this first step is admitting you have a problem

anonymous asked:

Sometimes I wonder why the Jedi's healers, doctors and therapists (if they had therapists) didn't just storm a Jedi Council meeting one day and point out the physical and mental injuries and trauma Anakin needs to heal from as well as the psychological impact of going from the life of a slave, to a member of a highly conservative religious organization. I love that in your Librarian AU Jocasta addresses this but I wonder if she got the healers like Vokara Che on her side.

I think the answer to your question is contained within the question itself: the Jedi are a highly conservative religious organization.

I’ve never been a Jedi, obviously, but I do know a thing or 50 about life inside a conservative religious organization. And one of the major parallels I see there is an absolute belief that faith and right practice are enough to ensure mental and spiritual well-being. If you are practicing rightly, you will not be affected by trauma, by negative emotions, by mental illness. If you are affected by those things, you must be doing something wrong.

Yoda’s advice to Anakin in ROTS bears this out. I’m always a bit puzzled when I see people trying to justify Yoda’s advice, because listen: I’ve been on the receiving end of that approach so many times I’ve lost count. It’s not some otherworldly, fictional attitude. Yoda’s approach to pastoral counseling (if you will) is basically standard practice in fundamentalist religious circles.

Everything feels like it’s falling apart so you go to your spiritual leader and all he does is tell you everything you’re doing wrong. You need to let go. You need to trust. You need to have faith and follow the teachings and stop asking questions. Your doubt is probably to blame for all of your problems in the first place. The teachings of the faith tell you everything you need to know. Accept them and rejoice in your suffering.

Of course the Jedi don’t have therapists. That would require admitting that trauma and mental illness exist, that they aren’t things people can simply think or will themselves out of by following the right religious steps. It would mean admitting that so-called negative emotions are normal and valid and can be worked through in a healthy way - and even admitting that sometimes they are a positive thing.

The Jedi Order, as an organization, cannot admit those things without drastically changing many of their core beliefs and principles. Much less can they admit that their own structure and practice might be potentially harmful or even traumatizing to anyone.

Okay, so, I want to point out that usually directors and producers take great care in choosing what the scene and the background look like, as well as choosing what’s in the camera’s focus.

This is the moment when Buffy tells Cyrus that he’s no different now than before he came out. The people in charge made a conscious decision to include the general audiences sign in the background of this particular scene as a way of reinforcing their statement that being gay is okay. It’s not somthing that affects just adults, it affects kids too and Disney just took it’s first step to normalizing that. Disney channel. One of the biggest kid network out there.

This is the moment that Cyrus admits that coming out to anyone else is terrifying. The producers decided to have a sign in the background stating “You miss the shots you don’t take”, or something similar. They’re basically saying to kids watching that, if you feel like Cyrus, it’s okay. This is normal. Be brave and accept all the parts of you that make you you.

Disney has been very problematic in the past and still has some problems, but this is one thing they’re doing right. Kids will grow up knowing that what they feel is completely normal. This is amazing

okay. so y’all complain about no diversity in shows, so let me throw in some details about sense8. it’s kind of a long post, so bear with me. but in this funny, fascinating, absolutely gorgeous show, you have:

  1. Nomi, a trans woman hacktivist in a healthy, loving relationship with Amanita, her black lesbian girlfriend that directly addresses trans erasure and bigotry in both the queer and straight communities while challenging the idea that you can’t be gay and trans, or have any sense of a happy relationship
  2. Lito, a gay Mexican man, renowned actor, and highly emotionally intelligent character that’s breaking the ridiculous hyper-masculine, unemotional, and chauvinistic stereotypes of latino men
  3. Capheus, a Kenyan man trying to get enough money to get medicine for his mom suffering from AIDS and literally the most compassionate and optimistic character I’ve ever seen, addressing the international issue of AIDS outside the realm of white gay cis-men and defying stereotypes of hyper-aggressive black men
  4. Kala, an Indian pharmacist and devout Hindu breaking the perception that you can’t be both scientific and religious, as well as the belief that you have to abandon your traditions and the importance of family to survive in a modern world
  5. Sun, a Korean businesswoman and absolute badass who can kick anybody’s ass and directly destroying the passiveness, submission, and domesticity attributed to east asian women 

as 5/8 main characters who are minorities. Will, Riley, and Wolfgang are both white and cis, but definitely not fully straight after multiple telepathic transatlantic orgies that they all really enjoyed. Either way, 5/8 main characters (not to mention their attached side characters from their respective countries and cultures) is still a long ways from what we usually see of an all-white cast.

Basically, through Sense8 you get this show that goes and films in all these different locations and addresses all these different cultures and challenges so many stereotypes as to what kind of characters we see and are constrained by, all the while remaining interesting, hilarious, and visually stunning. Even if you don’t care about the story you have to admit that just the filming of this show is so absolutely gorgeous. Not to mention that they also film on site and hire local actors and crews from 7 different countries in the world.

Does this show have it’s problems? Yeah, yeah it does. Every show is going to be problematic in some form or another, but this is also the first show I’ve ever seen that has this much diversity in every step of the filming process, that represents so many people and I want this to succeed because it’s the first project that tries to do all this and if gets cancelled it’s unlikely we’ll ever see this sort of representation again.

So please, while you’re adding The Get Down, Dear White People, and Master of None to your Netflix watchlist (all of which I love and highly recommend), please just consider watching Sense8. Or just keep it playing in the background while you’re doing other stuff to get those views, if it’s not your kind of show. Please just let this show live, because honestly I don’t know when we’re gonna get a project like this again. 


Joker had just pulled out a persona he hadn’t even seen as a shadow before and had used an ability with a long-ass name when he said it.

“You need proper punishment.” ‘What the fu-’you see that thought didn’t get to finish itself before Ryuji got smacked up the head by a physical attack.


A/N: After doing some writing under the cloak of darkness I’ve finally decided to post a fic I’ve been working on, and even drew something to accompany it. I have more chapters in the making and if you guys like this I might keep posting them here. I wrote this mainly because that one voice line stuck out to me and I thought it would too some of the other thieves (Ryuji) as well.

                Proper Punishment

As cool as Akira was when he was Joker, sometimes he was too- nonchalant? Confident? He was too something. Not that he was too laid back when it came to their missions, no not that he just… says some things a little too casual, with too much of a hint of cockiness, for Ryuji’s own good. It wasn’t that Akira didn’t say bold and, at times, blunt things outside of the metaverse. It’s just that when he’s Joker, he says things in a whole different tone of voice and it was starting to mess with Ryuji’s head a bit, in a way he couldn’t and wouldn’t explain.

Keep reading

Burning the undead at Happy Hour

Molotov Cocktails aren’t actually full of alcohol.

Most people might not realise that.

Surprisingly, movies and video games sometimes turn the dials down on ‘realism’.

It’s just a 'fun name’. Because War is fun.

Alcohol doesn’t burn that well; anything less than 50% is just a waste of Liquor.

The best substances would be turpentine, diesel, or jet fuel.

Unfortunately I’ve not been stranded next to an Airport fueling station for the past fortnight.

Fortunately, I’ve been stranded on top of an outdoor strip mall for the past fortnight.

Unfortunately, the dead rose a fortnight ago.

Fortunately, they’ve not been able to get up to my roof fortress, booby trapped in pigeon shit and cigarette ends.

So, swings and roundabouts really.

There’s an access hatch on the roof that leads to all the stores. At night I grab food and supplies from the 7/11 and the kitchen of the Chinese and Mexican restaurants.

But mostly booze from the liquor store. It’s got a steel gate and no windows. I’d sleep in there if it wasn’t for the moans and thumps against the gate.

Oh, funny thing. I sleep in a pillow fort on the roof. It’s mostly cushions I grabbed from the furniture store and anything else that would fit, braced and taped together. But yeah, it’s a pillow fort.

There’s nearly 400 of them out there.

I’ve counted. About five times.

Some are unique and stand out, 'main characters’ if you would. Beard guy with rebar in his chest. Old man in a windbreaker missing an arm. Poor man’s Amy Adams with bullet holes in her chest. Zombie 18th century Professor.

I’ve not burned them yet. A couple are too far, and some I’ve just grown accustomed to. Like fish.

I’ve burned a lot though. Makeshift molotovs have become my post apocalyptic hobby. I went through about six bottles before I realised high grain content works best.

Whiskey and Vodka primarily.

At first it sickened me.

First the fact I was burning something 'human’.

But then it was the harrowing nonchalance of it all.

How the couple who caught aflame would march as usual, uncaring. No screams. No pain. Just emotionless, purgatorial indifference as their flesh bubbled and skin peeled. Like a building slowly collapsing in on itself, or a drunk stumbling home.

It’s enthralling now. Honestly, I enjoy it. A lot.

I never imagined I would.

But it’s mesmerising in it’s simplicity and erosion.

Like watching a candle melt, or time lapse footage of ants on a carcass.

I time it.

I try and alternate between hitting feet, then torsos, then heads. Multiple undead burning in various areas, creating Zombie screensavers of flame and rot.

I’m honestly addicted to it.

I’m an alcoholic you could say.

Just of a different kind.


Part of me hopes this never ends.

There’s liquor in there for months.

I burn dozens a day, but the herd never thins.

The first step is admitting you have a problem right?

You all warned me.

“Don’t start @sincewhendoyoucallme-john‘s “Gimme Shelter” if you plan on sleeping before you’ve finished it,” you said. “You will be sucked in and nothing else in life will have meaning until it is over,” you said. 

I was a fool. I did not heed the warnings.

Originally posted by retrowavearcade

Totally worth it.

High School Band AU: Chapter Two

There you go, fellas! Time to meet the band buddies! I’li be back with some scenarios a little later! See ya ;)

Okay, if anybody ever asked you how you would imagine spending your Saturday afternoon, the last thing you could ever think would be having a sack over your head on this very hot room. Where are you? In a basement?

“Fellow members, we are assembled here today to confer the honor of initiation upon MC. May her voice guide us through a victory without precedents in Daykey High School’s history. May her talent and charisma lead us to a journey of paying gigs, whether in money or in coupons from the donut store.”

“Or in tepid beer.”

“Thank you, fellow member Zen. Let your wishes be granted as well. Now, may the chosen one step forward.”

Oh… is he… is he talking about you? You step on what you think it’s forward.

“Oh, chosen one, let your voice be heard!”

“I… don’t really know what you want me to say.” Your voice is muffled.

“Saeyoung, I think we got it. Just take this out of her face before she asphyxiates.” The only female voice besides yours speaks.

“But… she didn’t even drink the blood!” Saeyoung whines.

Now you know this initiation ritual apparently was Saeyoung’s idea, you’re worried about having to drink actual blood. Who knows? That guy felt a little crazy, finding you behind the curtains like a sniffer dog looking for drugs, and talking about biting you… yeah, you know it was a joke, but… who knows? The guy is weird…

“B-blood?” you take the sack out of your head.

“No! You can’t take it off before Jumin makes your welcoming official.” Saeyoung whines dramatically.

“She’s welcome, just get rid of the sack.”

“Ah, you’re no fun! Here, just drink the blood. Don’t worry, it’s wine. Actually, don’t worry, it’s grape juice. Yoosung couldn’t buy the wine.”

“I told you to send Zen.”

“Yeah, yeah, lesson learned… so hey! Welcome, MC! Are you excited to be joining us?”

“I was excited when you texted me, then you put this sack over my head and basically kidnapped me, and I’m not excited anymore.” You hear some chuckles from Zen and… Jumin? The intimidating brunette just laughed of your little joke?

“Too bad, you should be excited about joining the jewel in the crown of Daykey High School! The amazing band Mystic Messenger!” yeah, you didn’t get used to the name yet…

“It’s pretty cool, indeed. I hope you can forgive Saeyoung’s methods and enjoy where you find yourself right now, MC.” Zen says, it’s the first time he sounds serious and not like trying to desperately say something flirty… it’s pretty comforting.

“Thank you… I… honestly thought you would never want to see my face after the way I behaved. It was childish…”

“Don’t forget foolish.” Jumin adds.

“And kinda of overdramatic.” That coming from the guy who was talking about drinking blood for a initiation ritual a minute ago?

“Yes… it was a bitchy behavior. And I apologize to you all, but mainly to you, Jumin and…” you look around trying to find the other twin, but he isn’t here.

“I’ll forgive you when we win the festival.” Jumin says bluntly. Uhm… he is still pretty mad, isn’t he? So why did he even agree on you joining the band?

“The festival?” you ask curiously.

“Yes, the winter festival for high school bands! It’s so cool!” What’s the blonde’s name again? It was a pretty name… Y-Yoosung, right? Yoosung seems to be the type who gets super excited easily, usually people like this annoy you, but he also seems so sweet, totally the boy next door, and definitely not annoying at all.

“We participated last year and placed second, but things were a little different, we had a different vocalist and a different bass player.” Jaehee explains. Oh yes… V was the bass player and created the band. Which one here plays the bass now? If you had to guess… Jumin?

“And you’re counting on me to win this year?”

“Basically, yes.”

Wow, it hits you like a rock. This group of people is really betting on you to get for them something they let slip away before… they… trust you. And they don’t even know you that well… when was the last time somebody hand you something so important and meaningful? No, actually, did this ever happen before?

“But no need to feel pressured, sweetheart. We still have time to rehearse and get you ready. If you ever feel burdened, come to me, okay?” hum, the Zen’s flirty tone is back again… or maybe he’s just like this and doesn’t even notice some people can really take him seriously… are you taking him seriously?

“Yes, if she’s burdened, the first thing she would need is your constant urge to make a move on freshman girls.” A-ha! Jumin is thinking the same as you, he just puts it on a more intellectual way. By the way… why does he talk so formal? It’s funny…

“Ahem. Anyway, MC, just know we’re not waiting for you to just get up on that stage and slay, you’re talented, but you also need practice, we all do. And we will practice and walk through this together. “ Ah… Jaehee, you thought she was one of those really mean ice lady like girls, but… she’s super nice. What instrument does she play?

“Well, I’m not worried.” Yes, you are. “Progress, not perfection.”

“This sounds like an AA mantra…” Saeyoung teases you.

“Well, Saeyoung, the first step is admitting you have a problem, yours is making nonsense jokes about alcoholism.” He widens his eyes, uh oh… is a comeback coming? Wait for it…

“Yes, you’re right. Alcoholism isn’t funny.” He scratches the back of his head, visibly considering what you said. Uhm… maybe he isn’t as impossible as you thought.

“Alright then. She’s officially in…”

“She’s not, she didn’t drink the blood.” Saeyoung says, going back to what you know him for.

“I don’t give a damn about the blood. Anyways, welcome, MC. We’re glad to have you here, well, not exactly here in Yoosung’s basement, but we’re happy to have a new and promising vocalist.” Jumin says and smiles softly. Oh… he knows how to smile! Would you look at that!

“Thank you. I’ll do my best, I mean it.” Yes, you do.

“Oh, no sarcasm this time? That’s a good start… progress, not perfection, right?” what’s with Jumin and his sudden change to a nice guy? “Okay, late introductions, I’m Jumin Han, the current bass player.” You knew it!

“You already know me, right?” Yes, Zen… we all do… “I’m Hyun, call me Zen, I play the electric guitar, but I can also sing. I hope I get to do all the duets I couldn’t do with you in the musical theater club.” Don’t blush! Don’t blush! Don’t blush! Shit, you’re blushing.

“Yoosung, keyboards.” It suits him… so that means he also plays piano? How cute… you woul like to watch him playing piano one day…

“Saeyoung, your DJ, costume designer, make-up artist, lighting guy and roadie at your service, my lady.” Wow, he surely does a lot! Wait… costume designer? Shit! Your mind doesn’t even want to go to the places where you could think what kind of outfit this guys is thinking for you… lord protect you.

“You’re pretty versatile, that’s cool.” But he’s nice, and he seemed uncomfortable about that alcoholism thing, enough fighting with these people… so you compliment him, giving your most genuine smile, and now he’s the one to blush… cute.

“Yes, the only thing he doesn’t do is actually play an instrument.” Oh, this voice… Saeran comes down the basement’s stairs. He decided to join you, after all. Was he waiting for a good cue to make an entrance? You giggle with this possibility.

“Well, you know what they say, bro, one brother has the musical talent, the other one has the looks, and the brains, and the mojo with the ladies.” Saeyoung grabs your hand and plants a kiss on it. Okay… you weren’t expecting that, that felt more like a Zen’s move.

Saeran scoffs. “Then you’re wasting your mojo, she’s not a lady.” He glares at you and grins. Jerk!

“And you probably don’t have the musical talent.” You answer. Yeah, remember that thing about stop fighting with these people? Forget it, this guy really gets to your nerves!

“Wanna bet? I’ll make you a fan for my drum solos before you even notice.” Okay, so he’s the drummer.

“I’ll be too busy in the spotlight, but it will be fun to watch you try.” He scoffs and grins, did you two just set a challenge?

“Ohohoho, so much tension!This is starting to feel like a real band! I can’t wait for our E! documentary.” You laugh at Saeyoung’s joke. It’s good that he’s trying to light the mood between his brother and you.

“Wait, what about you, Jaehee?” you remember her, she’s been so quiet…

“I… I don’t play anything. I’m the manager.” Oh… interesting, and kinda disappointing, you were rooting for her to be the drummer… she looks so cool and easy-going, so it made sense in your head. But the drummer is the little prick called Saeran… ugh. “So I hope I get to manage you in the best way possible, MC.”

“Thank you. I look forward for it too.” Again, you try to be genuine and not sarcastic, she doesn’t deserve it.

“So everybody is formally introduced. Can we please get out of the basement now?” Jaehee asks, and they all oblige. Forget Jumin, she’s the real leader, she probably didn’t realize that yet…

You get out of Yooung’s basement, he wanted you all to say for dinner, but everybody has to go. Well, you would really like to stay, the food smells good, what are you having for dinner? Maybe your father bought some takeout? Yes, probably… like he does on every Saturdays.

You’re saying goodbye to Yoosung and the twins (just to Saeyoung, you’re basically ignoring Saeran’s presence)

“Are you sure you don’t want us to walk you home?” Saeyoung asks.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

“Okay, but text me when you get home, okay? It’s dangerous for a girl to be walking around by herself…” he sounds adorably serious.

“I’m sure a thug would be more in trouble if he met her on a dark alley.” Saeran says, without looking at you.

“I see you’re still not getting laid, Saeran. I hope you find some comfort on a dark alley one day.”

No comeback? Okay. The twins aren’t really inspired today, apparently.

“Anyway. Bye guys!” you turn your back on them and start walking. You know this neighborhood, your uncle’s girlfriend lives a few streets near. You can take a bus in the end of the street, or maybe you can just walk. It’s a peaceful neighborhood.

That’s what you were thinking before this guy in a motorcycle made a u turn and stopped in front of you. You couldn’t see his face, but you knew he was looking at you… SHIT!

Think, can you run? Can you scream for help? Where is your phone? Maybe you can discreetly dial the police number? They wouldn’t get here in time… screaming seems stupid, so… run?

You back away, run! Why aren’t you running, stupid? Is this what being paralyzed in fear looks like? Shit! Your legs feel weak…

“Hop on. We’re going for a ride!” that’s what he probably says as his voice is muffled due to the helmet, also, it sounds creepy enough to his image right now.

“I- I have pepper spray!” Here… somewhere… ugh! You hate to admit your father was right about letting the pepper spray accessible at any situation.

“Pepper spray? Oh, wait… MC, don’t…”

“How do you know my name?” a stalker? How did you even get one?

“MC! It’s me!” he takes his helmet off. Oh… it’s just Zen. And he looks… pretty sexy. Hold on! Weren’t you shitting yourself in fear a minute ago?

“Shit, Zen! You scared the shit out of me!” Stop saying shit!

“Sorry, MC. I didn’t mean to. Come on… I’ll give you a ride to your house.”

“Do you know where I live?” okay, so maybe you do have a stalker.

“Uhm… no? I was hoping you would tell me?” Of course, stupid! Now he thinks you’re a paranoid little crazyhead.

“I… do you have a license?”

“You don’t have to be scared, I’ll go slow if you want to.” He didn’t answer the question… but hey, you got lucky once, will you really risk yourself walking alone again?

“Fine.” You go to him, and he hands you a pink helmet. You’re definitely not the first girl taking a ride, huh? “But you don’t really need to be slow, I… I’m not scared.”

He smiles widely. “I was hoping you would say that.”

Again, this was not what you expected for your Saturday afternoon, it ended up a little better than you could ever imagine.

Chapter One | Chapter Three 

hey everybody! im going to reword this post that everyone’s getting so bitchy about and then i promise i’ll leave it alone.

so. lesbians. lesbians are great. i love lesbians. i’m a lesbian myself. being a lesbian is fantastic. wlw? astounding. wonderful. gay ladies? my fav kind of ladies.

but here’s the thing. we’re not perfect. our community is not perfect. there are racist lesbians, transphobic lesbians, aphobic lesbians, biphobic lesbians, ableist lesbians. those things are bad!! they’re problems!! but we have them in our community. those problems do exist in our community.

not all lesbians are bad!!! no no no!! no whole group of people is 100% bad. there are some lesbians who are absolutely amazing and wonderful!!! and then there are some who are not. this is something that we have to accept, in order to be a better community: we are not infallible, and problems do exist.

here is a problem that i have noticed. a great many lesbians, when they discovered other sexualities, weren’t sure how to identify. a mixture of internalized homophobia and societal heteronormativity shifted their focus to the ace community. the ace community was all, “we’ve got a lot of terms that help us break down our identity into something we can understand!” and the pre-id lesbian was like, “i guess this suits me, because i don’t really understand what attraction to women feels like so all these terms could help me out.” sadly, these terms did not help the lesbian, because they were for ace folks and not-ace/aro lesbians don’t have much use for them.

then, instead of getting angry at the internalized homophobia and societal heteronormativity, they got angry at the ace community. “how dare you have terms that make it hard for us to understand our sexuality!” then they go off and enjoy their (wonderful) lesbian-ness, all the while perpetuating hatred against ace people, who can’t really be blamed for their confusion.

this is a very common route for lesbians to take. a friend of mine took it. i (almost) took it. this makes ace-hatred (aphobia) a very common problem in the lesbian community.

(note that i am not implying that all ace people are perfect angels. remember how i said that not all members of a community are bad? that can be applied here, too!! all communities have bad eggs and good eggs. we must remember this if we are to have a nuanced discussion.)

so this is the problem that i have noticed. many lesbians are aphobic. (many lesbians are also racist, transphobic, biphobic, and ableist, but i am focusing right now on aphobia because i believe this is a problem that can be tackled separately due to the specific relationship many lesbians have with asexuality.) aphobia is not a good thing. ace people do not deserve to be hated for something caused by heteronormativity and internalized homophobia. those things are not their fault.

this aphobia makes some lesbian safe places rather upsetting. i personally do not enjoy “positivity” that is based on putting others down, and i would hope that other lesbians don’t either. but unfortunately, some do, and that makes lesbian positivity difficult for me, a lesbian who loves being a lesbian, to navigate.

i can’t really fix this problem. i don’t have any magic wands to wave at the lesbian community to make aphobia go away. so instead, i made a post about it, lamenting my loss of safe spaces because, as a lesbian, i don’t enjoy hating ace people. this, i thought, might spread awareness on this issue - or, at least, provide me with an outlet for my emotions.

this does not make me a bad or gross person. admitting that lesbians have flaws and that this is one of them is one step closer to being a better community! sometimes it’s not fun to hear that, though, but we must still make an effort to acknowledge problems. perhaps a first step is understanding that lesbians aren’t perfect, and that complaints about intersectional issues aren’t lesbophobic attacks.

thank you. i hope now that i have completely rephrased my original statement in a calm, clear manner that straight people on anon will stop either calling me a homophobe or calling me homophobic slurs all because i said something about lesbians they might not like to hear.

have a wonderful day.

Yes? (Carl-Shameless)

Request: I loved your Carl imagine so i was wondering if i can get one? A smut one?Where Carl and the reader are best friends and he’s in love with her, they had some sort of relationship. When he decides to clean up his act and go to military school, it’s all for her. So when he gets back, he finds out she’s barely seeing someone to try and replace Carl’s love and he gets jealous, and shows her that she’s all his just as much as he’s all hers

Firstly i wanna say thank you for understanding i don’t feel comfortable writing a smut about a 15/16 year old and settling for a normal imagine with a tiny bit of fluff :)


“Hello there gangsta.” Y/N said sarcastically after sitting down next to the boy  on the couch.

“Ai Honey!” The 15 year old boy  said wrapping his arm around his childhood best friend.
“Dude, seriously?” She couldn’t help but to roll her eyes. “How long are you gonna keep up this act?”
“This ain’t no act baby, this is the real me.” He said, his hair pulled back in little braids, his loose jeans hanging off his hips and a white tank top, making him look like a caricature from a cartoon.
“Well I don’t like the ‘new you’.” She said before slapping away his arm and standing up. “Not only  do you look ridiculous, it’s also inappropriate and rude.’' 

She felt furious as she walked out of the house. Carl has been her best friend for practically her whole life. And now? Now she didn’t even recognize  the boy she once knew better  than herself. 


Weeks have passed. Y/N and Carl bleary talked. He tried to, many times, but she had made up her mind. As long as  he is acting like an asshole she has nothing to say to him.


It was his birthday today. She has always spent his birthdays at his house, eating the cheapest cake from the department store and laughing at the position his dad  has passed out drunk the night before. 

She couldn’t bare the thought of this year not being with him, oh his birthday of all days. 

She walked up to the Gallanger house and knocked on the door. After such a long time of  not being here it didn’t seem right to just enter, like she used to.

’'Y/N, hey.” Fiona greeted the girl  standing in front of her. 

“Hey, is Carl home?” The younger girl smiled upat the tall brunette. 

“Oh, you didn’t hear? He went to a military school.’' 

’'When?” Y/N couldn’t hide her shock.

“Two days ago.’' 

’'Oh. Um..” She didn’t know what to say or what to do. “Will you tell him i wish him a happy birthday, if you hear from him?”

“Sure.” Fiona smiled before the girl walked away.


 Ten months have passed since Y/N last seen Carl and boy, did she miss him. 

The school was finally out and she started working at Kevin’s bar. Sure she wasn’t old enough to serve alcoholic drinks, but no one really cared. 

“Two beers.” A familiar voice said from behind her. 

“Coming right up, Lip.” The girl turned around almost doping the beers. “Carl?!”

“Hey.” The boy she hardly recognised said. He was wearing a white button down shirt and what seemed to be pants that were a part of some sort of uniform.

“W-when did you come back?” She asked giving them their beers. 

“This morning.”

“Are you done with military school?” She couldn’t help but look at the boy in front of her. Those god awful braids were gone. His hair washed and combed back, he looked like a man. 

“For the summer, yeah.” He said nodding. The girl in front of him changed a lot since he saw her. She let her hair grow out,started wearing make up and started to dress… Like a girl. She was always more of a tom boy, but now, she looked beautiful. 

“I’m glad you’re back.” She walked around the bar and hugged him.

“I’m glad to be back as well.” He smiled in to her neck, hugging her back. 

“Okay, okay. You two love birds need to stop or imma vomit my beer out.” Lip teased.

“Oh shut up and go fuck Mendy or  Karen or that professor or-’' 

’'We get it, I’m a slut.” Lip cut Y/N off making her and Carl laugh. 

“First step of overcoming the problem is admitting you have a problem. Good job Lip.” The girl patted his knee before getting back to work behind the bar. 

“When do you get off?” Carl asked once Lip left. 

“In about,” She looked at the clock, “2 minutes.’' 

’'Wanna come over?” He asked hopefully. 

“Yeah, I’d like that. We have a lot to catch up on.” She smiled just as Kevin walked in.

“I have came to safe you from the cage that is work.” Kevin said hugging the younger girl.

“Thank’s Kev. See you tomorrow.” She jumped over the bad and grabbed Carl’s hand. “Leggo.”

“Lets.” He smiled walking behind her.

While  walking they never let go of each others hands. They kept talking, like he never left. Like best friend. 


Before they realised it was dark and they were sitting on top of the van behind the Gallanger house looking up at the sky. 

“I thought about you, you know.” He said lying on his back with Y/N’s head on his chest. 

“I’ve thought about you too. I missed you.” She said turning around so she was resting on her elbows, facing him.

“I don’t want to…” Carl didn’t know what to say, how to tell her how he feels. 

“You don’t want to what?” She asked, her words soft and gentle.

“I don’t want to be friends.” He said, not realising how it sounded. 

“What?” The girl was shocked and Carl must of noticed. 

“No! No, i didn’t mean it like that.” He said quickly. “I like you, Y/N, I wanna be more than friends.’' 

’'Wh-” She  was in even bigger shock now. 

“Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?” He asked, a semi confident smile on his face.

“Yes!” She finally smiled before leaning down and kissing him.

“Yes?” Joy colouring his voice.

“Yes!’'She repeated before he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her on top of him and kissing her again. 


Request here!

Masterlist here!


AN: hope the fluffy part made up for the long wait :)


I’m in need of some guidance, I no longer know myself and it’s beginning to be a big problem. I’m robbing my own happiness, I don’t smile at work anymore. I feel like another gear inside of an automated machine that just chews and spits, repetition makes perfect, but I feel useless and a waste. I should be thankful, right? I have all of my limbs, I’m somewhat healthy, I’m alive, I can breathe with both of my lungs, I have a job, I have my own place, but what’s missing? It’s like everytime you look in the night sky and there’s always a star or the moon, but there’s also that vast emptiness that makes up the night. I feel so fucking lost. I used to write because it hurts, but nowadays I don’t know what to write about. Nothing hurts, it’s just numb. I don’t know what to feel or if I should be feeling anything. Am I lucky to be alive? Or lucky enough to feel like something is wrong? If you don’t love your life, if we don’t appreciate every second of everyday, one day when everything goes black– will I have forsaken the ones who still and will always love me? I’m not bitter, wait. Maybe I am bitter. They say that the first step to solving a problem is admitting that we do have a problem. I just feel like there’s something missing, like there’s something greater out there that I can and should be a part of. I grow weary of myself– when did I give in to such a stagnant state? Is this the fate of all mankind? To dwell on larger things? I don’t know if I’ll be able to fix this problem, maybe I am the problem. I still hate parts of myself, I’ll die in two coffins. Do you ever feel like there’s two parts of us? The parts that say you can do this and another that says you’re not worth shit. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, I don’t know. They say that when a man dies, a child is born. If I die someday, will that child be destined for greatness? That sounds like a nice thought. Kurt was right. People aren’t true. I just want to feel better, it can always be worse, right? I mean… yeah. It’s gotta get better. It has to.

Hello everyone! My name is Ish

Hi Ish!

I have a problem. 

First step is admitting it Ish. 

I can’t stop staring at these pictures of BC. 

Neither can we Ish.

I can’t get any work done.

You should probably try to, Ish. 

Have you SEEN the pictures?!

No….oh my….We don’t blame you, Ish. 


Feed your addiction, Ish.

Shouldn’t you be telling me how to get over it?!

Yes, but it’s Benedict Cumberbatch There is no cure. Enjoy the ride on the crazy train. 


Passive-Aggressive Partnership

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 @coveofmemories

Part 4


It was a wonder that anyone around Spencer could get any work done considering that for the past few hours he’d been hitting his pen against the desk repeatedly. “Okay, Reid,” Emily said, turning toward the genius’ desk after trying to tune out his noises for what felt like ages. “What’s up with you? All we are doing today is paperwork and you seem exceptionally anxious. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” he said, continuing to hit his pen against the desk seemingly faster than the fastest drummer in the world. “Just really want to get out of here today.” Yesterday had been filled the paperwork and today was more of the same, but while yesterday had been nearly 15 straight hours of paperwork and then home to sleep, today was a normal eight-hour day of paperwork and then a date - his first date in what felt like forever with the last person he had ever imagined.

Emily’s mouth dropped open, forming a small smile as she looked toward Reid. “Oh!”

“Oh what?” Spencer asked, turning his attention away from the elevator. God he wanted to get out of here. He wanted to see if whatever this thing was between him and Y/N was a one- or two-time fluke, or possibly something more.

“’Oh,’ I see why you want to get out of here so quickly,” she laughed. Once Emily said that everyone else gathered around Spencer’s desk. “You have a date.”

“Who with?” Garcia asked excitedly, clapping her hands as she sat down beside him. “Tell us all about her.”

“I don’t have a date,” he smiled, looking down at his paperwork. He knew that they knew, but he wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of admitting it. “I just want to get out of here. I’m tired. I want to go home.”

Garcia just smacked the desk over and over again. “No, you don’t. You have a date. When can we meet her?”

Finally, it was time to leave. So while everyone gathered tighter around him, trying to figure out where he was going and who he was going with, Spencer shrugged on his coat and smiled, walking away without a word. “I’m going home to sleep,” he said, purposely unconvincingly. “See you all tomorrow.”

“We have to figure out who he’s seeing!” Garcia exclaimed, turning around to everyone else. She started running toward her office when Morgan called after her.

“Babygirl, leave it alone!” he laughed.


“Hi, Spencer,” Y/N said, as she walked down the stairs  and out of her apartment building. “How’re you doing?”

“Better now that I’m out of work,” he laughed, reaching between them to grab her hand. When his skin touched hers, he felt something - he couldn’t put words to it. She must’ve felt the same thing, because she slipped her hand into his with a smile. “I know the normal first date thing is dinner and a movie, but I actually had something else in mind.”

As they walked down the street, Y/N hoped he was taking her where she thought he was taking her. There was a used bookstore up the block from her apartment building. They’d never discussed anything but work up until their impromptu make-out session, but he’d assumed she liked reading. And he was so right. “You’re taking me to the bookstore?” she asked excitedly. “I love this place, but work is so crazy that I don’t get to go that often.”

“When I was thinking about why we’ve been so at odds, I wondered if it was because we are more alike than we want to admit,” he said.

Y/N laughed, opening the door to the bookstore and getting on line to place an order. “What obnoxious pains in the ass?”

“I am not a pain in the ass, you are,” he laughed. “Those were your words not mine.” They placed an order - a bottle of water and chocolate croissant for her and a cappuccino and chocolate-sprinkled donut for him - and sat down in an armchair in the corner of the store, with her in his lap.

Y/N insisted that they were both, in fact, annoying geniuses. “I will admit that I am a pain the ass and that I’m annoying and loud, but for you, the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem,” she laughed.

“I am not a pain in the ass,” he chuckled under his breath. “And are you technically a genius? Because I have a certifiably genius IQ of 187.”

She rolled her eyes, her head falling back as she combed her fingers through her hair. “Oh, I know, Spencer. That whole ‘pain in the ass’ thing I was talking about? You’ve told me many times before how high your IQ is, presumably in an attempt to assert your authority.”

“I don’t ‘assert my authority,’” he said, using air quotes in the dorkiest way she’d ever seen. “I do have an IQ of 187. I’m just stating facts.”

“But stating facts can make you look like an ass!” she exclaimed, before being shushed by some of the nearby patrons. “Sorry. See, you got me in trouble.”

“You got you in trouble,” he laughed. “Because you’re loud.” Over the next hour, the two bickered about who was louder (her, by her own exclamation), who was more stubborn (him, although he was too stubborn to admit it), and who was smarter (he insisted that since his IQ was two point higher than hers, he was smarter, but she insisted her street-smarts outweighed his by a mile, so that gave her the edge.)

After making in through bout after bout of laughter, Spencer pulled a book off the shelf. “I have no idea what this book is or what it’s about, so I was thinking that we could take turns reading to each other and find out together.”

“For an annoying pain in the ass, you definitely know how to take a girl on a date,” she said.


As Spencer made his way into work the next morning, a Friday thankfully, his mind wandered off to what he would have described as the perfect date. They bickered like friendly enemies (frenemies as Garcia had clued him in), but they were very much alike. She came from a broken home - her father left her at a young age, so her mother was her everything, just like him. She was also an only child, started college at a young age, although not as young as he was, and wanted to further her studies eventually. They took turns bickering and reading to each other before walking back toward her apartment, where he kissed her good night and asked to take her out again soon.

“So…” JJ said as Spencer walked off the elevator. “You get a good night’s sleep last night?”

“I am so well-rested,” he replied without missing a beat.

JJ linked her arm in his and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Gonna tell us who she is?”


At least that confirmed for everyone that he hadn’t gone home to sleep - not that any of them truly believed that. 

Because of their hectic and random schedules, he and Y/N said that they’d play their next date by ear, but both were looking forward to it. When Hotch signaled that everyone needed to make their way into the conference room, Spencer realized that another date would have to wait; they had a case, 3,000 miles away in California this time. 

Immediately, the team convened in the conference room, talking idly about their night’s last night (in an attempt to get Spencer to spill the details), while Hotch went to go grab the files for the case. Reid had been running late, so he hadn’t had his morning cup of coffee. “I’m gonna go grab a cup while we wait for Hotch,” he said, leaving the room. 

Less than a minute later, Hotch returned with the necessary files and they, in turn, waited for Spencer to return with his usual cup of sugar with some coffee mixed in. All of a sudden, there was a loud buzzing noise on the table. Spencer had left his phone. Morgan was seated next to him and although he attempted to keep his eyes away from the text message on the screen, the name jumped out at him, and his mouth dropped open.

“What is it?” Garcia asked. “Something wrong?”

“Not at all,” Morgan smiled. “I just think I know who Pretty Boy went out with last night.”

anonymous asked:

Steph, I need your help. I have a crush on Ben. I know it's just a public image and all - but I can't get him out of my head. I'm suffering, I don't even want to look at other people in a romantic way. It would be normal if I was a teen, but I am in my 20s and this situation makes me depressed. I don't want to live in a reality where I am nothing compared to someone I'm in love with. I'm probably not the first girl among the fans with this problem, but I feel so lost. Maybe you have some advice?

Hey Nonny! <3

Ah, I feel ya, Lovely. Ben is that unachievable goal that we’ll never reach, it seems. I really get you on this, though I think he pleases me aesthetically and he seems like a genuinely nice person that I want to be friends with, hah hah. Maybe have a snuggle or two with.

But unfortunately reality is a cruel jerk and I am not friends with him, nor will I ever get my snuggle, and will probably never meet him – it’s sad to think about since meeting him would make my entire life, but it’s just something of a logical realistic thing I had to come to terms with. 

Honestly I don’t know how to help you get over your Ben-addiction; still suffering it myself, LOL. If it makes you feel any better Nonny, I have pics of Ben up on my wall at home and at work, because seeing his face makes me happy; I am in my mid-thirties. Do people make fun of me for it? Hell yeah, but Ben doesn’t make them happy, so I don’t care. And I know I am just a blip on his radar, and I’m okay with that. The fact that you know and admit you have a problem is the first step to healing. I guess the best advice I have for you is to try to get out and meet new people, spend some time with coworkers or friends, and step away from the Ben for a bit. Find out WHAT about Ben you like, the TRUE qualities about his character that attract you, and understand that those may be the qualities you might like in a potential partner. I’m not trying to be harsh, but your “love” for Ben is a superficial thing that will never be realistically reciprocated from him. Your “love” could actually be a manifestation of your own loneliness and desire to feel love in return… trust me on this one. Learning to love yourself, or at least find out why others like or love you, is a good way to start the healing process. And in turn, you can then offer genuine love and then see in other people what you saw in Ben.

For instance, I love his charming nature, his natural ability to be really funny, he’s dorky, and his need to ensure everyone is happy and respect for people is something to aspire to. Plus his work ethic and acting is astounding, and I find that, as someone who has a similar work ethic, very attractive. See? Nothing physical listed here (though I will be the first to admit that his ethereal beauty is SO lovely to me. His eyes, cheeks and smile. GUH), and in turn if / when I look for a partner, I now know some of the check boxes I can use. It’s not about looks, it’s about the character of the person for me. 

I’m very sorry you are suffering, Nonny. Please don’t be depressed because of a “fan phase”. It is just a phase, one that we all go through at some point in our lives and will eventually tide over once your heart realizes it needs to listen to the head for a change. If it does get really bad, though, Nonny, please do talk to someone. Sometimes hearing yourself say it out loud is enough to realize “what the hell am I doing?” and be able to carry on. Your heart is a very special thing, and one that someone who loves it in return deserves to see.