this has been a very articulate observation

anonymous asked:

I just read your last published ask and I'm curious what your thoughts are on the psychological damages that resulted in the boys. I know they are most likely obvious but I love your responses to topics, they are well articulated, meticulous and thorough. (Also, I understand if you don't feel comfortable talking about it as it is a very heavy-handed topic. Furthermore, I understand that this is all speculation as we obviously do not know everything that occurs and are merely observers.)

The most obvious thing is Zayn’s anxiety. He has talked about it, including his eating disorder. Zayn says that now that he’s left One Direction, the eating disorder has improved. The fact is that most eating problems are lifelong, and stressful situations may worsen their symptoms. Even now, Zayn has not been able to perform in public.

Louis has lost his exuberant joy, and has changed his natural tendency to be verbally expressive and performative. He has had to continue stunting, and to live a life that is not genuine. Plus, he has had to deal with a steady stream of public relations disasters that paint him as someone he could never be: fickle, untalented, violent, a poor parent and poor partner. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to have lived with that image.

All of the boys, but particularly Harry, have changed from naturally trusting and loving to cynical and distant, by the way that stalkers are given access to them, and privacy was never a priority. Their personal lives were used to generate money. There were no boundaries.

Harry continues to live with a legacy of the reputation established by 1DHQ. A fan on the Nolan fan forum site argued that Harry loves older women because it is a cool image. This crass, womanizing asshole is the furthest thing from who Harry is – yet it is something he continues to have deal with all the time.

Niall has had anxiety magnified by stress, and has had to deal with acid reflux and chronic knee pain from postponing knee surgery for a year. He appears happy on interviews, but we know that he has had problems with claustrophobia and social anxiety.

A lot of the behavior we see on hiatus – the cutting off of SM engagement, the reluctance to answer questions with any specificity, have to do with this history. These problems are less publicly seen, but are very much still there

errantcohle  asked:

What do you think about Adam relating Ronan to danger throughout Blue Lily, Lily Blue? The particular time that struck me the most was when they were alone in the shop together, and Adam says that after Ronan left he felt safer. I have a few ideas about it, but I'd rather hear yours :)

Adam always has. First thing we learn about how Adam perceives Ronan:

Gansey had once told Adam that he was afraid most people didn’t know how to handle Ronan. What he meant by this was that he was worried that one day someone would fall on Ronan and cut themselves.

And it should be said that to some extent, this is Ronan’s fault. Danger is an image he’s carefully cultivated, both because it seems worthy of how his father raised him (“He always said Ronan differently from other words. As if he had meant to say another word entirely — something like knife or poison or revenge — and then swapped it out for Ronan’s name at the last moment”) and because it’s a defense mechanism for him (“He started to answer, but pain welled up, sudden and shocking. The only way he could get the sentiment out was by drowning the words with acid”).

There’s also truth to it. After all, what we choose to perform says something about us. Adam and Gansey, for example, wear very different masks; Blue, for another one, buys from the same shop though from the lighter end of the line. We know there’s more than that to him and that, deep down, Ronan wishes he could show it (“The exterior of this early morning Ronan didn’t look at all like how he felt on the inside. Anything that didn’t impale itself on the sharp line of this sleeping boy’s cruel mouth would be tangled in the merciless hooks of his tattoo, pulled beneath his skin to drown”). But it’s only throughout BLLB that we really see him relax long enough and Adam finally look hard enough for them to uncover glimpses of it together.

With that said though, I think it’s worth pointing out the rest of Adam’s quote there:

“It felt safer, but also lonelier.”

If we assume Adam’s bisexuality is and always has been a known but unknown aspect of his personality—something which he has observed as a fact but which has never been articulated or been entered into evidence—and we also assume Adam’s attraction to Ronan in particular to fall under the same category, and we also assume the specific ways in which the two are very alike (and which are none too flattering) fall into an adjacent and similar category, I think we have a pretty clear understanding of why Ronan needs to be dangerous, rather than simply being dangerous as a fact. It’s almost like a generalized fear response. They are all separate truths, but truths that quickly link up with one another, and so are best all discarded. Marking them dangerous allows for that without any real processing, because things that are dangerous don’t need to be examined—because things that are dangerous are not worth examination. 

With the rent and Ronan’s somewhat improved psychological state, I would argue that the scales end up tipping in Ronan’s favor. He escapes categorization long enough to become more worth examining, and so Adam becomes less inclined to focus in on Ronan’s dangerous aspects (aspects which, it should also be mentioned, may remind Adam of his father no matter how night and day the two are) and recategorize him. The feeling remains, as we see in the church, but the reward increasingly teases that it’s worth the risk.