this didn't come out as nice as i wanted it to but it'll do

Garrett and Marian - Legacy Banters
  • Marian: Well... not quite how I imagined this family reunion going. I was envisioning more hugs and maybe some wine over dinner. Not attempted assassinations
  • Carver: Really? You think this is so abnormal for our family?
  • Marian: Well you got me there
  • ---
  • Bethany: What could our father have to do with this mess? The Carta have had more than enough time to try and find us
  • Garrett: I imagine that having two Champions of Kirkwall with the last name Hawke may have tipped them off
  • Bethany: But it's been three years since you and sis defeated the Arishok. Why wait that long?
  • Marian: Well I don't know about you, but if I was going to go after the people who killed an Arishok then I'd probably want to make a little time for planning, wouldn't you?
  • Carver: Do these morons strike you as the sensible type?
  • Marian: Two points in one day Carver? Don't tell me the Templars are actually drilling some wit into that skull of yours
  • Carver: *laughs* At least /my/ wit makes a point, dear sister
  • Bethany: Ooh, that had to hurt
  • Garrett: Do you need some healing for that one, Marian?
  • Marian: Oh shove off, all of you
  • ---
  • Garrett: And we're back in the Deep Roads
  • Marian: Oh it's not that bad. I mean... Look at all the... Ugh, no, you're right this is terrible. Let's all promise never to go to the Deep Roads after this. Three times is enough
  • Garrett: Three times? When was the second?
  • Marian: Um... well...
  • Carver and Bethany: *sing song voices* Somebody's in trouble
  • ---
  • Bethany: Varric wrote to me the other day
  • Garrett: Telling another of his stories, I bet. Was it the one about the high dragon, because that didn't really-
  • Bethany: No. He was giving me an update. On you, actually. I was... worried, so I wrote to him and asked
  • Garrett: I'm fine Beth. Really
  • Bethany: No you're not. Not yet. But I know you, and if anyone can get past it, you can
  • Garrett: Thank you
  • ---
  • Carver: You might want to be watch yourself, Garrett
  • Garrett: How come?
  • Carver: Ever since you sided with Orsino the other day, there's been... Rumours. Meredith isn't happy with you, and it's only because she allows it that you're still free
  • Garrett: So is she going to have me dragged to the Circle, or is she getting the Brand ready now?
  • Fenris: Don't say that
  • Carver: I would never let it get that far. But I thought I'd warn you, just in case you were thinking about making her mad
  • Garrett: I appreciate you telling me Carver. Don't worry. I'll be careful
  • ---
  • *after completing Malcolm's Will*
  • Marian: So... the stonework down here is... lovely, isn't it?
  • Carver: Not now, Mary
  • Marian: I was only... Alright
  • ---
  • Marian: Are you okay, Gary?
  • Garrett: I'm fine... Just...
  • Marian: He loved you. And Bethany. He'd be so proud of you
  • Garrett: You sound so sure of that
  • Marian: Of course I am. Because it's true. And don't let that nasty shit in your head tell you otherwise - it's a liar, remember
  • Garrett: *chuckles* Alright
  • Bethany: Be careful sister, people might think you've got a heart after all
  • Marian: *dramatically* Oh no! *clutches chest* I think... I think I'm getting feelings! Quick, someone beat them out of me!
  • Carver: *laughs* You be careful what you wish for sister
  • Isabela: I'd rather ride them out of you
  • Garrett: Ah, and there's the dirty line. I was starting to worry something was wrong Bela
  • Isabela: And you're as sweet as ever, Garrett
  • ---
  • Varric: Twenty silvers, that's my final offer. Take it or leave it Elf
  • Marian: What are you betting on, and why am I getting left out of it?
  • Varric: You want in? We're betting on what it'll take to get Junior and Waffles to hug
  • Garrett: *groans* You're not calling me 'Waffles' again, are you?
  • Varric: I have to. Every time I say 'Hawke' all four of you turn around. I'm being considerate
  • Carver: I bet there's /someone/ here who'd like to see him covered in syrup
  • Garrett: Carver!
  • Fenris: *embarrassed noises*
  • Isabela: Ooh, new friend-fiction idea!
  • Garrett: Don't you even dare!
  • Isabela: Too late, already dared. Can we make camp? I need to make notes
  • ---
  • Varric: Hey, Rivaini, I'm expecting royalties if that friend-fiction of yours gets published
  • Carver: When you didn't even come up with it?
  • Varric: You wouldn't have brought up syrup if I didn't call him Waffles
  • Garrett: Maker save me...
  • Bethany: And me...
  • Marian: Usually I like dirty things... But this is too far, even for me
  • Isabela: Are you saying you wouldn't like it if /I/ were covered in syrup?
  • Marian: Oh I'm sorry. I didn't realise you were my very hairy twin brother, Bela
  • Isabela: Well when you put it that way...
  • ---
  • Isabela: I always thought we were the loud ones, you know
  • Fenris: What?
  • Marian: I know right. Maybe they're just less shy about it now
  • Garrett: Do I want to know?
  • Isabela: You already know. Or did you deafen yourself?
  • Marian: To think, they don't need us shouting encouragement through the wall anymore. I'm so proud
  • Isabela: Our boys are growing up so fast. Maybe next they'll master foreplay
  • Carver: Oh Maker, I do not want to hear this
  • Bethany: Neither do I
  • Garrett: *loudly* And I would be very happy if we could stop talking about this. Right now
  • Isabela: Yeah, see. That kind of loud
  • Fenris: *deadpan* If you're so fascinated by Garrett being loud, then you must not be doing a very good job at making Marian scream, Isabela
  • Marian: Oooooooo
  • Isabela: Oh, you snarky little shit
  • Bethany: *loudly* If we could stop discussing my older brother's and sister's sex lives, I would appreciate it
  • Carver: *loudly* Oh look, more darkspawn. Let's kill them so we can stop talking about this
  • ---
  • Marian: So our choices are the nice, Tainted madman, or the mage who wants to let a darkspawn magister out of his hole in the ground? Why can we never make nice decisions, like what kind of wine to have with dinner?
  • Fenris: I agree. It is the only decision worth making
  • Marian: When you're not throwing it at the walls, I assume?
  • Fenris: That was six years ago
  • Marian: And you never offered me a glass
  • Fenris: You are recycling jokes now? Has the great Marian Hawke's wit finally lost it's edge?
  • Marian: Ooh, you are just asking for it now
  • ---
  • Varric: You okay Garrett? You've been a bit quiet since-
  • Garrett: I'm fine Varric. There's more important things to be worried about right now
  • Varric: It's not easy to realise that someone you looked up to wasn't quite what you imagined. You ever need to talk, you know where my suite is
  • ---
  • Isabela: So... is no one going to bring up the fact that Varric called Garrett by his name earlier?
  • Varric: What are you talking about Rivaini? Waffles and I were just having a friendly chat
  • Isabela: Don't bullshit me. You called him Garrett. I heard you
  • Varric: That doesn't sound like me, Rivaini
  • Marian: He called you by your name when Velasco carted you off to Castillon
  • Isabela: What?! No fair, I didn't get to hear!
  • ---
  • Bethany: Are you sure about this, brother?
  • Garrett: It has to be done
  • Bethany: I could do it. I am a Hawke after all, and a mage. You don't need to-
  • Garrett: No, Bethany
  • Bethany: But-!
  • Garrett: Bethy, if I let you use blood magic, I'd never be able to live with myself
  • Bethany: And if you do it, will you be able to live with it?
  • Garrett: I'd rather it be me than you
  • ---
  • Varric: If he pulls a dragon out of his ass, I'm leaving!
  • Marian: Oh great, and now he's almost certain to pull a dragon out of his arse! Way to go Varric
  • ---
  • Bethany: Here, you didn't get a chance to close that wound earlier
  • Garrett: Thank you
  • Fenris: I just hope it was worth it
  • Marian: Well we /did/ just kill a darkspawn magister. I can't wait to hear how Varric tells this one
  • Varric: Well I doubt I'll have to exaggerate a damn thing, considering how weird this shit is
  • Fenris: That isn't what I meant...
  • Garrett: I'd have avoided it if I could, but someone had to. And if it meant sparing my little sister from that...
  • Fenris: I understand. But... Please, just be more careful from now on
  • Garrett: I will, I promise
  • Isabela: You two are so sappy... It's actually rather cute
Guardians of the Galaxy Sentence Starters
  • "I have no words for an honorless thief."
  • "What's with giving tree here?"
  • "That's mine!"
  • "Ain't no one like me 'cept me."
  • "It's cool to have a code name, it's not that weird."
  • "Like I said, she/he's got a rep."
  • "Whatever nightmares the future holds are dreams compared to what's behind me."
  • "You wanna get to him/her, you go through us. Or, more accurately, we go through you."
  • "I'm with them."
  • "Take her down to the showers. It'll be easier to clean up the blood."
  • "Her/His life is not yours to take."
  • "Your words mean nothing to me!"
  • "Why would I put my finger on his throat?"
  • "What I'm saying is, you want to keep her/him alive."
  • "I like your knife, I'm keeping it."
  • "Asleep for the danger. Awake for the money as for frickin' usual."
  • "Your demeanor is that of a pouty child."
  • "This is one fight you won't win."
  • "I've heard these small bodies find you attractive, so maybe you could work out some sort of deal."
  • "You must be joking."
  • "No, I've really heard they find you attractive."
  • "You need my what?"
  • "Spare me your foul gaze, woman!"
  • "Why is this one here?"
  • "Cease your yammering and release us from this irksome confinement."
  • "Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are too fast, I would catch it."
  • "I told you I have a plan."
  • "That was a pretty good plan."
  • "They crumpled my pants up into a ball, that's rude! They folded yours!"
  • "Screw this then, I'm not waiting around for someone with a death wish."
  • "This one shows spirit, he/she shall make a keen ally in the battle."
  • "You're an imbecile."
  • "What is that?"
  • "That's
  • "No one's blowing up moons."
  • "You just wanna suck the fun out of everything."
  • "If we're gonna work together, you might wanna try trusting me a little bit."
  • "I am not a princess!"
  • "Your ship is filthy."
  • "You got issues."
  • "I can't tell if you're joking or not."
  • "There are no regulations whatsoever here."
  • "It's dangerous and illegal work. Suitable only for outlaws."
  • "This is not respectable establishment."
  • "That's the first thing you've said that wasn't batshit crazy!"
  • "It's just a negotiation tactic."
  • "He is not my father."
  • "Why would you risk your life for this?"
  • "I am a warrior, and an assassin. I do not dance."
  • "Who put the sticks up their butts?"
  • "The melody is pleasant."
  • "I am not some starry eyed waif here to succumb to your pelvic sorcery!"
  • "He/She has no respect!"
  • "You just wanna laugh at me!"
  • "No one's laughin' at you."
  • "He thinks I'm some stupid thing, he does!"
  • "I didn't ask to get made!"
  • "Suck it up for one more lousy night and you're rich."
  • "Fine, but after all this I can't promise I won't kill every last one of you."
  • "See that's exactly why none of you have any friends!"
  • "You shall send a message for me."
  • "We're all very fascinated, but we'd like to get paid."
  • "I will no longer be your slave!"
  • "What the f-?"
  • "What do you still have it for?!"
  • "I can't believe you had that in your purse!"
  • "It's not a purse, it's a knapsack!"
  • "Or we could give it to someone really nice who's not going to arrest us and will give us a ton of money."
  • "I think it's a good balance between both worlds."
  • "Wait here, I'll be back."
  • "I hated you least."
  • "You'll die in seconds!"
  • "I saw you out there. Something came over me, and I couldn't let you die."
  • "Something incredibly heroic."
  • "They're all idiots!"
  • "None of this would have happened if you didn't try to singlehandedly take on a frickin' army!"
  • "All this rage... Is just to cover my loss."
  • "Everybody's got dead people. It's no excuse to get everybody else dead along the way."
  • "There's only two of us!"
  • "You're. Makin'. Me. Beat. Up. Grass!"
  • "I'm coming for you."
  • "You dare to oppose me?"
  • "Normal people don't even think about eatin' other people!"
  • "Is that what she's been filling your head with? Sentiments?"
  • "You kill me now, you are saying goodbye to the biggest deal you have ever seen."
  • "How about trying to
  • "This is what we get for trying to act altruistically."
  • "I have a plan."
  • "You're copying me from when I said I have a plan."
  • "I have part of a plan."
  • "That's a fake laugh."
  • "Life's giving us a chance to give a shit."
  • "I have lived most my life surrounded by my enemies. I will be grateful to die among my friends."
  • "I will fight beside you."
  • "Now I'm standing. You happy? We're all standing. Bunch of jackasses standing in a circle."
  • "This is a terrible plan."
  • "He says that he's an a-hole, but he's not 100% a dick."
  • "I don't believe anyone is 100% a dick."
  • "For the record, I advised against trusting you."
  • "They got my dick message!"
  • "No one talks to my friends like that."
  • "Finger to the throat means death."
  • "You can't. You'll die. Why are you doing this?! Why?!"
  • "Dance off bro, me and you!"
  • "I'm distracting you, you big turd-blossom!"
  • "I might be as pretty as an angel, but I sure as hell ain't one."
  • "I have to warn you against breaking any laws in the future."
  • "What should we do next? Something good, something bad, bit of both?"
'Frozen' Starter Sentences
  • "Beware the frozen heart."
  • "The skies awake, so I'm awake!"
  • "Do you wanna build a snowman?"
  • "The heart is not so easily changed."
  • "There is beauty in it....but also great danger."
  • "Fear will be your enemy."
  • "Come on let's go and play."
  • "I never see you anymore."
  • "We used to be best buddies."
  • "I wish you would tell me why!"
  • "It doesn't have to be a snowman."
  • "Conceal it, don't feel it. Don't let it show."
  • "I think some company is overdue, I've started talking to the pictures on the walls."
  • "I don't want to hurt you!"
  • "______ please, I know you're in there."
  • "People have been asking where you're been."
  • "They say have courage and I'm trying to."
  • "I'm right out here for you, just let me in."
  • "We only have each other."
  • "What are we gonna do?"
  • "Why have a ballroom with no balls?"
  • "There'll be actual real live people, it'll be totally strange."
  • "Wow am I so ready for this change."
  • "For the first time in forever, there'll be music, there'll be light."
  • "Don't know if I'm elated or gassy, but I'm somewhere in that zone."
  • "For the first time in forever, I won't be alone."
  • "I can't wait to meet everyone!"
  • "What if I meet the one?"
  • "I suddenly see him standing there, a beautiful stranger, tall and fair."
  • "I wanna stuff some chocolate in my face."
  • "Which is totally bizarre."
  • "Nothing like the life I've led so far."
  • "For the first time in forever, I could be noticed by someone."
  • "And I know it's totally crazy."
  • "At least I've got a chance."
  • "Don't let them in, don't let them see."
  • "Be the good girl you always have to be."
  • "Make one wrong move and everyone will know."
  • "But it's only for today."
  • "It's agony to wait."
  • "A chance to change my lonely world."
  • "A chance to find true love."
  • "Nothing's in my way."
  • "I'm awkward, you're gorgeous."
  • "Wait, what?"
  • "Like the chicken with the face of a monkey!"
  • "Your physique helps, I'm sure."
  • "Can I just say something crazy?"
  • "I love crazy!"
  • "I've been searching my whole life to find my own place."
  • "It's nothing like I've ever known before."
  • "Love is an open door."
  • "I mean it's crazy, we finish each others-"
  • "Sandwiches!"
  • "That's what I was gonna say!"
  • "I've never met someone who thinks so much like me."
  • "Jinx! Jinx again!"
  • "You and I were just meant to be."
  • "Say goodbye to the pain of the past."
  • "Can I say something crazy? Will you marry me?"
  • "Can I say something even crazier? Yes!"
  • "I'm sorry, I'm confused."
  • "May I talk to you please? Alone?"
  • "You can't marr someone you just met!"
  • You can if it's true love!"
  • "Oh, _____, what do you know about true love?"
  • "All you know is how to shut people out."
  • "I can't live like this anymore!"
  • "Why do you shut me out? Why do you shut the world out?"
  • "What are you so afraid of?!"
  • "I'm completely ordinary!"
  • "She/he would never hurt me."
  • "A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I'm the queen."
  • "Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried."
  • "Don't let them know? Well know they know!"
  • "Let it go."
  • "Can't hold it back anymore."
  • "I don't care what they're going to say."
  • The cold never bothered me anyway."
  • "You'll never see me cry."
  • "Here I stand, and here I'll stay."
  • "I'm never going back."
  • "The past is in the past."
  • "That perfect girl/guy is gone."
  • "She/he's a stinker."
  • "Snow. It had to be snow."
  • "Ooh, and sauna!"
  • "Hoo-hoo!"
  • "Big summer blowout!"
  • "Now back up, while I deal with this crook here."
  • "Reindeers are better than people."
  • "Yeah, people will beat you and curse you and cheat you."
  • "Everyone of them's bad, except you."
  • "But people smell better than reindeers."
  • "That's once again true, for all except you."
  • "We leave now, right now."
  • "Hold on, we like to go fast!"
  • "Wait, you got engaged to someone you just met that?!"
  • Didn't your parents ever warn you about strangers?"
  • "Foot size doesn't matter."
  • "What if you hate the way he picks his nose? And eats it."
  • "All men do it."
  • "Are you some sort of love expert?"
  • "Because I don't trust your judgement."
  • "Who marries a man she just met?!"
  • "It's true love!"
  • "You almost set me on fire!"
  • "But I just paid it off."
  • "I understand if you don't want to help me anymore."
  • "This whole thing has ruined me for helping anyone else."
  • "Sometimes I really don't like you."
  • "No, not yellow. Yellow and snow? No go."
  • "You're creepy."
  • "It's just a head!"
  • "Why are you hanging off the earth like a bat?"
  • "Hi, I'm ____ and I like warm hugs."
  • "Who's the funky looking reindeer over there?"
  • "I don't know why, but I've always loved the idea of summer."
  • "I'm guessing you don't have much experience with heat."
  • "Sometimes I like to imagine what it will be like when summer does come."
  • "The hot and the cold are both so intense, put them together it just makes sense."
  • "Winter's a good time to stay in and cuddle."
  • "I'm gonna tell him."
  • "Don't you dare!"
  • "Somebody's gotta tell him."
  • "Oh look at that, I've been impaled."
  • "I wouldn't put your foot there. Or there."
  • "Nobody wants to be alone. Except maybe you."
  • "That was like a crazy trust exercise."
  • "I'm gonna cry."
  • "Go ahead, I won't judge."
  • "Do you think she knows how to knock?"
  • "It opened! That's a first."
  • "It's a palace made of ice! Ice is my life!"
  • "Please don't shut me out again."
  • "Please don't slam the door."
  • "You don't have to keep your distance anymore."
  • "I will be right here."
  • "You mean well, but leave me be."
  • "Just stay away, and you'll be safe from me."
  • "I'm such a fool, I can't be free."
  • "We can face this thing together."
  • "What power do you have to stop me?"
  • 'It is not nice to throw people!"
  • "Don't talk to him like that."
  • "My hair? Look at your hair!"
  • "You hesitated."
  • "I like to consider myself a love expert."
  • "Take off your clothes!"
  • "Why are you holding back from such a man/woman?"
  • "So he's got a few flaws."
  • "You can fix this fixer upper with a little bit of love."
  • "He only likes to tinkle in the woods."
  • "She/he's engaged to someone else, okay?"
  • "Only an act of true love can thaw a frozen heart."
  • "Don't be the monster they fear you are."
  • "Oh, ______ if only there was someone out there who loved you."
  • "Love is putting someone elses needs before yours."
  • "Some people are worth melting for."
  • "The only frozen heart around here is yours."
  • "I could kiss you! Well, I'd like to. May we? May I? Wait, what?"
"Little Shop of Horrors" sentence starters
  • "Feed me."
  • "What a creepy thing to be happening."
  • "Why this whole thing strikes me as funny, I don't know..."
  • "There must be someone you can 86, real quiet-like."
  • "Here I come for you!"
  • "Don't tell me - you got a little tied up."
  • "I need blood, and s/he's got more than enough."
  • "[Name] is not a healthy girl/boy."
  • "If I can move and talk, who's to say I can't do anything I want?"
  • "I am flyin' now!"
  • "I think I need a root canal."
  • "Bear in mind, I'm not immortal!"
  • "It really is a rotten way to go!"
  • "What we have here is an ethical dilemma..."
  • "No thief would look in there, right?"
  • "The mask - it's stuck. I can't get it off!"
  • "It wouldn't be terrible at all. It would be a miracle."
  • "[Name], I don't think you understand..."
  • "I'll make it worth your while."
  • "If we fight it, we've still got a chance."
  • "Jesus Christ, I could asphyxiate in here."
  • "The guy sure looks like plant food to me."
  • "All I ever wanted was you and a sweet little house."
  • "Am I dreaming this?"
  • "[Name], that's thousands of dollars! Where is it?"
  • "It's the one gift I can give you."
  • "In a way, we'll always be together."
  • "Something is very wrong here."
  • "Can you hold, please?"
  • "Christ, what a frickin' scatterbrain!"
  • "Depression's just status quo."
  • "Relax. It'll be easier that way."
  • "I keep asking God what I'm for, and he tells me, 'Gee, I'm not sure.'"
  • "Just go with it, doll!"
  • "Well, get your ass in here!"
  • "I chopped him up, but I didn't kill him!"
  • "It's your professionalism I respect."
  • "Oh, [name], you're the most wonderful person that ever lived."
  • "No shit, Sherlock!"
  • "I couldn't sleep."
  • "I liked you from the day I came to work here."
  • "All my life I've always been poor."
  • "[Name], sweetheart, what's been going on?"
  • "You're a monster - and so am I!"
  • "You mean you'd still like me, even if I wasn't famous?"
  • "What'd I ever do to you?"
  • "I need some water in the worst way."
  • "It's an antique. They don't make 'em like this anymore."
  • "You kids should be in school!"
  • "How do you intend to better yourself?"
  • "She deserves a prince, not a sadistic creep like him!"
  • "Daddy left early. Mama was poor."
  • "I'm feeling strangely happy now..."
  • "I tried to be on time, but..."
  • "[Name]'s first radio broadcast!"
  • "Are you dumb? Or hard of hearing?"
  • "It's what you did to her."
  • "I've done terrible things, [name], but not to you. Never to you."
  • "Come with me to the police and tell them that."
  • "You remember that total eclipse of the sun a week ago?"
  • "Get a move on, you little slut!"
  • "I don't like that guy, [name]."
  • "With the right advertising, this thing could be bigger than hula-hoops."
  • "It talks."
  • "Believe it, baby!"
  • "I'd meet a man and follow him blindly."
  • "You should hear the way he talks to [name]!"
  • "Don't die, [name]. I need you. Please, please, don't die..."
  • "I don't know. I have so many strong reservations me..."
  • "You love her madly, don't you, schmuck?"
  • "You watch your language!"
  • "What the hell's that? A gun?"
  • "Look out!"
  • "It's true. I did it."
  • "Lots of folks deserve to die!"
  • "That's disgusting."
  • "What am I supposed to do? Kill people?"
  • "I'll take it straight."
  • "Do we have a deal?"
  • "That's not a very nice thing to say!"
  • "Don't feed the plants."
  • when the MC first met Hunt: nice to meet you where you been
  • whenever the MC has the option to flirt with Hunt: I could show you incredible things
  • pretty much what people's reactions would be like if the MC dated Hunt: magic, madness, heaven, sin
  • when the MC first met Hunt again: saw you there and I thought
  • fangirls: oh my god
  • jawline: look at that face
  • probably Hunt's reaction to all this: you look like my next mistake
  • sort of the attitude the MC has on the date: love's a game, wanna plaaaay
  • benefactor maybe: new money, suit and tie
  • "deep down you hoped it was me!" : I can read you like a magazine
  • that idea someone posted about the MC being blackmailed with info about her relationship with Hunt: ain't it funny, rumors lie
  • Hunt's attitude basically: and I know you heard about me
  • we should hang out some time tommy boy: so hey, let's be friends
  • fucking ending to the hunt date: I'm dying to see how this one ends
  • hunt wears prada: grab your passport and my hand
  • hunt wears prada pt 2: I can make the bad guys good for a weekend
  • --chorus--
  • when the mask is still on: SO IT'S GONNA BE FOREVER
  • once the mask is off: OR IT'S GONNA GO DOWN IN FLAMES
  • kind of what the MC is conveying once Hunt gets mad about the seduction: you can tell me when it's over
  • "this whole night was a mistake?" "I didn't say that" : if the high was worth the pain
  • addison, ethan, chris, victoria: got a long list of ex-lovers
  • probably why they keep on going all over-the-top with the dates (because maybe we're high maintenance): they'll tell you I'm insane
  • the MC is technically dating as many people as she wants: 'cause you know I love the players
  • lol hunt doesn't love the game: and you love the game
  • whenever MC has 'yolo' attitude: 'cause we're young and we're reckless
  • was kissing hunt too far: we'll take this way too far
  • hunt's attitude during the date: it'll leave you breathless
  • hunt's attitude afterwards: or with a nasty scar
  • addison, ethan, chris, victoria: got a long list of ex-lovers
  • probably why they keep on going all over-the-top with the dates (because maybe we're high maintenance): they'll tell you I'm insane
  • "insanely hot professor" : but I got a blank space baby and I'll write your name
  • --chorus ends--
  • what do I put for this one: cherry lips, crystal skies
  • whenever the MC has the option to flirt with Hunt: I could show you incredible things
  • if Hunt kisses the MC during the date: stolen kisses, pretty lies
  • they're both celebrities: you're the king baby I'm your queen
  • whenever the MC tries getting close to hunt: find out what you want
  • this only works if the MC is a girl: be that girl for a month
  • once hunt takes off the MC's mask: wait the worst is yet to cooooome, oh no
  • fangirls' reactions to the date's ending: screaming, crying, perfect storms
  • if your MC is one of the rude ones: I can make all the tables turn
  • implied to be Hunt's impression of the MC: rose gardens filled with thorns
  • what HUNT does to US: keep you second guessing like
  • apparently priya singh: oh my god, who is she
  • "what we could have been, thomas": I get drunk on jealousy
  • whenever hunt lets his softer side show: but you'll come back each time you leave
  • also Hunt's impression: 'cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream
  • --skipping the chorus you already know--
  • dat angst with hunt's date tho: boys only want love if it's torture
  • well the MC DID drop hints: don't say I didn't, say I didn't warn ya
  • hunt's date struck a chord with me and I'm not even part of the hunt crush: boys only want love if it's torture
  • seriously MC dropped hints: don't say I didn't, say I didn't warn yaaAAA
  • (I was only going to do the first verse but I got carried away goddammit)
Heavenly Commentary: Order of the Phoenix
  • James: The fact that they don’t think Harry is normal gives me strength.
  • ***
  • Lily: He’s not well.
  • James: He’s traumatised. After what happened in the graveyard; he’s still coming to terms.
  • Cedric: You and me both Harry.
  • ***
  • James: Stay calm Harry.
  • Lily: Let it go.
  • ***
  • James: What is...? Dementors!? Really?
  • Lily: Eurgh! It was to be expected.
  • Cedric: You guys don’t seem very worried.
  • James: After everything Harry’s been through, a couple Dementors won’t be a problem. Plus he has his wand with him.
  • Lily: The real problem is, that these Dementors wouldn’t be here unless ordered. So who gave the order?
  • Cedric: Obviously Voldemort.
  • Lily: Maybe.
  • Cedric: I can’t imagine what it’s like. Watching someone you love in such terrible danger. And not being able to do a thing about it.
  • James: Don’t worry. You’ll know soon enough.
  • ***
  • Lily: That was pretty close though.
  • James: Yeah but he’s good. A nice fight does wonders. Plus Figg is here now.
  • ***
  • Cedric: Why doesn’t Dumbledore want Harry doing magic?
  • Lily: I’m not sure. James, go find out.
  • Cedric: Actually I’ll go. See my parents as well.
  • ***
  • James: Expelled?! For defending himself?
  • Lily: No. Dumbledore will- yup there he is.
  • ***
  • Lily: She must have heard Sev telling me.
  • James: Why did Harry think we’d talk about Dementors? I have better charm than that.
  • Lily: Barely.
  • ***
  • James: WHAT?!? He’s kicking Harry out?!
  • Lily: Petunia if you let this happen, I swear I will never forgive you.
  • James: That’s Dumbledores voice.
  • ***
  • Lily: The gangs all here.
  • James: Just after the nick of time.
  • ***
  • James: I wonder who the secret keeper of this place is?
  • Lily: After what happened to us, do you think he’d choose anyone but himself?
  • ***
  • Lily: He’s so angry.
  • James: He has the right to be.
  • ***
  • James: Dumbledore is keeping Harry in the dark.
  • Lily: Because he’s now public enemy number one. I wonder what Cedric will learn.
  • James: That losing a child, destroys a parent.
  • ***
  • Lily: THAT’S his mother?!
  • James: That’s the reason he left home.
  • ***
  • James: That was...
  • Lily: Intense. Molly can be cruel. Bringing up Azkaban like that?
  • ***
  • James: Fucking Cornelius Fudge.
  • ***
  • Cedric: The Ministry is trying to convince everyone that Voldemort isn’t back, that Harry's a liar and Dumbledore is crazy.
  • Lily: Yeah that is what we heard. How are your parents?
  • Cedric: As you'd expect. How is everyone?
  • James: They’re getting by. Welcome to the Order.
  • ***
  • Lily: He’s shaking.
  • James: I’M shaking.
  • ***
  • Cedric: Why would they change the time?
  • Lily: To force him to be late. Bastards!
  • ***
  • James: He didn’t want Dumbledore here.
  • Lily: Of course not. Fudge knows he can’t win against him.
  • ***
  • Lily: If I could I’d punch that bastard.
  • James: I know you would but he's in the clear now.
  • Lily: It’s not over. It's only getting started.
  • Cedric: What do you mean?
  • ***
  • James: I forgot about that picture. Great timing Mad-Eye.
  • Lily: Me too. Is that Molly crying?
  • Cedric: She’s seeing them all dead.
  • James: And Harry thinks he's next
  • ***
  • James: Of course she walks in when he's covered in Stinksap.
  • Lily: He's been covered in worse. He’ll be fine.
  • ***
  • Cedric: What is Harry seeing?
  • Lily: Thestrals. They pull the carriages.
  • James: But you can only see them if you've seen death.
  • Cedric: ...Oh
  • ***
  • James: When a hat is telling you something is wrong then you really should listen.
  • ***
  • Lily: Hermione is right. Looks like the fight has come to Hogwarts.
  • Cedric: Because none of us were expecting that, were we?
  • ***
  • Cedric: Let's see how many friends he really has.
  • ***
  • James: Don't you dare talk about Moony you fucking cow!
  • Lily: Calm down. Breathe.
  • James: I'm dead. I don't breathe.
  • ***
  • Cedric: Have a what?!?
  • ***
  • Lily: She’s torturing my boy. SHE’S TORTURING MY SON!! WHY ARE YOU SMIRKING?!?
  • James: Because. That bitch is trying to break him. And she has no idea who she is fucking with. But she will.
  • ***
  • Cedric: Umbridge and Voldemort? Is that possible?
  • Lily: No. She's a different type of evil.
  • ***
  • James: She lied to Filch for him. I approve of Cho.
  • Lily: Naturally.
  • ***
  • Lily: Poor Ron.
  • James: Family turning against family. Just like last time.
  • Cedric: Was it that bad?
  • James: It was hell.
  • ***
  • Cedric: She made it illegal for Professor Lupin to get another job?
  • Lily: Do me a favour Harry, destroy her.
  • ***
  • Lily: Harry got the D.
  • James: Severus GAVE Harry the D. Why are you laughing?
  • Cedric: Because Snape gave Harry the D. Do you think Harry wanted the D?
  • James: ...
  • Lily: I don't get it.
  • ***
  • Lily: His hand. It'll never heal.
  • James: He will not let this hag beat him.
  • Lily: She's torturing him James!
  • James: And my son won't break.
  • ***
  • Cedric: Do you think he'll do it? Teach them?
  • Lily: He will. As much as he’ll protest, he won't be able to stomach the idea of doing nothing.
  • ***
  • Lily: I don't know how I feel about Harry being better than a final year Durmstrang.
  • James: The word you're looking for is “proud”.
  • ***
  • James: The Hogs Head! I've missed this place.
  • Cedric: You used to come here?
  • Lily: Him and Sirius lived here.
  • James: Not true. We rarely used Aberforth. Firewhiskey was for special occasions.
  • Lily: Like Friday nights.
  • James: Saturday nights too. We were not picky.
  • ***
  • James: That went well.
  • Cedric: Yeah. I'd sign up.
  • ***
  • Cedric: No Quidditch...
  • James: No team...
  • Lily: Oh God. Now there's two of them.
  • ***
  • James: Now that Padfoot approves she is getting nervous?
  • Lily: She really is the smartest of them all.
  • ***
  • Cedric: He's connected to Voldemorts mind. That is not a good thing.
  • Lily: No. It really isn't.
  • ***
  • James: Our boy's a teacher.
  • Lily: A good one too.
  • ***
  • Lily: Don't react Harry. Don't react.
  • James: Ah shit.
  • ***
  • Cedric: Banned...
  • James: For life...
  • Lily: Calm down you two. She'll be gone by years end.
  • James: That doesn't help us now Evans!
  • Lily: Idiots.
  • ***
  • Cedric: What the hell Hagrid?
  • James: He's been pulverised.
  • ***
  • Lily: Voldemort has been trying to kill our son for 14 years. And I think I might hate Umbridge more...
  • ***
  • Lily: His first kiss. So sweet
  • James: He’s not doing too badly.
  • Lily: She seems into him.
  • James: Of course she is. He looks like me.
  • Lily: Arse. Cedric don’t they look cute together?
  • Cedric: I didn't say anything before but you realise that’s my ex right?
  • ***
  • Lily: Harry was the snake?
  • James: Dumbledore knows something.
  • Lily: Of course he does. But he's not going to tell.
  • ***
  • Lily: I love Padfoot but he's not the best at dealing with emotional stuff. Harry thinks he's going insane and Sirius tells him to sleep it off.
  • ***
  • Lily: Well well well. Ginny Weasley. Lioness.
  • James: What's that look on your face?
  • Lily: I have no idea what you're talking about.
  • ***
  • James: Frank...Alice...
  • Cedric: Poor Neville.
  • ***
  • James: Come on Padfoot do it. Just one curse.
  • Lily: Sirius don't be an idiot.
  • James: Be an idiot!
  • Lily: Occlumency though. So Voldemort IS in Harrys mind.
  • ***
  • Cedric: I can't believe this is how Snape treats Harry.
  • Lily: He's a complicated man with a skewed moral compass.
  • Cedric: If you say so...what the hell is in the Department of Mysteries?
  • James: A prophecy.
  • ***
  • Lily: Oh please God no...
  • Cedric: He broke them out. Voldemort broke them out.
  • James: And he just got ten of his most loyal and dangerous followers back.
  • ***
  • Cedric: I don't feel good for being the reason Cho just left but...I don't exactly feel bad either.
  • Lily: She misses you. I imagine she'll miss you for the rest of your life.
  • Cedric: Now I feel bad.
  • James: Don't son. It's not your fault. None of this is.
  • ***
  • Lily: This story will burn through England. The truth will finally be heard.
  • ***
  • James: Every time something good happens, something bad happens straight away.
  • ***
  • Cedric: I will never forget her face at this moment, for as long as I...well am.
  • Lily: Can we all appreciate what just happened? Dumbledore kept the old teacher, appointed the new and got another “dangerous half-breed” into the castle.
  • James: It’s a giant middle finger to Umbridge.
  • ***
  • James: SCATTER!
  • ***
  • Cedric: I can't believe Marietta would do this. She was always so nice.
  • James: I told you. Friend against friend. It's what he does.
  • Lily: Dumbledore is doing something crazy...
  • James: Holy crap!
  • ***
  • James: Fred and George. Making the Marauders proud.
  • ***
  • Lily: No Harry don't...and we're in the Pensieve.
  • Cedric: Why would he-
  • James: Oh shit. I know where we are.
  • Lily: Oh God. This is not the moment you want Harry to see.
  • Cedric: Why? What do you...ah...
  • James: You don't see it here, but Snape gave as good as he got. However I'm not exactly proud of how I acted.
  • Lily: Not ashamed either to be fair.
  • Cedric: You seem to really hate him Mrs Potter. How did you end up together?
  • Lily: It’s Lily and he changed from an arrogant arsehole to a semi-decent person.
  • James: She said that during our marriage vows. Really moving ceremony.
  • ***
  • Lily: I’ve never seen Snape this angry before.
  • James: He can't stop teaching him! He needs the lessons!
  • ***
  • Lily: Your son is ashamed of you. For the way you treated Snape. Let that sink in.
  • ***
  • Cedric: Hagrid has...a brother.
  • Lily: Half brother.
  • Cedric: Right...my mistake.
  • ***
  • James: OWLS. Let's go.
  • ***
  • Lily: They're going after Hagrid. That bitch is trying to take him out too.
  • James: Well they can tr- SHIT!
  • Cedric: Professor Mcgonagall!
  • ***
  • Lily: He looks exhausted.
  • James: Well he has fallen asleep.
  • Lily: During your last OWL? Really Harry?
  • ***
  • James: I'll be back!
  • Cedric: Where is he going?
  • Lily: He's going to see where Sirius is.
  • ***
  • James: He’s at Grimmauld Place.
  • Lily: Which means Voldemort is baiting Harry into a trap.
  • ***
  • Cedric: What is she do- no...-wait SHE sent the Dementors?
  • James: Even I didn't see that coming.
  • ***
  • Lily: What are you up to Hermione?
  • James: That arrow in the tree answer your questions?
  • ***
  • Lily: Goodbye you evil, twisted bitch.
  • James: And hello Grawp.
  • ***
  • Lily: They got free?
  • Cedric: Yeah it was pretty cool. Ginny is powerful.
  • ***
  • James: Here we go.
  • ***
  • Cedric: Where is everyone? It's completely empty.
  • ***
  • Lily: That archway...I think we're on the other side of it.
  • ***
  • James: Harry don't touch it. Please listen to your friends. Don't pick up that prophecy.
  • Lily: No...
  • ***
  • Cedric: That's Mr Malfoy!
  • James: And the rest of his Death Eater friends.
  • Cedric: Harry, run.
  • Lily: They can't run. They have to fight.
  • ***
  • James: Focus Harry! Don't listen to Malfoy.
  • ***
  • Lily: Keep moving! Don't stop!
  • ***
  • James: Leave the man baby! Find the others!
  • Cedric: Duck!
  • Lily: HERMIONE!
  • ***
  • Cedric: She's alive. Oh she's alive.
  • James: She won't be for long. Our kids aren't doing permanent damage and the Death Eaters are playing to win. They need to get out.
  • ***
  • Lily: He's leading them away...
  • James: Good man Harry.
  • Lily: Oh no...Neville.
  • ***
  • James: ABOUT FUCKING TIME!
  • Lily: Now it's a fight you son's of bitches!
  • ***
  • Cedric: Dumbledore! He's here! It's over!
  • Lily: Calm down. It's not over till its...
  • James: ...
  • Sirius: ...
  • Sirius: Oh that bitch!
  • James: Fourteen years. You don’t call. You don’t write. And you pick NOW to visit?
  • ***
  • Sirius: I probably shouldn't have taunted her.
  • James: Shut up Padfoot, they're still fighting!
  • ***
  • James: Harry NO! Stay away from Bellatrix!
  • Sirius: Where are we?
  • Cedric: Life after death. Seriously though shh.
  • ***
  • Lily: He.. he tried using Cruciatus.
  • James: It’s war and he just lost someone.
  • ***
  • James: He's here...
  • Lily: So is Albus.
  • ***
  • Lily: No no no no please God no
  • Cedric: What is it?! What's happening?
  • James: Voldemort is possessing my boy.
  • ***
  • Cedric: It’s over. He's gone.
  • James: No son. It’s not over. It's now open warfare.
  • ***
  • Sirius: He's in such pain. Harry I'm so sorry.
  • Lily: I can't watch this. I can't...
  • ***
  • James: Now you know. Now you know why he's after you.
  • ***
  • Sirius: In battle. Isn't that what we always said Prongs?
  • James: Wand in hand.
  • Lily: Well you failed at that James.
  • James: You didn't exactly live a long and happy life yourself.
  • Sirius: God I’ve missed you two.
  • ***
  • Sirius: The mirror. I thought he...he never opened it.
  • ***
  • James: And just like that he's going back. Broken and beat up and torn apart inside.
  • Lily: He’ll be fine. He has to be.
  • Sirius: He's not alone. He's got friends and family. It just wasn’t us.
Happy Father's Day

Originally written last week for the ever-lovely jj91s as a short thank you fic. With her permission, published here.

Just a tiny little domestic fluff ficlet. Set roughly in the same verse as this drabble and Bedtime Story, but neither need to be read to know what’s going on here. 

Enjolras hummed off-key as he shifted his weight from one foot to another, adjusting Max’s position in his arms to ensure that the milk wasn’t coming too quickly out of the bottle.

It was only their third week after having taken Max home from the hospital, and in truth, Enjolras was more exhausted than he had even known it was possible to be, and since Enjolras had once spent so many hours working on the text of legislation regarding nonbinary individuals’ rights back in his university days that he had almost wound up in the hospital from exhaustion, that was saying something.

But it was a different kind of exhaustion.

Back then, it had been exhaustion coupled with stress coupled with, though he would never admit it to Grantaire, the feeling of utter futility at the entire damn process.

This, right now, with Max blinking unfocusedly up at him, sucking rhythmically on the bottle, this was the same kind of exhaustion that Enjolras felt at the end of a successful protest. This was the kind of exhaustion that told him that he was doing something right.

And that was a pretty amazing feeling.

Keep reading

"american beauty" sentence starters
  • "I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world."
  • "Well, you have absolutely no interest in saving yourself."
  • "Lose my job? I didn't lose it. It's not like, 'Whoops! Where'd my job go?' I QUIT."
  • "I figured you guys might be able to give me some pointers. I need to shape up. Fast."
  • "You're right. I suck dick for money."
  • "Well, what do you say I throw in a little sexual harassment charge, to boot?"
  • "Management wants you gone by the end of the day."
  • "Your father seems to think this kind of behavior is something to be proud of."
  • "It's like God's looking right at you, just for a second, and if you're careful... you can look right back."
  • "When I was your age, I flipped burgers all summer just to be able to buy an eight-track."
  • "All I did was party and get laid. I had my whole life ahead of me."
  • "I rule!"
  • "She's not your friend. She's just someone you use to feel better about yourself."
  • "It's never too late to get it back."
  • "I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn't always feel this... sedated."
  • "You think you're the only one who's sexually frustrated here?"
  • "Both my wife/husband and daughter/son think I'm this gigantic loser and they're right."
  • "I'm looking for the least possible amount of responsibility."
  • "You should see me fuck. I'm the best piece of ass in three States."
  • "Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job if I let you blow me?"
  • "Are you just looking to lose weight, or do you want increased strength and flexibility as well?"
  • "I don't think we can be friends anymore."
  • "Just don't fuck my dad, all right? Please?"
  • "You're way too uptight about sex."
  • "I want to look good naked!"
  • "Someone really should just put him out of his misery."
  • "I'm not paying you to do... whatever it is you're doing out here."
  • "You don't really think [name] and I were..."
  • "Want me to kill him for you?"
  • "I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school."
  • "I quit. So you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone."
  • "Remember those posters that said, 'Today is the first day of the rest of your life'? Well, that's true of every day but one - the day you die."
  • "She hates me. She hates you, too."
  • "There's plenty of joy in my life."
  • "Go fuck yourself, psycho!"
  • "My parents are coming tonight. They're trying to, you know, take an active interest in me."
  • "Gross. I hate it when my mom does that."
  • "Fuck me, Your Majesty!"
  • "I was hoping you'd give me a bath. I'm very, very dirty."
  • "You ungrateful little brat! Just look at everything you have."
  • "I'm so sorry for the way things look around here."
  • "I think using psychotropic drugs is a very positive example to set for our daughter."
  • "Who are you looking for?"
  • "This isn't life, it's just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living."
  • "There's nothing worse than being ordinary."
  • "Everything that's meant to happen does."
  • "You're one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak."
  • "Welcome to America's weirdest home videos."
  • "Oh well, all right, let's all sell our souls and work for Satan because it's more convenient that way."
  • "I'm sensing a real distance growing between you and [name]."
  • "My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell."
  • "Don't you mess with me, mister, or I'll divorce you so fast it'll make your head spin!"
  • "Your mom's the one who's embarrassing. What a phony. But, your dad's actually kind of cute."
  • "If he just worked out a little, he'd be hot."
  • "You don't get to tell me what to do ever again."
  • "I'm serious. He just pulled down his pants and yanked it out."
  • "Never underestimate the power of denial."
  • "Are you trying to look unattractive today?"
  • "How dare you speak to me that way in front of her."
  • "Jesus, what is it with you?"
  • "I am sick and tired of being treated like I don't exist."
  • "Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in."
  • "See the way the handle on her pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? That's not an accident."
  • "Don't interrupt me, honey!"
  • "[Name]'s a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her."
  • "I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die."
  • "You better watch yourself, [name], or you're going to turn into a real bitch, just like your mother!"
  • "I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me, on the same day that you lose your job."
  • "You're boring. And you're totally ordinary. And you know it."
  • "You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."
  • "Uh, whose car is that out front?"
  • "Your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a fucking prisoner while she keeps my dick in a mason jar under the sink."
  • "In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times."
  • "She's... she's really happy. She thinks she's in love."
  • "I think you just became my personal hero!"
  • "Man, you are one twisted fuck."
  • "The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing."
  • "You know, this really doesn't concern you."
  • "I mean, how's her life? Is she happy? Is she miserable?"
  • "I'd really like to know, and she'd die before she'd ever tell me about it."
  • "Your wife is with another man and you don't care?"
  • "It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself."
  • "In less than a year, I'll be dead."
  • "[Name], today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus."
  • "I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her."
  • "We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time."
  • "I can't believe you don't know how beautiful you are."
  • "Well, at least I'm not ugly."
  • "This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here."
  • "[Name], are you masturbating?!"
  • "If people I don't even know look at me and want to fuck me, it means I really have a shot at being a model."
  • "In a way, I'm dead already."
  • "You are so busted."
  • "I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up."
  • "Well, congratulations. You've succeeded admirably."
  • "The car I've always wanted and now I have it."
  • "God, it's been a long time since anybody asked me that..."
  • "Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about."
  • "I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose."
  • "Our marriage is just for show. A commercial for how normal we are when we're anything but."
  • "It would be nice if I was anywhere near as important to him as she is."
  • "Gotta spend money to make money."
  • "I refuse to be a victim!"
  • "I was filming this dead bird."
  • "Do you party?"
  • "Oh, what? You're mother of the year? You treat her/him like an employee."
  • "Could he be any more pathetic?"
  • "I think it's sweet."
  • "You need structure... you need discipline."
  • "He's just so confident, it can't be real."
  • "So, you're fucking psycho-boy on a regular basis now? Tell me, has he got a big dick?"
  • "He didn't even look at me once!"
  • "I don't think you'd fit in here."
  • "It seems unfair to presume I won't be able to learn."
  • "Excuse me for speaking so bluntly, sir."
  • "Oh, I'm in trouble."
  • "I didn't mean to scare you. I just think you're interesting."
  • "This country is going straight to hell!"
  • "[Name], when did you become so joyless?"
  • "I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious."
  • "What is this? The fucking Gay Pride parade?"
  • "Sorry about my dad."
  • "To you, he's just another guy who wants to jump your bones."
  • "This is my first time."
America coming to the palace (delected scene never heard of)
  • America: *gets out of the limousine and looks to the palace* WOW THIS PALACE LOOKS HUGE!
  • Maxon: *poletly giving america his hand* Nice to meet you, *love at first sight* where you been?
  • The maids: *to america* We could show you incredible things!!
  • Kriss: *really excited* Magic!
  • Elise: *frowning* Madness!
  • Marlee: *looking at carter* Heaven!
  • Celeste: *sexy smirking towards maxon* Sin!
  • Maxon: *loving eyes to america* Saw you there and i thought...
  • America: *shocked face cause aspen is there* OH MY GOD!
  • Celeste: *whispering to the others and pointing to america* just Look at that face!
  • Maxon: *looking at his dad but thinking of america* You look like my next mistake...
  • King Clarkson: *to the girls* Love's a game!
  • Gravil: *very excited* WANNA PLAY?
  • Aspen: *in becoming guard* new money?!
  • Queen Amberly: *adjusting clarkson's suit* suit and tie!
  • America: *thinking in maxon and whispering* i can read you like a magazine...
  • Gravil: *to the girls* AIN'T IT FUNNY, RUMORS FLY!!!
  • Maxon: *shrugs* And I know you heard about me....
  • America: *noding her head* maybe i should lea-
  • Maxon: *trying to stop her* So hey, let's be friends!
  • America: *whispering* I'm dying to see how this one ends
  • Silvia: *yealling* GRAB YOUR PASSPORTS!
  • Maxon: *smilling* and my hand
  • America: *with sarcasm* I can make the bad guys good for a weekend
  • The selected: SOO IT'S GONNA BE FOREVER
  • America: OOOOOoooOr it's gonna go down in flames....
  • Maxon: *to america* You can tell me when it's over!
  • Celeste: *laughing* If the high was worth the pain!
  • Natalie: *pointing at maxon* Got a long list of ex-lovers...
  • Daphne: *whispering* They'll tell you he's insane!
  • America: *looking at maxon* 'Cause i know you love the players!
  • Everyone: AND WE LOVE THIS GAME!!!
  • America: *shrugs* 'Cause we're young and we're reckless!!
  • Maxon: *shaking his head* We'll take this way too far....
  • Lucy: *looking at aspen* It'll leave you breathless....
  • America: *also looking at aspen* Or with a nasty scar......
  • Elise: *pointing to maxon* Got a long list of ex-lovers?
  • Daphne: *explaining* Yes, They'll tell you he's insane!
  • Maxon: *to america* But I've got a blank space my deeaaar
  • America: *snapes his face* I'M NOT YOUR DEAR!
  • Maxon: And I'll write your name ;D
  • Celeste: *looking at herself in the mirror* mhhh Cherry lips!
  • Maxon: *looking at america's eyes* Crystal skies!
  • The maids: ahhh...We could show you incredible things?
  • Marlee: *thinking in Carter* Stolen kisses...
  • Aspen: *talks throw his theeth* Or Pretty lies!
  • Queen Amberly: *to clarkson* You're the king baby I'm your Queen!
  • Maxon: I'll Find out what you want!
  • America: Be that girl for ....a month?
  • Gravin: WAIT THE WORST IS YET TO COME....
  • Everyone: OH NO!!!!
  • America: *to maxon* SCREAMING!!!!
  • Maxon: *to america* CRYING!!!!!
  • Both Maxon and America at the same time: PERFECT STORM!!!!!
  • America: I CAN MAKE ALL THE FREAKING STRAWBEERRY TARTS TURN!!
  • Adele(amberly sister): It's a Rose gardens filled with thorns!
  • Celest: *colapses in her fucking shoes*
  • Maxon: *runs to help her*
  • Aspen: *also runs to help her*
  • Marlee: Keep you second guessing like:
  • Kriss & Daphne: *looking at celeste* OH MY GOD WHO IS SHE?
  • America: *puting both ands on her waist* I get drunk on jealousy!!!
  • Maxon: *coming back and staying right in front of america* But you'll come back each time you leave!
  • America: *laughs and then gives mortal look* Cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream! *walks to the garden*
  • The selected: UGH..SO IT'S GONNA BE FOREVER????
  • America: *with a match* Or it's gonna go down in flames!
  • Maxon: *startled* AMMMEEEeeRICA???
  • America: *evil smile* You can tell me when it's over!
  • Everyone: *laughing* IF THE HIGH WAS WORTH THE PAIN!
  • Kriss: *arguing with daphne* MAXON CALIX SCHREAVE DOSEN'T HAVE ANY EX-LOVERS!
  • Marlee: *still loking at carter but noding her head anyway* And Maxon isn't insane..*whispers* i think...
  • Celeste: Oh but i love the players! *looks at aspen*
  • Lucy: *while being held by Mary and Anne* HE DOES NOT LOVE THE GAME YOU HO-
  • Back to america: *to maxon* YOU'TE YOUNG AMD IM RECKLESS!
  • Maxon: You're taking this way too far..
  • America: *irritated* This is leaving me breathless...
  • Maxon: I won't let you with a nasty scar!
  • Daphne: *admits* Okay,maxon dosen't have any ex lovers...
  • Elise: AAAAAAnd i guess he's not insane...
  • Maxon: But I've got a blank space m-
  • America: *Ultimate dead look*
  • Maxon: *shrugs* I'l just write you name...
  • Celeste: *to america* Boys only want love if it's torture!
  • The maids: DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YA
  • Everyone: BOOOOOOYSSS ONLY WANT LOVE IF ITS TOTURE
  • Maxon: NOT ME!
  • America: I don't need any of you to warn me ya
  • Everyone: This is not going to last forever...
  • America: And im not burning this down to flames
  • Maxon: I hope this will never be over...
  • Celeste: *confused* I guess the high is worth the pain?!
  • Kriss: *trying to understand* So there is no list of ex lovers?
  • The selected: *sighs* MAXON ISN'T INSANE!
  • America: OMG IM SUCH A PLAYER....
  • Aspen: *to america* Ugh...we are going to end this "game"!
  • Maxon: *holding america hands* we're young and reckless!
  • America: *shrugs* AAAAAaaand we will probably take this way too far...
  • Maxon: *tugging america ear* It'll leave you breathless!
  • America: *tracing a hand in maxon's face* Or with a nasty scar!
  • King Clarkson: *whispering to Queen Amberly* our son does not have ex lovers,right?
  • Queen amberly: *whispering back* and i hope he isn't insane!
  • America: This is too complicated baaaaby
  • Maxon: And This is kind of insane...
  • Everyone:
  • Everyone: *Cricket noises in the background*
  • America: *rubbing her hand over her brow*
  • Maxon: ugh..america...*making air quote marks* "my dear"..what are you doing?
  • America: *shaking her head* i need to forget this crazy shit...
  • Everyone: *waits*
  • America: *rubs harder*
  • Aspen: ... America?
  • America: *lets her hand fall* Yup..this isn't working...I'M OUT *picks up her bags and goes to the limousine* CALL ME WHEN THIS..."THING" IS OVER!
  • Everyone: *looks at her while she lives*
  • Maxon: *takes a deep breath and says* I knew you were trouble when you walked in...
#meninistprobs
  • chad: being a weebrony is the worst man
  • tony: ikr. noone really appreciates meninists or nice guys now... :/
  • chad: yeah like those femenesineist bitches are so crazy man they already have the right to vote so like ??? what else do they want
  • tony: i know man. theyre always opressing us cishet white males. what have we ever done?? we discovered america, we made the world the perfect utopia it is today (-: what have us whitecishetmales ever done wrong???
  • chad: ik man ik it's so fucking unfair I think we should just shoot girls now as well as black ppl
  • chad: like honestly why limit the deaths to black people lets just kill everyone
  • tony: us intelligent nice guy cishet males can survive on our own. who needs thugs and sluts????? not us
  • chad: totally yeah we can totally just have kids from our huge muscles and they'll all be white dudes like us bc we only want respectable people on our utopian planet
  • todd: We came from a female? Ha, a slut has never had me in them. Those girls always try to date me though. Playing games like when they say "hello" and don't want sex? Those sluts all mess with us bros before hoes
  • tony: does anyone know how to get Mountain Dew stains out of my original Hatsune Miku silk body pillow??
  • chad: yeah man just cum on it it'll come right off lemme link u to some hentai
  • tony: I politely asked a girl for nudes?? and she didn't send them to me?? so I told her that she was a slut and she deserved it tbh - I was nice to her. I gave her the right to vote?? and she doesn't send me nudes??
  • todd: Man have you seen the lesbian porn? I love lesbian porn. But I would never be friends with a gay guy. Gotta love that lesbian porn guys.
  • chad: omg gay dudes are so gay it's disgusting get them out of my country
  • chad: and lesbian porn is the best lmao
  • tony: I can't believe that gays have the right to marry?? Like I love lesbian porn, don't even get me started, but them marrying??? disgusting
  • todd: Man let me tell you I just called Nicki a fake skank and this ugly SWJ said that she has a right to dress and act how she wants?? Please, you will not be respected if you act how you wish to. Fucking ugly SWJ and feminazis get out.
  • chad: oh and tony yeah well bitches who don't give u nudes when you ask nicely are total whores man just stab em all
  • tony: This is why we need meninism tbh
  • todd: Don't even get me started on those girls who claim to be lesbians, but won't make out with their friend for me? Like, uh, I'm sorry, you owe me this since I hit on you but you aren't into guys.
  • tony: Like I'm respectful to a girl and I don't stab her, so I kindly ask her for nudes or to make out with her friend?? And she fucking says no? Like without a white cishet male like me, she could probably be dead right now.
  • chad: yeah we are so much more important than girls and so much more entitled and no feminism doesn't exist
  • todd: And like those guys who hit on me?? Like, can't they tell I'm not a fag like them??? I mean I don't swing that way!!!
  • todd: What do you mean that describes what I do to lesbian women
  • tony: We need meninism because when we ask a girl for nudes she says no and we gave her basic human rights, like we deserve nudes.
  • chad: what no way lesbians are different bc they don't exist and they're all doing this for us it's all to entertain us cis straight white males
  • todd: And like, have you seen how women react to me just feeling their boobs? I mean, if you don't want them squeezed, than cover them!
Spiderman 3 (2007 Movie): Sentence Starters
  • "Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice."
  • "It's the choices that make us who we are, and we can always choose to do what's right."
  • "You gonna kill me like you killed my father?"
  • "No. He despised you. You were an embarrassment to him."
  • "You took him from me. He loved me."
  • "I'm done trying to convince you."
  • "You came."
  • "We'll get you through this."
  • "I never should have hurt you... said those things."
  • "You're my friend."
  • "A couple of minutes ago wouldn't have been so bad either."
  • "Oh, my. What happened?"
  • "Looks like just in the nick of time."
  • "I don't think it's for us to say whether a person deserves to live or die."
  • "Before you know it, turn us into something ugly."
  • "Did you ever propose?"
  • "You said a husband's gotta put his wife before himself."
  • "I'm not ready."
  • "I hurt her."
  • "Well, you start by doing the hardest thing: You forgive yourself."
  • "I know what it feels like. It feels good. The power. Everything. But you'll lose yourself. It'll destroy you. Let it go."
  • "I like being bad. It makes me happy."
  • "If you know what I'm talking about!"
  • "Back then, nothing seemed to go right for me."
  • "People really like me."
  • "Stings doesn't it?"
  • "I protected you in high school. Now I'm gonna kick your little ass."
  • "You're trash."
  • "Your picture's a fake."
  • "You want forgiveness? Get religion."
  • "You are such a boy scout."
  • "We're just horsing around."
  • "I'm begging you. If you do this, I will lose everything. There's not a paper in town that will hire me."
  • "Show this to your editor."
  • "I want him dead too."
  • "Look, I want to kill the spider, you wanna kill the spider. Together, he doesn't stand a chance. Interested?"
  • "End of the line."
  • "Your wife told me to tell you to watch the anger."
  • "Time to take your pill."
  • "Hey. I'm the new guy."
  • "Um, yeah, look, just between you and me, guys kind of an amateur."
  • "From now on, I am gonna be taking shots of you for the Bugle."
  • "But you don't have to worry about that, buddy."
  • "You want a staff job, and you want a staff job, anybody care about what I want?"
  • "Shut up. Get out."
  • "Listen to me! I didn't kill your father!"
  • "You knew this was coming!"
  • "He was trying to kill me! He killed himself!"
  • "I didn't want this. But I had no choice."
  • "We always have a choice."
  • "I needed money."
  • "Why don't you just put down the gun and go home?"
  • "I realize now he was just trying to help me."
  • "I did a terrible thing to you."
  • "I spent a lot of nights wishing I could take it back."
  • "I didn't choose to be this."
  • "I'm not asking you to forgive me. I just want you to understand."
  • "How's the pie?"
  • "I'm just here to talk to you, beautiful!"
  • "Just a little something called 'Nice And Easy', what's on you?"
  • "I need a photographer."
  • "A hundred bucks?"
  • "Film's extra."
  • "Shazam!"
  • "That was OUR kiss!"
  • "It's a funny feeling, not knowing who you are."
  • "Never wound what you can't kill."
  • "Its a free country. Not a rent-free country."
  • "You will get your rent when you fix this DAM DOOR!"
  • "We can find a way to settle this."
  • "You're so right. I'm thinking... humiliation. Kind of like how you humiliated me. Do you remember? Do you remember what you did to me? You made me lose my girl. Now I'm gonna make you lose yours."
  • "How's that sound, tiger?"
  • "An orange?"
  • "I'm really sorry for what happened earlier. I shouldn't have yelled about that door. It was nothing to be angry about."
  • "This is none of your business."
  • "Do you want to push me away?"
  • "Push you away? Why would I want to push you away... I love you!"
  • "They're gonna kill us both."
  • "Your shots are so good."
  • "You don't deserve my help."
  • "Do I have any girlfriends?"
  • "This thing got any more?"
  • "She doesn't know what you are."
  • "Tell me you love me?"
  • "I know you're trying to defend your fathers' honor, but there is no question that he died by his own hand."
  • "What does it matter to you, anyway?"
  • "Hate those things!"
  • "Take your hands off me."
  • "I live in the presence of great truth."
  • "I promise I'll make you healthy again. Whatever it takes, I'll get the money."
  • "I'm not a bad person. Just had bad luck."
  • "They're my best friends... I'd give my life for them."
  • "Was I really good? I was so nervous. My knees were shaking."
  • "It's all about diffusion."
  • "The applause wasn't very loud."
  • "You are such a nerd."
  • "Where do these guys COME from?"
  • "You've taken your eye off the ball."
  • "You know, I guess one person really can make a difference."
  • "It has the characteristics of a symbiote, which needs to bond to a host in order to survive. And once it binds... it can be hard to UNbind."
  • "I love romance. I am French."
  • "You fired him."
  • "I could use some help over here!"
  • "I guess you haven't heard. I'm the sheriff around these parts!"
  • "This could be a tragic day for the people of New York."
  • "It's hard to believe what's happening. The brutality of it. I - I don't know how he can take anymore."
  • "Everybody needs help sometimes."
  • "He's a good boy. He must be in some kind of trouble."
  • "What about that amazing... amazing night that we had?"
  • "We had a coffee."
  • "Make him suffer, make him wish he were dead. First, we attack his heart!"
  • "There seems to be some kind of activity in the web."
'Shrek' sentence starters!
  • "Like that's ever gonna happen!"
  • "Whoa! Hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you?"
  • "This is the part where you run away."
  • "Oh really? You and what army?"
  • "Are you talking to... me?"
  • "Doesn't that bother you?"
  • "I like that boulder... that is a nice boulder."
  • "Please! I don't want to go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak!"
  • "Oh this is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I'm making waffles!"
  • "What a lovely bed."
  • "What do I have to do to get a little privacy!!!"
  • "Run, run, run, as fast as you can!"
  • "You're a monster!"
  • "Technically... you're not a king."
  • "Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?"
  • "It's quiet... too quiet. Where is everybody?"
  • "That's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."
  • "The chair! Give him the chair!"
  • "What kind of quest?"
  • "Cakes! Everybody loves cakes!"
  • "No! You dense, irritating, miniature, beast of burden!"
  • "You know? I think I preferred your humming."
  • "If it was me, you'd be dead!"
  • "Oh, You can't tell me you're afraid of heights!"
  • "Let's have a dance then, shall we?"
  • "Two things! Shut. Up."
  • "I read it in a book once."
  • "You're just reeking of feminine beauty!"
  • "Wake up!"
  • "You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?"
  • "But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!"
  • "Well I have to save my ass."
  • "That wasn't in the job description!"
  • "Lets just say I'm not your type."
  • "Oh, you were expecting prince charming?"
  • Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy."
  • "Tomorrow? It'll take that long?"
  • "I said, goodnight!"
  • "Come on! I was just kidding!"
  • "Sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm?"
  • "Why don't you want to talk about it?"
  • "Why do you want to talk about it?"
  • "Who you trying to keep out?"
  • "Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me."
  • "They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone."
  • "Show her to me!"
  • "Ah, perfect!"
  • "Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?"
  • "You know, you're not exactly what I expected."
  • "Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry."
  • "What you're doing is the opposite of help."
  • "Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?"
  • "Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea."
  • "Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?"
  • "Wake up and smell the pheromones! Just go on in and tell her how you feel."
  • "Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry."
  • "Promise you won't tell. Promise!"
  • "You heard what I said?"
  • "Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong!"
  • "Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet."
  • "Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention!"
  • "Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?"
  • "Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?"
  • "Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness! The chicks love that romantic crap!"
  • "I object!"
  • "Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me"
  • "Well, uh, that explains a lot."
  • "Ugh! It's disgusting!"
  • "No, let go of me!"
  • "Get out of my way!"
  • "I-I love you."
  • "Really, really"
Dinner With Parents
  • Justin's POV
  • Babe can you help me with my watch?" She smiled and walked over, "course baby" She's so beautiful and she's all mine. "Babe why are you shaking? Are you feeling alright? Do I need to cancel?" she asked as she put the back of her head in my forehead "No, no, no I'm fine I'm just a little nervous babe that's all." She laughed, "It's my just my mom and dad" "Exactly, it's your mom and dad, what if they don't like me?" She turned around and looked in the mirror and put her necklace on. "You'll be fine Justin, I promise." I walked up and put my arms around her as she placed a kiss on her neck. "You're right, you look beautiful babe." I murmured against her neck. "Thanks handsome, what time is it?" I looked at my new watch I got for this occasion, "7: 08, we have to go" I opened the door for her and walked behind her locking the door on the way out.
  • I'm about to meet my girlfriends parents, as far as I've heard her dad is intimidating but what father isn't? It's his little girl and here comes this random guy sweeping her off her feet. No dad is okay with that but other than that her mom seems really sweet. The ride was really quiet, the nervousness in air was so thick I could probably cut it. I got reservations at this really nice place in town, it was small but a classy place with the best menu in California, I wanted the best for my girl. When we got there we kinda just sat in the car for a few minutes. "We have to get out at some point babe" ,she said looking at me. "I know, I know." "You ready then?" I nodded, "Yeah." She leaned over and gave me a peck on the lips. "Wait there okay?" She nodded confused, "okaaay.", she said. I got out and walk around to her side to open her door for her, "Oh thank you," she said and smiled. "I'm so excited for you to meet them, it'll be great." I nodded with agreement with everything she said until we sat down.
  • She kept rambling on with these stories she's told me a thousand times and it was cute, but I wasn't paying attention. For once it wasn't because I was nervous, it was because I just noticed how good she looked in her little dress. God damn "Baby you look so sexy." I blurted put interrupting her. "Oh I do huh?" She said with a slight smirk on her face, "Yes baby, you do.." I trailed off going in to kiss her but I was interrupted but her clearing her throat. "What?" She did a little head nod and I spun around almost falling out my seats. There were her parents, I jumped out off my seat and banged my knee on the table. Her dad already looked very displeased. I out my hand out to meet his and he had a death grip on me. "Hello Mr.(Y/L/N), so nice to finally meet you sir." I tried to discretely but desperately get my hand out of his. When he finally let go I rubbed my hand because of the pain. I'm not weak but geez he was defiantly stronger than me. "Hello Mrs. (Y/L/N) you look very lovely I can see where (Y/N) gets her looks from." I said smiling and kissed her hand, her laughed lightly and playfully slapped my shoulder, "Oh stop it you, it's nice to finally meet you too!" We all got seated and there was a lot of conversations going and the waiter had cam around with a few times, he kept bringing us rolls. A while had passed and I began to relax, "What exactly are your intentions with my daughter Justin?" Everyone looked at me, "Oh uhm I just want to make her the happiest girl since she makes me the happiest man," I said looking at her, damn she looks so good "..And I wanna provide for her and give her what she deserves, which is everything!" I looked back to her father and he just nodded. "You seem to be on the right track, what about marriage?" I looked between everyone, "W-we've talked about marriage, (Y/N) and I, it's bound to happen someday.." He didn't say anything back but went about his conversations with his wife.
  • "Babe my knee hurts from earlier." I whispered in her ear and she giggled, " My poor baby." ,she whispered putting her hand on my knee and rubbing it, her laughing brought us some attention because her dad continued to ask me more questions. "Have you heard Lebron is leaving the Heat?" (Y/N) moved her hand up and looked at me, "I did, which sucks for the Heat but at least now the Cavs got new fans right?" I laughed and so did he, I guess a few drinks lightened him up. He kept talking to me which was really nice actually, but out of no where I (Y/N)'s hand on my crotch and my eyes got wide and my knee flew up again, "Are you okay there buddy?" I looked back at him quickly, "Yeah I'm great, thanks for asking." He looked confused but sparked up a conversation about the World Cup with me, as she kept palming me through my pants. Fuck I'm so hard, I put my hand on hers because I wanted her to ease up, why would she do this right now? I looked at her and she just smiled and kept going.
  • I was biting my lip so hard trying to stop my self from groaning, "I'll be right back." Her father stood up and walked away so now her mother was asking about my family and all the good stuff. I can't focus, how am I supposed to focus? She kept moving harder and I started to shuffle around. She gripped it really hard and I choked right as her dad sat and the stared. She stopped and I look at her as she patted my back, "Are you okay?" I just kept a blank stare at her and she laughed, she put her back in my thigh and we all continued to eat but she, she just wouldn't quit. She kept going and I could even eat because I might choke. I feel a feeling in my stomach and my head turned to her so fast. She knew what she was doing.
  • She palmed faster and harder and I was pretty much a whimpering mess, "(Y/N) s-stop..." She shook her head, "Nope" oh fuck, there it was. We both knew I always moan when I cum and the only thing I could do was shove a dinner roll in my mouth. It kinda muffled out my moan but not enough because her parents looked at me. "You okay there Justin?" Her dad asked and I hurriedly chewed and swallowed it. "Yeah, that dinner roll was just really good," I panted out, "..it was Just a really good roll." I half laughed and (Y/N) burst out laughing.
  • she's gonna get it later.
  • *There will be a part two! Vote!* I took this from my wattpad account, please vote on it and like this post also!
The Best of Matt & Pat's Scariness Marathonpilation (Part 2)
  • Matt: The Shitstorm of Scariness begins now! With... Ku-On the Grooge.
  • Pat: JU-on.
  • //
  • Pat: GO!
  • Matt: I'M GOING! I got st-
  • Pat: Go around the corner you fuckin' baby.
  • Matt: I got st--AHHH AHH!
  • Pat: AHHH SHIT!
  • Matt: JESUS CHRIST.
  • //
  • Pat: Like the old Silent Kill-heuhsplehbleh fuck.
  • Matt: Nice.
  • Pat: Great. I'm the coolest.
  • //
  • Matt: Good books.
  • Pat: I should read these books.
  • Matt: Like, uh, Resident Evil: Caliban Cove by SD Perry.
  • Pat: SD Perry ruined my life with Caliban Cove.
  • //
  • Pat: So when you think about Hitomi J-Cup something pops out?
  • Matt: Yep.
  • //
  • Pat: I got the DDK Input Disc H. This feels like a joke.
  • //
  • Pat: Police tape.
  • Matt: The hairbringer of... Harbinger.
  • Pat: Harbinger.
  • In Unison: Of the Hairbringer.
  • Pat: Police Tape gets so much hair in it.
  • //
  • NPC in the Suffering: -- Is one fucked up hoosegow--
  • Pat: WHAT?
  • Matt: I will keep using the word--
  • Pat: What the fuck is a hoosegow???
  • //
  • Pat: Is that Head & Shoulders?
  • Matt: It IS Head & Shoulders.
  • Pat: What the fuck is Head & Shoulders doing in this game?
  • Matt: Head & Shoulders is pretty good.
  • Pat: It killed those aliens in Evolution.
  • //
  • Matt: I've listened to your bad advice for the last time.
  • Pat: Oh fuck, you're so garbage.
  • Matt: I'M PRETENDING THIS IS YOU!!!
  • //
  • Pat: Let's try this room.
  • Matt: Or how about not though, just in case--
  • Pat: -jump scared and killed.- OH!
  • Matt: -laughs.- YEAH. HOW ABOUT NOT THOUGH, I SAID.
  • //
  • Pat: This is the story I have figured out so far. This is a jail, and they made like--
  • Matt: Evil shit.
  • Pat: Evil monsters. The End.
  • //
  • Matt: You don't run in Russia.
  • Pat: Oh no.
  • Matt: What is there to run about?
  • Pat: No. You slowly walk to the Vodka Store.
  • Matt: Okay.
  • //
  • Matt: Like right now, I can't talk to her, because she doesn't wanna have any of my business. And I'm just running in place like a cool guy.
  • Pat: Oh.
  • //
  • Matt: Why would any teacher other than the Gym Teacher need a shower?
  • Pat: You know...
  • Matt: To wash all that student stuff off them.
  • Pat: To get all that Geography off your dick.
  • //
  • Pat: Jesus fuck
  • In Unison: (Asked if they want to pick up the Tome of Eternal Darkness) NOOOOOOOOO!
  • Pat: ITS EVIL. ITS CLEARLY AN EVIL BOOK.
  • //
  • Matt: KUON, COME ON! WE DON'T SPEAK YOUR LANGUAGE!
  • Pat: THIS IS CHINESE!! ITS NOT EVEN JAPANESE!
  • Matt: I don't know... I don't get it ahhhh I'M NOT DOING IT
  • //
  • Pat: Maybe it'll give you ghost fart powers.
  • Matt: I don't think it will.
  • Pat: It totally gave you--
  • Matt: What the fuck???
  • Pat: I fucking called it so hard.
  • //
  • Pat: I found a note.
  • Matt: See, he didn't even try to kill you at all.
  • Pat: I hope its gonna be all like, 'ey yo i'm an idiot.'
  • In Game Note: Next time, I won't miss.
  • Matt: -laughs hard.-
  • //
  • Pat: Is it tank controls?
  • Matt: No.
  • Pat: GOD DAMN IT. GIVE ME SOME TANK CONTROLS YOU MOTHER FUCKERS.
  • Matt: Its locked.
  • Pat: EVERYONE NEEDS TO GIVE ME MORE TANK CONTROLS.
  • //
  • Matt: Who do I want to notice?
  • Pat: He has a double barrel gun.
  • Matt: She is a boring professor.
  • Pat: She's an Ethnology Professor.
  • Matt: HER CHARACTERISTIC IS THAT SHE'S A BASTARD.
  • //
  • Pat: WOW. Wow. I did not know that Jason has a team of hyper intelligent Fox Dogs.
  • Matt: Yeah, but what good killer wouldn't?
  • //
  • Matt: Take a load off, you had a big day.
  • Pat: Sit in this shit.
  • Matt: You made out with that wolf, you got the bottle of wine.
  • Pat: Real comfy.
  • //
  • Matt: So you found the key! Good job, Player! I didn't think you could!
  • Pat: I hid that shit pretty good.
Preference #76: Reaction to you in a bikini
  • REQUESTED
  • Michael: "(Y/N), just please hurry up we want to get down to the beach before it gets too packed!" You heard your best friend yell from outside of the bathroom. You sighed as you grabbed a shirt and shorts to throw on over top of your bikini and opened the door. Michael's eyes were on his phone, but as soon as he heard the door open he immediately looked up, ready to leave and get into the car where the others were waiting. He stopped for a second then looked at you in complete shock. His eyes widened then traveled down to your now exposed body. You quickly put the shirt on and shorts, too, to avoid anymore of the staring. "I look fat don't I?" You suddenly asked, sliding on the shorts with a frown on your face. He quickly shook his head and just stared at you. "I - um - wow." He blinked a few times then you began to walk out of the house, Michael following behind you. "(Y/N), you have a ridiculously hot body. Why do you hide it?" You turned around shocked at what he said and got into the car without saying anything to him. The rest of the car ride you just felt Michael's stares at you and it made you feel confident.
  • Ashton: You had absolutely no idea why you agreed going out to the beach with the guys knowing you would be the only girl and they would be doing things you weren't completely into. You watched as they all jumped off the dock and huddled together talking, occasionally looking over at you. You just shrugged it off and continued to read the story you needed to read for English class. A few minutes later all of the boys were surrounding you, water dripping off their bodies. "(Y/N), put the book down and come in the water." Calum pleaded, reaching for your book. You pulled it away and looked at them all through your sunglasses. "You guys forced me to come, remember that." They all looked at each other then smiled at you and you became worried. The next second all of them had their wet bodies on you, getting you wet when you weren't planning on it. "What the hell?! You got my clothes wet!" "It'll dry. Especially because of how hot it is out here." Luke pointed out. You sighed and stood up, taking off your now wet shirt and shorts. You went to sit back down but all of their eyes were on you. Ashton awkwardly coughed and you stared up at them. "Jesus Christ." Ashton mumbled under his breath causing you to furrow your eyebrows. "What?" "Your body is just, Jesus Christ." You shook your head at your friends and got up, placing the book down and walking towards the water, them all eagerly following behind you.
  • Calum: "I will kiss you if you don't get in this pool right now." Calum shouted to you as he leaned against the side of it. You looked at him and laughed. "You're my best friend, I wouldn't care." You saw him lean his head on the side of the pool and then heard a groan. "(Y/N)!" He whined. You rolled your eyes at his behaviour and was about to go back into the house, but then you felt bad. You turned around and saw him pouting at you. "Okay, fine." You sighed as you took off your flip flops, then pulled down your shorts so they were at your ankles. You stepped out of them and grabbed the bottom of your shirt. You could feel Calum's eyes on you, but you didn't think much of it. Once the shirt was off you looked over at Calum who was staring at you. He licked his lips once then turned away from you. "I've been friends with you for a really long time and never have I seen you in a bikini and holy shit, (Y/N)!" Your cheeks flushed but you tried to ignore it and just got into the pool with him. His eyes never left you and he was glance down at your body every so often, but it didn't make you uncomfortable one bit, instead it made you feel nice that it had that effect on him.
  • Luke: "Luke, I need your opinion on which bathin suit to wear!" You called out to Luke who was sitting on your bed scrolling down his phone. "It honestly doesn't matter you'll look fine in either one of them." He sighed, continued to stare at his phone. You ignored him and grabbed the two bikinis and ran into the bathroom, quickly changing into the one. You liked it because it fit perfectly, but it was a little revealing in the upper area, not to mention the bottoms were barely covering your bum. You weren't necessarily used to being that exposed, but it was just a pool it shouldn't matter anyway. You opened the door and walked into the room standing close to Luke who was paying no attention to you what so ever. You cleared your throat very loudly and he looked up clearly not impressed until his eyes landed on you. They went extremely wide and he dropped his phone. It made a loud thud when it came in contact with the floor, but he didn't even bother to pick it up, all of his attention was now on you. "Holy shit." "Is it too revealing? I always thought my boobs were too out there, you know?" You looked down at your chest and tried pulling the top more to cover them, but it didn't do much. His eyes were glued to your body and he shifted on the bed, gulping. "No, no that is perfect, just wow, holy shit, (Y/N) you're hot." You furrowed your eyebrows. "Was I not hot before?" "No! I mean, yes you were, but I don't even know what to say besides holy shit." He took a deep breath and stood up, still looking at your body. "I have to go do something I'll be right back." He awkwardly coughed and made his way out of your bedroom, leaving you standing there laughing at his actions.
  • A/N: Hope this is good! I am a bit rusty, so here you go :)
  • What she says: I'm fine
  • What she means:
  • {Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. {Laughing} Like that's ever gonna happen. {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes} What a load of - Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead The years start comin' and they don't stop comin' Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin' Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey, now You're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait till you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire How 'bout yours That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored Hey, now, you're an all-star {Shouting} Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold {Belches} Go! Go! {Record Scratching} Go. Go.Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold -Think it's in there? -All right. Let's get it! -Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. {Laughs} -Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint. Now, ogres - - They're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. -No! -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! {Gasping} -Right. {Roaring} {Shouting} {Roaring} {Whispers} This is the part where you run away. {Gasping} {Laughs} {Laughing} And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." {Sighs} {Man's voice} All right. This one's full. -Take it away! {Gasps} -Move it along. Come on! Get up! -Next! -Give me that! Your fiying days are over. That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! -Get up! Come on! -Twenty pieces. {Thudding} -Sit down there! -Keep quiet! {Crying} -This cage is too small. -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! -Oh, shut up. -Oh! -Next! -What have you got? -This little wooden puppet. -I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. -Father, please! Don't let them do this! -Help me! -Next! What have you got? -Well, I've got a talking donkey. {Grunts} -Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. -Oh, go ahead, little fella. -Well? -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - - -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. -Get her out of my sight. -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! {Gasps} -Hey! I can fly! -He can fly! -He can fly! -He can talk! -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Oh-oh. {Grunts} -Seize him! -After him! He's getting away! {Grunts, Gasps} {Man} -Get him! This way! Turn! -You there. Orge! -Aye? -By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility. -Oh, really? You and what army? {Gasps, Whimpering} {Chuckles} -Can I say something to you? -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa! -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. -Oh, that's great. Really. -Man, it's good to be free. -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. {Roaring} -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - {Mumbling} Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. -Why are you following me? -I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone There's no one here beside me My promlems have all gone There's no one to deride me But you gotta heve friends - - -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? -Uh - - Really tall? -No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? -Nope. -Really? -Really, really. -Oh. -Man, I like you. What's you name? -Uh, Shrek. -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? -That would be my home. -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. -I guess you don't entertain much, do you? -I like my privacy. -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. -Can I stay with you? -Uh, what? -Can I stay with you, please? -Of course! -Really? -No. -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! -Okay! Okay! But one night only. -Ah! Thank you! -What are you - - No! No! -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. -Oh! -Where do, uh, I sleep? -Outside! -Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. {Sniffles} -Here I go. -Good night. {Sighs} -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone There's no one here beside me {Bubbling} {Sighs} {Creaking} {Sighs} -I thought I told you to stay outside. -I'm outside. {Clattering} -Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? -It's not home, but it'll do just fune. -What a lovely bed. -Got ya. {Sniffs} I found some cheese. -Ow! {Grunts} -Blah! Awful stuff. -Is that you, Gorder? -How did you know? -Enough! What are you doing in my house? {Grunts} -Hey! {Snickers} -Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. -Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. -Huh? {Gusps} {Male voice} What? -I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I have to do get a little privacy? -Aah! -Oh, no. No! No! {Cackling} -What? -Quit it. -Don't push. {Squeaking} {Lows} - What are you doing in my swamp? {Echoing} Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! {Gasping} -Oh, dear! -Whoa! -All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! -Quickly. Come on! -No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. -Oh! {Sighs} -Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. -Oh, gosh, no one invited us. -What? -We were forced to come here. -By who? -Lord Farquaad. -He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice. {Sighs} -All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? {Murmuring} -Oh, I do. I know where he is. -Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? -Me! Me! -Anyone? -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! {Sighs} -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! {Cheering} {Twittering} -Oh! You! You're comin' with me. - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. -Hey. Oh, oh! -I can't wait to get on the road again. -What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Can I hum it? -All right, hum it. {Humming} {Grunts} {Whimpering} -That's enough. He's ready to talk. {Coughing} {Laughing} {Clears throat} -Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man! -You are a monster. -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me!{Grunts} -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll - - -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. -All right then. Who's hiding them? -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? -The muffin man? -The muffin man. -Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin man. -The muffin man? -The muffin man! -She's married to the muffin man. {Door opens} -My lord! We found it. -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. {Man grunting} {Gasping} -Oh! -Magic mirror - - -Don't tell him anything! -No! {Ginerbread man whispers} -Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? -Well, technically you're not a king. -Uh, Thelonius. -You were saying? -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. -Go on. {Chuckles} -So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. -Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! -And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! -So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? -Two! Two! -Three! Three! -Two! Two! -Three! -Three? One? {Shudders} Three? --Three! Pick number three, my lord! -Okay, okay, uh, number three! -Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. If you like pina coladas And getting caught in the rain -Princess Fiona. If you're not into yoga -She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - -But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. -I'll do it. -Yes, but after sunset - - -Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. -But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. -So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. -Uh-huh. That's the place. -Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? {Laughs} {Groans} -Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. -Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. -Hey, you! {Screams} -Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - {Whimpering} {Sighs} {Whimpering, Groans} {Turnstile clatters} {Chuckles} {Sighs} -It's quiet. Too quiet. {Creaking} -Where is everybody? -Hey, look at this! {Clattering, whirring, clicking} Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect ...... place {Camera shutter clicks {Whirring} -Wow! Let's do that again! -No. No. No, no, no! No. {Trumpet fanfare} {Crowd cheering} -Brave knights. -You are the best and brightest in all the land. -Today one of you shall prove himself - - -All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. -Sorry about that. {Cheering} -That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. {Cheering} -Let the tournament begin! {Gasps} -Oh! -What is that? {Gasping} -It's hideous! -Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. -Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named champion! Have it him! -Get him! -Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. -Go ahead! Get him! -Can't we just settle this over a pint? -Kill the beast! -No? All right then. Come on! I don't give a damn about my reputation You're living in the past It's a new generation -Damn! {Whinnying} A girl can do what she wants to do And that's what I'm gonna do And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me -Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Never said I wanted to improve my station -Ah! {Laughs} And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun -Yeah! And I don't have to please no one -The chair! Give him the chair! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me {Bell dings} {Cheering} {Laughs} -Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! {Shrek laughs} {Crowd gasping, murmuring} -Shall I give the order, sir? -No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! -What? -Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. -Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures! {Crowd murmuring} -Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. -Exactly the way it was? -Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. -What kind of quest? -Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. -Is that about right? -Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. -I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole orge trip. -Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? -Uh, no, not really, no. -For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think. -Example? -Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions. -{Sniffs} They stink? -Yes - - No! -They make you cry? -No! -You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. -No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. {Sighs} -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. -I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes. -You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. -No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. -Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. -You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh And everything that you receive up yonder Is what you give to me the day I wander I'm on my way I'm on my way I'm on my way -Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? -You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's brimstone We must be getting close. -Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. {Rumbling} -Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. {Laughing} -Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers? -Oh, aye. -Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. -Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. -I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! -Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. -Really? -Really, really. -Okay, that makes me feel so much better. -Just keep moving. And don't look down. -Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. {Gasps} -Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! -But you're already halfway. -But I know that half is safe! -Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. -Shrek, no! Wait! -Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? -Don't do that! -Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh, this? -Yes, that! -Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. {Screams} -No, Shrek! No! Stop it! -You said do it! I'm doin' it. -I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh! -That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. -Cool. -So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? -Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. {Chuckles} -I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. {Water dripping, wind howling} -You afraid? -No. -But - - - Shh. -Oh, good. Me neither. {Gasps} -'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. {Gasps} -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. -Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. -The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. -What makes you think she'll be there? -I read it in a book once. -Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. {Creacing} -I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. -Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - - -Dragon! {Screams} {Gasps} {Roars} -Donkey, look out! {Screams} {Whimpering} -Got ya! {Roars} {Gasps} {Shouts} -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! {Screaming} {Gasps} -Oh! Aah! Aah! {Gasping} {Crowls} -No. Oh, no, No! {Screams} -Oh, what large teeth you have. {Crowls} -I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - (Coughs) -I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! {Gasps} {Whimpering} -No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! {Groans, Sighs} {Vocalizing} -Oh! Oh! -Wake up! -What? -Are you Princess Fiona? -I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. -Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! -But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. -Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. -You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? -Mm-hmm. {Screams, grunts} -But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! -I don't think so. -Can I at least know the name of my champion? -Um, Shrek. -Sir Shrek. {Cleans throat} -I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. -Thanks! {Roaring} -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's on my to-do list. Now come on! {Screams} -But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. -Yeah, right before they burst into flame. -That's not the point. Oh! -Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there. -Well, I have to save my ass. -What kind of knight are you? -One of a kind. -Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned. {Laughs} -I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! {Growls} {Roaring} {Gasps} -Hi, Princess! -It talks! -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. {Screams} {Screaming} -Oh! {Thuds} {Groans} {Roars} {Roaring} -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. {Fchoing} -Run! {Gasping} {Screaming} {Roaring} {Screams} {Roars} {Panting, sighs} {Whimpers} {Roars} -You did it! -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. {Clears throat} -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. -Uh, no. -Why not? -I have helmet hair. -Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. -But how will you kiss me? -What? That wasn't in the job description. -Maybe it's a perk. -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? -Well, yes. {Laughing} -You think Shrek is your true love! -What is so funny? -Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay? -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. -Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. -Take ot off. -No! -Now! -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. -You- - You're a- - an orge. -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an orge. {Sighs} -Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. -Then why didn't he come rescue me? -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. -But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- - his pet. -So much for noble steed. -You're not making my job any easier. -I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. Put me down! -Ya comin', Donkey? -I'm right behind ya. -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? -You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what happens when you find your - - Hey! {Sighs} -The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. -You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! -And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? -Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. {Laughs} -I don't know. There are those who think little of him. -Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. -Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. -Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. -But there's robbers in the woods. -Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. -I need to find somewhere to camp now! {Birds wings fluttering} {Grunting} -Hey! Over here. -Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. -No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. -Homey touches? Like what? {Crashing} -A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. -You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. -I said good night! -Shrek, What are you doing? {Laughs} -I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding. {Fire cracking} -And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. -Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? -The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. -I know you're making this up. -No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. -That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. -You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. {Sighs} -Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? -Our swamp? -You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. -We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my land. -You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. -No, do ya think? -Are you hidin' something? -Never mind, Donkey. -Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? -No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Why are you blocking? -I'm not blocking. -Oh, yes, you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who you trying to keep out? -Everyone! Okay? -Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. -Oh! For the love of Pete! -What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? -Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. -You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly orge. -Yeah, I know. -So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? -Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. -Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? -That's the moon. -Oh, okay. {Orchestra} {Dulcimer} -Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. -Hmph. -Ah. Perfect. {Inhales} {Snoring} {Vocalizing} {Whistling} {Sizzling} {Sniffs, yawns} -Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. --Come on, baby. I said I like it. -Donkey, wake up. -Huh? What? -Wake up. -What? -Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? -Good morning, Princess! -What's all this about? -You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. -Uh, thanks. {Sniffs} -Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. {Belches} -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs} -Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. {Belches} -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. -{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected. -Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. {Vocalizing} -La liberte! Hey! -Princess! {Laughs} -What are you doing? -Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from this green - - {Kissing sounds} -beast. -Hey! -That's my princess! Go find you own! -Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? -Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! -Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry Men. {Laughs} {Accordion} Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. I steal from the rich and give to the needy. He takes a wee percentage, But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels Man, I'm good What a guy, Monsieur Hood Break it down I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid What he's basically saying is he likes to get - - Paid So When an orge in the bush grabs a lady by the tush That's bad That's bad When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad He's mad He's really, really mad I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start {Grunts, Groans} {Karate Yell} {Merry Men Gasping} {Panting} -Man, that was annoying! -Oh, you little- - {Karate Yell} {Accordion} {Shouting, groaning} {Chuckles} -Uh, shall we? -Hold the phone. {Grunts} Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? -What? -That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? -Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt! -What? Oh, would you look at that? -Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -Why? What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. -Donkey, I'm okay. -You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. -Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -{Both} Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of Donkey. -Ah. -Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. -Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. -No, it's tender. -Now, hold on. -What you're doing is the opposite of help. -Don't move. -Look, time out. -Would you - - {Grunts} -Okay. What do you propose we do? -Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. -Ow! -Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! -Ow! Not good. -Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. {Grunts} -It's just about - - -Ow! Ohh! -Ahem. -Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - -Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? -Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just- - Ugh! -Ow! -Hey, what's that? {Nervous chickle} -That's- - Is that blood? {Sighs} {Bird chirping} {Grunts} My beloved monster and me We go everywhere together Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves Gets us through all kinds of weather -Aah! She will always be the only thing That comes between me and the awful sting That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean {Croaks} Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh -Hey! La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la {Both laughing} La-la, la-la, la-la -There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. -That's DuLoc? -Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow! -Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on. -Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. {Blubbering} -What? -I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead. -You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? -Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. -I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, {Bones crunch} -Ow! See? -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. -Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. -Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? -Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style. -No kidding. Well, this is delicious. -Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. {Chuckling} {Sighs} -I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. {Gulps} -Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it. {Chuckles} -I'd like that. {Slurps, laughs} See the pyramids along the Nile -Um, Princess? Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle -Yes, Shrek? -I, um, I was wondering. Just remember, darling all the while -Are you- - You belong to me {Sighs} -Are you gonna eat that? {Chuckles} -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. -Sunset? -Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? -Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. -Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. {Shrek sighs} -Good night. -Good night. {Door creaks} -Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. -Oh, what are you talkin' about? -I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. -You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. -Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. -I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm - - -An orge? -Yeah. An orge. -Hey, where you goin'? -To get... move firewood. {Sighs} -Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? {Wings fluttering} -Princess? {Creaking} {Gasps} -It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. {Screams} -Aah! -Oh, no! -No, help! -Shh! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -No, it's okay. It's okay. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, I'm the princess. -Aah! -It's me, in this body. -Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me? -Donkey! -Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! -No! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -Shh. -Shrek! -This is me. {Muffled mumbling} -Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. -I'm ugly, okay? -Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - -No. -I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. -What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. -It's only happens when sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." -Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's a spell. {Sighs} -When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. {Sobs} -All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. -But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look. -Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? -I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. -But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. -Shrek? -Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh - - {Sighs} -I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. -I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. {Gasps} -My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. {Deep sigh} -Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. -You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. -No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. -What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? -Promise you won't tell. Promise! -All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. -Look at my eye twitchin'. {Door opens} {Snoring} -I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. -Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - - {Snoring} -Shrek. Are you all right? -Perfect! Never been better. -I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. -You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. -You heard what I said? -Every word. -I thought you'd understand. -Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" -But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah? Well, it does. {Gasps, sighs} -Ah, right on time. {Horse whinnies} -Princess, I've brought you a little something. {Fanfare} {Yawns} -What'd I miss? What'd I miss? {Muffled} -Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. -Princess Fiona. -As promised. Now hand it over. -Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. -Take it and go before I change my mind. -Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. {Snaps fingers} -Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell. -Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the orge. It's not like it has feelings. -No, you're right. It doesn't. -Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. {Gasps} -Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? -Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - -Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! -No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. -Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! -Fare-thee-well, orge. -Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. -Yeah? So what? -Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - -I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? -Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But I thought - - -Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong! -Shrek. I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do ya It goes like this the fourth, the fifth The minor fall the major lift The baffled king composing hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah Baby, I've been here before I know this room I've walked this floor I used to live alone before I knew you I've seen your flag on the marble arch But love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah And all I ever learned from love Is how to shoot at someone Who outdrew you {Moaning} And it's not a cry you can hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah {Moaning} Hallelujah, hallelujah {Thumping sound} -Donkey? {Grunts} -What are you doing? -I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. -Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. -It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. -Oh! Your half. Hmm. -Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. -Back off! -No, you back off. -This is my swamp! -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go. -Stubborn jackass! -Smelly orge. -Fine! -Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. -Well, I'm through with you. -Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. -Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? -Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! -Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! -Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away! -There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. -Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. -She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. -She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? -Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? -Donkey! -No! -Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? {Sighs} -I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's what friends are for, right? -Right. Friends? -Friends. -So, um, what did Fiona say about me? -What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? -The wedding! We'll never make it in time. -Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. {Whistles} -Donkey? -I guess it's just my animal magnetism. {Laughing} -Aw, come here, you. -All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. -Whoo! {Bells tolling} {All gasping} -People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union.... -Um- -of our new king - - -Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? {Chuckling} -Go on. -Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" -I don't have time for this! -Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You wanna hold her? -Yes. -Please her? -Yes! -Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that romantic crap! -All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? -We gotta check it out. -And so, by the power vested in me, -What do you see? -The whole town's in there. -I now pronounce you husband and wife, -They're at the altar. -king and queen. -Mother Fletcher! He already said it. -Oh, for the love of Pete! {Grunts} -I object! -Shrek? {Gasps} -Oh, now what does he want? -Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding - - -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - - -But you can't marry him. -And why not? -Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true love. -And what do you know about true love? -Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - -Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. {Crowd laughting} -An orge and a princess! -Shrek, is this true? -Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm! -"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before. {Whimpers} {Crown gasping} -Well, uh, that explains a lot. -Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! -No, no! -Shrek! -This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? -No, let go of me! Shrek! -No! -Don't just stand there, you morons. -Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! -I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! -You'll beg for death to save you! -No, Shrek! -And as for you, my wife, -Fiona! -I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! -I'm king! {Whistles} -I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah! -Aah! -All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. {Roars} -I'm a donkey on the edge! {Belches} -Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? {Cheering} -Go ahead, Shrek. -Uh, Fiona? -Yes, Shrek? -I - - I love you. -Really? -Really, really. - I love you too. -Aawww! -"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form." -"Take love's true form. Take love's true form." -Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? -Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. -But you ARE beautiful. {Chuckles} -I was hoping this would be a happy ending. I thought love was only true in fairy tales Oy! Meant for someone else but not for me Love was out to get me That's the way it seemed Disappointment haunted all my dreams And then I saw her face Now I'm a believer and not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her If I tried -God bless us, every one. Come on, y'all! Then I saw her face Ha-ha Now I'm a believer Listen! Not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried -Ooh! -Uh! Then I saw her face Now I'm a believer Hey! Not a trace Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind -One more time! I'm in love I'm a believer Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey Y'all sing it with me! I Believe I believe People in the back! I believe I'm a believer I believe I believe I believe I believe {Hysterical laughing} -Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. -I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I believe in self-assertion Destiny or a slight diversion Now it seems I've got my head on straight I'm a freak an apparition Seems I've made the right decision To try to turn back now it might be too late Now I want to stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna be a millionaire someday But know what it feels like to give it away Watch me march to the beat of my own drum And it's off to the moon and then back again Same old day Same situation My happiness rears back as if to say I wanna stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home......... I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes My heart skips a beat Girl, I feel so alive Please tell me, baby, if all this is true 'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives When we first met I could hardly believe The things that would happen and we could achieve So let's be together for all of our time Oh, girl, I'm so thankful that you are still mine You always consider me like an ugly duckling And treat me like a Nostradamus was why I had to get my shine on I break a little something to keep my mind on 'Cause you had my mind gone Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh Turn the lights on, Come on, baby Let's just rewind the song 'Cause all I want to do is make the rest years the best years All night long Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh, yeah, yeah I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.............. Everything looks bright Standing in your light Everything feels right What's left is out of sight What's a girl to do I'm telling you You're on my mind I wanna be with you 'Cause when you're standin' next to me It's like wow And all your kisses seem to set me free It's like wow And when we touch it's such a rush I can't get enough It's like- - It's like Ooh-ooh Hey, what It's like wow Ooh-ooh, hey Hey, yeah It's like wow Everything is looking right now, right now It's like wow And I got this feeling This feeling it's just like wow It's just like wow You are all I'm thinking of. Like wow Everything feels right Everything feels right Like wow Everything looks bright All my senses are right Like wow Everything feels right Baby, baby, baby the way I'm feeling you Is like wow There is something that I see In the way you look at me There's a smile There's a truth In your eyes What an unexpected way On this unexpected day Could it be This is where I belong It is you I have loved All long There's no more mystery It is finally clear to me You're the home my heart's searched for So long It is you I have loved All long Whoa, over and over I'm filled with emotion As I look Into your perfect face
Save the Date

Jily Week 2, Day 1 | Games | Travel

In which Lily and James embark on a road trip and learn more about each other.

Beta: Renata and Dee | (ff.net)

So now I think that I could
Love you back
And I hope it’s not too late cause you’re so attractive

Be in my eyes
Be in my heart
Be in my eyes, ay yai yai
Be in my heart

- Flowers in Your Hair (The Lumineers)


‘What in Merlin’s name are we doing?’

'We are driving, James,’ Lily said with a huff. James eyed the car suspiciously.

'I am not going in that. We can Floo.’

'We can also drive,’ she repeated. 'And besides, Surrey’s only eight hours away.’

His mouth fell open. 'Eight hours? Evans, we could get there in minutes if we just took the Floo Network. I know a man in that department; he could easily set up your sister’s house temporarily—’

'No.’

'Evans—’

'No! If I use magic my sister will actually hate me. I can’t have her hate me more, not right now. She’s already kicked me out of her bridal party, James, I can’t have her kick me out of the wedding too—’

'Breathe, Lily,’ he ordered, putting his hands on her shoulders. She did as he ordered and drew in a long breath. 'Your sister isn’t going to kick you out, I promise. We’ll drive.’

'Thank you,’ she sighed.

'Can I drive?’

'Not on your life. I actually have my licence.’

'I can put a Confundus Charm on anyone who stops us. They’ll think I have my licence.’

'No, James. You don’t know how to drive.’

'Fine,’ he pouted, 'you can drive. I get to navigate.’

Keep reading

5SOS PREFERENCES #114: CAMP COUNSELOR...
  • Luke: It was all your friend's idea. She had dragged you to this summer camp thing 'cause she had gone there last summer and one of the counselors was, as she described, hotter than the sun. So you spent your summer helping her with crazy plans to get closer to the boy she couldn't stop talking about, and funny enough, you had laid your eyes on someone as well. You didn't want to be like all the other girls that followed him around because they were crushing on him, you wanted to be different and keep your cool. But that was hard. Every time you saw his blonde hair, tall frame and blue eyes, you were blown away. And that's why you avoided him; you and hot guys didn't get along well. It usually ended up with you making a fool of yourself. Yet, one day, when you were looking for Y/F/N to know if she had made any progress with her crush, you bumped into the one person you wanted to not have to avoid. "Sorry," you mumbled, looking down. "It's okay, (Y/N), right?", the way he said your name made your heart beat faster. "Yeah, and you're Luke, right?", it took everything in you to look into his eyes. "Yeah, I didn't get to talk to you before," he said, frowning. "Yeah, that's weird, right?", you lied, smiling. Before any awkward silence could make it's way to your conversation, you quickly asked him: "Have you seen (Y/F/N)?". "Oh, yeah," he answered, smirking, "But I can't tell you where she went." Seeing your confused expression, he explained: "Calum went to show her the counselors rooms, since she wants to be one next year...", you instantly got the hint and mentally high five'd yourself for making the plan work. "Oh," you smirked, "I guess she's in good hands then." "Yeah, so you can finally stop hanging out with her and make some new friends now," he laughed and you blushed. "The only reason why I'm here is her, I'm not really good at making friends," you shrugged. "Well, I'm helping you with that, then," he put his arms around your shoulder, "You just made yourself a new friend." With that, you spent the rest of the day talking, and later on you decided you wanted a tour around the counselors room as well.
  • Ashton: "Excuse me," you cleared your throat, knocking on the open door. "Oh, hi!", a tall boy with green eyes smiled, motioning for you to come in, "You must be (Y/N)." "Yeah," you smiled, "And you are?". "I'm Ashton," he shook your hand, "I'll be the one preparing you." "Okay, then," you smiled. It was your mom's idea for you to become a camp counselor, she said it would help you to get your mind of things, and it would be a nice way to gain money and enjoy your summer. "So, what's it like?", you asked him, trying to make small talk. "What? Being a camp counselor?", you nodded, "Well, it's hard. But it's nice, when you see everyone smiling, you know it's because you did something right." "I remember when I used to come to summer camps, I was fascinated by the counselors, they seemed so important...". "And we are!", he laughed, "This camp would be a mess without us." "It wouldn't exist without us," you chuckled. "You're going to have fun, (Y/N). It'll be nice to help you with that," even though he had an innocent smile on his lips, you couldn't help but feel another meaning behind his words. "I'm sure we'll make a great team," you smiled back, using the same tone as he did. "It's nice to have a new face around here," he smirked, walking closer to you, "Especially when it's a face as nice to look at as yours." "Well, your face isn't disappointing either," you smirked, taking one step closer to him. "Oh yeah," he chuckled, biting down on you bottom lip before letting it go, "I'm sure we'll make a great team."
  • Michael: You sat in breakfast looking worriedly around, wondering where Michael could be. The answer, of course, was in bed. All you wanted was to go wake him up and drag him out of his bed, but you couldn't do that. First of all, you were just another camper and he was a counselor; your relationship needed to remain a secret. And, then, you weren't even sure if you could call what you had a relationship. You had a crush on Michael from the moment you got to the camp, and, surprisingly enough, it seemed his feelings were the same. It didn't take long for you to start hooking up, and that's all you did, really. Stolen kisses and touches here and there, and some casual conversation, not much more than that. So, what were you? You were afraid to bring that question up, you didn't want to scare him off or anything. Yet, you couldn't help the feelings that were starting to show. Cliche much? You heard the door open and turned to see Michael with his messy hair and skinny jeans walking fast. He felt your gaze and turned, smiling sweetly at you, which you returned. And that was your usual interaction in public. You stood up, the only reason you were still there was to make sure Michael would get to breakfast in time, and now that he was there, you could go get ready for the rest of the day. "Hey, (Y/N)," you heard his voice when you were leaving. "Yeah?", you asked, turning to face him. He pointed to a door and walked out of the cafeteria. Cautiously, you followed behind, being pressed to a wall the moment you stepped out. "Good morning," he whispered against your lips, before pressing various pecks to them. "Hm, good morning," you giggled, pulling him closer by the shirt with one hand and playing with his hair with the other. Both of his hands wrapped tightly around your waist before he leaned in again, pressing his lips to yours one more time. "Hey, what if someone see us?", you asked. "No one ever comes here, we're safe," he mumbled against your lips, leaning in for another lazy kiss.
  • Calum: "(Y/N), (Y/N), (Y/N)," a young camper tugged at the sleeves of your shirt, pulling you down. "Yeah, sweetie?", you asked. You were the older camper, so you were treated just as if you were a counselor, which you were going to be next year. "Calum asked me to give you this," she giggled, handing you a flower and a piece of paper. You smiled, looking past her shoulder to see Calum standing not far away, smiling and waving, you waved back, laughing. "Well, tell him I said thank you," you told the girl. She giggled, and ran back to where Calum was. You and Calum were the camp OTP, and he only really noticed you like that after everyone started shipping you two. And from them on, you started to have casual meet ups so he could 'train' you. You opened the piece of paper, 'our spot in the woods in five?', was written in his sloppy handwriting. You looked over at him again, nodding your head. The young girl had already left, probably running to tell her friends everything about how she helped Calum to get with you. "You probably made that girl's life today," you giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck when you found him at the woods. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure she was glowing," he laughed, hands placed on your waist. "So, what are you teaching me today?", you stood on your tip toes to peck his lips. "I thought maybe I could tech you mouth to mouth breathing?", he smirked. "Oh, that sounds great", you giggled and he leaned down, capturing your lips in a sweet kiss. It didn't take long for his hands to creep up under your shirt, stroking your sides. "Even thought you're an excellent teacher," you broke the kiss, "I feel like I'm going to need more training sections next year when I'm a counselor." "Yeah," he laughed, "I can help you with that."
Christmas- Imagine #141
  • Luke: "Babe," his quiet voice called out as you slowly began to wake up. "Baby," he said, this time his hands pushing on your bare shoulders. "Y/N wake up," he said, now straddling you. "Good god, Luke get off me you're heavy," you said pushing on his bare chest. "But babe it's Christmas morning," he said putting his forehead up against yours. "It's Christmas?" You said sitting up, the back of your hand rubbing your eyes. "Yes, it's Christmas you dork. Get dressed and come down stairs," he said getting out of bed and putting on a pair of boxers. "It's Christmas," you said to yourself as you put on one of Lukes shirts and a pair of underwear. As you went downstairs, you saw that he had already began to open the presents you had gotten him. "Oh, by the way," he said as you joined him on the floor. "Merry Christmas," he said handing you a black velvet box. "You didn't have to," you said as you undid the wrapping paper. "But I did," he said leaning his body into yours. As you opened the lid, you felt your eyes bulge slightly at the beautiful bracelet inside the box. "It's perfect Luke, thank you," you said hugging it. "I made sure it was perfect, just like you," he said putting it on your wrist.
  • Ashton: Recently, your families had met each other for the first time, and both of them got along really well. Well enough that your mother suggested to Ashtons mother that you two spend Christmas together. "Christmas, really?" You said as Ashton got into his bed. You loved both of your families dearly, but you hated big Christmases, they weren't very private and all you wanted was to be with your boyfriend. "It'll be over in a couple days and then guess what? We get to go home, to our own house, with our own bed," he said as you got into bed next to him. "These walls aren't very thick so I suggest you be a big spoon," you said laying on your side. "Goodnight Y/N," he said kissing your temple before pulling your body into his. In the early hours of the morning, you heard shouting coming from upstairs, probably from Harry and your little sister. Cracking open one eye, you looked at the clock and saw it was nine in the morning. "Ashton, wake up it's Christmas," you said with a tired voice. "Hm? It is?" He said sitting up and looking at his phone. "It is. Merry Christmas babe," he said pulling you over to him for a kiss. "Want to give me my present now or up there?" He said looking at the ceiling. "How about now since it's busy up there," you said getting up and going over to his closet. "Okay, here's yours," he said still on the bed, the only difference the gift in his hand. "And here's yours," you said with a bag. Swapping the gifts, you slowly opened the gift and saw a new laptop. "Ash, oh my gosh Ashton you didn't have to," you said taking it out of the paper. "I did, yours was horrible. And you didn't have to get me such a nice jacket Y/N! I mean this is really nice babe." "I guess we're even on the gift thing?" You said rubbing your hands together. "I guess we are. Merry Christmas love."
  • Calum: Waking up from your position on the couch, you looked around your living room. It was sort of a sad mess, bottles everywhere and remains of the party you had last night scattered on the floor. The one person, the only person that mattered if they showed up, didn't. You had thrown the party just in hopes that your boyfriend Calum would magically show up like some sort of Christmas miracle, but thats what it would have taken, a miracle. Standing up, you went over to the tree where people had left the presents they had gotten you. Opening them one by one, you looked at how some of them were thoughtful (like the ones from your relatives) and how some of them were completely funny (like the ones from your friends) and how some of them...well you had no idea what to do with them. But as you got towards the back of the tree, you saw one of the nicest wrapped presents ever, nicer then your moms wrapping. Pulling it out, you carefully undid it, not wanting to ruin the nice look of the wrapping paper. You gasped at it when it was opened, mainly because someone had gotten you a designer backpack and you knew exactly who it was. How did he get it here? He hadn't been home to see you, and he definitely wouldn't have been able to get it to your friends. "Weren't expecting that now were you?" Jumping at the sound of his voice, you turned and saw Calum standing in the doorway of your living room. "But, but you said you wouldn't be home," you said quickly getting up and going over to him. His long arms quickly took you into a hug and he kissed the top of your forehead. "And just think, you said I wasn't good at keeping surprises. Do you like the present?" "I love it. But I love you more Calum."
  • Michael: The sound of the smoke alarm sent you sitting straight up out of bed. Looking to the side, you noticed Michael was gone, and looking down, you screamed profanities as the alarm stopped. This wasn't the first time he had woken you up to the smoke alarm, but it made you upset because it was Christmas and you're supposed to wake up to happy things, not smoke alarms turned on because your boyfriend sets pans on fire. "Michael!" You shouted as you walked down the stairs. "Morning babe!" He said sitting with a bowl of cereal in front of him. You looked around and noticed that the kitchen wasn't actually on fire. "You...but...why was the smoke alarm on?" You said walking over to him. "Oh you weren't waking up and I didn't know how else to do it." You rubbed your face before looking down at the floor. "Did you think about...I don't know, hitting me with a pillow because that is what always works on you." He only smiled before pulling you in for a hug by your waist. "Well it wouldn't be much of a Christmas if there wasn't a surprise." He kissed your nose and pulled you over to the tree. "Present time now," he said pushing a small box towards you. "Okay, here's yours," you said pushing the PS4 you had gotten him in his general direction. "On three?" He said picking at the wrapping paper. "One...two...open!" You said before shredding the wrapping paper. You peeled away the metallic paper to reveal a simple white box. Ignoring Michaels excitement over the game, you opened the lid and tipped over the small bottle of perfume that it contained. "Michael, you got me Chanel Number 5?" You said, slapping his knee to get his attention. "Yeah. I thought a classic girl like you would need a classic smell." "That's the most romantic and cheesiest thing someone has ever told me. Thank you Mikey." "No, thank you for making this an awesome Christmas."