Rose Quartz’s reason for Steven
Now that ‘Storm in the Room’ has come and gone, I want to remind you of a line of dialogue from a very old episode.
Steven says this about Amethyst, which turns out to be true. We still see signs of it in the Amethyst arc where she pours herself into defeating Jasper. But I think this line is true for all quartzes.
Amethyst doesn’t wanna think about herself. She hates herself. It’s a miserable thing to think about. You can see the stark contrast with the Famethyst; they all have eachother to think about, which is why they’re so happy.
Jasper doesn’t wanna think about herself. Although she is full of herself, she’d rather be a part of anyone else. First Lapis, and then corrupted quartzes, if that’s what it takes.
Steven doesn’t wanna think about himself. He doesn’t wanna think about the expectations riding on him and all the horrible things he’s done and been through. He’d rather think about everyone else and what he can do for them.
And Rose was the same way. She didn’t wanna think about herself. She was always asking everyone else about themselves. Whenever she’s asked about herself, she either evades it entirely or delays it as long as possible. She dedicated herself to – quite literally – everyone else. Both the Crystal Gems, and the entire human race.
But it backfired. The rebellion caused a war, the war caused the destruction of so many gems (and maybe even humans), caused her to bubble Bismuth and shatter Pink Diamond, and who knows how many other awful, dreadful things.
She didn’t want that anymore. But she couldn’t escape it. She couldn’t just run away from it. But she couldn’t just NOT think about it.
Everyone around her was so unique, so full of life, so free of burdens … and she wanted that.
Rose Quartz wanted to be anyone other than herself.
She didn’t make Steven to escape her mistakes. She made him because she thought so little of herself. Because she knew, anyone in the world would be a better fit as the leader of the Crystal Gems than her.
She wanted to live life as someone who would know what to do. Someone who could be strong. Someone who could make the right decisions. Someone who could create good where all she created was bad. Someone that could set out to do what she never could; to save everyone. Someone that could be everything she wasn’t.
She can’t give Steven the answers because …
Steven is the answer.