this idea made me laugh so i had to make it

shibolet3  asked:

Wait what con artist from 2014

I’d like to title this story “Swing And A Miss

Okay, so my high school had this program where seniors could leave school like a month and a half early and opt out of exams if they took on internships around the neighborhood, but not everyone wanted to/was eligible to do it. Back in like 2013, they had like 15 bored seniors stuck in the school, so the administration brought in this Professional Life Coach, left him in alone in a room with them for two hours to talk to them about like, self-esteem or some shit. All the kids were pulled out of their classes for this*, and later told the administration that they loved him, they really enjoyed the talk.

So, about a year later, we have a new principal. He’s supposed to set up an assembly for all the 11th and 12th graders, but he doesn’t know what to do. One of his coworkers mentions that there was a life coach that was a huge hit with the kids that didn’t do community study last year, so maybe he’d also be great for a larger audience. The principal basically thinks “okay, what the hell” and calls up and hires Jason C. Jean to come talk to the kids.

Now, it’s like, 10:30, maybe 11:00 in the morning, and two entire grades are getting shepherded to the main gymnasium, and no one wants to God damn be there. We ain’t got time for self esteem talks. We want to sleep. And this guy, watching us all drag our feet in and collapse into the bleachers was just like…offensively peppy. There’s a couple faculty members sitting behind him, the woman who suggested he be hired for this, the vice principals for the grades- but the principal himself kept getting calls so he was in and out the whole time.

Now, Mr. Jean was like…the chill “Just call me by my first name dude” history professor at college times 30. He was trying so fucking hard. I’m referring to him as ‘Mr. Jean’ in this story just to be disrespectful. So anyway, we all get in there, and he tells us right off the bat “You guys are totally allowed to be on your phones and laptops during this! I get it! It’s no problem, like really, I insist!” so while the faculty members are exchanging smiles that read ‘how do we kill that while respecting him’, all the kids are immediately pulling out their electronics and he’s starts his speech.

Now, again, I really wanna reiterate that he told us we could be on our phones- because when the news articles started coming out about this, I remember all these angry, annoying comments from old people like “Why the hell were the students on their phones in the first place! So disrespectful! These damn millennials and their social media!” like, they were completely ignoring the entire story and just focusing in on kids using the internet, and it Really Super Pissed Me Off, so. Again, we had permission for this (which also ended up being Mr. Jean’s fatal mistake).

So, he starts off this speech fairly normally, like ‘hi, I’m Jason, I’m a professional life coach and I wanna teach you kids about how to be The Best You!’ and like people were tuning him out and listening to varying degrees. Some kids (like myself) were kinda dozing off, and everyone was on twitter or facebook.

His approach to a self esteem speech seemed to be ‘let me tell you my entire life story for hours’ and like, at first I was like “I’m not really hearing this, I’m half dreaming right now” but the more I started making myself pay attention the more…bizarre and rambling his story got.

So like, for instance, he told us he drank a lot in high school. Like, a lot. But he didn’t use that as a ‘don’t drink or party too hard’ lesson, instead he was like “I was fourteen so I always called my parents to pick me up, and they weren’t mad because they knew it meant I could trust them. So remember, always tell your parents when you’re drinking!” and then it kinda got to a point where it sounded like he was encouraging partying and drinking and the like to the group of underage kids.

And then, he told us how he used to play baseball all the time when he was a kid, and at 16 reached a crossroads in his life where the Phillies wanted to draft him or he could go play football for Penn State. And he said he went with Penn State but later lost the scholarship for some reason and we’re like…really.

There was absolutely nothing coherent about anything he was saying- nothing that tied anything together, made a point, seemed like it had anything to do with an assembly on self esteem. He told us at one point he was making upwards of 7 million a year. He told us one time before college he was homeless. He told us he used to own a construction company and built his own branch of nightclubs himself, that he and his friend then ran. He told us he fought a shark and came out with no scars. He told us that he had less money now, because after surviving a work related accident- direct quote- “I fell almost 30 feet and I broke in half” - he decided to leave that industry and spend more time with his family.

So, yeah, I was pretty positive this was bullshit, but there were clearly kids in the room that were falling for it. But then he said something like…he and his friend got bored one day and started jarring up their own pasta sauce, and made a deal with wegmans or some store like that to start selling it, and now he has a pasta sauce empire. Like he spent 15 fucking minutes on this. The way he kept saying ‘pasta sauce’ was so annoying I was about to claw my ears out. But anyway, two girls in my grade wanted to find out what brand he was talking about, so they googled his name.

And then quietly gasped.

And then furiously started typing into their phones.

And remember- everyone, even though they were paying attention- was on twitter and facebook. All the sudden I see heads flying up and wide eyes and people whispering to each other. Mr. Jean doesn’t seem to notice the change and keeps rambling on, but I know something happened so I google him too and-

Okay so basically he’s 1) been arrested, 2) filed for bankruptcy like three times and 3) has been hailed as a ‘Swinger Guru’ by playboy.

EVERYONES SILENTLY FLIPPING OUT.

So by now, this is a fucking game- he still doesn’t notice anything wrong amongst the kids, so we’re all silently texting each other to fill each other in. Pulling up receipts. But still playing the part of politely intrigued audience members. The school faculty have no fucking idea what’s going on, until one of the students texts her mom, who happens to be the woman that convinced the principal to hire this guy. We see her check her phone, go wide-eyed, and she runs out of the fucking room presumably to either find the principal or hide in terror.

So Mr. Jean had been talking to random people intermittently throughout this speech, but we reach the ‘questions’ part of it. Everyone seems to silently agree that instead of just asking him anything outright, we should just see how good of a liar he was. So they’d be asking him stuff like ‘how much money did you make with ____ company’ and he’d give a ridiculously high number as people were sending each other reports of him filing for bankruptcy during that time. Or they asked him about his construction business which he said was great, and while he was talking about how great it was we were all reading his arrest report, from when a woman hired him to build her house, and he took her money and then like…just didn’t build anything. Wild. Someone asked him about his family and he’s extolling Christian virtues while we’re all on the website for his annual Swing Fest. People would ask him how he got certain jobs and he was making promises to hook kids up in interviews and shit. Everyone was loosing their God damn minds online and just barely holding it together in person. This man was so beyond full of shit- like, he was a God awful life coach but his dedication to lying was inspirational.

We eventually get to leave and everyone is yelling and cracking up and freaking out, all running to our classes to tell the teachers and the underclassmen everything, and the teachers are freaking out, alternating between horrified confusion and laughing hysterically. Before the school day even ended, someone had called a bunch of news stations. The principal was freaking out and denying he had anything to do with it, before calling some students to his office to see what exactly the kids had searched up on the guy…Because apparently teenagers can perform better background checks than school officials. It was all anyone could talk about for weeks.

A couple months after this, for my theater class’ showcase, I wrote and directed a skit called ‘Mason B. Mean’. It was a huge hit. The principal was in the audience. I’ve never seen a grown man look so dead inside. I made sure I was out of the room before he came up to congratulate the cast and everything. The next day, my theater teacher told me his only comment about the skit was a quiet, long-suffering “Why.” 😂😂

Annnnnnnnd that’s the time a Swinger Entrepreneur rambled on about pasta sauce and money in front of teenagers who knew how to use google for almost two hours.  

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/Montco_principal_apologizes_for_having_swinger_entrepreneur_speak_to_kids.html

→ plums & melons | 01

Originally posted by trash-for-bangtan

pairing → Jimin x Reader

☆ genre  →  smut, slight humor, drama || brother’s best friend!au 

warnings   → public indecency, dirty talk, a lot of teasing, jimin’s porn preferences, and boobs

☆ word count   → 6.3k

The long time running game between you and your brother’s best friend started when you noticed his fascination with boobs—yours specifically. It was never supposed to amount to more than harmless flirting and lingering glances, but now, one year later, Jimin was ready to change that.

alternatively: Jimin and you play a game. the loser is fucked. metaphorically. literally. all the above??

☆ a/n → i had to split this into 2 parts rip (& in this work of fiction, jimin’s penis isn’t a jelly bean) happy 3 months !!

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Sometimes John and Sherlock accidentally talk all night.

Like maybe the intention to go to sleep at a normal time was there, but then they get distracted.

11 PM: They finish the movie and it just naturally feels like time for bed. Teeth are cleaned, doors are locked, and they settle in between the sheets, and damn is the bed comfortable compared to the haphazard dog pile of limbs they had gotten into on the sofa.

“What did you think of the film?”

“Nice; very enjoyable.”

“Did I tell you it was my favorite when I was a kid?”

“No. Really?”

“Yeah. Would watch it on repeat.”

“Interesting. But it’s no longer your favorite?”

“Right. I dunno- I still love it, but not in the same way.”

“I understand. Your favorite now is that one Bond, um…Die Another Day?”

“Yeah.” John gives Sherlock a small, soft smile. He looks almost bewitched.

“What’s that look for?”

“It’s for you. ”

“Yes, but why?”

“Because it’s really nice to have someone remember things like that about me.”

1 AM: The discussion has shifted to favorites, and why they’re favorites.

“So you would rather listen to that same Rolling Stones album again and again for eternity than ever even trying something like Debussey?”

“Correct.”

“Alright, well, now I know.”

“You know what?”

“That we’re breaking up.”

They laugh.

2 AM: …and now they’re just naming things they like.

John: “Long car journeys”

Sherlock: “The smell of coffee.”

“You hate coffee.”

“I hate the taste of coffee.”

“You are a complex being.”

“Thank you.”

They laugh some more.

John: “Rainy mornings that last all day.”

“Me too.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“They’re lovely.”

“Why’s that?”

Sherlock fidgets with his lips, trying to figure out how to phrase his answer.

“Because you always wake me very…pleasantly… and often you continue waking me pleasantly for most of the morning…afternoon…even into the evening sometimes.”

“Do I? When it’s raining?”

“Yes. Not every time, but under a certain set of conditions I can, for the most part, look at the forecast for the morning the night before and know in advance whether or not I’ll be getting anything done the next day.”

John looks back at him, a concoction of surprise, then near embarrassment, then a sly smile.

“Interesting, see, I find that I get one thing in particular done consistently on those days.”

Sherlock snorts.

4 AM: The topic has shifted between worst hangover stories and crazy uni memories to some more difficult things, like John’s time in the service, and Sherlock’s addiction.

“We’ve sort of been dealt a few tough hands eh?”

“Truly.”

“Makes me want to take you away somewhere and just be relaxed for a bit.”

“I would agree to that in an instant.”

“Yeah? Let’s do that, then.”

“Fantastic idea!”

“I do get them on occasion.”

More laughter.

5 AM:

John is trying to work in to the concersation something he’s been wanting Sherlock to know for a long time. It’s difficult, though- he’s never really said anything like this- anything so personal.

“It says a lot about you, I think, that I can do things like this- stay awake all night, not having to be overwhelmed or rampant. You balance me, John.”

“Yeah..yeah I- I know what you mean. You also- I mean, you sort of…I don’t dread…my life to come…anymore. I used to think of all the days and years I had left to endure, wonder how I would fill them, hoping I could find something that wouldn’t feel so miserable, something to settle for, but you- fuck, Sherlock, I think back to that now and it feels like a horrible nightmare. I’m…more than just glad, to have found you. You- damn, this is hard, I-”

Sherlock ties his fingers with John’s and moves even closer.

"Take your time. No rush. No pressure. Anything you want to tell me, you can. You’re safe here.”

"I suppose…You umm…you made me rethink- my plans, for me, yes. But not only that, you also showed me a way of living so different from what I had known, so much better and full of richness, I look back at those days where I no longer wanted to be alive and think -it’s probably because I wasn’t alive. I had every responsibility and felt every drawback of life but was denied any of the good stuff. You showed me so much more than I ever knew was out there- you sort of saved my life by…showing me how to live it? That’s so cheesy, I-”

And now Sherlock is crying. So John starts crying.

6 AM: they’ve got themselves together by now and moved on to something a little lighter.

"Right…so, you mean to tell me that James Moriarty, criminal mastermind, scary man with an affinity for the latest in explosive fashion, still sleeps with a teddy bear?”

"Precisely.”

"How did you figure that one out?”

"It took a few-visits- to piece it together, mostly because I was in disbelief myself, but he shows signs of a stiff neck as if he sleeps in an extremely bent position with one arm hooked partially under himself, likely around a small item. Persistence of this soreness shows that he didn’t just sleep wrong once, he makes a habit of this position. But what really sealed the realization was the right thumbnail. Much shorter than all the others, wrinkled texture, dry skin around the edges where the rest of his finers are immaculately manicured. Exposed to moisture for long periods of time.”

"No fuckin way!”

"Oh yes. He sucks his thumb. What a terrifying creature.”

Hysterical laughter.

"I’m always curious what you could tell about me right away and what took you a bit longer.”

That’s a dangerous path John- not everyone wants to know what others can tell about them.”

"Yeah but I’m just tired enough to ask anyway.”

"Well, all the things I pointed out at Bart’s…then more and more about your childhood based on your dating habits…around a month after we moved in I had narrowed down the approximate size of your…tyre lever…”

"Really?”

"Well…I had underestimated, to be honest. Your stature is misleading, as I’m sure you know.”-

"So, that is to say, you were-”

"Incredibly anxious and then surprised in the best possible way.”

"I was going for ‘not disappointed’, but alright.”

"Not in the slightest. My God, not even a little. In fact, what’s the opposite of disappointed?”

"Satisfied?”

"More than.”

"Sated?”

"Never.”

7 AM: Talking has ceased. The sun seeps in at the sides of the drapes, pale and gray. It’s a bit chilly, but neither know- it’s aafe and warm in the bubble of their room.

Neither sleep until around noon, after tea and toast in bed- the rain hits the roof in steady droves, tapping occasionally at the window if the wind blows a certain way.

Sherlock gets absolutely no work done.
the story of the underwear cockles op

y’all wanna hear the story of how @amazinmango and i got this photo op at phxcon this weekend?

PART ONE: BEFORE THE OP

so here’s the thing: n o n e of this was planned. it was amazing, hilarious, ridiculous kismet. 

mango’s had his birthday recently, and so i brought his birthday present with me to phxcon. part of the present was a pair of jensen’s underbears (i think the text i sent mango right after jib was, “we’re close enough that it’s not weird if i buy u underwear right????”) bc i thought that was hilarious from jib and mango is a huge jensen fan and dean!boy. so the original joke was just that mango could have the bear underwear. i also got him a second pair in orange, bc orange is his fav colour. this was as far as i thought this would go. 

so i get into phoenix thursday night and give mango his present. we didn’t know there were cockles photo ops until friday afternoon when we saw hard tickets for sale. i distinctly remember being bummed that my hometown con had cockles photo ops for sale online but phxcon, the one i was actually going to, did not. but obviously once i saw they were available, like. THERE WAS ONLY ONE CHOICE. so after deciding it was completely financially irresponsible when we have no money, i bought the op. 

i can’t remember when it occurred to us that we had both the underbears and a pair of lucky orange underwear for misha in our hotel room. we wanted to do something fun and funny for the op, and cracked ourselves up at the idea. but we were also aware that it could be, you know, kind of sort of maybe intensely uncomfortable to be like (a) i know what underwear u were wearing and (b) here i brought pairs of them for you to further laugh over. i have a T E R R I B L E akdslkjkas embarrassment squick, so we didn’t want to do anything that made us uncomfortable, and we definitely didn’t want to do anything that would make misha or jensen uncomfortable. we wanted them to have fun with us and play around with us. 

we ran our idea passed our roomie, who has some good con experience, to see if she thought it would fly or not. we agreed on judging our plan based on their mood on the day and asking them if they felt comfortable enough to do it was the best course of action, with a back-up plan ready to go immediately just in case, so j+m knew we were serious that they could totally pass on it if it was weird. CONSENT AND SAFE SPACE. we were hella concerned about this. 

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Bts reaction to their crush saying “if I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you”

Wow that’s a long ass title

Seokjin: You two were best friends who had a hell load of tension going on. You were over at Jin’s place to just hang out. He always thought that his feelings were one sited so he never even considered confessing to you. All of the sudden you asked him about his sex life, being afraid that the answer would hurt you since you have a crush on him too. Being confused he’d answer honestly: “Lately there’s not much going on. I’d feel uncomfortable doing it with someone who isn’t you.” he confessed by mistake. He’d feel really embarrassed as he realizes what happened. You said: “I didn’t thought you feel like this. Well, if I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you”. Jin would be soooo happy saying: “I’d really be honored to take your virginity. I like you, y/n.” He’d approach you slightly giving you a soft kiss which leads to a heavy make out session. Being the gentleman he is, he wouldn’t let it come too far without dating you. 

Jin on the inside:

Originally posted by mscleaningfairy

Namjoon: You two were chilling alone at a house party together. Because you already drank a bit Namjoon felt confident enough to start asking private questions. Technically it wasn’t your idea to tell him you’re just the most honest person after only one shot of tequila. Without him having to ask you just went for it and said: “if I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you” Namjoom had his facial expression under control only a dirty smile covered his face. “I knew that! You like me and I like you..” He’d immediately start acting all cocky and flirty with you which leaded to making out in a spare room. He was grinding on you making you horny and kissing your neck until he left hickeys. But Namjoon wouldn’t want you to regret anything the next morning so he delayed your first time to when you’d be sober. “You don’t want to be drunk on your first time, just call me when you want. Or should I call you?” 

Originally posted by seokkuk

Yoongi: Yoongi and you were these kind of best friends who spend all of their time together. Once the two of you were taking a nap over at his place. Having a light sleep Yoongi cuddled with you. He always acted like you were his girlfriend. You thought he was still awake and told him “if I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you”. Yoongi would wake up totally confused and look at you. He’d hug you tight from the back and kiss your neck saying: “Y/n, is it that obvious that I have a crush on you?” Still being sleepy he’d unhook your bra under the shirt of him that you wore. Rolling you over he kissed you multiple times. Astonishing your now fully naked body he kissed you again. “It won’t hurt, I promise”

Yoongi when he wakes up confused:

Originally posted by amayskpoparchive

Hoseok: You and Hobi were at a club going crazy and dancing like there’s no tomorrow. That was the moment you fell for him, his cheerful and happy personality and -we’re not gonna ignore this- of course his handsome looks. When a sexy R’n’B song played you decided to dance seductively. Hobi was left with surprise as he joined you and the tension started to grow until he kissed you in the middle of the dancefloor. Hobi started to giggle like a little kid deciding to go home with you. As you made out on his bed you said. “If I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you.” He’d smile really brightly feeling honored to take your virginity as he slowly unclothed you.

Hoseok seeing you dance:

Originally posted by sugabeats

Taehyung: You guys were friends but had secretly feelings for each other. You were totally in love with him but your lack of experience made you self-conscious. One day Tae was bragging about fucking this girl just to make you jealous. Your reaction to it had him SHOOK. You just said “if I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you” as a response. Tae would need several moment to realize what just happened but once he did he’d confess.”I’m sorry for being such an cocky asshole but that was my way to make you jealous. I actually have a crush on you and it’ll make me really happy to fuck yo- I mean take your virginity.” You just laughed and kissed him. He’d pick you up like a bride and carried you to his bed.

Tae being shook because of your response:

Originally posted by cutae-hyungie

Jimin: All the other member knew about you being Jimin’s crush and tried to set you up. They invited you over to a house party. Everything went fine, you talked with Jimin the whole time, until Jungkook suddenly shouted:”LET’S PLAY TRUTH OR DARE”.. Namjoon called your name and you chose truth. “Who out of all the people here would you have sex with?”. You answered honestly with “if I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you, Jimin” looking at him. He was blushing and smiling happy. Next Hobi dared Jimin to spend 30 minutes with you in his room. Arriving there he confessed to you. “I’m so sorry it had to happen like this. The other’s tried really hard.” he said. “Well it worked and by the way we have still 20 minutes left.” you smiled sheepishly. Being confident he kissed you slowing unclothing your body.

Jimin when you said you still have 20 minutes:

Originally posted by bwipsul

Jungkook: Kookie asked you out on a date after crushing over you for a long time. You were out walking around the city after having a drink. He was leading you to his favorite spot on a hill where you could see the stars and the whole city shining. You were sitting on a blanket his arm around you. You talked about so many different things until he asked you if you’ve ever been in a serious relationship. You answered with yes but admitted being a virgin. He was surprised because you seemed quite mature.“But actually if I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you” you said. Jungkook would turn into JungSHOOK before acting really cocky. “I mean if you’re up to it..” You’d kiss. First slow but then it turned into a real make out session. He slid his hand up your skirt grabbing your ass. “We probably have to do this an other time unless you want to lose your virginity in a place were people could easily see us.”

Jungkook being cocky:

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid

So this took quite a long time hope u enjoyed it!

Foreign

Plot: Jimin always thought his traditional Korean girlfriend was perfect – that was, until he realized how beautiful foreigners could be.

Pairing: Idol!Park Jimin x Backup Dancer!Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Notes: I based this off of every single MTL I have seen of BTS dating a girl of a different race or a girl of color – Jimin always seems to be one of the people who were least likely to date one. I definitely do not think that Jimin is this ignorant in any way. This is only a work of fiction. This is for all the international beauties! 2,536 Words

Originally posted by bwipsul

“Oppa, I’m missing you so much!”

“I’m missing you too, my love. Don’t worry, I’ll be back in a few days, okay?”

One of the worst parts about tour was leaving lovers behind. For Jimin, it wasn’t only his lover, it was his home. He enjoyed tour, performing for all of the ARMYs around the world, going on stage; but he wasn’t a huge fan of being in a foreign country. He didn’t know English that well, and he wasn’t fond of being in a place where he couldn’t understand anything. 

“I know,” The soft voice of his significant other brought pink to his cheeks. “Call me when your rehearsal is over.”

“I will, I love you,” He glanced at the leader of his band, who was calling him over.

“I love you too.”

With that, he had ended the call with a sigh, and headed over to his band. It hadn’t even been a few minutes since he cut the call, and he was already missing her – a thought he had experienced after each long-distance conversation with his lover. The short male shook his head and got his head back in the game, his eyes going up to meet a group of people dressed in black.

“This is your dance crew for this city,” The manager announced to the band. “Not all of them know Korean, so if you have an queries, just talk to Jihoon. He is the leader.”

“We understand.”

Once that brief introduction was done, they were all left to their own devices for a few minutes, whilst the leader of the dance team talked to the leader of the band. Jimin had let himself scan over the people he would be working with; not that he would talk to them, he was just curious and bored. Most of them had masks on – no one had really caught his eyes, except for one person. 

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It’s a [Tinder] Date! (Part 3/3)

Summary: Thinking he needs to find a date, Natasha signs Steve up to Tinder. In Queens, Peter Parker does the same to you. It’s a match!

Word Count: 3,405

Part 1 Part 2

A/N: Almost a month later, but this fic is officially done :D I hope you all enjoy this fluffiness. 

Originally posted by mackievanstan


Work managed to distract you enough to not keep looking at the clock every five minutes. Despite part of your brain telling you that there was no way you had a date with Captain America, there was another part that couldn’t help but to hope this was true. And so, you found yourself daydreaming of showing up to the restaurant and seeing him there. What would you even say to him? What kind of greeting would you use? Would you address him as Captain, or maybe Mr. Rogers, or just Steve?

By the time you got home, you had a few outfit options in mind and made a beeline to the bathroom, taking a shower before you got started on getting ready.

Peter came around as you were choosing between four different outfits you had draped on your bed. He helped you picked the one that was form-fitting, waggling his eyebrows playfully.

“We gotta tease him,” he said.

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Twister (M)

Genre: Smut

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 3,009

Summary: You’d be lying if you said that you hadn’t expected a game of Twister with your boyfriend Jungkook to turn into something much less innocent.

Requested by @0bluewater2

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IDEA FOR MARK’S BIRTHDAY

Hey guys! So you know I’m fairly new to the community, and I really want to make something special for Mark’s birthday.

Mark, in your interpretation, as a hero.

Because we know he is one, in different ways. To many people, he is a hero. He had made people laugh. He had made people smile again. He made days better. He helped people make friends. He helped in so many things.

And for his birthday, I want him to know how much of a hero he really is.

Today is June 17. As of this moment, he has 17 million subscribers, 17 million people he calls as his heroes. If you see that shirt sleeve with hearts? He calls you as a hero. He’s a hero too. He’s the leader of this wonderful community, and

I want to see all of your interpretations of him as a hero too.

Draw him in your own interpretation of his suit/costume. Write about the superhero Mark, or that Mark who saved you from his daily videos. Crop him or photoshop him as your favorite hero, Marvel or DC, or even other comics. Make gifs or animations. Quotes that he has said, pictures of him, so much can be done! Just show him as your hero.

And I want to see all of them, so tag it in #MarkIsAHero! It’d be awesome to show him for his birthday!

(If anyone is on-board with me, we could also do a “T minus 10 days” series of whatever-you-want for the birthday guy, where we countdown to his birthday ‘Blast off to space’ kind of style.)

Vive el Momento (Smut)

MASTERLIST

Requested: No, but @illuminateshawn and I live for drunk, festival Mendes in that red shirt from Amsterdam.

Word count: 4,947

“Can I have three large beers, thanks” I smiled, handing the girl in front of me my money. The sun was burning into my back, heating up my entire body slowly.

“I just love this weather” my friend Julia said. She closed her eyes, tilting her head back to fully enjoy the warm rays of sun burning in her face.

“Me too” I agreed, looking around the festival filled with drunk people having fun everywhere.

To me, this was what summer was all about; heat, friends, music and beers. Actually, going to festivals was my happy place, I loved the whole idea of just letting go and enjoy yourself as much as possible; meeting new people and staying up until the early hours when the sun rose again.

“Girl, don’t look now but that guy… he’s looking again” Julia laughed, taking of her black sunglasses.

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Best Friends and Barely There Clothing

Helloooo lovies! So this is my first imagine on this blog, and I do hope you enjoy it! I will be posting lots of imagines and blurbs etc. regarding Harry, and most will contain smut! But I will of course have writings that are just pure fluff as well! Enjoy this one!

Warnings: Smut & Language

Word Count: 3k

“Don’ tell me you haven’t thought about it.”

“Having a baby with you?” You asked breathlessly, your eyes falling closed as Harry began to move your hips over his bulge, causing you to let out a quiet whimper as the fabric of his jeans rubbed through the thin lace material covering your clit.

“No love,” he let out a throaty laugh, his eyes moving down to where you two were currently grinding against one another, “Don’ know why I was thinkin’ of havin’ a baby, really… was mainly just thinking about sinking my cock inside of ya, pet.”

Your eyes snapped open as the words left his mouth as you pressed your clit down against him to gain even more friction as his words literally caused you to throb at the thought, “Harry…” you whimpered quietly, your fingers now gripping onto his tshirt tightly.

“Do you wan’ tha’?” His accent was thicker than you had ever heard before as you stared into his darkening eyes, and all you could do was nod your head and let out a breathy sigh of agreement along with it. Somewhere among your exchange of words, Harry’s hand had slipped into your panties and his finger was slowly moving around your clit, but not quite applying the pressure you were currently craving; he was going to make you beg for it.

OR the one where Harry really can’t stop thinking about the act of making babies with his best friend, and he’s tired of her slinking around his house wearing barely anything.


“Would ya ever have a baby with me?” The words slipped past his lips casually, his eyes trained on you as he brought the wine glass that was in his hands to a rest on the coffee table in front of you two.

“Excuse me?” You all but choked as the words registered, the wine that was gracefully slipping down your throat coming to an abrupt stop and getting stuck in your vocal pipes, causing you to cough for a few seconds as you worked it out. Your sea green eyes flicked up to his emerald ones, squinting as he watched you with amusement, a small smirk playing on his lips as he captured his bottom one between his thumb and forefinger.

Harry was your best friend. Harry had been your best friend for almost 6 years now, and you had been by his side almost every step of his career, cheering him on and encouraging him to take leaps he was too afraid of. But you were only best friends… why would a baby together ever cross his mind? You two may have shared one or two (or ten or twenty) drunken kisses on nights when you stumbled into one another’s flat, coats being haphazardly thrown to the floor and lips meeting in a sloppy goodnight as you both fell onto whomevers bed you had chosen for the night before passing out, but that was it.

“What? Not weird to think about having a baby with ya best friend, is it?” His smirk was only getting wider as you let out an exasperated breath, your eyes narrowing to slits as you decided to place your wine glass on the table next to his.

“S'just….” he continued, refusing to break eye contact, “What if m'not married by the time I’m 30. Ya know more than anyone I wanna have kids… so if m'not married and you’re not… would ya have a baby with me?”

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Owl post

So you know how owls don’t need an address to find the person the letter is addressed to? What if these owls were even cleverer than that?

Imagine Draco, sometime after the war, sitting alone in his flat and not knowing what to do with himself. He feels so empty, but on the other hand, there’s so much he wants to say. But who should he talk to? There’s nobody there. So he just begins writing his thoughts down. Sometimes it’s little poems. Sometimes it’s like he’s writing a journal. And sometimes he writes letters, addressed to no one. He keeps writing every day and whenever he’s finished, he puts the piece of parchment onto the little pile on his desk, where he keeps all his personal writing.

If Draco had been paying more attention, he would have noticed that this pile wasn’t getting any bigger. It stays exactly the same, because his sneaky little owl delivers one per day to the person she thought could help Draco the most.

When she lands on her usual windowsill on Number 12 Grimmauld Place, the window is already open and Harry is smiling at her with a treat in his hand.

“You’re very punctual,” he murmurs as he strokes her feathers. He carefully takes the piece of parchment out of her beak and smiles as she starts nibbling at her treat. Harry suspects Malfoy still doesn’t know that his owl is bringing him these letters.

Harry had been puzzled himself at first, but it hadn’t taken him long to figure out who had written these. After that, he had tried to talk to the owl, tried to explain to her that she must have gotten the wrong address, because surely this wasn’t meant for him.

But the owl had come back every day, bringing Harry another piece of parchment and Harry had found himself mesmerized by them. The poems were heart-wrenching, Malfoy talking about his day made Harry want to go over there and talk to him. But he doesn’t dare. He would have to admit, he read Malfoy’s most inner thoughts without his consent. And Harry doubts, the Malfoy he would be facing would be the same as the Malfoy in these letters.

Sighing, Harry settles down on the couch and begins to read today’s owl post.

I had a dream last night. It wasn’t one of my usual nightmares, but I guess you could still call it that, because this will very likely haunt me for the rest of my days. It was about him. We were younger, much younger. We were on the Quidditch pitch, but not as enemies. We were just flying together, laughing together. It was so strange to see him like this. His eyes didn’t hold the resentment I am used to. He was looking at me like I was his whole world. It still hurts to think about it now. The worst part, however, was the way he cupped my cheeks and smiled at me, right before he kissed me. I could still feel his lips on mine when I woke up. I wasn’t even sure if I had been dreaming or not for a second. Then, reality crashed down on me again. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if he knew. If he had known back then. I’m not sure if it would have made a difference. All he ever did was hate me, just as much as I pretended to hate him. I regret he never saw the truth. All I ever wanted was him. And for one night, my mind granted me that wish. However, I hope it doesn’t happen again. Only if my mind decides to let me dream forever.

Harry feels dizzy when he puts the letter down. It’s true, he never saw the truth, never even knew there was a truth to be seen. He had never thought to look beyond their fighting and mutual obsession. Never thought it could mean something else entirely.

But over the past few weeks, he discovered a whole different side of Malfoy and thereby discovered something about himself. He wants to take Malfoy’s pain away. Maybe he’s been wanting to do that for a while. And now, Harry knows he can.

He jumps up from the couch and locks eyes with the owl, still sitting on the windowsill.

“You clever little thing,” he whispers to her, as he strokes her feathers one more time. She hoots happily, as if encouraging Harry to hurry up. So he does. He hurries out the door, to apparate to Malfoy’s flat. He has no idea how he will do it and how long it will take Malfoy to believe Harry’s intentions are genuine, but it doesn’t matter.

He will do everything he can to make Draco Malfoy’s dreams come true.

36″ x 48″ (M)

word count: 3.6k

genre: smut; idol!verse

pairing: reader/taehyung

warning(s)/kink(s): intercrural sex (thigh fucking) + dirty talk + come play + size kink (?)

a/n: the title is a joke about canvas size, that of which is a large size for one lmao

masterlist

Originally posted by taehyungsource

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Another from this long list of prompts, completely unprompted.

Number Ten: “If you use up all the hot water again, I swear to god! You’re on the couch for a month!!”


Stiles needed to take a good long look at his life, he decided as he dug the emergency plastic seat covers out of the trunk of the Camaro.

Reason number one: he and all of his friends kept emergency plastic seat covers in their trunks so in the event of a big bad monster exploding all over them, they wouldn’t have to explain massive blood stains to the guy at the auto detailing shop.

Again.

They only made that mistake once, and Lydia spent the night in jail three counties over.

Stiles shook out the plastic with a spiteful flourish at the universe, and laid it out over the leather passenger seat, while Derek did the same for the driver’s before sliding in.

Stiles hesitated, bracing himself.

Reason number two: Stiles was far too young to always be this sore.

He groaned as he lowered himself into the car and the plastic crinkled underneath him. His knee was messed up, he knew that much without professional opinion, but he was going to hold off on an official diagnosis unless it got to the point where he couldn’t walk on it. And he was pretty sure that none of the blood soaking his khakis was actually his, so compared to the last few big faceoffs, he was doing pretty well.

But it was the soreness, the constant aches when he got up in the morning—his shoulder actually ached with the weather. His grandfather had that problem, and even his dad didn’t have as many back problems.

Stiles was twenty-eight and there were days when a bad enough thunderstorm rolled through, and all he could do was lie on the couch and pop Tylenol like candy.

At this rate he’d be using a cane at thirty.

He yawned as Derek put the car in gear and drove towards home, letting himself drift off.

Reason number three: he was always, always exhausted.

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Angel in the Darkness pt.5

Originally posted by aestheticvbts

Summary: After a patient urgently pleads you to go and help a friend of his, you naively agree to it. Little did you know, that you would get more than what you agreed to, when he leads you to a brothel, to help a dangerous prostitute named Jeon Jungkook.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (ft. Jin, but not romantically)

Genre: Smut (M), angst, mafia!au, prostitution!au

A/N:This is a dark and filthy story! Graphic descriptions of sex (masturbating, etc), heavy dom/sub undertones, drug use, vulgar language use……(alot of smut comes in later) This is a mature read! You have been warned!

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 



The bright sunlight behind the curtains, stirs you awake from your deep sleep. There’s a faint smile stretched upon your lips, as you feel as if you’ve had one of the best naps in the longest of times. Your eyes are still closed shut as you try to flex your stiff muscles; only you can’t.

As soon as you tried to lift your arms, you hit something very hard and muscular. Huh? That’s weird. You can also feel that your legs are entangled, and something wrapped around your waist.

You didn’t mind the feeling, as you were still too tired to process things, and because it brought great warmth, but then you heard it; a faint grunt. Your eyes instantly shoot open, and you blush hard when you realize you’re wrapped up into Jungkook.

His face is mere centimeters away from yours, and his eyes are still closed shut, indicating he’s still asleep. You can feel his hot breath, gently tickling your red face, as his hair is all over. You peer downwards and see that his left arm is securely wrapped around your waist, as both of you were laying down on your sides. His long, thick legs were clumsily tangled with yours, and you were finding it hard to breathe since you were so close to him.

OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?!?!

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His || Jungkook || 0.19

Member: Jungkook x Reader

Type: Angst, Fluff, Smut.

Teaser | 0.1 | 0.2 | 0.3 | 0.4 | 0.5 | 0.6 | 0.7 | 0.8 | 0.9 | 0.10 | 0.11 | 0.12 | 0.13 | 0.14 | 0.15 | 0.16 | 0.17 | 0.18 | 0.19 |

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theragingthespian  asked:

if you're feeling it pal, supercorp and dancing. but tbh, i'll read anything you're up to writing

She realized she was in trouble sometime between Alex telling her that she had proposed to Maggie and the moment she helped with sending out the invitations—and by help she meant that she saved Alex and Maggie a small fortune on postage by delivering the invitations herself.

Or perhaps she realized she was in trouble when Alex sat her down one afternoon—many, many months after the Daxamite invasion—and told her that she needed help choosing a song to dance to.

(“Can it be ‘N Sync?” Kara had asked, laughing when Alex didn’t even acknowledge her question.

“Maggie got all the fun jobs,” she’d muttered petulantly. “Choosing venue and catering is easy but everyone’s going to judge the first song we dance to.”

“I’ll judge if the food isn’t good,” Kara had tried helpfully. Alex didn’t deign to dignify that with a response.)

Though really, she realized she was in trouble when Winn helpfully pointed out that Kara couldn’t dance.

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Some Things CAN Be Replaced.

Prompt by: @love-life-death-dd

When they got Matt back, everyone was joyous. Especially Pidge and Shiro.

A brother was returned to a smaller version of a family and everyone was happy as could be.

Pidge wasn’t as snappy, she got along better with everyone as she no longer had the burden of a missing brother.

Shiro wasn’t as stoic, and you heard his laugh more often. He’d even crack a joke or two, he was able to lighten up.

Keith of course was glad to have Shiro back, and even happier that Shiro returned in better shape than expected, all thanks to Matt.

Matt was a fantastic contributor to the team, and was a friend to all.

He tasted Hunks cooking, and loved to give him ideas on what the yellow paladin could whip up next.

Matt was always happy to listen to his little sister go on about her projects and modifications. He was proud of her intelligence.

He even became close with Coran and Allura, fascinated by their tech and stories of Altea and its past.

Shiro and the man were inseparable.

Then Matt was introduced to the Lions.

Lance hadn’t had a problem with Matt before, not a significant one at least. The guy was hilarious, and knew some of the best pick up lines.

But there were insignificant problems that the blue paladin had with the older Holt.

He was becoming Lances replacement.

In the past, Lance acted the way Matt did and was always brushed off, or received not as positive feedback.

Pidge was never interested in explaining her projects to Lance.

Keith and Shiro wouldn’t offer to train with him just for fun.

Hunk might ask for a taste tester here and there, but the Mice were requested more than he was.

Lance was fine.
It’s be fine.

It has only been a week and soon everything would be back to normal and Matt would just be another body in the castle.

Another person, just like everyone else.
But he only became more of a God as time went on.

When Matt met the lions, he had immediately been drawn to Blue.

Lance wasn’t sure why, the guy just was.
That made an uneasy feeling rise in his gut, and his blood slow in his veins.

“Yeah, this is my girl, Blue. Isn’t she a beauty?” Lance said proudly, putting a hand in the cool metal of her structure.

Matt adjusted his glasses with a sideways smile, “She sure is! Mind if I take a peek inside?”

Why couldn’t Matt have been interested in the Black lion? Or maybe even the Green lion?

Why did it have to be Blue?
LANCE’S lion?

“Uh, yeah sure, she might be a little protective though, ha ha.” Lance scratched the back of his neck and led Matt inside.

Why did Lance tell him yes?

After this entire week Lances dislike for Matt had only grown, and his dislike for himself only stronger.

Sure, Matt was better with his friends.
Sure, Matt trained better.

But Lance was one thing that Matt wasn’t, and that was the Blue Paladin of Voltron.

“Wow, the Blue lion looks different than the other lions.” Matt observed, making it to the cockpit and admiring her hardware.

Lance smiled a little, cautiously watching him. “Yeah, she’s meant for the water so I guess she does have a few quirks.”

Suddenly Matt sat down in the pilots seat, and Lance stiffened.

It was fine. It was fine.
Not like Matt could power her up anyway. Only the lions paladin could form that bond and—

“Woah!” Matt gasped.

Suddenly all of the lions screens turned on and lit up, the boys hands hovering over them.

Lances heart dropped.

“I think she likes me! Can you hear that Lance? It’s like it’s alive and purring, so weird!” Matt chuckled, and started testing buttons.

Lance didn’t like that.

Matt could take his friends.
Matt could take his friendships.

He could take his jokes and his lines and his personality and all of it.

But he wasn’t going to take his lion.
Lance couldn’t stand here and watch the boy iterate and touch his lions buttons and sit in that seat and—

“Woah, Lance, are you alright?”


The blue paladin shook his head, coming back to the present and looked down at Matt. He looked worried.

That disgusted the blue eyed boy.

“Wait, are you…crying?” Matt asked, face scrunching and he looked uncomfortable now.

Lance wiped his eyes, “Get out.”

Matt blinked, “What?”

“I said get out of my lion!!” He shouted, shoving Pidges brother. “Go train with Shiro! Cook with Hunk!”

Lance was suddenly crying harder and he just wanted Matt to go away. He was being rude and irrational and he’d be chewed out for it later but he didn’t care right now.

“I wish you were still stuck on that damned Galra ship!” The blue eyed boy shouted.

The cockpit fell silent.

Matt stood, bewildered for a moment, before his features softened. “Lance, I understand you’re upset. I’ll go, but I’m here for you if you need me.”

Lance remained stiff and quiet, minus sniffling, as Matt left the Blue lion.

The blue paladin gave it a few minutes, before shakily wiping his eyes and plopping down into Blues seat.

“God…”

Matt was even calm in situations where Lance just flipped out and made a fool of himself.

He could t think about it any longer.
There would be a lecture later and Lance could wait until then to get these feelings out again.

For now, he slept.

Yeah I know this is going back, but a lot of things in this episode always bothered me, and hardly anyone ever seems to mention them. 

One of the things I feel gets totally overlooked or brushed aside both within the episode itself and by fans,is that Amethyst was actively encouraging Peridot to make jabs at the other Gems.  It  started out as a single mildly frustrated comment about “permafusion” from Peridot and her venting about her lack of understanding,  and probably wouldn’t have gone any further, but  then Amethyst started egging her on.   

Also don’t forget Amethyst found Peridot insulting the other Gems, including Steven really funny up until a negative comment was made about her. Then suddenly Peridot was wrong, being mean, and had to apologise to Amethyst and ONLY to Amethyst (Steven got made fun of too, and at Amethyst’s request  "do Steven next!!“ ) . 

Peridot at this stage was still new to Earth social skills and what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour on Earth , so  I can understand why she was confused by Amethysts sudden angry reaction when she was doubled over laughing at similar comments made just moments before.   

 Don’t get me wrong, I like Amethyst, but I feel like she was being a total hypocrite here , and  her own blame and behaviour was never, and has never, even been acknowledged, let alone addressed.

Yes, Peridot was wrong and needed to apologise, and to Steven as well, really, not just to Amethyst,  but it wasn’t exactly unprovoked and Amethyst was in the wrong too. 

I liked the episode overall, just not how all the blame was dumped on Peridot (who by her own admission was still learning, and did feel bad that she upset Amethyst even if she initially didn’t understand how) , yet Amethyst who encouraged her to throw insults around and so escalated the whole thing in the first place , was made out to be the poor innocent victim by everyone including Steven. 

Also, getting away from Amethyst for a moment, the whole leash thing in this episode bothered me too. I can understand why Garnet would find being asked to unfuse  offensive, but Peridot didn’t, and at least tried to be polite in how she asked. Keep in mind that on Homeworld fusion is only done for practical reasons (officially anyway, the off colours prove some Gems break the rule, but its frowned on and they are severely punished if caught), and mostly that practical reason is  fighting. 

Peridot later reveals she understands and is fine with Opal because she can clearly see  and understand the practical reason for them fusing.  Peridot’s  initial discomfort with Garnet was not her objecting to the romantic relationship but her feeling intimidated because, thanks to Homeworld mentality,  she  associated fusion with violence/fighting. She’s actually fine and very quickly accepting when Garnet actually takes the time to talk to her and explain why, and that their fusion is romantic in origin, and doesn’t say another word about it. 

In fairness to Peridot if someone was hanging around me with a sharp knife  drawn and I could see no rational practical reason as to why they needed it in context,  I’d get uncomfortable and nervous too. Ok probably not the best metaphor, but you get the idea, and Peridots are not trained or meant for combat in the first place. She was probably feeling especially vulnerable from the still quite recent loss of her limb enhancers too. and all Garnet had to do was actually talk to Peridot about it. Instead Peridot was simply  tied up and kept on a leash like some disobedient animal, which would be a completely humiliating and degrading punishment for anyone, and again, no one objects  or questions it and she’s even left leashed for most of the episodes remainder. 

Apart from Steven she’s also pretty much excluded from the group for the rest of the episode too.

 This is also hypocrisy, because they are all expecting Peridot to empathise with and understand them and their viewpoint   without taking the time or effort to extend the same courtesy to her. 

 The Gems got better in subsequent episodes, but I feel like their treatment of her in this episode especially was overly harsh and very  unfair in general. 

She was not going to instantly understand or magically just know all the new rules , and confusing her by teaching her the wrong behaviour (Amethyst) was completely unhelpful. 

<sarcasm> But hey, it was all Peridots fault, and humiliation as a punishment is a great teaching tool… </sarcasm>