this film was actually pretty bad. but ugh look at him

Death Note (2017)

okay, so I just watched the Death Note movie and damn that shit was

WILD

so im just going to compile some small notes about how bad and how much they fucked Death Note like fuck man

Please Note: there are going to be elements of spoilers in this list so if you are planning on watching Death Note (2017) be aware (but in all honesty please dont watch it just watch the 2006 Anime Adaptation I beg you, I am doing you a solid)

lets begin

  • ok so first off, this shit is americanised so of course there is a buttload of whitewashing because if you didnt know Death Note is Japanese and set in Japan and the characters are Japanese - please. 
  • Light Yagami is a good boy™ so like how dare you make this shitty bad boy - hes doing other peoples homework please no
  • the Death Note lands right next to him - um no the Death Note lands 10 feet away from Yagami and outside his classroom stop this
  • also it starts raining right after he picks up the Death Note - spoooky
  • white!light finds some bullys who are obviously over school age and so he pulls the child abuse card on them if they were to hit him - he gets decked anyway. 
  • he gets caught with the homework and put into detention and oh no the light went out - creepy factor™ to the max - so spooked 
  • oh yeah, did i mention that this film is rated an 18 
  • so of course theres been swearing and cursing from everyone, even Light - sorry not my Light 
  • best part of the film was white!light shitting himself when he see Ryuk like yes 10/10 A++ content would watch that scene again
  • white!light also slaps himself and i wanted him to do it more 
  • theres more swearing, i mean i had to settle in for a wild ride with fucks and shits throughout this whole film, but like the anime was only a 15 
  • also Willem Dafoe as Ryuks voice was pretty cool, had a nice ring to it but anyway 
  • he goes to kill older bully because Ryuk says he wants to (obviously hes hesitant) but cant 
  • legit words from the film “i dont have a pen” Ryuk pulls out a pen “well its good you have one” im yeLLING
  • he writes older bully guys name down but oh no, Ryuk tells him to write down how so guess what 
  • HE CHOOSES DECAPITATION IM SERIOUS YALL THIS IS HIS FIRST KILL NO HESITATION JUST WRITES DOWN DECAPITATION LIKE WHO FUCKEN WROTE THIS 
  • FUCKEN GORE TO THE MAX YOU SEE THIS GUYS HEAD BE FUCKEN RIPPED FROM HIS BODY BY A TRAGIC ACCIDENT LIKE FUCK 
  • by this point i was already like #NotMyDeathNote i mean 
  • dad is introduced, but where is mother and sister - ill tell you where - non existant (mum is dead and there was never any sister) 
  • MORE SWEARING >:(
  • theres still apples tho and Ryuk still loves them 
  • white!light reads the Death Note rules (well he actually skims them but okay) 
  • comes across some scribble and sees a not “dont trust Ryuk”
  • HE PRONOUNCES IT RYE-UK NO LIE IM LIKE HOW THE FUCK DARE YOU NO ITS RYUK PRONOUNCED REE-UK FUCK YOU
  • its okay tho because Ryuk comes out and shuts him down with the correct pronunciation like yas bitch you tell him 
  • ALSO LET ME LOOK AT MY MAIN MAN STOP PUTTING HIM IN THE DARKNESS LET ME SEE HIS FACE NOT JUST HIS EYES 
  • Ryuk suggests shark attacks on the toilet as a not possible example of death - Ryuk i thought you were better than this 
  • angry scribbling of names - damn white!light is mad 
  • AND ANOTHER THING WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE HEART ATTACKS LIKE HE JUST KEPT SPECIFYING THE DEATHS - NO THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS YOU DONT NEED TO JUST KEEP WRITING THESE SHITTY DEATHS
  • you get one look at Ryuk and damn, my man you ugly im sorry they did you like that
  • okay back at school, watching the team practice and guess what 
  • HES GOT THE DEATH NOTE AND HES READING IT IN THE OPEN IN PUBLIC - BITCH PUT IT THE FUCK AWAY
  • OH BUT WAIT A GIRL SEES HIM - SHE NOTICES IT AND IS LIKE “oo Death Note whats that” AND HES LIKE “nah its nothing™” 
  • BUT IT GETS BETTER 
  • HE TELLS HER ABOUT IT AND LETS HER READ IT AND SHOWS HER HOW IT WORKS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON - MY LIGHT WOULD NEVER DO THIS 
  • I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO THIS CHICK IS BUT APPARENTLY HE DOES AND SHE KNOWS HIM SO IM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS SO WRONG - WHO IS SHE?!?!?!
  • so new girl who im sure is supposed to be Misa Misa says to white!light “lets change the world together” and so these words obviously go straight to white!lights dick because theres sexual tension in the air
  • “can i kiss you?” “youre not suppose to ask” 
  • she just fucken pins him to the wall shes making him her bitch and theyre kissing ugh my eyes hurt 
  • cut back to school and they in class and they looking at each other like they fucked 
  • then theres more kissing like fucking straight white movie romances am i right 
  • theyre finding a name for the God who will rule the new world
  • of course its Kira like what else is it going to be
  • “Kira means light in celtic” and then quickly “also its similar to the word killer in Japanese” like damn bitch i wonder why you quickly said that - oh yeah because Death Note is actUALLY JAPANESE 
  • im so fucjing done with this film 
  • but now the death victims are leaving perfectly written Japanese messages on the walls like this doesnt mAKE UP FOR YOUR SHITTY WHITEWASHING
  • news time: white boy feels special for getting lots of praise and attention for killing bad guys 
  • were suddenly in Japan in a night/strip club 
  • hooded guy is introduced - hes speaks Japanese - finally we are saved by the Japanese guy who I assume is L
  • nope L is not Japanese just speaks it just like in the anime 
  • white!light is suddenly angry as detective dad for getting on the Kira case like damn what is your damage 
  • Watari is here but he is not cute and kind looking like in the anime, i am disappointed 
  • white!lights dad talks to L on the laptop - but wheres the garbled voice???????
  • L is introdu–
  • L IS BLACK, I REPEAT L IS BLACK - ARREST THAT WHITE BOY BECOME POWERFUL WE ARE SAVED 
  • “rest your glutes” - true words from L. a real line in a real fim 
  • movie!L is just as good and cute as anime!L 
  • nope wait, he actually appears in public himself instead of a decoy - im sorry but i cant have this - not my L
  • he might have had his face covered and hooded but still - not my L 
  • WHITE!LIGHT IS RUDE - HE TALKS TO RYUK LIKE SHIT - TELLS HIM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP HOW DARE YOU I WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM FOR THAT ALONE
  • finally found out Misa Misa replacements name 
  • its Mia
  • some cops walked off a building 
  • i kind of stopped taking as many notes by this point i was just not paying attention 
  • “if you fuck this were not the good guys anymore” - what part of killing people, be they bad or not, makes you the good guys? NONE
  • L and Light meeting in a cafe 
  • L becomes a cat and pushes shit off the table 
  • “youre the one who flew into the sun, im just the one to make sure you actually burn” - yooOOOOOOO L rekt u 
  • white!lights dad dares to be killed - Mia thinks about doing it but white!light stops her - she gets dumped 
  • she begs for him back 
  • she pulls out the i love you card 
  • it works because of course it would and theyre kissing again - like fuck no bitch you tried to kill my dad get the fuck out
  • Watari is targeted, his name is written in the book - LEAVE HIM ALONE
  • apparently people can be spared by burning the page with their name on it, what kind of bullshit
  • L is angry, he is so smad 
  • L GETS PINNED AGGRESSIVELY TO A TABLE UNHAND HIM YOU HEATHENS 
  • but another fault that L doesnt really get mad, hes actually a cool cucumber im sorry not my L
  • homecoming dance - really 
  • Mia gives white!light his outfit for it and also a hat with a note saying “i have it” 
  • have what idk
  • Ls old kids home is creepy™
  • white!light is wEARING A TOPHAT TO THE HOMECOMING DANCE WHA THE FUCK 
  • it was a decoy trick wow
  • oh no Wataris page is missing it cant be burned now, WATARI IS GOING TO DIE 
  • Watari dies before he can give white!light Ls real name HA
  • Take my Breath Away by Berlin plays at the dance - beautiful 
  • oh damn Mia actally outsmarts and FCUKS white!light - she wrote his name in the Death Note 
  • nope wait shes going to burn the page to bring him back fucking
  • she still fucked him over tho
  • L is still smad, but now hes got a gun and hes stolen a cop car 
  • theres a mangled L theme going on i swear
  • smashes through a “drive slow, drive safe” sign - good one L 
  • L finds white!light and chases him on foot
  • L IS RUNNING I REPEAT L IS RUNNING 
  • PARKOUR 
  • L IS DOWN AND OUT COLD IM 
  • now white!light has the gun
  • news flash: white boy is having regrets but white girl is living it 
  • its sad™
  • OH DAMN HE FUCKED HER OVER BACK IM YELLING
  • theyre on a ferris wheel and then it collapses spontaneously 
  • oh no white boy is having major regret about everything what a shame 
  • bye Mia, bye white!light 
  • oop Mia is dead 
  • L is okay 
  • white!light is in the water 
  • some random sees the washed up Death Note and picks it up 
  • white!light is in hospital - the random returns the Death Note to him
  •  memories of dead girlfriend™
  • father just now realised that his son is Kira
  • WHITE BOY SET THE WHOLE FUCKING THING UP - HE TELLS HIS DAD EVERYTHING LIKE FUCK HE MIGHT BE WHITE BUT HE FUCKING SMART 
  • L is still smad but now he had good hard evidence and proof of Kira
  • Ryuk is laughing and says that humans are interesting 
  • and then get this 
  • IT FUCING ENDS 
  • WHITE!LIGHT LIVES HE FUCKING LIVES AND LIKE IM JUST LIKE THIS IS NOT RIGHT WHAT THE FUCK NO PUT IT RIGHT FUCKING KILL HIM YOU COWARDS AND LET L LIVE 
  • but its okay because there are “funny bloopers” in the end credits 
  • more mangled L theme
  • im now watching the original 2006 anime and all is well 
  • Death Note 2017 whats that? 
Profile Picture Not Included

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Word Count: Around 3000

Summary: The reader has been single for a while and has had trouble with dating, even online matches. But with her sister’s need to meddle, giving up may not be as easy as it sounds.

Warnings: Language

Special shout out and thank you @misguidedconqueress for always being there and helping me out!

Obviously I intend no hate or ill wishes to him or his family. This is purely just for writing and wasting my time.

This is purely for a hobby and my enjoyment. Maybe some of you will enjoy it too. I apologize in advance for any mistakes or grammatical/spelling errors. I appreciate any feedback or suggestions!

—–

Online dating… Is that what your life had come to? It was mostly your sister that had convinced you. She had been hounding you since your last breakup; trying to set you up with her friends and coworkers, scheduling get togethers and ‘forgetting’ to mention she was bringing along a male friend or prowling for bait anytime you stepped foot in a bar. So you set up the account to appease her need to dabble in your love life. Even went on dates with a few matches, but ended up only with a couple free meals and disappointment. Needless to say, it had been a few weeks since you pursued other matches.

Your phone buzzed, your sister was ringing. “Hey, Sherri what’s up?”

“I just thought I should tell you, I scheduled a date for you tonight.” She blurted out.

You rolled your eyes. “Sherri, come on. I need a break from divorced attorneys and college bros.”

“Just hear me out. This guy seems really promising, like a 94% match.” She babbled.

“… Wait, you were on my profile?” You accused her.

“What?” She defended. “I thought it could be pizzazzed up a bit.”

“Oh my god.” You logged on to see what damage she had done.

“Well, maybe if you used a password unrelated to Jensen Ackles, perhaps it wouldn’t be so easy for me to hack in.” She argued.

Thankfully, she hadn’t messed around too much. She just updated the profile picture and added some extra information to your bio. You looked through your recent matches. “Okay, so who’s the guy?”

“His name is Jay Akens… I thought it sounded similar to Jensen’s name so you might have a slight interest.” She hinted.

You scrolled down to the match and clicked on his profile. “Ugh, he doesn’t even have a picture.”

“Listen, you can’t afford to be choosy. If all you’re hung up on is unreachable celebrities you’re never going to find anyone because your expectations are set to high.” She lectured.

“Well, I have a photo op scheduled with him in two months, so technically he is reachable.” You argued back.

“Yes, I’m sure in all of five seconds, he’s going to fall madly in love with you.” She teased.

“Shut up. I am a rational person, you know. I do realize that something like that would never happen. I just don’t want to fall for the first guy I have the slightest connection with. I’ve done that before…” You started explaining.

Sherri interrupted. “And you got hurt, and you need space to breath, and you want to think about your choices before making a commitment, blah blah blah… Honestly Y/N, you’re becoming a broken record.”

You sighed but didn’t respond.

“It’s not an actual date, just a phone call.” She urged.

You pulled up the conversation Sherri had wrote in your place. “It says he’s in the film business and with no profile pic, you know that means? He’s some pervert living in his mom’s basement and exploring options in the porn industry.”

“It’s just a phone call…” She repeated.

“… Fine, but that’s all I’m signing up for.” You gave in. “And I’m changing my password to something unrelated to Supernatural.”

“So something to do with Doctor Who.” Sherri laughed.

You hung up on her. And kept reading through his bio. Interests include country music, golfing, physical fitness and sports, playing guitar and outdoors. How the hell was this guy a 94% match?

Keep reading

Cousin’s bfffffffff (Nick Robinson imagine)

Prompt: You meet your best friend’s cousin, Nick and you two fall in love.
Requested?: Nope, my idea.
Warning: There is mentioned sex, but not with details + my baaaaad english! 
A/N: I totally fell in love with Nick! I knew him for some years now and I saw a lots of movies with him, but the crush started a few days ago, so I think it’s time for some imagines with him! Enjoy. ♥
Also, requests are still open, so if you have some ideas, don’t worry to message me. 

We shall just start with the part how you two actually met. It was a boring day, like any other days and routines in your life. Well, you were with your friend, Jesicca, just hanging with each other and telling stories from your lives to the one another. 
“Well, I just met my cousin. He’s super annoying, super ass and super, super, super dork.” She said and looked at you. 

“What’s his name?” You looked at your blonde best friend and she just shruggled her shoulders. “Nick.” She replied and you nodded. “Okay.” 

When you two came to her house, Nick and his parents were still there and let’s just say that the first impression between you and him wasn’t the best one. 

Well, she were just in shock and you started to laugh hardly. “This is your cousin? Pretty nice one. Hey, sweetie, didn’t you forgot something?” You smirked and gave him a wave. 

“Jesicca!” He looked at your best friend. “You didn’t tell me you’ll bring a girl. Plus, not a bad looking girl, honestly.” 
“Ugh, save it, Nick, she’s out of your league.” 

× × ×

Things went pretty easy. Seeing Nick everyday was kinda annoying, as your friend said. But one part of you liked him and loved to laugh with him. 
One time, you came to Jesicca’s house, but she wasn’t there. Only Nick and his cereals.. well, as always. 

You sat there, in silence, both of you looking at your iPhones, kinda ignoring each other. Then, you chuckled at one of those jokes on facebook pages and he looked at you. “What’s funny?” 
“Nah, nothing.” 
“I wanna know.” He frowned. 
“K, it’s this.” You shoved him your phone but instead of hillarious joke, there was your favorite actor, shirtless. And yeah, Nick frowned again. 
“Oh, that’s not, what I-” You were immediately stopped by his lips on yours. 

“What the hell,  Robinson?!” 

“Whoops.” He bit his lips and smiled at you. 
“Whoops?!” 
“Sorry not sorry?” He tried and you sighed. 
“Is this a game for you?” 
“And for you? Showing a shittless guy to boy which has a crush on you?” 
“Awe, that was kinda cliche, but still aww.” You smiled and kissed him again.

× × ×

You and Nick were together for three years. Still, there were some wars, fights, hurting, but still, you were together and you kinda loved each other. In the way that when he had to film a movie, he send you videos or photos everyday, everytime. 

And the way you stole each others food, when you were camping…

And the way he shared your both’s first time with his friends.. (Well, you were pretty mad at him that he told about your first experiences to his friends, but you told to Jesicca, so…)

And also, this was your first time, so yeah… no orgasm, a lot of pain. So he went for advice to only one person which knew you too good. Jesicca.

Or how much he loved your cooking. He always said you’re the best one in cooking. Even better than his mother.

Oh, speaking about parents. He was pretty nervous when he was supposted to met yours. But things went pretty well.

And should I even talk about the fluffy way he acted when you were mad at him?

*GIFS ARE NOT MINE! ALL CREDITS TO THE OWNERS!

Bad Moon Rising (Part 1)

Originally posted by iwriteaboutdean

Summary: Jensen and the reader are doing some filming out in the Canadian wilderness when they decide to take a short hike during a break. The only problem is they don’t show up for their scene later that day…

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Word Count: 3,000ish

Warnings: language, mild injury

A/N: Enjoy!…


Keep reading

NurseyDex Week Day 1: Get Together/Mutual Pining

Derek Nurse was fucking beautiful.

And not just like, physically, although he was definitely beautiful in that way too. Derek Nurse was just a beautiful person.

Dex had noticed the physical part first when he was on his tour of Samwell back before he didn’t even know Nursey’s name.

They were at Faber and Nursey had his hands shoved in his pockets as he was making smalltalk with Chowder, and Dex couldn’t help but feel his throat go dry.

Nursey had the slightest stubble on his jaw and his cheekbones were high and sharp like the male models his sister had hanging up in her bedroom.  

And that outfit. Nursey was wearing a tight white t-shirt under a black jacket and Dex couldn’t stop looking at the way the fabric of the thin t-shirt slid over his broad chest.

At the time Dex had been mostly silent, unable to speak for fear of giving away his attraction. But then there was Bitty, and he was so…well, Bitty, and maybe Dex could allow himself to ogle Derek Nurse a little bit…just for the tour.

Keep reading

Tumblr User! Ong Seongwoo

[credit to each pic owner!]

ok so i was just eating some filipino food at a restuarant when my mind was like “YO YKNOW I WONDER WHAT WANNA ONE WAS PPL ON TUMBLR WOULD BE LIKE” so here i am BSJXNS [this is literally not proofread tbh everything i write isn’t proof read im so sorry DHFKD]

~~~~

  • his username would be
  • ongtheslate95
  • 95 being the yr he was born in
  • so he’s probably one of those aesthetic tumblrs that posts aesthetic photos that everyone loves
  • like he’ll post aesthetic photos of him posing at places that look so nice and stuff 
  • honestly his photos were so pleasing that they actually ended up being used in a lot of places 
  • also being used without credit but tbh ong didn’t mind, as long as he got recognition for his photos and his artistic style through being aesthetic he was happy! 
  • so you also happened to be an aesthetic blog, people also admired you
  • you didn’t really take pictures of yourself mostly of places that looked aesthetic. 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

what's your favorite p&p adaptation?

I can’t answer this because it’s too hard so instead I’m going to tell you why all of them are awesome and why you should watch them. 

The Lizzie Bennet Diaries

  • It’s a modern adaptation in a series so it’s got this incredible way of translating it into modern times without leaving too much plot???
  • For a webseries it’s really well produced. Acting, costumes, writing, etc. Goooood shit. 
  • SISTERLY BONDS SO STRONG 
  • “I dislike smiling. It contorts the face.” 
  • COSTUME THEATER! Where else are you gonna get costume theater with these characters?
  • This is easily the best version of Fitz
  • POC characters, which 0% of the other adaptations can boast, except for Bride & Prejudice which is bae  
  • Darcy is gr9 hi babe
  • Honestly you could just watch for Jane she is the wife of all of us what a Queen
  • Ashley Clements kills it, she’s astounding, I just adore her delivery. 
  • Mary Kate Wiles manages to make Lydia likable, which is pretty much impossible. 
  • This whole series is so quotable??? Like, wow????
  • That first Dizzie kiss is A++++++++ THANK YOU ACTORS FOR GIVING THAT TO US WE LOVE YOU
  • Side note, A+ for not slut shaming Lydia. 
  • LOOK THIS CAST IS THE CUTEST OMFG FITZ AND GIGI AND BING ugh cutie cast
  • Takes place in the good ol’ USofA so it can also be a pretty rad on wheels social commentary 

Bride & Prejudice

  • IT’S A MUSICAL VERSION OF P&P!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!
  • Aishwarya Rai is literally the most beautiful, beautiful, graceful, beautiful woman of all time, and she plays Lalita. 
  • Directed/written by a husband and wife team, like, A++ let’s always watch movies written by women and directed by them
  • The Cobra Dance. Enough said. 
  • NO LIFE WITHOUT WIFE IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE GREATEST SONG OF ALL TIME
  • “The lesbian.”
  • I get all my dance moves from this movie; I’ve been watching it since I was a kid. 
  • “It’s just like screwing a lightbulb with one hand and pettin’ the dog with the other.” D A R C Y NOOOOO 
  • The commentary Lalita makes on India was really informative and the whole movie does that; I think it’s important for a person like me who lives in America and is really privileged to hear different perspectives of different countries like this. So thank you B&P for educating me on something I never would have learned about. 
  • Ashanti. As herself. 
  • THE COLORS AND THE CINEMATOGRAPHY !!!! OH GOD!!!!
  • The whole plane ride with Lalita and Darcy destroys my soul. Destroys it. 

2005 

  • Did some say sexual tension? 
  • Like, oomph do these guys want to bad. 
  • I need three bullet points just to talk about how much they want to bang 
  • The hand flex???!!??! LORD HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL THEY TOUCH HANDS AND I AM SINNING. 
  • I really liked the way Kira Knightley played Lizzy getting slighted by Darcy at the beginning. She actually seems offended. Which you don’t always see in the other versions. 
  • This movie is really cool because the director purposefully shot it so that the family looked like a real family and the viewer felt like they were kinda creepin’ on the Bennets. So it’s not composed, it’s like we’re always peering around corners or over shoulders. 
  • Bingley is an actual golden retriever. 
  • Also the cinematography!?!?!? like the scene where they’re both dancing and nobody else is in the room? That is gr9. 
  • Rain!Darcy is the greatest Darcy. Darcy should always be wet. 
  • Also his voice is deep. Like the bottom of the sea. But it sees into my soul. 
  • Bingley practicing his proposal on DarcY????? BROMANCE that is some goooood shit. 
  • The SOUNDTRACK lord sometimes I just listen to it over and over again. Sometimes @ananbeth will text me and be like “Rachel I’m listening to the P&P soundtrack” and I have to prepare myself for her tears. I cry. 
  • The house where they film Pemberley is so gorgeous? This movie is so aesthetic? 
  • Darcy’s smile when he’s laughing with Lizzy could make angels sing. 
  • The American ending of this movie is the greatest thing to happen to this country since Betty White, who is older than sliced bread. Like, hoooolly crap, I don’t care that it isn’t period appropriate, I will watch it 20 times over until I shrivel up into a prune of tears. 
  • And one last time, for the people in the back, SEXUAL TENSION. 

1995 BBC 

  • It’s basically the book. Like, the only difference is… well, you know. We’ll talk about later. 
  • There’s so much boobs. There’s boobs everywhere. This movie is probably the reason I’m bisexual (I’m just kidding but seriously boobs.) 
  • Colin. Firth. COLIN FIRTH. AS DARCY. 
  • I just love the costumes, idk why, I love me an empire waist line. 
  • Did I mention Colin Firth’s Darcy?
  • I really love the way Jennifer Ehle plays Lizzy’s spirit. I feel that she captures Lizzy’s spirit really beautifully; she really grabs onto her lust for life. Kira also does that, but Jennifer was my first Lizzy so she’ll always be Lizzy to me. 
  • Colin Firth undresses and jumps into a lake in a white shirt. 
  • COLIN FIRTH FENCING 
  • Colin Firth in the bathtub
  • colin firth starring as grumpy cat. 
  • Lydia is played probably closest to how the book intended her. 
  • Idk why but Mr. Bennet is perfect, I love him, I am his and he is mine, he will parent me forever with lil tummy and his glasses. 
  • Also this Mrs. Bennet is probs more accurate to book Mrs. Bennet but that kinda depends on how you read it. 
  • THE SCENERY IS SO GORGEOUS
  • The “not at all, they were brightened by the exercise” scene is basically the reason I wake up in the morning. Darcy you have it so bad. 
  • I love the way you kinda see Darcy’s transition… because you spend so much time in this universe and with the characters, Darcy’s transition goes really slowly but smoothly. It’s not too fast, it’s just perfect. I love it. 
  • Meep

Bridget Jones’ Diary 

  • Colin Firth’s triumphant return to grumpy cat. 
  • Actual quote from Colin Firth upon returning to the set: “Surprise bitch. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.” 
  • Bridget is all of us. She is literally a single, chubby, slightly alcoholic girl who loves Pride & Prejudice too much. Literally, there’s a bonus feature where she interviews Colin Firth about playing Mr. Darcy. 
  • If you’re looking for Mr. Darcy hopping into bed with someone, watch Bridget Jones’ Diary. He says “I happen to like your wobbly bits” and that makes me happy. 
  • Also I feel like you see his butt and that’s important because Mr. Darcy’s butt is very important for science. 
  • The bunny scene? Mmmmmmm.
  • DARCY IN THE KITCHEN HE COOKS AND IT’S AMAZING
  • allll byyyy myyyseeellfff 
  • “I like you just the way you are.” 
  • Darcy and Wickham BITCH FIGHT it’s incredible and it’s raining men is playing in the background oh my god. I’m gonna go rewatch that scene right now goodbye friends. 

anonymous asked:

I don't wanna call it too soon but this is the CUTEST PHIL LS maybe ever. Can't wait for you to say a little on it (especially re his many verbal eyerolls at chat, and the cat paintings...)

ughhhh yes there were definitely so, so many cute little anecdotes and jokes, and a lot of interesting tidbits that i took note of while watching: 

  • he opens the show by saying that he “welcomes” people calling him dad and appreciates all the father’s day messages. amazing
  • he bought his own dad a tasting selection of jams and marmalades which immediately made me irate bc it sounds like the perf gift for my father except i would never think of it bc i’m not as creative as phil ugh. phil probs buys everyone the best presents and i’m envious of people who are good at that
  • i loled at the fact that some vintage family drama sent like nine of phil’s great uncles to australia why is that so funny. also hearing re-confirmation of just how huge phil’s family is was kind of refreshing
  • the whole centipede anecdote killed me omg jst the image of phil freaking out and calling dan into the room (whether it was in his bedroom or somewhere else, i don’t rly feel like weighing in on that debate) and then dan obviously proceeding to freak out even more than phil (which we can very vividly picture based on his reactions in the piece of art that is phil lester vs. praying mantis.) it was just such a cute story lmao, i loved the way that phil called the bug a creepy crawly and said, ‘dan’s not a fan of those creepy crawlies either’ ughghghghhh. and i love that phil is definitely forever and always going to be the designated bug-catcher in their house even though he’s scared of bugs too, jst bc dan is always too busy having an actual breakdown any time he sees an insect
  • the random interjection of him screaming ‘bear’ from the bear kayak video made me lol
  • when he’s talking about bryony’s cat paintings and says he and dan are the only ppl who like them, i like that they pretty much always share tastes in everything, be less conjoined pls 
  • him narrating his thought process when he bought the fairy light twigs: ‘what i need in my life is some light-up sticks’
  • his plan to change up the dresser trinkets for every video is interesting and referring to the setup as a ‘tableau’ lmao–as i’ve said multiple times i don’t believe this room is his primary living quarters so i def took this idea to change up the background every time he films as further confirmation that this room is basically a set 
  • martyn has been in a ‘plane incident’ at one point in his life, didn’t know that
  • the way he talked about louise’s baby was so cuteeeee, his huge grin, the way he immediately went into a higher pitched voice, cheeky suggesting ‘phil’ as a name and then saying philippa could be a boy’s name but getting a bit nervous to make the general point about not needing to gender names and just saying ‘i mean’ a lot and giggling. then his feigned indignation when someone suggested ‘daniel’ lol he’s cute
  • learning dil was pregnant made him want to ‘rip his face off’ ok calm down mate
  • the fidget spinner omg: the way that he needed to make clear that it was no ‘2 pound friend present’ lmao i read this as him jokingly being a bit salty that dan didn’t appreciate all of the time and effort and ‘good money’ he put into this loving and thoughtful gift ahhaha. it was jst such a comfortable and warm little comment i loved it. and i love that he thinks it’s beautiful bc of the colors and i was lit dying at the whole story of him lying on the floor and trying to show off to dan that he could balance it on his nose and then utterly failing. adds more context to the way that dan was so fond last week when he talked about phil injuring himself with it
  • he doesn’t like killing animals, and always finds a way to trap them and throw them outside 
  • when someone asks him to give them a nickname and he comes up with, ‘ma more like mars expedition’.. wtf he’s adorable
  • kath could ‘open a brownie farm’ PHIL PLS 
  • ‘stop calling me dad though bc it’s inappropriate,’ he says with a barely concealed smile as he complies with everyone’s wishes to clean them. why does he love being called dad i need to lie down 
  • traditional lester thing is to get fish and chips when they’re all together
  • his sheer excitement about wonder woman was amazing omg. ‘she kicks so much butt but she has a personality and more movies should be made with a woman as the main character like that’ yAS phil 
  • thoughts on chris pine: he originally jst says he’s ‘funny’ but then when someone in the chat says ‘chris pine is fricking hot,’ he basically agrees and adds that he is ‘distracting’ and ‘radiating out of his face … what is that face? how do you achieve such a face?’ fucking amazing.
  • he always finds coins that are from 1997 lmao only he would notice that and think it’s some secret conspiracy by the universe jst to fuck with him
  • this week’s beauty tips:
    • change your face wash every 3-4 months because your face gets used to it. also you might want your face to smell like something different (his face currently smells of tree sap)
    • don’t spray hair spray directly into your mouth bc it tastes really bad and probably isn’t good for your health
    • drink lots of water (again)
    • put tea bags on your eyes and the caffeine will make you feel more energized and also you’ll look beautiful with teabags on your eyes
  • i’m certain that phil giggling, ‘but they’ve seen it from space and it’s a globe!’ single-handedly debunked the flat earth conspiracy
  • he goes ‘poot’ when he sprays febreze,,,, jesus christ. also of course he had a vanilla cupcake scented air freshener once,,,, have i mentioned that i am so fucking in love with phil jesUS 
  • his spon of dan’s vid was interesting to me, he kind of seemed to think of it at the very last moment even after he’d said goodbye to a bunch of people, and focused more on sponning it than sponning his own vid or anything from the gaming channel. he said it was ‘very funny’ which i’ll admit only added to my confusion about the objective or intention of dan’s video bc it didn’t strike me as trying to be comedic in any way. i wonder if phil genuinely found it funny and what he liked about it hahah, i honestly would pay for him to give it an honest review
  • his lil meows at the end before he clicked out were v pure i adore him

ya i love phil, ik it’s breaking news to yall but i really, really do. his live shows are always exactly what i need and he makes me so happy 

(phil live show: giant centipede attack - 6.18.17)

Halloween

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM YOURS TRULY! Here’s a spooky one-shot that’s a part of my Klance YouTuber AU Series (which I’m excited to finally be continuing, as I haven’t written for it in a while)!

Lance, Keith, Pidge, and Hunk decide to film a video using a Ouija Board to celebrate Halloween. Lance is amused, Keith is wary, Pidge is skeptical, and Hunk is terrified. Hilarity (and horror) ensues. I hope you enjoy!


“Hey guys!” Lance waved and, pulling the cape he wore around to cover the lower his face, wiggled his eyebrows. “Happy Halloween! Boy, do we have a treat in store for you today. Don’t we, guys?”

“Not an actual treat,” Hunk said. “Last year we tried to do a Halloween baking video, and we all know how much of a disaster that turned out to be.”

“In my defense, it was a ghost that knocked the tray out of my hands and onto the floor,” Pidge claimed, glancing at the ceiling. “I didn’t drop it.”

“You ruined all of our perfectly good s'mores,” Keith pointed out, crossing his arms.

Pidge raised an eyebrow at him. “Keith, your s'mores looked like they got hit by a bus. Frankly, I did them a favor.”

Lance snorted, which he quickly tried to disguise with a cough. Keith still glared at him. “Right. Well, this year the four of us are doing something even more holiday appropriate! Per popular request, we’re going to be using a Ouija Board!”

Keep reading

Hard and Fast

Summary: Jared falls hard and fast for the reader who is auditioning for Supernatural. 

Pairing: Jared x Reader

Word Count: 1,186

Requested by: @tiny-sam-is-my-jam


You’re anxiously tapping your foot in a waiting room but it’s not just any waiting room. No. It’s only the gateway to the biggest fucking audition of your life. No pressure or anything.

You’re about to audition for a role on Supernatural and the fact that it’s your favorite show makes this even more nerve racking. It’s a new character named Kendra who’s a librarian and she will be Sam’s new love interest.

And this isn’t a small arc, the role is expected to last for an entire season. That kind of exposure would be insane and also a dream come true. Today is your second callback and you’ve heard that the two leads with be present in the room. 

Jensen is directing the first episode of the season as usual and that’s when the character will make her debut. And Jared will be reading with the small group of girls that made the cut so far including yourself.

“Y/N L/N!”

Shit. Here we go.

Keep reading

A new start, part 1

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 1856

Warnings: Language and a little angst

A/N:  This is set after the first Avengers movie, before the Winter Soldier.  An actress experiences betrayal from someone she loves. This is the story of her finding a new start. 

“I am headed out now. I promise I will meet you in Tennessee in a few days.  You know how the studio gets if I am late.  Love you babe.”  Your boyfriend, David, quickly ended the call as you drove towards his Los Angeles home. The whole reason for the call was let him know you had to stop at his house to grab one of your dresses and the script for the movie you were starting in a week.  You tried calling back but it went straight to voicemail.

“Ugh, fine.  I will just grab the stuff and head to the airport.” You were running behind but you could not leave without the script.  The producers would be pissed if they had to overnight you another copy right before you started filming.  The ride to his house was thankfully short, as you seemed to have scooted around most of the midday traffic.  When you pulled up you noticed his car was still in the driveway along with another one you did not recognize.  A bad feeling started creeping up your spine but you pulled out the key to his house and let yourself inside.  The first thing you heard was a female laugh coming from the kitchen.  Your stomach dropped.  As you entered, the kitchen you found a woman dressed only in what was probably one of David’s shirts with her legs wrapped around his hips, laughing as he kissed her neck.  You stood there for a moment in utter shock staring at the pair, before you could actually make a sound.

“Umm yeah sorry.  I think I came in at the wrong time.” David turned to look at you with horror all over his face.  He dropped the woman on the counter and walked towards you with his hands out in front of him, as if to keep you from hitting him.  It was then you saw he was only dressed in a pair of thin boxers.

“Oh my God, [Y/N]. What are you doing here?  I thought you were headed to the airport. This isn’t..”  You put your hand up stopping him.

“Don’t even try.  This is exactly what it looks like, asshole.  And I’m pretty sure she was on the cover of the last Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition.” The woman piped up from behind David.

“It was the Victoria’s Secret spring catalog.”  You gave a short, fake laugh.

“Even better.  A Victoria’s Secret model.”  Rolling your eyes you turned around heading towards the stairs to his bedroom.  He followed you, begging you to listen to any of the half-assed excuses he could think of. You pulled out a bag you kept there for your clothes, filling it with every item you could find that belonged to you.  A few times, you had to step around her clothes that had been strewn about the room. After a few minutes of you ignoring him, he finally stopped trying to convince you otherwise of what he had done. He had pulled on a tee shirt and jeans before sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.  As you finished packing the last of you things, you stopped to look at him, his back towards you.  Up until that moment, you had been fueled on pure shock and adrenaline. Now looking at the man who you had spent the last year loving, your heart broke.  The pressure in your chest leading to the tears that started falling down your cheeks.

“Goodbye, David.  I hope you find what makes you happy.  I know I am not it.”  Half way down the stairs, he came running.  You could hear the tears in his voice.

“[Y/N/N], please!  I am so sorry.  It was a huge mistake.  Let’s talk this out.  You mean so much to me.  Please.” You sniffed at the tears that were still falling from your eyes.  Shaking your head with a sad smile.

“This broke anything that was there of us.  You went out of your way to lie and deceive.  There isn’t a way back from that.”  With the bag over your shoulder, you walked out the front door with David standing there watching you leave.  The girl in his tee shirt forgotten for the moment.

As you drove away, you released the rest of the emotions that had been fighting to get out. Sobbing as you headed in the direction of the airport.  You weren’t even sure you would make it on time, but at this point, you didn’t care. Everything inside you hurt and all you wanted was to crawl in bed to sleep for a few days.  Or until some of the pain went away.  

You did make it to the airport on time.  The car was dropped off and you checked in for your flight.  Not bothering to take off your sunglasses as you showed your ticket and identification.  The ticket agent giving an oddly anxious look as she realized who you were.  “Oh Miss [Y/L/N] right this way.  We will make sure no one notices you.”  With the help of TSA and the ticket agent, you were seated quickly onto the plane.  You knew you must have looked awful with the red tear swollen eyes and no makeup.  It did not matter.  You just wanted to get back to the comfort and safety of home. The day needed to be over.

The days that followed only grew worse.  After the first two days of crying, feeling sorry for yourself, and venting to your best friend, the press got wind of the breakup.  Seems the model had a big mouth and told her story to anyone that would listen. She was proud of the fact that she had stolen away the popular actor from his actress girlfriend.  David was being portrayed as a man whore, who broke your heart.  Your publicist was going crazy because you refused to comment on any of it.   The phone never seemed to stop ringing or alerting with texts messages.  Your parents, your manager, friends, even David would not stop trying to call or text.  David, you simply ignored every time, deleted all his texts without reading. Everyone else pretty much got a short dry answer that would have to do for the moment.

You weren’t ready for someone to knock on your front door.  Though you should have known, it was coming.  Your dad stood there in the doorway waiting for you to let him in. You hadn’t said a word, just standing there biting on your lower lip trying to keep the tears at bay.  When he opened his arms, you lost it.  You moved close and felt him envelop you just as he always had when you needed him.  “Oh, daddy…”

“It’s okay, sugar. You are going to be just fine in a little while.  You will find someone who is worthy of your time and your heart.  I promise you.”  He held onto you, as if his life depended on it.  After the tears had finally stopped he pulled back to look down at you.  “Better baby?”  You nodded wiping the wetness from your cheeks.  “Good, how about some coffee and we can talk?”

The two of you talked for a while.  The whole sad story coming out.  You father grumbled a bit through the worst parts of it, threatening to kill David and hide the body somewhere on his extensive property.  You laughed for the first time in days, telling him it wasn’t worth the effort but you appreciated the sentiment.  Before too long he left for home, which was only a half mile away around the pond.  The rest of the week, you kept yourself busy with packing, working your lines and trying to keep your mind off everything that had happened.  It was difficult, but you tried.  You rode your horses and fed the goats.  Took your truck for a ride through the mud a few times just to have a little fun.  Kaley, your assistant and close friend came over several times for coffee and business, making sure the two of you did not fall into that hole of talking about certain people.

When the end of the week came and it was time to head to North Carolina for your new movie. You were still sad but you were no longer crying all day.  The movie was set in the early 40’s during World War II and was about a couple who fall in love and are ultimately separated when he goes off to fight. You liked the part that the story was narrated by the couple’s granddaughter as she was reading the love letters sent between them during the war.  Telling the stories of growing up together, falling in love, marrying against their parents’ wishes and bringing their son into the world.  Right now, you thought the movie was exactly what you needed to help you get over David.  There had been a last minute recast for the character of Thomas, your character’s love interest.  The original actor had to drop because of a previous commitment.  Your new costar was Chris Evans.  Of course, the entire world knew who he was, but you had never personally met him.  The hope was that he was going to be easy to work with and you wouldn’t have to stress making this movie.

You left the rented beach house early in the morning to make sure you were on set on time.  This morning was costume fitting, and then meeting the hair and makeup staff to ensure the right styles and colors were used for your skin tone.  A rather sweet and brightly styled woman was measuring your inseam when you heard a knock on the open trailer door.  A male’s voice calling out, “Hope I’m in the right place.  I was told this is where I needed to get my measurements done.”  You turned to see short blond hair and bright blue eyes.  He stopped short in the doorway once he saw you standing there with Marion at your feet. A wide beautiful smile crossed his lips. “Oh sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Marion looked up from the floor.  

“You didn’t sweetie. Go over there and take a seat.  Me and [Y/N] here are almost done.”  Chris did not take a seat.  He walked towards you will that smile firmly in place.  He held his hand out to you as he spoke.  

“I’m Chris, seems we are going to be falling in love here.  I mean…Our characters are going to fall in love here. For the movie.  Yeah the movie. Wow, I’m an asshole. I am sorry.” You shook his hand laughing.  He was cute and goofy and he had made you laugh. Especially now that was welcome.

“I’m [Y/N].  It’s nice to meet you Chris.  You aren’t an asshole.  Everyone has times where their minds and mouths don’t talk to each other before something silly comes out.”  He grinned though you thought you could see a blush on his cheeks.

“[Y/N], I think we are going to get along just fine.”

Part 2

dating mark!!

2/? for the dating series!

lets get on it!

———-

- so,,, y'all meet during trainee days

- he’s the new trainee and you help him cause you were from canada too

- “ok so this is training room 2 and oMG PUT JAEHYUN PUT YOUR SHIRT ON”

- tbh that was mark first impression for jaehyun and still teases him to this day

- anyway 

- you asked him what he got in for (rap, dance, vocals, or acting)

- and he was like

-“rap cause i got that canadian swag

- turns out you rap too!

- you guy had this deep ass convo about your fave rappers and shit

- btw ur a 99 liner too (or whatever u want but)

- you guys became pretty tight

- and both developed feeling for each other but those don’t get announced for a while 00ps

- time skiP 4.5 yEArS

- sO now markipoo is about to debut nd you still hAVENT jeSus

-  mark still likes u a lot and vice versa

- like with doyoungs, the guys pretty much pressure him into confessing messing cause e all know he wouldn’t

- so like he wrote this rap for u aND its!! so!! sweet!!

- he like strummed his guitar and rapped and uGH yOU almOST crIeD

- all yo members were like “jeno beTTA DO THIS FOR ME OR IM SUING”

- anyway ofc u accepted cause,,,, he’s mark

- yALL R THAT COUPLE

- the one that everyone wants to be 

- yOU GUSY R SO CUTE AHHH

- you would wake up to texts asking if you’ve eaten, slept, and had a good day

- like maRk i sHoUlD bE asKINg yOU thAt

- he isn’t into pda tho

- like occasionally u will get a nose peck or smth but that as about it

- its cool tho cause ur not into it either

- OMG U WERE THE ONE WHO STARTED THE SEAGULL EYEBROW THING

- like oneday u were like

- “mark i drew a bird  (like the one thats a curvy line y’know) isn’t i- OMG IT LOOKS LIKE UR EYEBROWS FUCKAHKSHH”

- “I’m breaking up w u” - mark

- he doesn’t mean it tho

- he loves u sm like its crazy

- he will give the bEST hugs

- and cuddles!

- he just pulls u into his chest and wraps his arms around you uHGHG

- conversations that switch between english and korean

- sometimes confusing as hell cause he talks fast and u can’t tell whether it was eng or kor and just nod along

- hE ALWAYS PLAYS HIS GUITAR

- and even tho he aint a vocal, he’s a vocal

- HIS VOICE IS SUCH A BLESSINGOMG U DIED WHEN U HEARD DUNK SHOT

- like he just whisper raps and it soUND SO GOOD

- always raps to u

- lmao his confession rap was cringe as hell

- “u nd i got that sw-sw-swag and those sk-sk-skills”

- YOU JUST WHISPER IT IN HIS EARS OUT OF NOWHERE AND HIS REACTION IS PRICELESS

- he makes that face,,, you know,,, the one where he just stares blankly for a sec (pros  cause he forgot it and had to take a moment to remember)

- tHEN HE JUST LOOKS AT U WITH THE WIDEST EYES

- “stOP THAT WAS LIKE A YEAR AGO OMG”

- remember y'all r only 99 liners so nO FUNNY STUFFZIES 

- taeyong, doyoung and jaehyun had to give y'all the talk

- u guys couldn’t make eye contact until 3 days later

- when marks sad, you make sure to give him the biggest hug and let him vent out his feelings

- usually r about missing home and having the stress of debuting in tHrEE groups 

- you just whisper like “one day, we can go to canada together”

- and he looks up at u with his puppy eyes nd

- “promise?”

- “promise.”

- omG U R PRETTYMUCH PART OF THE FOREIGN  SWAGGERS

- u and johnny made a diss track about sm

- “yo,,,uh,,,johnny boi hasnt debuted,,,uh,,,I’ve been a trainee for 6.9 years,,,check,,”

- it was trash but it was YOUR trash

- mark once got jelly of jaehyun cause u guys r really close like siblings

- “yo jaehyun sauce le peppers’

- “why can’t i sauce the peppers :(” - mark

- y'all haven’t really gotten into a fight

- like u’ve disagreed b4 but not a full out fight or anything

- once tho, he told u were “untalented and helpless” cause you accidentally spilled iced tea on him when he was super stressed out

- and u cried for like 8 hours 

- mARK WAS SO CONFUSED

- he felt so bad like he had to ask his members for help

- ‘mark are actually dumb” - everyone

- he found u curled up in a ball outside on a park bench

- and held u and wouldn’t stop apologizing

- on a higher note

- when he first said “i love you”

- he went to ur debut showcase

- and when u came off stage like all hot n sweaty 

- mark low-key died

- anyway he like hugged u and was like

- “i love u sm”

- and y'all just froze

- “did u-”

- “did i-”

- JAEMIN WAS PROBS FILMING IT 

- u made him send it to u cause like,,, y not

- BUTT YEAH MARK IS SUCH A SWEETIE PIE (bUTT HAHAH)

- I WOULD KILL TO DATE HIM (hahah thats to far but i loaf him)

———–

thanks for reading! 

i will probs post like all of them cause i have a week off school (march break)

anyway, love y'all :)

- emma

High Tensions - Eight

Spencer Reid x Reader

Glancing around Spencer made sure the office door was locked and the blinds drawn before walking over to where Y/N was bent over the desk, her skirt rucked up around her waist and her black lace panties pulled down. 

That ass, fuuuck. He just wanted to slam himself against it, it looked so pert and firm. 

She wriggled slightly, turning her head to look at him, cocking her eyebrow at him. “Hurry the fuck up Spencer please. I’m desperate here.”

Standing behind her and parting her legs, he could feel that she was. Warm silky fluid coated his fingers as he felt between her legs, making sure she was ready for him. 

“Say it Y/N, say it first,” he fumbled with the buckle on his trousers, pushing them down and taking his dick into his hand, stroking it; just waiting for her to say the words he’d been dying to hear from her for weeks now. 

She wriggled again, pushing her butt back towards him and looking back at him. “Spencer Reid, You win. I want you in me, now. Fuck me, and do it hard and do it fast. ”

He grinned and slowly started to push himself inside her slick entrance, knowing he wouldn’t last long this time but that he’d make up for it later. He began to thrust, her sweet gasps filling his ears as she clenched around him. He gripped her hips, using them as leverage as he drove himself in and out of her, feeling ready to explode almost instantly. 

“Y/N, I’m gonna come,” he groaned, knowing he’d barely lasted two minutes inside her warm center. His orgasm racked through his body, spilling free inside her. 

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. 

Spencer shot up in bed, reaching for his alarm clock and hitting the off button. 

Shit. 

He could already feel the warm sticky fluid inside his boxers. 

That didn’t count right? He couldn’t control his dreams right? 

He rummaged in his bedside drawer for some baby wipes. He didn’t want to get out of bed just yet, so he’d make do until he showered. 

Lying there his mind drifted back to last night. He had genuinely been so close to giving in, he wanted her so badly. That kiss with Emily had completely shredded any coherent thoughts and he’d had to dash outside to avoid grabbing Y/N and fucking her right then and there on the table whilst the whole bar watched. 

She knew what she was doing, but whereas most girls would play the lesbian kiss card as a joke, Spencer could tell that she’d very much enjoyed it herself.

Y/N had made comments in the past about finding girls attractive and having had girlfriends but it wasn’t until she’d openly said that she liked both that Spencer had realised that she was actually serious. And the blonde girl she’d been talking to was beautiful, so knowing that their bodies had been naked together, sharing intimacy had completely redirected the flow of Spencer’s blood. 

And then when she’d alluded to the offer of a threesome, with either her friend or Prentiss…..Spencer had literally been gobsmacked. Every bone in his body had been saying yes and even Derek was telling him to give in. He’d let down his fellow man by managing to turn them down, although he was wondering if that offer would still stand once he had actually managed to take Y/N to bed. 

Which he’d been intending to do last night. When she’d asked if he wanted to go back to hers and he’d found himself nodding, he’d just about accepted that he’d lost. It wasn’t until he’d been standing in front of her apartment door watching her search for her keys that he remembered that he hadn’t actually said the magic words. So he still technically had an out. And then he’d had a flash back to the elevator and how turned on she’d left him, talking about her lips wrapped around his dick. So he decided to have his own fun. 

The little moans and whimpers Y/N had been making would be a constant fixture in his mind now until he heard them again, and he knew this. But the look on her face when he’d walked away had been worth it. And her strangled shout after him had made him literally feel like he could walk into any bar, point at any girl and have her there and then. Not that he wanted to. Y/N was consuming all of his thoughts currently and he hoped she would be for a very long time. 

His phone buzzed, a text from Derek. 

“????”

He text back a simple, “Nope.”

“Seriously man! I can’t believe you turned that shit down.”

“Believe it Morgan. The bet is still on.”

Pulling himself out of bed, he made his way to his shower. Time to get on with his day. 

You’d spent the last four hours in the gym working out some accumulated frustrations on the exercise equipment, earphones in and your eyes averted from any attractive bodies that passed by you. 

Your credit card had also taken hit this morning, you needing some retail therapy to help get you through this. 

You hated Spencer right now, yet still completely wanted to bang him seven ways from Sunday. You’d been so sure, and so turned on, firstly by the kiss with Prentiss and then by Spencer’s mouth on your skin. 

Ugh. Stop thinking Y/N. 

You exited the gym, the image of him still filling your mind and you could swear you could actually see him two yards ahead of you, seated on a bench, his head immersed in a book. Was it really that bad that you were hallucinating about him now? 

Walking to your car you realised it was actually him, the bench was in front of a bookstore he visited regularly and you spotted a carrier bag on the seat next to him. 

Creeping up behind him you lowered your lips to his ear. 

“Spencer!”

He jumped, a girlish squeal leaving his mouth and causing you to giggle at him. He turned to glare at you and you dropped into the seat next to him. 

“Fancy seeing you here. Come here often?” The oldest line in the book, but you couldn’t cope with being witty today. 

He looked at you confused, “You know I do Y/N. That place is my favourite bookstore. So really I should be asking you what you’re doing here. So…… do you come here often?“ 

“Not overly…. But the gym was calling me this morning. I seemed to have built up a lot of tension some how that needed to punched out. So I punched it out. Quite literally.” You made a little boxing motion making little “Pow, Pow” noises as you undercut the air in front of you and mimed a duck. 

Reid laughed at you, “That’s so cute.”

You punched him lightly in the arm, “Cute! I’m not cute, I’m deadly.”

You joked with him for a few more minutes, just falling into casual conversation and then sitting with him, watching the cars pass you by on the road before you. 

“Spence, I’ve missed this.”

“Missed what?”

“Just hanging out with you. Without constantly trying to think of ways to get you fired up.”

He closed his book and placed it back into his bag, “You know what, I do too. What are your plans for the rest of the day?“ 

“Erm, I was gonna head home, have a hot bath and then veg in front of the TV for pretty much the whole evening. My live is so glamorous and all.”

“Okay, so go home and have your bath but then meet me at the cinema on Main Street at 6pm. They’re showing all three Jurassic Park films back to back in preparation for the release of the new one.”

You considered his offer. “One condition?" 

He nodded. 

"This little game thingy, is suspended. We go back to being normal Spencer and Y/N for the night. Because I genuinely can’t deal with another night of being turned on and then abruptly turned off again. And I don’t really fancy having to bring plastic sheeting with me to sit on.”

The chuckle that left his chest then and the grin on his face was so deliciously catching that you couldn’t help but join in. 

“It’s a deal Y/N. We’ll just hang out as a normal friends. No trying to convince you to sit on my face. ”

You burst out laughing before clarifying timings and headed home to get bathed and ready, actually looking forward to your evening now.  

Your evening was spent relaxing with best friend Spencer rather than fuck me now Spencer and you thoroughly enjoyed yourself. 

It was nice, just spending time with him and you’d forgotten how much you enjoyed just sitting with him, listening to him talk.  

He’d insisted on buying your ticket and popcorn for the movies and you’d accepted, telling him it was the least he could do after last night. 

For the first forty minutes or so of the film, you’d been on edge, thinking that he was going to use being in a darkly lit theatre to his advantage. Eventually you relaxed though, seeing how engrossed he was in the film, even though you knew he’d reel off the inaccuracies on the way home. 

Around the midpoint of the second film, he shifted in his seat; throwing his arm over the back of your seat.

Hmmm. Maybe he was just stretching. He left his arm there and you relaxed again until you felt an arm nudging you. 

Balls, you’d fallen asleep. The lights were slowly coming on and the credits rolling. 

“Come on sleepy head I’ll walk you home.”

Both of you lived pretty close to the cinema so you’d walked, meeting up outside the entrance. 

As predicted, Spencer gave you a list of the scientific inaccuracies as you strolled through the darkened streets together. You let him talk, enjoying the sound of his voice. He always sounded so sweet when he rambled, especially when he was talking about something he was passionate about. 

You stopped outside of your apartment building. 

“Thanks Spence. I had a good time tonight. Sorry for falling asleep, I just feel exhausted for some reason.”

“That’s okay Y/N. Three films is a lot to sit through, especially if you’ve spent four hours already at the gym. Maybe we can do this again sometime? Like actually hang out again?”

You nodded at him, “Yeah I’d like that. It almost felt like we were on a date though with you insisting on paying for everything.” You were teasing him but his eyes flickered slightly. 

You reached up to give him a quick hug good bye, and he surprised you by giving you a kiss on your cheek.

You lingered in the hug longer than necessary, your cheek burning from where his lips had been. 

Spencer pulled away first, “Well I’ll see you then. I guess we’re business as usual from tomorrow again?" 

You nodded and he smirked.

As he turned to walk away a thought a occurred to you. 

"Spencer,” you called. He stopped in his tracks. 

“Was this a date?" 

He shrugged, "I don’t know, was it?" 

"Did you want it to be?”

“Again Y/N…..I don’t know. I don’t really know what to call what we do when we spend time with each other anymore….And I don’t wanna mess anything up by calling this a date.”

Neither did you, but…. 

“Well we’re two friends who share a mutual attraction for each other and have spent the last few weeks actively trying to get the other to admit to wanting to bang the other.”

“So it was a date then?” Spencer asked, a smile playing on his lips. 

“I guess it was.”

cheater cheater (l.h.)

I looked over my appearance once more, not quite as satisfied as I could have been with myself, but figuring it was just Calum and he had seen me at my absolute worst.

I had on an over sized white Blink-182 shirt, considering all we had planned was a movie day in, maybe even a few of the boys might stop by, so I didn’t feel the need to get dressed up or anything. Leggings clung to my legs as I struggle to squeeze my vans onto my feet in attempt to avoid retying the shoelaces.

My phone buzzed next to me on my bed just as I had finally gotten myself recomposed, from Calum.

Cal: Hey (Y/N), the doors open for when you arrive :)

Keep reading

“Loser gets their tongue pierced.” (Ethan)

Requested by anonymous: “Can I get an Ethan imagine from the new video where he’s too scared to get his tongue pierced so you agree to get it done with him? Grayson films it and you basically act like it’s nothing at all and it freaks Ethan out, like him watching you get it done before him scares him”

————

“Loser has to get their tongue pierced!” The twins cheered as they were explaining their video. You were at their warehouse, helping them film, and you couldn’t believe that they were actually filming this. 

“That’s one for me.” Grayson said as he pulled a cherry stem out of his mouth, successfully tying it in a knot. “If I win the next round that means I don’t have get my tongue pierced.”

“I really don’t wanna lose, oh my gosh.” Ethan sighed.

Their next challenge was licking and sealing envelopes, which Ethan also lost.

“Oh my god,” you whispered, “this is unreal.” 

“YES! I am not getting my tongue pierced.” Grayson cheered.

“Ugh.” Ethan sighed. You turned off the cameras in the warehouse and headed off to the tattoo shop to get Ethan’s new piercing.

“I can’t believe you have to do this.” You said to Ethan as you waited in the lobby to be called up.

“I’m so nervous. I’m so shaky, my heart is literally about to about to beat out of my chest.” Ethan said. Just then, the piercer came out and said he was ready.

“Alright, are you ready?” The guy asked Ethan.

“No. Not at all. Just, give me a minute.” Ethan sighed. You were standing next to him and he intertwined his fingers with yours, squeezing your hand tight, resting his head on your stomach.

“Ethan, everything’s gonna be fine.” You said, running your fingers through his hair.

“Do it with me.” He blurted out.

“What?” 

“Get your tongue pierced.” 

“How the hell did I get dragged into this?” You asked.

“Oh man, this is gonna be great.” Grayson said from behind the camera.

“Please? It’ll give me some time to calm down. And if you can do it, then so can I.” Ethan pleaded.

“Ugh, fine.” You said. You filled out the necessary paperwork and took Ethan’s place in the chair.

The piecer cleaned your mouth and dotted the spot on your tongue where the piercing would go.

“Alright, take a deep breath in, and on the count of three, let it out. 1, 2, 3.” He said. As you we’re exhaling, he pushed the needle through your tongue and stuck the piercing in. You looked over at the twins, Ethan standing behind Grayson, covering his eyes, but peeking through the spaces between his fingers, Grayson just laughing as he was filming.

“Ethan, stop being a baby.” Grayson laughed as he pointed the camera towards him.

“I’m sorry, I can’t watch my girlfriend get hurt.” He said, completely covering his eyes.

“You literally made me do this.” You said, barely intelligible, since you had your tongue hanging out of your mouth.

“Alright, just let me screw on the top ball, and you’re good to go.” The piercer said as he finished up. “What do you think?” He asked, handing you a mirror.

“I think it looks good. E, that wasn’t that bad. Just think of it like getting your cartilage done again.” You said to Ethan as he walked over to you.

“Uh, that’s not something I wanna go through again.” He said as he sat down in the chair, taking your hand in his. 

The piercer went through the same process of cleaning Ethan’s mouth, telling him to breathe in and out as the needle went through.

“Ethan, you’re breaking my hand.” You whined as his grip on your hand tightened as the needle went through his tongue. He let go and you massaged it a bit.

“Alright, you’re all done.” The pierced said, taking his gloves off.

“Oh thank god.” He said as he stood up from the chair. He walked over to the larger mirror and stuck his tongue out, admiring his new piercing.

“See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” You asked, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“No. But I think you going before me did help calm me down, a lot. So thank you.” He said, kissing your forehead.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re welcome.” You laughed. After you paid, you stood outside and filmed the outro for the video.

“Ethan actually just got his tongue pierced for a video.” Grayson laughed.

“That was the craziest shit you’ve ever made me do, bro.” Ethan said.

“Guys, thumbs up for Ethan’s tongue,” 

“And give it a thumbs up for (Y/N), for being less of a baby than me and getting her tongue pierced with me. She’s the best and I love her.” Ethan said. You made a kissy face at Ethan and smiled.

“Yeah, she is pretty cool.” Grayson laughed. They finished up their outro and you turned off the camera.

“I still can’t believe this is real and actually happened.” Ethan said, taking his phone out of his pocket and sticking his tongue out in the reflection.

“If it makes you feel any better, I think you look hot with it.” You smirked, leaning up to kiss him.

“That makes me feel a ton better.” He laughed, kissing you again.

thirty days of skam fic: day fifteen
aka isak is a pizza delivery boy and even is a very charming customer

beginning. accusation. restless. leaves. rainbow. flame. formal. under. move. silver. prepared. knowledge. denial. cans. order. thanks. look. summer. transformation. tremble. tent. mad. thousand. paper. winter. luxury. letters. promise. simple. future.

[ READ ON AO3 ]

Getting a job at a crappy takeaway pizza place was probably one of the stupidest decisions of Isak’s life. He didn’t really have much of a choice, though; he really had to start earning some of his own money since his dad was always slow when Isak needed some, and the hours were flexible enough to work around college, and particularly helpfully, his flatmate was the manager, so he’d managed to get Isak the job without actually having to apply for anything.  

But it’s definitely not fun work, even if Isak is getting more exercise than he ever has in his life from pedalling his bike all over the city. He just wasn’t designed for the customer service industry, he decides as he sighs and edges a little further into the back room where they keep the packaged cheese. His shift is almost up, and if he can just wait it out a few more minutes without getting put on a delivery, he can probably go home before –

“Isak! Delivery for you!”  Isak groans as Eskild’s sunny voice rings through the store cupboard, swiftly followed by his face appearing in the doorway. He tuts, “Honestly, you have to stop hiding in here.”

No. Isak likes hiding in the store cupboard.

“Can’t you send someone else?  I only have fifteen minutes left, Eskild!”

“Sorry baby, no can do. They asked for you specifically.”

Isak blinks, thinking what the hell, until Eskild is suddenly waving the order ticket  in front of his face, and – oh. Right there, in the little box on the online order form that says ‘Delivery instructions?’ someone has typed out, send the cute delivery boy.

Keep reading

The Fitting (Part 6)

(Your cousin follows up on the blind date she set up for you.  You and Jungkook discuss the need to be more discrete in your relationship.)

Warning: smut, dirty talk, fellatio, masturbation, hand-job

It was difficult sleeping with Jungkook clinging to you.  You hadn’t shared a bed all night with anyone in close to a year and you had grown accustomed to having the mattress to yourself.  Jungkook, however, allowed no space between your body and his, keeping his arms wrapped around you the entire night.  It was romantic the way he held you, but he felt like a furnace and there was no room to move since he had crept all the way to your side of the bed, leaving his side vacant.  You wondered if he would start expecting to always sleep over after sex and you questioned whether or not you should allow that. 

You woke up early to escape Jungkook’s clutches and to get ready for work.  When you picked up your phone to check the time, you noticed that you had missed a phone call and text from your cousin, Seolji.  She had tried contacting you last night while you and Jungkook were preoccupied.  You were sure she was calling to check up on your blind date from the night before and you wondered what you would say to her.  While you were still holding the phone, it rang… it was another call from Seolji.

You stepped into the living room to answer the call, “What are doing calling me at 6:30 in the morning?  Is everything okay?”

“I tried calling you at a reasonable hour last night, but you didn’t call me back.”  Seolji sounded irritated, “I needed to talk to you before I go into the office.  In case you forgot, I set you up on a blind date with one of my coworkers.  How could you not call to tell me how the date went?  He kept asking about you.  He said you didn’t respond to his text yesterday morning.  Are you blowing him off?”

Keep reading

This Means War (part 2)

Summary:Two top CIA operatives wage an epic battle against one another after they discover they are dating the same woman (based on the movie)

Word count: 1,360

A/N: hey guys part two! Hope you enjoy it.

This Means War (Masterlist)

You check the picture on your phone once more before you walk up to the blonde Adonis sitting outside of the local coffee shop. “Steve?” He looks up, “Hi, I’m (Y/N).” You take off your sunglasses and extend your hand.

“Oh gosh, hello. How are you?” He stands up like a gentleman and shakes my hand.

“Uh, very nice to meet you.” You can’t help but stare at the handsome man infront of you.

“You too, um…” He obviously felt the same because he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. “please, sit, sorry yeah.” He waited until you sat down before he sat down too. “Wow, it’s like- you’re really, really beautiful.”

You grinned, “Could you say that a few more times, because you’re voice is amazing.” You both laugh. “I feel like I need to apologize again for that bizarre profile-”

“No, no.” He shakes his head trying to assure you.

“-my friend Daisy is…” You huff.

“Oh, no. I think everyone should have a friend who’s a spaz.” He chuckled.

“I think I’m going to have to kill her.” You joke.

“Well, actually… I might be able to help you with that .” He nods.

You laugh. “I’m kidding.”

“So am I.” He smirked.

After a bit more conversation you asked, “So tell me something that’s not on your profile.”

“Um,” he thought about it. “I have a son.” He nods.

“Oh you do?” You smile.

“Yeah, his name is James,” you grin.“ He’s seven, and he’s really lovely, really lovely.”  He spoke admiringly.

“And his mom?” You asked.

“Couldn’t work.” He shook his head, “how about you?”

“Um, no kids that I know of.” You joke.

“Okay.” He chuckled.

“And no ex-wives either.” He smiled. “I have a very important question to ask.” You point.

He nods, “good, go on.”

“Have you ever been or do you ever plan on being a serial killer? ”

“Uhh, well I mean you’ve gotta keep your options open.” He joked. “but no.”

“okay good answer.” You both laughed. “So you’ve never killed anybody with your bare hands?”

“Not this week.” He chuckled.

“Great.” You smiled happily.

“(Y/N), you’re incredible.” He grinned.

“You’re not so bad yourself. “He chuckles.

"Alright, well I’m gonna go rent a movie and take a cold shower.” You start to pack you things up.

“I will too.” He smirked.

“Okay.” You chuckle. “And wait for your call for the next-” you check your watch,

“five minutes.” You both say simultaneously and laugh afterward.


Later on you were making your way down into the movie store. You glanced around not seeing many people. You smile to yourself thinking back to your date with Steve. He was such a great guy. He seemed so perfect.

You headed to the drama section and reached for your favorite movie, apparently someone else had the same idea. “Oh I’m so sorry.” He pulled his hand away.

“No I’m sorry, you take it.” You offer.

“No no no, that’s okay. You take it.” He smiled.

“You sure?” You ask.

“You know what?  You’re not gonna like it. Is got a Twist ending. You’ll see it coming from a mile away.” He shrugged.

“And how would you know what I like? "You smirk.

"Well I know movies. And women. ” he smiled, his bright blue eyes burning into your soul.

“Really?” You pretend to be impressed.

“Mhm.” He nods.

“Okay.” You put the movie back. “Well then, why don’t you tell me what I want?” You smirk.

He smiled to himself, and leads you over to the suspense and hands you a movie. “The lady vanishes?” You raise a brow.

“Mhm.” He nods, a proud smirk on his face.

“Why is that?” You ask looking up at him.

“Well, firstly you can never go wrong with Hitchcock. Ever. It’s got comedy, drama, romance, it’s a thriller. It’s classy, but not stuffy. And it’s a little obscure, so if you haven’t seen it you’ll thank me for introducing you to it. If you have, you’ll know what a good choice it was..”

“Well…I have seen it.” You say.

“Mhm.” He grins.

“And it is a really good choice…” you trail off.

“Mm.” He smirks.

“However,” you point out, “not as good as Rebecca, notorious, vertigo or pretty much any of his films from 1960 to 1972. "His smirk drops, "in fact, it’s sort of a second tier title.”

He chuckled nervously, “a second.” He mumbles to himself. “You know what? Scratch that-”

You sigh, “Look, I see you surveying the prospects that one over there in foreign? To much angst. This one in the sweater set picking out animated movies? That girl will have your children named before breakfast.”

He chuckled, “The problem is, no one looks like a clean getaway. I get it you come in here looking for a girl renting a movie clearly she doesn’t have a date for the night. We’re easy targets. You look like the kind a guy interested in a one day rental if you know what I mean. But if you knew anything about Woman or anything about me, you’d know I’m perfectly capable of choosing my own movies.” You grab the sea movie that you have chosen when you first walked in. “But thanks.” You glance at him. “Happy hunting.” You walk past him leaving him standing there shocked.


At work later on in the week you were standing infront of the group that had tested a new rotisserie grill.

“Good morning everyone.” you smiled.

“Good morning (Y/N) . ” they smiled back.

“We are here today to talk about grills. Does anyone have any first impressions? ” you look down at your clipboard before looking up.

“I like the rotisserie feature.” A lady in pink raises her hand.

“Perfect, that’s very helpful.” You take note.

A familiar voice speaks up, “I don’t think it heated up fast enough. ” you frown and look up. “Like something was wrong with the motor, maybe the spark was dead..” he put the news paper down and you internally groaned when you saw the same guy from the movie store.

“Actually sir, there’s nothing wrong with the spark some people think grills just burst into flames at the slightest touch, it doesn’t work like that. ” You smirk “does any body have any useful opinions? "You look out at the crowd.

A lady in blue raised her hand, "I thought the lid was hard to handle. ”

“Mhm.” You take note on your clipboard.

“Ugh the lid!” The same annoying man groans, “what a pain, right? I just felt the whole thing to be a bit stiff, uptight, not really user-friendly. ” he insinuated.

“Well I think it depends on the user. ” you glare at him.

“Mm, it just so happens I have a lot of experience with grills. I’m something of a grill master. ” he stands and begins to walk over to you.

“Uh, this is a sophisticated grill. Not sure if you’ve dealt with one of these before. ” you fake pout.

“Or maybe A grill like this is just so scared of being burned that it stays on simmer and never really heats up all the way…” he gets really close and his hand goes towards the grills.

“Don’t touch my grill.” You glare at him.

“I don’t think a grill like this can handle a guy like me. "He smirked looking down at you with his piercing blue eyes.

"I think it could.” You cross your arms.

“Really?” He smirked.

“Easily.”

“Prove it. 8 pm. Barcelona. Tomorrow.” He stared down at you.

You scoff, “I don’t think so.” You look away.

“Alright, I just I could stick around a little longer, talk about grills. Charcoal or gas, number 19 what do you think? "He looks out at the crowd.

You groan, "if I say yes will you leave? This is my job.” You mutter.

“Eight pm, tomorrow.” He smirked triumphantly.

“Fine.”

“Fine.” He smirked.

“Fine.” You glare before looking away.

He checked you out and leaned forwards slightly taking a sniff, “you smell nice.” You roll your eyes and he chuckled before walking out.


Tags (open): @heaventide @spidweeb @theassetseyeliner @kjs-s @thewinterswimmer  @myteenwolf-world  @lostinspace33 @buckyywiththegoodhair @marvelgoateecollection @addictionmarvel @hollycornish @sinfulfanfictionkitten @sebbylover24 @hogwarts-the-history @prostheticsoldier @s-acafst @learisa @ballerinafairyprincess @universal-glitch @youreverydayzebra @cameronahugenerd @buckys-fossil @buckybabybaby @brighterlights @38leticia @hollycornish @bluehairprincess98 @ceriseenragee @supersoldierslover @kanupps06 @alexrodriguez1269 @engineeringgirlcve @shitty-imagines-95 @dandycandy75 @emikatofshield @carailly @sjmiller313 @logan0p0s @patzammit @its-daydreamer23 @gabby913 @crazy-girl2196 @marveldcmistress @1975soss @seb-styles 

(Tagged random, ill remove anyone who doesn’t want to be tagged.)

(Tags Still Open!)