this broke my heart into a million tiny pieces

I’m completely, absolutely, irrevocably in love with you.

I love you. And I think I’ve loved you since the day I started to get to know you. I remember talking to you over whatsapp for hours and hours into the night, and then moving on to phone calls, that also lasted hours and hours into the night.

My friends knew I loved you even before I ever did. I never thought for a second that I did until the day you told me you ran into the most beautiful girl, the girl of your dreams. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t as excited as I’d thought I would be, this was last May, 2015. When I asked her sit next to you and when she did, my heart broke into millions of tiny pieces, but I didn’t know why.

I remember the look on your eyes every time you saw her, I was happy for you, I really was. Because seeing you happy meant a lot more to me than my own happiness did. What I didn’t know was that I was completely enchanted by you.

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I hope that wherever you are, you are well.

I don’t wish death on you or a million heartbreaks or a life that would make you destined to fall in love with people who don’t love you back because I am not a bitter person.

And I don’t think there will ever be a day when I won’t think about how you broke my heart into a million tiny pieces and stepped on them on your way out but it’s getting better and I’m thinking about you less.

I just hope that one day you wake up, alone or with someone and you will watch the sunrise and make a cup of coffee and for no reason in particular you will think of me and you will feel like you can’t breathe as it hits you, it will come crashing into you and will knock the breathe out of you as you realise that you lost me. Out of all the girls in the world you will know that I was the only one who truly, deeply loved you. And you threw it all away.

—  and when that day comes I will be long gone.
I once fell in love with a girl who literally broke my heart into a million tiny pieces. But even after all the tears I still found myself in love with her . It was like no matter how many times she hurt me, I’d always find a reason to forgive her. Whenever people would tell me she was a shitty person I’d get mad and defensive. Like you don’t know her, she doesn’t mean to hurt me. I mean what do you expect she was my first everything. Literally she was my everything. I was so in love with her I never thought anything she did was wrong or I tried to justify all her actions. It took me awhile but eventually I realized I didn't deserve to be treated that way. Like it wasn’t okay. I realized that if she really did love me she wouldn’t of treated and hurt me the way she did. Sometimes loving somebody just isn’t enough. It just breaks my heat to see people bent out of shape over a person who isn’t worth shit. Nobody deserves that. You should be with somebody who wants to have you and treats you like you deserve to be treated. That acts like you put the stars in the sky and looks at you with no fear. Somebody who really loves you. Never forget indecision is in fact a decision. You deserve happiness, don’t settle for somebody who only has you around when it convenient for them.
—  mylifeasiblowit11
That's How It Is

Words: 5265
Pairing:
Phan
Genre:
angsty and fluffy toward the end??
Warnings:
so many warnings. swearing, anxiety, eating disorders, depression, suicide, self harm, sexual mentions(i think that’s all)
Synopsis: 
basically this

Prompt from this rad person: eatglitterglue

A/N:
ps i am aware this is not my best omg i’m sry

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This episode was absolutely perfect. The corresponding chapter, Chapter 318, is my personal favorite out of the entire series. It’s so beautiful, told from Komugi’s perspective, and uses speech bubbles on a black background to represent her blindness. I was wondering how they were going to translate that for this episode, and it was so well done, every bit as heartbreaking as in the manga. The voice acting was perfect, the dimness of the lighting giving us just enough that it kept that same tone while adding even more meaning to their last moments together. 

It’s hard to see, but Komugi is touching Meruem’s face. She knows now that he’s not physically human. But it doesn’t matter to either of them. Like Komugi says, she was born for that moment–to know Meruem and play gun-gi with him. And Meruem chose the human side of him over the ant side–he chose Komugi over everything else.

9) I lost my first tooth when I was six. Red pooled in the bottom of my mouth and I begged my mother to return to me what I had lost. That was the first time I’d learn about loss.

8) I was twelve, you were my first crush. Bubblegum breath and candy coated teeth. You lingered in the back of my mind for days, weeks. When I finally decided to tell you I was in like with you, I saw you giggling with her by the merry-go-round during recess. Why did you have to want her instead of me? 7) The second time I bled, it wasn’t from my gums. It was between my legs in the bathroom between classes. Crimson blood, clotted, stained my underwear. I didn’t understand then why the pain was so bad. But then I hadn’t really realized the cost of life.

6) The first time I fell in love we were in high school and 16 and you took me by the hand and drew a heart in my palm. Not the shape heart, but the shape of our fleshy hearts, mended together by flimsy thread. You brushed back my hair and whispered forever and ever in my ear. It wasn’t forever. If only I’d have known that then.

5) Being in love with you was like a mental illness I didn’t know I had. Like a silent beast, a tumor of the heart, it ripped my heart into a million shreds without me feeling a single thing. You see, I lost a part of me, to make room for you. If only I’d known you were going to tear my heart into a million tiny pieces that couldn’t be mended whole again, I would have made sure there was still enough room for me to grow after you were gone.

4) My heart broke wholly for the first time when you left. Why did you promise forever, when you were only temporary. I’m shattered and no amount of glue or honey laced kisses or sweet nothings whispered in my ear at the crack of dawn can ever heal me.

3) You’re still haunting me even though you buried all that remained of my fragile soul, deep where I couldn’t find it. My chest hurts. Give me back what belongs to me.

2) My heart broke all over again when I saw you with her. How are you able to move on so easily, when I am still torn into a million pieces? It’s not fair that this is easy for you and I’m sitting in a pool of my own tears. Or alcohol. I can no longer tell the difference anymore.

1) What if you never left? What if you still loved me? What if? What if?
—  Nine Lives by Nicole Moon
A picture of you two is just as bad as standing there watching whilst you two fall in love.
A picture makes you think all sorts of things:
Are they laughing at me for thinking I had a chance? Are they making all sorts of plans for their future together? Is he loving her when I’m sat in my room crying my eyes out as I listen to the sound of my heart shattering into a million tiny pieces?
—  E.B // a picture is all it takes
The Outsiders Book

me: this book changed my life and broke my heart into a million tiny pieces

me: *hands friend “The Outsiders”*

me: here read it

I never doubted him. I believed every single thing he told me. I truly believed that we would last forever, that we were soulmates. I believed him when he said I was his one and only, and that he wanted to marry me. I believed him when we were making cliche plans for a future together. I would have done anything for him. I can’t believe in true love anymore. I know what we had was real at one point, but it’s not anymore. I can’t let myself get that close to someone again; and then have them destroy my heart into a million tiny pieces. I gave him my everything, he knew me inside and out. And now we are strangers. It hurts so fucking bad, more than I thought was humanly possible.

However, although he broke my heart, I have realized something. I can be great on my own as well. I need to learn to love myself independently. And most importantly, I did not lose him. He lost me, because I loved him with every piece of my soul, I would have done anything for him, and he dropped that like it was nothing. He lost me.

—  you broke my fucking heart
6

#this broke my heart and shattered it into a million tiny pieces #this woman is his mother #all he wanted when he was younger was for her to fight for him #she was supposed to love him enough to protect him and stefan from their father #he spent years thinking she died only to find out that she didn’t die #and the first chance she has to go home and help his brother and be with her sons #she stands right in front of him and yanks her arm out of his grasp and tells him that these other people are her family #in this moment she is more concerned with them than going home with her own son #you can see how badly it hurts him #he feels abandoned all over again #to hear her say they are her family and refuse to leave with him #her son #then he snaps out of his hurt #he does what he always does #he fights to protect what he loves #he will protect HIS family even if he has to do it alone #stefan is and always has been his only true family #and he always protects the people he loves #even if it means he has to be the mother/father/brother all rolled into one #he will be that if that is what his family needs 

My review of episode 5x07

So many things to say… but first of all THANK YOU, thank you SO much! One hundred, a thousand, one million times thank you! No other show made me ever feel like this one, I’ve never loved a show like I love this one. Thank you to the writers, the actors, everybody who works to give us this. Thank you.

The episode is… wonderful… it left me speechless, it made me laugh, it made me cry… every emotion touched my heart so deeply!

I think it’s so meaningful that, in every possible universe, Danny Williams is the one who saves Steve McGarrett, one way or another… in this alternate reality by saving his John, preserving Steve from the horrible pain of losing his father, in the reality by being there and healing Steve, bringing light and purpose to him in one of his darkest moments.

Steve looking at the video, remembering his happy childhood… was sweet and heartbreaking and the same time… he has lost so much…

Steve and Danny meeting each other for the first time in the AU… we can’t see well, but I think they kept holding their hands after introducing themselves to each other!

Chin in the AU has the career growth he’d probably would have had if he hadn’t sacrificed everything to save his uncle… and he still has Malia.. the love of his life.

Jerry… oh God, Jerry… it was so sad to see him like that, alone and homeless… my sweet Jerry!

And Kono? Oh, we love so much more our real Kono…

What about the first scene in the car between AU Steve and Danny? AU Danny was quite disconcerting in this scene! Not as disconcerting as in the scene at the hospital, though! Oh my God! He brought the whole “being an animal” thing to a whole new level. It was crazy!

Just a thought about Freddie… We know for a fact that he’s very much present in Steve’s subconscious, right? Steve has nightmares about what happened to Freddie, he feels so guilty, because he was forced to leave him behind, his PTSD is for a large part due to those events… so I really expected to see Freddie featured somehow in Steve’s allucinations… of course I’m only speculating, it’s just my theory, but what if we got an implicit mention of Freddie when Steve said “I’m seeing somebody”? He doesn’t say a name and I think it has been left up to our imagination for a reason.

It also makes a lot of sense that we got to see Jenna in Steve’s allucinations… her betrayal and her death marked him so deeply, plus her connection to Wo Fat gives even more sense to her being part of this AU. Deep down Steve knew since the beginning Wo Fat had everything to do with his kidnapping.

The torture scenes were… horrible… my poor Steve… I had to literally avoid looking at many of those, especially during the waterboarding parts…

Steve’s pain when he yells “She’s not your mother!”… he doesn’t want anything to do with Wo Fat… anything…

After this Wo Fat says he’s giving Steve “Something to help you tell the truth” and I think this is the point where the AU parts become more meaningful and more indicative of Steve’s subconscious… Steve is also forced to relive the staged death of Doris and I think this scene confirms that from here we get even deeper into the Steve’s character… he loses another piece of clothing, meaning that he’s being even more unvealed to us. At least it’s what I think…

We see the AU scene where Steve kills Wo Fat… the way he asks “what’d ever do to you”, with that broken voice… it’s like he’s asking him that in the reality… “why did you kill my father?…”

We see Danny asking Steve to stay… in the reality Steve was the one who did everything to have Danny beside him, “kidnapping him”, like Danny likes to say, in this AU Steve imagines that Danny is the one who asks him to stay, who wants him beside him. I love the way they look at each other in this scene.

And now… the scene where Wo Fat tells Steve the truth about his connection with Doris… let me say that Mark Dacascos did an awesome job at giving this cruel psycopath some touches of vulnerability…it’s a scene… well, saying it’s intense would mean underestimating it.

The fight scenes after that, especially the one between Steve and Wo Fat, of course, are amazing… the stunt crew and the actors made such an amazing job!

The Steve/Wo Fat fight scene culminates into Steve telling Wo Fat “you’re not my brother”, killing him and seeing, experiencing, for the last time, what Wo Fat took from him… being home with his father… this is where I started crying and I didn’t stop crying till the end of the episode…

The rescue scene… amazing… the way Danny says “Steve…”, sheer panic in his voice… Steve asking for his father… “I want to see my dad”… Danny forced to remind him the sad truth of John being dead… Steve realizing that and breaking into tears… God, my heart broke into a million tiny pieces…  the way he looks at Wo Fat for the last time… the end of a nightmare…

And then our hearts get to be soothed… in such a beautiful way… the Ohana behing there for Steve, all for one… one for all… that wonderful song, those wonderful scenes… I’m so so grateful for all of this… these emotions are so precious and so rare.. out of every show I’ve ever watched… out of ever show I will ever watch, I’m sure, only this one can give me this.

I want to spend some more words for Alex O’Loughlin… it always amazes me how good an actor he is… the way he conveys so many emotions, the way he gives life to this amazing character I feel so, so close to… His interpretation in this episode is great, beyond words.

 Thank you so much. And best wishes for the future…. Hawaii Five-0 deserves so much more success.

Ad maiora semper, show :)