of these “things” but nothing was there.  By the time we got to her apartment, Liz looked at me like I was crazy.  

“Are you sure you’re ok?” She asked.

“Yeah, just get out of the damn car already,” I snapped back at her, almost surprising myself with how mean I was being.  Though I fully admit to fucking with people while using Ouija Boards, I really am a nice person.  I swear!

Liz did as I asked and I sped away, eager to get to the “safety” of my apartment.

When I opened the door, I noticed 2 things right away - it was about 30 degrees in the apartment and all of the blinds and curtains were wide open.  I was confused but I tried not to let my mind wander.  I shut all of the curtains and cranked the heat - it was April so it wasn’t freezing outside, but it wasn’t hot either.  Normal spring time weather.

After shutting all of the blinds and whatnot, I sat on the couch and tried to turn on the lamp.  The light went on and then popped off.  I again tried to shake it off as a shitty coincidence.  I changed the light bulb and went to turn it on again.  POP.  Out again.  I went to go turn on the overhead light instead.  POP.  All three bulbs popped off at the same time.  At about this point, I was basically pissing my pants I was so scared… but I tried to remain as calm as I could.  It wasn’t easy, let me tell you.

I grabbed as many blankets as I could and sat on the couch in the (dark) living room.  I was going to light the candles we had used when we used the board, but I didn’t want anything related to that fucking thing around me.  I turned on the television and blared it, hoping that I could just attribute any noise and flash of something in the corner of my eyes to the television.  You know you’ve done it too.

Unfortunately, it didn’t work.  I was just starting to doze off when this loud beeping woke me up.  It sounded like the worst alarm clock ever.  It was coming from the closet where I had thrown the Ouija Board.  I slowly went over and opened the door… out fell an old alarm clock (I think it was my roommate’s… I hope it was my roommate’s…) blaring uncontrolably.  I hurriedly shut the door so the Ouija Board would stay in there and I started looking at the clock to turn it off… Not only were there no batteries in it nor was it plugged in anywhere, but the time flashing on the clock was 4:16am.  My birthday (hence the user name).

What the fuck?!

Needless to say, I threw that thing quite far and it broke into a million little pieces.

I wish it stopped there.  I really do.  But, little did I know, that was just the warm up so to say… the “opening act” to a three act shit show that has become my life.

I have to go to work right now, or I would tell you more… though I hope this is enough to convince EVERYONE never ever ever fuck with a Ouija Board.

EDIT I just put up “Part II” here.  This initial Ouija Board session was just the start of all kinds of crazy shit… But I’d like to thank everyone who is reading this - it’s very relieving to be able to finally tell SOMEONE this story without fear of being 302’d.  I appreciate it :)

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written by SaraSmile416