thirdstar:mine

Letter of Augustus Waters
Letter of Augustus Waters

The Letter of Augustus Waters to Van Houten from The Fault In Our Stars by John Green:

Van Houten,

I’m a good person but a shitty writer. You’re a shitty person but a good writer. We’d make a good team. I don’t want to ask you for any favours, but if you have time- and from what I saw, you have plenty- I was wondering if you could write a eulogy for Hazel. I’ve got notes and everything, but if you could just make it into a coherent whole or whatever? Or even just tell me what I should say differently.

Here’s the thing about Hazel: Almost everyone is obsessed with leaving a mark upon the world. Bequeathing a legacy. Outlasting death. We all want to be remembered. I do, too. That’s what bothers me most, is being another unremembered casualty in the ancient and inglorious war against disease. I want to leave a mark. But Van Houten: The marks humans leave are too often scars.  (Okay maybe I’m not such a shitty writer. But I can’t pull my ideas together, Van Houten. My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.) 

Hazel is different. She walks lightly, old man. She walks lightly upon the earth. Hazel knows the truth: We’re as likely to hurt the universe as we are to help it, and we are not likely to do either. People will say it’s sad that she leaves a lesser scar, that fewer remember her, that she was loved deeply but not widely. But it’s not sad, Van Houten it’s triumphant. It’s heroic. 

After my PET scan lit up, I snuck into the ICU and saw her while she was unconscious. I walked in behind the nurse and got to sit next to her for like ten minutes before I got caught. I really thought she was going to die before I could tell her that I was going to die, too. I just held her hand and tried to imagine a world without us and for about one second I was a good enough person to hope she died so she would never know that I was going, too. But then I wanted more time so we could fall in love. I got my wish, I suppose. I left my scar.

What else? She is so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her. You don’t get to choose the ones you hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you.

I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.“

It’s 12:40 AM and I am bored so I did this. I’m sorry.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S season 10, somewhere in the middle of episode 9 (TOW the Birth Mother)… Most people seem to forget about this Mondler scene and only comment on Chandler’s speech about Monica towards the end of the episode. I don’t understand why, since I find those scenes equally powerful and meaningful.

Chandler’s speech about Monica is great. It shows how much he’s grown since they got together and that he would do anything to make the love of his life happy. Her happiness is extremely important to him and if he keeps making her happy he knows he will be happy as well. Monica didn’t change the person Chandler was; she just helped him overcome his fears and doubts and gradually she made him stronger by always supporting him and loving him. All those years they were together eventually resulted in them both wanting the same thing: a family, their own family, which would be complete once they had children.

The scene at the hotel they were staying when they went to meet Erica was the one that showed how much Monica has grown since the beginning of their relationship. Throughout the last 6 seasons we have seen her subtly letting Chandler take control of things that were always forbidden for anyone else. Of course her competitiveness and her obsession with cleaning never left her, but she learned to be more relaxed in many ways. She never made an important decision about their relationship; she either let Chandler decide when he was ready or they made the decisions together. She even reassured him that she didn’t expect him to worry about removing stuff or cleaning the apartment the wrong way when they moved in together. Chandler was her rock, just like she was his, but with Monica it wasn’t that easily noticed, because of her desire to always look strong. But she could never hide from Chandler and this scene shows how vulnerable she felt and how much she wanted to have a child. She had wanted it so much and for so many years that she could think straight at that moment. However, she listened to Chandler, let her guard down, told him he was right (which means that she admitted she was wrong) and let him hold her without trying further to change his mind and persuaded him that her way was the best. She pleaded with him to sign the papers and she was acting like she knew it was up to him; if he said no, they wouldn’t do it. This was also the scene that led to Chandler’s speech to Erica. Chandler knew having a child was very important to Monica and when he saw how devastated she was he couldn’t take it anymore and he had to do something to make things right.

In my opinion, both scenes represent their marriage: they depended on each other for all the important aspects of their lives, they loved each other so much that somewhere on the way they did things they could never imagine they would do and basically they were an inseparable team.