pairing: theodore nott x hermione granger
setting: modern, non-magical, woke up married + fake dating au
word count: 1,436
written for: happy early birthday, kelly!!!!
notes: part two/ao3 link coming later this week :)
Theo meets Hermione J. Granger on a Monday.
She moves her shit into the cubicle right next to his, an ugly potted fichus plant and an “Inspirational Quotes of the Day” desk calendar and a trio of small ceramic cat statues that she claims are paperweights but never seem to move from their disgustingly tasteful antique perch above her computer monitor—and she’s bright-eyed and efficient and polite and almost pathological about following up on her follow-ups, about answering her emails on time and sending thank-you notes to the partners upstairs, and she’s annoying, she’s obnoxious, she takes one perfunctory, judgmental glance at the cases Theo’s chosen to work on and demands to know how he sleeps at night with a moral compass so irretrievably broken—
He meets her on a Monday.
He listens to her deliver a scathing diatribe about the correct pronunciation of “route” on a Tuesday.
He decides he has to fucking hate her on a Wednesday.
And—according to the Comic Sans timestamp on the corner of their complimentary Little Chapel on the Prairie memory box—he marries her on a Sunday.