this got bigger than i though

Bedtime selfie from Feb 4, 2017 (from instagram)

 Recently a couple of trolling 💩 s found their way onto my Instagram and felt the need to post negative comments about my looks on a few selfies with empowering messages attached to them. 

And we’ll, those turds got what they wanted, I tried not to let them win but they did. I even took down the pictures including one that Chris Hemsworth’s brother in law liked- now why in hell did I give creeps on the internet so much power?! The answer is I don’t know. I have fought very hard to love and accept myself as is and not need other peoples approval but the truth is that those kind of words still sting- even from strangers. I don’t want to let them win though. I want the acceptance of myself to be bigger and stronger than their tiny turd words. I know I am beautiful. Even right after my relaxing bubble bath with no makeup and crazy hair. I’ve got it going on and the only people who can’t see that are beneath me and not worth my time. 

And because of that, I am going to share more selfies on instagram, and on tumblr because even though I feel like I’ve gotten to a place where I have accepted myself, there is a certain self-consciousness still attached to me so this is part of my empowerment (it’s why I’ll be blogging more personal stuff in general too-I’m working on putting myself out there in baby steps.)

So, I got a Pip-Boy mug

and I was, like, “cool, it’ll be like a normal coffee cup that’s kinda jank lookin’, but I’ll love it because of course.” 

When I unwrapped it and saw how big the box was– huehuehueueue

I don’t know if you can tell how big it is but

It’s bigger than my Pip-Boy 3000! How much coffee does Todd Howard want me to drink?! Huehuehue owu

It’s pretty rad, though. 

the thing for me is that even if i’m wrong about the 4th episode, i feel like that’s going to be easier to process than if i hadn’t had anything to fall back on on sunday. the grief won’t be as potent, and i’ll be able to deal with it more rationally, though i’ll probably still be living in the pit of despair for a while afterwards. at this point, i’ve got nothing to lose, and the pros of having fun with the tinhatting (for the last time ever) are bigger than the cons 

3

Quantum Destabilizer!

1. Relatively happy with the final paintwork. Doesn’t quite have that weird teal sheen though. Darn parallel universe materials / overlay textures, so difficult to replicate
2. That little Bill-shaped crosshair is still my favourite detail. What a fashion statement
3. The muzzle light isn’t exactly visible to outside but I needed to know that it’s there

Jesse Lee Soffer killed it in this episode!! I have no adequate words to describe his talent and depth as an actor. He was amazing tonight and even though I don’t know him, I’m proud of him. I’m proud of him!

And to all you complaining at the lack of linstead, screw you. Any bigger of a linstead scene than we got at the end would have overshadowed Jay’s story. Not because it would have been better but because that’s all everyone would be talking about instead of Jesse’s awesomeness. I’m glad it was as simple as “I’ll see you at home”.

FE Heroes: Choose Your Legends Poll Trivia

Excellus was the lowest ranked Awakening character (476th with 254 votes), still beat out Mordecai (250) and Kieran (246)
Ignatius is last amongst Fates characters (516th with 214); still ahead of Bartre (159; he’s also 555th and I have him in Heroes)
• 666th = Boah
• 420th = Dew
• 69th = LASLOW, HOW FITTING
o Soleil is 68th, beating her father by 46 votes
Glade was dead last, with only 17 votes. I’m sure all 17 of his fans are devastated
• Between all my incognito tabs I may honestly be the reason Brady cracked 1,000 votes (though only by 40)
• First character whose position on the list is a bigger number than the number of votes they got is Elice (396th with 392 votes)
• Lowest ranked character whose name I recognize is Gareth, and that’s only cause of all the porn
• Lowest ranked character who I have in Heroes already: Palla (642nd with 96 votes, though I suppose that’s cheating since that’s for her Gaiden entry; her SD entry is a more respectable 344th with 524 votes)
Cannas beat Grima. You go, dude
Female Kana is 99th; her male counterpart is 191st
Emmeryn got only 1,325 votes
o She was reportedly a strong contender in the early days of the poll, but then her popularity seemed to fall off a cliff
• I’m surprised by how well FE7 characters did. 9 in the top 100, and another 23 in the 101-200
• Most popular female (Lyn) got almost 50% more votes than most popular male (Ike)!
• Was there a 4chan raid or something cause Dorcas has no reason to be as high up as he is, good for him though
Xander beat Ryoma
o Ryoma beat Hinoka
HINOKA BEAT SOREN
 EAT SHIT SOREN
Masked Marth got 5,420 votes; their true identity (Lucina, of course) was born on 4/20
o Also das da weed # B)))
Kaze got 4,069
o If only he had 38,000 more votes
• The character whose vote count was closest to the year their game came out was Nah, with 2,003 votes. Awakening came out in Japan in 2012, so that’s a gap of 9
Kellam is 135th, surprisingly, beating out characters I expected to rank higher, like Gerome (149th) and Sully (144th)
• Ties (with the one ranked higher listed first:
o Orochi/Lloyd (1,617)
o I realized these weren’t that interesting so that’s the only one I did
Annas, in order of popularity: Awakening (35th), Fates (57th), SD (216th), RD (345th), and Mystery (445th)
Camilla and Hector’s ranking and vote #s can both be spelled using only the digits 2, 5, 6, and 7
o Hector is 6th with 26,557 votes
o Camilla is 7th with 25,766 votes
• It was I figured that one out that I realized I should make a post about these
Chrom (8th) beat F!Corrin (9th) by over 4,000 votes (23,803 vs 19,599)
• Biggest sequential gap by # of votes: Lucina (2nd) is 9,004 votes ahead of Ike (3rd)
• Biggest sequential gap by % of votes: Lucina (2nd) got 26.58% more votes than Ike (3rd)
o (I thought I’d find it on the losing end of the list, but those are all clustered pretty tight)
• Smallest sequential gap in the top 100: Sophia (90th, with 3,150 votes) vs Caeldori (91st, 3,149 votes), a gap of 1 vote
o Other small gaps: Cherche/Ayra (9 votes), Charlotte/Jaffar (4), Lot/Amelia (4), Azura/M!Robin (48, but they’re 15th and 16t,h respectively, so for them to be almost tied that far up is rather significant IMO)
o Leo, Henry, and Dorcas (19th – 21st) are also all within 100 votes of each other
Fates returns/expies vs originals (spoiler: originals win in each case)
o Owain (37th) beat Odin (87th)
o Severa (47th) beat Selena (61st)
o Inigo (63rd) beat Laslow (69th)
 Once again, lol
o Tharja (4th) beat Rhajat (105th)
o Cordelia (14th) beat Caeldori (91st)
o Gaius (27th) beat Asugi (269th… ouch)
• 22nd (Nowi) through 27th (Gaius) are all Awakening characters
• Hoshido vs Nohr!!
o Xander (42nd) narrowly beat Ryoma (43rd)
o Camilla (7th) beat Hinoka (44th)
o Takumi (18th) narrowly beat Leo (19th)
o Elise (30th) beat Sakura (40th)
o Winner: Nohr!
• I need to go to bed so I’ll reblog this tomorrow if I find anything else interesting

Gift for the lovely @unu-nunu-art

Since I met her at a Convention we had lots of fun and craziness and awesomeness and I absolutely love it. =^3^=

Just had to sent her some drawings as a little thank you for being awesome (and it got bigger since I didn’t have that much time between finishing 3 cosplays in short time and full time job and much happened in between both images. ^.^)

Have some cutie sketch of Ink and Error that I also sent her. ^.^

Funny though is that I know more about Cat’s Cradle than her (even though I’m not in practise anymore since I was a kid), so I try to help her with playing it.

Also on a last note I found an older picture of Error. And what does he do? Playing Cat’s Cradle! Fits right into this post I guess! XD

Error Sans by @loverofpiggies

Ink Sans by @comyet

MABEL AND WENDY’S FACES HERE THOUGH. 

*Dipper playing the tuba*
Mabel: (thinking) be a supportive twin be a supportive twin

Wendy: (thinking) holy shit he’s bigger nerd than i thought

Dipper: well, what did you guys think?

Mabel: I support you bro-bro! Follow your tuba dreams!

Wendy: Yeah, you got those tuba skills man

Dipper: Great, because I have a rendition of Disco Girl I wanted to play for you. 

This spirit is showing off quite a lot, flinging things about poltergeist style to weaken Jack. He’s yet to draw his sword though.

Do you think Jack is immune to evil possession? I’d imagine so with the exposure and symbiosis he has to a divine sword.

Oh man if it’s trying to suck his soul out it’s got a bit of a bigger meal than it expected. That’s one of the most fun concepts I can imagine, soul or magic draining beings who are like “Time to chow down” only to realise they can’t consume all of their chosen target and then become terrified. Tell me about your favourite shows/games/etc where that’s happened.

Welp, looks like Jack’s been vored. It was only a matter of time.

And now he’s in the soul pit. How’re you going to work your way out of this one? I do so wonder indeed.

Karsuno Members React To: A Gender Swap Spell.
  • Hinata: Wahhh what are these???
  • Kageyama: Boobs, dumb ass. Wait why are yours bigger than mine??
  • Daichi: Did my thighs seriously got bigger? Wtf
  • Sugawara: *Whispers* Lord yes they did..
  • Nishinoya: Asahi-san! Jump!
  • Asahi: B-But why?
  • Nishinoya: Just do it!
  • Tanaka: DAMN I LOOK HOT.
  • Asahi: *Jumps*
  • Nishinoya: Yep, as I though Asahi has the best boobs.
  • Daichi: I will disagree, Yamaguchi's are the best.
  • Yamaguchi: TSUKI PLEASE STOP STARING.
  • Tsukishima: I'M STARING BECAUSE BARELY ANYTHING HAS CHANGE HOLY FUCK.
  • Sugawara: Tsukishima may have small breast, but he, well rather she has nice long hair.
  • Hinata: Yeah! I wanna grab onto his hair and swing around!
  • Tsukishima: If you touch my hair I will send you to hell.
  • Kageyama: Already in it.
  • Yamaguchi: STOP STARING AT MY BREAST.
  • Ukai: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME. WHO PISSED OFF THE WITCH.
  • Everyone But Hinata: Hinata.
  • Takeda: I think you look quite nice, everyone. ^_^
  • Yachi: AS IF I DIDN'T HAVE BOOBS ALREADY, I REALLY HAVE NONE.
  • Kiyoko: Well this is a load off my back..
  • Tanaka+Noya: KIYOKO-SAN STILL LOOKS HOT.
  • Daichi: WHY IS MY CHEST FLAT, BUT MY THIGHS GET BIGGER. THIS IS BULLSHIT.
  • Bonus: Nekoma's reaction.
  • Kuroo: Welp time for another pract- What the hell.
  • Yamamoto: MY TWIN LOOKS HOT-
  • Tanaka: I KNOW RIGHT? I'D BANG ME.
  • Kenma: Why is.. Everyone.. Gender swapped-
  • Hinata: *Runs at Kenma and jumps in front of him* KENMA-SAN HELP-Kenma-san are you okay?
  • Kenma: *Passed out from boob flash.*
  • Kuroo: I have the most awkward boner right now.
  • Everyone: KUROO NO.
  • Kuroo: Kuroo yes.

curiositykilledthefaux  asked:

I'm not sure what to think about Itori. Part of me hopes she has a bigger role than I'm anticipating. Even if she doesn't, I need more of Uta and Donato in my life. The tidbits we got from them this chapter line up my predictions for their personalities and motivations, though it was only a tease. I'm unabashedly giddy about it. The two have so much potential, and there's nothing like good ol' clownish chemistry to bring fun back to this manga again. Furuta's lovely face helps, too.

And at that moment, every fangirl’s pants dropped and they became as wet as the Niagara Falls.

Yeah, I burst into laugher when I saw his face. He is King Dochecunt, Lord of Edgecrest and Switzerland, First of His Name, Maker of Memes, Protector of Unrest, Defender of Fort Concretestan and Ward of the Failed Ones. One can hate him, but he is the greatest meme factory there is in this manga. 

But back to your actual comment, I am just as unsure as you are. But why would Ishida never include her properly into the storyline at all if she would be only useful for the later plots? I mean, I could understand the reason vividly with Gori because no matter how much I like her, she doesn’t play an integral part in the story or for any character for that matter, but Itori’s comments were so enigmatic in the first series but, as we later found at, so on point that I doubt that her importance ended there and that Ishida will put her at the end of Re because of fanservice, then he could have scratched her character entirely I believe. It would be really a waste to say the least. But for now I am open for anything surprising. I feel, no, I trust that her dissappearance has actually a fundamental meaning. Hopefully. I just want my bae Itori back. 

And ya, I fully agree with you there. We all waited for a Clown reunion and in my opinion, it was the only interesting bit in this arc. I can’t imagine that I have been hyped for someting besides Donato’s appearance and Uta’s respectively. 

The greatest moment in this arc, in my opinion, is undoubtedly when Donato publically and rather sadistaclly displayed his grievance for his son Amon and let partly his frustrations out on Toma.  It was such a powerful moment and such a human one at that, we saw actually a very vulnerable and weak side of him, a very sentimental side if you will. That’s why I found this comment of his rather ironic. 

What a liar. But oh well, I never said Donato ain’t a proud person, did I?

Donato, like Uta even admitted in this chapter, is at the core of everything a lonely person. Not just he, Furuta, Matsuri, Kaneki, Torso, Mutsuki, all of these characters have done or do unspeakable things in the name of fear. Fear of abandoment or loneliness. That someone like Amon was a central person that filled that void shows how much lonely Donato throughout his life was. He still views him as son, he still feels protective feelings for him, and that, that was my personal highlight. That there are no black characters, just incredibly grey. And to be honest, I could never bring myself to see anything empathetic in Donato before. This opinion of mine changed slightly to say the least. Doesn’t make his actions for naught and it shouldn’t be. I am just very pleased with him and the Clowns. 

And while it is not something entirely new, Uta’s own dialogues shade an intriguing light to his motivations. He loves the thrill and, I would argue, those bonding moments when a person fully opens himself to the other and you can watch it in its entirety, all masks crumbling and falling off and everything that remains is a naked, pink and shriveling creature, passionately laying out their emotions in its rawest form like a hatched bird. A truly grand spectacle I would argue. Bonding sounds so healthy in this context, which I don’t think has anything to do with it, but these hatchings aren worthy a few stabs it seems.

This whole arc could have only revoled about Donato and Uta and I would have been thoroughly satisfied with this because everything else… meh. And Nico… sigh, we needed more of Nico. I don’t know why Ishida brought up him only for him to end the arc. Oh well, more of the Clowns, please.

i dunno if anybody’d be interested in this, but i ended up having to cut a couple of things from the undyne+flowey post so it wouldn’t be any bigger than it already was. so here are some? outtakes?? a tiny behind the scenes post

it was gonna kick off with papyrus convincing undyne to babysit flowey in the first place (he’d been filling in for all the times she was supposed to for a while)

there were a couple things from the last comic that got cut/changed too (it was gonna take place in a dump near ebott, some place that would be kind of familiar to undyne, but it was taking me long enough to draw already, so i opted for grass instead) (you can still see mt. ebott, though!)

in the end they were SUPPOSED to just wordlessly scream at nothing “like they do in anime” but it, uh. didn’t really end up that way. but u are still free to imagine undyne and flowey screaming into an open field dragonball z style because it’s 100% floweypot canon and definitely happened at some point

Random reaper76 musings

I like both Jack Morrison and Gabriel Reyes as characters. They are both very interesting and pretty similar, even though they are coming from very different places and they hold very different views of the world.

Ultimately I think they both got run over my the world and how there are things so much bigger than one man.

Gabriel Reyes didn’t believe enough. He got too pessimistic, too worn out, and his willingness to solve things with force disrupted his carreer path. He didn’t advance like he thought he would, and his world view was shattered. One man couldn’t move things as fast and as efficent as he thought he should, and he was tossed aside, hidden away and forced to realize the rest of the world didn’s share his views.

Jack Morrison believed too much. He fought to reach the ideal, to bring people together and work for the better tomorrow. He tried his best and gave his all, but in the end that wasn’t enough. Not enough people shared his beliefs either, he wasn’t able to reach everyone, and Overwatch fell while under his command. Perhaps something as pure and good as Overwatch was doomed to fail anyway, from the very beginning and no matter what. He lost his ideas, his friends, his family, everything he had worked for. He as just one man, against powerful organization and the judgment of the public.

They were both broken out of their own worlds, from just soldiers into commanders and then further, put right before the eyes of the whole world.
I think there was a moment for both of them when they had to realize that they were not going to have it all; on one scale there was the glory and saving the world, and on the other the future with the love of their life. For the both of them there was a moment when they realized they were never going to buy a house together and get a dog, that future slipped through their fingers without them even noticing.

And now they are both nameless and alone. How did they end up where they are? Everything happened so fast, life was too sneaky, the world is powerful. And still, in their own ways, they are still trying to move it.

The Mechanic and the Sith Part 3

Fandom: Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Reader

Warnings: None yet

Author’s Note: Sorry that it took so long to get this up–apart from being sick and then writers block, it has been a long week with writing. Hopefully I will be able to get the next part up sooner than later!

Part One 

Part 2



Working for Kylo Ren has it’s perks; you got a bigger room with it’s own private bathroom (even though it was small), you were given a new uniform–basic black, a hat to protect  your hair from grease, and a new pair of gloves. And so far, that’s where all the perks end. Kylo made sure you didn’t have time to twiddle your thumbs and would find even the smallest task for you to do. By the end of the day you found yourself only wanting to eat, bath and sleep–no real time for yourself. This must be punishment for acting the way you did and he was getting joy out of it.

It was almost the end of the day of your first week of your new position, you just had a droid to fix and then it would be a early night. Your heart leaped in your chest as you screwed in the final bolt; you can almost hear your quarters calling to you. Finally! An evening to yourself!

The droid beeped in thanks before rolling off in the other direction. You watched it before standing up to your feet when you heard a big boom coming from Kylo’s control room. The droid beeped in fear as it rolled the opposite direction in high speed. You felt the excitement starting to melt away as your body slumped. Slowly you walked towards the control room, Stormtroopers watching you in sympathy as you walked by.

You peered into the room with annoyance but what you saw made you freeze. Usually armed with a his saber, it was tossed aside on the ground as he used his own hands to punch through the controllers and pull out the wires. You stood there watching him; for the first time you were afraid of him. He reminded you of an animal ravaging in a carcass of it’s prey. You knew you should run but your feet were stuck to the ground and you couldn’t look away. Finally he stopped as he leaned over the panels to catch his breath. You took your time to slowly walk into the room not understanding why your feet were walking forward.

“What?” He growled breathlessly through his mask.

You stopped and noticed that he was holding his arm as red seeped through the black clothes and through his gloved fingers. Biting the bottom of your lip, you took another step toward him.

“You hurt yourself.” For the first time your voice wasn’t harsh as you spoke to him, which caused him to lift up his head a bit. “May I take a look at it?”

Kylo stood still for moment, his hand still over his wounded arm. With sudden swift move he turned toward you making you take a step back in surprise. With a single nod of his head he walked over towards a chair and sat down. He didn’t want to be seen in this state by anyone, you knew that much, but you wish he could swallow his pride and take him where there was more light. But you knew there was no use arguing with him.

After you found the first aid kit, you turned around to see that Kylo had taking off his helmet along with his signature cloak and gloves. As you knelt down in front of him he looked to the side to avoid eye contact with you. For a moment you couldn’t help but stare; up close you had to admit that he was pretty good looking. Why does he wear a mask? You had to wonder.

You pulled your eyes away from his face and looked down at the task at hand; his knuckles were bloodied from the punches he delivered and you winced as you discovered a small gash on his right arm as you pulled back his sleeves.

“What had gotten into you this time?” You said in a low voice. You glanced up at him and saw that his eyes had darken. He didn’t look at you or say anything, but you knew that his mind was on something.

You went back to treating his hands and arm, cleaning up the wounds before wrapping bandages around them. The gash in his arm was not as bad as you feared  so you were glad that you didn’t have to talk him into going to the medical ward.

“Can you flex your hands ok?” You looked at him once again as he looked down at his hands making a grunting sound.

In this instance you saw him in a new light–his eyes spoke more than he ever did to you, he had his inner demons that he was fighting with everyday and the only way to get them out was to destroy anything he can get his hands on. That was your guess anyway.

When Kylo looked at you, you quickly looked away to pack up the first aid. Quickly you got to your feet and stumbled feeling a little flustered.

“I’ll fix the control panel right away.” You turned on your heels to walk away.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll have someone look at it.”

Slowly you turned towards him your eyebrows lifted in surprise. He was now on his feet, pulling his leather gloves on and then fastening his robe. “Turn in for tonight, I’ll need you tomorrow.”

You nodded silently before turning around to walk out of the room. For the first time knowing Kylo Ren you were speechless.

theamericanjewitch  asked:

Newtina

Send me a ship and I’ll tell you…
@theamericanjewitch

Who asks the other on dates: 
- Newt in the beginning invites her on great journeys rather than on dates lol. But seriously though I’d say Newt.

Who is the bigger cuddler:
- Newt undoubtedly enjoys cuddles. He’s shown being cuddly and loving with his creatures so I see absolutely no reason why he wouldn’t be so with Tina. And correct me if you disagree since you rp as Tina, I imagine she’s got a cuddler in her too, but she isn’t used to it? Like other than with Queenie perhaps? So maybe she becomes more used to it once with someone to share cuddles with? Also many of his creatures are so cuddly too so don’t tell me Tina wouldn’t sneak cuddles from Dougal now and then.

Who initiates holding hands more often:
- I think they both do. Newt has a tendency to grab her hand when he’s in a hurry to get somewhere even though Tina is perfectly capable of following in a matching speed. They’re both about same height and fit so they’re pretty equal on that part. I’d think Tina wouldn’t mind those times since she likes hand holding too. They both knows when it’s alright to hold and when not to as well so it kind of just happens.

Who remembers anniversaries:
- Both of them. They both got jobs where taking notes of things and remember details is kind of a part of their job. So I think they’d be both good at remembering if only because of written proof. 

Who is more possessive / Who gets more jealous:

- I put these two together because of reasons. Tina in both, but reasonably so. While Newt isn’t dull he’s awkward enough socially to just take a flirting girl for either being nice or he’s just not giving anything back. Which Tina knows and trusts. She might however tell the other girl off. So maybe more possessive than jealous, but not unreasonable. It’s not that Newt never feel jealousy though, he’s just more likely to be quiet about it or more subtly be like… Taking her hand when they leave which usually is enough for a man to take the hint since Tina isn’t going to shrug him off. If a man were to challenge him though Newt wouldn’t just back off though. He might be the quiet type, but he’s not just going to be pushed around.

Who is more protective:
- Absolutely both. Tina is quite protective because unlike the more traditional couple roles she’s more of the fighter than he is? And he’s an awful tendency to get himself into trouble willingly or not because of his work. He values other lives more than his own so he’s a bit reckless. But Newt is as protective in return and is capable of holding his own in a fight. I think especially during the second world war he’d be intensely protective however. More so than her probably.

Who is more likely to cheat:
- Neither. Neither is really the type at all. Both has been so focused on their jobs that once they finally fall in love it’s something that obviously lasts because they want it.

Who initiates sexy times the most:
- Tina maybe? A little, at least in the start of their relationship, but nah I think both are guilty of this and many times the intention isn’t neccessary even sex. Just generally being intimate.

Who dislikes PDA the most:
- I don’t think either of them dislikes it. They’re both quite decent especially during the 1920s and 30s. Hand holding, kiss on the cheek or a quick on the lips. Nothing to call the police for indecent behavior for. During the war with spending time apart and seeing so much death and destruction though I can imagine them being a bit more “come’ere boy let’s make out on this park bench while we can” XD

Who kills the spider:
- Oh neither. They let them out.

Who asks the the other to marry them:
- Newt asks Tina.

Who buys the other flowers or gifts:
- Flowers, Newt. Gifts, both? Newt likes to give her small gifts that aren’t neccesarry pricey things, but from different parts he’s been and later both of them. So by the time they’re old as fuck their home is full of trinkets from all over the world.

Who would bring up possibly having kids:
- Tina. Newt’s a bit more reluctant, but not against it.

Who is more nervous to meet the parents:
- Fuck this is so mean hahaha. Newt doesn’t have Tina’s parents to meet!

Who sleeps on the couch when the other is angry:
- In this relationship Newt hops into the case if Tina’s angry lol.

Who tries to make up first after arguments:
- Newt.. Oh he’s a stubborn bastard like she is, but he hates arguements.

Who tells the other they love them more often:
- More or less the same. When one tells the other they love them they tend to return it.

ok so
alongside discovering (which is stupid i shouldve known right) that adhd has a lot more to it than i thought
its been pointed out that Maybe sarkis might also have adhd even though i never strictly wrote him to have it or anything
bc hes a self insert like hell it turns out and well

now i feel like making an official post about it
bc i kind of makes me happy to be like
sarkis has (undiagnosed) adhd w rsd
similar to the shit ive got going on obviously
id rather not go into ridic depth about it bc i get so nervous when detailing disorders and illnesses like that but!!
im pleased to post about it out loud i think

Learning to love myself

For years I haven’t been able to love myself. Since I can remember. I was always taller and bigger than my classmates. I have that kind of bone structure. I got my dad’s physique, his family is tall and my mum and one of her sisters are tiny, but the other sister and their brother are tall. Everyone always made fun off me because of that, starting with my cousin. She was the cousin that always did everything perfectly and was always perfect, and I was the ‘black sheep’ of the family. Or the ugly duckling. In kindergarten I wasn’t made fun off, but my cousin always did and never stopped. To her I was fat, even though I wasn’t. So after a few years I started thinking I was. When I started primary school I didn’t have many friends. I was a shy kid and I was afraid of everyone’s opinion of me. I had one friend from kindergarten but soon we kinda went separate ways. I really had troubles finding friends, cause I was always insecure of what they would think of me, I was needy and I wasn’t very interested in school. In year 7 I started gaining a lot of weight. I think it was hormonal. Not sure. From year 5 to year 8 I didn’t have friends. I was very bad at school and I was really unhappy. When I finished school (in my country primary school has 8 years and after that you go to high school) I lost all that weight and I was back to my weight from year 5 which wasn’t very healthy. I was a lot taller than then and I should have been 10 kg heavier. Even then I wasn’t happy with how I looked. You could see my ribs, but I had no thigh gap and that bothered me. There was this girl from school that always had a thigh gap and she was always so tall and skinny and literally everyone liked her. I kinda wanted to be her. But instead I was bullied because I had boobs and a butt and I wasn’t dangerously skinny. In high school I would starve myself and restrain myself from eating all day, I would go to my singing class and I could hit the high notes cause I wasn’t eating and I had no strength, so I’d faint in class. A lot. Nobody was concerned besides my mum. My mum didn’t know what to do. I had a bunch of tests done. They told me I had to eat or else I’d have to be hooked to infusion. I had a bf at the time. He pushed me to eat. And I did. A lot. Too much. I gained more than I wanted. I was unhappy. I found consolation in food. I didn’t wanna go outside, let alone socialise. It was difficult. And suddenly everyone was concerned how fat I’ve become. Because Lord knows being overweight is unhealthy but not being underweight. That’s cute. Everyone wanted me to go back to my skinny self. It’s been a struggle to lose weight and to find something I like about myself. I stopped doing everything I enjoyed because I lost all my confidence. I thought no one would like me cause I’m fat.

Now I can say I feel different. I like my body. I like that I have love handles and big boobs and squishy butt. I bought a crop top yesterday. My first crop top and I feel great in it. I think I’m gonna wear it a lot. I like that it’s a longer crop top and it covers my chest and doesn’t show too much skin. So yeah. I can say I’m confident again. I started singing again and I feel free. I’m no longer trapped inside that unhappy mindset and unhealthy diet and lifestyle. My point is that it can only get better if you allow yourself to get better. Which you should, cause you deserve it. Don’t let other people insert these evil and negative thoughts inside your mind. You are your own person, you have a relationship with yourself, and no one else can maintain that relationship besides you. So give yourself a break. Go pamper yourself. Buy yourself something sexy and wear it in the house when no one’s home and take cute photos. Be carefree. Feel pretty. Don’t cover yourself because you have extra weight or you’re too skinny. Just be whoever you wanna be, get out of your comfort zone and feel beautiful. Embrace your body, because it’s beautiful.

Panda - Today at 1:49 PM
i looked at my sai file and remembered i was drawing link
Xeranarth - Today at 1:49 PM
Draw dat rinku
Panda - Today at 1:54 PM
save him

Xeranarth - Today at 1:55 PM
2flat
Panda - Today at 1:55 PM
HE HAS NO BOOBS THOUGH
he got no moobies
Xeranarth - Today at 1:55 PM
THEY’RE EVER SO SLIGHTLY BIGGER THAN THAT.
Panda - Today at 1:55 PM
FINE I’LL FIX IT
Xeranarth - Today at 1:56 PM
GOOD GIRL

Xeranarth - Today at 1:58 PM
PERFECT

softurl  inv3rtebrate  Sam/Steve is…

so is the conclusion that steve is unshippable due to his innate selfishness

No, I think he got a serious kick in the ass when Bucky came back and now Steve’s problems will never be bigger than Bucky’s problems.  In fact, no one’s problems will ever be bigger than Bucky.  Everyone else can go to underwater gitmo.

(In seriousness though, what’s tough about Steve is that I wouldn’t necessarily call him selfish?  He’s firmly entrenched in his own way of thinking and there’s a distinct whiff of self-centeredness about it, but he’s not solely out for himself - he doesn’t put himself first, it’s not about him or about his ego.  It’s more abstract than personal gratification, it’s about what he sees as fundamentally ethical and right regardless of personal cost. And since he doesn’t register the emotional toll this takes on himself, he doesn’t comprehend it in others either.  He just expects people to have the same values and be willing to make the same sacrifices, and when they’re not, he tries to accept that but doesn’t fully understand it?  Like when he says in Civil War “It wasn’t you, you didn’t have a choice,” and Bucky says “I know, but I still did it,” like, Steve is never going to understand that.  He can try to respect it but he’s never really going to understand it because he’s shit at walking a mile in other people’s shoes, and he can try to be better at it but empathy is just not an area of strength.  This does make him tough to ship because it means the other person has to do a LOT of heavy lifting, emotionally.  With Bucky, he can substitute guilt for empathy and it almost kind of works…)