thirsty pokemon

anonymous asked:

So I've read many posts and treatises that claim Zayn pined unrequitedly for Liam in the beginning of their relationship until Liam "figured it out," but I swear when I watch fetus footage of them (and I've watched A LOT) it sure looks like Liam was giving as good as he got, right from the start. What do you think, voice of Ziam reason?

hiiii!

I am completely flattered that you’ve stopped in my corner of the Tumblr webs!

 So I actually don’t buy the fandom lore that Liam was unaware as Zayn pined unrequitedly, listening to Dashboard Confessional and writing emo lyrics in his LiveJournal and wistfully looking at that photo of Liam with his top off from the 1D book that he loved:

I think they have a really beautiful friendship and seem to wholly understand each other in a rare way most people don’t. 

That said, a hoe knows another hoe, and I fully believe Liam employed the use of hoe tricks in the early days (and thereafter, but for the sake of this post not being 812 pages long, we’ll keep to the early days).

 Liam plotted and planned and giggled and shrugged.  Liam set out a lure and waited for poor, thirsty Pokemon Zayn to come to him  (he wanted to throw balls at him -  AMIRIGHT GUYS? GET IT?). 

*clears throat* Ok. I’m done now. Where was I? Ah yes!

Liam Payne’s Hoe Tricks Masterclass

Lesson 1: Seize Hoepportunities

Some say that local dogs as far as 100 miles away could hear Zayn’s internal screaming that day. 

I BET HE IS, LIMOTHY. I BET. 

That was totally a premeditated ass grab. 

Lesson 2: Play Coy

Liam J. Payne, with his innocent lamb face and patented Giggle Shrug™ knows how to play coy with a sharpness and cunning not to be messed with. Behold a master in his element, a Leonardo HoeVinci. 

There’s no scientific evidence to support my case, but I would put down my hard earned tuppence that Liam has used the Elle Woods  “Bend & Snap”. 

Liam is employing a hoe trick that has been used by masterful hoes for centuries: the lap squirm, a hoe trick that Liam would use dozens and dozens of times through Ziam history. 

Zayn, being pummeled by the waves of his own thirst, helpless against Liam’s masterful hoe tricks. 

Lesson 3: Go Big or Go Ho(e)me

In short, I fully believe that Liam knew exactly what he was doing. Liam Payne is not just top notch entertainer, a talented songwriter, and good human being. Liam is also a Masterful Hoe. 

Based on this post

I thought this was a kids game

Pokemon why do you bring me to tears!?
Freaking Chaz’s Machoke Macherie was in a BOX in the RAIN when they first met!!! And it CARRIES IT EVERYWHERE!!!
And I personally think everyone is wrong when they say “EVERYONES thirsty for Steven.” HA! NO WAY! EVERYONES THIRSTY FOR THE PLAYER!!!
Lisia, after winning the Hyper rank contest tries to tell you something, but is interrupted by Chaz and then says only will tell if you win the Master Rank. But involves you and her ONLY!
Steven says he’s fond of you.
Archie says something about a “relationship”
Wally wanting you as a rival
Brendan being nice to ya…..
THIS REGION.