this actually broke my heart

Top 10 times my heart broke for Rhysand

#1 When she never smiled at him

I waited for you at breakfast, but you slept in. Or avoided me, apparently. And I tried to catch your eye this afternoon, but you were so good at shutting me out completely.” “Is that what got under your skin? That I shut you out, or that it was so easy for Tarquin to get in?” “What got under my skin,” Rhys said, his breathing a bit uneven, “is that you smiled at him.” The rest of the world faded to mist as the words sank in. “You are jealous.”

and that one time she finally did

His fingers tightened on mine, and I looked up. He was smiling at me. And looked so un-High-Lord-like with the glowing dust on the side of his face that I grinned back. I hadn’t even realized what I’d done until his own smile faded, and his mouth parted slightly. “Smile again,” he whispered. I hadn’t smiled for him. Ever. Or laughed. Under the Mountain, I had never grinned, never chuckled. And afterward … And this male before me … my friend … For all that he had done, I had never given him either. Even when I had just … I had just painted something. On him. For him. I’d—painted again. So I smiled at him, broad and without restraint. “You’re exquisite,” he breathed.

#2 When Rhys confessed to having his wishes unfulfilled

“Isn’t that what High Lords do?” My breath clouded in front of me in the brisk night. “Whatever they please?” He studied my face. “There are a great many things that I wish to do, and don’t get to.”

#3 When we find out what his nightmares were about

“I’m sorry I didn’t find a way to spare you from what happened Under the Mountain,” Rhys said with equal quiet. “From dying. From wanting to die.” I began to shake my head, but he said, “I have two kinds of nightmares: the ones where I’m again Amarantha’s whore or my friends are … And the ones where I hear your neck snap and see the light leave your eyes.”

#4 When the High Lord of Night Court physically flinched from an emotional wound

“What is it that you want, Feyre?” I had no answer. I didn’t know. Not anymore. “What is it that you want, Feyre?” I stayed silent. His laugh was bitter, soft. “I thought so. Perhaps you should take some time to figure that out one of these days.” “Perhaps I don’t know what I want, but at least I don’t hide what I am behind a mask,” I seethed. “At least I let them see who I am, broken bits and all. Yes—it’s to save your people. But what about the other masks, Rhys? What about letting your friends see your real face? But maybe it’s easier not to. Because what if you did let someone in? And what if they saw everything, and still walked away? Who could blame them—who would want to bother with that sort of mess?” He flinched. The most powerful High Lord in history flinched. And I knew I’d hit hard—and deep. Too hard. Too deep.

and when we learned how deep that wound went

“Why didn’t you tell me?” “You were in love with him; you were going to marry him. And then you… you were enduring everything and it didn’t feel right to tell you.” “I deserved to know.” “The other night you told me you wanted a distraction, you wanted fun. Not a mating bond. And not to someone like me - a mess.” So the words I’d spat after the Court of Nightmares had haunted him

#5 When he considered settling for ‘whatever pieces she offered him’

“You think I didn’t want to tell you? You think I liked hearing you wanted me only for amusement and release? You think it didn’t drive me out of my mind so completely that those bastards shot me out of the sky because I was too busy wondering if I should tell you, or wait - or maybe take whatever pieces that you offered me and be happy with it? Or that maybe I should let you go so you don’t have a lifetime of assassins and High Lords hunting you down for being with me?”

#6 When he cried…

“But then she snapped your neck.” Tears rolled down his face. “And I felt you die,” he whispered.

But I was being ripped apart from the inside out, and I thrashed, unable to out-scream the pain. “Feyre!” someone roared. No, not someone—Rhysand. Rhysand yelled my name again - yelled it as though he cared 

-A Court of Thornes and Roses

#7 When he spent 3 months thinking she hated him

“And for three months… for three months I tried to convince myself that you were better off without me. I tried to convince myself that everything I’d done had made you hate me.”

#8 When he put her happiness above his own

“I heard you were going to marry him, and I told myself you were happy. I should let you be happy, even if it killed me. Even if you were my mate, you’d earned that happiness.”

#9 When he thought he wasn’t that type of person for her

“I heard what you told him,” he said. “That you thought it would be easy to fall in love with him. You meant it, too.” “So?” It was the only thing I could think of to say. “I was jealous—of that. That I’m not … that sort of person. For anyone.“

#10 When we found out that all this time he had been in love with Feyre

“It killed me, Feyre, to send you back. To see you waste away, month by month. It killed me to know he was sharing your bed. Not just because you were my mate, but because I … ” He glanced down, then up at me again. “I knew … I knew I was in love with you that moment I picked up the knife to kill Amarantha.”

Quotes from ACOMAF and ACOTAR

On a happier note: Another Top 10 for Rhys

dan talking about how other kids in school threw actual x-acto knives at him literally broke my heart and when you think about the fact that he was bullied at school just for being different and that he went through his entire childhood and teen years without having a best friend, without having anyone who understood him and was there for him and you look at him now being happy and confident and himself and not only having a best friend but living with him for almost 7 years and having someone who’s there for him no matter what and someone he can laugh with for an hour over a broken terrarium and i’m just so happy that after all the shit he went through he finally has something good in his life cause he more than deserves it

Things I enjoyed about Kevin Price in the BoM workshop/presentation
  • 85% more nervous
  • Constantly taking out handkerchief and wiping his face, smoothing down his hair, straightening his tie, and fidgeting fingers
  • White shoes only serve to remind us that Andrew is 80% leg
  • His small little “C’mon!” in ‘You and Me (But Mostly Me)’ when he pulls Arnold up off the bench
  • The beautiful voice crack when they arrive at Uganda “Yeah it was one long trip…”
  • His dorky clapping and head bobbing during ‘Turn It Off’s’ last dance segment
  • His amazing cringing faces when they go to bed and Arnold keeps touching his face
  • Skipping and jazz hands in the morning make a happy Elder
  • Looking at the ground and unable to move because he’s so scared of the General, having to be dragged away by Arnold in the scene.
  • His “ORLANDOOOO” power note at the end of Man Up 
  • His enthusiastic “DAD!” in the beginning of Spooky Mormon Hell Dream
  • Kevin apparently had never had a Spooky Mormon Hell Dream before, the donut dialogue was taken out and the lyrics were changed. Save him
  • The desperation in his “Jesus, IM SORRYY!!”
  • His little excited amp up motions after he sings Something Incredible to himself
  • I Believe. Everything about it. Perfection. The key change was legit incredible.
  • His caressing of the General’s arm before he takes it, and resting his head on the guy’s arm.
  • His last “I Beeeee-Lieeeevvee!!!” was fricken AMAZING.  He holds out the Be-part a little longer than normal
  • His monologue is in the doctor’s hut instead. “Well the whole religion is just…crap.”
  • WHERE ARE THE PEOPLE-HUH? WHERE ARE THE PEOPLE-
  • Orlando reprise was actually really tender and sad and it sort of broke my heart??
  • “I WOKE UP, THATSWHATHAPPENED”
  • Something Incredible reprise was beautiful???
  • You and Me (but mostly me) reprise was amazing???? And his soft little “but mostly..meeee~” (What’s with all the workshop reprise songs going the more tender and emotional route than the comedy, it’s actually incredible and amazing and just wow)
  • Tomorrow is a Latter Day starts out soft and slower and Kevin’s voice is lovely?? It’s beautiful?? They need to tone it down with the feels.
  • His “I believes” in Tomorrow is a Latter Day are incredible, and he riffs on the third and last one.
  • Kevin and General getting cuddly at the curtain call
  • 10/10 would and WILL watch again, the workshop was amazing.
  • EDIT: HERE’S A LINK FOR THE WORKSHOP IF YOU NEED IT MY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.
Katsugeki/touken Ranbu Ep. 10 *Spoilers*

Knew it! I knew something like this would happen. Am I happy for being right? not at all.

Damn, I knew it, I knew Kunihiro would react that way, and even worse, I knew Kanesada would talk to him the way he did.

Listen, I know the animation was fantastic, we had beautiful backgrounds, and I know that most of you guys got focused on Kane-san crying, i get it, that hurts me too, but what hurts me the most is all the things Kunihiro is going through.

Can we take a time to talk about him? please? 

This episode was foucused almost completely on Kunihiro and Kane-san, something we don’t see since episode 1, but there’s a huge difference between both episodes. On episode 1 we see Kunihiro worried  because he though that he couldn’t stand the pressure, that he would go and ruin everything, I’d even dare to say he was afraid of disappointing Kane-san, but Kanesada let him know that he´d be fine, that they would be fine, Saniwa believed in them, shit he even let Kunihiro know (indirectly) that he believed in him. But now… now we see Kanesada grew closer to Mutsunokami and left Kunihiro aside. He left his partner aside!! He left the boy who has always been there for him. I know they’re side by side when it comes to stand guard like on this part

But are they really toghether? I mean, I know Kane-san is not that afective, but why he seems to bee always serious around Kunihiro lately?

For what we see on this escene Kunihiro is suffering (and it’s not the first time in the whole season) but why doesn’t none of the guys do nothing? are they waiting for kanesada to be the one who talks to him so they can make things better by themselfs? if that’s the case, it’s not working at all.

I know Kanesada is having a rough time to, but he has Mutsunokami, damn, he does even still have Kunihiro to rely on, and more important: he wasn’t there, Izuminokami Kanesada was Hijikata’s beloved sword, but he wasn’t there when his master died, but Kunihiro did and thet’s why he is the one who is feeling the worst about this mission.

This part, this fucking part broke my heart. Kunihiro knows that they must to protect the history, that they must to complete their missions despite their personal interest, despite their feelings… but these bodies… emotions take control over them, and Kunihiro is oversensitive, this must be overwhelmig for him, yet he stil tries to do the right thing and protect Ryoma, but he couldn´t take it anymore while watching Kanesada cry, that must meant Kanesada felt the same way he was feeling right? Maybe Kane-san would understand him, maybe… but then, listen his partner say otherwise… then something broke inside him, so he was alone after all?

My sweet boy is suffering, he has been in pain for a while now, and he is so transparent that it must have been obvious to everyone, so why Kanesada acts that way towards him? he’s acting exactly the same Hijikata does, strict and inlfexible. 

I know they’re on a mission, that they are warrios and Kanesada needs to stand up as a captain but, damn you, Kanesada, yes, you’re the captain, you need to make sure all the members of your unit do the right thing, but you also need to make sure they keep together. And right now that boy doesn’t need a captain, he doesn’t need Izuminokami Kanesada, the 2nd unit’s captain; he needs Kane-san, he needs his partner, he needs the person that knows him better than anyone. On this body, on this live he’s nothing but a teenager, a boy who feels alone, a child who knows that is doing the wrong thing but stil does it ‘cause he wants to protect what is important to him, he wants to save the people he loves the most. Kanesada, next episode you better be the partner, you better be the big brother my boy needs you to be. So don’t you ever go away from him again, don’t you ever dare to let him behind the way you did today.

Listen, I know that Kunihiro is making all the wrong choices, but I stil can’t blame him, ‘cause I know how he is feeling. I can’t go against him ‘cause I love him so much it’s killing me, and cause I know that, if I was there with him, I’d follow him to the end of the world, no matter what I’d stand by his side ‘til the very end.

a must read!

All right guys! I know some of you have read either The Foxhole Court and/or The Raven Cycle. Some of you may or may not also have read Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe? Yeah? Right?

I’ve got something for you: Silent by Sara Alva

It’s a must read I accidentally stumbled upon yesterday. It’s this absolutely beautiful, yet heart wrenching and unique novel about a gay kid, Alex, that gets thrown into the foster care system where he meets this other guy, Sebastian, who’s mute. It’s about dark pasts, survival, love and coming out.

After I finished it I looked it up here on tumblr and could hardly find anything. NOTHING. And it actually broke my heart a little since it’s such a beautiful story and truly deserves more attention. SO READ IT. It’s not even 4 USD on smashwords. And it’s so so so worth it!

And after you’ve read it? TALK TO ME <3

”Alex’s life as a teenager in South Central LA is far from perfect, but it’s his life, and he knows how to live it. He knows what role to play and what things to keep to himself. He’s got it all under control, until one lousy pair of shoes kicks him out of his world and lands him in a foster care group home. Surrounded by strangers and trapped in a life where he could never belong, Alex turns to the only person lower on the social ladder than he is: a “special” mute boy. In Sebastian, Alex finds a safe place to store his secrets—those that sent him to foster care, and the deeper one that sets him apart from the other teenagers he knows. But Sebastian has secrets of his own, and when tragedy rips the two boys apart, Alex will stop at nothing to find the answers—even if it means dragging them both through a past full of wounds best left buried. It might just be worth it, for the slim chance at love.” [goodreads link

Saturn in the 5th experience

It’s the experience of not knowing what to do. Having fun is a foreign concept as a kid. Your idea of fun is playing grown-up games. In particular I loved to play Animal Crossing because I could own a house, pay my mortgage, talk to my neighbors, and fish. It was the fun of being responsible. It was the fun of knowing that life isn’t all about having fun. In fact, I almost never had experiences. I was too scared to ask my parents. I felt like fun was something other people could have. I felt like creativity was meant for others. Relationships were meant to be for the long-haul. Saturn whispers in your ear that if it isn’t long-lasting, don’t do it. You’ll regret it later. So you ball up into yourself thinking that it’s best to keep to yourself and not do anything crazy. You don’t realize you’re robbing your young self of experiences.

Or are you?

Because Saturn teaches you that it’s ok to have fun once everything else is done. You can enjoy life when you have attended to all of your duties. As you grow, he smiles encouragingly as you take the first steps into experiencing all that this life has to offer. You go out to parties with knowledge floating in the back of your head that will keep your night spectacular. There will be no near-death experiences for you. Your relationships will be serious in nature because you seek out those who are serious as well. You skip the heartbreak and go straight to the soulmate style love because Saturn told you to wait. Keep your head down. Don’t go after the playboy. Your art will have a lasting quality that will stand the test of time because you took your time. You placed your love, your heart, your soul into it. Saturn took notice. He knew you could handle the lesson he wanted to teach you.

Just finished Season 4 and...

I personally think this was the best season (or half season) so far. I’ve seen a few people saying they were disappointed and while there were a few aspects here or there I found disappointing, overall I thoroughly enjoyed this season.

It was funny, it was dramatic, it was emotional, it was tense.

Reminded me a lot of season 1 actually. There’s a lot to talk about so for now I’ll just list my pros and cons-

Pros:

  • * Like I said, I found this season very funny and there were quite a few jokes that had me laughing out loud. Like Matt seeing Allura for the first time. Brought back real Ouran Host Club nostalgia
  • * Matt Holt in general was awesome. Although about that brain hacking? Yeah he should talk to Slav. 
  • * The animation was as gorgeous as ever. Especially that crying scene. If I hadn’t known before that Matt was alive, I probably would have cried for real. (I did tear up a little though)
  • * It was nice having a break episode which season 2 and 3 sorely lacked.
  • * Yuri on Ice reference? Lol (Actually it seemed quite a few anime were referenced/parodied.)
  • * Allura playing Keith. Just that was too funny. 
  • * While Hunk kind of got pushed to the side again, (Although I feel like Dreamworks was poking fun at themselves about how he’s the comic relief), I loved the rest of the character development for Pidge, Lance, Shiro, Keith and even Allura a tiny bit. 
  • Oh and that tiny scene with Haggar looking in the “mirror” actually broke my heart for a split second. 

Cons:

  • Kind of a nitpick on this but I think Episode 2 would have been a lot stronger if they hadn’t titled it “Reunion”. Yes I totally believe Pidge “reunited” with Matt’s Grave. Although I mostly have myself to blame for consuming every spoiler I could get and seeing Matt was alive already.
  • I think my biggest disappointment is Prince Lotor and his general’s arc. If watched together as a whole season, we just saw a close-knit group of outcasts fall apart really fast. It was probably inevitable but I think it would have felt more heart breaking if we got another season with them as a group. Also how Narti was so heartlessly killed off? What strikes me as odd is Aj LoCascio (Lotor’s VA) said Lotor’s Generals were like a family to Lotor. 

However there are still more seasons to come and I can see this turning around. Might be nice getting an episode or two of Lotor trying to regain his generals’ trust again. I think Acxa’s option she was talking about is joining Voltron. And the ending with Lotor “joining” team Voltron himself I think could create some interesting conflict. 

All in all, I really did enjoy this season and I’m excited to see where the series is going to go from here. There’s still a lot of back story to be explored and mysteries to be solved such as Sam Holt and what Lotor is exactly trying to do. And we still don’t know what Operation Kuron is about (though I had expected this wouldn’t explored until later seasons anyways)