Hi im a closet transboy. I know that coming out while I'm still living with my parents will only make my life worse, but this is getting so hard to deal with. Sometimes I feel like im gonna snap and just let it out. I don't know how to deal with this; it's tearing me part everyday. Does anyone have any advice? I don't have anyone to ask for help.
My advice is find somewhere that you can be you and supports you away from home. It’s what I did when I was with my parents and it helped a lot. Things really do get better as you get older!
alex pls help me i'm gay and lonely and need to know what kissing a girl feels like
it feels like a breathe of air tbfh…..especially when you haven’t gotten kissed in a really long time, and you’ve just been imagining it - it lives exactly up to all of your wildest expectations. it’s like when you come home after a long day and pour yourself a big glass of wine and finally put your feet up. you can feel her hair on your cheeks and her lips are always so soft and totally taking over yours, she’s smiling a little and you can hear her trying not to breathe too hard. sometimes she breaks away to laugh. sometimes you pull away to breathe and you can feel her, an inch from you, waiting for you to pull her back in. her breathing shaky. she’s warm. her hands are tentative but firm on your shoulders or neck or on your hands. she takes a second to open her eyes when you stop, like she doesnt want it to end.
and when you go home??? you can feel her lips on yours, like a light and soft and constant pressure, for the rest of the day.
attention college freshmen/anyone feeding themselves for the first time
this is for you
it has come to my attention that some people are not feeding themselves properly bc they don’t know how to cook/aren’t sure how to cook on a budget. bc i am everyone’s mom (or at least everyone’s wise older sister) let me drop some very real Broke Rookie Cooking Knowledge. 2 of my favorite recipes are under the cut, both of which come out to $2 OR LESS PER SERVING.
-MAKE a MENU. pick out like 5 things you know how to make and buy JUST WHAT YOU NEED FOR THOSE THINGS. and also a few snacks, but otherwise, JUST THAT. don’t just buy some random-ass groceries you think you’ll need. (also, if you don’t know how to make 5 things, seriously just google simple dinner recipes. i used a “mississippi heirloom cookbook” my aunt gave me and got a ton of good ones.)
-tbh i don’t even buy snacks except for a giant box of cookies that lasts me like 2 weeks at a time and an assload of apples. snacking is bad for you, and if you don’t HAVE snacks, you can’t EAT snacks. fuck snacks.
-off-brand EVERYTHING. you think you can taste a difference? you CAN’T. get shit in cans. vegetables. pasta sauce. salsa. whatthefuckever. it all comes in cans, and it’s always cheaper. i have no idea why.
-whole grain bread and brown rice/pasta are not more expensive than the regular kind, and they keep you full longer. GET THEM.
-@ my americans, Dollar Tree has literally everything. every kitchen utensil. (it’s where i got my big-ass chef’s knife, and that bitch is still sharp.) dishes/cups. snacks. drinks. literal loaves of bread. all kinds of basics, from peanut butter to sriracha to progresso soup. some even have freezer sections. all for ONE DOLLAR. go to Dollar Tree first, then go to the grocery store for whatever you couldn’t find there. i s2g it saves me so much money. (they also have tupperware, cleaning supplies, toilet paper, EVERYTHING. for one dollar.)
-produce is way cheaper than you think. get some fresh vegetables. you really will start to feel like a bag of hot garbage if you don’t eat your veggies.
-COOK in ADVANCE. i work during the day and go to school in the evenings, then i come home and work out. lemme tell you, my ass does NOT wanna cook when im done with all that. cook shit in big quantities, stock up on tupperware (dollar treeeeee), and stick it in the fridge for later. when you’re exhausted and remember you have instant dinner already made, you will want to kiss yourself.
-find some sandwiches you love. make a lot of sandwiches. (pls for the love of God dont use kraft american singles tho. deli-sliced cheese is literally right next to it, and it is NOT more expensive.)`
-FUCK organic free-range shit. you got organic free-range money? GREAT. i sure as hell don’t, and neither do most people. don’t waste your money trying to live your foodstagram #goals while you’re young and poor.
-if you qualify for SNAP/EBT, GET THAT SHIT. there are some assholes out there that will tell you not to, to leave it for the ~real~ poor people. tell them, ‘motherfucker I AM REAL POOR.’ for real though, corporations take advantage of any assistance the government gives them and they still lobby for more. you’d be a fool not to do the same.
What I love about All time low is that, even when listening to their new album for the first time, all the songs have some sort of familiarity in them. It feels like coming home. All time low feels like home.
so i’ve been making monthly fic recs for a full year now! that’s so insane to think about honestly. thanks for all the support! my first monthly fic rec was for april 2016 and it had 10 fics on it. now they have upwards of almost 30 fics. that’s character development. anyway…
here are a bunch of fics I’ve enjoyed and loved reading throughout the month of march. I recommend that you read these great fics in april, if you haven’t already.
(all fics with a star are my favorites and if there are two stars then it was a favorite favorite)
What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding.
What happens when all you had, all you loved, all you held dear is viciously ripped away from you? When your inner core, once filled with love and hope and light, blackens to raw, dark hatred?
What happens when your soul is hopelessly consumed and no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you attempt to shake yourself out, to rid your tormented mind of the opaque feelings that plague you, all you can see, all you can feel, all you can want is…
A modern adaption of The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. A tragic tale of timeless undying love, merciless revenge, and selfless sacrifice.
-Watch closely when someone gets in Max’s face/ swings at him (examples: those two times David yelled at him, when Preston yelled at him, when Pikeman swings at him, ect) he flinches. Badly. He just doesn’t give a short jump, he closes his eyes and he backs up.
-He’s kind of immune to pain??? Throughout one single episode, he gets stabbed, punched in the face, slapped multiple times, and he gets tangled up in a bunch of ropes. In another episode, he gets thrown off the Flowerscouts’ “proper walking/ posture” course thing. And he doesn’t really land in the liquid/ acid shit like Space Kid does. He actually gets thrown off. And I know a lot of detail isn’t put in this specific show, but that could’ve really hurt him. But everytime he gets hurt no marks show up on his body (the only reason I’m pointing this out is because when DAVID gets hurt, he gets bandages and scratches/ scars afterwards) and he kinda just walks off all his injuries. (But! In one episode he does get effected by one of Harrison’s magic tricks, and he points out that he doesn’t feel well… Three times??? In that episode.)
-He doesn’t eat a lot. He’s shown drinking coffee in… I’m p sure four different episodes, and he’s shown eating breakfast in one (EDIT: I watched the episode again cuz its one of my favs, but I noticed he doesn’t even eat any. He’s just playing with it with his fork, and he leaves for the shower before he eats). And while everyone else is in line for breakfast (season 1 episode 11) he wants coffee. Hell, even in the theme, he has nothing on his plate while Neil and Nikki have… Food?? On their’s.
-Max has admitted to crying himself to sleep (S1 Ep8)
And before you all come at me, yes. I know. It’s 110% canon that the a majority of the other camper’s lives are pretty fucked up, too. I’m just saying, like?? The other campers sometimes mention their life at home, but every time “home lives” are brought up, to me it feels like Max was scripted (purposely) to not respond.
I dunno.. This has all been on my mind for a while aofbakfjanf
THIS ERA TOOK OFF LIKE A ROCKET LIKE WE LITERALLY WENT FROM HAVING NOTHING BUT SILENCE AND DREAMS TO HAVING A BLACKOUT TO HAVING AN ALBUM COVER AND A SINGLE COMING AND NOW SHES LURKING AGAIN IN LESS THAN A WEEK AND NONE OF US WERE PREPARED IM SO EMO I CANT TAKE ALL OF THIS GUYS IT FEELS LIKE HOME AGAIN AND I LOVE YOU ALL
CALLIE NOW I KNOW THAT I WAS WRONG I MESSED UP AND NOW YOURE GONE!!!! CALLIE IM SORRY I NEGLECTED U OH I NEVER EXPECTED U TO RUN AWAY AND LEAVE ME FEELING THIS EMPTY!!! UR WOOMY RIGHT NOW WOULD SOUND LIKE MUSIC 2 ME. PLZ COME HOME CUS I MISS U CALLIEEEEEE (callie come home) -askmarie
not to be cheesy but you know how liam said that no matter where the boys are in the world, whenever they see each other it’s like nothing has changed? that’s exactly how i feel about 1d: i can listen to and appreciate any artist i want, but whenever a 1d song comes up or the boys talk about each other, it always feels like going home and that’s exactly the reason i will be here for them whenever they feel like coming back, 2 or 20 years from now
Its been an overwhelming two weeks with the new addition to the family. So here is a little something due to all the baby feels. I like to image Leia and Han coming home from a meeting (date) to find an exhausted Ben tucked in already due his Uncle Chewie’s (and Luke’s). They would be excellent babysitters :V
omg i just found ur blog i love ur stuff so much. could i possibly have rfa + unknown doing the "boyfriend duty"? like mc is stuck at home with no tampons or pads and asks them? lol sorry im dealing with really bad cramps right now and im having a crappy day to top it. i just thought i might ask? sorry if it makes you uncomfrortable. <3
Aww, thank you! Sorry you’re having a rough day. Hope this makes you feel a little better.
General Scenario: You’re at the apartment and your period comes earlier than expected….and you’re all out of tampons/pads. You’re super embarrassed but you call them and ask if they can pick up a pack.
He’s done this before
He has had other girlfriends
He has no shame at the store and knows exactly what to get
But he also shows up at your place with a whole load of chocolates
Waits on you hand and foot
“Zen, I just have my period. I’m not dying.”
Still treats you like a princess
Constantly makes sure you have a hot pack and water
You two watch his musicals all day
He has a sister, so he’s encountered this before
But he’s still really flustered
Is kinda embarrassed about being seen buying pads at the store
“Zen hyung, do you have any of your masks?”
Swallows his pride cuz it’s you and does what he needs to do
He comes and brings his lucky LOLOL blanket
Is a super worrier…constantly asks if you need stuff
Puts his coffee skills to use and makes a heart in the foam
Lots of cuddles
She literally goes through the same thing
Turns into the mom-friend
She’s stocked up with extra pads/tampons, so it only takes her a few minutes to get to you
Also has extra pain meds
Brings a cup of hot chocolate with her
Talks to you to distract you from the pain
If your cramps were really bad, she’d cook you dinner and make sure everything was in order
Calls you the next day to see if you’re a bit better
“Oh no, I’ll send Driver Kim to get some–”
“No! Jumin, that’s really embarrassing.”
Fine…he’ll go to the store himself
He doesn’t care what people think, so he just goes to the right aisle
There’s another woman in the aisle, and he kinda throws her off by asking her, “Excuse me…which brand is the absolute best?”
Buys a bunch of things he thinks will make you feel better
But he’s especially excited to get you these sweatpants since you always say how comfy you are
You’re a bit emotional when he comes, so when he gifts you with them, you cry
“Are you okay?? They’re just pants, dear? Do they upset you?”
Handles your mood swings reallyyyyy well and just goes with it
Gives you some wine to relax you
Also has an exact schedule for your pain killers….exactly every four hours on the dot.
He has 0 experience in this
He’s not embarrassed until he gets there and has no idea what to get
Tries to call Vanderwood for back up…but he hangs up on him
Ends up getting a bunch of brands and types (and also snacks)
When he gets there, he shows you the spongebob tampons he bought
Also brings out red pads.
“MC, you know what red represents?” *Winks*
You stare at him horrified
“Romance!” seven nooooo
Super serious when he sees you in a lot of pain
While you nap, he’ll make a robot that dispenses pain-relievers every 4-6 hours
Like Seven, he has no experience with any of this
But he’s a lot less flustered about it
Does research online about period needs and remedies
The cashier is more scared of Saeran glaring at him than the other way around
He gets to your apartment and brings out all this practical stuff
He got a whole pack of water bottles and….a yoga ball?
“Yoga is a great way to relieve cramps and keep your menstrual cycle normal.”
You’re trying not to laugh because he’s actually really sweet about it
You ask for him just to cuddle, since it relaxes you
He says no at first…but then of course, he’s at your side five minutes later
OK BUT THE LYRICS TO ULTRALIGHT BEAM BY KANYE THAT HARRY’S GONNA COVER
When they come for you, I will shield your name I will field their questions, I will feel your pain No one can judge They don’t, they don’t know They don’t know
Father, this prayer is for everyone that feels they’re not good enough This prayer’s for everybody that feels like they’re too messed up For everyone that feels they’ve said “I’m sorry” too many times You can never go too far when you can’t come back home again That’s why I need… Faith, more, safe, war
A concept: Kevin Day and Aaron Minyard talking mad shit about Andrew and Neil. Kevin talking about how he's sick of Andrew "pretending" he doesn't care about Exy and then Aaron replying, "I'd take that over Neil eye fucking the court every day"
i….love this….so much oh my god ok
so andrew and neil are on one of theyre “this is nothing but we go on weekend trips together to makeout” things
so kevin needs to practice bc he’s Extra™ and…he’s still having a little trouble relaxing without andrew around all the time
andrew gave aaron a look before he left that aaron knows means to watch out for kevin
aaron’s complete disinterest manages to deter kevin from practice for two full days
never underestimate aaron’s ability to be stubborn to spite someone else ok
but finally FINALLy it’s not kevin’s incessant bitching that gets aaron to go to the court with him
it’s aaron getting back from classes and not getting immediately bombarded with requests to go to the court
it’s coming home to a silent kevin staring out the window, rubbing his scars
aaron sighs deep to hide the fact that he’s concerned and changes into light workout clothes and grabs kevin
he also ignores how much kevin lights up when they turn onto the street of the foxhole court
this is an example of aaron “im not allowed to feel anything at all ever” minyard
also an example of aaron “knows where matt keeps a spare key to his truck” minyard
at first aaron refuses to practice with kevin
but he “gets bored” or whatever he likes to tell himself
see, aaron actually likes exy. he likes the way he can channel all his frustrations into it. he spends so much time studying and trying to figure out his brother and trying to figure out what the hell he wants from his life so sometimes he just needs to run around and knock people on their asses, ok?
its also pretty much the only times he can remember connecting with andrew
kevin is, like always, completely immersed, and barely notices aaron getting on the court until he walks by him to block his way to the goal
kevin’s on the courts because he can breathe there. he’s on the court because its where is mother put him. its the only place he mattered after she died, where he felt like a living thing rather than an asset.
he’s there because even though he’s happy for andrew and neil, he really is, he’s still figuring out how to stand on his own. the court’s been the only place he really felt he could do that.
now aaron may be on the court
he may have come to be there for kevin shut kevin up
but you best believe he’s gonna bitch about it
“fine, i’ll go, but i’m gonna complain the whole time” yea that’s aaron
after like one snide comment though Bitchy Kevin comes out to fuckin play and it goes a little something like:
kevin: andrew knows he’s good but does he try? of course not. see, that’d be fucking easy. that’d be simple. nothing is simple with him. *cue kevin taking an unnecessarily forceful shot on goal*
aaron: and don’t even get me started on neil just asking him for things. are you kidding. andrew doesn’t do anything ever at all and neil just??? asks him??? and he does it???
kevin: I KNOW. AS IF I HAVEN’T BEEN MAKING SIMPLE REQUESTS FOREVER.
(both of them are secretly wondering why they don’t bitch to each other more often)
the best part though, is when aaron is at the height of his rant and says, “You know, i don’t even want to do extra practice, but I’d take this over Neil eye fucking the court every goddamn day”
kevin just fucking breaks like he drops his racquet and everything
aaron hasn’t ever seen kevin laugh???? its kind of beautiful surprising??
kevin gets a hold of himself and wow
he doesn’t think he’s ever seen aaron smile he’s surprised how much he likes it
after that kevin’s feeling better
they head back to the dorms and play video games for a while, order food. just kinda hang out
nothings really changed, per se, but….things are definitely different.
more often than not now kevin will just go to the library to watch his taped games with headphones on while aaron studies, occasionally getting kicked in the shin when he gets too excited
when neither of them want to sleep because they know its one of those days they’ll have nightmares they go to the library’s 24 hr lounge and eat shitty microwave ramen (aaron is sworn to secrecy…no one can know kevin loves creamy chicken ramen) and try to teach each other bio or history
aaron only had a mother who hurt him growing up, and kevin only had the memory of his mother and people who hurt him growing up . without saying anything, they just understand.
in conclusion because aaron is accidentally really funny, kevin and him get a lot closer, which is good, cause they both kinda needed it
they wouldnt say they were friends, or are friends, but…maybe its a little “nothing” of their own
nothing fucks me up more than thinking abt how weird n silly harry and louis probably are w/each other @ home like goofing around n dancing like idiots when their fave songs come on while making dinner and making dumb faces at each other when they catch the other staring and making weird random noises when the feeling strikes them bc they’re just comfy being weird and in love
“Can you smell that? Like rotting flesh. Just like back in Antiva City. Now if only you could find me a prostitute or two, a bowl of fish chowder and a corrupt politician, I’d really feel like I was home!”