this had to be done (

“I would tell you that I love you even if Eurus didn’t say there was a bomb in your flat.”

Word Count: 770

Triggers: Suicide mention

Requested by @tygermama

It was just one drink after another. The bartender kept feeding them to you, and you kept drinking them. You thought maybe you’d give yourself alcohol poisoning, end it all just like that. But then you realized that the bartender might be copable, and you decided to overdose at home. You asked for the bottle, paid for it, and then got up to leave. You were stopped by a tall woman with a pained expression on her face.

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I’m back at my own house, after a lovely weekend staying on the farm and visiting with the family. I managed to keep to my soft non-resolutions from New Year’s, though I kept not having a chance to write about it in the bullet journal, which I am not really using in the intended fashion– I have just been bullet-pointing things about my life in there, but I’ve also been keeping tallies of the habits I’ve wanted to solidify.

I have sewn something every day this year, though most days it’s only a couple of stitches. I went on a hike and snagged my brand new parka on a rose thorn, and so Sunday’s sewing project was repairing that, and i had to borrow thread because I had every kind with me except black. (Amazing.) Yesterday’s sewing project was sewing the button back onto a brand new flannel shirt I got on Sunday, unbuttoned to try on, and one of the buttons came off in my hand. But I still have sewed a little bit every day, so that’s something. Mom gave me a sewing kit from the Shaker Heritage Society, where my grandmother volunteered for decades– a little pincushion, a piece of beeswax on a thread, a tiny emery cushion for needles, and a needle-book– and they were handmade by my grandmother’s best friend, who is now about 95 and still faithfully making things for their gift shop. I will treasure them forever. I’ve accidentally started filling my pencil case (which I carry so I can write in the journal) with sewing things…

I’ve also written every day, even if it was only a few words while I was so tired I could hardly see. The only thing that got worked on, of my many WIPs, was the Bodhi/Cassian thing, which has solidified in my mind at least, and it’s not fluffy like Found Cat at all, but I did just last night figure out a great variant on the Canadian Shack trope that I can use. And having it be entirely from Bodhi’s POV means that Cassian’s secret-agent-ness gets to be delightfully creepy and slow to reveal. I hope. We’ll see, it’s still pretty nebulous. 

snippet!

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requests are CLOSED. in fact, i think they’ll be closed for a WHILE. in my opinion, i think i should go on break untiiil… at LEAST next week ono give myself a bit of a rest, y’know?

iiin other news, my birthday is tomorrow! woooo! :D i’m gonna be 16. ain’t that neat? i’ll see if i can draw something relating to it, but if i can’t, well- ehh. XD

youtube

anyone wanting to start digital art for the very first time, I made this. Sorry my mic is a bit off but i tried guys.

‘Music Shuffle’ Tag Game

Rules: Put your music on shuffle, list the first 9 songs and your favourite lyrics from each. Then tag 9 other people to participate!

i was tagged by @scottryder thank you so much !!

Blue Jeans - Lana Del Rey

You went out every night
And baby that’s alright
I told you that no matter what you did I’d be by your side
Cause Imma ride or die
Whether you fail or fly
Well shit at least you tried.
But when you walked out that door, a piece of me died
I told you I wanted more, but that’s not what I had in mind
I just want it like before

——–

Two Weeks - FKA Twigs

Feel your body closing, I can rip it open
Suck me up I’m healing, for the shit you’re dealing
Smoke on the skin to get those pretty eyes rolling
My thighs are apart for when you’re ready to breathe in
Suck me up I’m healing, for the shit you’re dealing
Hi, motherfucker got your mouth open you know you’re mine

——

Till Dawn (Here Comes the Sun) - The Weeknd

Well here comes the sun
And you’re in my arms
And my denial keeps me on the edge of the chance
That you’ll stay through the night

—–


Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene - Hozier

Leash-less confusion I wander the concrete
Wonder if better now having survived
Jarring of judgement and reasons defeat
The sweet heat of her breath in my mouth I’m alive

——

Six Feet Under - The Weeknd

She don’t depend on anybody
Know just what to do with her own body
Counting all that money like a hobby
She don’t give a fuck about nobody

—–

Somebody Else - The 1975

I don’t want your body
But I hate to think about you with somebody else
Our love has gone cold
You’re intertwining your soul with somebody else

I’m looking through you while you’re looking through your phone
And then leaving with somebody else
No, I don’t want your body
But I’m picturing your body with somebody else

——-

Lonely Star - The Weeknd

It seems like pain and regret are your best friends
Cause everything you do leads to them, right, right, right,
But, baby, I could be your best friend
Baby, I could fuck you right

Baby, you can have it all
Baby, you can have it all
Baby, you can have the cars, the clothes, the jewels, the sex, the house
Baby, you could be a star, oh yeah

——-


Hatefuck - Cruel Youth

I don’t even know you
You don’t know me when I’m not high
Boy you’re only as good as the hole in my skirt
And the bruises on my thigh
Walking in circles til I wear out my living room rug
Carpet burns on my elbows
The marks on your neck
They the trophies of our love


——-

Outside - The Weeknd 

Wish you can see you through my eyes
Ooh I’m tellin’ you this ain’t the same
And I know he’s still in your brain
I’m ‘bout to burn that shit into flames
Once I’m in you
Baby

——

(why do i have to tag nine people smh…) hmm i’ll tag @utheneraaa @hubologists @theathenanebula @susurrusilous @zydrune @saintlavellan @vulcanbangs @choosyfruit annnnd @cdralenko but if you don’t want to do this you don’t have to !! 

Sometimes, I think about the people I met in Alaska.

And I wonder a bit that things went as well as they did; some of those people were terrifying. 

And then, I remember that I fit in there. That those people thought I was weird and cool–and potentially scary–enough, that I was respected.

It’s a pretty wild thing to remember.

People are so negative these days, in every aspect of life & even entertainment, setting too high expectations on everything & everyone.

I think I need a break from it all, least for a couple days, maybe more. Changes are upon me at work as of next Monday, high expectations being settled on my shoulders.

I need to adjust to that & my new responsibilities. I’ll be back though, I just need a little rest. Need to figure out how to best prepare myself.

See you all soon 🍀