this face should have be not allowed

dancing-thru-clouds  asked:

So wait. Uncle Popeye got beat up by a gamecock? Aren't those things like, three pounds soaking wet?

OH NO ITS BETTER THAN THAT.

Popeye got beat up by an AMERICAN WOODCOCK, which is…  I’ll allow this video to explain:

They walk like that because any reasonable carnivore looks at that and goes “That can’t possibly be food.”  They’re also called “Timberdoodles” have nearly rear-facing eyes, upside-down brains, and go “PrrrEENT”.  They’re basically real-life cuddly cryptids,

and they’re like, 8 ounces. Tops.

BUT POPEYE MANAGES TO FUCK THIS UP.

Popeye got it into his head that he should train Grandma’s weirdo terrier mix “Spooky” to be a bird Dog, mostly because grandpa wouldn’t go hunting with him after Popeye shot him in the foot.  Grandma, already having two children, two normal cats, a profoundly stupid cat, a canary and a tarantula to look after, decided to let Spooky go with him.  

“She’ll be good supervision for him.”  grandma said.

We’re not sure what made Popeye think Spooky would be a good bird dog, because if all the dogs of the world were one together, what was left over was Spooky, to paraphrase my favorite Celtic fairy tale.  She was about 35lbs of smooth-coated solid black with long legs and half a tail.  She was named “Spooky” for the white patch on her chest that grandma said looked like a ghost late at night.  Spooky never barked, only made agitated garbage disposal noises and whistle-snorts.

But off into the Ohio Woods Popeye goes with Spooky, who is less than thrilled with this because she’d been a stray before, and was now very pleased with this new life of couches, indoor heating and fattening table scraps.  She does Not Like the woods.  The woods are cold and wet and full of ticks and she’d rather be at home, under the radiator perhaps.  

Eventually, they come across a woodcock, not in the woods but in the parking lot of the 7-11 after getting lost in the woods and deciding to get a slurpee and hot dog instead.  Spooky is halfway through eating her hot dog, sees the Woodcock derping along, and decides that Processed meat is better than whatever the fuck that is, and goes back to her hot dog.

Popeye decides to *demonstrate* what Spooky is supposed to do… by getting on his hands and knees and trying to jump on the woodcock to catch it with his mouth.

Spooky decided that this is madness, and goes home to collect my grandmother to come save his ass.  This was impressive, as spooky had no sense of direction and a slurpee cup stuck on her face when she arrived. 

By the time Grandma got down there, Popeye had gotten clawed in the face, pecked directly in the eye, eaten pavement, had the police called on him, and broke his wrist.

She did, however, get to see the bird as it came down from the roof.  It perched on his ass, Prreent-ed, and shat on him.

If you are not Indigenous to the place you live, the absolute most basic thing you should do is learn about the nations whose ancestral land you live on.

Who were/are they? What languages did/do they speak? What connections did/do they have to specific sites? What are the circumstances of the dispossession which allowed you to live there? Where are they now? What struggles do they currently face?

i should have done more but this is all my attention span would allow ahaha

@terror-in-the-dream​ - yo i AM LIVING for your style, the spacing between your features is like so different but PERFECT like im crying, and DON’T even get me started on ur colours ;-; its like im in a foggy kaleidoscope daydream whenever i look at it, like im teleported into a soft warm summer haze.

@eightmonkeys - your style is so unique, you pick certain features and exaggerate them and like????? it always looks so good???? and all your faces are so different and i can always tell exactly who it is???? also the way you draw Laurens is AMAZING <3 A++++++++ so good

literally all I want is an au where when the Robins are asked about their identities, they bold-faced lie through their teeth

and they just end up creating these elaborate double-lives that no one is allowed to meet but they talk about them when asked with half-truths and lots of splicing like 

“So how did you become Robin?”

“I embezzled funds from him not realizing who it was, and he was so impressed he wanted to see what else I could do with proper guidance and training. He may have also been a little scared of what I would do without a strong moral compass. You should see what I can do with a piece of string, two boxing gloves, and a haz-mat suit.”

“What’s it like living with Batman?”

“Eh, it’s okay. We need to replace the windows soon because someone keeps grappling through them, but so far none of the other tenants have figured out why, so we figure we’re probably fine as long as no one shuts the attic window again.”

“So what do you do for fun when you’re not in uniform?”

“Stalk Bruce Wayne–”

What?”

“–’s kids’ social media profiles.”

anonymous asked:

Is it possible that Magnus saying "nothing" was more of a "I am not here to pressure you or want anything from you while you are missing Jace"? Of course, I definitely still agree with you that Magnus should be allowed to set some boundaries too

I mean trailers are always sketchy to predict from, but I really don’t think so. Magnus’s body language and tone are really closed off; like yes he’s backing off but it isn’t exactly him being thoughtful of Alec. He’s backing off because that’s what he does when the other person isn’t listening and he knows there’s nothing else he can say – and that it isn’t worth the effort to keep pushing.

We saw him be like this in 1x12 when he tells Alec he has a choice: I’m done, the ball is in your court, do what you want but don’t look to me for approval. Magnus has always run cold where his temper is concerned, whereas Alec runs hot, so it’s interesting when they have conflict. I think because Alec grows louder while Magnus becomes very quiet, it’s easy to mistake Magnus as…less angry or upset, but I don’t believe that’s true. For Magnus, his icy biting words are the equivalent of Alec raising his voice. They both have a temper and they both express it freely; it just manifests in opposite ways.

Okay listen Imagine lying in bed all cuddled up next to your boyfriend Calum, while he is still asleep. So you use the moment to not so creepily watch him, because he usually gets to shy when you study his features and you just can’t yourself and admire your handsome boy, wondering how you got so lucky. After some time he opens his eyes and as soon as he catches you staring he starts to hide his face in his hands and crawls further under the blanket and demands with his raspy morning voice that you should stop staring. You do as he wishes, because you know how embarrassed he gets and tell him that you’ll go and make breakfast, but Calum just holds onto you and doesn’t let you leave the bed, trying to hold on to one of the rare mornings you both have together as long as possible. Soon you start to notice that he studies you features just as well, as you try to do with his and ask him why he is allowed to do so and you aren’t. And he just answered that he tries to not to get to close to you, in case you have to break up over the long distance or he fucks something up while he is on tour. And you knew calum had some issues with relationships and the term of love, that is what everyone was saying at least. So you start to ramble about how you want to spend the time you together as close as possible in the best way ever, so you have nothing to regret in case you may break up. And suprisingly he agrees and in your euphoria about the achievement, you accidentally let the three big words slip out of your mouth and you immediately close your eyes, you don’t wanna see the reaction of the boy that apparently isn’t capable of love. But he just says it back, telling you that the time he spends with you, is in fact the first time he feels alive and at peace since a long time!

I concentrated on the girl sitting before me, who once was full of love and energy, was now tired and drained.

“He broke her.” I shook my head in disagreement at the mysterious voice coming from behind me.

“She broke herself trying to love someone who didn’t deserve her love yet.” I watched as the girl’s dim, brown eyes shifted around the room, trying to find something to distract herself from thoughts of him.

“So, you think it’s her fault?” The voice cracked almost in pain. Again I shook my head in disagreement, quicker this time.

“He knew what he was putting her through, and he knew that she loved him enough to go through it. He should not have allowed her to damage herself to save him, so no it’s not her fault,” I smiled sadly at the heartbroken girl before turning to face the voice, “It’s yours.”

—  excerpt from a book i plan on writing #024
Excelsior [1/19]

Yuri on Ice // Viktor x Yuuri

Yuuri wanted the reporters to leave knowing one thing: That he had found Viktor in a way that they had not; that Viktor was his in the same way that he was not theirs: utterly, entirely, completely.

Tags: skating, homophobia, LGBT, fluff, angst, fluffy angst, occasional NSFW, grouchy yuri, post-Grand Prix Final

1 // | Read on AO3

It’s funny, Yuuri thought. I never thought I’d actually win.

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Baby Dami Headcannons for @thegalacticpope

Bruce loves to pick him up and flip him upside down. Damian giggles nonstop the whole time then demands it happen again.

He loves Steph’s purse when it’s slung over anything. He hits it and watches it wobble then does it again

If he falls and everyone makes a big deal about it he will sulk. He did not get hurt and should not have gained that attention

He’s a picky eater, but will eat lemon slices whole without making a face at all (Tim doesn’t understand how it’s possible and feeds Damian lemon everything to try and get a reaction Damian allows it because he loves lemon)

Dick and Cass are the baby whisperers. They are the only two who can get him to stop crying, even in the worst of his tantrums

Dick, because Damian loves him, loves the way Dick tickles and plays with him. Loves the bright smiles Dick always gives him and the quasi serious conversations Dick has with him while working

Cass because she speaks his language. Better than anyone else she understands how and why he’s feeling the way he is.

Damian will fight sleep. He knows exactly when he’s getting tired and will fight it with everything in him. He’ll insist on attention or find anything to play with.

Dick has a video of him trying to stay awake for a hour by throwing anything he could get his hands on at Tim. His throws gradually go from spot on head shots to the teddy bear that only made it halfway across the gap between them

Damian hates new people. He’s fine around his family. But anyone new will receive a glare and exactly none of his attention until either Dick, Steph, or Cass can convince him that new person is ok.

Jason secretly loves babysitting Dami. He’ll grumble every time he’s asked to do it but the moment Damian’s in his arms he’s already talking to the kid about all the stuff they’re going to do. He doesn’t mind playing with toys but he loves to just relax with Damian tucked beside him on the couch and veg out on kids shows

Harleen’s Intern Part 3

You remained on the ground, knees pulled to your chest. You felt anxious, embarrassed, but most of all you were angry. You were angry at J for manipulating you but mostly you were angry at yourself for allowing him do it. Dr. Quinzel lowered herself to the ground next to you. “I’m so sorry y/n, I never should have left you alone with him.” You lifted your head to face Dr. Quinzel. “It wasn’t your fault, it was mine, I really thought I could handle him on my own. Turns out I was wrong.” Dr. Quinzel rested her hand on your shoulder. “I thought you handled yourself very well, it’s hard to predict Mister J’s behaviors, and I thought you showed a great deal of confidence.” You faked a slight smile. “Thanks Dr. Quinzel that means a lot.” Dr. Quinzel squeezed your hand. “Maybe you should go home and get some rest, and I think it might be a good idea if you skipped a few of Mister J’s sessions. I’ll figure out a way to handle him.” You nodded your head feeling exhausted suddenly. Dr. Quinzel rose to her feet and held her hand out to you helping you up. You returned to Dr. Quinzel’s office to gather your things before leaving. When you reached the door you waved in her direction. “Goodbye.” She smiled. “Bye y/n I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You returned home and headed straight to your bedroom. You changed into some pajamas and climbed into bed, you felt the need for a nap, an hour is all you needed. You wrapped yourself in your blankets and drifted off to sleep. ’You returned home after another long day at Arkham. You kicked off your shoes and headed to your bedroom to change. you pulled off your shirt exposing a purple laced bra. That seems odd you don’t remember putting this on this morning. You shook the thought away. You attempted to reach for a new shirt but a pair of pale arms had wrapped themselves around your torso. You jumped slightly at the unexpected touch but you didn’t fight it. You looked down and a hand with a grin on it rested just above your belly button. J had pulled you closer to him whispering in your ear. “That color looks absolutely lovely on you princess.” You turned around to find J standing behind you, his arms never leaving your waste. He was shirtless exposing his many tattoos and muscular torso. He pulled you closer to him and tangled one of his hands in your hair. You should be terrified, how did he even get into your house? You didn’t care, in that moment you wanted to be close to him, wanted to feel his skin against yours. J pulled you into a rough kiss and you responded immediately. Your hands tangled themselves in J’s hair pulling him toward you and deepening the kiss. J’s tongue ran across your lips and you parted them allowing his tongue access to your your own. He finally pulled away and your lips ached for his to return. “Do you want this?” He asked rather seriously. You bit your lip and nodded your head. “Yes.” J growled and lifted you up and you responded by wrapping your legs around his waist. J carried you to your bed and he laid you down and climbed on top of you. J kissed your neck softly at first, then left a small mark down by your collar bone. His hands caressed your sides and sent shivers throughout your body. J trailed kisses down your stomach stopping just below your belly button…’ You woke up suddenly a little disappointed to leave the dream behind. You actually enjoyed the dream, enjoyed his touch, even though you knew you shouldn’t. There was just something about him, or a part of you that wanted him. You checked the clock that read 5:00 pm. You had slept longer than you wanted to. You forced yourself out of bed and headed to the kitchen. You felt too lazy to make an actual meal so you opened a can of soup instead. You spent the remainder of the night replaying the dream in your head and part of you hoped it would return when you went back to sleep for the night.

You headed back to Arkham the next day. You weren’t sure what you were going to be doing since there wasn’t a session to prepare for, perhaps you would look over some case notes or ask Dr. Quinzel if there were any other sessions you could sit in on. You were walking down the hall towards Dr. Quinzel’s office when the alarm started blaring through the overhead speakers, the alarm was sounded whenever a patient was lose in the building and considered to be dangerous. Sometimes the asylum would have drills but Dr. Quinzel always notified you beforehand. Your heart began to race as you realized this wasn’t a drill, people were running down the hall ignoring you completely, you felt yourself calm a little when Dr. Quinzel came into view. She rushed towards you and grabbed you by the shoulders. “Y/n, Listen very carefully, you need to go directly to my office and lock the door, don’t open it for anyone, I have my key, when everything has settled down I’ll come get you.” You nodded quickly and began running towards Dr. Quinzel’s office. You heard gun shots in the distance and quickly realized what must be happening. Mister J was attempting to escape. You ran faster and your chest began to burn from the exertion on your lungs. You finally made it to Dr. Quinzel’s office you ran inside and shut the door quickly locking it. With your back to the door you slid down to floor and tried to regain control of your breathing. You had finally started to relax when a familiar voice caused your heart to nearly stop. “I was beginning to think you weren’t gonna show doll.“ J emerged from the corner of the room grinning from ear to ear.

Originally posted by i-lost-my-puddin

Steven Universe has been on hiatus for so long that people have literally started making up Discourse about it in the absence of any episode topics

that’s why we’re suddenly seeing all these posts of Amethyst making a weird face with somebody complaining about how this off-model bullshit should never have been allowed on television

Movies teach us important lessons, like “The power was in you all along” or “If you travel back in time, don’t have sex with your ancestors, even if they’re really hot.” For the most part, we’re all happy to agree that “Love conquers all” and “We’re stronger together” and “Werewolves really should be allowed to play basketball.” But sometimes, Hollywood tricks us into thinking that because these lessons should be true, they are true. But in reality, if a werewolf tried to play high school basketball, he’d be shot in the face by Betsy DeVos.

But movies (you may want to sit down for this one) aren’t real life. On the mean streets of existence, “When they go low, we go high” is a great way to get punched in the crotch. Or eaten by vicious owls.

Obama’s election caused (or, to hear the Koch Brothers tell it, just happened to coincide with) the rise of the Tea Party. The Tea Party went through several incarnations, and meant a lot of different things to a lot of different people, but somehow they managed to coalesce around one deep political conviction: Everything Barack Obama said was wrong. If he said “Grass is green,” they said “No, it’s purple,” then noted that green is the unpatriotic color of Islam, and lawns should be defunded. It wasn’t fair, and it had very little to do with reality, but it was damn effective. Now Obama is being the perfect picture of class, urging the world to give Donald Trump a chance. Which Trump is repaying by tearing up as many of Obama’s policies as he can fit in his little hands.

Trump is even more polarizing than Obama, but elected Democrats aren’t as ruthlessly efficient at stymieing his agenda. While Trump is up to his eyeballs in Emoluments Clause violations, Democrats are burying the lede by only focusing on his nominees. It’s ridiculous that they aren’t able to mount an effective guerrilla-style political opposition to Trump, as he seems to be serving himself up on a platter. It’s not like liberal groups are always bastions of moral behavior.

Why Democrats Are Every School Yard Bully’s Wet Dream

There needs to be talk about how explicitly antiblack other community of colors are when it comes to a black person being mixed. Many black people have historically been ostracized from their community because many saw and still see blackness as a primary trait that can’t be “erased”. 

These communities will write thinkpieces and make sweeping statements about how “you need the blood/to face x type of racism” and when that doesn’t work will backpedal into “I don’t think you should be allowed to say you’re mixed if you aren’t involved with the culture (:” 

They create more and more hoops to jump through where we have to basically discard our blackness so we can be judged by this imaginary council on whether we’re “truly” mixed or not and its honestly? Tiring.

“They lawyered up” is such an awful phrase, though. It implies corruption on the part of someone simply because, well, they wanted a defense.

Seriously, if faced with the authorities, the first thing you should do is insist on your rights and demand a lawyer.

Watch Making a Murderer and the horrific scene where they coax the kid into confessing to a crime he clearly had no clue about.

If he had had a competent lawyer present, that wouldn’t have been allowed to happen. No way.  

Inspiration- Sirius Black

Originally posted by nellaey

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Characters: Sirius Black

Warnings: N/A

Request: N/A

Word Count: 452

Author: Charlotte

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Girl Crush. // Herminoe x Reader x Draco.

Title: Girl Crush.

Prompt: A confessing to their crush and crush turning them down. B then comforts A which leads to soft kisses tear streaked faces and lots of yelling.

Paring: Hermione x Reader x Draco

Warning(s): Girl Crush; you being bi/pan whatever you want; me loving LGBT ships; me still loving Draco; me also maybe having too much fun with this.

“Draco,” I whimpered as I walked up to him and his friends, his smile dropped as he looked at me. “Y/N,” his voice was soft as he fast walked up to me. “What’s wrong? Who made you cry? I swear if it was that bloody Potter, I’ll” I cut him off by shaking my head, allowing more tears to fall from my face. I guess I should go back and tell you what happened.

I walked with Hermione, so I can help her do some research for her and Harry. “Yeah, so Ron was being bloody stupid, he was going to do a spell, but said it wrong.” She paused laughing, I nodded giggling. “Thanks for walking me,” she smiled at me, I nodded smiling. She turned around and started walking away, “Wait Hermione, can I tell you something?” my voice was low, and I didn’t want anyone looking at us, “Of course,” she beamed, I looked at my hands while I messed around with my fingers, “I, uh, I kind of have this crush on you.” I whispered, her head tilted to the side, “What?” she giggled a little, “I have this huge crush on you Hermione,” I said a bit louder, her eyebrow raised. “Oh, um, well you know I like Ron, Y/N, and I just have never seen you that way.” Her voice was soft, trying her hardest not to draw attention to us. I nodded, turning around not wanting her to see me cry.

That’s when I found Draco.  I explained what happened as Pansy scoffed at me, Draco grabbed my hand and lead me to the Slytherin common room.  He went up the stairs to his bedroom, and sat me down on his bed. He wrapped his arms around me, allowing me to cry. “Sh, it’s okay.” He shushed me, I was trying my best not to let my sobs, he stroked my hair as I wet his shirt. “I’m sorry,” I whispered as I pulled away from him, a big spot was covered in my tears. He chuckled as he wiped away a couple of my tears, “Don’t worry, its okay.” He smiled, I shook my head. “I should go back to the Gryffindor common room.” I muttered, looking at him with blood shot eyes. His grey eyes looked in mine, I wanted to go to my shared room, and sleep, but Draco wouldn’t allow me.

“Stay,” he muttered looking at me, “You don’t want to hear me cry all night.” I laughed looking down, “I’m the one who calmed you down,” his eyes were on mine, “Anyways, don’t you think it’d be best to stay here for the night?” he asked, leaning back, his palms holding him up. I looked down at my feet and nodded, “I need to get clothes,” I muttered, he cocked an eyebrow, “You can use one of my shirts.” he shrugged getting up, he got one of his black tee-shirts, he set it on his bed smiling at me. I picked it up, going to his ad-on bathroom. I took off my shirt, and pants, putting on his oversized black tee-shirt.

I sat my clothes in a neat stack by his bathroom door; I walked to his bed where he was sprawled out across his bed, in his black boxers. I sat on his back, allowing him to know I was there. He looked to the side, showing me his face. “Thank you for being here.” I said getting off to lay beside him, “You’re welcome,” he smiled. I let a tear slip out of my eye and down my cheek. He kissed it before it could go any further. “You’re amazing, you know that?” he added, “And it’s her lost, she doesn’t deserve someone like you anyway.” He muttered, pulling me into him. I simply nodded, “Thank you though.” I whispered, closing my eyes.

A/N: Welp, this wasnt the best, but it’s okay?? Im watching Chamber of Secrets. But ships or requests?? Message me if you’d like by the way.

Things that always bother me in fiction

No one ever seems to consider the logistics of certain changes in how people’s bodies would respond to certain changes that should really be addressed.

For example, certain characters tend to have something permanently grafted to their bodies or certain anatomical features are removed in favor of allowing a monstrous character to be able to burst of their clothes and have nothing show.

But these leads to all sorts of problems, So Baron Zemo, who had his mask permanently grafted to his face and, in some versions such as Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest heroes it seems like his entire outfit is grafted to him. So how does he eat?

And follow up question, how does he produce waste if it is the versions with the fullbody version?

I bring this up because I’m watching The Batman (Okay cartoon series, mostly fun action show, does not have as much villain pathos as B:TAS but does alright when it does it.) And there’s this character, Black Mask, a crime boss, big organizer. My experience with him in the Batman Arkham games is that the mask is exactly what it says on the tin, a mask he puts on and off, seeming to only be there as a sort of mark of authority or fear tactic, we see Roman Sionis without the mask plenty.

But in The Batman the mask may not be permanently grafted, but it’s so well on there no one seems to be able to take it off except for him who probably knows the secret to it.

Black Mask has been in jail. He wasn’t just allowed to sit and starve. And it seems as though he’s never taken off the mask, so how on earth are they feeding him?

I don’t have specific examples I can think of for characters who have now lost the ability to dispense with waste matter due to transformation or sudden onset of grafted body parts, but it’s gotta be something people think about, right? I mean it’s sort of why I go out of my way to avoid it, because it just doesn’t make sense and I gotta think of characters as living breathing people that gotta get along in the world that eat, sleep, love, and poop like everyone else regardless of whether they’re good or bad.

I mean, does anyone else think about this and how messed up it is?

This is one of my favorite photos on the internet. I found it a while ago on Instagram and lost it. I’ve been looking all over for it and finally found it.

This is Ross at an album signing a few months ago when a guy fan asked if he was allowed to kiss him on the cheek. The reason this photo stands out to me is the fact that it’s not something we see a lot. In society, girls are able to express themselves and show emotions freely - the way it should be, without fear of being judged or having a label put on us. However with boys, it’s often difficult to do the same without being hesitant of what others may think. In the face of being labelled ‘soft’ or ‘gay’ (in situations when they aren’t.) Girls don’t really have to think twice about displaying affection but what’s shown in this photo is so sweet and refreshing, it’s something that boys should feel comfortable with and society should get used to seeing.