this is a horrible scene to colour

I’m sorry ( Zen x Mc xYoosung)

Fandom: Mystic Messenger
Pairing: Zen x MC (reader) x Yoosung
Rating : Mild angst

Summary:Mc used to be in a relationship with Zen, but after being bullied by his fans, things changed - Zen changed and so MC is left alone with the wounds of her past. The one who tries to mend her wounds is Yoosung, but will their relationship turn into a romantic one or is the past going to ruin it all? (。•̀ᴗ-)✧

Authors notes: This is Mc’s perspective throughout her relationship with Zen and how she felt with Jaehee not trusting her and being against their relationship. How did MC’s life change while she was in a relationship with Zen? Did it turn for the better or did his fame only hurt her? Read on and find out~~ Hope you like it, cuties~  ( ˘ ³˘)♡

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Life without him, is something can hardly imagine. Just picturing all the times, we used to chat and the conversations we had and the first time he saw me in flesh. Maybe that time when he saw me, was actually the moment where I knew that I was in love with him. How he got all excited and just how big his eyes got. He reminded me of how excited children would get when you gave them something they really wanted. Did his expression mean the same – did he really truly want me?


Someone so … normal like me? If I had to be honest I was constantly afraid of how he would react to me once he would get to meet me. But at some point I was waiting in anticipation for the day where we could be together in our own small world. Because maybe, just maybe, after all the times Jaehee was, how can I say…mean and very, hum, possessive of Zen, I didn’t know what to do. At one point I tried to understand her, but the more I tried the harder it was. Being doubted and not trusted left a scar in my heart which I knew wouldn’t heal so quickly. It was painful, trying to help the organisation when at the same time, the very people you wanted to help, did background checks on you and didn’t trust you. 


Zen trusted me with ease, he always said he just had a feeling that I was trustworthy and a good person. The more I interacted with all of the members of the rfa, the more everyone warmed up to me, I was starting to feel welcome and maybe even … loved?


But there was always Jaehee, always with her “if I may be so bold…” yada yada, I get it you don’t like me. It’s hard being nice to someone like her, when I actually really wanted to be her friend. But how can any relationship work, where there is no trust. And honestly I was starting to get fed up with how she would meddle constantly, just because she was a fan of Zen’s. I do understand that she was only protecting him, but there is a line between wanting what is best for someone and being possessive. In all that protecting she forgot about the one person she cared for – Zen. She forgot that he too has feelings, that he too is human and that if his fans did love him for who he was, they would accept the fact that he would maybe someday be with someone who loves and cherishes him. Also – his fans are supposed to love him for his work and not just for his looks. Maybe that is one reason, for why Zen liked me?
Because frankly, I wasn’t his fan, didn’t know about him. 

But I cared for him and his passion for his work. He is dedicated, strong and works hard in everything he does. That is why he so amazing and that is why, I fell in love with him.


It was nice how everyone in the rfa gave us their blessing, after a while even Jaehee warmed up to me. To this day, she is still at times is weird and goes on and on about how we should wait with every small thing in our relationship but I don’t mind, I see in her eyes that she is my friend and that now – she even means all what she says not to turn me away, but in a way to protect me.


This – me thinking about the past and reminiscing about how lucky I was is something that as of lately would often do. I would sit on the couch with a warm cup of tea in my lap and just think about everything. Before that happened all of us were happy.


The sudden ringing of the doorbell woke me from my thoughts and I walked towards it, I already knew who it was.  As I opened the door and welcome my visitor with a big smile.


“Hello MC, how have you been lately? Is everything alright, can you manage living all by yourself? Hopefully you don’t feel to bored without any company.” 

Spoke the cute blonde. At his question I only shook my head and showed him to step inside, he sighed slightly and nodded. I was about to go and prepare him a cup of tea, when he stopped me in mid of my tracks and took my hand.


“MC, I know that after all of that you don’t want to … see him or her and I am glad that you are even staying in touch with the rest of us. I feel like we all … weren’t good friends to you, we could have protected you better.”


I saw how his eyes watered and squeezed his hand at that and gave him a small smile. 


“I miss your voice, I miss your laugh MC. What those fans did to you is unforgivable.”


Ah, that is right …  I was bullied by Zen’s fans and … they almost killed me and the result from all that trauma was that I became a selective mute and I could only speak with some people. When I did speak though – I only spoke out a few words, but after some time I couldn’t talk anymore, I just stopped. At times the only one I could speak to was Zen, but after some time, when he started to change I couldn’t even talk to him anymore. He did feel responsible for everything that happened and as I was hospitalised. Zen would often visit me and bring me gifts and talk all about his work and how he missed me, missed … us. 


 Then after a while the visits would stop and I would often just be all alone in that white room. At those times all I had were the thoughts in my head that would slowly make me go insane. One thing that did keep me going was my window. Though it was painful to see the time fly, to see how the world was still moving even after all those horrible things happened to me. But I loved it, I loved how the sky would change in colour, how it would look different at different times in the day.  


As naïve as I was, I would always turn to the door and wait for someone, anyone that I knew to visit me and help me forget all about that time. That horrible time when I tried my hardest not to let Zen know just how much his fans hurt me, how mean they would get and just how mean Jaehee could get. If the rfa member knew just how much nasty things were behind the scenes, would they still claim to love each other? To love me?  


I believed them nonetheless. I was aware of the secrets and the things V hid from everyone, I just didn’t know how big these secrets actually were – so big that it endangered lives. But I loved them, I truly did, each and every one of them. Even if Jahee did those unspeakable things, even if Zen left me, I loved them and this love that I felt for them has only given me more pain. I believed in them, in my lovely members.


The rfa members, just didn’t have the time to visit and I understood. I knew that they would visit if they could, deep inside I knew. At least the ones who knew what happened could have visited. The only one who didn’t know was Yoosung – all of them thought that he would not be able to handle what happened to me. I understood and tried to be strong. But after all that happened and after all that they did to me it still it hurt and I wasn’t as strong as they thought I was. I was slowly crumbling and I was starting to loose myself.


As I gazed at my wrists that held light marks from that time, when I was weak and didn’t find any other way, Yoosung gently took hold of my wrist and kissed it. Ha…Yoosung, after they finally told him what happened he changed. All that anger that he felt for V and the organisation turned to hate, he hated them all. He was so mad at them, for betraying his trust, for letting all of this happen. He only stayed for my sake. He would run to me so many times, it turned to daily visits and he would stay for a long time or I would visit him and watch him play LOLOL. His presence calmed me and I wasn’t as scared. He grew to be taller, stronger and muscular. His shoulders were broader and I felt safer. I looked at him and no matter how much he might have grown I still saw the cutie Yoosung that would always blush at my compliments.

 Even now there was a slight dust of pink on his cheeks. And he spoke up while holding both of my hands; “I would have protected you if I knew, I would try to save you, would try to make the pan go away. I am so sorry that I couldn’t, I am sorry that you are hurting. I wish I was you knight.”


He led me to the couch and wrapped his arms around me and held me, maybe he thought that I was going to cry.


“You can…you can let it out if you want.”


I shook my head, I couldn’t’ cry anymore. All that happened has passed and I even if my life has changed I tried to live on. Zen might have left me, but I still had the comfort of my friends Yoosung and Jumin. Both of them have dedicated their time to visit me and make sure that I was alright.
Just as I thought of Jumin, Yoosung asked me; “Did Jumin visit you lately? How long has it been since he was here?”. I pulled back from the hug and showed him with my finger the number three – signalising that it has been three days. A slow hum escaped Yoosung.


“What about him? Does he ever contact you? Or…?”


I put my finger on his lips and only shook my head and after a long while feeling comfortable to speak up, I opened my mouth and in a hushed voice I said; 

“You are here.” 

He wore a shocked expression on his face, which instantly softened into a warm smile and tears in his eyes he embraced me again, but now stronger and … it felt warmer.


“And here I will stay! I promise to protect you, from now on I will be there!”


I wanted to cherish this sweet moment, feeling warm and safe in the arms of someone who cherished me so much. But this moment would surely pass – for a message was sent from an unknown number on my phone and the only thing it said was; 


“I’m sorry.”


4
Captain America Vol. 5 #14
Steve: Remember! Remember who you really are….

Winter Soldier: Remember who I am?! The only thing I am is the man who’s gonna kill you!

Steve: Fine. Then go ahead…