think i could train them for riding

It’s late now and I sit thinking of phone calls and “I miss you"s I should have responded to.
And I’m pouring myself over a bottle of wine and filling my room with smoke of old voicemails and letters.
These poems turn to ash in my mouth and burn while I write them but I can see you somewhere,
in the silhouette of the smoke they create.
And I’ve been trying to figure out where words fall when we need them most,
because I am looking for an "I will miss you” which fell,
somewhere between my spine and my heart.
And I wish I could have given them to you,
wrapped in gold pieces of the moon that I found after you ran it over with your car.
I’ve been riding the train and thinking about traveling to where ever it is you are,
but I don’t know where that place is, whether it is somewhere between my aorta and left ventricle,
or the purple and the grey that I found in the sunrise this morning.
There’s been so many nights that I’ve wanted to scream so many things to the stars,
and there’s been nights that I’ve wanted to take the painted sky and place it in between the spaces of my body filling the holes you left with starlight.
And right now I’m looking on WebMd for how to heal a broken heart,
the results say time but I don’t think they know how it could around your body and sinks it’s teeth into your skin,
ripping light from your lungs and leaving continets of scabs to heal.
Now, every morning I drink a cup of earl grey tea and I look for a hope in the ocean of my sheets,
that someday I’ll figure out how to begin.
—  To Heal - Grayson Herrg