this is a really poor joke but before you say anything

anonymous asked:

"crazy detention stories"...go

They’re really not that crazy I don’t think but fine- but as I had detention at least once a week for 3 years you’re only getting the highlights here:

  • So again, I only ever got detentions because I was late to school basically every day. Every single day, the office wrote me a late slip with my name spelled horrendously wrong. Different spelling every day. The most famous butchering was writing my name as “Millie Hoagie”. On my very last day of high school, I was predictably late, and they spelled my name perfectly correctly.
  • So listen my ‘reputation’ in school was basically “quiet good girl who’s never done anything wrong, ever, in her life” and “teacher’s pet” and the like. And despite the fact I was there every time all the ‘Bad Kids™’ who were also always in detention were always incredibly surprised to see me??? Like they never got over it. Every time I walked into the damn room at least half the class would be like “MOLLY YOU DON’T BELONG HERE YOU’RE INNOCENT!!” 😂
  • Also despite the fact I was basically invisible in the school as a whole all the trouble makers knew me by name because, and I quote a kid from my 10th grade Spanish class who was trying to hook up with me at the time here, “Guys like me are afraid of you, Girl, we’re just plain out scared that we gonna corrupt you!” and I still don’t know what he actually meant by that???
  • Bu anyway, this apparent rep usually gave me an upper hand with the teachers monitoring the detentions. Because, you know, some were fine, some were bitchy, some were insane. But all of them were pissed about the fact they had to be there instead of heading home.
  • The rules of detention were literally just ‘stare at the wall and don’t talk’, depending on which teacher they might let the students do homework. But since I was apparently a great person and always had the class’ incredulous response to me being in the room, they usually let me get away with sleeping or reading a book lol.
  • Of course…no one said any of the other kids were inclined to following the rules lmao. These were like, all the class clowns™ shoved into one room. Things always got real funny real fast.
  • It would always start off with the coughing game. If you’ve ever stepped into a school you should know what that is.
  • It would then escalate to everyone in the room playing catch whenever the teacher looked away for a brief moment
  • Detention was always in the health classroom so someone always tried to steal a limb off the skeleton without being to obvious
  • Some teachers would let people talk ‘quietly’ so jokes were fucking abound
  • One time I was minding my own damn business and a kid slides me a note saying ‘in like five minutes ask to go to the bathroom but head downstairs to the English wing’ before he snuck out without the teacher noticing. I get down there and he’s at one end of the hallway and another boy is at the other end. Upon seeing me, these boys run full speed down the hall at each other, leap up in the air when they get to the direct center, high five with full force, both scream in pain, and then hit the floor, clutching their hands. I was cracking the fuck up and trying to convince them to go to the nurse but they wouldn’t listen. I asked the guy why the hell they did that. He told me ‘because we wanted a witness and no one will ever believe you’ 😂😂
  • One time my sorta-neighbor Mike comes in and the teacher asked why he had detention and apparently, the principal had asked him where to find his friend Jose, and Mike responded “he’s out picking cotton” and the principal flipped out at what he perceived to be a racist joke and gave him a month detention. But the thing was, Jose was in an agriculture class and he was literally outside picking cotton that they had planted there earlier. Jose found it fucking hilarious and refused to tell the principal to get his friend out of trouble.
  • As I haven’t been inside a school building for quite some time now I don’t know if turtling is still a thing but it was…quite an epidemic for my senior class.
  • It’s when you turn someone’s backpack inside out right? But it was a full blown war with these kids. Trust no one. Never leave the room. Never look away. Holy shit. One of the best moments of this occurred in detention, when a boy reached to get a book out of his backpack to find it was gone. After 15 minutes of searching the room, he found it, turtled, hidden in a filing cabinet in the front of the room. Everyone, including the teacher, was loosing their shit, because how did someone pull that off so quietly and invisibly without someone noticing??? No one fessed up. The class was in fear of the turtle ninja for the rest of the month, but they never struck again. No one ever discovered who it was.
  • Guys: It was me.
  • One time it was raining and the teacher was in a bad mood so he insisted all the windows stay open. He left for a bathroom break or something and this one poor kid, who was now completely soaked as he was stuck with a window seat, just said “fucking bye” and just…climbed out the damn window. Left his backpack and everything. Didn’t see him again for at least a month.
  • There was one guy who always sold ice cream out of his bag when the teachers weren’t looking. Where he was getting it from and how it stayed frozen is beyond me.
  • Oh my God sometimes all the indie singer kids would just come and sit on the floor outside the classroom and talk loudly to annoy us??? The hell were they trying to accomplish??? Your singing ain’t special and you won’t be famous, please let us die in peace.
  • One kid had detention because when we were running laps in gym class he jumped up to hit the arch of the ceiling and accidentally set off the fire alarm. The teacher that day insisted on continuously referring to him as ‘the delinquent’, as if no one else in the room had broken the rules or something
  • One time one of the gym teachers was in charge of it and long story short he started doing the jersey turnpike. True horror.
  • One time the teacher got a call and she had to go down to the office and the second she was gone this one kid’s friend runs in with a huge tray going “Y’ALL I STOLE THE LASAGNE CUPCAKES FROM THE FOOD AND NUTRITION CLASSROOM” and we dined like kings.
  • Everyone would sometimes just break out in song for no God damn reason
  • One time one of the guys in charge of the detention was A) Not someone anyone recognized as a teacher and B) Potentially Stanley Tucci. Like…I was about 80% certain that this guy was Stanley Tucci.
  • He refused to confirm or deny or even give a name
  • One time I was really absorbed in my book when all the sudden a letter flew onto my desk, an anonymous sender that just said “You have a soft, sexy voice.” Neither of which is true, I’m pretty sure, and I could not for the life of me figure out who sent it omfg
  • One time a teacher was freaking out because he went to a psychic over the weekend and was told there was a lot of activity around him so I looked him straight in the eyes and told him I’m a medium and I can see that the devil had marked his soul and he threw me out of the room and refused to take that class for detention ever again😂
  • It was a hot summers day. The ceiling fans were on their highest setting. A boy nudges me, with a small carton of ice cream in his hands under his desk. “What do you think would happen if I scooped out a huge chunk of this and threw it at the fan?” he whispered. “Jamil, no.” I pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears. Soon, the room was filled with confused screams.
  • Apparently all the other regulars™ had bought me candy grams around Christmas time so they were confused when I showed up to detention with no candy and apparently the student council member sent them all to the other Molly in the grade because she was the popular one and this lead to about 12 boys grumbling for two and a half hours like “The one damn time I attempt to be a gentleman” and “I know where she lives” and “Gonna gingerbread her fucking locker” I could not stop laughing
  • Oh God okay one time the teacher we had was literally. Off the charts.
  • Like there’s the chill teachers, and then the bitchy teachers. And then this lady. She literally reminded me of Stubel
  • So I didn’t even know who she was but I walk in and do my shy smile/quiet ‘hello’ thing and take out my book so she immediately zeros in on me as ‘the good kid’ as usual
  • But she literally seemed to think every other person in this class was a hardened criminal holy shit. She was all over the place barking orders and yelling. And of course, you’ve got a room full of class clowns, like they feed off teachers like this. So the madder she got the more ridiculous they got. I was literally almost in tears trying to force myself not to laugh because I didn’t want to risk her turning on me omfg
  • So she yelled and flailed about the room and they kept going with jokes and paper wasps and lying about their names and just doing literally every thing they could possibly do so this woman wouldn’t have the chance to rest
  • This escalated with every minute and came to a resounding end when the teacher decided the Australian Kid™ was chewing gum and picked up the trashcan and shoved his face in it, screaming at him to spit it out as he yelled back “YOU’RE ONLY DOING THIS BECAUSE IM AN IMMIGRANT
  • he was in charge of all the bullshit that day and it was hysterical but he wasn’t the one chewing gum loudly that was me
  • The vp came in to see what all the yelling was about to find a teacher shoving a boy’s head in the trash, one boy shirtless as another drew tattoos on him, the phone off the line with it’s cord wrapped around a kid’s neck, two boys dueling with skeleton arms, one kid with her leg out the window, a kid tying a skeleton foot to the ceiling fan, rubber bands and paper wasps flying from every angle, three people turtling backpacks, someone brandishing an epi-pen, sexual hangman being played on the chalkboard, someone eating ice cream and fanning himself with money, and me, crying into my book with my hand literally bleeding from all my efforts to not laugh at what I was witnessing
  • We never saw her in detention again😂
  • My one younger friend got a detention for being late and was really shaken up about it and I tried to tell her she’d be fine but then she got caught sliding me chocolate animal crackers during it, and subsequently got another detention because of this; somehow I was not viewed as an equally guilty party and didn’t get in trouble
  • This one guy came in complaining “You guys all told me to get a twitter and I get thrown in twitter jail my first day!” “That’s like a thousand tweets in one day, how the fuck did you mange that?” “Bitch I had a lot to say about McDonalds!”
  • One teacher came in and was like “I don’t feel like helping with homework but does anyone wanna learn how to hack a computer?”
  • Someone got caught pouring water out the window but when the teacher looked to see why she saw the youngest of the goats™ standing under the window with it’s mouth open waiting for more
  • One time the teacher wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom and after I asked for like the 5th time he said “It can’t be that important!” so I just pulled a pad out of my backpack and silently sat it on my desk while glaring at him and this 40 year old man looked like he was about to pass out and he finally let me go
  • I remember our final detention of senior year we were told that if we skip it we can’t graduate so everyone went into that room with a ridiculously nostalgic attitude and one guy finally stole the skull off the skeleton and we fucking tossed it around the entire time while singing and blatantly ignoring the teacher’s complaining lmao
  • I know there’s more but it’s 7am and this is long so all in all like…I do not miss high school but some memories are bearable lmao
Dating Tom Holland Would Include....

  • Constantly bickering with Harrison on who Tom loves more. 
  • Always winning these fights
  • “Sorry mate, but have you seen her? She’s absolutely stunning.”
  • Having all sorts of adventures with Tom and Harrison
  • Because let’s face it, wherever Tom goes, Harrison follows.
  •  But never really minding because as long as Tom is around, so are you.
  • Tom always making sure that you’re okay. 
  • “You sure, love? Okay. I just want to make sure my girl is happy.” 
  • Him wrapping his arms around you every chance he gets.
  • Calling you every kind of cute nickname in the book because he can never just pick one.
  • “Babe, love, doll, sweetie, beautiful, gorgeous, cutie, honey,” All of them.
  • Sometimes finding himself just staring at you because he can not believe how lucky he is to have you.
  • Having to break up Tom and Harrison’s arguments on who loves you more. 
  • “Enough, you two. I swear you guys are like little kids fighting over a toy, and I am NOT a toy.” 
  • “Course you’re not, babe. But, I do love you more than Haz.” 
  • “I know you do. Why do you think I’m with you.” 
  • Tom leaving you with little notes that he placed everywhere.
  • “Hey babe, I love you!”
  • “Did you know you’re amazing?”
  • “You’re my girl, don’t ever forget.” 
  • “Call me when you find this!” 
  • “I could stare you forever.” 
  • “You’re the first and last person on my mind.” 
  • “I miss you.” 
  • Tom begging you to go with him everywhere because he just doesn’t want to leave you. 
  • “Please come with me.” 
  • “No, Tom. I have to work-”
  • “-but, I’m Spiderman. You don’t have to work.” 
  • “Did you just seriously use that line on me?”
  • “Did it work?” 
  • “Absolutely not, you dork. I love you, I do but I promise I’ll come visit. Okay?”
  • “Fine, but you better.” 
  • Always, always feeling guilty because you know that sometimes he gets a little bit of anxiety and stressed and you seem to be the only remedy. 
  • Flying out on the next flight possible.
  • And immediately all the stress and anxious thoughts are thrown out the window the minute he sees you. 
  • Him always whispering in your ear, “Thank you.” 
  • Always reassuring him that he’s earned all the success in his life.
  • Sometimes feeling a little scared that he’ll forget you with his oncoming fame. 
  • Tom reading you like a book and breaking these thoughts from your head. 
  • “You do know that I love you right? And that I wouldn’t be here without you. I’d be a wreck if I ever lost you. Don’t ever think for one second that I could make it without you.” 
  • Feeling reassured until the next time you felt scared. 
  • Tom always going above and beyond in his gifts for you on birthdays, anniversaries, and just because he want to’s. 
  • Him surprising you with a vacation to a place you’ve always wanted to visit. 
  • Following him basically anywhere and everywhere because he will literally get on his hands and knees to beg.
  • Forcing you to play basketball with him even though you know that there’s a reason why you’re not a pro basketball player. 
  • But always seeming to win.
  • Knowing that he lets you.
  • But never questioning it because it was his way of spending time with you.
  • Spending time with his family.
  • Because in a way, they’re your second family.
  • Tom’s mother commenting on how happy she is that Tom has found himself a wonderful girl.
  • His father agreeing one hundred percent and cracking jokes as to when they should expect the wedding.
  • His brothers always teasing Tom about how much you have him wrapped around your finger.
  • Blushing because you would never want him to be “whipped”, but it’s nice to know that you have that power.
  • Tom clapping back with, “At least I’ve got a girlfriend.” 
  • Laughing when they’d all get into a wrestling match.
  • “If I win, [Y/N] is mine!”
  • “No, if I win, [Y/N] mine!”
  • “Bloody Hell! You gits think you’re actually going to win? [Y/N] will always be mine, whether or not I do lose.” 
  • Going to the gym with him.
  • Getting distracted because by God those muscles should be illegal.
  • Him knowing it and teasing you about it.
  • Always getting back at him by doing anything and everything that shows of your figure.
  • Tom throwing down his weights and attacking you with kisses. 
  • Him always being respectful of your boundaries. 
  • Never pushing you to do things you don’t want to do. 
  • You loving him for it.
  • Knowing that you will eventually let him but just not right now because you’re not ready.
  • And him being perfectly okay with that.
  • Sparring with him.
  • Tom being beyond impressed at your skills.
  • Telling you everyday how much he loves you.
  • Begging him to take you to go get icecream even though he can’t really have any.
  • Scolding him when he says, “fuck it,” and gets himself some. 
  • “You’re trainer is going to be pissed.”
  • “So what.” 
  • Shaking your head and enjoying your icecream date with him.
  • Taking Tess out for walks together.
  • Taking a million pictures of her because she’s just so damn cute.
  • Lazy days with Tess
  • Cuddling the poor dog into suffocation until she can’t take it anymore and leaves.
  • Leaving you two clinging onto each other.
  • Tom leaving trails of kisses along your forehead.
  • Holding you tight.
  • Falling asleep in each other’s arms. 
  • Waking up in the middle of night, panicking because your parents are going to freak out.
  • Tom shooting out of bed to get you home.
  • Him trying to help you sneak into your house without your parents waking up.
  • Him mumbling that the two of you should just move out together.
  • Telling him that it would be a good idea but to talk about it later.
  • Tom always gushing about you in interviews.
  • Always being his plus one to the films you want to see.
  • Introducing you to your favorite actors.
  • Getting embarrassed when Robert Downey Jr. finally gets to meet you.
  • “SO, this is the girl you never shut up about? It’s about damn time I finally meet her. [Y/N], it’s so lovely to meet you. I feel like I practically know you with the amount of stuff Tom has told me about you.” 
  • Also getting a little embarrassed but not as embarrassed as when fans stop you on the streets.
  • Getting panicky because you’re just waiting for the hate.
  • But being surprised when it’s nothing but love and awe.
  • Agreeing to take pictures with them and asking to take one of them so you can put it on Instagram as well. 
  • Speaking of Instagram, Tom is forever posting sly pictures of you. 
  • You are literally all over his page.
  • But, it’s okay because he is all over yours.
  • You’ve been trending on #couplegoals for days
  • Threatening Tom with his life if he doesn’t stop posting the selfies you send him. 
  • Him not caring.
  • “I’ll take my chances, babe.”
  • Getting him back on snapchat with the crazy filters.
  • Agreeing to tone down the embarrassing pictures. 
  • But one or two always comes leaking out and you are forever mortified. 
  • Starting a prank war. 
  • You always seeming to have better pranks.
  • Feeling bad and deciding to call it off but not before Tom gets you really good. 
  • Laying out under the stars and talking about the future.
  • Telling each other that as long as you have each other, the future can bring whatever it wants.
  • Tom surprising you with a promise ring. 
  • “We’re both still really young and I know a lot of people our age are getting married but I just can’t imagine getting married at this moment. But at least with this, it’s a promise that you will have my last name, just not right now.” 
  • You accepting it because there is not a damn soul on this earth aside from Tom that you could see yourself with.
I don’t know how to title

So, this took me way longer than I thought. Oops. This is a prompt fic for @stephaniebithell 

I hope you like it. I’ve never actually written Voltron before. Or any kind of battle. So, go easy on me.


“WATCH OUT!” Keith’s voice cried out through the Blue Lion’s speakers. Checking his screens, Lance had to pull hard to the left, just barely missing the laser coming at him. The laser would have smashed into the cockpit if he hadn’t moved, and Lance let out a small huff of breath, relieved.

“That was a close call, Lance.” Shiro berated gently, “You need to be more careful, alright?”

Lance nodded before cracking a smile. “Come on, Shiro! Careful is my middle name!”

Hunk cut in, confusion evident in his voice, “I thought your middle name was Alejandro?”

Laughter echoed over the coms, and Lance pouted, whining, “Hunk, buddy! Who’s side are you on, man?”

Dodging another laser, Hunk replied, “The one where all of us get out of this alive? Does that count?” He dodged a few more lasers, firing a few shots of his own, panting slightly.

“Hunk’s got a point, guys,” Shiro reminded them. “Can the chatter, those lasers are still coming.” There was acknowledgement from all the other paladins, and Shiro sighed in relief. “Alright, here’s the plan. Lance, Hunk, you guys hang further back, try to pick them off from a distance. Stop anything that gets past us. Keith, Pidge, your lions are faster and smaller, I need you covering me. Take out the little guys. Black and I will target those turrets. Understood?” Confirmation came from the others, and everyone moved into position.

Everything went well for several minutes. Shiro had knocked out all but two of the turrets, and Lance and Hunk’s teamwork had destroyed at least a dozen big cruisers and battleships. Some of the larger ships had started to retreat, and Lance and Hunk targeted those as well. As one was coming up on Lance’s left, he saw Green, down and to his far right, with a small ion cannon pointed right at its flank. Making a split-second decision, Lance turned his lion and fired, taking out the ion cannon and saving Pidge. He started to turn back to his original position, but he was too late. Before he could react, a laser cut straight through his hull, sending poor Blue tumbling. Lance was strapped in, so he stayed in place, but as the others’ yells came over the com, a piece of debris slammed into the back of his head, and everything went black.


When Lance came to, the battle was over. Black was towing Blue down to the planet’s surface, where the castle and the planet’s inhabitants were waiting. As he came back to his senses, Lance began to hear the others.

“Lance! Kiddo, can you hear me?”

“Lance, buddy! Come on, tuagane, wake up, man!”

“Lance, you big doofus! Wake up!” (“Pidge!” “Sorry.”)

“LANCE! Lance, please! Dammit, Lance! Wake up! Talk to me!”

Finally, finally, Lance could move a little. “Ugh…. Keith?”

To Lance’s aching head, it was as though a full orchestra had exploded onto the coms.

“Alright, Lance! You’re okay!”

“You asshole! Don’t do that to me ever again, you hear me?!” (“Pidge! Language!”)

Hunk was now blubbering incoherently, Pidge was raging, and Keith was strangely silent. Just as the noise was getting to be too much, Shiro’s voice cut through the mayhem, muffling everything else like a blanket, “Lance. Are you okay? Can you answer me? You were out for a while, buddy. I need to know if you’re okay.”

Lance took several deep breaths, settling the nausea his headache was causing, before answering softly, “I-. I think I’m okay, guys. I have a killer headache, and I’m a little nauseous and light-headed, but I’m okay. Might have a concussion, though.” With that, most of his energy spent, he slumped back into his seat.

“Okay, Lance,” Shiro breathed. “Do you think you can stay awake for me for a few minutes? We’re almost back to the castle. I’m sure you’re really tired, but if you can put off sleeping for just a couple of minutes, I want Coran to check you over in person. They’ve already got a pod waiting and everything. Can you do that, kiddo?” Lance murmured an assent, and Shiro let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. “Alright, buddy. Thank you.”

Shiro looked at his monitors. The landing was coming up. “Alright, buddy, we’re right there. I’m going to put you down now, in 3 – 2 – 1.” With that, the blue lion was placed very gently on the ground next to the other three lions, which had already landed. Once Blue’s jaw opened, Hunk and Coran rushed inside, while Shiro landed Black. By the time Shiro had left the cockpit, Lance was out of his lion, and Allura was talking to the natives, Keith beside her.

Shiro went to Lance first. Looking Lance over, he glanced to Coran. “Coran, how is he? He was out for at least fifteen minutes.”

Coran smiled gently. “He’ll be just fine, number one. A few vargas in a pod and he’ll be good as new.”

“Thank you, Coran. Hunk, will you help him?”

“You don’t even have to ask.” With a small smile, Hunk pulled one of Lance’s arms over his shoulder and started moving towards the castle. Coran followed.

Now that he knew Lance was safe, Shiro could deal with the natives. Or, more accurately, deal with Keith, who looked to be one wrong word away from pulling out his bayard. As Shiro came closer to the group, he started to hear some of the conversation.

“-yes, you’ve said that the boy’s role is to be the blue paladin, but what else does he even do? What does he contribute? From what I saw, all he did was hang back for most of the fight, and make jokes for the rest of it!” Ah. Now he was starting to understand Keith’s murderous expression. Not to mention the low, continuous growl coming from Blue.

Allura cut him off. “It is not your place to question not just my choice of paladins, but the choices of the lions themselves. The blue lion chose Lance, and as such-“

“Princess Allura, I meant no disrespect, to you or the lions. I was simply concerned. Voltron is the universe’s only real hope of stopping the Galran Empire, and if its members are not efficient, perhaps-“

Shiro cut in, mouth a hard line, shoulders tense, as he stopped Keith from doing anything rash. “If you know about the joking, then you were listening to the coms. If you were paying attention, you would have noticed that I gave the order for the blue and yellow lions to hang back. Those two lions are larger, and therefore slower, but their weapons are strong. In this situation, they were much better suited for stopping the larger ships, and picking off stragglers. Lance especially works best at a distance. He’s the best shooter we have. Long-distance is his forte. Those assignments were the most efficient use of our resources.” The native was about to interrupt again, and Shiro bit out “On top of all of that, Lance was injured defending your planet. You would do well to remember that, and to show him the respect he deserves.”

When he was done, Shiro turned to Keith. Keith was still seething. “Shiro, did you hear what he was saying about Lance?”

“I heard him, Keith.”

“Lance could have died, Shiro! And that guy was treating him like a waste of space. Space garbage!”

“I know that, Keith.” Shiro’s voice was strained. He was angry, too, but there was nothing they could do.

“I’m gonna go back over there and teach that guy a lesson-“ Keith started to turn back around, bayard in hand, but was spun around by Shiro’s hand on his shoulder.

“You can’t attack the guy, Keith. He’s a diplomat. Let Allura handle it.”

“Can’t I just punch him in the face?” Keith pleaded.

“NO, Keith.”

“What if I just break his nose a little?”

“I said, NO, Keith.” Shiro spun to face him. “We can’t do anything. Allura can handle it. Now let’s go back to the castle. Lance will be healed in a few hours. I saw how anxious you were. I know you want to see him. And when he wakes up, I’m sure he’ll want to see you, too.” With that, Keith relaxed, sighing in defeat, and went on to the castle.

Shiro stood there for a moment, composing himself, before moving in the same direction. Before he got there, he heard one last parting shot. “You know,” the native drawled, excessively loud, “if the so-called blue paladin were a better pilot, he wouldn’t have been hurt in the first place-“

CRUNCH. Before anyone could move, Shiro snapped. He had rushed back, pulled back a fist, and slammed it straight into the obnoxious native’s nose. Without a word, Shiro wiped the blood off his hand onto the man’s shirt, and walked straight back into the castle. The look on that jerk’s face was definitely worth the difficulty Allura had negotiating an alliance several days later, and when Lance woke up, his laughter over the story gave Keith the brightest smile Shiro had seen on his face in years.


If you guys want me to write what happened in between when Lance was unconscious, let me know.

Ink and Kisses

Anon said to moi:

“Omg i want a tattoo artist jungkook!!!!!! 😭😩 smut/fluff/and honestly anything!!!! I just love tattoos artists jungkook but there aren’t alot of those fanfic…. can u help a poor girl out ??💖”

FIRst time trying a Tattoo artist AU. I had to do some reading before this, and JK is sO sexy i s2g. Still weird that I don’t really ever feel like doing the do with him. HOPE YOU ENJOY <3 1,400 Words

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Tattooist au!

Part 1 | Part 2 (FINAL)

Originally posted by nnochu

No one would have ever imagined that hardcore badass Jeon Jungkook, the most well-known tattoo artist in the town, the guy who dropped out to follow his passion, was best friends with beautiful, sweet, top-scoring university student, Y/N. 

Physically, they seemed to be polar opposites. He had dragons inked onto his skin, three piercings on his left ear and two on his right, and always wore black; whilst you were a bright, clean slate – but you knew that was what he loved about you.

Keep reading

Give Me Polyamorous Power Couple Hamliza Or Give Me Death

~Eliza growing up having constant crushes on both men and women and trying to articulate what she wanted to Angelica but never being able to explain it the way she wanted

~When she’s in a relationship: “I want her” “But you’re dating Peter” “I want him too” “But you have to choose” “Why do I have to choose?” When she’s not in a relationship: “Ooh, Liza’s got a crush! Spill it!” “Well, there’s Arthur and his girlfriend, and Sally and her girlfriend, and Jason, and Mary…” “Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, how many crushes can you have?” “Shush, I’m not done”

~When she meets Alexander and quickly falls into her most serious relationship ever she expects the multiple crush thing to stop (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t)

~Eliza feels like a horrible girlfriend because she’s so happy with Alex but then Susan from work will start up a conversation with her in the break room and she’s instantly all heart eyes

~Tearfully she admits it to Alex one night and he’s thrilled because “no there’s nothing wrong with you I promise!!!! You’re just polyamorous!!!!”

~They spend the rest of the night talking about it

~Eliza needs some time to adjust since she’s spent so much time trying to push it aside that she doesn’t really know what else to do but Alex is very helpful

~The first time she tells him about Susan he’s instantly chanting ask her out over and over until she’s laughing and blushing at his antics

~Half a year later and Eliza is subtly sending Alex updates from her dates while he sends her multiple thumbs up emojis and does the same with his own

~She also sets up him and Angelica and when Angelica gets confused about it she’s like you need to stop sacrificing yourself, let yourself be happy

~They share embarrassing stories about him with each other

~He meets John and them after Eliza in this one and it’s all separately

~Hercules comes first because Eliza’s father invited them to a fancy dinner party and Alex needs a suit and since he’s not well educated on these things yet she comes along to help

~Hercules is instantly smitten with Alex and Alex is instantly 😍 because “Eliza look at him!!! He looks like a damn quarterback but he’s so sweet and gentle!!!!” “Either you ask him out or I will”

~Hercules not-so-subtly likes guiding Alex around even though he thinks he’s being smooth

~“Alex there was really no point for him to put his hands on your waist like that, he could’ve told you to just move to the side one step” “… Yeah but did you see how well they fit there he could probably lift me up so easily” “Wow you’re so easy” “Do I need to bring up that cute barista the other day” “pLEASE DO WE HAVE A DATE THIS WEEKEND”

~By the end of the time there Alex is going out to lunch with a pleased but confused Hercules and Eliza is eagerly awaiting every cute picture and text

~From then on he has to deal with both Eliza and Alex stealing his clothes but he can’t really fight since they both look so cute in his sweaters

~The rest come really quickly after that

~Lafayette meets Hercules before the others because they come in requesting a special dress to be made and Hercules is Gone

~“You… You want a dress with a full skirt… But when you pick at a stitch on it the dress falls down into a ball gown?” “Yes, exactly!” “Can I ask why?” “Why? Well, chéri, it’s because I must ensure that I always am prepared for any eventuality and at the top of that list is a need to always look beautiful but entirely unattainable. Oh, that reminds me! It needs to be floor length with my being in eight-inch heels, I have a pair with me so you can measure accurately” “Oh holy shit”

~It takes them exactly one weekend to be brought into the relationship (Alex sees them and instantly is stunned into silence, Eliza flirts and within two minutes they’re already co-conspirators)

~John is next and he struggles with his sexuality and anything that comes from it so he’s very much in the closet when they meet

~John and Alex immediately are best friends and Alex tries asking him out but John very quickly refuses him and Alex takes a step back

~The combined power of the four of them helps to bring John out of his shell even though he’s very shy about it all so they’re respectful and let him suggest everything and move their relationship forward in his own time

~The first time he asks to spend the night with all of them there’s a little fight over who gets to sleep next to him

~Eliza and Hercules win, Lafayette and Alex pout

~Aaron and Theodosia Burr AKA Theo, Eliza, and Lafayette kill and the rest of them are literally powerless against them

~Dates are really fun with them because now there’s enough people to go on group dates and everyone can have a supposed other instead of it being just the mess of them (They still do it as the whole of them, its just more fun to have the people think they’re all separate couples then watch as they get more affectionate as the night goes on)

~Don’t think I’ve forgotten about the Washingtons

~George favors Alex and Laf, Martha favors Eliza, Angelica, and Theo, George is platonic with John, Hercules, Aaron, and the girls, Martha is platonic with everyone but her girls and sometimes Alex and Lafayette (She likes showing off that she’s perfectly capable of stealing them away from him but is graciously letting them stay with him. George jokes back and tries to rally Laf and Alex to joke too but they need time to come back to that plane of existence)

~WEEKEND TRIPS AT MOUNT VERNON WITH EVERYONE

~Eliza and Alex get so many kisses and cuddles since they’re the heart of it all

~Alex dragging everyone outside to look at the stars

~Lots of hot chocolate when Alex drags them outside

~Lots of spiked hot chocolate when they think Martha isn’t looking

~She totally knows since John keeps giggling but she let’s them have fun

~THOMAS JEFFERSON

~Eliza starts flirting with him to bug Alex

~Eventually she starts flirting with him for Alex no matter what he says

~“Look at the tension good god” “Betsey I swear…”

~Eliza has a near constant stream of frustrated texts from George

~“Eliza I’m suffering” “What is it this time, dear?” “They’re arguing again and they look two seconds away from making out” “I’m working on it. Have patience” “I can’t have patience anymore I can’t have meetings because this happens in every one”

~All the hate sex

~All the Jeffmads+Alex hate sex (I would include Aaron but the frustrations are over Washington but Aaron knows why Alex is favored by him and has worked out his own balance with George so he’s not jealous)

~Alex pulls them into the dynamic and they finally understand

~George doesn’t mind them finding out, he’s just glad the tension is gone (Though he has cut more than a few work days short because he walked in on them fucking on his desk because Alex wanted to tease him and he can’t handle that so he just walks out)

~There’s multiple incidents where they try to tease Angelica but she is Not Having It and takes great joy in showing them why

~Angelica Schuyler is my queen she wouldn’t handle any bullshit from them

~MARIA REYNOLDS PROTECTION SQUAD

~Elizabeth “If you touch one hair on my girl’s head I will personally kick your ass from here to California don’t test me” Schuyler

~Obviously she moves in with them immediately and spends every night sleeping between Alex and Eliza

~When things become too much in the city Eliza and her take a trip down to Mount Vernon for a girls-only retreat

~Maria and John never start a romantic relationship but they hit it off very quickly since they’re both abuse survivors (Her with James, him with his father) and John is more healed than she is but there’s wounds he’s still licking and sometimes its nice to just spend the day in silence with someone who understands that company is more important than conversation

~Eliza and Alex creating a crazy huge family for themselves which has confusing interconnecting romantic and platonic relationships but they love it so much they can’t describe it

~Whenever anyone asks about it Alex shows them the graph he’s made for them all

~Everyone has a specific color and one poor soul asks why he chose those colors and spends the next 45 minutes listening to him talking about why each of his signifs was given that very color choice

anonymous asked:

I think the most important question of all time is if Derek prefers belly rubs, or is he the kind of 'clingy when cuddling' boyfriend so he just lays on top of Stiles and lets him rub his back (and sometimes his butt) ? My personal headcanon is that werewolves can get sort of stoned from their mate's scent and Derek once a month likes to climb into Stiles' lap and melt into his arms surrounded by his boyfriend's scent. Bonus pie points if Derek steals Stiles' shirts to wear when he's napping

You have no idea how much I just screamed over this ask. This is being filed under “favourites”, for sure. 

I think Derek is the type of guy who really, really likes cuddles and anything that involves getting to touch Stiles, but pretends he’s completely indifferent to it/does it only to “shut Stiles up”. Which, you know, is complete lies. The first time Stiles sleeps next to Derek in a bed, it’s painfully obvious Derek wants to cuddle but he just doesn’t know how to go about asking. Poor, awkward lamb. Stiles nearly makes a joke at Derek’s expense about how obvious it is because, well, but he refrains at the last minute upon seeing Derek’s face - Derek doesn’t just look nervous, he looks scared, like he might be rejected - and shaking his head (because this adorable asshole) Stiles shifts closer and hastily mumbles something about not having his pillow, “so you’ll have to do, big guy”.

Before they get together, it takes a while for Derek to get used to being tactile with Stiles. Derek is fine touching other people - he has the control that way - but he’s still not good with people touching him. Unfortunately, that’s not a great combination when you are a touch starved werewolf with trust issues, because it pretty much means the only kind of physical contact Derek ever receives is either in life or death situations or during (not so fun and friendly) pack training sessions. Not ideal. Of course, after a while, Stiles clocks this. 

Stiles has known about Derek’s touch issues since he first met him, but it’s better now (he thinks). So he tries small things: sitting next to Derek during pack movie nights and pressing his leg against his; letting himself fall asleep on Derek’s shoulder (desperately trying not to read too much into it when Derek doesn’t move away); and, a few times, hugging Derek goodbye and lingering longer than he should each time he does it. 

After a while, Derek starts touching Stiles back. One day, he just crawls through Stiles’ window and sits by Stiles’ bed until Stiles - very tired and not thinking things through too much - puts a hand on Derek’s shoulder and tells him in no uncertain terms “ to get up here for some Stilinski spooning time”. Derek grumbles at that but he’s in Stiles’ bed exactly twenty seconds later, which gives Stiles major pause for thought. 

Major.

And listen, this is how it goes on. They aren’t even together but Derek touching Stiles and being touched by him soon becomes A Thing. For both of them. A very important thing. The life of Derek Hale suddenly becomes about three things: the pack, Cora, and Stiles. 

Sometimes, Stiles sleeps over at the loft. Not for any reason other than the fact Stiles does a lot of late night research there, but after a while it kind of becomes apparent Stiles is there for “research times” and what he has come to call “Derek’s personal pillow times”. Derek’s person pillow times often involve Derek shyly (but somehow still grumpily) crawling into Stiles’ lap and (not so subtly) scenting him. Stiles asked about the scenting thing once and Derek stopped for three weeks, entirely embarrassed - Derek had looked so upset and torn about the whole thing (aka, he looked like a hurt five year old) that eventually Stiles had just marched into the loft, stuck Batman on, and told Derek to get his “fluffy butt in here. I mean it Derek, my neck is lonely now. Don’t leave a bro in need like this, it’s accustomed to your snout!” Stiles expected Derek to either throw him out or snark at him for that but instead, Derek shuffled - actually shuffled - into the room (still appearing out of nowhere, the creepy show off), holding himself rather tight, before crawling into Stiles’ lap and staying there for exactly 2.5 Batman movies, face buried in Stiles’ neck. (Stiles does not grin manically when he feels Derek’s whole body sag against him, like he hasn’t been able to settle without him.) 

During Stiles’ second year of college, they have their first kiss. Well, if a first kiss can be called a first kiss when the dude you are hard core crushing on puts a finger to your lips half way through your perfectly valid rant about why Princess Leia is The Best, stares into your eyes for a solid three minutes (and somehow makes it both awkward and the best fucking thing you have ever experienced when looking at someone), before placing a very soft and intimate kiss to your neck. Stiles has no idea what it even means until he eventually plucks up the courage to ask Cora who instantly threatens him with bodily harm if Stiles hurts her brother. (”So, uh, the neck thing was…..?” “My brother’s traditional, dorky way of telling you he loves you. Duh. Jesus Stiles, and you call yourself our Emissary?”)

From then on out, Derek’s attachment to touching Stiles just becomes more intense. In front of people and the pack he’ll settle for holding hands or being next to Stiles, but in private he becomes like a lazy cat. He gets very pouty when he wakes up and finds Stiles not in bed for morning cuddles; he loves being able to wash Stiles’ hair; back rubs and head rubs are his favourite, especially when he’s reading or they are watching movies (Derek’s introducing all the classics to Stiles, like Rebecca and The Breakfast Club; “no, Spider-man doesn’t count as a classic, Stiles” “says who?” “says me if you still want a blow job later” ). Mostly though, he just loves being in his old position of sitting in Stiles’ lap and burying his face in Stiles’ neck. 

Sometimes Stiles will talk about his day while Derek does this and it works for both of them because Derek is surrounded by Stiles’ scent, his voice, his whole being; and that calms him, settles him in a way he hasn’t been since before the fire. And in turn, having someone to listen to him - really, truly listen - while he’s talking, brings Stiles a kind of happiness he’s never experienced before. Sure, people hear him. They talk to him and hold conversations. But sooner or later Stiles always sees their eyes wander, sees the start of a yawn or is outright told to shut up. 

Stiles knows his attention isn’t anything to write home about but there is a difference between being unable to hold someone’s attention and someone just not wanting to hold your attention, specifically. Of course, Derek still tells Stiles to shut up, that’s never a thing that stopped between them, but now it usually ends in heated make out sessions or sex, so, Stiles really has no complaints. But in moments like these, with Derek in his lap, Derek just listens. He can sit for hours and never tires of Stiles. If Stiles is happy, he smiles into his neck, makes these little happy sounds; if he’s sad, he’ll kiss his neck, and murmur quiet things; angry, he’ll hold him tighter and let him vent, for as long as he likes. 

Some couples have hobbies, have things, but this is their ritual. Just this. Every other day, just having this quiet moment of peace and happiness. A bubble no one can penetrate. It’s a visible anchor, the place they always come back to. It’s a place they both need; the place Stiles needs when he’s feeling insecure and the place Derek needs when he’s feeling lonely. Nothing can touch them in it, no high is better. Especially to Derek who really can feel a little drunk off of Stiles’ scent, sometimes. It’s a kind of closeness both of them have always craved but never really gotten. It’s Derek’s way of saying I love you when he finds it difficult to say it. It’s Stiles’ way of knowing I’m needed when he doubts it. 

It’s just them, and even though it sometimes freaks Stiles out - the stillness, the fact he can be this still, for hours - it serves as a precious reminder that after all the chaos, after all the loss and heart break, that they found this: they found a small and quiet, beautiful thing. And they found it in each other, which is both the most baffling and the least surprising thing of all. 

i like you (this is a problem)

“Here’s the thing-” Lily said, marching into the pub and pulling out a stool.


“We’re closed.” James interrupted without looking up from wiping down the bar.

“I want a dog.” Lily barrelled on without hearing him. “But my landlord doesn’t allow pets so I was wondering-“

“I’m not getting a fucking dog for you.” James said firmly.

Lily blinked at him. “I was going to ask if you thought it was morally wrong to raise it in my air-vent.” There was a silence. James was caught between hoping she wasn’t serious and knowing that she was. “Your idea seems better.” Lily admitted.

“Really. Talk me through that, is it because there is no animal abuse involved?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of then you’d have to clean up the poo, but the no animal abuse is also good.”


“Y’know” Sirius was lying on top of the bar, waving around a beer and staring at the ceiling. Nobody looked up. “I always thought once we owned a bar we would spend a solid 60% percent of our time drunk, and that hasn’t happened.” 

Remus, still wiping down tables, said “I shudder to think what you’d be like on your own.”

“Since we bought the bar we spend more time drunk than we used to?” Peter consoled, baffled.

Sirius sat up. “I would say we spent about 15% percent of our time drunk before the bar, and after the bar we spend about 25%. That is an increase of only ten percent.”

“Where are you pulling these numbers from?” Lily asked while holding the ladder for James, who was avoiding the dishwasher by pretending to fix the squeaky window.

“On top of being an excellent barman I double as a statistician.”

“You are neither of those things.” Remus said. Sirius glared.

“Fuck you Moony. At school you were always saying I didn’t do enough math, and here I am, doing math, and you’re abusing me.”

Remus threw a dishtowel at him and gestured to the kitchen. “Go unstack the dishwasher.”

“Fantastic.” Sirius said, throwing his hands in the air. “This is what I get for my brief foray into math. Insulted and unloading dishes.” He jumped off the bar and mockingly gave Remus’ back the finger. James laughed.


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` ° * ✧ ° RANDOM SENTENCE STARTERS.

❛ Have you been playing with matches again? ❜
❛ Do have anymore of that one stuff? ❜
❛ So, where do we go from here? ❜
❛ What the hell is that thing? ❜
❛ You know, you aren’t supposed to be doing that. ❜
❛ I almost forgot you only come around when you need me. ❜
❛ Oh, yeah, you played me good, didn’t you? ❜
❛ I’m not joking with you this time. ❜
❛ Do you ever think about having kids? ❜
❛ I didn’t mean to punch you that hard. ❜
❛ Nice shiner there, buddy. ❜
❛ Great way to start the day. ❜
❛ I just want peace and quiet. ❜
❛ Please, just go away already, ugh. ❜
❛ I’m not giving you any money! ❜
❛ You don’t own me. ❜
❛ Tell me what to do or what to say. ❜
❛ I love my freedom. ❜
❛ Shut up before I break your arm. ❜
❛ Now, that looks like a grand adventure. ❜
❛ I’m taking you home, come on. ❜
❛ Jesus, are you really that drunk? ❜
❛ What did you take? How many you’d take? ❜
❛ That’s not an orange. It’s a lemon. ❜
❛ The wait is almost over. ❜
❛ So, when are we going to finally meet? ❜
❛ I would like to see you in person. ❜
❛ Are you online dating again? ❜
❛ I’m not sad, I’m just tired. ❜
❛ I want to take a nap so bad. ❜
❛ I thought we could just nap together. ❜
❛ Life can be messy. ❜
❛ I wish life could be mess free. ❜
❛ Are you high or just stupid? ❜
❛ You can be anything you set your mind to. ❜
❛ We are not going to be like them. ❜
❛ I just wanted to fit in, I don’t know. ❜
❛ Are you going to that party tonight? ❜
❛ I thought we’d be together forever. ❜
❛ I really liked you. My fault. ❜
❛ We don’t like surprises. ❜
❛ Please save the lecture for someone who gives a shit. ❜
❛ What the hell did you do? ❜
❛ Well, you poor thing. ❜
❛ I’m just saying, murder is an option. ❜
❛ We can always kill them, yeah? ❜
❛ What’s all this glitter for anyway? ❜
❛ Damn, you look like shit. Smell like it too. ❜
❛ It’s not too dark and not too light. ❜
❛ I wanted to know what you liked so I stalked you. ❜
❛ I didn’t stalk anyone for the last time already. ❜
❛ I’m not sorry and I have no regrets. ❜
❛ You are so fucked, you know that? ❜
❛ Hey, you stole that from me! Give it back! ❜
❛ Screw you. ❜
❛ Just fuck off already. ❜
❛ You look like a Simpson. ❜
❛ I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. ❜
❛ I’m not mean, I’m just honest. ❜
❛ I will stab you with my fingernail, try me. ❜
❛ Your wish is my command. ❜
❛ I would love to see you suffer. ❜
❛ I’m not in, no way. This is bad. ❜
❛ I don’t want to break any rules. ❜
❛ Fine then. Don’t call and don’t text me anymore. ❜
❛ I’m not mad at you, don’t worry. ❜
❛ Do not ever question my parenthood again. ❜
❛ I don’t have time for this. ❜
❛ Death is all around us. ❜
❛ You’re just like the girl from gone girl. ❜
❛ You left, not me. ❜
❛ I’m not the one that’s always leaving. ❜
❛ I can’t believe this is truly happening. ❜
❛ I was wondering, if you wanted to look at the stars with me? ❜
❛ I always wanted to go on a date. ❜
❛ I knew you were trouble when you walked in. ❜
❛ I had a feeling. ❜
❛ Wait, do you feel that? That vibe right now? ❜
❛ Where could the gem be? ❜
❛ Do I look like someone you should mess with? ❜
❛ It stinks it this place. Can’t believe you call it home. ❜
❛ Wow, this is your house? ❜
❛ I can’t believe you didn’t think to ask me first. ❜
❛ You have a lot to learn. ❜
❛ What do you take me for? ❜
❛ What do I have to do to get it from you? ❜
❛ Will you ever stop asking me that? ❜
❛ This place never ceases to amaze me. ❜
College AU Part 1

written by @krispetrimberly @luraelis @wondergays @wayhauhgt @catyz101 @penvision

-The rangers all enroll in university together the fall after they graduate high school

-Jason majors in marine biology

-He used to go on fishing trips with his dad and was fascinated by the different species of fish

-Billy majors in mechanical engineering

-Zack majors in archeology

-The group finds this ironic since he was the one to completely destroy the glass wall

-Kim majors in kinesiology

-Trini majors in art and minors in women’s studies

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youtube

William Shakespeare- the Bard of Avon, Legendary Wordsmith, was, in all probability, super queer. We’re going to look at the evidence, read some lovely poems, read some raunchy poems, and generally just talk Shakespeare.

Closed Captioning Available 

Transcript below

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Among The Beasts: Cursed

Reader x Kol Mikaelson

(NOT MY GIF)

*requested

warnings: smut, violence, swearing. that’s pretty much it. also, it may contain some physical descriptions that might not fit yours. :)

Imagine: Five years has passed; now it’s time to face yours biggest fears and try to save the people you love.

Word Count: 3217


Y/N, in the past five years, had learnt a few tricks on sneaking out of her house to meet up with Kol Mikaelson, her best friend and, as it was bound to happen, caring boyfriend too. It had to be a hidden relationship, though, for his parents could never know she still remained so close to him.

A couple of months ago, his mother, Esther, decided to forbid their friendship. According to the brown haired boy, she said it was way too dangerous to be close to such a wicked family as the Hales; he could get hurt and the great matriarch could not bear losing another child. Although Henrik’s death was not your fault, it was horrible to be accused like that.

Taking a deep breath, Y/N decided to shake those thoughts out of her head. They brought up a dark side of her: it got her wishing to make the blonde woman pay for all of that; through torture or maybe even put an end to her life. Again, this was the vicious wolf speaking; craving revenge. Urgh.

“Kol?” Y/N/N queried, in a whisper. “Are you in here?”

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Wait, what?

(based on this) (look, there’s a part two)


Yuuri barely has time to grab his jacket when he runs out the door, much less brush his hair or find a hat. Unfortunately, he’s sure that that means that his hair is an absolute mess. It’s been getting long again, but in between classes and helping Yura out with his routine on the weekends, he hasn’t had much time for things like haircuts. Besides, Victor doesn’t seem to mind it, and Yura likes to experiment hairstyles on Yuuri “so that if it looks stupid, I don’t have to see it on myself.”

It’s not that big a deal, except on days like this, when he sleeps in (thanks a lot Vitya) and doesn’t have the time to really get it under control. He usually meets up with his friends before class, and he doesn’t doubt that they’ll notice, and probably tease him about it.

They notice.

“Yuuri!” Estephania gasps, sounding too scandalized for her words to be anything but teasing. “What on earth happened to your hair?”

Yuuri flushes. “I was running late,” he mumbles.

Richard snorts. “You sure? Because that looks more like sex hair to me, man.”

“Ooh, he’s right,” Estephania coos before Yuuri can protest.

He wonders if it’s possible to die of embarrassment (especially since they’re not entirely wrong). “No, really I–”

“We know, sweetie.” She reaches up and moves his hair around a bit, trying to make it look presentable. “You’re just too easy to tease.”

“You sure you’re really twenty seven?” Richard raises an eyebrow.

Yuuri just smiles at the ground in fond humiliation (apparently it’s not a common emotion, but it’s a little hard not to be used to the feeling when he’s married to the world’s biggest drama queen) and nods. “I am.”

His friends are too much sometimes, he admits. Richard is the embodiment of America in a lot of ways: loud, completely lacking a sense of social norms, a walking personification of testosterone. Estephania is less… everything… than Richard, but she’s very touchy and affectionate in an entirely platonic way that reminds Yuuri a lot of Christophe, only without all of the innuendo. But they’re both loyal down to their very core, and they’re not bad people.

His phone starts ringing, Stammi Vicino playing loudly. Yuuri picks up, keeping his phone away from Estephania’s hands. “Да, Vitya?”

“Dude! You speak Russian too?” Richard looks like Yuuri just smacked him in the face. The school year just started, so they’re all still learning about each other.

Yuuri just smiles, since Victor is in the middle of one of his usual mid-morning crises. “Vitya, calm down,” he says in Russian. “Makkachin is probably out with Yura. You know he takes her for walks sometimes. Have you seen him today?”

He manages to get Victor off the phone just before class starts, flipping his phone to airplane mode since he’s sure that this isn’t the last he’ll be hearing from his lovable trainwreck of a husband.



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Of Hidden Talents (Feysand Fluff)

So this just popped into my head last night when I couldn’t sleep. Set post-ACOWAR and contains nothing but fluff.

“You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?” Feyre found herself commenting, smiling slightly as she tried not to groan in pleasure under Rhys’ hands.

He chuckled from where he was seated behind her, the sound sending a thrill through her spine, even decades into their relationship. “I should hope so; I have to keep my High Lady entertained somehow. Wouldn’t want her eternity to get boring.”

“Boring? How could I ever get bored with a mate who thinks so much of himself?” She shot back, though its effect was lost when she leaned further into him, her hands running over the legs that were on either side of her. She could feel the delicious heat of his bare chest so close behind her, the thin nightdress she was wearing a poor barrier between them. 

Rhys’ fingers continued to comb through her hair, expertly separating it into three equal parts. “I take offense to that.”

Feyre let out an aborted snort. “No, you don’t.” 

“No, I don’t,” Rhys agreed, in a blithe voice.

They fell into a comfortable silence then, built on years of learning how to just be together. Neither of them felt the need to always fill the air between them with pointless chatter. Oh, they liked to joke and bicker… but they also knew when to let words fade away and just enjoy each other’s company.

It had been happening more of late, likely because Rhys had refused to leave Feyre’s side for the past few months. He was a constant presence at her side, though he did his best not to hover too much (he knew all too well how she loathed feeling locked in, how it still made her bones lock up in fear, even after all this time). He needn’t have worried; Feyre never, never felt tied down by her mate, never felt confined by him. She knew that even now, when he was so concerned about her, he would give her space if she asked.

(He’d once told her, in a fit of hopeless romanticism, that he would give her the very stars above Velaris if he could. Feyre had believed him, of course, if only because she said she would do the same for him.)

So Feyre was quiet, letting Rhys gently braid her hair as if he’d done it hundreds of times before. She’d been utterly surprised when he’d offered to do it for her earlier, after he’d heard her curse in front of the mirror while she struggled with trying to tame her wild locks into something more manageable. Feyre was so tired these days and sore too, the heavier she got. And she was constantly hot then cold, her hair always in the way and, Cauldron, she didn’t care for it much now and all the work it took to keep it neat, not when she was already so uncomfortable. She’d been beyond tempted to just chop it all off, had Rhys not stepped in when he did with his innocuous offer.

At first she tried to deny the existence of a problem but she really couldn’t hide anything from Rhys; he knew her too well, felt her struggles through their mating bond and tried to ease her discomfort as much as he could. (Rightly so, Feyre sometimes thought when she particularly annoyed with how limited she was lately, considering he’s the one that put me into this situation in the first place.) 

So here they were, Rhys’s gentle hands working wonders on Feyre’s nerves, his fingers softly tugging at her hair as he built the braid into something spectacular; Feyre herself was usually no slouch when it came her hair (at least when she wasn’t so cranky), but she had the feeling that Rhys was even better. So many hidden talents, this mate of mine.

“Where’d you learn to do this?” she finally asked, curiosity getting the better of her. She’d felt his hesitancy when he first offered, that pang of grief that he’d been unable to conceal from her.

“My sister,” Rhys said after a long pause. His voice had lost that light-hearted edge from earlier, filled instead with wistful regret. “She’d come to me when our mother was too busy for it. She could have asked the servants, of course… but she liked to spend a few moments with me, I think. She continued to ask even long after she could do it by herself. I never had the heart to say no.” 

Feyre’s own heart ached for her mate, for the family he’d lost so long ago. He rarely spoke of the little sister she’d never meet, even less so than his mother. From what she’d gleaned over the years, his sister had been quite a bit younger than him, had looked up to him in a way no one else ever had. Feyre couldn’t even imagine what it had been like for him to have to bury her broken body.

She rubbed her thumbs comfortingly over the sides of his knees. I’m sorry, she sent softly to him through their bond. I’m sorry

Rhys’ mind caressed hers. Me too.

Feyre kept running her hands soothingly over him, tempted to turn around and pull him to her, wrap her arms around those broad shoulders of his. She didn’t though; the act of braiding seemed to calm him… like coming home to something he’d thought he’d long forgotten. (Still, she wished she could protect him from all the pain he endured… but that same pain had made him into the wonderful male he was today.) 

When he was finally done, she saw his finished work briefly through his eyes, the image flashing through her mind.

“It’s beautiful,” Feyre said with a smile, reaching up to run her fingers over the intricate pattern he’d managed to weave her hair into. “Thank you.”

Rhys’ strong arms around wrapped around her body, finally pulling her back to rest against his chest. “I figured it was about time I got some practice,” he whispered in her ear as he moved one hand to cover her rounded belly. “I wouldn’t want our poor daughter to be left with an inept father.”

Feyre tangled her fingers with Rhys’, holding them over her stomach, where their unborn baby was slowly growing. “You could never be an inept father, Rhys,” she told him softly. Rhys only pressed kiss under her jaw in response, though she could feel his quiet gratitude for her faith in him. “Besides, how do you know it’ll be a girl?” Feyre continued, turning her head so she could arch an eyebrow at him.

Mischief lit his violet eyes. “Perhaps I asked Elain.”

Feyre leveled a look at him. “Elain would never tell you, even if she knew.” Her sister had become quite the responsible seer over the years, never revealing more than was necessary. (Well, that and Feyre had wanted it to be a surprise, telling Elain in no uncertain terms not to let Rhys charm the answer out of her.)

“Then let’s call it a father’s intuition,” Rhys replied now, unable to stop his grin.

Feyre laughed, leaning her head against the edge of his jaw. “She’s going to have you wrapped around her little finger, isn’t she?” 

“Of course,” he kissed her forehead, his happiness a near tangible thing. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Feyre could only cuddle in closer. She looked at where their joined hands were resting on her belly. Don’t worry, baby, she thought, we love you already, no what you turn out to be.

(A few years later, when their daughter runs up to Feyre, her hair braided in a crown around her head, little flowers carefully tucked in the midnight blue strands, she doesn’t need to ask who did it. Rhys’ proud smile is answer enough.)

coffee in the morning ;

“I could do that,” he states a minute later, and he nods his heads a few times as if it’s some sort of confirmation as he mulls it over, and you look at him like you’re confused.

“Do what?” You question, and he blinks at you.

“Be your boyfriend,” he says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and it makes your heart beat a bit faster.

“You mean fake boyfriend.”

or

Harry and Y/N work at a coffee shop and he’s never been a good actor

12k+, fluff, smut, ripping of panties mid-fuck, and just a dash of angst

OKAAAY SO, i’ve been dead around here because i’ve been working on this for a few days now! special shoutout to @mermaidsonships for letting me yell about apple (that’s what we named the girlie in this amongst our texts) and harry as well as bounce ideas off of u! i love u sister! i’ve got a fixation of fake bf harry + harry being rly teasing so if u combine those 2 things u get this big mess of a thing! i hope u enjoy!

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Closer

Author: Mikala

Characters: Loki Laufeyson x Reader

Word Count: 3,350

Warnings: Smut. Unprotected sex (please use protection, kiddos). Swearing. I think that’s it. 

Author’s Note: This is my first time writing Loki so I hope it’s good! Let me know what you think!

“Good evening, Loki,” you greeted, taking your usual seat on one of the couches in the living room. You were received with silence, just like you had been every day for the past three weeks. Huffing softly but indignantly, you tucked your legs beneath you, curling up against the arm of the otherwise empty couch. You dropped your attention to your book, opening it to where you’d last left off, but you couldn’t help stealing a few glances at the raven-haired trickster. He sat elegantly in an armchair that he’d pulled close to the glass wall, staring pensively into the distance outside.

Thor had brought his brother to the Tower in hope that the “Earth’s mightiest heroes” would be able to keep him under their watchful eyes, and maybe even have a good influence on him. So far, the latter part was futile; Loki hadn’t acted out at all, but he’d done nothing but brood in silence since he’d gotten here. Although, you could somewhat understand why—everyone else in the tower was either treating him with a cold shoulder, or making snide remarks to him in an attempt to rouse him up. You didn’t really understand what the point of provoking him was. You’d even attempted to break the ice with him, to no avail.

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Lock and Key (M)

*I am so tired*

Requests: Anon asked “Can you make like a dirty y/n imagine of Jimin please??” + @bangtanofarmys asked “ FUCK FUCK FUCK OMG FINALLY SOMEONE’S REQUEST IS OPEN. Ok I want to request a rough Jimin smut, with daddy kink and stuff BECAUSE IM SO TIRED OF BEING REQUESTED AND NOT REQUEST T-T “ you’re so cute wtf 

Word Count: 10.8k bc I don’t know when to stop


Another mundane day has come to pass, your best friend’s arm slung over your shoulders as you soak up the blinding sunrays on your skin. The sun pressed harsh kisses on your delicate skin, a definite burn accompanied by heavy sweating was just the peak of your day. You could barely remember the words of your professor, zoned out and ready to slump into your couch for two days.

Anthropology was fun when you still had your first year jitters, excited to be in university and getting a degree in something you loved. Now, a few weeks into your second year, you wished the years would just pass by.

Distracted by your internal monologue, you barely caught the bus on time, the driver ready to zoom through traffic and you waved your hand out wildly to catch his attention. You stumbled into a seat, the bus moving no less than a second after you got on.

Mindlessly watching the street signs while numerous people leaving and entering the bus, you get off at the stop near your house. You kick off your shoes, dropping your bag on the shoe rack and you heard a broken sob.

“Mom? Dad?” You went into the kitchen, followed by a set of sniffling before going into the living room. Your father held your mother in a consoling way, her hands clinging onto his red sweater. She grabbed a tissue and blew into it.

“Mom? Why are you crying? What happened?”

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“Can Confirm” [Daveed x Reader]

Prompt: If you’re still taking request can I ask for a daveed x reader? Where Daveed loses his voice after a show and the reader had to take care of him? Thank you, I appreciate it.

A/N: so it’s been like 20 years since I posted an imagine? I’m sorry my loves, I hope you all forgive me and enjoy this!! xoxox

T/W: having a cold?

A/U: modern

Words: 2539

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

You pulled your coat closer around your body as you stepped outside into the winter snow, rushing to hail a taxi to take you to your workplace. You had been off of work and on holiday for a week, and were excited to get back to your job. 

You were a dresser for a few of the cast members in the musical Hamilton, a job that doesn’t sound all that amazing but filled you with immense happiness. Being that close to the buzzing energy of an acclaimed theatre show made you tingle with excitement every night – and it didn’t hurt that virtually every cast member was incredibly amazing to both hang out with and to look at. You never understood how they could sustain enough energy for a two-hour show, let alone doing it eight times a week. Nonetheless, every member made you feel apart of the Hamilton family. 

You jumped out of the taxi as it pulled up to the Richard Rogers theatre, thanking the driver and giving him some cash before hurrying into the heated venue. You looked up as you heard someone laugh at you shaking small bits of snow out of your hair. 

“Good afternoon, Y/N. Snowing outside?”

“Very observant of you, Lin,” you smiled back, giving him a hug hello and answering all his questions about your holiday, before making your way to the boys’ dressing room to help them get ready for the first show of a two-show day. 

You said a few more hellos on your way down the hall, slowing down as you neared Oak, Anthony, and Daveed’s communal dressing room to catch the end of their conversation.

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BTS Reaction - When another member finds your bralette in their room

Anonymous said: Could you do a reaction to where one of the other members finds your lacy bralette in their room please???

this is gonna be a little longer, I’m in a very write-y mood today lol This will be under a “read more” because it is kinda long!!!

Suga:

You and Suga had been together for almost two years now - and you’ve only slipped up once. You were alone with Jin in the dorm while all the other boys, including Suga, went off to do their own thing. You walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, and shouted at Jin to see if he wanted to order take out while the other boys were away for the time being. When he didn’t answer, you quickly pulled out your phone and sent Suga a text:

When will you be home? I think Jin and I are going to order Chinese or something x

I’ll be home in five minutes babe, just wait for me before you order.

You smile at his reply and set your phone down, now looking around for where Jin might have disappeared to. 

“Jin? C’mon, I’m hungry and Suga will be home in-” you stop as you open the door to Suga and Jin’s shared bedroom, revealing Jin, the most weirded out look on his face. In his fingers he lightly held onto your red, lacy bralette, as if it was the most disgusting thing he’d ever witnessed.

“Y/N. What. Is this?” 

At that moment, Suga walks in and sees you standing in the doorway to his room, and steps aside to see Jin holding up your bra. 

“Oh, shit. Sorry.” Suga laughs, and Jin starts doing one of his rants like the one he did in the Christmas VLive then flings the bra into a pile of dirty laundry that has yet to be finished. He begins to lecture you guys on the importance of cleaning up after yourselves when you’re “finished being little rabbits.” 

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anonymous asked:

So how would aliens react finding out about mental issues like depression?

That’s actually a really interesting question!

One that I’ll have to quickly research before I write out this scenario.

Ahem.


Xylion was examining some books he found lying around Human Jenny’s cabin. Yes, he was technically stealing them from her, but he was very interested in what humans were like. Seeing as he had recently experienced the terrifying things known as Grand Theft Auto V, he had to find something redeemable.

Human Jenny had mentioned she was an Anthropologist, and when he questioned what that was, she said it was the study of humankind. He had to hold back his comment about how self-centered humans were if they had a job to study their own species.

So far, none of the textbooks revealed anything interesting. He saw some stuff about history, but chose to leave it alone. He had heard humans had a long history of wars and perils, so maybe that wasn’t the best one to look at.

The next one was all about the Human Brain. He flipped through it a bit, but found nothing of interest. Who would want to know how human brains work?

The last book he found was labeled ‘Mental Disorders’. He frowned. He knew mental meant mind, but disorders? Was something wrong with human minds?

He grabbed the book and opened it. However, before he could begin reading, he heard the voice. “And what do you think you’re doing?”

Xylion almost began to secrete mucus again. He turned around slowly to see Human Jenny. Her eyes were narrowed and her cheeks red with anger. Xylion felt his tentacles begin to quiver. “Ah, Human Jenny! You’re- uh- hello! How is your day?” He asked, dropping the book so he wouldn’t ruin it.

Human Jenny grimaced at the phlegm that began to cover his arms. “What are you doing in here, Xylion?” She asked, crossing her arms.

“I was simply looking at your books! I wanted to know more about humans.” Xylion saw no point in lying. His species was known for doing what was always best.

A grin spread across her face. “You could’ve just said so! I know all about humans! Not only am I one, but it’s my job to study them! Now, what do you need to know?”

Xylion was shocked at her sudden change in demeanor, but he took it as a pleasing from Xalzor, the primordial god from his planet. Xylion looked down at the book he had been interested in. “What are ‘Mental Disorders’?”

Human Jenny’s smile seemed to droop slightly. She made some weird noise that sounded somewhat like a cough. “Well, Mental Disorders are problems that affect humans’ mental, physical, and/or emotional wellbeing.”

“So, they are weaker than the average human?”

“No! Not at all! Each issue affects a person in different ways, though they all have similar problems that come with them.” Human Jenny reasoned.

Xylion frowned. “Like what?”

Human Jenny picked up the book and flipped to a random page. “Here, this is one that affects a lot of people in this day and age: Depression.”

“‘Depression’? And what is that?”

“Well, have you ever experienced sadness, Xylion?”

He had to think about that. “Yes, one time when I was younger my brothers played a crude joke on me that ended up with me believing that I was useless. Of course it was all in good fun and I learned that eventually, but I was quite sad until then.”

“And how long did it take for you to realize that?”

“About a day or so.”

Human Jenny sighed. “Well, imagine that you are feeling that sadness for weeks and months on end. It’s never ending. Joy isn’t something that really seems real to you. It’s like the world around you is faded and everything just seems to bounce off of you. Even when you’re doing something that used to make you happy, all you feel is this sense of overwhelming sadness waiting right around you.”

Xylion blinked. “Is that…curable?”

“Yes. With pills, it can sometimes help. Not only that, but psychotherapy helps too. Most people get better.”

“And those that don’t?”

Human Jenny hesitated with her answer. She sighed, looking down. “Let’s just say they all have different ideas on what to do then.”

Xylion frowned at the cryptic message. He was confused. What did happen to them? What did they choose to do? Before he could ask anything else about it, human Jenny was already flipping through the pages.

“Schizophrenia.” She murmured, looking down at the page. It was filled with colorful images. Xylion frowned.

Human Jenny looked up at him. “Schizophrenia is a disorder that gives the victim auditory, visual, olfactory, an/or tactile hallucinations. People with this issue often see things, hear things, smell things, or feel things that aren’t there. The cause of this isn’t understood, and it often includes lifetime treatment.”

Xylion shook his head. “That’s horrible. How do people endure that?”

“Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t.”

Great, more vague answers. Xylion was getting sick of it, honestly.

Human Jenny sighed as she opened up another page. “Let’s see…Anxiety.”

“But…most humans have this disorder! Human Isaac often talks about how anxious he is! Is that not the same thing?”

“Yes, all humans experience anxiety, but it’s when it starts interfering with our daily lives that it becomes something serious. One example of anxiety is the Panic Attack centered anxiety. These panic attacks can do different things, though some of the things that can occur during them are: muscle tension, poor concentration, fear or confusion, the inability to relax, etcetera.”  

Xylion was shocked, yet again. “How do humans deal with this sort of thing?”

Human Jenny shuffled nervously before standing up. “Well, most people take pills to help them calm down and such.” Human Jenny began to rummage through a bin as she talked. “They take these pills to help keep them calm. Mainly because they fear dying in these situations, often feel discomfort, feel like they’re choking,” Human Jenny’s voice was fading now, “shortness of breath,” her breathing was getting raspy now, and Xylion was getting even more worried, “and others things.” She finished, coughing slightly.

He watched as she pulled out some orange container and opened it. Two white tablets fell into her palm and she pressed it against her mouth, letting the pills go in. He watched as she took her hand away and got a drink of water. As she swallowed the pills, she seemed to visibly relax. Xylion stood up. “Are you okay, Human Jenny?”

Her head hung slightly. “I’m alright. I just suffer from Anxiety, ya’ see? Sometimes when I talk about the different affects it has on us humans, I freak out. I’ll be fine, though.”

“Does anyone else aboard suffer from these disorders?”

Human Jenny nodded. “We’ve all had a problem sometime in our life. We aren’t exactly kids, you know?”

Xylion shuffled nervously. “What happened?”

“Well, Isaac has insomnia.”

“And what is that?”

Human Jenny sighed. “Well, insomnia is a sleeping disorder. It makes it so the person affected by it has trouble sleeping soundly at night. he has to take pills to help him fall asleep, otherwise he can’t sleep at night and won’t function as well in the mornings.”

Xylion looked down. He had never noticed this before. “And the others?”

“Well, Freddie’s been struggling with Depression ever since he lost his girlfriend in a shooting, and Mason has PTSD.”

“PTSD?”

“Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. He was in combat back on earth and he saw a lot of death. He watched his friend’s die, and that’s not something you can easily bounce back from.”

Xylion looked down, sadness filling him. Just the knowledge that his fellow crewmembers went through this on a daily basis was saddening. He frowned. “How come you were all sent up here then?”

“Well, Isaac can take pills for his Insomnia and I can take pills for my Anxiety. Freddie also takes pills, and because I have a degree in Psychology I am able to be his therapist, which is the person that can help him through it. And Mason is mostly over his. He occasionally gets nightmares, but he’s mostly gotten over his PTSD. He’ll never be completely over it, but he can function without having an episode on a normal day-to-day basis. Sometimes it hits him, and it’s only happened once since we joined your crew.”

Xylion sighed. He gently put a tentacle on her shoulder and wrapped it around her, pulling her to him. “I’m so sorry you all have to deal with this. If I could help you, know I would.”

When human Jenny pulled back, her face was red. She nodded quickly. “Yeah, whatever you say, Xylion.”

Xylion smiled down at her. He realized something that day.

While they looked weak, humans were always fighting a war. They were always battling the inner problems. Even fi they looked fine, a human wasn’t always as happy as they seemed. He’d take that lesson to his grave.


So what’d you think?

I did my best to write this part, because it is a huge part of our society. Anyways, if you want to learn more about different mental issues, then click here. I did my best looking up each one that I used and tried to portray it as closely as possible. Sorry if I didn’t do that good of a job.

Anyways, if you ever feel like you need some help with something, know I could be there to help you.

And I hope you enjoyed this, Anon! It took me a bit to write this and research it, but I think it was worth it!

It was especially long because my dad kept through those little poppers at my brother and my sister keeps showing me those anime crack videos, but who cares, I’ve written in worse environments, I think.

And goodbye! See you in the next Humans are Weird post.

Made of skin and bones

(not my gifs!)

Pairing: Alpha!Bucky x Omega!Reader

Warnings: Language, A/B/O dynamics

Summary: Due to the premature death of the King of your clan, his son, the alpha James Barnes, must assume his destiny and lead his people. As the tradition commands, he must choose some worthy omegas to make their his wives and with which he will ensure the subsistence of your clan. All the omega women are obliged to appear before their king, including you. Luckily for you, you would never be chosen… right?

Tags: at the end


1.Wolves   2.Chess   3.Holy water  4.Hold me


5. Market day

It’s a sunny day and the streets of your city are exactly as you love them: full of life. People chatting animatedly next to stands full of fruit from which their grangers boast, children running through the crowd and mothers behind them yelling to the kids to behave. Inhaling deeply you are pleasantly surprised by the sweet smell of your favorite buns fresh from the oven. Decided, that will be your next stop.

Just  before you mislead the two guards James especially chose to follow you around all day, of course.

Looking at them from the corner of your eye you see how bored they are, one of them can’t stop yawning while the other seems to want to nail himself with something sharp just to feel something. You smile to yourself, that’s part of your plan. You’ve been wandering around the market for hours, looking around, buying here and there but not really doing anything interesting, just making the two poor soldiers dizzy and waiting for they to get their guard down, so you can “get lost” and visit Nat once for all.

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