this is a quote that i have on my facebook

Even if you called 6 months later at 3 am, I’d still answer; I’ll always care.
—  Unknown
8

Doctor Who Meme ▬ Two quotes (2/2) :

“Listen to me… Listen, I just… I just want you to think. Do you know what thinking is ? It’s just a fancy word for changing your mind.”

Language matters. Language reflects attitude. Attitude reflects feelings and behavior.

I’m in some large polyamory groups on Facebook. Something that comes up CONSTANTLY is a post that looks like this. This isn’t a direct quote on purpose, but it probably is a dirct quote by accident, because the posts like this have very little variance from one another.

“My partner and I have been looking for a female to add to our family. Why is it so hard to find a third? We just want to love her and treat her right.”

If you run in the solo-poly/relationship anarchy/anti-couples-privilege circles of polyamory, you probably know the name we give to people who post things like that: UNICORN HUNTERS!

“But,” people ask when they’re called out for posting stuff like the above, “What’s wrong with knowing what we want, and asking for it?”

Well, okay, sure: you can ask for whatever you want. That much is true. But what you asked us was for reasons why you’re having a hard time. And we’re telling you why, but you think you’re an exception to the rule. I get that – you are new to this. You don’t necessarily know that this same. exact. question. gets asked day after day after day. That is it easily THE most commonly-asked question by people who are newly poly, to those with experience. If you are in the position to be asking it, you CAN learn from our critique. If you’re willing to believe that people are telling you these things because they legitimately want to see you thrive, then you yourself might just benefit from their advice.

I’ll break it down. (I’m going to use mainly female pronouns to refer to the “third” here, because that is overwhelmingly the way these sorts of posts go, but people of other genders can also be affected by situations like these.)

“My partner and I…”

This makes it sound like you two are a unit. If you were single, would you want to date a unit? Or would you want to date individuals?

“…have been looking for a female…”

“Female” sounds clinical. Try “woman.” If your response to this is to say that people are too picky about language, just know that you’re alienating plenty of the most emotionally intelligent people in the dating pool.

“…to add to our family.”

“To add to” suggests that the person you want to date is an annex to something whole, rather than a whole person in her own right, with desires of her own, and maybe even a family of her own – or a desire to form a family of her own, that might or might not include both of you.

Also, consider how daunting it would be, as a single person, to be approached by someone whose immediately vocalized goal involves the word family. When you went on dates as a single person, how would you have felt if someone said on or before the first date that they wanted you to be part of their family?

“Why is it so hard to find a third?”

“A third” is hierarchical. You are saying that you and your partner are first and second (perhaps interchangeably) – and the new person is third. You might argue that this sort of structure is inevitable and natural when first getting to know someone, and that you eventually want this person to be your “equal.” While that seems reasonable on the surface, why should anyone getting to know you take you at your word that you won’t always see her as “a third”? Try treating her as a person with equal rights to her own relationship desires now, and you won’t have to try to persuade her that things will change later. No, you’re not required (and probably not even advised) to immediately overhaul your life to give her equal time to your other partner – but you should be willing to give her equal consideration, effective immediately. Her feelings, desires, and boundaries matter just as much as anyone else’s – treat them accordingly.

“We just want to love her and treat her right.”

Sure, but that’s by your definition of loving someone and treating her right. If no one’s signing up, then you should consider that what you’re offering might not appeal. 

My recommendation to anyone who is frustrated with trying to date as a couple is simply: try dating separately. It’s not what a lot of people want to hear, but it’s kind of amazing how many more people are successful in dating as individuals. Does the thought make you nervous? That’s understandable. It can seem a lot less frightening to feel like you’re “in it together” with your partner. But I believe that if you truly trust each other to care for one another, you can spread your wings, freely date individually, and still have an incredibly loving bond. You are always in your relationship together, regardless of what happens in your other relationships.

And you know what? Every once in a blue moon, maybe one of your partners will be interested in another one of your partners, and you’ll end up in a triad where nobody feels like they have to date either both of you or neither of you, where nobody feels like they have to be the exact missing piece of your puzzle, and where everybody feels empowered to set boundaries and ask for what they need.

Mina: [Shares tumblr post on facebook ] “If you ever see me with a shirt on of a show, movie or whatever on it that you love too, you have the right to sit your ass down in front of me and start talking. My public representation of my fandoms is an invitation to come and talk to me about it”

Tzuyu: NOT NEAR ME

Tzuyu: I’ll leave your ass with the person

I think first loves will always have a place in your heart no matter what. I don’t love him anymore, nor do I think about him every day. Even though I was second priority for him and he didn’t treat me right, it doesn’t change the fact that he was my first love. I will notice him at every party, and his Facebook statuses will just have more meaning for me than other ones.

And I guess that’s just first love for you.

It’s happening again. I’m falling for you all over again and I don’t know how to break the cycle. I don’t know how to move on when I have to see you all the time; walking around campus, sitting in the library or being tagged by mutual friends on Facebook. 

But it’s different this time, when I see you it isn’t the same longing I used to feel. It isn’t even infatuation anymore. Now all I feel is anger. 

Anger that I wasted so much time longing for you and so much time confused as to what I was really feeling. Anger that I can’t just look at you like I look at everyone else. 

I don't want you, I don’t want to be your friend or anything more that a friend. All I want is to see you and not be reminded of the time lost, to see you and not confuse how I feel now to how I used to feel. I still want your attention out of habit, I still try to intrigue you as I walk past.

I’m ready to move on, but the past keeps dragging me down and won’t let me close the chapter of you.

—  This isn’t what I want, I know that. But you were an addiction for so long, and I have never been good at quitting, and I have always been a master of the relapse. 
2

Love is the force in my life. It’s the easiest thing to write about as well, because I experience it as universal as the same time it’s personal. When it happens, it happens and you don’t have to think so much. Your jaw drops to the ground, your knees are shaking, the colors around you change, the tastes change… Everybody knows what it’s like at its best. And it doesn’t have to go much further. Love doesn’t need to be fulfilled, so to say, to be a magnificent experience.
Ville Valo

6

“In some ways, we’ve been through something no one else can ever understand but the two of us… And it made me realize. We are always and absolutely better together.” - Clace

“Simon hid the fact that he was inordinately pleased by this. “Are we officially boyfriend and girlfriend? Is there a Shadowhunter ritual? Should I change my Facebook status from ‘it’s complicated’ to ‘in a relationship’?”
Isabelle screwed up her nose adorably. “You have a book that’s also a face?” - Sizzy

“Magnus raised his head and looked up and over at Alec; it was a look that made Clary flush and glance away. There was so much love in it, mixed with exasperation and pride and despair. It was an unguarded look, and it felt wrong to see it.” - Malec

(for copyright purposes - I found these gifs on google images, but didn’t realise that they belonged to a Tumblr blog, so just to be clear the credit for this post belongs to http://mortalmovie.tumblr.com/post/64235099124/weliveandbreathewords-tmi-cast-credits)

[Image description: a screenshot of the Facebook profile of a man named Dan L. Edmunds. His bio states that he is an associate psychologist, self advocate, international speaker and author, philosopher, and activist. It shows that he studied community counseling at Argosy University-Sarasota. Above his profile picture is a quote of his that reads: “In my work with autistic persons and those with developmental differences, I have always believed that those persons DO communicate, though it may be in a way apart from others, and that we must focus on innate strengths. Our objective should never be to force them to be something that they are not but to respectfully guide them to be able to navigate through the mainstream.”]

AUTISTICS BEWARE! THERE IS A PSYCHIATRIC PREDATOR IN AUTISM SPACES ON FACEBOOK!

This man is allistic and has been inserting himself into Autistic communities all over facebook. He leads others to believe that he is Autistic, but he is not. I was under the impression that he was Autistic up until I saw him called out by another person. He is a skilled manipulator with all the red flags of a predator and an abuser. THIS MAN WORKS WITH CHILDREN. He writes poetry and other literature from the point of Autistic people, even though he is not. He talks endlessly about his work with people of differing neurodivergencies that when looked at through the perspective that he is Autistic seem wonderful, but when realized that he is not seem condescending, fetishizing, demeaning, ableist, and downright gross. He sees himself as an “Autism-whisperer” (quote of mine, not his).

When someone likes something of his on Facebook and he sees that they are young and perceives them to be female, he friends them immediately. This happened to me as well as many other young woman and people he perceived to be women. Occasionally he will comment on their pictures or statuses with compliments about their looks. This man is far older than would make this appropriate.

Many people, like myself, assumed him to be Autistic because of his writing from the perspective of an Autistic person, his blunt affect in his pictures, and doing things otherwise socially inappropriate (re: friending young women/people he perceives to be women and complimenting them on their appearances). However, when asked if he is Autistic or when anything he says or does is called into question he reacts by not being straightforward, attempting to confuse the person, using vague terms and confusing metaphors (something that many Autistics like myself have trouble with), gaslighting, accusing them being uncooperative, and belittling them.

When I found out he was not Autistic, I felt physically ill because I, as many others had, been taken in by this predator. I confronted him over Facebook and these were his responses (under the cut as this is rather long):

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it makes me so fucking angry how little my parents attempt to contact me my dad like basically never and with my mom it’s like just stupid Facebook shit she knows I won’t respond to instead of just being like ‘hey how are you I have seen you for like one hour in the past 2 years"

Also when I visit the effort they put in is so minimal it makes me want to scream lmao and it makes me so angry like yes I am abrasive and not touchy feely and it is 10000% how you raised me and I honestly don’t care how grumpy and detached I am I deserve better

Lydia: I don’t have claws, or glowing eyes, or super senses. I just have voices in my head
—  Teenwolfquotes: Lydia Martin to Malia Hale
today

I got a mail from my school that I’ve failed a class (only 6 points away) despite I’ve tried my best because that one lecturer that determined to fail at least half his class no matter what, so I have to pay $1300 to study that class again.

I rolled the fgo gacha with all of my quartz (f2p) and didn’t even get any 4* or 5*.

I cried myself to sleep at noon and wake up to a headache and missed lunch.

I wanted bread but that bread shop closed down until tomorrow.

did I also mentioned my prideshipping comic I’m working on crashed before I can save the progress?

on top of that, my facebook account is now on lock down because the stupid “you gotta use your real name" rule.

someone buy me a rope, I want to hang myself. Happy valentine to me ~

You know how people say that sometime your Facebook page or intsagram account paints a fake picture of your life i feel like tumblr can be like that too. Now this is how i feel about myself, i scroll throw my blog and I’ve realise what i see amongst the pretty pictures, bible verses, inspirational quotes and memes is an idealistic portrait of what i think my life is ideally. it might be a snapshot of my personality but do i actually live that?