Petition for 100k slow burn sterek coffee shop AU where all of the conflicts are extremely mundane but written as if they were catastrophic: Derek ordered a small latte, but Stiles gives him a large, and Derek insists on paying the correct amount to compensate for this clear mistake. Stiles calls Scott, sobbing that his greatest efforts have been rebuked, that he will never recover. Derek finally goes to Stiles', but is massively allergic to Stiles' cat. Teen Wolf season 6q: Benadryl and Boners
Oh my god, I wish I was a more dramatic writer so I could give this even just 1k of what it deserves, because this is amazing.
“He paid for the large, Scott—he paid for the large! He hates me!”
Followed by sixteen chapters of Stiles angsting over Derek’s clear rejection (when Derek just wanted to make sure Stiles didn’t get in trouble for giving away coffee).
And then he shoved shut up and leave me alone money into the tip jar! A wad of cash so Stiles would never talk to him again! (But really he just tipped very well because he knows those in the service industry are woefully underpaid for what they have to put up with).
50k of this fic is pure miscommunication–them talking around the real issue with wild verbal acrobatics, and at least five times, one of them leaves the conversation abruptly, of course just before they were about to clear it all up.
And the cat issue? Derek knows how much Stiles loves that cat, he can’t ruin things by admitting he’s allergic. Stiles would probably break it off based on that alone, he couldn’t be with someone who can’t be around his cat for more than an hour! So Derek just finds a lot of excuses to leave the apartment before his eyes start running and his sniffles get too obvious and his throat starts to close up.
But Stiles knows, man. He knows. Derek’s just humoring him by coming over, trying to stall until he figures out a way to let him down gently, why else would he always leave so abruptly? He’s never once stayed for dinner–which of course triggers Stiles’ insecurities about his cooking and all the recipes he learned with his mom before she died. It’s either Stiles or his cooking that’s such a turn off, probably both. He should really just give up in life.
And this keeps going until their wedding day, when Derek worries Stiles doesn’t want him because Stiles is freaking out in a good way, but doesn’t want to tell Derek in case Derek misunderstands and thinks Stiles doesn’t want to marry him after all.
They’re a disaster.