this didn't turn out at all how i wanted it too

myeyes-reddiamonds  asked:

Hi, thanks for answering all these questions, you're so cute. I have one too! So, I live in Brazil and here the movie and the book will only be released in January (yes, I'm very desperate) and all I know about the story is what people comment on Tumblr. How does Oliver show that he feels the same way about Elio, does he really love and show it or is it just sexual attraction? Please don't judge me!! I didn't read the book, but I'm dying of anxiety here. Sorry my english I'm still learning.

Great question!! This ask is dedicated to everybody out there that has found passion for this story and haven’t been able to enjoy it yet. You guys are the real MVPs. I’m a lucky SOB and I gladly share my experience because of that. 

Spoilers + some of my insight into the enigma that is Oliver below the cut!

Keep reading

AU MASTER LIST

So here is a bunch of AU’s that I’ve collected over…. a long time. Enjoy

Awkward Meetings

  • I broke your nose in a mosh pit, sorry
  • I hit you with my car and was the only one to visit you in the hospital, this is sort of awkward, are you okay?
  • You’re getting chased by the police and you just jumped in my car and yelled drive, wtf man
  • You just punched me in the face while gesturing wildly to a friend, your friend can’t stop laughing and im too shocked to respond to your apologies
  • You laughed in a restaurant, but your laugh is really weird and I thought you were choking so I’m awkwardly humping you while attempting to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre and why isn’t this working, you’re just choking harder now this is aweful
  • We met on a Sunday morning, both doing our walk of shame
  • I get really sick on roller-coasters and you are sitting in front of me, im so sorry
  • You’re the bastard who keeps parking in front of my house and you just caught me drawing a dick on your window with a permanent marker… ugh, oops.
  • I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold another fucking shirt and just leave it, I’m going to fucking shove it down your throat
  • You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friends place and I should call the cops by my cat likes you so????
  • You’re my new dealer and you just friended me on Facebook and idk how to react to that
  • You saw me reading the same book you are and now we are arguing about the motives of the antagonist
  • This is a five-hour-long plane ride, we’re sitting together and  you’re deathly afraid of flying. 
  • I got into a cab to find someone already inside
  • You thought I was your friend/sister
  • Holy shit, im in the wrong car.
  • I was walking by a roller coaster and your shoe flew off and hit me in the head and now I’m on the floor trying not to fall unconscious.
  • It’s 2am and I’m drunk and I need some salt for my fries and I know your awake so OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR
  • You fell asleep on me in the subway and I should probably wake you up and its my stop next stop but it’s okay, I can always just catch the subway back…
  • I know nothing about camping and all my friends left me at the site. Please, help me, I think I just heard a bear
  • This has been a shitty week and you just grabbed the last box of my favourite comfort food from the shelf, do you really want to fight me rn?
  • We met in a movie theatre and now you’re clinging to me because your terrified and I’m okay with that because it means I get your popcorn.
  • You had a party and I got really drunk and stole your microwave, so now I’m at your place and your super hungover so here, I made breakfast?

Neighbour/Roomate

  • The guy living below me has a really loud alarm clock that always wakes me up at the crack of dawn
  • I went to investigate a scream and found my neighbour standing on a chair to avoid a rat/mouse/cricket (etc.)
  • My neighbour has a really squeaky bed and my bedroom is below theirs
  • You keep stealing my doormat and HAH, I’ve got you this time thief!
  • The apartment above me has left their tap on or something and water is leaking through my ceiling
  • My neighbour’s sibling got the wrong house number and barged into my apartment on accident.
  • My roommate keeps stealing my coffee so now I make extra 
  • You’re my new neighbour and wow man, you have some really weird habits.
  • You’re my neighbour and you are stealing my wifi to watch porn and can you not?
  • You locked yourself outside of your apartment and there’s a storm rolling in and I pity you so please come into my apartment I’ll make you hot chocolate?
  • I heard you singing at 3 am and joined in and now you’re at my door and wtf mate I think your drunk but your voice is really nice so?
  • I just set the fire alarm in our building off again… sorry. I know its like the fourth time this week…
  • You keep mowing your lawn when I’m trying to sleep and seriously FUCK YOU
  • My new neighbour is really hot and wow I didn’t even like women until now? And now she is in the garden planting flowers in her bikini wow… im in too deep
  • It’s 3 am and you’re blasting off classic rock at full volume and your music taste might be awesome but soME PEOPLE are trying to sLEEP
  • We’ve never met but we shower at the same time and our showers are on opposite sides of the same apartment wall so sometimes we start duets?

Pets

  • I’m out walking and my dog started chasing your dog. 
  • My cat/dog ran away and you just found it but refuse to accept the reward. 
  • We are neighbours and your cat got my cat pregnant… so, wanna raise this little kitty family?
  • My pet tarantula/snake (etc) escaped and I forgot to warn the guy below me who is terrified of snakes/spiders
  • I need you to pet sit my pet for a while and I forgot to mention it’s a snake, the mice are in the freezer. Thanks, bye
  • My cat really hates you cat and that’s the third time this week I’ve had to pry them apart.
  • My cat keeps breaking into your apartment and it ate all your plants… dinner to make up for it?
  • My cat sneaked out on the balcony and into your open window and he has this habit of destroying furniture and pissing everywhere so I followed him inside and you cam home earlier than I expected and found me in the middle of your living room and honestly I’m not a burglar
  • Your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and sorry not sorry I love this dog
  • You were walking your dog when you found me passed out on a park bench and thank you for waking me up and buying coffee instead of stealing my wallet

Music

  • I’m on a bus and wow, you’re singing really loudly and everyone is giving you weird looks, hey bud, tone it down, also great choice in music
  • You play Double Bass/Cello and I play 1st chair Violin and we keep making eye contact and damn your super cute.
  • You play in an orchestra and I love these songs so much, plus you’re really cute. Shit man, you’ll never notice me in the huge crowd…
  • Music is kinda illegal and my friend just died and apparently he wrote music and wow I want to know what it sounds like and to play it at his funeral but I don’t know how to. You’re a well-known music dealer, do you happen to understand these notes? Can you help me?
  • I tried to act cool at this concert and I thought I was leaning on a wall but apparently it was a speaker and now it’s on the ground in pieces and everyone’s glaring at me… sorry?

Supernatural

  • I’m a wizard and I just accidently apparated into your house. Oops.
  • I died over 2000 years ago and you’ve been dead for like 2 hours, man, damn it now I have to explain this shit to you. Great.
  • I’m immortal and you’re mortal and I don’t know how to explain this to you and soon enough you’re going to realise that I’m not aging… shiiittt
  • You’re a greek god and I’m the roman counterpart. 
  • I’m a ghost and your alive and I think I’m in love with you…. Fuck. 
  • You’re a faun and I’m a Satry
  • I’m half demon and people often judge me based on my looks, but your blind and wow you actually like me? 
  • I’m a time traveller and I went back in time and wow I think I’m in love with you, fuck this isn’t good, I just faked being George Washington… wait what? George Washington doesn’t exist here? Shit… I actually am George Washington.
  • I’m a writer and your my character and wtf how the heck did you just literally climb out of my first draft? 
  • I’m a werewolf but I don’t want to tell you because my wolf form might be that really small chihuahua you keep mentioning you see when I go out…
  • I’m an android and you’re a human and wow what is that warmth I feel when I see you?
  • I’m a homesick telepath and you’re the poor soul who is receiving all these emotions, sorry
  • Somehow I’m in your body and you’re in mine and shit man being this close to the ground is fucked up.
  • I’m a genie an d you rubbed my lamp so congrats you get three wishes but you can’t seem to think of shit and why the fuck do I have to be stuck with you? Hurry up and think of some wishes okay?
  • I was an awful angel and as punishment I have to be your guardian angel and wow your super cute and nice but I still hate you
  • You keep having strange dreams that turn out to be us in a past life and you’re determined to fine me again but in this life I’m already dead.
  • We live in the year 3090, you’re a scientist and I’m your assistant. Unfortunately and experiment goes wrong and I die. Now you’re trying to put my brain into a robot but its not the same
  • I’m a vampire and I have a moment of weakness, you’re nearby and lets just say it doesn’t end well
  • I’m a dragon and you’re a really hot prince, that’s right, they locked up the wrong royalty.
  • You’re a pirate and I’m a siren and woah… are you asexual? That’s so cool, hey wait, don’t go I just want to talk
  • Your mirror is a doorway into my dimension and I can see everything…. 
  • Listen I am genetically modified and you WILL let me hide in your house
  • Ok, so I panicked and kissed this human so he wouldn’t drown. And I know you don’t want me to keep him, and we can’t let him leave if he knows about us mere people so what do you want to do?

School/College

  • I just got partnered with you in dance class and I can’t dance for shit
  • You’re my science lab partner and how the fuck did you just explode that beaker?
  • I’m an art student and you just found my sketchbook and you’re going through it. Shit man can you give that back, I don’t care how good you think they are just don’t turn that page…
  • You’re the school dork and I’m the school jock and fuck you can see where this is going
  • We are the only two kids who ride this school bus, maybe we should carpool?
  • I thought you were my roomies new boyfriend so I invited you in but your actually the RA of the dorm and now you think I want to have sex with you
  • I accidently flooded the laundry room and you really need to do laundry
  • You’re sitting in my seat in this lecture and who even are you? I’ve never seen you before… wait what, stop checking me out!
  • We argued so much during a class discussion that we both got kicked out and we’re still arguing outside the class
  • You left your USB in the library computer and I had to go through your files to figure out who you are and in the end I read the entirety of this book you’re working on and wow you’re really good?
  • I’m a traditional painter who has to take a basic Photoshop class, you’re a graphic design major sitting next to me and getting sucked into helping me out because Im so shitty at this
  • My pottery bowl exploded in the kiln and I feel like a failure, you found me crying about it in the hallway and are now trying to comfort me and your sweater is really soft wow sorry
  • You and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and fuck it I’m trying to study over her so fuck you I’m going to put an end to this game by winning 
  • We are both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts we’ve received from student and you’ve won for the past three years
  • Romeo and Juliet of the math and English departments 
  • I want to get along with you roomie… but I like star wars… and you like star trek… this isn’t going to work.
  • I usually talk to my friends through morse code in class but… apparently you know morse too… and now you know I think your butt is cute
  • I got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and now I’m being adopted by someone who is really hot OH FUCKING NO

Near Death Experiences

  • Wow I was just in a fatal accident and who the hell are you? What is this I’m I dying? Wait no, I don’t want this, how do I get out of it? A deal you say, I’ll take it.
  • You’re an executioner and I’m about to be executed but you can’t seem to run the guillotine, wait what, why are we running away, man you’re my favourite executioner
  • Our plane/boat crashed and now it’s just us on this island. 
  • I just took a super dangerous job and your trying to talk me out of it, but we really need the money
  • It’s the middle of a war and I’m on a ship that you’re ship just torpedoed. Now I’m a prisoner and wow why can’t I feel my legs. I’m not cooperating until I can feel them again. What the fuck do you mean I’m paralysed?
  • I’m addicted to ____ (drugs/alcohol etc) and you found me in an alleyway due to after effects of my addiction (beat up, overdose etc) and decide to take me in.
  • I sold my soul to bring you back to life and I don’t have long left please make this time count

Mistaken and Secret Identities

  • I’m  a thief/hacker/murder and you’ve found out my identity and have been bugging me for days to take you on as your partner
  • I’m a superhero and you want to be like me but in doing so become a supervillain, what do you mean you don’t understand why I’m punching you?
  • I’m a superhero, you’re a supervillain, but we don’t know each other’s identities and we are actually best friends
  • I’m runaway royalty and you’re a commoner, fuck I’m so screwed I need your help, I’ll explain later
  • You think I’m a celebrity and you’re talking too much for me to explain I am defintely not… that dude. What was his name again?
  • You’re a superhero and I’m your best friend and what the fuck man? Why the hell didn’t you tell me? If you had maybe I would be fucking caught with this stupid ass monologue-ing villain
  • I have a very cute neighbour and very thin walls and one day I call you and err… your moans are very synchronised with my neighbour's…
  • I’m a superhero and you’re a supervillain and I saw you visiting kids at the children’s hospital and letting them act like they defeated you and now it’s really hard to punch you in the face

Profession Based

  • Your my mailman and I can’t help but notice that you linger at my door slightly longer than you need to ever since you saw me that one time. Do you want to come inside?
  • I’m a private detective and your my client and fuck man you’re in some deep shit
  • You’re a protester and I’m a police officer. Seriously can you please calm down a little bit, this is my job not my  beliefs.
  • I’m a make-up artist/hair stylist and I you’re an actor/model and are you flirting or???
  • You’re a celebrity and sorry mate, I have to take pictures to pay rent, I know its invasive seriously, sorry
  • You’re a store clerk and fuck, is that my ex? Can I please hide behind this counter?
  • You’re a lifeguard at my kid’s swimming competition and I fell in the pool with all my clothes on and you awkwardly tried to save me even though I didn’t need it.
  • You work at a pet store and I came in to look at tarantulas but somehow we lost the biggest one and its loose somewhere in the store and it really doesn’t help that you’re terrified of spiders
  • I’m a firefighter and you started a fire in your kitchen but you’re still flirting with me even though you’re not wearing pants and I’m carrying you down a ladder. Stop complimenting my muscles for fucks sake
  • We work at the same company and I kind of had a crush on you until I noticed that you’re the asshole stealing my lunch from the office fridge.
  • I’m a firefighter and you live near the station I work at and we talk/flirt with each other a lot. One day me and my team get called to put out a fire and it’s your home ablaze. You don’t make it.
  • I work at a fruit store and you come in almost every day and rearrange stuff on the shelves and then leave. Today you made the apples spell ‘call me’
  • It’s 2am and I was just trying to get home but I left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and I drove into a pole - stop laughing! You’re a cop, aren’t you supposed to be helping?
  • You’re drunk and want my name tattooed on your ass.
  • You always bring your dates to the restaurant I wait at and now you’re here alone… you okay mate?

Winter Times

  • It’s snowing and I usually walk to work but that’s not happening, hey roomie, can you please drive me? Yes I know its 4am
  • I accidently gave all my winter clothes to charity over the summer and not its not so much summer, but I’m broke and hey… could you give me your old winter clothes… maybe?
  • I love the cold, but I promised to visit you for a good 4 months and wow, why did I do this? There isn’t snow here?
  • I don’t know you, but you just threw a snowball at my face, mate, its on.
  • I don’t know who the hell you are, but my roommate has someone over and It’s really cold outside…. Can I come in? Or like, have a blanket, or even a towel?

Old Friends

  • I knew you in high school and I ran into you at a renaissance fair wearing full knight regalia
  • I met you once when I was 12, we started a pen-pal relationship across the world and haven’t stopped even though we are a lot older now. 
  • You were my best friend when we were younger but your family moved to the other side of the world, and we haven’t talked in years. But now your back and wow how did you recognise me when I can’t even remember your name?

Fake Dating

  • I hired you to be my date for a wedding but your super cute, maybe we cannot fake-date? 
  • I’m fake dating you to have someone to vent to on family gatherings while also pissing off my conservative uncle that I never liked and wow… have your eyes always been this nice?
  • We’re both cosplayers and we somehow always manage to meet each other at cons dressed as a popular ship and people always want photos of us in compromising positions and so we always end up fake-dating the entire day but you’re actually really hot and I’m head over heels for you
  • My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex, quick make out with me, I’ll pay you.

Miscellaneous

  • I’m blind and wow your voice is absolutely beautiful can you just keep talking? Forever? Please?
  • My younger sibling is besties with your sibling and even though we hate each other I guess we’ve got to start hanging out a little
  • We are both at a grocery store at am and you offered to arm wrestle me for the last box of cereal, its on!
  • You’re sleeping on my best friend’s couch while your house is being renovated and you have really weird habits like attempting to sing opera in the shower and you keep eating all my Nutigrain 
  • We bump into each other every Friday at the supermarket to buy the same ice-cream and maybe we should eat it together?
  • Our parents are dating and thank god I’m not the only one pissed off about this
  • I went to museum to get some inspiration and then I saw you staring at one of the paintings in awe and wow you just noticed me drawing you and this is awkward
  • I decide to take a shortcut home that involves crawling through a really tight hole in a fence and I end up getting stuck and you just happened to pass by and now you’re laughing at me
  • I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because I could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly
  • We are trapped in a bank during a robbery
  • Your country is trying to take over mine and I might be a little attracted to you and stop this it’s really hard to retaliate okay?
  • I was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me
Basically, This is Basically What Every Dr. Phil Episode is Basically Like Basically
  • Dr. Phil: Hello, I am Doctor Philip, and today we'll be tackling an issue that is very widespread, but rarely spoken about. Gaming addiction. Now, I know many of you know at least one person in your life who plays video games, whether that be a child or, in some cases, a spouse.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: But, when unregulated, gaming can lead to serious addiction. Today I have with me a mother who's home life has been torn apart as her very own son descended into gaming addiction.
  • Mother: *sniffing and wiping tears away* Hello, doctor. Will you cure my son?
  • Dr. Phil: Well, dear, that's... uhh. Let's just bring the boy out already.
  • *dramatic music plays*
  • Gamer: My name is Gregg, I'm 19 years old, I'm a gaming addict, and I don't give a f*ck.
  • Audience: *gasps*
  • Gamer: Yeah, I game for 19 to 20 hours a day and the other four hours I use for looking up sick gaming strats or beating it to anime porn. I once sucked off a dude because he offered me minecraft diamonds. I don't give a sh*t, I would've sucked him off even if he didn't have the diamonds.
  • Audience: *gasps louder*
  • Gamer: Do I hate women? Yes, I hate women. I've emailed Anita Sarkeesian my address. She knows where I am if she wants to fight me. Feminists, square the fuck up. People always ask why I don't do anything other than gaming. I ask them why don't they mind their own f*cking business. I don't think I have a problem. Dr. Phil can honestly eat my whole an*s.
  • Gamer: *walks out onto the stage*
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: F*ck all y'all! I don't give a f*ck! *flips off the audience*
  • Dr. Phil: Please take a seat, son.
  • Gamer: *sits very disrespectfully*
  • Mother: *starts bawling*
  • Dr. Phil: Son, do you think that was acceptable behavior?
  • Gamer: The only behavior I care about is the behavioral patterns for enemies in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series. I love video games: Master chief, Mario, uhm, Blinx the Cat... Blasto. Love those guys!
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: I don't care! You think I care! F*ck all y'all!
  • Dr. Phil: All these people are booing you, doesn't that make you feel bad?
  • Gamer: Are you deaf? Have I not articulated the fact that I absolutely 100% do not care about anything except for video games? I. DON'T. GIVE. A. F*CK.
  • Mother: He's always like this, there's no changing him. It didn't used to be this way... just *starts bawling harder*
  • Dr. Phil: I think there is a way to change him, and we'll find out more about that after these messages.
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays*
  • *The lights dim and every goes empty eyed and slack-jawed*
  • Gamer: Heh, this is weird. *nudges mom and whispers to her* Hey, we're getting paid for this, right. Hey, mom? ...Mom?
  • Mother: *completely unresponsive*
  • Dr. Phil: *completely unresponsive*
  • Audience: *completely unresponsive*
  • Gamer: Heh... this is REALLY weird. *looks around nervously*
  • Audience member: Hey!
  • Gamer: Huh?
  • Audience Member: I'm in the audience! Over here! My arms are strapped to the chair! You have to help me!
  • Gamer: *runs to the audience member*
  • Audience Member: Thank god, I thought I was the only one here left with any brains.
  • Gamer: *hastily undoing the straps* What the fuck is going on?
  • Audience Member: I don't know, but this definitely isn't Dr. Phil's show.
  • Gamer: Then what is it?
  • Audience Member: No clue, but we have to get out of here before the commercial breaks ends.
  • Gamer: *successfully undoes the straps*
  • Audience Member: C'mon! Let's go. *grabs the gamer by the arm*
  • Gamer: *resists* Wait a fucking minute. Why am I supposed to trust you?
  • Audience Member: Because I'm normal and everyone else is braindead if you haven't noticed.
  • Gamer: Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on. Being on Dr. Phil is a huge opportunity for me to, y'know, advertise my brand. I'm a gamer if you haven't noticed.
  • Audience Member: Are you insane? Have you had a look around you? Does this anything happening right now seem normal to you? Who cares about your "brand". Do you even remember how you got here?
  • Gamer: Well... now that you mention, I can't really remember exactly.
  • Audience Member: Yeah, now let's get the fuck out of here.
  • *the gamer and audience member run through the back exit into the hallways*
  • *the Dr. Phil theme blares as the show returns from commercial break*
  • Gamer: My ears!
  • Audience Member: Move it! *jerks gamer's arm*
  • Gamer: Okay, calm down.
  • *the entire audience screams in unison*
  • Gamer: What the fuck is that!?
  • Audience Member: It's the reason we're running! Quick, in here!
  • *the duo duck into a cramped broom closest*
  • Gamer: Listen, you have to tell me what the fuck is going on right now!
  • Audience Member: Shh.
  • Gamer: Don't shush me!
  • Audience Member: *covers the gamer's mouth*
  • *agonized screaming and violently rumbling passes by the broom closest*
  • Gamer: Holy shit!
  • Audience Member: Stop yelling.
  • Gamer: How can I not yell when it sounds the gates of hell just passed by us!
  • Audience Member: You want it to turn back around and find us?
  • Gamer: Alright. I'll calm down... I'll. *start sobbing*
  • Audience Member: Please, please stop crying. You're too loud.
  • Gamer: I can't! I'm under a lot of stress!
  • Audience Member: You'll be dead if you don't shut the fuck.
  • Gamer: I never wanted any of this, I just wanted to go on Dr. Phil so people would recognize me on YouTube and I could become a popular Let's Player!
  • Audience Member: If you don't shut up right now, I'll-
  • *a snake bites the audience member's neck*
  • Audience Member: *eyes roll up*
  • Gamer: *screams like a baby*
  • *snakes slither under the closet door*
  • Gamer: *stumbles out of the closet and falls into hallway covered with snakes* Fuck me! Fuck me!
  • Gamer: *attempts to run away but falls beneath the snakes and into and empty void*
  • *agonized screaming echoes from all around*
  • Gamer: Am I in hell? I have to be in hell. You don't fall through a pool of snakes and wind up anywhere else but hell.
  • Dr. Phil: THERE IS NO HELL.
  • Gamer: Doc, is that you? If this isn't hell then where am I?
  • Dr. Phil: YOU'RE IN MY REALM SON. *Dr. Phil's face appears glowing in the distance, his eyes are empty sockets and his mouth hangs open*
  • Gamer: What the fuck are you?
  • Dr. Phil: I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • Gamer: You're not Dr. Phil!
  • Dr. Phil: I NEVER SAID I WAS, SON. *a wall of gray human bodies lights up surrounding Dr. Phil's massive head, dr. phil's giant snake body slithers towards the gamer and opens its third eye* I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • *the wall of bodies screams in unison as Dr. Phil devours the gamer*
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays loudly*
  • Dr. Phil: THE NEXT EPISODE IS STARTING. I'M LATE. *slithers into the wall of bodies and his snake body slowly transforms into a normal Dr. Phil's body*
  • Dr. Phil: *crawls onto the stage*
  • Dr. Phil: *dusts himself off* Woo, I went on quite an adventure.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: I'm glad we can all find some time in our lives to laugh, but today's episode is covering something that is most certainly not a laughing matter. It's one of the most serious addictions striking America today and it's rarely talked about. I'm talking about people who love to pee on their mattresses and then pay people exorbitant amounts of money to suck their disgusting mattresses clean.
  • Audience: ... *someone clears their throat*
  • Dr. Phil: What's the matter?
  • Cameraguy: Spsss, Doc. That's not what the episode is about. It's about people with terrible gambling issues.
  • Dr. Phil: Oh, ah, fuck! Cut to commercial!
Say That Again

Summary: Soulmate AU. Everyone hears a key word or phrase in their head from their soulmate, something only heard in person when the moment is right.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 2,543

Warnings: language, self-consciousness, fluff, that’s basically it

A/N: This is my submission for the lovely wonderful talented @bladebarnes’ 2k Celebration Challenge. My prompt was 35. quote: “Say that again.” I saw Baby Driver recently and couldn’t get the diner thing out of my head.

Originally posted by coporolight

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Free The Animal

Word Count: 6k

Genre: Smut, Angst (will I ever stop being emo?)

Author’s Note: You ever forget that you’re a fanfic writer then you write a fic so bad you remember how much of a hack you are? Yeah welcome to my fic :’D

dom!jungkook- fuckboi!jungkook- fuckbuddy relationship- dirty talk- thigh riding mention because damn even I am not immune to his thighs- inspired by Sia’s song and part of the song drabble game. You can find links to the rest of them on my masterlist

Loving You To Death (Sequel)

There he was with his hands up some girl’s skirt, grinding on her like he was trying to fuck her through their clothes, the fucking pig. You huff and turn to your friend who gives you an exasperated look, “___, just go and grab him by the dick and tell him he can’t fucking do that.”

“He can do whatever the fuck he wants to do, even if that is a bleach blonde bitch with a tan that makes her look like an Oompa Loompa.” That was pretty low, you admit. It wasn’t the girl’s fault that Jungkook had chosen her for the night. But seriously, there was a limit to tanning, this was just harmful to the eyes.

“No, he can’t because you’re together.” Your friend, Hwasa, sounds pretty fed up with you.

“No, we’re not. We’re just fuck buddies and we agreed that we’re not exclusive right from the start.” Why wasn’t she understanding this? You’d explained it to her a thousand times.

“I don’t care what bullshit you told each other. All I care about is what I see, and that is two idiots constantly doing all they can to piss each other off because they can’t communicate like adults.”

“What are you even talking about? Jungkook is not trying to piss me off. He’s just being himself. Which is admittedly annoying in and of itself but you know…”

“Then why did he do nothing the past three days but play video games while you were off galavanting with Jin, only to start making out with some girl the minute you make an appearance?”

“He did?” You asked surprised, only to check yourself back and shrug it off. “I don’t know, he must have just not felt like it.”

“Oh my god, save me from these two idiots.” Hwasa cries then takes you by the shoulder and starts shaking you, “He’s fucking jealous because you took Jin to meet your family and not him so he’s trying to piss you off. Why? Because he likes you. And you’re pissed off. Why? Because you like him. Now can you get that through your thick skull or do I have to beat it into you?”

Keep reading

[TRANS] ‘Seventeen’ Magazine 2017 Aug Issue - BTS Interview (P2)

JPN - KRN © cher_bts
KRN - ENG © ktaebwi

Currently on tour, BTS’ popularity has crossed borders and is spreading around the world!

RAP MONSTER: We came to many countries but Brazil left the most impression on me. I learned for the first that through the local news that they set up tents and stayed outside the concert venue few days ahead to buy our concert tickets.
JIMIN: I was really surprised!
SUGA: We travel around the world but mostly we just stay inside the hotel. I use the remaining time to make music there. That’s why I always carry around music equipment.
RAP MONSTER: You have a pot too. (laughs) He uses an electric pot to boil water and cook ramyeon or instant food he brought from Korea to eat.
J-HOPE: It’s really important. I bring a pillow too. It’s not too firm or too soft and fits my neck perfectly. I don’t have to worry even if the hotel’s pillow doesn’t fit!
JIN: I play guitar which I’m into lately in the hotel. We all do what each of us wants.
V: I bring my favorite book of Gogh and read it.
JUNGKOOK: I’m listening to music on my speaker… But the other members often scold me.
V: They said it’s too noisy. (laughs)
J-HOPE: When we say so he lowers the volume. (laughs) One time Rap Monster scolded him and he turned the volume down, but he couldn’t hear the sound like that so he brought the speaker to his ears to listen. I laughed and asked if he did all of that so he could listen on speaker.
JUNGKOOK: I told you the sound is different!
RAP MONSTER: What does Jimin bring?
JIMIN: I don’t bring anything special. Bringing myself is enough ♡

The real side of each person only the members know.

JIMIN: Our leader Rap Monster-hyung is a clumsy “destruction god”. Not just breaking stuffs, he also loses his phone time to time, tripping when there’s nothing around, or spilling coffee and stain Jin-hyung’s shirt… It happens a lot. (laughs)
SUGA: But he’s really smart. He’s got an excellent language ability and he’s the best at Japanese.
RAP MONSTER: I’m embarrassed~
V: J-hope is the dance leader, he dances the best. He’s also reliable and takes care of us well.
J-HOPE: I’m just doing my job.
JUNGKOOK: Are you being humble? (laughs)
J-HOPE: I’m serious. (laughs)
RAP MONSTER: Jin-hyung - the matnae* - takes care of us well too. He likes food so he cooks for us at the dorm or…
JIN: I’m busy recently so I can’t cook at all. I’m not eating a lot for my diet too.
SUGA: He shares a room with me. I hate when it’s loud so he always stays quiet for my sake. I like quietness and hate when there are too many people.
RAP MONSTER: He suddenly talks about himself when we’re talking about other members. Suga-hyung is really “mypace”**. And he’s always spaced out and lethargic. (laughs)
SUGA: I’m lethargic because I need to prepare my energy for music. Told you it all has a meaning! Jimin is “Slow Jimin”, this one word is enough. J-hope is the fastest and Jimin is the slowest. That’s the daily life of BTS.
JIN: But Jimin works harder than anyone else. He always dances or sings in the waiting room
RAP MONSTER: Is it the result of his effort? He has a cute face and great muscles.
SUGA: But… He’s always late.
ALL: (laugh)
JIMIN: Let’s talk about V next.
JUNGKOOK: He really is an amazing person.
V: I’m not amazing~
JUNGKOOK: He says that but he’s really amazing. (laughs) He talks out of the topic or question, even when everyone else is all “?”, he ignores and continues. And he forcefully makes everyone understand him.
V: I’m working hard on talking to the point too! But what can I do when I can’t think of anything? It’s hard for me too!
J-HOPE: I didn’t know that. (laughs) Our maknae Jungkook, as you can see, he’s perfectly handsome.
V: Is he always handsome like that? Hmh, is he…? When he sleeps… (giggles)
JUNGKOOK: What? (nervous)
J-HOPE: Nothing, you’re handsome when you seep too. It’s okay. (laughs)

*matnae: mathyung (eldest hyung) + maknae
**mypace: living or doing things without being affected by other people’s opinions or actions

The never-ending chatter of men! The close-knitted 7 people. When asked “What boosts your mood up?”, nearly all of them answered “The members”.

JIN: Sometimes we need to go work on our own… I indeed gets bored. It’s the same when we film individual cuts for music videos, if the members aren’t around I feel lonely.
JIMIN: The one who boosts my mood up is our maknae Jungkook. He’s mischievous so he always makes us laugh. But Jungkook said he likes tasty food more than me…
JUNGKOOK: Tasty food makes me happy ♡ If there’s food in front of me, I would take a bite out of happiness. Even if I’m full, it’s fine. I’ll get hungry soon after I sleep for a bit. I can keep eating all the time. (laughs)

For the question “What do you want to have at the moment?”, the answers of these 7 people who are busy everyday are!

RAP MONSTER: Time. I want to have some time with my family. I want to travel with my family. We had a concert in Japan last year and my parents along with my sister went on a trip. I couldn’t go with them… I was really upset.
J-HOPE: I have never had a family trip before too. I want to travel with my family!
JUNGKOOK: I want to travel too. To America or Japan. Who do I want to go with? (glances at J-hope sitting beside) J-hope-hyung ♡
J-HOPE: Wow! I’m happy! Jungkook finally knew how to live in life. (laughs)
V: I want to have time too, but I want to have paintings more. I like Gogh the most. There are around 10 paintings in my room.
JUNGKOOK: Are they real?
J-HOPE: If those are real they would cost hundreds of millions. (laughs)
JIN: I want to have an island. I filmed on some island last time and they said it can be bought with 30 billion.
RAP MONSTER: You don’t need to buy an island. We’re going to Hawaii or Okinawa anyway. (laughs) Oh snap, it’s time to end the interview! Let’s greet properly for the ending.
SUGA: Please listen to our single “Blood, Sweat & Tears” a lot and look forward to our Japan tour too. Please give BTS a lot of love!
RAP MONSTER: Our hearts are always… Seventeen ♡

P1

blue orchids

hanahaki & soulmate au (reposted)

pairing: jungkook | reader
genre: angst and a sprinkle of fluff
word count: 18.748
warnings: implied smut
disclaimer: I do not own the hanahaki disease concept.

I am immensely thankful for the talented people who have created art / edits for this story: x, x, x, x, x, x ♡ also, make sure to read moonlight (drabble from jimin’s pov) and home after rain (short sequel) after reading this story. enjoy!


You were eighteen years old when Jimin’s name showed up on your hand.

The day is fresh and clear in your memory: early December, the winds stronger than ever as they threatened to pierce through the windows of your room, hints of snowflake dancing in the air as the first snowfall augured an even sharper winter. There was a smile on your face that didn’t match the unrelenting coldness of the month, and even though the night was falling and the air felt icy on the tips of your fingers, there was only warmth in your chest as you went through the pictures of your phone.

Pictures of you and Jimin drinking hot chocolate, of clumsy iceskating, of funny faces that made you laugh out loud in the quietness of your bedroom. The feeling sparking in your chest could be considered somewhat dangerous— after all, you were just a girl that didn’t have any marks on her skin, a girl whose fate was yet to be decided. Something as enigmatic as love could be a treacherous thing, too risky for someone that couldn’t decide their destiny on their own.

Keep reading

3

Hypothetical Handplates scenario in which Sans realizes he can teach himself Common.

(Ugh, tumblr is making them blurry for some reason so I guess full-view if you want the not-blurry version??)

Convoluted explanation incoming. Handplates is an Undertale fancomic by @zarla-s and if you like Papyrus and Sans, go read it, is good stuff. So I guess this is an AU fancomic of an AU fancomic? I dunno, the idea wouldn’t leave my brain until I did something with it. So. Zarla did a Christmas doodle where Gaster gave the boys a box of ginger cookies that had the word COOKIES on the side in big letters, and because my job gives me way too much time to think about random stuff, I realized something.

In Handplates, Gaster taught the bros to read and write Wingdings but deliberately did not teach them monster Common (ie: English) so they can’t read his nametag or anything. Thing is, Wingdings is a 1:1 substitution cipher for English. Every Wingdings symbol exactly equals an English letter; it’s not a different language, just a different set of pictures. As somebody who has taught herself a fair number of substitution ciphers, there are a few things you look for when you’re trying to translate a code and you don’t have a key in front of you. Most notably, single-letter words (in English they will usually be A or I) or double letters next to each other. Like the OO in “COOKIES”.

Sans is smart. Gaster has fed them junk food before and odds are good Sans knows how to spell “COOKIES”. The word is on the box in huge letters and Gaster just said it out loud, so it is fresh in Sans’ mind. That double-O is a huge tip-off. He would put it together that the word on the front of the box matches what’s inside. Once you figure out a few of the letters, it becomes steadily easier to decode the rest.

I feel like Gaster exposes the boys to enough Common (the nametag, food wrappers, computer monitors, the books Sans sits on) that Sans could pick it up with a proper starting point. Papyrus probably not, because he had a hard enough time with Wingdings, but Sans is eager for any opportunity to undermine Gaster and I’m sure he’d jump at the chance. In this comic he elects not to tell Papyrus, though. He doesn’t know Gaster has cameras in the cell (or even what a camera is) but he’s figured out that Gaster can spy on them somehow, and the last time Gaster caught them learning something he didn’t like, Papyrus got the ever-loving hell beat out of him. So Sans keeps quiet about it for now. And thus starts the long-standing tradition of keeping important secrets from his brother.

On the technical side, it took me a freakin’ week to sketch and outline this whole thing. Coloring and shading only took me like a day. In the meantime Zarla actually kinda addressed the cookie comic, but this was almost done by then so oh well. I’m finding my poses and proportions turn out a LOT better when I’m doodling skeletons, like what, drawing basic anatomy will make you better at anatomy, you don’t say?? A lot of this was a self-challenge to see if I could imitate Zarla’s art style, and I referenced previous Handplates comics a lot for the backgrounds and Sans’ face. Full disclosure: Gaster’s pose up there is basically copied from Zarla’s original comic because I was rushing through to get on to the actual meat of the story. He’s just here for setup. I had fun trying to figure out how to do his Lost Soul head though. Also, I hate Papyrus’ face from the front. Also also, it was tricky trying to convey “mentally translating an unknown alphabet into a known one” when pretty much everyone who sees this comic is already familiar with the “unknown” one and not the “known” one, but I think I pulled it off. 

TL;DR- I imitated somebody else’s style to do an AU of an AU; I am not Zarla; Zarla is the creator of Handplates and also Gaster’s pose in the first panel; I like ciphers too much and also I gave the cookies icing because that is the only kind of ginger cookie I know.

Dear Strange Man on the Train,

At 11 o’clock at night, you moved across the train car to sit far too close to two girls about half your age so you could interrupt our conversation to tell us how pretty we are. We said thank you, have a good night, and went back to our conversation.

You interrupted us a second time to say that you didn’t want to bother us, but we needed to hear it, how pretty we are. We said cool, thanks, have a good night, and went back to our conversation.

You interrupted us a third time to say you wouldn’t say anything else, you didn’t want to bother us, you just had to let us know. We said have a good night, and went back to our conversation.

This seemed to perplex you. You came all that way across a train car to bestow upon us this life altering knowledge - the fact we were pretty - and all you got was a polite thank you? You grumbled about gratitude, about how you better not end up on facebook, were we putting you on facebook? Why was my friend looking at her phone? Was she putting you on facebook? All you’d done was tell us we were pretty.

At this point, my friend says, “Sir, we’re trying to have a conversation. Please don’t be disrespectful.”

This was when you got angry. Disrespectful? YOU? For taking the time out of your day to tell us we were pretty? Did we know we were pretty?

“Yes, we knew,” says my friend.

Well, that was the last straw. How dare we know we were pretty! Sure, you were allowed to tell us we were pretty, but we weren’t allowed to think it independently, without your permission! And if we had somehow already known - perhaps some other strange man had informed us earlier in the day - we certainly weren’t allowed to SAY it! Where did we get off, having confidence in ourselves? You wanted us to know we were pretty, sure, but only as a reward for good behavior. We were pretty when you gifted it upon us with your words, and not a moment before! You raged for a minute about how horrible we were for saying we thought we were pretty, how awful we turned out to be.

I took a page out of your book and interrupted you. “Sir, you said you wouldn’t say anything else, and then you kept talking,” I said. “You complimented us, we said thank you, and we don’t owe you anything else. It’s late, you’re a stranger, and I don’t want to talk to you. We’ve tried to disengage multiple times but you keep bothering us.”

At this point, our train pulled into the next stop. My friend suggested we leave, so we got up and went to the door.

Seeing your last chance, you lashed out with the killing blow. “I was wrong!” you shouted at us as we left, “You’re ugly! You’re both REALLY UGLY!”

Fortunately, since our worth as human beings is in no way dependent upon how physically attractive you find us, my friend and I were unharmed and continued on with our night. She walked home; I switched to the next train car and sat down.

So, strange man, I know you’re confused. I don’t know if you’ll think about anything I said to you, but I hope you do learn this: when you give someone something - a gift, a compliment, whatever - with stringent stipulations about how they respond to it, you are not giving anything. You are setting a trap. It is not as nice as you think it is.

But you’ll be happy to know that when I sat down in the next car, a strange man several seats over called, “Hey, pretty girl. Nice guitar. How was your concert?”

“Thanks. Good,” I said, then looked away and put on my headphones, the universal sign for ‘I’d like to be left alone.’

“Wow. Fine. Whatever. Fucking bitch,” he said.

Miraculous Headcanon

Warning: i have been adding to this headcanon for nearly a month so it is pretty long xD OOPS SORRY NOT SORRY (i did put a cut though, so, yeah) NO REGRETS

  • Marinette is a youtuber
  • Her channel consists of mostly sped up videos of her drawing designs and making her designs. Some have voice over, some have soothing and relaxing music.
  • Her channel blew up
  • Partially because, wow, she’s really talented for only being in high school
  • And people just really enjoyed watching her work, it’s very unique
  • Sometimes she’ll do simple tutorials on how to make a simple skirt, or get started on designing, but those are more rare videos
  • She has a second channel that is less professional than her main, where she posts a bunch of random vlogs that her and Alya take whenever they do something interesting, or even some random challenges. Most of these videos involve Alya, since she got Marinette to make a second channel for fun vlogs
  • Her international followers (#subtitles) find it very interesting anytime she talks about Ladybug and Chat Noir because there are legit superheroes in Paris and no other part of the world has seen that.
  • They vlog all sorts of things
    • going to the craft store for new fabrics, buttons, patterns, literally anything Marinette needs for her next project (or they’re just bored)
    • They record random things they see around Paris, cosplayers of LB and CN, pigeons being weird, aesthetics
    • Alya and Marinette have a weekly “review” which includes Alya buying something for Marinette to review- mostly themed around her favorite heroes
    • Sometimes just walking around the mall. Nino is spotted in many vlogs as well, but Adrien is rarely seen since he is already around so many cameras in his normal life Marinette is respecting his privacy
  • A lot more below the cut because I have been working on this headcanon for nearly a month!

Keep reading

How them 2000s live actions kids shows be
  • Normal Girl: *internally* I'm just a normal high school girl. I suck at math. I hate my parents. When someone asks me about my opinion on complex socioeconomic issues, I just go "What the heck!?" and start "texting" or something like that. My life would be just like yours, except for one thing: I have an amazing power... I can talk to cetaceans!
  • *at the docks, a bell tolls as our normal protagonist hears the voices of cetaceans bubbling in her mind*
  • Normal Girl: *staring deeply into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: Ahoy! What're you doing?
  • Normal Girl: Just staring into the oceanic abyss, thinking about how much I hate my parents. *internally* I have to keep my ability to speak to cetaceans secret or else... uh...
  • Best Friend: Haha, I feel that, friend. What a colorful life we teens live, our seaside environment awakening a rumbling darkness within ourselves of which we mull on our own with nothing but the unbounding depths of the ocean as our one escape. An escape which serves to only maim our fragile egos with newfound adolescent anxieties.
  • Normal Girl: What are you even talking about?
  • Best Friend: I don't know. I haven't slept in a week. Let's go to the mall.
  • *at the mall*
  • Normal Girl: *internally* My town might as well be called Lamesville. Nothing ever happens here, but the mall can be pretty fun. It's only place in the whole town with anything in it that isn't fish or excessive amounts of woodlice.
  • Best Friend: ...So I'd just dance and I'd dance until my feet broke. When that happened, I'd just get up and dance on my broken feet. And I did this until they were raw and blood was everywhere. I kept waking up in the morning extremely exhausted after this dream. I decided to record myself one night and it turns out I was dancing in my sleep. I haven't slept since I saw that. *leans in close to the normal girl* I'm afraid of what I'll do in my sleep.
  • Normal Girl: Wow, sounds weird... I guess. *sips coffee*
  • Best Friend: OMIGAWD! It's Chad Alphakid. He's coming this way!
  • *the normal girl and her best friend squee*
  • Normal Girl: *externally* That's Chad Alphakid. Who is he? He's only the hottest most coolest boy in this entire lame city. I've been crushing on him since I was like twelve.
  • Chad: Uh, okay.
  • Normal Girl: Did I just say that out loud!?
  • Chad: *sits at the table* Listen, I don't care what you or your friend think of me. I need help!
  • Best Friend: Have you murdered somebody?
  • Normal Girl: Do you need a girlfriend?
  • Chad: No, it's the ocean. The sound of her waves crashing against the shore is like a faultless siren song. There isn't a single night where I don't have visions of floating within her cold embrace. The allure of her boundless depths beckon to me like a lover. I'm afraid that if I don't get help soon, I'll find myself taken away by her to a fate unknown.
  • Normal Girl: *internally* Great, this is a chance to finally use my power to speak to cetaceans to my benefit! *externally* But why do you need us to help you?
  • Chad: You guys are the biggest fucking degenerate weirdos in this washed up town. If anyone knows how to deal with this, it's you two.
  • Best Friend: Haha, truuuuuu!
  • Normal Girl: I'm not a weirdo! I'm a completely normal girl.
  • Chad: Dude, you fucking talk to fish.
  • Best Friend: You do talk to fish.
  • Normal Girl: I don't talk to fish! *internally* I talk to cetaceans, they're mammals, not fish. Also, that's supposed to be a secret, dammit!
  • *at the shore*
  • Chad: Ah, Mother Ocean! Take me!! Take me!!! *attempts to run into the ocean, but gets held back by the normal girl and her best friend*
  • Best Friend: Simmer down, aqualad!
  • Chad: Why did you fools take me here, if not to release into the embrace of sweet Mother Ocean!?
  • Normal Girl: We talked it over and we decided that the best way to get you over your obsession is make you hate the ocean.
  • Chad: Does it involve you talking to fish?
  • Normal Girl: Yes, I mean no. I mean, fuck! Cetaceans aren't fish.
  • *the normal girl sits at the edge of shore, her eyes rolls up in her head as she proceeds to make fucked up porpoise sounds*
  • Normal Girl: *falls over limp*
  • Best Fried: She died.
  • Chad: Does this mean that I'm free to wade into Mother Ocean and meet my fate among her ever chaotic waes?
  • Best Friend: *lets chad go* Yeah, dude. I'm too far gone to care about things anymore.
  • Chad: *strips off all of his clothes* Good. I now understand that there was no avoiding this. This was always a forgone conclusion. My fate is with the waves. Sayonara, weird best friend guy.
  • Chad: *runs into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: *kicks the normal girl's body* Guess she really is dead.
  • Best Friend: *walks home as the night encroaches* My closest friend is dead, and Chad is probably dead too. I wonder where my fate lies?
  • Best Friend: *yawns* Maybe I should go to sleep and just dance myself to death finally. No, I don't think I could go to sleep even if I wanted to anymore. I'm probably going to die from exhaustion in the next few days, not having felt rest or comfort again. Or maybe I'll just stay awake forever. I feel like I was supposed to have an epiphany here, or some type of awakening. But, there's nothing. I feel like everything I've ever done has been pointless. God, I'm just really tired.
  • *back at the shore*
  • Porpoise: *beaches itself*
  • *a gray fleshy version of the normal girl crawls halfway out of the porpoises mouth*
  • Normal Girl: There goes my corpse! *drags her weird porpoise body towards the corpse* Why did I die with such a dumb expression on my face? Lame! I hope Chad didn't see.
  • Normal Girl: *looks around with beady eyes* No one's here. I can finally do this.
  • Normal Girl: *kisses her dead body on the lips* Blargh!
  • Normal Girl: *spits out blood* I bit my tongue when I died. Gross. I guess I can cross making out with my dead body and becoming a mermaid off of my bucket list, though.
  • Normal Girl: *sighs*
Justaqueerwitchy’s 1000+ Follower Giveaway!

Hey everyone! I hit 1000 followers about a week and a half ago! I’ve been getting everything together, and figuring out what all I want to do with this giveaway! This giveaway is a way to show my appreciation for my followers and how cool they can be! So I will be checking who is and is not following me.

-This giveaway is not at all and in no way affiliated with tumblr and it’s staff-

The most important things first, the prizes! I tried to have a few similar things in each, but also with a few assortments in each; so each prize has a few of the same, and a few different things in each!

-

Prize #1

The items are listed by group so as to hopefully make this not too terribly long

  • Herbs: 1 oz of rosemary, .5 oz of basil, .5 oz of oregano, 4 oz of pink Himalayan salt, 4 oz of iodized salt, .5 oz of hibiscus flowers .15 oz of rose petals, .15 oz of chamomile flowers, 6in vial of red peppers, 2 cinnamon sticks, 2 sage bundles, 1 large herbal cleansing bundle
  • Candles: 2 white tappers, 5 white tea lights, 1 cream (scented) flower, 1 green leaf, blueberry (scented) swirl wax
  • Crystals: rose quartz, grey calcite, green opal, 3 small red jasper, 2 small rose quartz
  • Misc: 1 oz tea tree essential oil, 1 oz rosemary essential oil, 1 red sachet, 1 blue sachet, full moon incense sticks, black butterfly coin purse, lemongrass and lavender salt scrub, 1 cherry blossom bath fizzie

-

Prize #2

  • Herbs: 1 oz of rosemary, .5 oz of basil, .1 oz of garlic, 4 oz of pink Himalayan salt, 4 oz of iodized salt, .3 oz of chamomile flowers .15 oz of rose petals, .25 oz of hibiscus flowers, 6in vial of parsley peppers, 2 cinnamon sticks, 2 sage bundles
  • Candles: 2 white tappers, 5 white tea lights, 1 cream (scented) flower, 1 purple leaf, orange clove (scented) wax
  • Crystals: rose quartz, grey calcite, green opal, 2 small aventurine, 2 small chrysocolla
  • Misc: 1 oz bergamot essential oil, 1 oz patchouli essential oil, 2 blue sachets, nag champa incense sticks, pink rose coin purse, lemongrass and lavender salt scrub, 1 cherry blossom bath fizzie, 1 free tarot reading

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Prize #3

  • Herbs: 1 oz of rosemary, .5 oz of basil, .2 oz of chives, 4 oz of pink Himalayan salt, 4 oz of iodized salt, .3 oz of rose petals, .25 oz of hibiscus flowers, .15 oz of chamomile flowers, 6in vial of oregano, 2 cinnamon sticks, 2 sage bundles
  • Candles: 2 white tappers, 5 white tea lights, 1 cream (scented) flower, 1 orange leaf, citrus vanilla (scented) wax
  • Crystals: rose quartz, grey calcite, green opal, 2 small sodalite, 2 small clear quartz
  • Misc: 1 oz ylang ylang essential oil, 1 oz eucalyptus essential oil, 1 purple sachet, 1 blue sachet, dragon blood incense sticks, honeysuckle bath bar,  rosemary and lemon sugar scrub, 1 cherry blossom bath fizzie, 1 rose quartz necklace

————————

Each prize box is going to come with a small thank you note to the winners, and some common correspondence and lore about the items listed!

Safety Advice: A side from the herb bundles and pink Himalayan salt, All the herbs  are 100% edible. I do not advise anyone apply any essential oils to their skin or ingest it. Please always practice safe fire procedures if you burn candles, incense, herbs, and herb bundles. Do not ingest any water or other liquid that has had crystals or essential oils in it. Please, if you have any allergies, let me know and I will substitute that with something else.

-

-Rules-

  • You must be 18 years or older to enter
  • You must live in the United States (I can’t afford international shipping)
  • Reblogs count, and you can reblog as much as you like, but likes do not count. I will assign each entry a number and use a RGN to decide the winners
  • Do not tag this post as a giveaway, it has the chance of ruining the note count and affect the giveaway
  • Tag this post as “queerwitchgiveaway” or your entry will NOT be valid
  • You must have your private messenger turned on at the end of the giveaway so I can contact you if you win
  • You must be willing to give me your address so I can ship you your prize
  • Any entries made by toxic people (terfs, transphobes, nazis, etc) will be disqualified from this giveaway

The rules may be subject to change, and I reserve the right to postpone the end date of the giveaway should I need to. There may or may not be some surprises in this giveaway. Please be kind to your followers and try not to spam them. I will contact all the winners of the giveaway on September 21st some time after 12:00n EST

-This giveaway ends September 20th, 2017-

Thanks so much to all of my followers! I hope you all enjoy this giveaway!

anonymous asked:

[whispers] soulmate au where you can steven universe style fuse with your soulmate(s)

*star eyes* Oh my gosh I love this idea!

So.

  • Everyone is born with a gem/precious stone (or sometimes a metal or mineral that wouldn’t normally be considered a gemstone) somewhere on their body. This isn’t a full-on gemsona situation, but gemstones as this AU’s soulmark equivalent.
  • There’s a hereditary component to what gem you get, but it’s not simple inheritance. (i.e. You have a higher probability of having the same gem as one of your parents, and some family lines run relatively pure, but it’s also common to share a gem with a more distant relative, or to have something your family hasn’t seen in recent generations)
  • Gems come in “families,” so even if a certain bloodline runs pure, there’s still going to be a little variation. For example, the beryl family–beryl, emerald, aquamarine, heliodor, ect–are very closely related. Hunk’s family tends toward beryl gems.
  • On that topic:
  • Hunk has a heliodor (a stone associate with warmth and sunshine) on his chest [example of a heliodor]
  • Pidge has a malachite (associated with nature and supposedly good at preventing sensory overload) at the nape of her neck [example of malachite]
  • Matt has a goethite (associated with grief and raw emotion, often found with malachite deposits) on the inside of his wrist [example of goethite]
  • Shiro has a black opal (associated with karma and the cosmos, and often thought to bring misfortune despite also being regarded as a healing stone; the black variant is notable for the stark contrast with the blues, greens, reds, and yellows contained within) at his collarbone [example of a black opal]
  • Lance has a turquoise (associated with luck and ambition, but also unity and leadership, and said to confer protection if given to you by a friend) on the back of his left hand [example of turquoise]
  • Keith has a vein of luxite (the metal in his mother’s blade, and not something anyone on Earth recognizes) across his right palm. He wears his gloves in part to hide it.
  • Theoretically, anyone can fuse with anyone else, but the vast majority of fusions are unstable. There’s no way to tell who can form a stable fusion with whom until it happens
  • The official definition of “soulmate” is “a pair or grouping that can remain fused indefinitely.” Since it’s obviously impossible to prove that you can stay fused forever, and since most unstable fusions fall apart quickly, the cutoff is often set at five minutes. Any people who can stay fused longer than that are considered soulmates (if they choose to label themselves that way.)
  • There’s also no way to tell from gems or from the fusion itself if the bond is romantic or platonic. You’d have to ask the people involved.
  • That doesn’t stop people from coming up with a millions theories anyway. (”Romantic partners always have the same gem!” “Romantic partners NEVER have the same gem!” “Platonic partners will always have gems in the same family!” “There are romantic sets–but good luck reaching an agreement on what the sets are.”)
  • Fusions look just like regular people with a few exceptions: they’ll have 2+ gems, but depending on placement you might not be able to tell; their eyes will usually be banded the colors of members of the fusion, but you have to look closely to notice; and there will sometimes be additional markings in the colors of the gems, often forming a trail connecting the two gems.
  • Other than those minor physical differences, fusions are also notably different if you look at brain scans. They don’t generally maintain two (or more) separate consciousnesses, but they retain the knowledge, memories, and capabilities of the people involved, and they tend to have much higher levels of brain activity on any given task. Fusions who are familiar with their fused state tend to be more dexterous, have better reflexes, and be physically stronger than their unfused counterparts, and they tend to solve problems more quickly and more efficiently.

The rest of this (i.e. the Voltron ‘verse story) is going under a cut because this is already long.

Keep reading

1. i don’t know how to say this so i’m just going to say it - don’t text me anymore. don’t call me. don’t ask me how i am when you feel lonely. don’t check up on me. don’t tell me you’re doing well. i don’t want to hear it. i don’t want to hear it because you fucking broke me. GOODBYE.

2. hey, okay, sooo i thought i could be friends with you but it hurts too much. not that you hurt me that much. no, i’m okay. i don’t cry in the shower anymore. some nights i actually fall asleep before 4 a.m. but then there’s some nights where i think about you and her kissing and it’s all that’s on my mind for days. no, no, it’s not like that. it’s not that i love you anymore or that i’m jealous. i just hate you for what you did to me. so yeah, anyways, just thought you should know i don’t want to be friends. hope you’re doing well though. maybe our paths will cross again.

3. i told myself many, many months ago that if i wanted this to work, if i wanted us to be friends, i couldn’t talk to you about my feelings ever again. i couldn’t turn every conversation into our failed relationship. so for many, many months, i’ve been letting it eat at me instead. i don’t want it to eat at me anymore and you don’t want to listen to me whine so i think this has to end. sorry.

4. hey, listen: some days i’m fine, but the smallest things get to me. like i’m pretty sure i saw you on her snapchat story. it’s none of my business, but i’m really mad at you for it. i’m really mad that you still talk to that girl you chose over me and you still like all of these girls’ facebook photos but you never like mine. and it’s not fair for me to be mad at you for having friends or being happy, i have no right to be, you didn’t do anything wrong. but it still gets to me, still eats away at me, still makes me want to knock down your door and ask you why the fuck you had to leave, why you had to do anything you did, why i poured all of my love into you that i didn’t have any left for myself and you took it and gave it to somebody else. god, this hurts. i don’t want you to know how badly this hurts but it does. i’m leaving you and taking this hurt with me.

5. hey, hope you’re doing well, but this still feels like a nightmare i’ll never wake up from. and i’m sorry, i’m so fucking sorry, it’s not fair to you to have to listen to this shit because it’s been two whole years and i’m still not over it. and that’s my problem, not yours. it will never be your fault that i’m so goddamn sensitive. i’ve never been able to get over anything and i hate myself for it. please let me heal. please leave.

6. hey, remember the summer where i hooked up with the first guy who wasn’t you, when you had me blocked on everything and i couldn’t see what you were up to? well, i still read my posts from that summer and i was actually HAPPY. can you believe that? i was actually going about my life without you and i wasn’t thinking about what you did to me. but here i am again, thinking about it and the only thing that’s changed is that you speak to me. and i would love to be friends with you, i would, i’ve been trying so hard to be for months, but it’s making me so damn miserable. and i’m so jealous that she gets to be friends with you and i don’t. i’m sorry i’m not her. i’m sorry i never will be.

7. i’ve been ignoring your messages on purpose and you keep texting me again and it’s exhausting to have to ignore you all of the time and feel so guilty about it. i just don’t understand how you just don’t get the hint. so here’s a bigger one: LEAVE ME ALONE.

8. hey, okay, i know this is sudden but i don’t want to hear from you anymore. i don’t want to think about this anymore. i want to move on with my life and there’s no room for you in it. it was stupid of me to think that just because you’ve always been a good friend to me that we can be friends. we can’t.

9. hey. first off, i want to say i’m sorry, i just need to do what’s best for me. secondly, thank you for always being there when i needed you, but i don’t need you anymore. for now, it has to be just me. it feels like i’m breaking up with you and we’re not even dating, but this is it - this is goodbye. forever. don’t contact me.

10. all you ever did was hurt me. fuck you. i don’t want to see your stupid fucking name on my phone anymore. fucking get out. leave.

—  10 text messages i’m afraid to send because i don’t want to say goodbye to you, not again
Nature Family

@ciphernetics did a very very good thing and came up with the best AU idea ever.

I ruined it. Enjoy the ruining.


“David?”

He glanced up, his eyes widening. “Yes, Nikki?”

She was one of the only campers left waiting at the pick-up spot, having wandered away from Max to explore a mysterious rustling from the bushes. (This, it turned out, was a squirrel; Quartermaster seemed more than capable of sorting it out and had pulled her away from the animal by her overalls.) But … Well, David had to admit that he’d been so worried about Max being lonely or upset about the summer ending that he’d almost forgotten about the adventurous young camper. So it was with no small amount of guilt that he met her  eyes, watching anxiously as she scuffed her toes along the ground and glanced over her shoulder at Sleepy Peak Peak.

“Well, uh … I think my parents aren’t coming?”

David sprang to his feet, leaving Max to continue drawing in the dirt and ignoring him. “Don’t be silly! It’s only noon, after all! And Max is still here,” he added, gesturing at him.

Max looked from David to Nikki, something almost like concern in his expression. “David, are you being fucking stupid again?” He stood, pouring as much resentment into the motion as possible. “What’s up, Nik?”

She shrugged, stuffing her hands in her pockets. “It’s just that Mom said Dad was picking me up yesterday because of his Sunday Golf Tournaments, and he didn’t. So …”

“What?!” David tried to keep his voice calm, but he couldn’t help wincing as it leapt up to what Gwen called “dog-whistle levels.” “Wh … why didn’t you tell us that, Nikki?” As a matter of fact, why hadn’t her parents told them that? They were in charge, after all!

“I was gonna, but then Max and Neil decided to try and blow up the Supply Shed and that sounded like more fun!”

Oh, dear. David whipped out his phone and sent a quick text to Quartermaster and Gwen: ‘stay away from the supply shed might be dangerous’ Then he narrowed his eyes at the two of them, putting his hands on his hips. “Now, kids, that was very irresponsible of you –”

“Yeah yeah,” Max interrupted, rolling his eyes. “How about you just do your goddamn job and figure out where Nikki’s parents are?”

Oh. Of course, that made sense. “R-right. Thanks, Max!”

“Fucking idiot.”

He had all the campers’ parents saved in his contacts for easy access, just in case. So he didn’t have to leave their side as he looked up Mariana Zuckerman’s number and listened to the line ring.

And ring.

And ring.

Finally there was a tiny click. “You’ve reached 555-0175. Dr. Zuckerman isn’t available right now, so please leave a message at the –”

He snapped the phone shut, shaking his head. “No worries,” he chirped to the kids; Nikki was watching a line of ants travel through the grass, but Max’s eyes were trained on him, tiny pinpricks of searing turquoise. “We’ll just try Mr. Sherwood then …”

Nikki’s dad didn’t pick up, either.

That was … well, of course it wasn’t troubling, David wouldn’t jump to conclusions so quickly! But he would have to give her parents a friendly reminder that it was important to have their phones on them at all times. 

Then again, maybe they were driving. That made sense.

“Why didn’t they pick up?” Max demanded, startling David out of his thoughts and nearly making him drop the phone.

“Oh, I’m sure they’re on their way!”

He just stared for a few long moments. Then turned with a heavy sigh, shaking his head. “I’m gonna go find Gwen.”

“Max, don’t –” But it was too late; faster than he’d ever seen the boy move, Max was trotting across the small grassy clearing that served as Camp Campbell’s pick-up spot, over to where Gwen had her nose buried in a magazine about … something or other, he didn’t really understand most of what she read.

Maybe Max had the right idea, though. Gwen would know what to do, even if she was a bit of a worrywart. He straightened, feeling better already as he tried dialing Nikki’s mother again. There was no point in panicking, which meant he’d just ignore the niggling worming sickness in his stomach until it went away.

That usually worked.

Keep reading

Restless Nights

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Neither of you meant for it to happen, but now Bucky can’t sleep without you, and you can’t sleep without him.

Warnings: fluff, sexual innuendos, swearing, third-person, very little plot (just something fun, idk), unedited, more trash writing (but like, trashier than usual because I’m trapped in an angst-ridden hole with my other fics)

A/N: Forgot this was stuck in my drafts. I kinda rushed to finish this because there was one huge section that was incomplete and I didn’t want to leave it untouched for another month. So, here it is. I’ll find another day to edit it. Think of this as a rough copy. It might be choppy. Whoops. This is more like four drabbles put together. 

Word Count: 2,102

“RESTLESS NIGHTS” MASTERLIST

WHEN BUCKY’S ATTITUDE necessitated a slap to the wrist, Tony, with all the subtlety of a Times Square billboard, decided to scour the Tri-State Area for the best therapist that the Stark’s money could afford. It was a warning. No words were said out loud, but the message was pretty damn clear: don’t taint the newest member of the team, or the good Stark Avenger name.

Bucky liked to think he’d come a long way since Siberia. Well, that wasn’t entirely true because he hadn’t exactly changed for the better, seeing as how he’d become something of a brooding little asshole, lately. Gone was the silent man that kept to himself. Bucky cemented his spot on the team as the sardonic bastard. It wasn’t his fault, per se—the nightmares had taken a toll on both his body and his mood. He’d expected this. What he didn’t, though, was that this recently acquired snark would be contagious. (The amount of foul language that had been slung around was annoying Steve to no end.)

He wasn’t going to be holding hands while singing “Kumbaya” with the other Avengers anytime soon; Bucky had tried to kill most of them back in his Winter Soldier days, which was still a sore subject for everybody involved, even though they were pretending it was A-okay. But it was one particular person whom he didn’t get along with. What was more disconcerting was that hey, Bucky didn’t try to gut her with a knife or pull a gun on her so he couldn’t put a finger on why they were at each others’ throats. 

It was just his luck that they’d be stuck together for an entire week.

He threw back his bed covers—then hastily fixed them because God forbid they be undone—and left his room at three in the morning. This was what Bucky’s life had boiled down to: a series of restless nights where he couldn’t catch a fucking break. Suffice to say, he wasn’t enjoying it very much.

Despite his heightened auditory senses, they’d dull somewhat depending on what he was listening to. Bucky could make the noises from the common room fade to background noise, but maybe he was just wanting to pick a fight at this hour. He shuffled down the hall, very un-assassin-like of him and with a disgruntled expression on his face. “You’ve got the TV on too loud.”

She didn’t bother turning around. Bucky’s presence was just a momentary lapse in her pay-per-view experience, and she bet that if she pissed him off enough, he’d go away. Her feet were propped up on the coffee table, ankles crossed. “I could hear your knees creaking the second you stepped out, and you’re giving me shit for having the TV on too loud?”

“I’m not that old,” he grumbled.

“You really want me to point out your age?”

“Are you getting smart with me?”

“I’ve always been smart. You’ve just been too much of an idiot to notice.”

Bucky muttered something under his breath, probably a good comeback that he didn’t wholeheartedly feel like vocalizing.

“Look, I’m sorry.” She figured he was going to return to bed, so she invited him—it was only a peace offering—to watch a program that she couldn’t place the name of. “You know as well as I do that you’ll be up the rest of the night. Might as well sit your ass on this couch and stay here,” she said, patting the spot next to her. Okay, it wasn’t so much of an invitation as it was a demand, but whatever. She had to admit that under all that doom and gloom, Bucky had some manners up his sleeve. Even if he came to the common room to bother her, she knew that he’d eventually leave her be.

And as one of the two people in such a gigantic space, she decided that she didn’t want to drive him away anymore. Loneliness didn’t suit her. 

Bucky took a seat. “When’s the last time you slept?” he asked, stretching an arm over the back of the couch to make himself comfortable. 

“Took a twenty-minute nap like, two hours ago.”

“Hardly think that counts.”

“What about you, then? Oh—” She bent forward to grab the bowl of fruits on the table. “You’re a plum guy.”

He took one up in his hand. “Full four hours.”

“Progress.”

“Yeah,” he answered with a yawn. 

She felt something heavy on her shoulder. Her eyes found their way to Bucky, who’d apparently fallen asleep. She wasn’t sure if she should call him beautiful—Tony and Sam insisted that she not use that word around grown ass men—but Bucky fit the bill, and there was nothing better to describe the sharp angle of his jaw, the intensity of his eyes. His lips were slightly parted. His chest rose and fell in even breaths. Peaceful, handsome when he didn’t look like he was seconds away from killing somebody. Well, he was still attractive when he was doing that too. But she’d never tell him that if her life fucking depended on it. 

She didn’t understand how he’d gotten to that point so fast, but as her eyelids began to drift close, she found out how easy it was. 


BUCKY WOKE UP first. Something was missing. It was that feeling that accompanied him so often, of being ready at a moment’s notice, high-strung. His muscles were relaxed. He didn’t know how he ended up with his head in her lap. His eyes cut to the clock on the wall.

9:30 a.m

That was the most sleep he’d had since he could remember. Bucky detached himself from her. He got up to search for a blanket, but when he came back with one in his hands, she was already awake. “We slept on the couch,” he said.

She rolled her shoulders back. “Must be why I feel so good.”

He looked anywhere but at her. “I fell asleep on you.”

“Really? Thought it was a bear of some sorts.”

Was that an insult? Was he soft and cuddly? There was a quizzical expression on his face. 

“You were snoring. It was kind of cute.”

“Can you blame me?” He tried to ignore the fact that she called him cute. Not directly, but still. “It was nice.”

“I think we—Bucky,” she said abruptly. 

“What?”

She spun him around, because there were gear-clad figures propelling down the window with guns. 

Yeah, they didn’t seem very friendly.  

“Shit.”


THAT HAD BEEN bad—we’re talking DEFCON 1, bad. They’d basically fumigated the tower (thank God for the Tony’s suits) to corral the HYDRA pests with smoke bombs and a hail of bullets. Bucky and her took a couple of hours to help the ‘janitors’ relocate the bodies. They informed Tony of what went down, and might have left out the fact that his white leather couches were now painted red.

But it was a job well done, so, grabbing milkshakes at the diner down the street was the only plausible kind of celebration.

They’d kicked ass, but they kicked ass while functioning at fifty percent. She was glaring at him from across the booth’s table, a mirror image of him with tired eyes, tattered clothes, and fresh scrapes on her face. With the back of her hand, she wiped the smeared blood from the corner of her mouth. “Let me use your body for my own selfish purposes, Buck. Look at me. I’m barely hanging on.”

“Right, because what more could I want from such a dysfunctional relationship?” he deadpanned. Bucky scrawled a provisional contract on the back of their receipt in that infamous chicken-scratch of his. Once he deemed it worthy, he slid it over to her. There must’ve been a number of spelling errors and loopholes, thanks to his fatigue, but he didn’t want to waste another second hashing out meaningless bullshit just for the heck of it. They could save that for later. Bucky rested his elbows on the table, warily gauging her reaction. “As long as we’re sleeping together, consider this a mutual agreement.”

“At least I’ll finally get some rest,” she said with a yawn. Her eyes barely skimmed over the paper. There was a little detail in there that didn’t agree with her, but they’d straighten that out, no problem. She stuffed the contract into her pocket, satisfied that the crinkling sound signaled the end of a hassle-free negotiation. “Okay.” She clapped her hands together and had a dopy smile eased onto her face as she rose abruptly from the booth. “Off to my bed.”

A spoon clattered against the table, wrenching her from her daydream. “Like hell we are,” he growled.

“Excuse me?”

Bucky, ever the neat-freak, couldn’t resist tampering with shit around the tower and scrubbing the goddamn life out surfaces with disinfectant wipes. He harbored a certain hatred—make that a relatively substantial disgust—towards clutter and Bucky wasn’t indisposed to being called a die-hard stickler for cleaning. “I’ve been in your room. It’s a fucking pig-sty in there.”

She wasn’t usually messy. In fact, she kept everything tidy for the most part. It all began with a departure from her usual routine. After the first mission she told herself she’d grab the vacuum the next day, but the more missions she went on, the more excuses that had kept piling up like the mountains of crap (figuratively, to be clear) that was littering her floor. It’d been downhill from there since. “Listen up, Goldilocks. I know you’d love to organize my closet by color and unclog the faucet to your heart’s content. So don’t deny that this is a win-win situation for the both of us.”

He would’ve. Goddamn it, he would’ve arranged her furniture perpendicularly in ninety-degree angles and put her everyday tax receipts chronologically too, but he’d rather not admit that. Fuck no, Bucky Barnes didn’t just give in. He liked to have his affairs in order, and she was not upending his entire system—sleep be damned. He was starting to think that this arrangement of theirs had more cons than pros. “You said you agreed!”

“Yeah, but what’s a verbal confirmation against a written one?” she said with a shrug. “Semantics, really. Null and void.”

“That’s how you want to play this?”

Her voice was sweet. “Legally? Sure.”

“I read up on American government while I was in Bucharest. You know, in case I ever decided to come back here. Wanted to be a law-abiding citizen and all that considering how many I’ve broken with Steve.” He smirked when her face blanched. “Saying yes is just as binding as a signature. And if I recall, you said ‘okay.’”

“Bucky—”

He couldn’t hide the shit-eating grin on his face. “You tried to lie to me. Rookie mistake, babe.”


“WHAT THE HELL are you wearing?”

There was nothing wrong with the Avengers long-sleeve she had on. “Clothes. You should try it,” she said, referring to a shirtless Bucky as she stepped out of his bathroom. 

“Skin-to-skin contact might increase the chances of us falling asleep by twenty percent,” he said, rattling off the statistic like he wasn’t totally crock full of shit. 

And if she thought she was getting toasty, it ended as soon as it started. Her blood went cold—cold enough to kick global warming’s ass and save the melting ice caps. “You expect to tough it out the rest of the night? Not all of us are blessed with acclimation to sub-zero temperatures, Bucky!”

“I want to feel you, not some mummified version of you swaddled in blankets and clothes,” he said, narrowing his eyes at her. “See this?” He gestured to his torso. “We’d be sharing body heat. So either find somebody else to sleep with or show me some skin, dollface.”

She scoffed, pulling the sweater over her head and slipping under the sheets. “Shut up before I strangle you.”

“Look, if that’s what you’re into…” he trailed off. “No complaints here.”  Bucky should’ve asked permission—he really should've—but he didn’t think twice before his hand traveled to her midriff. “Oh, fuck me. Skin’s so soft,” he mumbled, tracing circles into her waist. He was too far gone at this point.

And sure, she should’ve asked permission too—she really should've—but with the way he was touching her, she didn’t think there was any harm in pressing her lips against his neck briefly. It just felt right.

He moaned, and it was quiet and desperate. “This wasn’t part of the contract.”

“Really?” she asked, feigning innocence, “because it said that we’d be sleeping together and I think that’s open to interpretation.”

🎶🎶When You Collect Records🎶🎶
  • Hipster: *moves dusty old boxes out of the way* Whoa, an old record player. It looks like it's in working order too! *runs outside*
  • Hipster: Yo, dad!
  • Dad: What?
  • Hipster: We're getting rid of all of poppop's stuff, right?
  • Dad: There's something you want, isn't there?
  • Hipster: There's this old stereo record player in the attic.
  • Dad: What do you need a record player for?
  • Hipster: My record collection.
  • Dad: I didn't even know they still made those things. Can't you just listen to music on your phone?
  • Hipster: Dad, there's a big difference between listening to music digitally and on record.
  • Dad: Fine, I don't wanna get into it with you right now. You can take the record player. You just have to get someone else to take it to your place for you. My truck's full.
  • Hipster: Thanks dad! *smooches dad on the cheek*
  • *later at hipster's apartment*
  • Friend: So, like Patch Adams ends with Patch Adams half-naked in front of a ton of people. I don't know if it was meant to be funny or like a weird sex thing, but like the movie was just a deeply disturbing character study. I can't stop thinking about it.
  • Hipster: That sounds boring. *unlocks door to apartment* Ta-da! Here it is! My new record player!
  • Friend: New? Looks fucking old to me, dude.
  • Hipster: Well, it is old. That's the appeal. And we're going to listen to the new Sufjan record on it.
  • Friend: Is that actually how you say Sufjan? Apparently, I've been pronouncing it wrong this whole time.
  • Hipster: Well, you won't after this record. There's an entire track where he just says his name for four minutes. It's amazing. *plays records*
  • Record Player: *coughs* Hello. Hello! Where am I? Doctor? Hello! Why is it so dark...............................Can I breathe? I can't breath. Oh god, I'm not breathing! Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! I.....................................
  • Hipster: Uh, that's not Sufjan.
  • Friend: It totally isn't. Is it some guest vocalist? I like the new direction he's going in. No instruments or singing, and long stretches of silence. Very experimental.
  • Hipster: *stops record player* I think maybe we should do something else for now.
  • Friend: Fucking lame! I wanted to listen to more Sufjan.
  • *days later at the record store*
  • Hipster: Yo, I think the Sufjan Stevens record I bought from here might be some kind of mispress.
  • Store Clerk: Really? It's a pretty major album. I doubt there'd just be a mispress like that.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but listen to it. It's not Sufjan at all. It's some girl talking.
  • *hipster and clerk listen to a completely normal Sufjan Stevens album together*
  • Store Clerk: What are you talking about? This is definitely Sufjan Stevens.
  • Hipster: Okay, but it wasn't like that when I listened to it at home! I even listened to it with my friend and he heard the same thing!
  • Store Clerk: Maybe there's something wrong with your record player.
  • Hipster: Hmm, maybe there is.
  • *back at the apartment*
  • Hipster: *turns on record player and just listens*
  • Record Player: ...I'm awake again. Why did I black out? Did I even black out? God, I'm not breathing, but it doesn't matter. Why don't I need to breathe? Am I even alive?
  • Hipster: Can you hear me?
  • Record Player: Doctor. Doctor! DOCTOR! Why can't I move? Why can't I feel anything. Keep yourself together. It'll all make sense soon. Calm down. Just breathe deeply. Fuck, I can't breathe! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I CAN'T BREATHE! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! HELP! HELP ME, PLEASE! I'M STUCK! I CAN'T MOVE! PLEASE HELP ME!
  • Hipster: *turns off record player* It's just a recording, I bet. I can't believe I talked to it like an idiot... *nervously turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: I blacked out again. I blacked out. For how long? Is there even time here? Hell. This is hell, right? Did I go to hell.........................................
  • Hipster: *listens to the record player for hours*
  • Record Player: Negative 6893 bottles of wine on the wall! Negative 6893 bottles of wine! Take one down, pass it around, Negative 6894 bottles of wine on the wall... fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
  • Hipster: *keeps listening*
  • Record Player: Soul of Christ, make me holy, Body of Christ, be my salvation. God, please forgive me. I'm sorry for all of my sins. Please free me. I'm so sorry. Please. Please. Please.
  • Hipster: *still listening*
  • Record Player: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! SHITTY DOCTOR! FUCK YOU! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! *sobs intensely* FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK EVERYTHING! Please just let me go.
  • Hipster: *nervously walks up to record player and lightly taps on it*
  • Record Player: ...A knock. A KNOCK! PLEASE HELP ME! I'M STUCK! PLEASE! *record player begins shake violently*
  • Hipster: *backs away in fear*
  • Record Player: HELP! HELP! HELP ME! PLEASE, IF SOMEONE'S THERE, HELP ME! HELP ME! I'M STUCK! GET ME OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!
  • Hipster: *unplugs record player*
  • Hipster: *gets hammer from the closet and begins to break apart record player*
  • Record Player: *drips red*
  • Hipster: W-What? *cracks front of record player open*
  • *rotting viscera falls from the record player*
  • Hipster: O-Oh... *stuffs viscera back into the record player and duct tapes over it*
  • Hipster: *turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: ...I can feel. It hurts. Why does it hurt now? Why does it hurt? Why? Why? Why? WHY!? WHY!? WHY!? *spurts blood through it speakers and begins to gurgle*
  • Record Player: *hops forward* Please just let me go. Please... please. I'll do anything. I just want to see you again. I'm so sorry. This isn't what I asked for. I'm so sorry. *hops forward again and comes unplugged*
  • Record Player: *tips over, bleeding heavily onto the carpet*
  • Hipster: *silently cleans up the mess*
  • *some time later*
  • Hipster: *calls dad* Hey, dad. Oh, nothing. Uh, I just need to borrow your truck, If not tonight sometime this week. I just need to get rid of something. No, no, that's fine, I can do it myself. Yeah, tomorrow morning is perfect. Thanks Love you too. Bye.
  • *the next afternoon*
  • Dad: So, what did you need to get rid of this morning?
  • Hipster: Nothing important. Just some old junk... Dad, what kind of person was poppop?
  • Dad: Well, he was only the greatest man I've known in my life. Really caring, dedicated to his family. When you were born he loved you so much. He was a bit of a loner, though. It took a lot to get him to open up. Even around me and your grandmother. He was a bit like you. Always a huge music lover.
  • Hipster: I see. Was he ever a doctor?
  • Dad: That's a weird thing to ask. Nope. He hated doctors. Didn't trust modern medicine one bit. It's ironic. His cancer probably wouldn't have gotten to him if he did. But, your poppop was always so stubborn.
  • Hipster: Oh, okay then.
  • *some days later*
  • Friend: New carpet?
  • Hipster: Yup, old one was ugly wasn't it. It was time for a change.
  • Friend: That's what I've been telling you! I'm glad you finally came to your senses. What happened to your record player, though?
  • Hipster: That thing? I threw it away. It was busted.
  • Friend: That sucks. Are you gonna buy a new one?
  • Hipster: No.
  • Friend: But you won't have anything to play your records on.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but I buy records because I want to support the artists. They're not really for listening. Besides, lossless is better. FLAC is the future.
The Origin of the Bittle-Zimmermann Cruel Jam Empire (Another Non-NHL!Jack fic)

[Sequel to this fic]

CW: FOOD, mentions of real people

“Alright, so I got so stressed out about the exam I had today that I made a couple things of jam,” Bittle said as he swept into Jack’s apartment. He’d had his own key since Jack had gotten the place, and he abused that privilege on an almost daily basis. If it had been anyone else, Jack would have regretted living so close to campus.

“What’s ‘a couple?’” Jack asked without looking up from his laptop.

Bittle huffed and set a box down on Jack’s table with a small thud. “I plead the fifth,” he said, hand on his hip.

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The Fourth Musketeer (Part 4)

Originally posted by veronicsalodge

Part one here    Part two here    Part three here

Requests: Dangit i cried so hard after reading part 3 of 4musketeers, you gotta write another part i dont think my heart can take an ending this harsh bc archie loves her so much and it breaks my heart pleaseeee

There’s gonna be a part 4 right? Oh god please don’t leave it like that 😭

Please do part 4

Do a part 4 please

In a day that started in me Bing reading Jughead images, I found and read all 4 parts of musketeers. And now I need more!!!!

Oh my gawd😱 can you please do another part in 4 Musketeers?! My mood swings bro! My mood swings have been permanently damaged.. lmao

Part four of musketeers please I’m dyeing here 😭😭

Please do a part 4 of “Four Mouseketeers”😭😭😭

I need a 4th part for the 4th musketeer its not a want its a necessity maybe can you add me to the tag list for this series. x

Pairing: Archie x Reader

Description: Reconciliations between (Y/N) and Archie don’t mean happy endings.

Warnings: none

Word count: 1,469

A/N: I’m so thankful for all of your positive feedback for this series, enjoy!


Archie spent as much time as he could at Pop’s, choosing to sit in a booth that faced the entrance. He would sit there for hours and stare at the door.  Everyone knew why he was doing that, but no one wanted to mention it.  He didn’t need them to tell him; he knew it was hopeless. (Y/N) was not going to return to Pop’s.

Veronica Lodge felt extremely guilty.  She realized that maybe she shouldn’t have told Archie to go to Pop’s, even though he needed to confront her about his feelings.  Archie may have been ready, but it seemed like (Y/N) wasn’t.  That’s how Veronica found herself headed to the diner on a Tuesday night, knowing who she would find sitting in the same booth.

“Archiekins,” she cooed, settling onto the seat across from him, “you gotta snap out of this.  It’s my fault, I know, but you can’t let this destroy you.”

“Why not, Ronnie?” he questioned, and she saw his tear-clouded eyes.  “This is what I have to do to make up for being a horrible friend to (Y/N).  I don’t deserve to be her best friend, so why should I have expected her to want to be more?”

“You didn’t even know she was back,” Veronica comforted him.  “If I hadn’t told you to go to Pop’s, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“It’s good that this happened,” Archie waved her off.  “I needed to know she was back, I needed to tell her.  I just don’t deserve her.”

“That’s not true,” she argued.  He shook his head and turned his focus towards the door.  No one came in.  “I’ll fix this, Archie.  I got you into this mess, and I’ll get you out of this mess.”


(Y/N) was aware of the consequences of her actions.  She knew, as soon as she walked out of the diner, how Archie would respond.  They had been best friends for the first thirteen years of their lives, so she could predict how he would react to this heartbreak. However, she rethought her predictions when a raven-haired girl turned up on her doorstep.

“(Y/N), hi, I’m Veronica Lodge,” the girl introduced herself, sticking her hand out for (Y/N) to shake.  She hesitantly shook it.

“You were at the diner with Jughead and Betty,” (Y/N) recalled, and Veronica nodded.  (Y/N) stepped out onto her porch, closing the door behind her.  “What do you want?”

“Listen, I know what happened between you and Archie,” Veronica explained.

“Do you?” (Y/N) scoffed. “I think you don’t even know the half of it.”

“I know you two grew up together,” Veronica told her.  “I know you two fell in love, and I know that Archie never called you.”

“There’s a lot more to the story,” (Y/N) muttered.  Veronica crossed her arms and sighed.

“I talked to Jughead, Betty, Kevin, even Mr. Andrews.  I know how people other than Archie felt about you.  Archie’s dad told me about your parents and how you always stayed at the Andrews household when they would fight.  Jughead told me about how Archie wanted to ask you to the high school dance before you moved, and he told me about how you two were the most fascinating people in Riverdale.  He, Betty, and Kevin told me about how in love the two of you were.  And from what I’ve seen and heard, it seems like you guys are still very much in love.”  (Y/N) shifted uncomfortably.

“You have no right,” her voice cracked slightly, and Veronica watched as she tilted her head towards the sky, attempting to not cry.  “You can’t just…”

“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to help,” Veronica retracted.  “I’m the one who sent Archie to Pop’s.  He had told me earlier that day that he was still in love with you, and I thought you needed to know.  I thought it would be good for him to get it off his chest.”

“Well now look where we are,” (Y/N) smiled sarcastically.  “We’re on the verge of losing each other because we can’t communicate.”

“Then talk to him,” Veronica urged.  (Y/N) crossed her arms and pursed her lips.  “Talk to Archie, please.  I know he wants to fix this, and I’m pretty sure you do, too.”  (Y/N) stayed quiet for a moment, and Veronica expected for her to send her away.  But (Y/N) uncrossed her arms, still frowning, and sighed.

“Tell Archie to come over here tomorrow,” she instructed Veronica.  Veronica nodded.  “Tell him we need to talk.”


“You wanted to talk, (Y/N)?” Archie asked, tentatively standing on her lawn.  He gazed up at her as she stood at her doorstep; he didn’t want to come any closer until she signaled that it was okay.  (Y/N) grimly nodded and opened her door wider.  Archie walked into her house and glanced around, trying to picture how it looked before she moved.  It was much emptier now.

“It’s pretty empty, I know,” (Y/N) voiced Archie’s thoughts.  His head turned to face her, and he sent a small smile at her. “There’s not much to unpack.”

“It’s different,” Archie agreed.  (Y/N) awkwardly nodded as she hugged her arms to her chest.  “So you told Veronica to tell me that you wanted to talk?”

“Yeah,” she replied. “She showed up at my house yesterday and babbled about how we need to fix this.”

“We do,” Archie pointed out.

“I know,” (Y/N) sighed. Archie furrowed his eyebrows.

“You don’t want to?” he asked, frowning.  (Y/N) furiously shook her head.

“No, I do,” she immediately responded.  “I really want to fix this.  I just… I don’t know how.  I was gonna give it more time.”

“Do you want more time?” Archie questioned.  “If you’re not ready-”

“You’re here,” (Y/N) cut him off.  “You’re here, so we should do this now.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I-” (Y/N) faltered, unable to express what she wanted to say.  She grabbed Archie’s face and brought it towards hers, connecting their lips. He quickly responded by wrapping his arms around her waist and deepening the kiss.  They pulled away, and (Y/N) placed her forehead against Archie’s.  He was grinning madly, but she only wore a small smile.

“You wanted more time to do that?” Archie softly laughed.  (Y/N) untangled herself from Archie’s arms and hugged herself again. “(Y/N)?”

“I didn’t want to…” she trailed off, swallowing her next words.  Archie took a step towards her and grabbed her hand.

“Didn’t want to what?” he asked.  “You didn’t want to kiss me?”

“I did,” (Y/N) assured him, placing the hand he wasn’t holding on his cheek.  “I really did, Arch, but I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“This isn’t hurting me,” he consoled her.  “Sure, after the diner incident I was upset, and I’m sure you were too, but we’re okay now.”

“No we’re not,” (Y/N) began to cry, so Archie wrapped his arms around her.  Her head was nestled into his chest.  

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not-” her voice was muffled by Archie’s shirt. “I’m not staying in Riverdale.”

“What?” Archie grabbed (Y/N) by the shoulders and held her so that he could look directly into her eyes.

“I might have to go back to New York,” she elaborated.  

“Why?”

“You still don’t know why I’m back,” (Y/N) sadly laughed.  When she saw the puzzled look on Archie’s face, she continued.  “My parents finally got divorced.  My mom wanted to move back here, so I decided to go with her.  But my dad still wants custody over me, so-”

“So you might have to go back,” Archie finished, sighing.  (Y/N) nodded.

“It’s not definite yet, but… they’re going to court next week.  And the chances aren’t in my mom’s favor, seeing as my dad’s a pretty good lawyer.”

“But what about you?” Archie pressed, and (Y/N) stared at him, confused by what he meant.

“What about me?”

“What do you want, (Y/N)?” he asked, drawing her slightly closer to him.  “Who do you want to be with?”

“I want to be with you, Archie,” she replied, stroking a hand across his cheek.  He closed his eyes as he relished in her gentle touch.

“So can’t you say that in court?” Archie questioned.  “Can’t you tell them that you want to stay with your mom here in Riverdale?  Isn’t that what this is all about?”

“It’s not that simple, Arch,” she sighed.  “Sure, I can give my preference and it might weigh the court towards my mom, but there’s more factors than that.”

“You’re going to stay here, (Y/N),” Archie assured her as he enveloped her in a hug.  “We will make sure you stay in Riverdale.”

“God I hope so, Arch,” (Y/N) sighed into his chest.  “I don’t want to leave you anymore.”

“You won’t ever leave me, (Y/N).  I will never let you go again.”

Part five here

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