this cast is going to kill me

WHERE DID THESE RANDOM ASS SEB VIDS FROM STEPHEN COLBERT COME FROM?!?!?!? I FEEL LIKE THEY WERENT MEANT TO BE UPLOADED BUT ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU JUST HAD THESE GEMS LYING AROUND THAT YOU WERE GOING TO KEEP FROM US??? DAMN IT WHY IS HE SUCH A NERD

Getting Away With Kidnapping

Context: So after a lengthy discussion, our DM ruled that if a target is charmed, and the charmed effect is ended via the charmed target being attacked, that as long as an Enchantment Wizard was the one who charmed the target, the Enchantment Wizard can include the target forgetting who just attacked them when they use Alter Memories.

Bard: *fails Persuasion check*

Paladin: *fails Intimidate check*

NPC: No! I’m not guiding you all anywhere, and that’s final!

Party (OOC): Well shit. What do we do now?

Wizard (OOC): Guys, I have a plan. Just follow my lead. I cast Charm Person

NPC: Proceeds to guide party where they need to go while charmed.

Party: Proceeds to kill bandits they were after.

Wizard (OOC): Alright guys. Here’s part two of my plan. I whap the NPC with my quarterstaff.

DM: You have successfully whapped the NPC. Your Charm Person ends

Wizard (OOC): So how long has he been with us?

DM: Including when you first found him in town, up till now… 3 hours.

Wizard (OOC): Awesome! I use Alter Memories to make him forget the past 3 hours, including me just whapping him in the head.

DM: And he fails his save. Alright, you all now have a very confused NPC in front of you who doesn’t know who you are, where he is, or why his head hurts. What do you do?

Wizard: Excuse me sir. Are you alright?

Bard: (28 Deception) It seems these men kidnapped you. Looks like you took a pretty good blow to the head. Do you remember anything?

NPC: By the gods! Oh no! These men where my business partners! How did this happen? Why would they do this to me? Thank you so much for saving me!

  • Friend: Hey are you ok?
  • Me: Yeah I'm fine
  • My brain: Can we all just take a moment and realize what life would of actually been like if Connor didn't kill himself? I mean Connor was the only one to sign Evans cast and he even said "let's pretend we both have friends" he knows that Evan isn't a very social person and can't make a lot of friends either so Connor would most likely go back to Evan from time to time. Evan would feel a little awkward at first but would probably start to confide in Connor, thinking of him as a support system and the only one there for him and Connor would think the same about Evan. After time I bet they would become best friends and probably be bullied by everyone. They would go through times where they feel like they should just go away and not live anymore but they would never do it without telling the other first because they know that the other is going through the same thing and that they will know how to help. Soon they would start dating. They would secretly think of themselves as the perfect pair while everyone just looked at them and say "those freaks are meant for each other!" But they know why they are the perfect pair. It's because they can trust one another and can be there for one another and they know that if one of them decides that they want to leave and forget all the pain in their lives the other one would never be the same. They will both stay strong for each other. For forever.
  • Me: *tearing up* I'm totally fine

We had just finished our first quest, where none of us really were experienced DnD player, and I did some feeble attempts at solid DM'ing. The goal of the quest had been to find an antidote for a farmer’s son who had gone into a magical coma.

(ps: due to an inside joke, Winnie the Pooh is in the party like, just there. Christopher Robin is the farmers son who fell ill. The party coloured winnie the pooh neon pink. I don’t know why.)

DM: You reach the farm. You don’t have to roll shit to figure out these peeps are poor. They have a cow and a goat in a small pen that don’t look too hot. Oh, and there’s a donkey tied by the door to their shedlike home.

Elf Ranger: guys i think these peeps are super poor.

Half-Elf Cleric (only good aligned partymember): oh my god really????

DM: just as you say that, the door creaks open, and a thin, a bit aged man peeks out, and when he sees you, his eyes go wide and he steps fully outside, and he says “Are you the ones my daughter sent to- have you found it? Did you find the antidote for my son?”

Half-Elf Cleric: Hello we are here to speak to you about Jesus Christ- I mean, Njord. That’s my deity, right?

Elf Ranger: Yeah, the word of Njord.

Dward Fighter (whose alignment is sorta fuzzy): Yeah we got some antidote dude but uhh time cough up some gold pieces, aight

DM: So- these news fills him with both glee and fear. He sinks down on his feet-

Half-Elf Cleric: What was he on before

DM: -His knees. He sinks down on his knees, and he brings his hands together in your typical prayer like- he’s begging you. “Please, we have… nothing.”

Tiefling Warlock (Chaotic Neutral): sad trombone

DM: “Please, I- I have but one son, he and my daughter are- we won’t be able to do the amount of work- we need him!”

Tiefling Warlock: “Shall we move on, my fellows?”

DM: As you guys speak about this, Winnie the Pooh slides down from /Half-Elf Cleric/’s shoulders, where he’s been perched, and sort of waddles forward, past the begging father, and into the house, to join Christopher Robin.

Half-Elf Cleric: AWWWWWW

Dwarf Fighter: Ey he didn’t swipe the antidote from us, did he?

DM: No- no, you still got that.

Tiefling Warlock: I would’ve Eldritch Blasted his ass if he had.

Half-Elf Cleric: I think we should just give them the antidote.

DM: Like- just to clarify: the antidote is not like- a valuable thing. It’s just this one specific conconction for this particular- you won’t get more cash out of this anywhere else, nobody is gonna run up to you and go “oh, my father is in a magical coma and needs an antidote that-!” like. It’s literally worthless except for these people.

Tiefling Warlock: But we won't have to help someone pro bono.

Half-Elf Cleric: *annoyed sigh* I don’t give a damn about money.

Everyone except her: *horrified gasps*

Dwarf Fighter: … well, you guys do got a nice ass-

Everyone: WHAT

Dwarf Fighter: the donkey. You got a nice donkey.

DM: You… want the donkey.

Half-Elf Cleric: IS IT EEYORE

Everyone: YES we want the donkey.

DM: … The man looks at the donkey and then at you, and he goes “I- If it is a trade between the life of my son and my donkey, it’s- then it’s yours.” And- and Eeyore looks up at you all-

Everyone: YES IT’S EEYORE

DM: -and he goes “I figured I was going to get sold anyway…”

Half-Elf Cleric: AWWW

DM: and the farmer goes “AAA” cus he didn’t know he had a talking donkey

Dwarf Fighter: eyy hasn’t he seen Shrek talking donkeys means cash

DM: yeah well that doesn’t matter now cus he’s giving him to you guys

Dwarf Fighter: right you are

DM: and the man unties Eeyore and he sighs deeply and he goes “this surely won’t make things easier for us… but in exchange for my son… *sigh*”

Tiefling and Dwarf: oh stop moping around jesus hell

Half-Elf Cleric: EYY if I have a ‘set of commoners clothes’ can i give them to them cus they look poor right

DM: I guess

Half-Elf Cleric: EYYYYYYYYYYYY

DM: but then you’d be naked

Half-Elf Cleric: NÄÄÄIJ in that case fuck it you don’t get shit i’m sorry i tried

DM: -and you just start taking of your clothes to give them to the man, but you realise halfway through what you’re doing and you get dressed again

Tiefling: cover yourself, woman

DM: so- let me get this straight. You guys literally have a box on wheels that you pull along with you, and it is filled… with the golden heads of a pair of statues AND YOU WANNA TAKE THIS POOR FAMILYS DONKEY.

Tiefling: survival of the fittest, honey *grabs rope with Eeyore on the other end*

-they go inside and give Christopher Robin the antidote-

Christopher Robin: what the fuck

DM: And the family all rejoice at the awakening of their son, and they turn and thank you, and they’re in the middle of hugging you all when the farmer murmurs “They… they took the donkey.” and the whole family just. Goes quiet-

Dwarf Fighter: fucking tattletale?

DM: - and the mother sort of sinks down on her chair and she whisperes “How will we surviv-”

Tiefling: Oh for fucks- “look, woman, if you don’t shut up I’ll Eldritch Blast your ass-”

Half-Elf Cleric: “HEY WHAT”

DM: The woman gasps loudly and pales-

Dwarf Fighter: “Yo what’s the problem don’t you want a talking donkey”

Half-Elf Cleric: “I meant the whole threatening to KILL HER actually”

Tiefling: “I wasn’t threatening her, I was just stating a fact”

DM: That if she wouldn’t shut up you’d kill her?

Tiefling: It’s a very known fact.

DM: Winnie the Pooh is looking at Christopher Robin with such glee; it’s really indescribable how happy he’s looking, and he’s hopping around happily and he’s climbing up on the bed to give him a big old hug, and Christopher Robin, he goes- “What the- could you guys like take the bear away from me.”

Everyone: “WHAT”

Half-Elf Cleric: “Isn’t he like with you?”

Christopher Robin: “Wh- no? I just went into the woods and he just came up to me, and I found this ruin and he just followed me? And then I got stung by something and that’s all I remember? Could you like take him away he’s a bit creepy. And why is he pink?”

Half-Elf Cleric: “Well uhh he’s yours now. You don’t have a donkey anymore, so-”

DM: And this sorta comes as news to him cus when the father told the fam he had just woken up so he was a bit disoriented so now he goes “Wh-Why is-? What happened to our donkey?” And the father, he goes “Well, son, it was their demand to give you the antidote… and-”

Tiefling: “By the way… can we get this transaction on paper?”

DM: - and the boy turns to you incredulously, and he goes “But-! You can’t! We need that donkey, without it we’ll die!”

Dwarf: “You’re young and strong, boy, time to saddle up.”

Tiefling: “You got a bear now.”

DM: - And Christopher Robin starts to cry too, and he goes “You might’ve saved our lives, but you’ve killed our family-”

Dwarf: “Anywho, gots to go.”

DM: So, you go to leave the shedlike home, and the athmostphere is next to devastated-

Dwarf: “Okay, okay, I ain’t okay with this. We go here and save your life, and you guys are devastated? Really?”

Tiefling: “I agree entirely. Ungrateful runt.”

Cleric: “I-”

DM: “And Chrisopher Robin slams the door in your face.”

Cleric: “No, I was- I was gonna whisper to him “I didn’t want this, I wanted to let you have it for free-”

DM: -Okay, so you whisper that, and he just stares you down, and he shakes his head, and tears are falling down, and he just spits out “You’re just as bad as them for letting it happen anyway,” and he throws the door shut in front of your face after doing that.

Cleric: “GODDAMNIT”

DM: okay so like just to state- like, you guys are super welcome to just. give them something on your own accord, like, out of your own pocket, you picked up som gold in that temple, so if you want to-

Cleric: I WANNA GIVE THEM 100 GP

Tiefling: WHAT “NO, NO, DON’T” ok so I try to pursuade /cleric/ not to do it.

DM: You- you can’t roll to make another player do stuff they don’t wanna do.

Tiefling: Okay, uh “Hey, /cleric/. Don’t do it.” There, you’re pursuaded.

Cleric: … yeah, nah. I give them the gold.

DM: So- you hammer on the door and you shout “I GOT GOLD FOR YOU” or something like that, and Christopher Robin opens the door, and once he sees the gold you’re extending, he- he is so happy. He takes the gold and he goes to hug you, and the entire family comes out and does the same, they can buy like 3 donkeys now i dunno how GP works in dnd yet uhhh so-

Tiefling: Fuck this, I eldritch blast Christopher Robin.

Cleric: NO YOU DON’T i stand in the way.

DM: -Fine? Uh, roll an attack roll.

Tiefling: Twelve.

DM: You miss. You hit the ground.

Tiefling: … don’t I hit the house at least?

DM: NO YOU- WHY DO YOU WANT TO BURN THE HOUSE DOWN

 Cleric: WHY WOULD YOU STILL ROLL WHEN I WAS STANING IN THE WAY- YOU TRIED TO KILL ME

Ranger: All of this for a donkey

DM: Nah, dude, you got the donkey. This is because /Cleric/ gave them 100 GP

Ranger: Oh okay

Dwarf: Yeah, but they’re super ungrateful. Bastards.

Cleric: Yeah but we can’t KILL THEM for that??

DM: so the family, they- after the attempted murder, they run back into the house. 

Dwarf: Did they take the gold?

DM: Yeah.

Dwarf: Rat bastards.

DM: Does /Tiefling/ want to keep his spree of ‘teaching people some manners’ going or?

Tiefling: Nahhh. But he does cast sleep on /Cleric/ cus he’s pissed.

Cleric: haHA i’m a half elf and I can’t be magically put to sleep!

Tiefling: Nvm then I’m tired.

DM: So- you guys walk away from the house, and just for a moment you hear the door opening and then quickly closing-

Ranger: No

DM: -and you turn, and- Winnie the Pooh has been tossed out of the house.

Dwarf: THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT when Njord taketh a donkey he giveth thee an illuminescent bear, and they just TOSS HIM OUT

DM: - and Winne the Pooh sits on the ground very- very sadly. Had he had tear ducts, he would cry a single tear. He is on the ground-

Ranger: Still pink?

DM: Still pink.

Cleric: :’(

Ranger: ugh FINE let’s take him with us.

DM: You go and pick him up, and he is so happy. So, so happy.

Dwarf: what are we, collecting Winnie the Pooh characters?

DM: He’s on /clerics/ shoulder again-

Tiefling: Can’t we put him on Eeyores back?

Dwarf: Can’t we put EEYORE on WINNIE THE POOH’s back?

DM: You put Eeyore on Winnie the Pooh back, and you now have a donkey on top of a bear on the ground. They are not moving.

Cleric: Oh dear.

DM: And Eeyore sighs and goes “I knew I’d be too heavy”

Everyone: “AWWWWWW”

7

Harry Potter characters - The Core Seven

‘I’m just Harry, just Harry’.

‘I’m hoping to do some good in the world!’ 

‘Don’t let the muggles get you down’. 

‘Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve’. 

‘I’m worth ten of you, Malfoy’. 

‘Don’t worry, you’re just as sane as I am’. 

‘Don’t you get it? I have to do this, I have to kill you - or he’s going to kill me’.

anonymous asked:

Hiya Heyo. I love your blog so much, your really good at writing!!! Can I request the RFA and Saeran reacting to MC dying her hair the same color as theirs?( I dyed my hair and it became the same red as Saeyoung I super love it!)

That’s nice~ I wonder if I’ll ever dye my hair lolol I’m not that interested but I guess I’m a bit curious  ( ̄▽ ̄)

–R.I.

Request Killing: 12/30


Reaction: MC Dyes Her Hair the Same Colour as Them

Yoosung

  • Surprised to see that you’ve dyed your hair blond
  • “Huh? You dyed it f-for me?”
  • A blushing mess
  • Glances at your hair a lot for the first few days, still awed
  • Every time he looks at your hair colour, a big smile crosses his face, knowing you thought of him when you chose the colour

Zen

  • He’s been getting more and more famous… To the point that he was asked to go on tour to perform with the cast of his latest play
  • Which means he wouldn’t be seeing you for a while
  • A few days before he was supposed to leave, you dyed your hair silver
  • He was a sucker for matching accessories between a couple—matching rings, necklaces, bracelets, shirts… all that. But hair colour?
  • He was so touched that you had decided to match his hair colour—and impressed, because not many people were brave enough to try a colour like silver
  • “I’ll be back soon, babe, I promise. You’ll think of me every time you see your hair in your reflection, right?”

Jaehee

  • Lately, she’s been stuck at work with late hours… but when she returns, she notices how there were more strands of brown hair in her apartment than usual
  • When she finally got a chance to take a proper look at you, her mouth dropped in shock
  • “M-MC? You dyed your hair!” she exclaimed
  • You beamed in response. “It’s the same colour as yours, now~”
  • Feels delighted that you’d dye your hair the same colour as hers
  • Also thinks you’re adorable for being so excited about it
  • Kisses your forehead and pulls you in for a tight hug. “You’re too cute sometimes…”

Jumin

  • A bit self-conscious at first when you tell him you intentionally dyed your hair the same colour
  • “D-don’t you think it’s a bit dull? I’m sure you could’ve tried any other colour…” he murmured, cheeks pink.
  • He knows you’ve been wanting to dye your hair for a while now, but he felt a bit guilty that, because you decided to match him, it was a plain black
  • “But I want to match you!” you insisted, grinning
  • He felt relieved that you looked so happy about it
  • “It looks nice,” he says softly, his eyes gentle as he hides a smile while looking at your new hair colour

Seven

  • His cheeks flush as red as his hair
  • “Holy crap, MC, that looks hot,” he whispers in awe
  • Absolutely LOVES your new hair colour
  • Definitely takes advantage of it, too
  • “No no, MC, that’s YOUR hair on the bathroom floor, not mine… YOU clean it up!” he’d argue, a big pout on his lips
  • When he works on his computer, he loves to steal glances at you in the reflection of his screen
  • Adores the fact that you dyed your hair just to match him
  • “Let’s dye our hair together next time!”

Saeran

  • Extremely embarrassed
  • After all, his reason for bleaching his hair and dying it pink at the tips was… juvenile and it brought bad memories to mind. Definitely regrets it.
  • The only reason he didn’t change it was because you said he looked cool with the colour
  • He never expected that you would also dye your hair the same way, though
  • Still, he’s pleased that you want to match him
  • Although he scowls every time you ask if he likes your new hair colour, you know that deep down, he secretly loves it
  • He plays with your hair more often than before
  • And has this cute, small smile every time he does

V

  • Laughs when you tell him your reason for dying your hair blue
  • Reaches to run his fingers through your now pale blue hair
  • “It does suit you a lot,” he comments, a glimmer of amusement in his eyes
  • Loves to bury his nose in your hair when he hugs you
  • Likes helping to dry your hair with a towel, since blowdrying it would be unhealthy for your hair
  • Misses your old hair colour a bit… But you’re beautiful to him no matter what colour your hair is!
red

“The color red is often associated with meanings passion, anger, and aggression.“


Fixing your top, you left the bathroom and headed towards the ping pong room backstage, wanting to hang out with your boyfriend before he had to leave for his meet and greet. “So, how did you and Y/N meet? You never really told us.” You heard Mike say, and the sound of the ball hitting the table.

Wanting to see what Shawn would say, you waited in the hall, smiling to yourself as you thought of the night of Shawn asked you out.

“Well, um, actually,” Shawn started, and you heard hesitation in his voice. “When we first started dating, I was still hanging out with Nash, and the guys.” Shawn said, and even you heard the distaste in his voice. “We were all sitting around one night, and the guys dared me to ask a girl out on a date. Nothing more, just a date.”

You felt your blood boil when you heard that, since you thought Shawn had asked you out with actual feelings, not on some stupid dare. You didn’t listen to the rest of what Shawn was going to say; you couldn’t, you were too overcome with anger to focus on anything except getting off of this tour.


Shawn walked over to you, and tried to wrap his arms around your waist, but you resisted. “What’s wrong?” Shawn asked, knowing you were always down for a hug.

“Nothing, just don’t feel too well.” You said, not looking him in the eyes.

“Well,” Shawn frowned. “Do you want to take a nap on the bus? I’d offer for you to take it in here, but it’s going to get pretty rambunctious and loud soon.” He rose an eyebrow, taking a drink from the fridge.

You nodded, and grabbed your phone. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” You said, smiling at him. “Have a good show, Shawn.” You left without giving Shawn a kiss, something that made Shawn worry even more.


You stared at the bunk above you, not tired. You could hear the faint music from Shawn’s concert outside, but your mind was somewhere else. You wondered if Shawn ever had any feelings for you, or if it was all just a drawn out prank, a joke. You laughed to yourself, thinking of how sincere you had been through the relationship, while Shawn must’ve only pictured it as a little game.

You were too caught up in your thoughts to hear Shawn enter the bus. He pulled the curtain back on the bunk, frowning when he saw you weren’t asleep. “What are you doing up? Thought you didn’t feel good?”

Not saying anything, you just turned so your back was to him. “Babe? I’m worried about you, what’s wrong?”

“I’m not your babe.” You said. “You don’t say that to someone who you asked out on a fucking dare, Shawn!” You said, voice rising as you spoke.

Shawn’s face morphed from concern, to guilt. “I-”

“No, you don’t get to say anything.” You pointed a finger at him, surprising yourself with how venomous your voice sounded.  “I can’t believe you! Two years wasted on a dare! When the fuck were you going to tell me, huh?”

Shawn didn’t say anything, he just sucked his lip into his mouth, and looked at the wall behind you.

Were you even going to tell me?” You asked. “Were you going to keep that a secret through our entire relationship?”

“I was going to tell you eventually.” Shawn spoke. He noticed how the streetlights outside cast a red tint on the area around you both, seeming to add tension to the room.

“When?” You asked, standing across from your boyfriend. “When were you going to tell me? The night you propose to me? Hmm? Yeah, I saw the ring.” You said, looking at him.

Shawn’s eyes met yours for the first time since he got on the bus, and he saw anger coming through. He took a deep breath, before looking at you. “You can’t blame me for not telling you! It would’ve killed you!”

“Yeah, finding out this way isn’t too good, either!” You yelled, the fight becoming such a screaming match you were sure everyone outside of the bus could hear you.

Shawn ran a hand through his hair. “Stop playing the victim! It’s not like anyone else would’ve asked you out!” He said, and immediately wanted to take the words back. “No, I didn’t mean-”

You didn’t reply, but grabbed your purse and headed towards the door of the bus. With one last look back at Shawn, you opened the door. “Fuck you, Shawn.” You walked down the steps, and off into the night.


Blew her away

After a boss fight nearly wiped out the party, my drow cleric who has thrown exactly two offensive spells in the whole game, decided to step in and actually throw an offensive spell. Or three. I had prepared a triad spell to cast deific vengeance three times. Because the wording in the books were a little weird, I had some leeway in how I cast it. So we had me fire off the spell in triplicate. And was waiting to inflict some serious hurt since deific vengeance allowed me to inflict 10d6 damage at my level.

I looked at the party, which is ungodly large at 10characters, three of whom were dead, and the rest except one other who were marked as dead for the fight and grinned as I told them, “im about to show you why you don’t fuck with clerics”.

The DM had the undead boss, Malefor the carrion King, come to me and I told him I was going to cast my spells. I ended up hitting the boss with 92HP of damage, throwing it into the negative. The werewolf on my team swore at the amount of damage I inflicted. I was amused. The DM was annoyed because he didn’t expect me to blow a hole in the carrion king’s chest. With one blow. From 10 feet away.

Then I had my character look surprised and say “well, I really blew her!”

The party lost their shit.

a few notes about beauty and the beast:

• jean was searching for/forgetting his wife and son and I didn’t get that until now and I’m so :(((
• emma watson is so hot pls wife me
• the lil added songs that just made me so warm
• lefou (and the entire movie) was gay as hell I love josh gad
• at the end when she asking him about a beard and he just growled and the whole thing was just so kinky why
• the guy in orange who got a makeover I LOVE HIM
• why did nanny mcphee just show up??
• THE SCENE WHERE SHE FIGURED OUT HOW HER MOM DIED AND SHE SAID “LET’S GO HOME” AND THE WHOLE THING WAS JUST SO PURE
• lumière dabbed ??
• I’m in love with dan stevens his acting and voice (and face) were just so perfect I love him (why did emma bring up him being kinda hot as the beast bc now I can’t unsee it kill me)
• something there !!!
• dan stevens giving her a library just to prove her wrong about r&j
• I was so lit during the mob song
• I went in with super low expectations but omg it was so amazing the cast (even tho they should have cast more broadway voices) and the music and the costumes and the sets … I loved this movie

Sleepless nights

As I mentioned in my post for Nursey Week, I’m from New York City, and by that I mean Manhattan. But I go to school in the mountains, where the most noise we hear at night is the occasional truck passing by. What this all means is that I can barely sleep on breaks now, because it’s too noisy and there are always lights shining through the windows. If Nursey lives on the Upper East Side, he doesn’t have the lights problem, but I’m still going to project my exhaustion on him (with some NurseyDex because of course). Here’s to 4 hours of sleep a night.

It’s the first night of summer break and Nursey is in his childhood bed glaring at the ceiling wondering why his mind is refusing to let him sleep. Maybe it’s the incessant honking of taxis, maybe it’s the way the streetlamp shines directly through the slit in the curtains that can never be fully blocked. Maybe it’s the fact that the smell of cigarettes is filling his room from the assholes smoking on the stoop right below his window. Either way, Nursey’s done. He just wants to sleep, damn it. Heaving what he knows is an overly-dramatic sigh, he rolls onto his back and pulls the sheet over his head.

The phone’s light is harsh against Nursey’s eyes, but he squints at it anyway. 4:37 in the fucking morning. Nursey scowls and goes to Snapchat. If he can’t sleep, he might as well see how other people spent their first night of break. Ransom and Holster are unsurprisingly together, at a motel somewhere along the way to Ransom’s house. Bitty’s Snapstory shows a cute fully-stocked kitchen with a cobbler cooling on the counter; the timestamp says 1:12am. Farmer decided to practically livesnap her and Chowder’s trip to California, and the last photo is of Chowder passed out on the seat of a plane, captioned “we literally just boarded.” Shitty sent Nursey a series of videos at 12:43, smoking, ranting about a case he recently read, and telling Nursey to “get a night of some real sleep you fuckin’ beaut.” Nursey scoffs. Sleep. Right.

But then he gets to Dex’s Snapstory and is surprised to see a timestamp of 4:29am against a black background, captioned “it’s too early for this shit.” Nursey switches over to text and types with one eye open, hits send, and promptly drops his phone on his face.

Me: too early for what?

Nursey isn’t expecting Dex to respond, but a few seconds later his phone is buzzing against his nose from where he left it.

Dexyyy: tf are you doing awake Nurse

Me: idk man what are YOU doing awake

Dexyyy: You’re gonna chirp me and it’s too early to be chirped

Me: awww dexy you take away all my fun

Me: pinky promise i won’t

Dexyyy: Ugh fine. It’s the beginning of lobster season. Gotta start waking up before the spirits go to sleep.

Me: damnnn dex, cant catch a break can you

Dexyyyy: You promised

Me: that was hardly a chirp

Dexyyy: Whatever

Dexyyy: So what the fuck are you doing awake

Me: lol

Me: couldn’t sleep. Too many cars, too much light, too many thoughts

Dexyyy: City boy.

Me: is that supposed to be an insult?

Dexyyy: Don’t know. Maybe?

Me: gotta step up your game, poindexter

Dexyyy: Shut up Nurse

Dexyyy: I gotta go

Me: have fun killing innocent life forms

Dexyyy: Fuck off

Dexyyy: Just go the duck to sleep nursey

Dexyyy: *fuck. Ugh.

Me: lolll

Me: yessir

Me: gnight

Dexyyy: sleep well

Me: zzzzz

It’s 4:48 in the morning. Nursey is contemplating just getting up and starting his day. The pre-dawn light is starting to filter into his room through the curtain, casting a hazy rectangle onto the wall. Nursey gazes at it, thinking about how somewhere a few hundred miles away, Dex is preparing to get on his uncle’s boat and spend the morning hours on the water. Nursey wonders if the sun looks different from Dex’s amber eyes than it does from his own grey-green ones. He closes his eyes, thinking about how he and Dex went from nearly killing each other during the seniors’ graduation ceremony, to texting before the sun came up.

When Nursey opens his eyes, six hours have passed. He stumbles out of bed and stretches until his shoulder pops. Glancing at his phone, he sees three texts from Dex: the first two are sent at 6:26 in the morning, and the last at 11:39.

Dexyyy: Don’t tell Jack but I’d almost rather be doing suicides than fucking fishing for lobster. I smell like bait.

Dexyyy: Didn’t realize how used to cushy college life I’d gotten. I’m getting new blisters.

Dexyyy: Are you still asleep

Nursey realizes he’s smiling at his phone. And since it’s the first day of break and he has nothing to do all day, he’s pressing the call button before he can talk himself out of it. Dex picks up on the third ring.

“Dex!”

“Finally get your ass out of bed?”

“You realize that you have to text me every night now? So I can go to sleep? I only was able to sleep because you told me to.”

“Nursey, what the fuck.”

“C’mon man.”

“No.”

And then they’re off, Nursey asking about Dex’s morning and listening to Dex complain about ‘going soft’ during the year while Nursey rolls his eyes and gets dressed, then Dex grouching about how Nursey doesn’t have anything to do for the summer, and an hour later Nursey finds himself booking bus tickets up to Maine while talking about how they’re going to celebrate Chowder’s birthday that year. He pauses just before hitting the ‘book tickets’ button.

“Dex.”

“Yes?”

“Uh. You sure it’s cool if I come up? I mean, like, dude, this isn’t really…”

“What we do?”

“Yeah.”

“Well. I don’t know. Maybe we should try being friends without Chowder playing middleman.”

“Okay, yeah, that’s chill.”

“Ugh, if say ‘chill’ ONCE I will throw you off a pier.”

“You just want to see me wet.” (Nursey nearly smacks himself for that one.)

“Fuck off, Nurse. We literally see each other soaked in sweat like six days a week.”

“Okay, well, tickets are booked.”

“‘Swawesome. See you in a few days?”

“Yeah man, see you soon.”

And then Nursey is left in a New York City brownstone grinning madly in the middle of his room, thinking how much better this summer has suddenly become.

The 9 Times Harry Potter Rescued Draco Malfoy

“I don’t need your help, Potter.”

Harry laughs. Loudly. “And how are you planning on removing the jelly-legs jinx without a wand?”

Draco huffs. “I don’t need your help.”

“In that case, you can pretend I’m a fourth year Ravenclaw who stumbled upon you on my way back to my dormitory and luckily knows the counter curse.” Harry winks.

“What the fuck are - ”

“Careful with your language. I’m only 14 remember?”

Draco’s eyes widen. “You are an insufferable -”

“But kind Ravenclaw.” Harry articulates the counter-curse slowly.

“Nice to meet you. Shame it wasn’t under better circumstances.”

Harry turns and walks away. Draco stands up slowly, his legs wobbling.


“Fuck Off, Potter.”

“Potter? Do you mean Harry Potter? If you know Harry Potter, would you be able to get me an autograph?”

Draco rolls his eyes. “Go Away, Potter.”

“Did you get hit with a confundus charm as well as a leg locker curse? I’m not Potter. I’m Ryan. A First Year.”

“Potter…”

Harry pulls out his wand. “Lucky for you, I am quite advanced for my age and know both of the counter-curses!”

“No, I don’t need - “

Harry sings the leg-locker counter-curse.

“You’re welcome.”


Draco sees Harry approaching and grits his teeth.

“A tarantallegra jinx? I bet a Gryffindor did that. Sneaky bastards.”

Draco shakes his head. “You’re a Gryffindor.”

“Me?” Harry blinks rapidly. “That’s an insult. My whole family has been in Slytherin for centuries.”

Draco sighs. “I’m not going to play along, Potter.”

“You’re a little strange, but I guess I’ll help you since you are wearing Slytherin colours after all. We always look after our own.”

Harry performs the counter-curse and walks away.

“This isn’t funny, Potter.”


Keep reading

  • Canon: Hi friend, here's a great piece of media with a neat cast of char-
  • Me: i ship the big one and the small one
  • Canon: Don't you want to see these other two? See, their romance is one to end all for the ages! They go through so much-
  • Me: i want to see the big one mcfucked up over the small one
  • Canon: But-
  • Me: BIG AND SMALL! BIG AND SMALL! BIG AND SMALL!
When we realised we were horrible people...

We stumbled on a sleeping (enemy) Minotaur and our sorcerer decided to charm it, so we could get him to assist in fighting through the dungeon and so he wouldn’t kill us.

Our horrifically violent shunned Gnome monk decided we could eat him if that didn’t work out.

3 dungeon rooms in, I suddenly name him Mike, as he’s helped us and is now injured in the line of duty.

Cleric: “Should I heal Mike?”
Group: “Uhh…”
*DM rolls dice, looks up and grins silently*
Me (woodland based druid): “I think Mike is becoming slightly, uhh…disenchanted(?) with us.”
Sorcerer: “I pat Mike on the shoulder, say ‘Good fight buddy, thanks!’…then cast shocking grasp”
DM: “He’s stunned.”
Ranger: “I’m going to put him out of his misery before he kills us. I’ll roll to slit his throat.”
*rolls nat20, doing 48 damage*
DM: “You completely sever his head. Well done, you killed your buddy, Mike.”
Me: “A moment of silence for Mike’s friendship and sacrifice.”
*Silence, some giggling*
Gnome Monk: “Did the electrocution cook him, at all?”
Me: “Don’t be so dishonourable, he’s barely fallen to the floor! I’ll pour one out for you, Mike.”
Me:“Wait, can we use Mike’s skull as a helmet for Goat*?!”

*Goat is a…well, super healed goat with slightly vague supernatural intelligence and a full set of armour. This is what happened when you have the rule “If you can make the story good enough, you can do it.”

What I love the most is Rob getting hugs at Cons

Like, look at this

I just love seeing this

Look at his smile

Look at her smile

Both parties most certainly enjoy it

I most certainly enjoy seeing them smile and laugh and hug each other

Rob is so smol and precious and I bet that the cast knows that, too

Like, look at how some of them hug him

If I was tall enough, I would hug him like that as well

This is cuteness overload

I’m pretty sure I died a few photos back

Maybe I should stop (Jim’s face, tho)

Like, how can one be this cute?

Rob, stop that

You’re killing me

You’re going to be the death of me

You are the death of me

Jesus fucking Christ kill me now

Precious lil smol bean

oh ffs

Obviously the greatest portion of my love regarding Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries goes to Miss Fisher herself and the kickass lady who plays her (Essie Davis). She is smart and brave and sassy and intelligent and absolutely prepared to kick the patriarchy in the ass while also looking incredibly stunning, particularly her dresses and hats (I covet her wardrobe like whoa). Honestly even if everything else in this series were subpar, I would still watch it just for her. Both the character and the actress have charisma stats that are off the flippin charts.

BUT OMFG CAN WE ALSO TALK ABOUT DETECTIVE INSPECTOR JACK ROBINSON??

It’s bad enough that he is laconic and sassy and intelligent and awkward and much kinder than he seems to be. Please also consider:

  • His actor (Nathan Page) single-handedly redeems the fedora by rocking it hardcore
  • He actually uses the grammatically correct phrase LIE LOW vs. lay low
  • NATHAN PAGE CAN ACTUALLY SING AND PLAY THE PIANO FFS I AM DONE
The Wish Spell

Summary:  You use a spell to make a wish come true with unexpected results.

Characters: Dean x Reader, Sam, Castiel, OFC Sal

Word Count: 5772

Warnings: smut, oral (female receiving), unprotected sex, language, fluff, wee bit of angst, mention of past abuse

A/N:  This one is close to my heart.  I hope you like it and I’d love to hear your feedback.  MAJOR shout out to the wonderful, lovely and helpful @wheresthekillswitch for being my beta on this.  There’s no way I would have achieved what I wanted without your help.  And thank you to the fantastic @arryn-nyxx for the beautiful aesthetic!​ Thank you!


 

You didn’t mean for it to happen, not really.  You’d hoped sure, but that didn’t mean you were actually expecting it to work.  You’d been out with your friends celebrating the long weekend but the pit of loneliness grew to a crater the moment you were home.  Since you’d had a few too many beers you started researching wishes.  That led you to spells and then before you knew it you were rummaging through your house for a candle and printing out a picture.  You wrote your name, birthday and wish on the picture then you folded it three times.  You lit a candle and held the paper over it till it caught fire and burned out.  You were tired of being alone, but you were also terrified to make a connection.  After the flame went out you curled up into bed and you dreamt of him, but that wasn’t out of the ordinary; you dreamt of him often.

The next morning you wake up and as you stretch your arms out you bump into something.  You shoot up and look over and there he is sitting on your bed his green eyes looking back at you.  Dean Winchester.  He’s leaning back on his hands with his long legs out in front of him.  He’s wearing a flannel shirt and jeans and he even has his boots on.  You sit staring at him unable to think or to speak.  He purses his full lips then smirks at you.

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"I'm gonna kill him" -- Pt 2

After I confided in Jace he would not leave me alone.
“I’m gonna go take a shower”. I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my jumper and placed my weapons back on the rack.
“C-can I use your shower, erm mines broken”. He stuttered, obviously trying to find an excuse so I didn’t have to go into that room by myself.
I smiled at him showing my appreciation, “He’s in Idris until the end of the week don’t worry”.
I heard the training room door open, I turned to see who it was and I immediately wish I hadn’t. It was Alec. He saw me and hesitated to come in. I looked away, tears starting to rise.
“Hey Jace”, I never realised how much I missed his voice. I hadn’t spoken to him for just over a week but it honestly felt like a lifetime.
Jace stuttered with his reply, obviously feeling like he was in the middle, “H-hey Alec”.
“What are you doing tonight? Magnus has invited me, you, Izzy, Simon and Clary to one of his parties”. He raised his voice wanting me to hear him, wanting me to know that he still hadn’t forgiven me. I mean I couldn’t blame him.
Jace huffed, “Alec…don’t blame Y/N-“. I knew he was going to tell him and Alec was the last person I wanted to know about this.
I spun round to face them from the weapons rack, “JACE”, I shouted, subtly shaking my head before Alec could turn to face me. Jace saw the desperation in my eyes from across the room., “Go”. I told him, not wanting to look at Alec, “Have a nice time”. I walked out of the room with the fake smile still plastered onto my face.

I had been sat staring at the same spot for hours in my room, hair still dripping from the shower. There was a knock on the door, I flinched, “Who is it?”. I asked wearily.
“It’s Izzy”. I opened the door to her and she skipped in wearing a very short sparkly dress. “Why aren’t you ready yet! We are leaving in 5 minutes!”, She frowned. I was confused for a second when I finally realised she was talking about Magnus’ party.
“I’m not invited”, I said quietly, slumping back down on my bed.
Izzy looked confused, “What are you talking about? I was there when Magnus invited us, you were the first name he said actually”.
“Alec said…it doesn’t matter anyway, he doesn’t want me there, he’s not ready yet…and who can blame him. I don’t want to make things worse Iz”. She sat next to me on my bed and put my hand in hers.
“None of this is your fault, you were forced into this, you need to stop blaming yourself”. There was a short silence in the room where I processed what she said and took it on board. This wasn’t my fault, I was forced into this, I didn’t ask for any of this and I certainly didn’t want any of this.
“Now you can sit here feeling sorry for yourself or you can come out and have an amazing night with me. Forget about Alec, if he can’t understand then thats his loss. Anyway, you’ll always have the best Lightwood by your side”. She said with a wink and a smile. I pulled her into a tight hug, I was truly blessed to have heron my life, she was more to me than just my parabati.

I was finally ready. Izzy had told the others to go on without her, she didn’t want to tell them I was coming because she knew Alec would back out and then all the others would and she didn’t want that. She kept Clary behind as she knew that I would want her there as well whilst Simon drove Alec and Jace to the party as they were already late.
I couldn’t wear anything revealing or anything that showed skin, only Jace knew about my bruises and I didn’t want anyone else knowing, it was my burden to bear not anyone else.
I walked out in a long sleeve black top and my well worn go to black jeans with my black and white converse. I literally looked like I was just going on a mission. I grabbed my key for my room and took my phone off charge.
I looked up at the two awaiting faces that were sat on my bed, “Lets go”. My face was showing one emotion: happiness. But on the inside I was feeling the complete opposite: nervous, dread, anger, regret, worry, guilt and most of all scared. I didn’t know what was going to happen tonight, with Alec and just in general. I didn’t know what was going to happen to me anymore. But no one ever noticed, I never let them see, I was a professional at hiding it all especially now.

We walked up to the entrance of Magnus’ apartment, I went to open the door, as a knock would not be heard from the volume of the music playing, but I hesitated.
Izzy and Clary came to my side, “You aren’t going though this alone, you’ll be with us, don’t worry”. And with their reassuring smiles I pulled on the door handle and entered. My eyes immediately fell on Alec and Jace standing near the bar but they hadn’t noticed that we were there.

Throughout the night I just mingled. Clary had gone with Jace and Izzy had gone to Simon, I wanted them to have a good time, not just babysitting me and following me around.
“Hey Y/N, congrats on your wedding! We heard about it but we haven’t seen you in the institute in days, but you are probably having your alone time with you new hubby”. I had never seen her before but obviously the news had be travelling round, I felt sick to my stomach with what everyone was saying. It was the 500th conversation I had had about the marriage in the last hour alone, I just smiled and tried to find a corner to go sit in but she clung onto my arm, “Your hubster is in the other room if you are looking for him”. My eyes went wide and panic took over my body completely.
“W-what do you mean? He’s in Idris!”. I stuttered but the music was too loud for her to hear me so she just turned back to her friends and continued dancing. The whole room started to feel like it was swinging left to right, I looked around frantically. I wanted to find someone. Jace, Izzy, Simon…just anyone. I saw Magnus and Dot out on the balcony, I started to go towards them when I was grabbed and shoved into the nearest room. From the force of the push I fell onto the floor of what I assumed was Magnus’ room because of the glittery curtains and sparkly duvet. This action was all too familiar, it was him.
I looked up as he was closing and locking the door.
“Are you telling people things about me?!”, he screamed.
“No”, I couldn’t even look him in the eye, I was terrified. I wanted someone to hear him but it was impossible, the music was way too loud for anyone to hear anything.
“Then do tell me why Jace Herondale has asked the clave for a meeting concerning me, and please do explain why he has asked for my private and personal files to be transferred from my old institute to New York’s!”.
I wasn’t annoyed at Jace, I knew he was doing this all for me and he wanted to protect me, I just wish he had warned me about it and gave me a heads up on what he was doing. I could have prepared myself for the consequences.
“Why don’t you go and ask him and leave me alone!”, I hissed back. I had mixed emotions, I wanted to show that I wasn’t afraid even though I was terrified and that I wasn’t affected by what he was doing even though I was broken. Completely broken.
“You’re a liar. Do you know what happens to liars”. He pulled out a well lit seraph blade dagger, “They get punished”. I went to run towards the door but my face collided with his fist instead. I was out cold.

••••

“Have you seen Y/N?”, Izzy carefully but quickly ran up to Clary, Jace and Alec in her heels with Simon following her. Alec rolled his eyes but Izzy just dismissed it, she knew he was being childish. Both Clary and Jace shook their heads.
“Y/N’s probably hooking up with William, he wasn’t even invited why the hell would Y/N bring him”. Alec said with a hint of jealousy. Jace choked on his drink, his eyes were wide and he started to look worried.
“WHAT! William is here!? He’s meant to be in Idris”. Everyone looked confused on why Jace was so bothered. “Y/N didn’t want me to say anything, I only found out this morning and (s)he didn’t want me to say anything to anyone. I wanted to kill him-“.
Alec cut him off, “JACE! Get on with it!”.
“William is abusive. I was in the training room and you should have seen all the bruises and cuts. They were serious and some were deep, he’s very dangerous”.
Alec was guilty and furious, “Why the hell didn’t you say anything to us, Y/N’s life could be in danger!”.
Jace looked at the floor disappointedly, “He was meant to be in Idris for the week, I was setting up meetings with the Clave to see if I could get him transferred to another institute whilst he was away so Y/N didn’t have to face him and get hurt by that monster ever again. He wasn’t meant to be back”.
Alec was about to respond when Izzy yelled out in pain. Simon ran to her side, “Babe what’s up?!”.
She clung on to her arm and gritted her teeth, “It’s Y/N, something’s wrong”.
Alec’s voice was shaky and filled with dread, “What are we waiting for!!”.

The group frantically searched and asked Magnus to clear the guests out ASAP and within 5 minutes the apartment was just filled with scattered empty red cups and pizza crusts. Magnus went to slide his bedroom door open to find that it was locked, he frantically twisted his hands around with blue waves coming from them but his magic didn’t budge the door.
“THEY’RE IN HERE”, he shouted for everyone to come to him.
Jace bashed on the door, “Y’N, YOU IN THERE!”. But there was no answer.
“You won’t hear anything, the bedroom walls are soundproof”, Magnus admitted, if it wasn’t such a bad situation there would be a few chuckles and wide eyes from everyone.
“Magnus why can’t you open the door?!”, Clary asked whilst helping Jace pull on the handle.
“It’s been locked from the inside by a rune, my magic isn’t useful against that”.
Izzy was still in pain, a lot of pain which was only half of what Y/N was going through. Simon stood by her, keeping her up right, feeling useless.
Clary grabbed her stele, “Jace, Alec get back…NOW!”. She had only just discovered that she had new powers that created runes, more powerful than any others. She thought for a moment and closed her eyes and then once she got the picture her arm didn’t stop. Waves, circles and all kinds of shapes and the door came flying open.

••••

He was on top of me, his knees pinning one arm down whilst he did something with the other. It hadn’t been long since I regained consciousness and I really wish I hadn’t. The pain was incredible and there was no sign of it stopping. I was screaming out and crying, hoping that someone would find me but I knew that was unlikely.
My hearing started to go and I was drifting in and out of consciousness, my eye sight was going blurry which I assumed was because of the excruciating pain, my body couldn’t take it anymore.
Suddenly there was a massive bang and the sliding door nearly flew off the hinges. He got off me and that’s when I realised how much pressure was on top of my chest that I hadn’t felt. The first person I saw was Alec and the minute I did I felt so much better, that was until the punches were thrown. Izzy came running to my side, trying to talk to me but it was just a bunch of noise, I couldn’t hear anything properly which scared me. She looked down at my arm, the source of most of the pain, and her face dropped. I looked down and that’s when I saw it. That’s when I saw what he had done to me. Then everything went black.

Originally posted by dailyaleclightwood