People are saying that our moment is stupid (that she’s already said his name like six times), but the thing they don’t understand–the reason we’re getting all happy–is the fact that Maya said his name casually…every other time she’s said it…it’s been for a serious matter…this time she was just saying his name…and that’s why Lucas was so surprised. I know we may be overreacting…but…we don’t get a lot of scenes…give us this one little thing.
It was pretty obvious how desperately Y/N tried to convince me that my feelings for her weren’t as strong - or serious in that matter.
She tried to set me up with her friends, beat my ass at League Of Legends to frustrate me, avoided being alone with me when Ashton was around but she could do everything she wanted: I was caught up by her.
Today, she again introduced me to one of her friends, Anne, and we all went clubbing together.
It’s not like I didn’t get used to Y/N and Ashton being in a relationship - it was hard, for sure, but not impossible.
The time where she was in university was probably the easiest for me since it wasn’t just Ashton and her having space but also Y/N and I.
On the other hand I missed her a lot when she wasn’t around on the tour bus, asking me about the show or babbling about a new artist she discovered and if I heared of them before.
Torture. That’s exactly what she was doing to me.
However, Anne was a nice catch, not gonna lie.
She was kind and gentle with me - loving even, but how couldn’t she be? Anne was friends with Y/N after all.
(See how hard it is not to talk about her? Geez…)
Ashton wasn’t aware at all.
I don’t know if he was just damn ignorant or if I was actually that good at hiding what I felt for his girlfriend. (Note to self: his girlfriend. Not mine. Nice, that we clarified that again - I just need a reminder sometimes…)
I luckily didn’t see Y/N much this night, being preoccupied with dancing with Anne by ourselves and it sure was nice to have a distraction, facing that Ashton was making out with his girl somewhere around the club, in all probability.
Soon the distraction was over though when I saw my best friend, cupping Y/N’s ass firmly when they danced.
It’s not like I didn’t know their relationship was partly physical but I actually wasn’t too keen on having it shoved in my face.
“I’ll get us a drink!” I shouted towards Anne, who then let go of my body, which was pressed into hers until then.
One beer; maybe two.
And by the end of the night, I lost track.
It didn’t take Anne long until she started kissing me passionately - as good as our drunken selves managed it but we sure had to break apart since I needed the toilet anytime soon.
That’s when it happened.
The one thing, that’s never supposed to happen in existence of any friendship - no matter how often you argue or how rarely you see each other. It’s a no-go.
And it certainly was the breaking point of Ashton’s trust in me.
I remember scuffing towards the back of the club, pushing myself past dancing people on my way to feel relief in my bladder.
She was there, leaning against the wall in the little hallway which lead to the toilets.
Y/N was on her phone, apparently waiting for one of her friends to return from the door opposite her.
I made heavy steps to her, sloppily resting my shoulder against the red-painted wall.
“Heyy” I slurred, leaning down to her and she smiled, grasping my arm with her tiny hand, afraid I might fall over probably.
“Anne and you seem to have a connection” Y/N laughed lightly, wiping some lipstick off my cheek which her friend apparently left there.
“hmm sure” I murmured, eyes barely open as I reached for her hand, still holding onto my arm.
“ ’s just..”
Y/N looked down up at me, waiting for me to speak my mind but I refused to.
“whatever” I trailed off, bringing my beer back to my lips, not missing how she held me in place with her beautiful eyes.
“No, what’s with her? Did she say something or-”
“She’s not you, Y/N!” I let the bootle touch her jaw gently, sliding it up and down her skin slowly, before repeating “not you…” and taking another sip.
She sighed and looked away.
“Hey I’m sorry, don’t listen, I’m wasted”
Y/N snickered. “Couldn’t have guessed. You always rub beer in my face so”
My head collided with the wall harshly and Y/N gasped to my action.
“Stop doing that!” I now shouted, squeezing my eyes shut.
I caught her completely off guard.
“The things you do to me are not okay, Y/N! Please stop it, it hurts me” it sounded so desperate, winey even, when the words left my mouth.
Looking back, this wasn’t fair from me. I blamed her for something which she was not account for but my melancholic and dunk self didn’t give two shits.
She seemed sad. Very sad and not really aware what to do, as she just leg go of my arm, trying to push past me with a hushed “sorry”.
I couldn’t let that happen.
Wrapping my hand around her wrist, I pulled her back.
“Okay listen…I…” wiping my underarm across my forehead, I tried to sort my head out. “I fucked up. Big time.”
She looked down on her feet.
“…but since I fucked up so much already, I can’t do much worse so-”
Grabbing for the back of her neck, I pulled her closer to my face quickly.
Exactly quick enough for her to not register what I was about to do.
“I know I can’t have you” I whispered against her lips, licking mine in anticipation and totally ignoring the wrinkles of concern between her eyebrows.
“but I at least wanna try this. Just once. Just tonight.”
Leaning my forehead against hers I brought my hand which was still grasping the beer bottle until then to her jaw, gently brushing my thumb across her cheekbone.
“Just for me”
I can’t remember if she tried to fight it. Maybe I do and just want to deny that I took advantage of her that night though?
Who the fuck even knows??!
Everything I remember 100% clear is the expression on Ashton’s face, when my lips broke away from hers.
A/N Cock A Doodle DOO The COW SAYS MOO! I finally carried on with this one as requested some time ago :)
If you’re a lame noodle like me, sign my wall of fame! I’d love you to stop by or maybe also wanna give feedback in my ask?
Time will run out if I repeat the testimony of all those who have translated according to the sense. It suffices for the present the name Hilary the Confessor who turned homilies on Job and many commentaries on the psalms from Greek into Latin and did not camp near the soporific letter nor contort himself with a foul translation characteristic of rustics, but by right of victory carried the meaning as if captive into his own language. -Saint Jerome, Letter to Pammachius
“Thank you for coming, Echo, your arrival is as welcome as morning. I have invited the Wa to a gathering tonight. We must earn their trust if I am to go back to my grove.” Hestia looked out over Wayfinder strait with a wistful smile, and Echo realized that she must be revisiting memories of the Bonsai, a beautiful place she had never seen.
“Tonight? Matriarch… I believe you may not realize the importance of what you have done. Leaving the cave at night is a serious matter among Wayfinder’s people. They have already shown great trust by accepting your invitation. When they arrive you should expect more… familiarity… than usual… and more careful judgement from Gojiha.” Echo was devoting only half her attention to talking with Hestia, inwardly she was preparing for the gathering. I must be like to the water of Wayfinder Strait, in that I carry whatever cares to cross me.
“Gojiha will come? I invited all of them, not mentioning any names…” Hestia’s abstracted look vanished as she finally seemed to return to the present.
“Undoubtedly. She is their answerer, she will decide their… the Wa have a word, ‘consensus.’ Each individual will only accept what all of them have accepted, and the answerer judges how much that… collective shadow… covers.”
Eros tried to listen to Hesita and Gojiha exchanging their effusively long-winded greetings, but he was looking at Hefona over her shoulder. She was grinning at him with a kind of wide open frankness that was new even to him… and studying women’s amorous faces was something he could boast substantial experience in. It might have been mistaken for the look in a girl’s eyes when she is just discovering love, but it was quite different; there was no fear or doubt in Hefona’s smile, as though she had no concept that relationships between men and women could be dangerous or painful– then the Wa were moving into the thicket.
“Erosh! Hefona hyamem luewfem!” She squeezed him tightly.
“I have no compass of what sense you sing, you magnificent creature,” he answered, laughing joyfully and running his long green fingers through her shining red hair. Continuing to talk in that soft, humming way the people of this world had, she took him by the hand and led him away from the thicket and toward the water, calling something over her shoulder to Echo, who looked surprised, but followed them. Eros didn’t notice how Gojiha nodded in approval to see three going down to the beach instead of two, but Echo did. Flopping down on the sand and continuing to hum, Hefona produced a set of dried and flattened leaves, marked with what looked like writing, though it was composed of rising and falling lines, not the discrete characters of Dendric script.
“Eros, Hefona wishes to speak to you through me.” Echo sat on a dune, looking out at the water. “She says that… Your beauty is like to the sun, in that it makes her bloom. She wishes to read a poem written by her brother Yuluf, which encompasses her feelings better than her own words can. Would this please you?”
“Of course!” Hefona seemed startled by this loud exclamation, but she smiled when Echo repeated it to her in Wasserwyrd, and began to read from the leaves in her hands.
“We two swim out into the strait; We all, including the waves, soar With desire, our breath white and salty, Straining to retain our common arc.”
Echo furrowed her brow in concentration, and Eros noticed that she had already the beginnings of a wrinkle there, odd in one so young, but then she had started thinking early.
“Our breath as we swim together in the strait Is like to the fevered motion of the waves In that it rises ever higher and higher, Crowning us with desire encompassing its own ending.”
This rooted Eros to the spot as though he had been stunned by a blow to the head. A female singing her love to a male in the hope of earning his love in return was unthinkable in Chthonia, she ought to have expected it as a matter of course. Hefona continued:
“We two huddle in the cave’s mouth; We all, including the icicles, are made Bright and keen by what we lack, And melt when we find each other’s warmth.”
Eros looked over at Echo eagerly, but found his eyes naturally moving back to Hefona.
“The sharpness of the melting icicles Which crown the cave we shelter in Is like to the pain of desiring your embrace, In that it is a thorn growing out of absence.”
Eros found himself reaching out toward Hefona as he listening to Echo, but stopped himself. Best to wait until the poem was over…
“We two promise to return to the hillside; We all, including our ancestors, Melt to mere water and crash down From our proud arcs, into nothing. But see, sister, how you remain, Frozen on tiptoe to kiss your brother’s lips.”
As Echo translated, her voice grew lower and more intense, as if she was picking up the sense of the words, or else feeling some inspiration of her own.
“Our embrace is like to the coming of spring In that its climax reduces the intricacy of ice To the senseless, sapless rush of thaw water. Our parting is like to the coming of autumn, The aspiring green of desire giving way to red; We spiral downward in the throes of death.”
Echo rose from where she sat without fanfare and set off back toward the thicket, already unnoticed by the others and wishing Rhea could have heard her– perhaps it was time to take up the art of writing things down, to blunt the edge of their impermanence. Now all she could do was walk awy from splashing and laughter behind her as Eros and Hefona shed their clothes and swam out into the strait. Why must Echo trade for the moments she wants by living the ones she does not?What Tyrant is taxing Echo’s hapiness, and by what right?
Gojiha offered Hestia the pipe with a smile, and she inhaled deeply, holding the smoke inside much longer than any of the frail blood walkers had managed, to general acclaim from around the circle, though especially from Waswin. The sensation set in at once; her head seemed to be filling up with a great cloud of fireflies, but fireflies that burned unblinkingly and chorused raucous laughter that made her bark prickle pleasantly.
“It seems to Gojiha that our friend Hestia likes our herbs.” Hestia blinked thickly, then they made eye contact and laughed for a very long time.
“If only Beor, the friend of all of us, including Hestia, had brought also the herbs, and not only the apples. If the Willow women breathed this, they would not be so belligerent…” Seeing the others smile at the mention of Beor, she continued. “Who now living among our friends the Wa are the children of Beor?”
“Beor is the father of all of us… for he was a member of the Wa tribe.” Waswin was visibly confused.
“Hestia understands. He was so honored that all, including the children of others, see him as their father.”
“Our friend Hestia has smoked too much, she says things that have no meaning,” said Gojiha with a friendly smile. “She says ‘all fish have scales, excluding all fish but including all fish.’” This was met with a burst of laughter from the Wa, and Hestia was frightened that she was losing the warmth of mutual understanding, and she would be cold and starving again at any moment.
“Since our friends the Wa do not understand Hestia, it follows that she has chosen the wrong word. By “father,” Hestia means the one whose… words… were combined with the words of a woman to create a child. Here, let our friends look.” She took a pinch of brown earth in one hand a stretched out to scoop up some white sand with another, then mixed them together. The Wa watched in fascination, but were clearly baffled. “What color is the hair of Virgo’s mother?”
“Virgo’s mothers, including Gai and Fija, whose body Virgo used to enter this world from the other side of the water, have red hair.” Virgo’s eyes were suddenly unnaturally wide, although she had abstained when Gojiha passed the pipe around the circle.
“Then it follows that the father of our friend Virgo had yellow hair, for the word ‘yellow’ was mixed with the word ‘red’ in her blood when her mother and father went to the hillside, which is why Virgo has lovely yellow hair.” As Hestia spoke, Waswin suddenly tensed, looking over at Gojiha, whose laughter had vanished on her face.
“We all, excluding Virgo, have red hair, but Virgo is a Good Person who is like us and is our sister.” Panic was rising in her voice, as if she was searching for some escape. “Hestia is speaking to us of hillside things. It is a Bad Thing to speak about hillside things to one who is a friend and not a sister. Our friend Hestia must stop doing Bad Things, or we all will cover our ears and hum, and then turn our faces away from her.” Waswin nodded, without conviction, and Virgo was walking away from the fire, toward the pond.
“Virgo! May Echo embrace her friend Virgo?” The girl spoke with the faintly slow, slurred voice that showed that she had recently smoked more herbs than were good for her, but seeing her was a relief.
“Yes. Virgo is happy to see her friend Echo again.” They embraced for a long time, and both of them took comfort from it, though neither asked why, then they sat by the pond.
“May Echo rest her head on her friend Virgo’s shoulder?” Echo stuck her feet in the shallow water.
“Yes. Echo has smoked too much, and smoking outside of the circle is a Bad Thing. Why?” She touched Echo’s forehead gently, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
“It is of no importance… why was Echo’s friend Virgo been ostracized? Echo looked for her.” She was surprised that Echo would speak of this so directly, she ought to have been more oblique… Virgo was ostracized because she is a bad person who is happy that Echo says exactly what she is thinking.
“Virgo’s people rightly decided that she answered a question she had not been entrusted with answering.” Now is not the moment to tell her which one.
“It seems to Echo that Virgo should answer first among the Wa, for both worlds are changing. But that is not a question Echo has been asked.” She had taken hold of one of Virgo’s hands and was trying to slide it under the yellow leaves of her robe, but Virgo pulled away.
“It would be a Bad Thing for Virgo to touch Echo in a way proper to the hillside, since Echo is a daughter and Virgo is a sister.” The Chthonian sighed sharply in frustration, but let go.
“Echo is old enough to have spent many nights imagining how it would feel to be touched by the clever hands of Virgo, which turn dead wood and dumb clay into living houses full of voices.”
“Echo must begin to do hillside things at the time proper to her, not at the time proper to one who has already done them. Virgo’s people do not always speak the truth, but their consensus about this question is true.” Carefully drawing Echo to her feet, she led her over to the water, splashed some of it in her face, then cupped her hand and held it to Echo’s mouth to let her drink, which was a kind of kiss they could be permitted, and which seemed to revive her.
“Yes… Echo does not know why she is behaving in this way… Will Virgo still turn her face toward Echo when she returns to this world, and remain her friend?”
“Always. If Virgo cannot be found among the Wa, let Echo seek her in the foothills… she will be going there, with her son. Very soon.”
NAME: Jessica BIRTHDAY: September 29, 1999 GENDER: Female HEIGHT: Like 5′0 :/
CAN YOU JUGGLE: I wish ART/SPORTS/BOTH: Art DO YOU LIKE WRITING: I love it! DO YOU LIKE DANCING: Uhhhhhh depends? DO YOU LIKE SINGING: Yeah (but I sound like a dying seal)
DREAM VACATION: South Korea and Japan DREAM GUY/GIRL: Joshua ;) (seriously that boy is perfect) DREAM WEDDING: aGH idk DREAM PET: A puppy or a kitten just something soft and fluffy DREAM JOB: not sure…
GUYS/GIRLS/BOTH: Guys EYE COLOR: Brown?? idek HAIR COLOR: Doesn’t matter HUMOROUS/SERIOUS: Humorous TALLER/SHORTER: Taller for sure BIGGEST TURN OFF: Rude/judgemental BIGGEST TURN ON: Funny, nice smile/eyes, easy to talk to
FAVORITE ARTIST: EXO, Seventeen, Marianas Trench…. etc FAVORITE COLOR: Pastel colours LUCKY NUMBER: 9 AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: During school I get like 5 but summer I get 13-ish A PLACE THAT MAKES ME HAPPY: My bed LAST THING I GOOGLED: League free rotation HOW MANY BLANKETS I SLEEP UNDER: 1
I want to talk about some things: Horror movies & Bullying.
This morning while I was driving to work, the radio station that I usually listen to was talking about horror movies. Apparently, the male presenter was afraid of ghost stories so the whole segment ended up with the female presenter and the callers trying to make him watch Insidious 2. To me, though, it felt more like bullying him into it because he kept saying “No” but people just made fun of him by calling him ‘coward’ or ‘chicken’. The nicer ones gave him tips on how to get over his ‘fear’. I was very infuriated with how everyone was treating the male presenter because I am exactly like him: I hate horror movies.
Sure, during the movie you might have friends around you to help you overcome your ‘fear’. Most people would tell you to just “close your eyes” whenever the horrifying scene is about to come out. It is, indeed, easier said than done but are they even aware that one can be haunted with what he or she hears too?
You see, what most people don’t realize is that the trauma only begins once the movie ends; when your friends are gone and you’re left with yourself to combat your fear. Trust me, I’ve told myself gajillion times that “they’re not real” but did it work? Never. Sometimes it takes me a day to forget about things but most often it stays on my mind for at least a week or so until it gradually fades away. And do you know what are the things that I go through while I’m still not over it? I don’t have a good sleep aka I don’t rest well aka I get agitated easily. Did I mention that I won’t even look at the mirrors and that sometimes, I need to switch on the TV or radio just to feel like there’s somebody around me so that I can actually go to sleep?
So before you start teasing your ‘cowardly’ friend who refuses to watch horror movies with you, please think about the possible mental abuse that you’re going to inflict on them. You won’t be the one with sleepless nights and I’m pretty sure you won’t be there when your friend is going through all these hard times anyway.