(And I thought I’d wrap it up in three months… Whoops)! Thank you for your constant support, patience, and kudos (all 12,700 of them?)!! This project has really gotten me through some tough anxiety (and lupus, apparently) whilst introducing me to the wonderful, talented, empathetic, and creative sterek fandom. I’m honored to be friends with so many of you *hugs*
The final chapter is still in progress, as is book!Home! I’m eager to share both with you soon. ♥
Can you believe Yuuri is going to marry his idol?? the man he has looked up to almost his entire life?? the man who he has seen as god-like, unreachable, perfect. Victor was what Yuuri wished he could be but never thought he’d be able to reach Victor’s level but then?? Victor himself proved him wrong, helped Yuuri reach not only Victor’s level but above it?? His biggest dream was to skate on the same ice as Victor but now he has skated with Victor and they’re gonna get married???
And can you believe that Victor, who has dedicated his life to skating, who has neglected his life and love for decades met a beautiful man who took his breath away, stole his heart during one night and then disappeared, left Victor pining for him with no way to contact him, finally found him?? He found that beautiful man and that man gave him everything that had been missing from Victor’s life and he didn’t even have to try. And then he slipped a ring on Victor’s finger in the most romantic setting imaginable, wordlessly promising to stay by his side for the rest of their lives??
i love mob so much please for the love of god tell me about ur feelings on 100% ecstasy
OH BOY WILL I !!! ABSOLUTELY 100% (pun unintended but warmly embraced)
out of all the 100% events, ecstasy is my favorite. the drama… the tragedy… will fiction EVER peak like this again? i don’t think so. but BEFORE I DELVE INTO ALL OF THAT, there’s something i want to talk about first: mob’s psychic powers as an expression of his emotions.
we all know that mob suppresses his emotions to avoid outbursts of psychic power. but THAT implies that mob’s psychic power is a form of self expression, in the same way that body language is expression.
he can direct his psychic powers – the same way we can direct our bodies’ actions – but there are other components that are difficult to stop, similar to how people’s shoulders tend to hunch when they’re angry or upset, how they subconsciously cross their arms and direct their feet away when something is making them uncomfortable, etc.
unless you know about these bits of body language, and make a deliberate attempt to suppress them, it’s difficult to stop your body from revealing something about your emotions. similarly, one function of mob’s psychic power is as an extension of the way he expresses himself. these things happen subconsciously and mostly without mob’s control.
for example, one of the trademarks of mob’s 100% events is that mob starts releasing waves of psychic power that push his hair back. other side effects include cracking the ground under him, often to dramatic effect.
mob doesn’t push his hair up on purpose, it’s just something that happens – as a result of him releasing his pent-up emotions in the form of psychic power. these little bits of expression aren’t something he can control.
mob also says something REALLY INTERESTING in his first 100% event:
during 100% rage mob uses his psychic powers to fight dimple, yes, but these lines suggest that his outburst of power happened because he finally had to express his anger. and that implies that, in order to show his emotions, and express himself, mob has to use his psychic powers.
which is something he almost never allows himself to do.
never forget the disdain / loathing mob had for himself at the beginning of the manga, and how convinced he was that he couldn’t allow himself to express himself OTHERWISE SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD HAPPEN.
further material to consider: the lines that he said right before his 100% animosity / hostility event
at this point, mob hasn’t taken any action against koyama yet. his outburst of psychic power, radiating outward and blanketing the area, is not doing anything but expressing his hostility – to the extent that mob expects koyama to be able to feel it.
in addition to that, during mob’s fight with toichirou, he cycles rapidly through a LOT of emotions, and this is what he says about it:
canon suggests that it’s not just a buildup of of emotions that cause his powers to run amok; allowing his powers to run amok also allows himself to feel the full intensity of his emotions. his psychic powers are key to expressing himself.
I COULD GO ON… but i’ll just leave things here for now. to summarize: mob subconsciously uses his psychic powers to express his emotions, which is why suppressing his emotions also suppresses his psychic powers.
figure 1: a helpful venn diagram of things
which brings us to the REALLY SAD, BITTERSWEET, MOURNFUL TRAGEDY THAT IS 100% ECSTASY.
the fight against toichirou is possibly the first time mob has been able to fully utilize his psychic powers. the first time he’s had to, even. all the unconscious limits he’s put on himself – not allowing his psychic power to go free, stifling his emotions and powers – all come undone.
mob is allowing himself to be himself, wholly and fully. he’s removed his inhibitions. he’s running wild and free. he’s no longer expending energy trying to regulate his psychic powers – he’s allowing himself to feel. this intensity of emotion and action is something mob has never given himself before, and the freedom of it… feels good. incredibly so. he feels free, he feels alive, and toichirou – the only individual to ever stand on a level close to mob’s – understands perfectly.
this is a level of joy mob has never felt before.
the release of his psychic power even comes hand in hand with mob’s body language becoming much freer and more expressive than it is in daily life. look at him go!! mob, for the first time in years… letting himself feel the intensity of his emotions, just as they really are.
but of course his happiness isn’t going to last
because mob wants to be a part of society, and he thinks he has to keep his psychic powers sequestered away in order to do that. his greatest fear is accidentally hurting the people he loves with his own psychic power, and when he remembers that possibility…
the tragedy of 100% ecstasy is that – for just a brief moment, mob released himself from his self-imposed limits. for a moment, he let himself really feel, he let himself be, and in that moment he experienced a richness, an intensity, a moment of being so utterly present and alive that it brought himself to heights he’d never reached before.
and mob will never willingly allow himself to do that ever again.
the first time Jean allowed himself to enjoy a blue sky
the trojans had dragged him off to a picnic for “team bonding” and it was the first time he’d been allowed to look at the sky without Riko looming over him
the first time Jean felt the grass under his fingers
on that same picnic, while Laila and Alvarez were wrestling playfully nearby, Jean looked at the grass under the blanket and ran his hands over it and was in awe at how smooth it was
the first time Jean went to a party
the Trojans just won a game and wanted to celebrate, so of course they made Jean come along, and at first he’d been apprehensive, but then Jeremy grinned at him and it turned out to be not so bad
the first time Jean genuinely smiled
unsurprisingly, it was because of Jeremy, who made a stupid pun that Jean wanted to groan at, but he found it humorous somehow so he just… couldn’t help it
the first time Jean failed and didn’t beat himself up over it
the Trojans rarely lose a game, but sometimes Jean can’t stop a shot that should have been easy. One day he can’t block a shot and he’s surprised to realize he’s just thought “I’ll do better next time”
the first time Jean lets himself love
it’s not just Jeremy, but also Laila and Alvarez, who show him that love isn’t supposed to be painful or possessive or suffocating and who give him the courage to let the team love him