01.09.17 - the first week of the year! i had a lot of fun doing this, but i’m still trying to figure it how to make it all a bit less messy. hopefully i’ll stay this motivated when school starts tomorrow. there is also a page for january before this spread, but that is apparently not compatible with my abysmal photography+editing skills so that will have to wait for now. (help me im so bad at editing photos how do people do it)
So in honour of the new Justice League trailer, can I ask you what you feel are the top ten worst things about the DCEU movies so far?
*grins evilly, cracks knuckles*
Let’s get this one out of the way:
10. This fucking shot right here
“Pretentious” does not even begin to cover it. And that expression! I don’t have much nice to say about Henry Cavill in these movies, but I do enjoy his utter inability to hide his embarrassment at what he’s participating in at this moment.
9. The Why Did You Even Bother Club: Lois Lane, the Daily Planet, Rick Flag & June Moon, the media, the military, Congress…
Remember how The Avengers had this idea of Agent Coulson as the in-universe fanboy who understood the team better than anybody, and how the best part of Age of Ultron was the trip to Hawkeye’s farm? So why do the “human” elements of the DCEU feel so forced and stale?
8. Someone needs to go to jail for these action scenes
I thank the gods that I (unlike many of my friends) walked into Man of Steel sober, because Snyder’s destruction porn in that movie is a truly bad trip. Everything you need to know about the dude is in this juxtaposition: when he’s showing a building breaking apart, he wants you to see details, dammit, this is his canvas. When he has to cut to, y’know, humans, they’re dully shot and horribly lit, and his impatient desire to get to the next orgasmic splash-panel-shot is palpable. Elsewhere, the Doomsday sequence in BvS not only extends the plot far beyond its logical climax (the dictionary definition of overkill), it’s an unbelievably dull and drab nesting doll of mushroom clouds, pure headache-inducing sound and fury signifying nothing, my least favorite superhero throwdown on screen…until the Enchantress fight in Suicide Squad, which had me in tears in the theater, I was laughing so hard.
7. Pa Kent wants you and your children dead, you hear me? DEAD!
This may be the single worst aspect of Man of Steel specifically. I hate it on every level. I hate that Pa Kent spouts this BS, I hate that we’re supposed to take it seriously, I hate how it bogs down the post-Krypton story with no real weight or payoff (since we already know that Adult Clark is saving people by the time we get his Dad’s speech about not doing so), I hate that entire unbelievably dumb tornado scene, and I hate how freakin’ casual Snyder and Goyer are about death throughout this SUPERMAN STORY. Supes kills Zod, screams that scream…and then he’s downing satellites with a smirk, and biking through an apparently just-fine Metropolis, and hahaha look, glasses! Tone? Stakes? What are those? What was the point to him killing Zod other than Snyder getting that fetishistic close-up of the scream? Man of Steel was always going to be a bad movie, but this is where it became a Bad movie.
6. THIS IS KATANA
SHE’S GOT MY BACK
5. Batman v Superman is I Took Half a Philosophy Course, The Movie
Every single second of this insufferable thing is screaming at you to take it seriously. Every. Single. One. And it’s earned maybe 2% of the time, usually when it directly swipes a line from a comic. There’s nothing else to most of these scenes—just This Is Dramatic, with no attention put into the “this” from the basic “we need to care about these people” angle that Marvel generally has a lock on. The ambition falls flat. In particular, the worldbuilding sequences in BvS (the Injustice future, the Flash visitation, the videos of future JL members) constitute some of the clumsiest and most misguided scenes ever in a comic book movie, because they thoroughly ratfuck the tone, pacing, and focus in the most masturbatory manner imaginable outside of literal porn. (Has there ever been a less appropriate use of Exciting Pump-You-Up music than when Wonder Woman is…sitting at her laptop…watching QuickTime videos?)
4. Scene to scene, line to line, end to end, every storytelling decision in Suicide Squad is wrong
I don’t demand a movie make perfect logical sense for me to like it, and nitpicking about plot holes often aggravates me, because there are many more important things to making and watching movies. What I demand is that you not assemble your movie like a dozen different food-poisoning-induced fever dreams all happening simultaneously. When you have to literally actually reshow parts of your “villain launches their evil plan” sequence (kind of an important part of a comic book movie!) because it was so confusing and poorly communicated the first time through, you’ve lost any semblance of structural coherence. This isn’t clever nonlinear storytelling. This is an abysmal, abyssal editing fail. Honestly, given the garbage fire behind the scenes, Suicide Squad barely counts as a finished movie.
Final three slots reserved for the fatal performances. You know the ones.
3. How did you let Jared Leto keep doing this after day one
How did you not brain him with a shovel or something
2. Why, though
Why would you do this to us
And of course, at #1…
1. This ostensibly sentient block of granite you insist on calling Clark Kent
Ok, that’s not entirely fair. He’s poorly cast, written, and directed. The DCEU is fundamentally broken because its central character does not work. He’s got two modes–deadly boring and straight-up deadly–and neither is compelling. I’m far from the first to say it: this is a Superman for people who never liked Superman.
Since the portal accident when he was fourteen, he’d been keeping a record of all ghostly abilities that he exhibited as well as a short explanation of each power. At age fifteen, with everything that had happened and continued to happen, Danny was still just as confused about his ghost-half as he had been a year previously.
Maddie and Jack had offered to analyze his notes to determine whether or not his abilities were finite or if they would continue to grow along with him, which Danny had refused at first. When Danny discovered that he was continuing to add to his ever-growing and ever-changing list of powers, the boy consented to letting his parents look at his recordings. His only question was: “Am I finished getting new powers, or should I expect more?”
This was why both adults were slack-jawed in their lab, Danny and Jazz upstairs with their own business to attend to, staring at the expanse of paper before them. This was his latest, most recently revised list and it was more than impressive; organized by the amount of energy spent on each ability.
Accelerated Healing - The title underestimates the actual ability. Mortal wounds become not-so-mortal when in ghost form, unless the central-core energy is specifically targeted to be harmed or weakened. When in ghost form and with enough energy, anything but complete disintegration would bring me little (real) harm. In human form, I can tap into these healing abilities to a lesser extent of my ghost self. (Energy Drain - Instinctual)
Enhanced Sensation - All of my five senses are much more sensitive. (Energy Drain - Instinctual)
Ecto-Location (Ghost Sense) - When a ghost is nearby, a cold puff of air from my core is sent out (usually through my mouth). If I focus just slightly, I can also determine the ecto-signature of the particular ghost (provided they are familiar to me, i.e. Skulker, Box Ghost, etc.…) (Energy Drain - Instinctual)
Invisibility - Manipulating both myself and the light around me, I can make it so I am unable to be seen without special equipment. (Energy Drain - Instinctual)
Intangibility - I can become abstract in a way that means I cannot be touched by any human-world item not meant for catching and/or harming ghosts. Tied slightly to invisibility; often, when intangible, I revert to a more corporeal form that is difficult to see (not impossible, but difficult nonetheless). (Energy Drain - Instinctual)
Flight - Probably because of the composition of ectoplasm in comparison to the Earth’s atmosphere, I can fly without accessories. (Energy Drain - Instinctual)
Body Modification - Includes (but probably not limited to): formation of a ghostly tail when flying at high speeds, ethereal fog materializing between body parts to stretch them, also I can shift to a rubber-like constitution at will. (Energy Drain - Instinctual to Low)
Ghost Stinger - If I react quickly enough, I can turn other ghost’s ectoplasmic energy against them and re-direct the energy. Often this produces an electrified effect on the ‘already-used’ (meaning the energy wasn’t mine to begin with) ectoplasm. If I choose to, I can use energy from my own core to amplify this effect. (Energy Drain - Low)
Ecto-Blasts - I can release energy from my ghostly core outwards in varying degrees of power (up to my control when coming to how much I want to release). (Energy Drain - Low to Moderate)
Ectoplasmic Manipulation - Instead of unfocused ectoplasmic energy, I can dictate what the energy from my core does. Shields, ecto-weapons, and bindings (like chain or rope) are my most often used forms of ectoplasmic manipulation. (Energy Drain - Low to Moderate)
Cryokinesis - Same premise as Ecto-Blasts, provided I concentrate on cold energy rather than unfocused ectoplasm. (Energy Drain - Low to Moderate)
Telekinesis - By surrounding an object (or objects) with a light form of ectoplasm, I can move things around. Size and weight of the item are factors, but longer distances make it harder to move the object(s). (Energy Drain - Moderate)
Ice Fog - If I slowly release cold energy from my core and with it releasing minute amounts of raw ectoplasmic energy, I can create a dense icy fog that decreases visibility around a particular area. (Energy Drain - Moderate to High)
Beacon - Using energy from my core, I can create a beacon of white-green light (from my hands) that attracts ghosts in the near vicinity-friend or foe. The stronger the beacon, the greater area the light reaches (meaning more ghosts the beacon calls to). They seem to be entranced by the light enough so that they’re unaware of their surroundings until I stop the beacon. (Energy Drain - Moderate to High)
Duplication -While making sure not to split my central core, I can manipulate the ectoplasm inside of me to create an identical copy of myself. The more core energy I use, the easier the copy is to maintain, the more durable they are, and the closer they are to. Side note, memory transfer is still a pain. Currently able to maintain 2 low-stamina clones, 1 moderate-stamina clone. (Energy Drain - High)
Ghostly Wail - Using the raw energy from my central core, I can create a series of ectoplasmic sound-waves that do severe damage to those in range of the attack. Also slightly inflicts damage on those not in direct attack but who are close enough to me that the screams penetrate their ears. (Energy Drain - High to Critical)
Arctic Howl - Using more central core energy with focus on its element of ice, a much more devastating effect to the original Wail can be achieved by the waves manifesting into a blizzard. The above effects of the original Ghostly Wail remain in place with the addition of the deep-freeze extending the attack radius. (Energy Drain - Critical)
Jack was the first to speak up.
“Heh… Who knew he was holding out on us this whole time?” He chuckled with an odd sort of smile, still unable to process that his fifteen-year-old son possessed the power that he did. Maddie was still gobsmacked as she flipped through the pages of edits that her son had done.
How he was doing abysmally in English class with this obvious mastery of the language was beyond her, for one thing. For another; after his list of powers, Danny had composed several theories and hypotheses that could put other doctors in the Paranormal sciences to shame. They were well thought out and carefully laid down with just enough proof threaded in with his theories that made them seem credible. The woman seated herself and blinked. Who knew? She’d always thought that it would be her daughter to follow in her footsteps, even when Jasmine had proclaimed her love for psychology. Jazz had been the one with the book-smarts and Danny had been the boy with his heart in anything he does. The way his notebook looked, however, told her that Danny wasn’t letting on nearly how intelligent he actually was; and it also told her that he had a knack for the thing that her and Jack had devoted their lives to. Rather than her eldest taking over the Fenton family tradition of ghost-hunting when they were gone, it seemed that her youngest was more than equipped with the knowledge to step up to the plate now.
For once in her life, Madeline Cassandra Fenton was truly stumped. She’d thought that she’d have an easy answer to her son’s question, but she was absolutely, 100% baffled just by what Danny was stating simply in his journal as if it were nothing. Jack was too, if his calculating expression told her anything. Despite his tactless way of approaching situations and his general lack of common sense, Jack Fenton was truly a genius and had a wonderfully creative mind; it was one of the many reasons that she’d fallen in love with him. He was deep in his ‘scientist-mode’, as he said it to be. Brows drawn together, the man nodded and looked to his wife.
“I think that he’s yet to apex, as far as these powers go. From the looks of things in here,” he referred to the generous edits made to the notebook-including the changing ‘energy-drain’ levels, “the longer he has these powers, the more control he has. Probably even the strongest attacks he has now will be nothing if we give it a couple years.” Jack grinned like a child in a candy shop. “Who knows, Mads, he might just be the most powerful ghost ever! And he’s only halfway there!” Maddie found herself smiling at her husband’s eagerness. “Maybe, Jack, maybe…” She trailed off in favor of looking over the book again while Jack began rambling about he and Danny teaming up to be a dynamic duo of sorts. Through all of the questions that his notebook had left her with, one thing was clear to Maddie when she finally left the lab that evening; she had really only just begun to learn the double-life her son had been leading for the past year and a half.
And she was more than ready to continue learning, as any good scientist would be.
When DannyandTucker were kids Tucker’s obsession with technology started with his dad’s old camcorder and they would spend entire weekends over each other’s houses making stupid films where they would go on jungle adventures (in the park) and space ship adventures (in a cardboard box) and have wresting championships (aka Dash found them being dorks in the park and beat the shit outta Danny)
Tucker badly edited the film (what Tucker insisted was ‘editing’ was really just him 'strategically’ pausing his filming at certain moments) to save his friend’s pride and make it look like Danny hadn’t gotten too badly beaten, it convinced neither Foleys nor Fentons and stern phonecalls to the Baxter house were made