this ep broke my heart

[06.11.17]
Jung Joonyoung Instagram update:

“My dear hyung, I went and greeted you early yesterday morning. Joohyuk-ie hyung that I love, please rest peacefully. Although I still can’t believe it, I will live knowing you will always be watching over us with a smile. I’m thankfull and really love you. I still have a lot more I want to say so I’ll come to see you and say it directly. I miss you hyung.”

8

Lucien and Jean in Season 5
5.07 - “A Good Drop”

coffeebitch62  asked:

Ok, I am dying with Cas feels as per usual, but it was dean that broke my heart in this ep. Dean, whose greatest fear is telling people how much he cares and then them leaving him. Cas did what he feared most- but Dean is so sure of Cas he didn't shut him out like he did other times people do that. He just got angry and set out to find him. yes, to kick his feathery butt, but also- he actually went? He refused to let cas leave him? just??? feelings ******

GOD it’s like!!! Castiel did literally everything wrong in this episode as far as Dean goes. He acknowledged that he did receive the voicemails Dean was leaving, and he still didn’t pick up his phone. He comes back to the bunker and gains Dean’s trust back by falling into some quiet intimacy when the two of them are alone, and then he betrays that trust by stealing from him in the same moment. He, for all intents and purposes, steals the Impala. The IMPALA. After Dean handed him the keys. These are all Dean’s biggest pain points and insecurities! And Dean fixes Castiel’s stupid truck and he follows him because it’s literally the only thing to do.

But it’s not just obligation. It’s obviously not. Because when Dean thinks Castiel is about to die, he still screams. “No!!!” He’s clutching his broken arm, sprawled in the dirt, and all Dean can worry about is Castiel’s wellbeing. After Castiel pulls out a win - finally, fuck - Dean walks toward him in almost a daze. After everything, he still trusts Castiel to put his hands on him and heal him, so he lets him. This episode hurt like hELL, but mostly because Dean isn’t running away. He isn’t letting GO. This episode put at its forefront the struggle of Castiel proving his devotion to the Winchesters, but through showing and not telling it was also about the Winchesters’ (Dean’s) devotion right the fuck back at Castiel.

Like, guys. He made him a mix tape.

Katsugeki/touken Ranbu Ep. 10 *Spoilers*

Knew it! I knew something like this would happen. Am I happy for being right? not at all.

Damn, I knew it, I knew Kunihiro would react that way, and even worse, I knew Kanesada would talk to him the way he did.

Listen, I know the animation was fantastic, we had beautiful backgrounds, and I know that most of you guys got focused on Kane-san crying, i get it, that hurts me too, but what hurts me the most is all the things Kunihiro is going through.

Can we take a time to talk about him? please? 

This episode was foucused almost completely on Kunihiro and Kane-san, something we don’t see since episode 1, but there’s a huge difference between both episodes. On episode 1 we see Kunihiro worried  because he though that he couldn’t stand the pressure, that he would go and ruin everything, I’d even dare to say he was afraid of disappointing Kane-san, but Kanesada let him know that he´d be fine, that they would be fine, Saniwa believed in them, shit he even let Kunihiro know (indirectly) that he believed in him. But now… now we see Kanesada grew closer to Mutsunokami and left Kunihiro aside. He left his partner aside!! He left the boy who has always been there for him. I know they’re side by side when it comes to stand guard like on this part

But are they really toghether? I mean, I know Kane-san is not that afective, but why he seems to bee always serious around Kunihiro lately?

For what we see on this escene Kunihiro is suffering (and it’s not the first time in the whole season) but why doesn’t none of the guys do nothing? are they waiting for kanesada to be the one who talks to him so they can make things better by themselfs? if that’s the case, it’s not working at all.

I know Kanesada is having a rough time to, but he has Mutsunokami, damn, he does even still have Kunihiro to rely on, and more important: he wasn’t there, Izuminokami Kanesada was Hijikata’s beloved sword, but he wasn’t there when his master died, but Kunihiro did and thet’s why he is the one who is feeling the worst about this mission.

This part, this fucking part broke my heart. Kunihiro knows that they must to protect the history, that they must to complete their missions despite their personal interest, despite their feelings… but these bodies… emotions take control over them, and Kunihiro is oversensitive, this must be overwhelmig for him, yet he stil tries to do the right thing and protect Ryoma, but he couldn´t take it anymore while watching Kanesada cry, that must meant Kanesada felt the same way he was feeling right? Maybe Kane-san would understand him, maybe… but then, listen his partner say otherwise… then something broke inside him, so he was alone after all?

My sweet boy is suffering, he has been in pain for a while now, and he is so transparent that it must have been obvious to everyone, so why Kanesada acts that way towards him? he’s acting exactly the same Hijikata does, strict and inlfexible. 

I know they’re on a mission, that they are warrios and Kanesada needs to stand up as a captain but, damn you, Kanesada, yes, you’re the captain, you need to make sure all the members of your unit do the right thing, but you also need to make sure they keep together. And right now that boy doesn’t need a captain, he doesn’t need Izuminokami Kanesada, the 2nd unit’s captain; he needs Kane-san, he needs his partner, he needs the person that knows him better than anyone. On this body, on this live he’s nothing but a teenager, a boy who feels alone, a child who knows that is doing the wrong thing but stil does it ‘cause he wants to protect what is important to him, he wants to save the people he loves the most. Kanesada, next episode you better be the partner, you better be the big brother my boy needs you to be. So don’t you ever go away from him again, don’t you ever dare to let him behind the way you did today.

Listen, I know that Kunihiro is making all the wrong choices, but I stil can’t blame him, ‘cause I know how he is feeling. I can’t go against him ‘cause I love him so much it’s killing me, and cause I know that, if I was there with him, I’d follow him to the end of the world, no matter what I’d stand by his side ‘til the very end.

Can we talk about Ezekiel Jones in the video game loop for a second?

  • Ezekiel Jones who for 10, 20, 100 loops just lies down on a crate and laughs, mouthing everyone’s words right when they say them because he knows their script by heart by now, he knows right when his laughs shift to tears
  • Ezekiel Jones who kisses Jake, Cassandra, even Eve, who poors out everything he’s ever wanted to say to them just because he can, because it doesn’t matter
  • Ezekiel Jones who knows exactly where Eve keeps her pistol, who spends dozens of loops firing it at himself, hoping that maybe if he does it one more time, just one more, it will actually work
  • Ezekiel Jones who spends hours talking with each of the others individually, who knows them all better than he knows himself, who sometimes just locks the others inside the room and sits outside and tells them everything they’ve ever told him
  • Ezekiel Jones who has to make his best friends in the world trust him again and again, who’s known each of them for years longer than they remember and every time has to convince them that he’s different now, he’s more than they’ll ever know
  • Ezekiel Jones who breaks down on the last loop when he realizes that the people he’s depended on, that he’s told all his deepest secrets, won’t ever see him the same way he now sees himself
  • Ezekiel Jones who realizes this and knows that it will be easier to say he forgot, easier for them to think of him as the same old Ezekiel, the little sibling who can’t take care of himself. He knows that if they know, they’ll ask him how many times, how many times, and he won’t be able to answer
  • Ezekiel Jones who gets a paper cut on his hand and instinctively reaches behind him for a heath kit before he even realizes what he’s doing, who disguises it quickly with a scratch to the back of his neck and an offhanded joke
  • Ezekiel Jones who wakes up in the middle of the night with the same dreams, dreams of his friends being torn apart, dreams of their reaching hands barely missing his
  • Ezekiel Jones who will start an inside joke with someone before remembering that they don’t remember, that he’s not supposed to remember
  • Ezekiel Jones whose fighting skills rival Eve’s, who can quote thousands of lines of poetry, who knows the exact number of hertz for every note on a musical scale, who has years more experience in the field of quantum physics, urban warfare and archeology than anyone will ever know 
  •  Ezekiel Jones who is the bravest Librarian of them all
Never~ Zach Herron

Request- no

word count- 1456

warning- none, it’s sad though!

Summary: you get in a car crash and Zach has to cope.

~

You were on your way to meet up with your boyfriend Zach, you guys were planning on hanging out at the house. All the other boys were going to be doing their own thing, so the house was going to was going to be empty. You were excited because this was the first time you were going to be able to see him since the Vegas attack. You wanted to hold him and prove to him that everything was alright, because it was going to be.

You were driving on the highway, doing the speed limit like the good child your parents raised you to be. You always kept your hands at the ten and two position and checked your mirrors regularly. You were a safe driver, you looked down at your phone, seeing that Zach had texted you.

Zachary Dean <3

Hi baby! I can’t wait until you get here! I love you so frickin much!

You couldn’t help the smile on your face, you checked the road, then looked back down at your phone to reply. Your heart was racing from the amount of love you had for this boy. You were in the process of messaging him that you loved him too. But you never got the chance. Instead you felt your passenger side door push into your skin. You felt your car tilt and land on it’s roof. You felt your airbag hit your neck. You felt your head get pierced from the glass of your windshield that flew into your face as you crashed.

You felt that and so much more, but the only thing you thought about was Zach, the amount of love you had for him, how much you cared about him. And you were happy, in the end, you were happy. Happy when it all ended.

~

(switch to Zach’s narrative)

Zach was pacing around the living room, waiting for Y/N to show up. Tonight was going to be a great night, but his girlfriend hadn’t texted him back. He was starting to worry, but he just shook it off, knowing that she was a very safe driver. He walked across the room, feeling his heart pounding with nervousness and excitement. He was ready to finally take that final step with Y/N tonight.

He loved this girl with every ounce of his being. He loved the way she looked at him, the way she would scrunch her nose up when she was trying not to laugh. He loved the way she would put others first opposed to only caring about herself. He loved the way she would play with his hair when he was having a hard time sleeping, the way she would play with Reese when they visited his family. He loved everything about her.

He heard his phone start ringing from across the room. He was startled and jumped a little at the sudden sound. He ran over to where he had placed his phone, his heart pounding when he say Y/N’s name on his screen. Even after this long into your relationship, he still got butterflies when she called, messaged or even talked to him.

“Hey beautiful!” Zach said into the phone, anxiously waiting for her to reply. He felt the smile on his face appear and grow with each thought of his girlfriend.

“Hello Zachary, I’m Chief Swan and I’m calling because of a car crash that happened on the highway a few minutes ago. A young lady by the name of (Y/F/N) was hit and is now in the hospital in ICU. She was texting you back while driving and a truck rammed her drivers side door. Do you know this young lady?” The man on the other side of the call said to Zach. Zach felt his heart sink to his feet. His chest constricted in concern and anxiety.

“Yes, she’s my girlfriend.” He said almost silently into the speaker. He was starting to feel numb. He couldn’t even feel his legs, he couldn’t feel his chest. But above all, he couldn’t feel his heart. He was hurting so much that he didn’t know how he was feeling.

“Ok, listen here son. She’s in the Beverly Hills hospital and is in their ICU and she didn’t make it but you can say your goodbyes. Take care of yourself and make sure when you visit her, you get there safe.” The Chief said before hanging the phone up. Zach felt all of his emotions cascade over him.

He feel to the ground, holding his knees as he released his pain in the form of screams. His eyes burned with salty tears and his cheeks burned an even brighter red than ever. He just wanted to stop hurting, to stop feeling this aching feeling in his chest.

The front door was suddenly opened and four people walked in. They were his band mates, but Zach didn’t seem to notice, he just kept screaming. Trying to make the pain stop in the only way he knew how, by letting it out.

Zach continued to scream, as he started to pull at his hair. His head was hurting from all the thoughts that he was having.

What if he would have just went to her instead of her coming over?

What if he would have told her to take an uber?

What if he would have waited to text her?

What if he had just been there to protect her?

He should have just waited, he should have just been there. He could have saved her, she could be there with him. He just wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to tell her that it would be okay. But he would never get that chance anymore, he lost her and he could never get her back.

Zach felt a pair of hands grab his and pull them away from his head. He jumped a little, not realizing that anyone else was even in the house. He looked up to see Daniel holding his hands and Jonah squatting next to him.

“Zach, what the hell are you doing?” Jack asked in a raised tone. “Look at what you did!”

To be honest, Zach wasn’t even comprehending his surroundings anymore. He glanced down at his hands and saw the clumps of dark brown hair weaving through his fingers, it was then that he realized that he hadn’t felt the pain of ripping it off of his scalp. He looked up at each boy, his face stopping on Corbyn’s, who’s held the most sympathy and love.

“She’s gone. Y/n, she’s gone.” He could barely get the words out before his chest concaving in, sadness taking over his entire body. He started crying, leaning his head into Daniel’s chest as he did. Daniel comfortingly rubbed his hand over the younger boys head, while he had no idea what he was going on about, he still wanted to make sure that Zach was okay.

“Zach, who’s gone. Why isn’t she here?” Jonah said scooting closer to the brunette teen. Zach just shook his head. Overwhelmed with the inability to say any words without crying more than he already was. “Is it Y/N?” Jonah said quietly, attempting to calm the younger teen.

Zach nodded his head as the sound of her name felt like a shot to his heart. He tried to just breathe deeply, but it wasn’t working. He kept thinking about how this was all his fault, she would be alive if it wasn’t for him.

“she died.” He somehow managed to say. The room suddenly got quiet, everyone was shocked. Zach leaned away from Daniel and started hitting the ground. He wanted to hurt something but he knew she wouldn’t have wanted that.

“Zach… You have to stop. She would want you to be happy.” Daniel tried to say to the boy. Who just started laughing through his tears, it was a sad sound, a painful one at that.

“How am I supposed to be happy when the girl I love just died. How can I be happy when I’m the reason why she isn’t here anymore. How am I supposed to face her parents? How do I talk to her brothers and sisters? I don’t even want to be here without her. I was going to give a promise ring tonight. I wanted to marry this girl, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I wanted to raise a family with her. I wanted to wake up every morning and kiss her nose, telling her how beautiful she was. Now I’ll never get that chance because I texted her. I’ll never get to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love and appreciate her.”

And Zach never got to have his happy ending, but not everyone does.