thirty five

my favourite artists: hey we have new music coming out! oh look! we’re also touring in your country!

me: yay! finally new music! oh, a tour as well! thanks!

my bank account: bitch wtf you're broke

“I always wanted to be a mental health therapist.  Ever since high school, I’ve enjoyed encouraging people and giving them hope.  But I lost my way.  I got caught in a world of addiction.  I lost ten years of my life to drugs.  I stopped when I became pregnant with my child, but by that time it was too late to go back to school.  I started working as an office manager.  I never completely lost my dream.  But I just put it on a shelf for thirty years.  Then five years ago I to…ok it off the shelf.  I heard a lady in my choir talking about how she enrolled in community college.  I drove there the very next day.  I was so nervous when I filled out the application.  I was so nervous the first day of class.  All the old voices were telling me: ‘You never finish anything.’  But I said ‘fuck you’ to the old voices.  And I started getting A’s.  On my first test, I got the only perfect score in the class.  I graduated at the age of 50.  I got my Masters at 55.  And just last night I completed a mental health first aid course.  I’m so close now.  There’s still fear there.  I used to be afraid of it never happening.  Now I’m afraid of it happening.  The old voices try to come back sometimes.  They tell me: ‘You can rest,’ or ‘You’ve earned a break.’  But I’m not stopping this time.  Somebody out there is waiting for me to finish because they need my help.“


“I can’t even say the word. Why can’t I say the word? I mean, why can’t I just say…? I mean, what is wrong? Why do I have to be so ashamed? I mean, why can’t I just say the truth? I mean, be who I am? I’m thirty-five years old, I’m so afraid to tell people…Susan, I’m gay.” – Ellen Morgan (@theellenshow) to Susan (@lauradern), “Ellen,” “The Puppy Episode,” April 30, 1997.
On April 30, 1997, twenty years ago today and two weeks after Ellen DeGeneres publicly acknowledged her sexuality, Ellen Morgan, lead character of ABC’s “Ellen,” came out.
After the first three seasons of “Ellen,” producers were frustrated with a lack of focus and Ellen’s lack of interest in the stereotypical sitcom relationship; one producer suggested Ellen just get a puppy to show the world that a relationship was not in the cards, hence “The Puppy Episode.”
During the fourth season, as word of the coming out episode spread, a backlash started; a bomb threat came, DeGeneres’ safety was threatened, sponsors (including J.C. Penney and Wendy’s) pulled out, affiliates refused to run the episode, and right-wing conservatives hurled anti-gay slurs (Reverend Jerry Falwell, for example, hurled the infamous “Ellen Degenerate,” to which DeGeneres responded, “I’ve been getting that since the fourth grade”).
And, even after “The Puppy Episode” drew forty-two million viewers and won two Emmys, a Peabody Award, and a GLAAD Media Award, ABC still prefaced each subsequent episode of "Ellen” with a parental advisory warning.
The show was canceled after its fifth season.
“It’s easy to forget now, when we’ve come so far,” President Barack Obama said when awarding DeGeneres the Presidential Medal of Freedom, “just how much courage was required for Ellen to come out…What an incredible burden that was to bear. To risk your career like that. People don’t do that very often.”
There is no question that Ellen Morgan’s self-declaration marked a paradigm shift for queer representation in media. Never again would it be impossible to imagine a gay lead character, nor a supporting character that defied rigid stereotypes, in mainstream media. #lgbthistory #HavePrideInHistory #ThankYouEllen

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Aries: how have you been? Yes you with the angry eyes and the broken heart. Didn’t anyone tell you that smiling with your lips is the worst smile? Smiling with your eyes is the best love. I find it prodigious really, how you pick yourself up after being impaired.

Taurus: and even when everything stings, even when everything burns, even when you’re on the verge of giving up. You looked fear in the eye and said “Go to hell” because sorrow is a sign of the times, and your willpower is stronger than your emotions. You control you.

Gemini: when the dandelions fall out of your hair, and the skies turn orange. When the little paper cut burns a little more than you’d like it to or when the grass you sit on has a little too many dewdrops. When everything is a little too much, or just not enough, know one thing is certain. Someone is thinking of you, somewhere.

Cancer: sometimes I want to sue the world, how can it be so harsh on something so sweet? How can something so sweet do something so bitter? In a gutter your light would still shine. In the dark you can’t see, “Am I darkness or has darkness become me?” Be free, you are light and you are dazzling me.

Leo: compliments feel like sticky pastes ‘cause you don’t believe in the smiles on their face, it’s a maze. Run, run, don’t come back, see the stars and kiss your scars. Kiss your own skin, love your own face. You are independent, you are relentless. Puppet on a strings, threaded to promises.

Virgo: a shattered self esteem, an introvert with devoured dreams. Eaten by the greedy, the successful and the liars. Fake friends meeting sadness at one end, hate at the other. But “otherwise I’ll be alone and no one wants to be lonely and I’m lonely when I’m alone” the critical mind, the self paining cries. “Alright, it’s alright.” Repeat it until you believe it.

Libra: when love and chaos meet, you will see me at the early morning sunrise. Plucking petals off of periwinkle blue, eerie flowers. You said you were a night owl, one to always sleep in. The last few days you’ve been up at five thirty, meeting the sunset with tired eyes. You told me that fatigue is the price of caring for someone too deeply, you said it meant love.

Scorpio: the claws of the nightmares enroll in your daydreams, the screams and whispers shiver you to the bone. You’re not afraid, you’re not scared, just a little bit alone. But you’re dying to stay positive, come on love you can do it. You keep telling yourself lies, “I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine.” You’re in the headlights, on the front row of your own movie. Stop feeling like you have to pay for the tickets.

Sagittarius: let’s run away tonight, let’s get drunk under summer stars and hope we’ll get home without broken hearts. Let’s run, let’s go, I don’t want to know. There’s too much pain in this black and white town, let’s leave and build our own out of cracked bones and broken homes.

Capricorn: when the shadows catch up with you, and the fatigue seeps through your lifeless skin; when the dandelions feel like uselessness and the smell of rain reminds you of broken glass… know that you don’t need to be fixed. You are not broken. Reading glasses slipping off noses, tossing and turning to get a slight chance of sleep.. know that everything you tell yourself you are, is how you limit yourself. You tell yourself it’s all you’ll ever be.

Aquarius: jars filled with little papers. They’re inked with words that are left unknown, one word for every day together with a number. Today the word was “HOPE” together with a six-point-seven on the happiness ratio. Yesterday it was “MELANCHOLY” with a five on the scale of misery. Never daring to get close to nines and tens, those were for people with real problems- funerals, breakups, getting fired. Maybe five, maybe an in between. A non-answer. Maybe five.

Pisces: someone told me about their imaginary friend named Ann, she was sweet and nice but cold like ice. Her hair was raven black and she always wore sundresses even in the winter. They played tennis with her and wore each others clothes, one day Ann had to leave the young person. They cried and weeped “Why?” they screeched. Ann frowned and held the persons face in her hands. “Other people need me too, you’re not alone. Just have the courage to pretend. Have the power to imagine.“

—  if your day has felt longer than the time it took to read this poem, know that you’re loved. (1st august - 2017)

why are you not watching Monster Factory

SS Link: gently sets down weapons and places them besides him before he jumps into bed. 

BOTW Link: gets a running start before he jumps into bed. thirty swords, five spiked clubs, a fire rod, several spiky shields strapped to his back. he cuddles his bomb arrows.


Originally posted by miraculousgifs

Summary: Ladybug and Chat Noir tell each other their ages during a heavy rainstorm, but with the new bit of information they learn about their partner, they start developing other sorts of questions a little too deep for two teenage kids.
Rated: T
Pairing(s): Ladybug/Chat Noir
Word count: 7,080
Also read on: ao3

Based on a convo between @imploder​ and I. (There are brief mentions of the concept of death, but I promise it’s not super angsty! I’ve put a lot of fluff in here.)

“Sometimes I wonder how old you are.”

Ladybug froze on her feet at her partner’s choice of words, thankful she had stopped walking lest she step right off of the ledge of the rooftop they’d paused upon. Her eyes landed on Chat Noir’s, which glowed so green and bright in the low yellow hues of the city’s lights, his gaze soft and brow furrowed in thought.

“Not in a creepy way,” Chat Noir continued before she could form her reply. He placed his baton on his lower back. “Just in a general sense. Like, I know you’re not really five-thousand years old—” he paused to grin at her, “—right?”

A laugh formed in Ladybug’s throat. “Right.”

“Right.” Chat Noir’s lips curled as his smile grew. “But I do get curious. I wonder who you are and where your favorite restaurants are and what your favorite color is-”

“Pink,” she offered. That was one small note of information she didn’t mind dishing out.

Chat Noir chuckled. He sat on the edge of the rooftop, legs dangling in the open air and black suit bathed in Parisian moonlight. He looked nice like that. Attractive, even. (As if she didn’t already know he was.)

“Good to know,” he replied. He made a show of tapping a clawed finger against his head. “I’m storing that bit of info in the back of my mind for some potential gift-giving in the near future. Now all I need to know is your favorite type of flower and maybe then I’ll finally learn how to woo you.”

Ladybug giggled behind her hand. “I think you’re getting a little side-tracked, kitty.”

“That’s not hard when you’re around,” Chat Noir replied with an added wink for good measure. “You are quite the distraction, my Lady.”

With a good-humored roll of her eyes, Ladybug sat down next to her partner and gave him a playful shove. It was times like this that she had a hard time deciphering whether or not Chat Noir was joking. Though, considering his confession a few months ago, she wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn't… But she didn’t want to think about that, or what it would do to her heart (which she knew all too well how easily it fell for kind-hearted, green-eyed boys.)

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Avengers as dumb things actually said in court:

Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

Tony: Gucci sweats and Reeboks


Attorney: Are you sexually active?

Bucky: No, I just lie there.


Attorney: What is the date of your birth?

Steve: July 18th 4th

Attorney: What year?

Steve: Every year.


Attorney: How old is your son, the one living with you?

Scott: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember.

Attorney: How long has he lived with you?

Scott: Forty-five years.


Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

Hulk: Yes.

Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

Hulk: I forget…

Attorney: You forgot? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


Attorney: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

Bruce: Did you actually pass the bar exam???


Attorney: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Sam: He’s twenty, much like your IQ


Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Natasha: Are you shitting me?


Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

Clint: Yes.

Attorney: And what were you doing at the time?

Clint: Getting laid.


Attorney: She has three children, right?

Rhodey: Yes.

Attorney: How many were boys?

Rhodey: None

Attorney: We’re there any girls?

Rhodey: Your honour, I think I need a different Attorney. Can I get a new attorney?


Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?

Wanda: By death.

Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?

Wanda: Take a guess.


Attorney: Can you describe the individual?

Peter: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Attorney: Was this a male or a female?

Peter: Unless the circus was in town, I’m going to go with male.


Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

Thor: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

Strange: No.

Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?

Strange: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Strange: No.

Attorney: So, is it then possible that the patient have still been alive?

Strange: No.

Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

Strange: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

Strange: Yes, it is possible he could have been alive and practicing law.


The Selection Chapter 1

Tom Holland x Reader // Royalty AU

Summary: For thirty-five girls from all castes, there was no greater opportunity than The Selection. This was the chance to be swept up in a world of expensive clothing and crowns made from priceless jewels. And, the chance to win the heart of the stunning Prince Thomas.

Warnings: A little bit of angst? If there’s any that I missed other than how cringey this is then please let me know!

Word Count: 2, 612

Disclaimer: The plot and idea of this fic was inspired/created by Kiera Kass as well as some of the jokes because I’m not funny! Her series; The Selection is where I got a lot of my inspiration and ideas from. I highly recommend the read, as well!

A/N: Here it finally is lol I hope y’all aren’t disappointed. Hopefully this doesn’t put you off from the rest of the fic. Also, there will be smut in later parts bc I live for Prince!Tom smut. Please leave feedback! Let me know what you’re thinking about it! 

The moment the letter came in the post, your mother had already decided that all of your problems were solved. That somehow the letter had made them disappear. The star of her seemingly intelligent plan was you. You didn’t consider yourself a bad or disobedient daughter but this was something that you were refusing to do for her.

Becoming royalty was a step too far. It crossed a line in your mind; you didn’t want to be royalty. You didn’t want to be a One.

“Is filling out the form really that bad?” your mother almost groaned in frustration as she set down the pitcher of tea in her hands, struggling to stop the tea from finding a way to spill out. “The Selection could be this family’s saving grace, Y/N.”

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Scene Transitions

An important part of structuring your story in any format is the transition between scenes. When not handled properly, time and/or location jumps in a narrative can become disorientating and confusing, making it harder for the audience to keep up with the action. There are three important things to focus on when transitioning between scenes: where the first scene ends, where the second scene begins, and how to connect the two.

It’s important that each scene have closure. When you leave a scene, you need to know that the goal of that scene was reached. If you leave the scene too early, before you receive that closure, your audience will be left hanging, feeling unsatisfied and off balance. You need to ‘cut away’ when the scene comes to its natural end, when everything is understood and the audience is ready to move onto the next idea. If you leave the scene too late, it drags your story, and makes it feel like the scene is longer than it is.

As with the end of a scene, the beginning of a new scene must feel natural. If you have to backtrack immediately after starting your scene in order to explain whats going on, then it means you’re not starting at the beginning of the scene. You can sometimes get away with doing this, if the reflection is placed naturally in the writing, but you shouldn’t try and push your luck. If all of your scenes start with an immediate backpedal to explain where everyone is, how they got there, and when it takes place, then you need to go back and fix some things.

Information about the change in time and location are important to include. If you didn’t, then it would be impossible for the audience to tell if, when or how these changes occurred. The most widely accepted way of transitioning between scenes is to detail the things done by the characters to go from scene A to scene B. They can do so by showing the transition between locations (“They walked the distance to the theatre, laughing the whole way”), points in time (“hours passed as she sat reading in her favorite chair”), or combinations of the two (“they drove for days, the grassy hillsides of home growing into a looming mountain range”). The information in the transition must do everything to set up the new scene that’s starting.

I am going to use a segment from “These Shallow Graves” by Jennifer Donnelly as an example of what not to do when transitioning between scenes. In chapter thirty-four, a scene is ending where the protagonist and her love interest meet secretly during a ball and make a plan for her to sneak out later that evening. The scene ends on an angsty moment as they both watch her almost arranged fiance dancing with the competitor for his affections. Chapter thirty-five immediately begins with the two of them having met up and halfway to their destination. It is then explained how the protagonist had left the party early, snuck out, and made it to the meeting point.

Feels kinda jenky huh? Here’s how we could smooth this out.

Their plan for meeting up that evening involves the protagonist telling her uncle (who an attendee) that she is feeling faint and using that as an excuse to leave the ball early. This would make more sense as a place to end the scene as it signals the beginning of the transition between locations. When she sneaks out the house is a good place to officially begin the next scene, as it signals another change in locations. Because the time spent at the protagonist’s home is not important to the overall story (her waiting for everyone to fall asleep) this could serve as the transition between the scene of the first and the scene of the second meetings. The cab ride from her house to the meeting place is also its own small transition, and is a good place to reflect on past information without interfering with anything else going on (such as dialogue and bonding between love interests).

Remember! All of the important things to keep in mind when writing scene transitions are:
Know where to end a scene.
Know where to begin a scene.
Know how to connect the scenes.

my name is Stanley Almodovar III
i carry the name of my father and his father before me
i’m twenty-three years young
i dyed my hair saturday but no one got to see it sunday morning
my name is Amanda Alvear
i am twenty-five years young
people know me as a pharmacy tech, the girl who lost almost two hundred pounds, the girl who takes too many selfies
but the only place i was truly myself was where i was that night
my name is Oscar Aracena
i am twenty-six years young
i’m a student at Valencia College
i was so close to getting my degree… so close
my name is Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala
i am thirty-three years young
i am a supervisor at the OneBlood donation center
i never did know if my job was the one who tried to save my life
my name is Capt. Antonio Davon Brown of the U.S. Army Reserve
i am thirty years young
i almost have my doctorate degree of management in organizational leadership
my name is Darryl Roman Burt II
i am twenty-nine years young
i just received my master’s degree in Human Resources Management
tonight, i was celebrating
mi llamo Jonathan Camuy
soy es veinticuatro anos
trabajo en una cadena de televisión española
realmente estaba deseando volver a trabajar el lunes
my name is Angel Luis Candelario-Padro
i am twenty-eight years young
soon, i will be an ophthalmic technician
i cannot wait to begin my new job in a few days
my name is Omar Capo
i am twenty years young
i love to dance
i always said i wanted to die doing what i loved
my name is Simon Carrillo
i am thirty-one years young
my partner and i just came home from a little getaway to Niagara Falls
i was really looking forward to our next vacation together
my name is Luis Daniel Conde
i am thirty-nine years young
my best friend is  Juan Pablo Rivera Velazquez
he’s been by my side since high school
my name is  Juan Pablo Rivera Velazquez
i am twenty-two years young
my best friend is  Luis Daniel Conde
seems only fitting we left this world together
my name is Cory James Connell
i am twenty-one years young
my brother is getting married this fall and i am to be his best man
don’t tell him but i have no idea what to say in my speech
my name is Tevin Eugene Crosby
i am twenty-five years young
i am the owner of a marketing firm, Total Entrepreneurs Concepts
hard work truly does pay off; i can’t wait to share my latest meme with all of my facebook friends when i get home tonight
my name is Anthony Luis Laureano Disla
i am twenty-five years young
i love to dance, i want to be a dancer
tonight, i want to go dancing with my friends
my name is Deonka Deidra Drayton
i am thirty-two years young
for the first time in a long time, i can finally, confidently, say
that i am happy
my name is Leroy Valentin Fernandez
i am twenty-five years young
i love to sing
no matter what happens in life, no one will ever take my voice away from me
my name is Mercedez Marisol Flores
i am twenty-six years young
i am studying literature at Valencia College’s West Campus but my true passion is party planning
i’ve been thinking about switching majors
my name is Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz
i am twenty-two years young
all i want to do is make people smile
i’ve always thought that laughter could cure anything
my name is Paul Terrell Henry
i am forty-young years young
i am the proud father of two amazing kids and i have the most magnificent boyfriend
i cannot thank god enough for all of my blessing
my name is Frankie Hernandez
i am twenty-seven years young
i have a little sister, she’s one of my best friends
i cannot wait to see the person she becomes when she grows up
my name is Miguel Angel Honorato
i am thirty years young
i have three sons who i love more than life itself
i hope they will enjoy what i have planned for the next birthday party
my name is Jimmy De Jesús
i am fifty years young
i love my job but i am so thankful i have tomorrow off
i plan on having a good time tonight
my name is Javier Jorge-Reyes
i am forty years young
i am so, so proud of who i am
no one can take that away from me
my name is Jason Josaphat
i am nineteen years young
i love life, i love my life
and it’s only just begun
my name is Eddie Justice
i am thirty years young
i have a huge family, but i am a mama’s boy at heart
i always make sure to text my mom everyday
my name is Christopher Leinonen
i am thirty-two years young
i am madly in love with my boyfriend, Juan Guerrero
i cannot wait to see what the future has in store for the two of us
my name is Juan Guerrero
i am twenty-five years young
i am madly in love with my boyfriend, Christopher Leinonen
after a long week at work, i just want to unwind with my love tonight
my name is Alejandro Martinez
i am twenty-one years young
i have only been living in Florida for two years
but i have always met so many kind people here; that must be why it is called the “sunshine state”
my name is Brenda Lee Marquez-McCool
i am forty-nine years young
i beat cancer twice
and i have never felt more alive
my name is Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez
i am twenty-five years young
i am studying health care management at the Ana G. Mendez University’s Orlando campus
all i want to do is help people
my name is Kimberly Morris, but you can call me ‘KJ’
i am thirty-seven years young
i moved to Florida to be closer to my mother and grandmother
i love my job as a bouncer at Pulse Nightclub
my name is Akyra Murray
i am eighteen years young
i just graduated from West Catholic Preparatory High School
my name is Geraldo Ortiz-Jimenez, but you can call me Drake
i am twenty-five years young
i love Selena Gomez
i hope to meet her one day
Joel Rayon Paniagua
i am thirty-one years young
i love dancing
i am going to meet my friends for a night of dancing
my name is Jean Carlos Mendez Perez
i am thirty-five years young
not to brag, but i am the best salesperson Perfumania
you can ask Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon
my name is Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon
i am thirty-seven years young
growing up wasn’t easy but i can finally say that i am comfortable in my own skin
and i am lucky enough to have Jean Carlos Mendez Perez by my side through it all
my name is Enrique L. Rios
i am twenty-five years young
i am from New York
but i came to Florida to celebrate my friend’s birthday
my name is Eric Ivan Ortiz Rivera
i am thirty-six years young
i don’t really like clubs
but it’s for a friend, so tonight, i will go
my name is Xavier Emmanuel Serrano
i am thirty-five years young
i have a five year old son who is my entire world
i just hope i will raise him to be a genuine and compassionate person
my name is Christopher Sanfeliz
i am twenty-four years young
i am a personal banker at J.P. Morgan Chase bank
i am very thankful to have Sundays off, especially tonight
my name is Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan
i am twenty-four years young
i am a proud mom and wife
my youngest baby is three months old
my name is Jean Carlos Nieves Rodriguez
i am twenty-seven years young
i just brought my first house
i just want my mom to live somewhere nice
my name is Edward Sotomayor Jr.
i was named after my father
i am thirty-four years young
i love my boyfriend and i love adventure
my name is Shane Tomlinson
i am thirty-three years young
i am the lead singer in a band
i love to bring music to the lives of others
my name is Martin Benitez Torres
i am thirty-three years young
last month, i enrolled in college
i hope to be a pharmacy tech
my name is Juan Rivera Velazquez
i am thirty-nine years young
i love being a hair stylist
 i love making people feel beautiful
my name Luis Vielma
i am twenty-two years young
i love my job, especially working on the Harry Potter ride at Universal
but one day i really want to become an EMT
my name is Jerald Arthur Wright
i am thirty-one years young
i have a huge family, both biological and my coworkers 
tonight i am celebrating my friend’s birthday
—  say their names
(cc, 2017)
Lust & Errors 05

Rated: M

Warning: Excessive graphic smut, age gap, recreational drug use, angst, slight dub-con.

Summary: Step brother, fuck buddy… They were one and the same now. But what started out as some mindless fucking game, quickly turns into something much more difficult and complex.

Note: well, well, well…. look what the fuck it is. lol this was over 25k but i removed an entire scene because it completely threw off the flow and i wasn’t happy with it but here’s 19k anyways :))))

Words: 19.7k

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05.

Seven twenty-three.

The clock taunted you, reminding you that this god foresaken party had hours left to go.

Amongst all of the sharp-dressed men and elegant women, you were the only young person in the vincity, no one being under the age of thirty five. It was awkward and boring because you literally had no one to talk to, on a casual-level that was.

Jimin would usually come to the parties just to save you from dying of bordem, but he had other plans tonight. Like almost every teenager on a Friday night, save for your stupid self.

Slowly, you made your way to the staircase and looked around, checking to see if anyone was paying any attention to you so they wouldn’t call out or question your departure. After failing to notice anyone paying attention, you sneakily made your way up the stairs - to your freedom.

On the way up, you couldn’t help but to feel like you were being watched, eyes trained on your back, but you figured it was just paranoia and continued upwards with quick steps.

Tonight your father was hosting one of the parties for his work, which at one point in time used to be glamarous in your eyes. Back when your mother was still alive, you looked forward to the parties because you and her always went shopping for new dresses and got your hair done, pampered yourselves for the special occasion.

Now, they were simply boring and quite honestly inconvenient.

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My recipe for spaghetti with tomato sauce, based on tonight’s performance:

1. Set pot on range.

2. Turn heating element to high.

3. Retrieve can of diced tomatoes from pantry.

4. Realise that can of diced tomatoes is four years past its best-before date.

5. Spend ten minutes rummaging in pantry to find slightly less expired can of diced tomatoes.

6. Finally locate can of diced tomatoes that doesn’t outgas when opened.

7. Upend diced tomatoes into pot, which I totally forgot was already over heat and has now reached a dull red glow.

8. Dodge with surprising agility for a thirty-five-year-old with a desk job as a sudden steam explosion propels sizzling chunks of tomato eight feet through the air, liberally splattering the spice rack on the opposite wall.

9. Decide to have spaghetti with basil instead.

Boyfriendzoned (Sweet Pea x Reader)

Originally posted by southsidebabesweetpea

Summary: When Jughead transfers to Southside High, the two of you immediately bond in your shared English class.  Little do you know that your long-time best friend Sweet Pea isn’t okay with that.

Word Count: 2207

Requested: by anon “can I request sweet pea imagine where you have been his bestfriend since you were kids and when Jughead moves to south side high you befriend him and sweets gets jealous and possessive finally telling you that he doesn’t want to lose you to jug?”

A/N: Please excuse how much my nerdiness shows in this one.  Seeing as I’m not actually employed with my English Teaching degree, I suppose I can put it to good use here.  As always, let me know what you think!

Requests are open! || Masterlist


“Shut up, Pea,” you laughed, shoving him. “It’s not my fault that I didn’t realize he was into me.”

Sweet Pea gave you a skeptical look. “Oh, really?  Y/N, he asked you to tutor him in Physics—you suck at Physics.”

You rolled your eyes. “I do not suck at Physics.  I’m just not awesome at it.  Even a B student tutoring you is better than nothing if you’re failing.”

“Yeah, but he wasn’t failing.  Admit it, Y/N, you’re just oblivious to social cues.”

You rolled your eyes and started eating lunch.  It wasn’t your fault that you never seemed to know when guys were flirting with you.  In your defense, it didn’t happen often at all—spending a lot of time with Sweet Pea and Fangs usually scared off all but the bravest guys.

“Real talk, Y/N, are you planning on staying single forever?” Fangs joked, trying not to laugh.

You groaned, wanting to drop your head onto the table in exasperation. “My god, you guys are brutal.  I’m focused on school right now, okay?”

“You’ve been saying that as long as I’ve known you,” Sweet Pea replied, grinning. “Which was like kindergarten.”

“Why do I even hang out with you guys?  Aren’t friends supposed to be supportive?”

“This is called tough love, Y/N,” Fangs said with a smirk. “My mom swears by it.”

I looked up at him, your smirk mirroring his own. “What?  Does she want your single ass to get a date too?”

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