this caption is not even a joke

2

idk about you guys but I’d gladly join Griffin in the sewers over Animal Crossing Mobile being anything BUT an Animal Crossing game.

Who would have believed that the perfect Wikipedia photo caption could have been improved on? (Alan Ferrier on twitter)

I love this as an example of Gricean humour. Grice’s Maxims say to only say things that are relevant (i.e. interpret everything someone says as if it adds relevant information to the conversation). In this case, the caption is “improved” by adding (right) after the name of the bagpiper. In many photo captions, (left) or (right) is used to tell us which of several similar-looking people the caption is about. If there were several bagpipers or even humans, (right) would be a neutral, informative information. 

But here, the only entities in the photo are Piper Kerr and the indifferent penguin. It’s very easy to tell the difference between them. So adding (right) brings with it the absurd interpretation that (right) is relevant information, i.e. that the piper and the penguin are hard to tell apart. 

I recently saw a pain scale with the caption “if you can still talk, your not at a nine” and it really really bothered me. One of my doctors (who works extensively with teenagers with CRPS) said that one common theme he sees in his patients is a complete lack of reaction to pain. He told me that when he performs procedures and tests that are objectively extremely painful, often the teenagers will be smiling and cracking jokes, even though he knows that they are in excruciating pain. At nine I can carry on a conversation (not very well, because at this point things start to get really cloudy for me, but still a conversation). During my nerve conduction study (If you’ve ever had one you know how awful it is, and if you haven’t, it involves a six inch long eighteen gage needle stabbed deep into your muscles over and over while you clench and relax them as instructed.) i chatted with the nurse and played games on my phone. It wasn’t that I wasn’t in pain, it was just I was also outside of it. For teenagers with chronic pain a disassociation from themselves and their bodies is common, even expected. If I “grounded myself”, saw myself as In my body and of my body and nothing else I don’t know how I would survive. In order to live, to get out of bed or wash my hair or put on pants I have to separate ME from my body. It’s how I can pop my shoulder out of socket and put it back in during a conversation. It’s a matter of survival. And I’m tired of people saying that my pain isn’t real or valid because of it.

Yeah, I’m addressing the same topic twice, but…

If you submit/edit captions on youtube, please remember that some of us rely on subtitles to understand the video. Your cute little jokes are only funny if you can hear and understand the original audio.

In Jack’s new video, all of Anti’s lines are in zalgo text in the subtitles. (Someone changed it to be this way–the original captions were all in normal text.) Yes, his voice is altered and unnatural-sounding. But zalgo is hard to read, especially as it’s flashing by. I have to stop the video every time a new caption comes up so I can read it.

Captions are for people who need them, not for your commentary and embellishment.

Turtles man

OKAY

im putting an end to these lil peep/gustav åhr rumors.

he didnt overdose

what ?? yeah

gustav was going through depression, yes, it was super obvious to anyone who followed him on social media and/or listened to his music. he had issues.

xanax is a drug that suspends depressional thoughts and impulses; its used to help out with stress and all that bullshit

okay, lil peep was going on tour and his next stop was tuscon arizona (where i live). his life was goin’ uphill, he was happy, he was livin’ a dream like he always wanted to.

now…. a fan of gustav, Mariah Bons, texted Mackned (a GBC member) that she’d be selling xans, wax, pods, all that bullshit. she needed to make a few extra bucks and peep was like ‘hell yeah, cool’.

unbeknownst to all of them, mariah laced her xanax and poisoned lil peep. he died later that day.

mariah bons then bragged in a group chat that she drugged the gbc and that peep passed out on the bus because of her and her friends; she seemed extremely ecstatic.

this is ALSO not the first time shes laced her drugs and sold them to people. police are looking into it.

mariah bons is a monster. and so are the people joking about peep’s murder and saying he ‘glorified drugs’.

name one rapper who doesnt dabble with drugs and doesnt occasionally make edgy lyrics. ill fuckin wait. he does drugs, yes, he made jokes, yes. he did coke and weed, sure ! but so do half of the other mainstream rappers.

for years, gustav has been quoting his depressing lyrics and putting his captions as something that involved death. it was a sort of way to cope. he even played it off as a joke some of the time. we were… used to it, so he kept doing it.

he loved his fans, however, and knew that his career was glowing the fuck up and he was doing something right.

all of you people saying he deserved that overdose and its ‘what he gets’ are sick sick people and you shouldnt deserve to be on social media.

dont fuckin @ me


anyways, if you need resources just look up mariah bons literally anywhere and itll show up her chat logs and videos of gustavs corpse.

shout out to toopoor/layla

fish narc

hotel shrimp/cass

horse head

wicca phase

lil pump

mackned

coldhart

and gustav’s mom. they deserve every condolence in the world and i hope they start lookin’ up. we all hope peep is in a better place.

he was so kind-hearted and loved his fans and expressed it whenever he could.

he was funny and oh-so talented. i hope mariah burns in the slums of a dirty prison cell forever.

ive never seen him blow up on somebody or say something nasty, even through the lil tracy fiasco… rip one of the best rappers of this generation.

the fuckboy scheme | 3 | m

◇ Jungkook’s goals changed a long time ago — and so did yours.

◇ Jungkook x reader

◇ fuckboi!au + college!au

◇ words: 8.3k

tfs 1 | tfs 2

◇ i havent updated in agesss lordt im sorry guys but i hope you enjoy this!! The last part in the tfs series 🤗

•••

You woke up the day after you sent Jeon your thanks for the previous night’s escapade, not an inkling of a hangover because you didn’t drink. You almost wished you had, though, because at least then you could blame your actions on your tipsy brain and not your very alert and well-aware mind. 

But no, you weren’t under any kind of influence when you let Jeon Jungkook tug apart your legs and eat you out like a man starved, and you were definitely in your right mind when you got home and stripped down and took the most flattering picture you could take before sending it to him. You had no idea what consequences your decisions would reap but you were only hoping that, if anything, nothing would change. 

But in the days that followed your exchange of… intimate media with Jeon Jungkook, however, it was as though he was everywhere you went. 

In the supermarket when you were picking up broccoli after Jennie read an article about college students not eating enough greens — in the coffee shop on campus before one of your lectures, where he stole one of your muffins and left you only with a cheeky grin and a fleeting kiss on the cheek (you try not to linger on how almost romantic that particular run-in was), and more that included the campus library and the park as just a few. 

He didn’t try to push anything — he didn’t ask for a kiss, or another picture, or try and coerce you into another night together. It almost seemed as if you’d reached a ceasefire with your little game. Maybe your whole fiasco with Namjoon, and Jungkook’s favour, and your repayment had brought you both to a common ground of some sort. You didn’t fight to make him lose control and he didn’t fight to make you squirm in the best way possible.

It seemed more domestic than whatever it was you had signed up for, yet — and you weren’t about to admit it to anyone — you didn’t mind it. 

The dryer vibrates underneath you, making your body shake with every spin of the drum. Your legs kicked back and forth, ears plugged with music and eyes shut tiredly. It’s Saturday morning, the Saturday of a boring and draining week that you were ecstatic was finally over. Unfortunately, sleeping in was to be left for tomorrow — after fighting to find clothes to wear on Wednesday through Friday, you reluctantly admitted that you needed a visit to the laundromat. So here you are, dressed in day-old sweatpants and a gigantic hoodie, flip-flops hanging off your feet at 9:47 on a Saturday. 

There’s only a few others here; and old lady washing bunches of blankets, a middle-aged man stuffing what looks suspiciously like a body pillow into the dryer, a fellow college student almost falling asleep leaning on the washing machines. 

You, yourself, settled onto the dryer seconds after turning it on, propping your head against the wall behind you. The melodious sound of Rihanna and Kendrick Lamar was doing a good job of lulling you to sleep, pulling you deeper and deeper into dreamland… 

You don’t know how long you had drifted off for, but when you wake up you’re leaning against something warm and distinctly alive that was definitely not there before. Cautiously, you lift your head from what you can tell is a shoulder, eyes trailing up to meet the eyes of— 

“Jeon Jungkook,” you state groggily, eyes narrowing as you yank your earphones from your ears. “What do you think you’re doing, creep?” 

“Don’t thank me,” he replies smoothly, not looking up from his phone. “I put a second load in the dryer for you. Cute panties, by the way.“ 

"You pervert—!" 

"I’m kidding,” he scoffs, a grin tugging at his cheeks as you punch his shoulder roughly. He grabs your shoulders jokingly in an effort to push you away, his giggles unconsciously making you laugh yourself. “I’m not disgusting." 

"Yeah, you are,” you murmur, smirking as you settle back into your position. His shoulder is strangely comfy and he smells nice, too… What detergent does he use? 

“When did you even get here?“ 

"Like twenty minutes ago.” He shrugs. “You were about to fall over so I made the ultimate sacrifice and gave up my shoulder for you." 

"Gee,” you began sarcastically, “Thanks." 

"I know,” he says, nodding. You watch in interest as he pockets his phone, finally leaving you both with nothing else except the dryer underneath you and the wall against your backs. “If I was a bad person I’d ask for a payment…" 

"Payment,” you chortle. “I gave you payment enough just days ago. Or do you not remember?" 

"Ah.” His voice takes on a darker, more mischievous tone and you can’t see it but you can imagine that he’s licked his lips. You roll your eyes at his typical fuckboy behaviour. “I remember quite clearly." 

"Good,” you agree, lifting your head from his shoulder and slipping from the dryer once it stops shaking. “Because that’s the only one you’re getting." 

"Only one I need, baby.” Another shrug, and he leans back and watches you with those darkened eyes and sharp jaw and cheeky smile as you pull your clothes from the dryer. 

He walks you home that day, carrying most of your clothes because you complained about your arms hurting and apparently he skipped gym this week, so he deserved it. It’s another oddly domestic encounter, with Jungkook carrying your laundry basket and cracking jokes, and more than just you can definitely see that, if the glances you were receiving as you walk across campus were anything to go off. 

•••

 You could never truly escape your own thoughts. Even when something wasn’t particularly bothering you your mind would conjure an essay (or two) on why you couldn’t possibly relax until everything was certain. 

And at the moment, your mind was pushing your thoughts to two fronts. On one end, you were beating yourself up for the decisions you’d made in the past month (or in the past few months, more like), chastising yourself because whatever inkling of fondness that you were aware was growing for Jeon Jungkook in your chest was not good news. You were so torn between wanting them to stop and not minding when they grew. 

On the other end, you were quite… satisfied with where you were going. You (using the term very lightly) liked Jungkook (a bit, you guess) and you were certain that he liked you. He was a devil with his mouth and his hips could go at speeds you didn’t think were possible — and when his fingers pressed against your throat? Yes, please. He was the best lay you’ve had in weeks. You were just uncertain as to how long he could entertain himself with you for, and if you could handle whatever feelings were sprouting inside you before he inevitably broke things off. 

Jeon Jungkook was Jeon Jungkook, after all, and you weren’t going to humour yourself with the idea of ‘taming’ him, or something along those lines — even though (and you would never admit it) you wanted to. You and Jungkook, despite your petty arguing and competitiveness, were compatible in a way that nobody else was to you. And that both irritated you and made your heart flutter, albeit reluctantly. 

Trying to distract yourself once again, you switch on your phone, scrolling through your timeline boredly but itching to enter your chat with Jungkook again. The last thing that had been sent was your photo and message. 

Every once in a while, when a post of his would pop up, you would humour yourself with rolling your eyes at every fake-deep caption and scoffing inwardly at his attempts at jokes (which are actually funny, but again, you weren’t about to admit that to anyone). The one post that draws the most attention from you is a completely black photo, but the caption is what interests you: 

u ever wanted to b w someone so bad that u miss them even when uve spent most of ur time thinkin about them or with them?

Out of interest, your eyes flicker to the date the post was put up, only to recoil when you realised it was put up mere hours ago. 

The first comments you see are from another one of Jungkook’s friends, Jung Hoseok. Sounds like love to me bro 👀👀.

Shit, u rite, Jungkook had replied, the words sending your heart into a frenzy. He couldn’t be… possibly… referring to you? Or was it all just wishful thinking? 

But never mind what you decided it was, because quite literally a few seconds after contemplating the matter your phone buzzes, and an Instagram notification swings down onto the top of your screen. 

goldenboi97 [12:41]: u up? 

You bite your lip, wondering if you should reply and what with. It normally wasn’t this hard to talk to him but with the knowledge (or what you think is knowledge) of his feelings weighing down on your shoulders, you feel pressured to reply the way he expects you to reply — as if you should mould yourself into the person he sees you as. 

Don’t be stupid, you chide to yourself as you tap to open the chat fully. If he likes you so much he’ll take what he’s given.

goldengirl [12:41]: its like midday y would i still b sleeping 

goldenboi97 is typing… Your heart hammered and you shook your head, shaking your limbs to shake yourself from your funk. Why was it that when you weren’t directly with him the mere thought of him drowned you in your own nerves? Yet when you stood face to face it was like your brain forced you to become some confident, smooth-talking woman. 

goldenboi97 [12:42]: idk, u might be tired after running thru my mind all day 😏 

You huffed a laugh at the sheer corny-ness emanating from the text, rolling your eyes as you type out a reply. 

goldengirl [12:43]: just wondering how many times youve used that line tbh 

goldengirl [12:43]: Dont u get tired of tryna pick up girls. More specifically me 

You tap out of the conversation, scrolling through your explore page once more, liking photos and tagging your friends in certain posts. You almost miss the notification from Jungkook that comes just a few minutes later. 

goldenboi97 [12:44]: depends on if theyre u or not 

goldenboi97 [12:46]: its fun to use pick up lines on u 

goldenboi97 [12:46]: besides baby u love them 

You stare at the screen for a second, trying to ignore the shiver sent up your spine at his pet name, or how he conveniently knew you that well. 

goldengirl [12:48]: shut uppp 

goldengirl [12:48]: u sound like a twelve year old 

He must still be in the chat, because the little seen pops up immediately below your texts. Once again, goldenboi97 is typing appears just below it.

goldenboi97 [12:48]: im ur 12 year old 

goldenboi97 [12:49]: aight that was cheesy ill show myself out 

goldengirl [12:49]: yeah lmao 

goldengirl [12:49]: its cute tho 

Shit, shit, shit. You were absolutely not meant to type that. Your whole body seizes up and locks as you stare in horror at the three dots that tease you once more, before disappearing off of the page for a good minute until they make another appearance. In the meanwhile, your mind races with the possibilities of what he could be typing, or thinking. 

goldengirl [12:50]: i mean like not in a romantic way in a completely platonic way 

goldenboi97 [12:50]: youre adorable 

goldenboi97 [12:50]: but i guess in a completely platonic and not at all romantic way at ALL 

goldenboi97 [12:51]: not romantic. Nope 

It takes everything you have to not squeal into your pillow at his insinuations. You’ve never been the type of girl to get so excited over a boy, nevermind the type of boy that Jungkook was, but you’re too preoccupied to care. 


“What the fuck are you doing, Jeon,” Jungkook murmurs in frustration, a hand swiping up his face and through his hair. The source of his vexation stares back at him, illuminating his face with white light. 

I kinda like u and i know what we’ve had has been exclusively sexual but idk. That’s what typed into his text bar, and the enter button is haunting him. God, the weight it’d take off his shoulders if he just sent the damn text, but contrary to popular belief, Jungkook did actually have fears: rejection from a girl he seriously likes is one of them. 

“What’s wrong?” Taehyung speaks up from across the room, glancing up from his own phone. His head lifts from where it was resting on his hand and a teasing smile graces his lips. “You get curved?” 

“Nah,” Jungkook mutters, flipping his phone between his hands. “About to though, probably.” 

“Do tell,” Taehyung urges, plopping his phone down in a way that tells Jungkook that he isn’t going to be leaving until Taehyung knew every detail. 

“Nothing to tell,” Jungkook grunts, shrugging nonetheless. “I’m trying to talk up this girl. She’s more than likely gonna turn me down.” 

The thought made him sick. How was he supposed to tell you his feelings without sounding like a hypocritical idiot? How would he convince you to believe him? 

God, a few months ago the idea of this would’ve made him laugh. It was always easy for him to pick up and drop girls like they were nothing — he had no clue of what was different about you but if the thoughts of you constantly plaguing his mind and the thumping of his heart when you were around was anything to go on, he was sure that he liked you. A lot. 

“You seem more bothered with that than you should be.” 

“Yeah,” Jungkook agrees, staring quietly at the sentence just waiting to be sent, his thumb hovering nervously over the enter button. “I am.” 

(He doesn’t end up sending the message for one reason and one reason only: fear.) 


“You and Jungkook seem to be chatting an awful lot,” Rose comments as another notification lights up your screen. You shrug, pretending to brush it off while you set your fork on the edge of your plate and reply to his text. “That’s it? A shrug?" 

"What do you want?” You mumble distractedly, before you put your phone back and return to devouring your pancakes. “There’s nothing to tell.”

 Rose’s eyes narrow as she reaches behind her to another table to steal their maple syrup, pouring a generous amount over her plate. “I’m just saying that it’s weird how you hated him just, like, three weeks ago." 

"Yeah." 

"And now you’re texting and stuff. I just don’t want you to get into something without knowing what’s really going on. You could get hurt." 

"Thanks for caring,” you say sincerely, “but I’m a big girl. I know what I’m getting into." 

She hums suspiciously, playing with her fork. "If this turns out bad I’m gonna tell you I told you so—" 

"You ladies want anything else?” A voice asks suddenly, drawing your attention from Rose and her lecture. It’s a decently tall man, with tanned skin and a small nose and a beaming smile that’s much too bright for this time of morning. He looks weirdly familiar, but you try not to creep him out with staring. “Coffee? Extra pancakes?" 

"Um, we’re good,” Rose replies nicely, smiling. She glances at you as you finish the last morsel of food on your plate. “Actually, can we get the bill?" 

"Bill?” He echoes, a brow raising. He shakes his head, slyness slinking into his smile. You’re startled when his eyes settle on you. “For Kookie’s girl? It’s fine — on the house.” J

ung Hoseok — that’s why he was so bloody familiar looking. He was one of Jungkook’s buddies, close enough for Jungkook to think of him as a brother — but that wasn’t relevent at the moment when all you could think about is the odd mixture of elation, confusion, embarrassment and horror that takes control of your body. 

“Me? Jungkook and I— we—” You splutter uselessly, gaping as Hoseok winks and begins to turn. “I am not Jeon Jungkook’s girl—!" 

Rose places a hand over yours frantically. "Stop! We’re getting free breakfast!”

 You deflate, pouting as Rose gathers her things before you too get ready to leave, head still swimming from what you were feeling. 

(You coincidentally don’t confront the giddiness that you felt at the thought of being Jungkook’s, but that’s another story for another day.) 


 It feels like forever since Jungkook has actually attended a lecture. They weren’t mandatory for this class, after all, and with them being first thing in the morning he more often than not opted to sleep in rather than haul his ass to class. If it weren’t for Jin, actually, he’d still be in bed instead of a crowded lecture hall, filled to the brim with the tired, coffee-fueled zombies that were his fellow college students. 

He’s slumped onto his desk, laptop bright and unused in front of him. Chatter drifted through the air with every minute that passed without the professor, and although he was sat beside friends and could spot many a familiar face within the room, he was too tired to begin a conversation. And he really wasn’t planning to, because Jin had already spoken to him about his temper, but when he heard the two snot nosed boys talking a few rows in front of him, he couldn’t help himself. 

She’s got a tight ass. You see her at Jackson’s last party? Was this close from goin’ up to her and taking her home—

Everyone was, bro. Jeon’s one lucky fucker — if she was mine, though, I wouldn’t be so open-handed with her—

"Good thing she’s not though, huh?” Jungkook called gruffly, jaw clenched and eyes narrowed. He sees them stiffen, throwing their eyes behind them to see who had eavesdropped on their conversation. They shift uncomfortably as Jungkook continues, “Next time you decide to talk ‘bout how much you wanna fuck someone make sure their fuckin’ man isn’t in the room, huh?”

Their cheeks are flushing red as they turn back to the front of the room. Jungkook was about to continue if it wasn’t for the hand that pats his arm, stirring him from his anger. Taehyung raises an eyebrow warningly, sending Jungkook a weird look that makes the younger man huff and pull his arm away, only muttering, “They’re fuckin’ disgusting." 

Taehyung moves to open his mouth but he’s interrupted by the professor — an excellently timed entrance that Jungkook sighs in relief for, knowing that he’s not ready for the conversation Taehyung was definitely going to initiate. 

He suffers for an hour and a half through the professor’s drawling and Taehyung’s curious looks, and by the time it’s time to leave he’s certain that he’s about to jump over every table and sprint as far away as he can. He packs away his laptop with the energy of one hundred toddlers with a sugar high, a spring​ in his step as he passes past his professor with a wave of his hand— 

"So it’s official?” Taehyung asks casually from besides Jungkook. Jungkook sighs in exasperation; in his rush to leave he hadn’t escaped his friend. “You and _____?" 

"Nothing’s confirmed,” he grumbles, unconsciously stopping when Taehyung stops to drink from a water tap. Jungkook puts his hands in his pocket, eyes drifting leisurely over campus. “I don’t even know if she wants more than… Whatever we have." 

"That’s a stretch away from calling yourself her man, dude,” Taehyung whistles, lifting his mouth momentarily, “Whatever, though. Listen, Jimin’s having another get together tonight. Somethin’ small—" 

"By small, you mean at most a hundred, right?” Jungkook huffs a laugh, leaning against the wall next to Taehyung. “I’ll be there. Probably." 

"You should bring ‘your girl’,” Taehyung snickers, grinning devilishly. Jungkook hides an annoyed smile, still focused on his surroundings. The fountain in the centre of campus, spewing crystal water that sparkled in the sunlight. A group of people playing frisbee like they were on the cover of a college brochure. Namjoon obviously trying to chat you up. A crow eating what was left of a student’s sandwich— 

Wait, what? 

Eyebrows knitting together, Jungkook turned his attention back to what had caught his eye. Sure enough, across the gigantic fountain and even then, a few metres beyond that, was you and Namjoon. You were obviously uncomfortable, tugging on your bag strap nervously at the man in front of you. Jungkook could see from his body language that Namjoon was desperately trying to seduce you, with how bit his lip, or gazed down at you darkly. It made Jungkook sick to his stomach, so much so that he doesn’t even notify Taehyung when he strides away from him and towards you. 

“—had a good time. Maybe you could come over tonight — have a continuation…?” Jungkook’s reminded of how horrible Namjoon was in bed and the very fact that he’s asking for another night when he didn’t satisfy you and left right after he came made Jungkook scoff internally. He was in no place to ask for another night. 

“I—I can’t,” you were saying, fake sincerity pushing into your tone of voice, “I gotta study for for his test—" 

"I’ll help you study,” Namjoon interrupted flirtatiously, leaving no room for argument, “I got top of my class last year. I’ll be sure to get you a good grade—" 

"Hey, baby,” Jungkook swooped in, swinging an arm around your shoulder and pressing a kiss to your cheek. You jolt, but the relief that shows on your face is clear amidst the confusion. It makes him even more irritated at the oblivious man in front of him, but for your sake, he brushes it off. “I haven’t seen you all week. Missed you, baby." 

Namjoon’s face was the epitome of confusion. He watched, eyes narrowed and arms folded as Jungkook pecked the tip of your nose before he turned to him, smiling boyishly. "Hey, Joon. What were you and my girl talking about?" 

His words were friendly but his voice told a different tale. You didn’t seem to mind, though, unconsciously burrowing deeper into his side and interlocking fingers with the hand that hung from your shoulder. Namjoon smiles wildly, no emotion reaching his eyes. 

"Nothing, nothing. Just, uh, offering to help her study. I actually have to go now, so—" 

Jungkook doesn’t even attempt to make it look as if he’s reluctant to see Namjoon go, going as far as to roll his eyes when the man was finally facing away from him. Childish, maybe, but it was the only way he could express his annoyance without starting a fight. When the source of his unpleasant mood has finally disappeared from sight, he sighs in relief, peering down at you. "You okay? Dude wasn’t easing up on you." 

"I know,” you agreed readily, “He really just… Did not get any of my signals… Thanks for stepping in, though — you really didn’t have to." 

"Course I did.” He frowns. “I… guess I just don’t like seeing you uncomfortable." 

At the mention, he slowly slinks his arms away, missing the furrow of your brows when his fingers unlink from yours. Coughing awkwardly, he looks passed you and spots Taehyung, pointing at you and mouthing something vigorously. Ass — no, ask — hair — her to the party

He rolls his eyes at his flailing friend but turns to you anyway, trying to steady what semblance of nerves he felt. "Listen,” he began, catching your eye, “Uh, Jimin’s having another party or whatever. You wanna go? With me? Or I mean, you could just — go without me, but see me there if you get what I mean—" 

"I really can’t,” you say, wincing. “I wasn’t lying when I said I had to study. But maybe another time, yeah?" 

"U-uh, yeah." 

"Great, golden boy,” you tease, a smirk settling onto your features. “I gotta go, text me later or something?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook calls after you when you turn on your heel, soon far enough to not hear him or the disappointment hidden in his voice, “I’ll… Definitely do… That…”

 "That was rough.“ Taehyung winces pitifully as he appears beside Jungkook, patting his friend’s arm in encouragement. "Look on the bright side, though! She asked you to text her later." 

"Everybody says that,” Jungkook grumbles, finally moving his eyes from where you disappeared minutes before. He fidgets with the strap of his bag uncomfortably, desperately wishing that he didn’t look as pouty as he felt. “I need to talk to her — I can’t do it over text." 

"She won’t be studying all night.” Taehyung shrugged, nudging Jungkook to start walking. “Just go to her place or somethin’." 

Jungkook frowned. He’s been alone with you so many times and seen you at your most vulnerable, but somehow actually going to your place without any ulterior motive felt very, very intimate to him. It’s then that he’s struck with the severity of his feelings — the realisation that this has never happened to him and that he’s completely unprepared makes him uncomfortable; but maybe that’s why he has to do this. If he wants to get serious with you he’s going to have to step out of his comfort zone. Maybe he would pay you a visit. 


 It takes a few hours for your heart to stop fluttering at the thought of what happened — which is annoying, to say the least, because you’re supposed to studying and you can’t when you find yourself smiling to yourself whenever your mind wanders. Damn Jungkook. Even when he wasn’t around he was driving you crazy. 

The way he sauntered up so confidently, the possessiveness that hid in his voice when he addressed Namjoon… You were surprised you remained composed throughout the whole thing. He was the first person that you had experienced such an intense feeling with, and you weren’t completely opposed. 

With Jenny gone to Rose’s place for the evening, you have to have some sort of background noise — Love Galore by SZA fills the silence calmly, pushing you to open your books and start studying. So focused on your work you don’t see your phone lighting up multiple times; and, unbeknownst to you, across the city the very fact that you hadn’t noticed was instilling anxiety in the same man that had been driving you insane. 

"She’s not answering,” Jungkook mumbles, thumbing his screen, “She hasn’t even read it yet." 

Taehyung, in all his drunken glory, sways dangerously, smile delirious and wide. With his arm hazardously placed around Jungkook’s neck and a red cup clutched in his hand, he looks completely in his element. The only thing he was missing was his partner in crime, who was too preoccupied with pouring over his phone instead of drinking. 

"Put down your phone,” Taehyung hiccups, “And pick up a drink, my friend! The night is young! We are young—!" 

"Do you think she’ll mind if I show up randomly?” Jungkook mutters to himself, chewing his lip anxiously. 

Taehyung gives a dramatic groan, sinking into the couch beside Jungkook. “I’m sick of this. Where’s your confidence gone? You’re Jeon Jungkook. You shouldn’t have to go to her. She should come to you." 

"I am,” the man himself replies, still uncertain but much steadier. “I… I am." 

"You could have any girl in her right now!” Taehyung continues, crowing loudly, “That girl over there’s been giving you the eyes for the last hour. Every time Kang Seulgi passes by she stares at you! You’re. Jeon. Jungkook." 

"You know what? I’m gonna go talk to her right now,” Jungkook begins determinedly, “If I hurry, I’ll catch the bus—" 

"That’s — that’s not what I was trying to encourage—” Taehyung begins. 

“I’ll see you later,” Jungkook says, almost forgetting his jacket on the back of the couch. Across the room, he catches Jimin’s eye; he raises a hand in farewell, receiving a smile in return. He was too busy chatting up some girl, anyway, so there was no point interrupting him. Despite the fact that this was a quote unquote 'small party’, the house was teeming and hard to navigate — Jungkook’s become an expert of sorts when it comes to this though, and finds himself bursting into the cool night just five minutes later. 

Teeth chattering, Jungkook hugs his arms closer to himself as he waits for the bus with what little change he happened to have in his jeans. $2.38. That would get him to your dorm, but it definitely wouldn’t get him home. If everything went according to plan, though, he wouldn’t have to go home anyway. 

The bus ride is silent, letting Jungkook mull over his thoughts and his nerves bubble. The only other people on the bus are an old lady that doesn’t seem to be getting off anytime soon and a man wearing a tracksuit and eating pizza, so he has no distractions. 

When he’s approaching your dorm building, it’s only then that the doubt emerges amongst his confidence. What if you happened to leave to the grocery store right before he arrived? What if you had taken up Namjoon’s offer and he didn’t know? What if he completely misread the signs and you didn’t want anything more like he did? 

All his worries melt away when your door opens. The first thing he’s hit with is the sound of music, and then he registers your figure. Your head is leaning against the door frame, body covered with a large hoody and hair piled on top of your head (maybe he gapes for a second, but don’t tell anyone). 

“Jungkook?” You ask curiously, “What are you doing here? I thought Jimin was having a party?" 

"I—I texted,” he stutters, ignoring your question with a lick of his lips, “I need to talk to you." 

“Oh. Okay.” The confusion is clear in your voice but you open your door wider anyway, and he passes by you. He walks into your living room, acknowledging the books splayed out on the coffee table as you shut the door. “I’m sorry I didn’t see your texts. I was, um…" 

"Studying.” He shoots you a small smile. “I know." 

"Yeah,” you say breathily, sitting yourself opposite him. For a second you just look at him, taking in his appearance absentmindedly, almost forgetting that it wasn’t socially acceptable to just stare at him for 30 seconds straight. “Oh, so — uh, what did you want to talk to me about?" 

"Us, actually.” He hides the gulp that follows, forcing himself to not fidget nervously. He watches your expression carefully, taking note of the emotions that run over your features; confusion, nervousness, anxiety… 

“I’m gonna be completely honest,” he begins with a nervous laugh and cough, hand running over the back of his head. “I’ve never done this before. Like, never. I’ve never been interested in anything more than — than drunken fucks in someone else’s house and it’s confusing as shit but I’ve decided to confront myself on… On, I don’t know, why I want more." 

He doesn’t risk a peek at your face. Not until he’s done. 

"I’m tryna get everything out so it probably seems rushed and messy as fuck or whatever but that’s that only way I know how to do this so I’m just gonna get on with it and say that I like you. Like, a lot—" He doesn’t need to look up to know that you’re opening your mouth to speak— "Just — just wait a second, okay? 

"So we had our whole thing where we tried to rile each other up and see who caved first. And it was fun, it was something different and I appreciated that you could see the playful side of it, you know? I wasn’t lookin’ for anything serious so I liked that and I still do but somewhere along that fucked up line I… God, how do I say this without sounding cheesy? I started liking you. In a completely non-sexual and completely romantic way. 

"And I know you may not trust me.” He bites his cheek, eyes focused on his clasped hands. “99% of our entire campus wouldn’t trust me, fuck, I wouldn’t trust me — you have absolutely no reason to and I know I’m rambling but the truth is that I’m too scared to stop talking because you might reject me. I just—” He takes a deep breath, finally meeting your eyes— “I want to make us official.”

 His heart is thumping. The adrenaline that buzzes in his limbs makes it hard to focus on anything except the beating in his chest and the flow of his breath into his body. It amplifies every sensation in him and it takes every nerve in his body to stop him from jumping up and pacing. 

“Jungkook…” God, you sound so shocked. Was he really that much of a fuckboy? Who was he kidding; of course he was. “I… I really don’t know what to say…" 

"I — I can give you time, if you want,” he offers quietly, even though he’s hoping that you’ll give his answer right now.

 "I don’t need time.“ You meet his eyes, before you stand from your seat and maneuver around your coffee table. His heart leaps into his throat when you drop onto his lap, leaving you suddenly nose to nose and forehead to forehead. "I don’t think I do, at least." 

"You got an answer?” Jungkook breathes, happiness already tugging at his heart. 

“I do,” you mumble back, smiling sheepishly. “I was… I was too scared to tell you that I wanted to make us official. I heard that as soon as it’s mentioned you bolt and I… I didn’t want to scare you away." 

And he looks into your eyes — really looks — and he’s hit with a sensation so powerful that it almost takes his breath away. He could never put it into words, could never exactly describe it, but it made him feel as if he needed you, so much so that you could never be close enough to him, despite being sat on his lap with your arms on his shoulders and his on your hips. It’s with this sensation still thrumming in his bones that he grasps your jaw and pulls you down to meet his lips, effortlessly locking into place like you were made for each other. 

You release a content sigh against his lips, melting against him seconds later, threading your hands through his dark locks and savouring the feeling of his lips on yours. To finally call him yours was a totally different sensation in itself, but to kiss him so deeply as you had never before was overwhelming. You both had tried to avoid the intimacy of sharing too many kisses during your previous escapades, so it was probably the first time you’d kissed him this long.

 "As much as I’d love to fuck you right here, right now,” Jungkook panted as he pulled away, lips swollen and pupils blown, “You have a test tomorrow—" 

"I can retake it,” you murmur, leaning forward. “Besides, if I have to take the test with you on my brain I’m not going to be able to focus—" 

"You’re making excuses." 

"I am,” you agree, pecking his lips a few more times. You stop to meet his eyes, cocking your head to the side. “But what really matters now is if you’re going to fuck me like you said you wanted to." 

He narrows his eyes, and you can tell that he’s fighting within himself on what to do. Ultimately, his tempation must get the best of him and he’s left cursing to himself as he pulls you back down again. 

"You’re too convincing for your own good,” he murmurs, his hand slipping underneath your hoodie and leaving goosebumps in its wake. He toys casually with the band of your bra, letting it snap against your back. 

“And you love it.” You diverge your kisses from his lips, to the sharpness of his jaw and down across the expanse of his neck. You finally had enough time to leave marks like you wanted to; you weren’t consumed with mindless or drunken lust like the other times you’d been together, and you found it much more gratifying this way. 

You freeze when a breathy moan catches your attention — the result of a particularly hard nip at his pulse point, one that was sure to bruise. You’re sure he can feel the devilish smile that unfurls across your lips when you follow up your first one with many more. “A-ah. Let me have a go, b-baby." 

"Can’t you let me have my fun?” You pout playfully. Nevertheless, you roll over until you lay propped up against the cushions on the couch, allowing Jungkook to position himself over you. Hiking a leg around his waist, he lowers himself until the softness of his lips makes contact with your throat. The feeling of him ghosting over the sensitive skin has your breath hitching, but you manage to stop yourself from showing any other signs of pleasure with a tug of your bottom lip between your teeth. 

“Gonna mark you up,” Jungkook mutters, almost to himself, “Make everyone know whose you are." 

I’m sure everyone already knows, you plan to say, but you’re cut short when Jungkook sucks intensely on a certain area. It’s most definitely going to bruise, with how he’s nipping and tugging and sucking the skin into his mouth like his mouth depends on it. 

"I can’t wait,” you grumble, both hating and loving how he he’s taking his time with you. “Hurry up—" 

"You can wait,” he responds, but he raises himself to his knees anyway, stopping to admire his work. “You just don’t want to. Maybe I’ve spoiled you too much." 

"You haven’t spoiled me enough,” you retort. With a quick wriggle, you’ve thrown the gigantic hoodie you’d been wearing over your head and onto the floor, leaving you in a mismatched pair of underwear that Jungkook stares too long at. “What? Do you know how hard it is to maintain matching underwear?" 

"It’s not that.” He shakes his head, and you catch a sheepish grin before it’s covered when he removes his black t-shirt. “You’re cute, is all." 

"I could say the same.” You grin coyly, sitting up for a second to undo the clasp of your bra. Pride fills you when you catch him licking his lips at the sight of your bare chest, and while you’d usually tease him about it, you were equally as far gone — it was taking a lot of effort to not run your hands all over the muscular plane of his chest, to paint it bouquets of red and purple… 

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” he hums, surprising you by suddenly dropping down and placing his lips to your stomach. You run your hands softly through his hair, gazing affectionately down at him as he kisses all over you. “I still want to take my time." 

You rolled your eyes, but didn’t complain. Having him slow down made the atmosphere much more intense, more intimate. It didn’t feel like you were about to fuck — it felt like you were about to— 

Makin’ love, love, we makin’ love.“ You hear him sing the words underneath his breath, in perfect pitch to Dean’s voice that was echoing throughout the room. You never knew he could sing, but even from those few seconds you’re already hooked. 

"You’re a good singer,” you whisper. His head shoots up, as if he hadn’t meant for you to hear him — but at the sight of your smile, he relaxes, smiling in embarrassment. You smooth your thumb over his locks of hair as he gets lower, and lower, until he’s kissing your clothed pussy and sending tremors of anticipation running through your body. 

Ah." You’re caught off guard when he presses his thumb against your clit through your underwear, rubbing back and forth. Instantly, shocks of pleasure shake your nerves, pushing you to begin rolling your hips towards his hand. He watches leisurely, allowing you to grind against him until a wet patch decorates your underwear. 

"Let’s get these off,” he mutters, sitting on his haunches to slip them down your legs. He dives down right after, setting to work on using what wetness seeped from you as a lubricant to rub at your bundle of nerves. “Gotta get you nice and warmed up for me, baby." 

"I’m ready,” you whine impatiently. Your actions betray your words, though, with how you desperately buck your hips against his hand, grappling for something to hold onto, “We can take it slow another time— fuck!" 

Jungkook took your clit between his lips, flexing his jaw as he suckled it deliciously. His large hands pressed down against your hips, keeping you flush against the couch as he worked his magic. You could feel yourself dripping, no doubt making a mess underneath you, but your mind was too frazzled to care. The lewd sounds coming from his mouth paired with the warmth settling on your skin had your cheeks heating up, your breath catching in your throat as a result. "S—shit, Jungkook…”

 "Almost there, baby,“ he said, voice muffled against you. "Just a bit more and you’ll be ready for me, huh?" 

The response he gets comes in the form of a groan, one that makes him grin against you. Only a few more minutes of tortuously slow pleasure pass, fire building gradually in the pit of your stomach, so close yet so far from the thing you want most —before he lifts himself, wetness covering his chin and cheeky grin at the sight of you floundering against your couch. Standing, he pushes his jeans to the ground. "You got a condom for me, baby?" 

Your hand fumbles to rummage through the drawers on the underside of the coffee table, a place where you and Jennie stuffed anything and everything — bobby pins, hair ties, a chocolate bar, tonnes of paper, a packet of wipes — and, finally, a lone condom that you had shoved in in a panic when your parents came to visit and you needed to hide it quick. 

To Jungkook’s surprise, you rise to your knees and shuffle towards his standing form, tearing the plastic open and waiting expectantly for him to pull himself out of his briefs. "I can do it.”

“No, let me.” So he pulls himself out, mentally saving the image of you grasping his half-hard cock in his mind — especially when you lean forward, placing a teasing kiss on the very tip in a way that lets Jungkook know that you’re well aware of the effect you have on him. Seconds later and he’s covered, standing tall and proud against his stomach. 

“How do you want it, my girl?” He murmurs, peering down to meet your eyes. His hand grips your jaw firmly, forcing you to hold the contact. Licking your lips, you gaze up at him coyly.

 "I want to ride you.“ 

And he’s quick to oblige — grasping your hips and swapping your positions until he sits underneath you and you kneel over him, leaning back and letting you take the wheel. You sink down on him with a guttural groan just a minute later, unable to look away from him and the furrow of his brows, the clench of his jaw, the rise of his chest. He fills you in a way nobody else ever has, a way that makes your stomach twist in a good way. 

When the first inklings of sensitivity ease away to something more bearable, you begin to rise and fall. Your hands cling to the muscle of his shoulders, as if your pleasure increases with the amount of him you touch — and you could see the self control within his eyes leaving with each passing second, with each clench of you around him, every tug of your fingers in his hair, every smack of skin that fills the room. 

"So — f-fuckin’ — beautiful,” Jungkook murmurs, running his hands over your body in awe. If you weren’t so preoccupied, you would’ve blushed, or smiled bashfully, but the only thing you can do in the heat of the moment the only thing you can do is yank him closer and give him the sloppiest kiss you’ve ever given. He likes it though, if the deep groan that rumbles within his chest is anything to go by. “Shit." 

Your hips are getting sore from moving so quickly but you have to satisfy the throbbing pleasure that had settled and was growing deep within you, whether it made you black out or lose feeling in your limbs or scream. You weren’t far off, anyway, with the pants and groans that Jungkook was pulling from you expertly, with the fingers that were rolling your sensitive nipples or the occasional soft pulls of your hair, or even when he pressed against your throat just right— 

Suddenly, he grasps your thighs and stills you, drawing noises of protest from you until he pulls your forehead to his shoulder and winds his arms around you, making you as compact as possible. One hand on your ass and the other on the back of your head, he begins to buck his hips into you in the completely right spot, saturating your nerves with pleasure so white-hot that you can’t find it within yourself to make any sounds. You sit, limp against him, taking whatever he was giving you. 

The feeling of him completely surrounding you warmed you up from the inside out. His arms, warm and heavy 'round your body, his shoulder pressed against your face, his cock drilling inside you, his pelvis grinding against your clit— fuck— 

"Jungkook,” you whimper, voice muffled by his shoulder, “I—I—" 

"That’s okay, baby,” he grunts, sounding just s wrecked as you felt, “That’s okay. Let yourself go — cum all over me, come on—" 

The last thing that you remember before blacking out is too much pleasure to handle and your own breathlessness, then the sound of Jungkook’s final groans in your ear as he finishes right after you. 


 "You’re telling me that you fucked me so hard I passed out?" 

Jungkook shrugs, but the pride is clear on his face. "I knew I was amazing, but this is a whole other level." 

"I was probaby tired,” you grumble, burying your face into his chest. “So shut up." 

Jungkook hums, letting you both fall into silence. It must’ve been an hour or two since you finished, since the digital clock seemed to be telling you that it was nearing 4AM. You woke up completely clean and dressed in your hoodie again, laying flat against Jungkook’s chest. It was then that he filled you in — humour lacing his voice, he told you of how you had slumped onto him when you came, how he had cleaned you with the wipes hidden in the coffee table and then dressed you. He made you eat a cup of instant ramen before he let you lay down again, saying something about having to replenish yourself. 

"What happens now?” You ask seconds later, lifting your head. “Between us, I mean." 

That evil little part of your brain was telling you that this was a hoax. Jungkook had finally tricked you into sleeping with him again and you had lost because you believed him. It was telling you that Jungkook was going to up and leave like he did with all the other girls and go boast to his equally as bad friends. 

Jungkook shrugs. "I told you — I don’t know how to go about this 'boyfriend’ stuff. But—” He pulls your hand from your side, linking your fingers together— “I can learn, right?" 

Your heart soars, and you grin, nodding. "Definitely." 

So that was the story of how you really did dismantle The Fuckboy Scheme — albeit, not how you planned, but when Jungkook burrows his face into your neck and falls asleep there you can’t find it in yourself to care.

 ("What the FUCK!" 

"Jennie!” You gasp, almost falling from the couch had it not been for Jungkook’s grasp on your hand. Said girl stands in the doorway to your apartment, eyes wide and shocked and horrified and a billion other things you couldn’t hope to identify. “I-it’s not what it looks like?" 

"It looks like you and Jeon fucked on our couch—!" 

"We did,” Jungkook chimes in, smiling brightly. 

“You’re not helping—” You hiss, slapping his chest, only for him to catch your hand in the process. 

Jennie watches with a wrinkled nose and folded arms. “I’m only saying this because you’ve walked in on me and Rose so many times, but I’m letting you off this once." She struts towards her bedroom then, mumbling about 'kids these days’ and 'horn dogs’. 

"That…” Your eyes narrow. “Was better taken than expected.”

 "It’s because we’re adorable.“ Jungkook shrugs, before he yanks you down with what must be all of his strength and cages you against him. "Let’s go to sleep, please. I’m still tired and after that amazing orgasm I’m sure you are too—" 

"If I had the strength I would slap you so hard right now." 

"Sure you would." 

But you’re already asleep, and Jungkook follows almost instantly — and it’s the first time he’s fallen asleep with a smile on his face.)

anonymous asked:

in your opinion, what were the yoonmin moments that you think most obvious? (sorry my english isnt good)

endplate king: yoongi and jimin were ruthless to one another, but you could still see how soft yoongi is for little jiminnie

stop coming up to my bed: self explanatory

this whole interview: i feel like this was the first time we properly got to see some sort of change in ym’s relationship since they’re just so playful here, jimin’s so casual with yoongi and yoongi shows a lot more affection towards him than he usually does (and also yoongi comforting/praising/massaging jimin after he gets cut off at 06:38 is gold)

chicken dates: not just the fact that they go on chicken dates together, but jimin was so weird about it when he mentioned it

you know / i know: tae and hobi were teasing him as usual but then jimin was so shy and soft and ??? what does yoongi Know that jimin can’t say on camera

i spent all night talking with jiminnie: look at him smiling so fondly,,, and the dvd caption makes it even better: ‘they’re stuck together every day, why do they have so much to say (to each other)’

i once went to suga hyung’s house: we all joked that he would and then he really DID

mama 2016: they were so playful the whole night and the only time they separated was when they were on stage…

yoongi not being able to stop talking about how hot jimin is: also self-explanatory

the way jimin missed yoongi during his absence: nobody asked him to carry around the stand/fan in his place but he did anyway. and he was so happy to have him back too 

min yoonji: this whole episode was just wild and he was so flustered the whole time

4

Ravager boys completely refuse to be impressed by deadliest cyborg-assassin in the universe who tried to kill them, keep on confusing her by treating her like a normal person.

Yeah, I think that’s a good caption.

I think, for my part, that it’s somehow absolutely beautiful that, without being present when the others do it, without knowing about it, all three of those (former) Ravagers are, ironically enough, exactly those who are the least impressed or intimidated by Nebula. They treat her like they treat everyone else, and that’s not something people usually do around Nebula. Peter keeps on joking and dorking around, not batting an eyelash, Kraglin is actually understanding towards her, and Yondu has, even after she shot him, enough reservations to warn her that it’s gonna hurt what she’s about to do.

Honestly, I bet Nebula is either annoyed, amused or just completely perplexed that those guys just don’t give a damn that she’s a) Thanos’ daughter, b) a dangerous assassin who is not amused ever and c) tried to kill them and could easily kill them even then.

It doesn’t matter to them, the things that have formerly defined her very being. How confusing must that be for her?

It seems to be a family trait, and I’m honestly laughing every time I notice it.

Okay, like, since clearly rattling off a bunch of racial stereotypes that exactly align with the portrayal doesn’t work on youse, let’s try this from another angle

Imagine you’re getting super into the Avengers. Your favorite character is Captain America! Everybody loves Steve Rogers, right? He’s a good-hearted soldier, goofy sense of humor, cocksure attitude that sometimes gets him in trouble, friends with most of the rest of the team

So, you decide to go into the Captain America tag on tumblr. You find one thing you can’t quite figure out: almost all the fanart has Steve drawn as a baby. He’s in his superhero outfit, with a diaper, and speaking in fractured baby-talk english, and it’s not really acknowledged by the fanart, but all the other Avengers are drawn normal except for Captain America, who’s drawn as a misbehaving two-year-old. I’m not talking “just some” of the fanart, I’m not talking “a lot” of the fanart, I’m talking “the vast majority.” I’m talking “you’ve gotta scroll for twelve minutes before you find a picture of Steve where he’s not a baby.”

And almost none of it is Steve-specific fanart: usually it’s fanart of Ant-Man and Pepper Potts, two characters who’ve never interacted with Steve in the movies, in funny little situations where they’re his parents and he’s a wiiiiild and crazy baby! And he’s undeniably a baby, he wears a diaper and rides in a stroller and throws temper tantrums

In a lot of the fanarts, Steve has an inexplicable obsession with Chicken Nuggets and Hamburgers. It’s such an integral part of the fanarts that it’s rare to find Captain America cosplays that don’t include at least one hamburger and an order of chicken nuggets. When you’re like “I’m confused, this doesn’t make sense,” people flood your inbox with “actually??? it’s because he’s american???? it’s a parody of americans god tumblr why do you have to get so offended over everything

In one scene in an avengers movie that lasts half a second, Steve is shown eating a burger. From this point on, anyone who expresses they’d like to see less of the fanart where he’s a burger-and-nugget-obsessed toddler gets flamed for days with messages saying “actually, he was shown eating a burger for 2 seconds in Avengers 6, so Subhuman Steve is basically canon!”

Oh, and that’s what the meme is called: “Subhuman Steve,” and it’s so prevalent that even Cap fanart that isn’t part of the Subhuman Steve meme has captions like “when you’re swole but you’re still subhuman”

And then when a few like-minded Captain America fans like you make blogs dedicated to your favorite character that explicitly DO NOT share Subhuman Steve content, they get constantly harassed for overreacting

And this is literally all the Captain America fanworks on tumblr for five months straight, and anyone who complains is sent anon hate and told to “learn to take a joke” even though the joke got old about two days after the first time it was made, and it has since been made 68,343 times without variation. And when you say the joke isn’t funny and is disrespectful to the character, they say “hey, isn’t this better than drawing porn of him?” even though almost all the fanart that isn’t Subhuman Steve is very explicit pornography

And that’s basically the Gremlin D.Va experience except that all the characteristics of Gremlin D.Va just coincidentally happen to be racist stereotypes frequently leveled against East Asian women

I was only going to write one sentence on this, but guess what happened.

Neil’s phone won’t stop ringing.

He’s had a tough day at the court, and all he wants to do is lounge around on the couch with Andrew and steal spoonfuls of his ice cream, but someone clearly has other ideas.

Nicky, the caller ID says.

Neil groans, but picks up the phone lazily, putting it on speaker before dropping it back onto the coffee table.

“Finally!” shouts Nicky, sounding exasperated. “Do you know what time it is where I am? I’ll tell you. It’s 2am.”

Neil rolls his eyes. “Nicky, you called me.”

“And I’ve called you fifteen times already. Learn to pick up your phone.”

“For once, I agree with him,” says Andrew, shoving Sir away from his ice cream with one hand as he holds his spoon aloft with the other.

“What’s up, Nicky?” asks Neil, making a grabbing motion at Andrew’s phone. Andrew sticks the spoon in his mouth and hands the device over with a roll of his eyes.

“I saw something online the other day,” Nicky’s saying. “It went viral.”

“Hm?” asks Neil, only half listening as he snaps a picture of Sir trying to reach for Andrew’s ice cream tub and starts to type out a caption.

He freezes a second later when Nicky shrieks, “Why didn’t you tell me you had an Instagram account for your cats?!”

“Uh, it’s not mine?”

“Don’t lie to me Neil, I could recognise those balls of fluff anywhere.”

Neil looks to Andrew, who shrugs and goes back to his ice cream, shooting King a glare where she’s peeking out from under an armchair, tail swishing wildly.

“It’s Andrew’s account,” says Neil with a sigh. “I’m posting from his phone right now.”

Nicky’s silent for a moment, then, “Andrew - Andrew - made an Instagram account for your cats. And posts from it. You’re joking. He doesn’t even use his own Twitter.”

“Say that to my face,” deadpans Andrew, but Neil can see a spark of mirth in his eyes.

“On second thought,” says Nicky. “I’m keeping Erik up. I’m going to go to sleep.”

“Gute Nacht,” chorus Andrew and Neil in sync, and Neil grins as he ends the call, finishes off the caption, and posts the photo. It accumulates five hundred likes in a matter of seconds. Nicky is among them.

“I can’t believe he hasn’t found your private Twitter account yet,” says Neil, grabbing Sir and cradling him in his lap.

Andrew’s lips twitch the slightest amount. “I give it a month.”