think for yourself as much as possible

anonymous asked:

How would you describe yourself politically ? I'm guessing socialist of some sort sort but idk

i just say “leftist” now bc #leftunity but also bc i dont have the time or energy to read a bookcase of theory and figure out which niche of leftist thought i agree with most and tbqh i dont think any of that really matters that much at this point bc no matter how u slice it we are very very far away from any of that shit becoming a possible reality so i think squabbling over it on tungle dot edu is useless. i guess i would say im a socialist tho, in general terms

Questions for the signs:

WARNING: This is a long post!!

Aries:

• Do you feel unheard unless you are being over the top?
• Why do you jump into relationships so easily?
• How can you let people treat you so bad even though you give them your all?
• Can you not do things unless they attract danger?
• Will you every start thinking about the consequences of your actions?

Taurus:

• Will you ever let someone take care of YOU for a change?
• Why is it so hard for you to believe you are a good person?
• Do you stick to your ideas to come off as confident to cover up all you insecurities deep down?

Gemini:

• Will you ever learn to appreciate the people around you and realize everything they do for you?
• Do you care that you hurt people’s feelings when you leave them in the dust?
• When will you tell someone how you are actually feeling w out covering it up w humor?
• Do you know that there are people out there that will love everything about you even the bad things?
• Why do you run away from your problems?

Cancer:

• Will there ever be a day where you take full responsibility for your actions?
• Are you really stuck up or is that just a front?
• When will the day come where you stop being so passive-aggressive and actually tell people what you feel?

Leo:

• Will there ever be a day where you listen when someone asks you to give them space w out feeling like they hate you?
• When will you show someone your deepest insecurities and let them show you how beautiful you really are?
• Why are you so quickly angered?
• Do you know that when you are in a bad mood you take your anger out on others?

Virgo:

• Do you try to make your surroundings perfect to make up for the chaos in your own life?
• Why does showing any type of emotion repulse you?
• Will you ever be able to ask someone else for help w out feeling vulnerable?
• How can you continue to let others take advantage of your kindness and waste your time?
• Will there ever be a day where you actually tell someone how you feel about them?
• Do you know there’s a difference between sugar-coating something and taking other peoples feelings into account?

Libra:

• Why does it concern you so much to belong?
• Will you ever apologize to someone and mean it too?
• Why can’t you ever make a decision?
• Is it possible for you to ever say how you feel w out being fake and contradicting it to “be the middle man”?

Scorpio

• Why is getting even w someone so important to you?
• How can you say such horrible things about the people you once used to care so much for?
• Will you ever stop being a hypocrite and insisting people trust you when you will never do the same?
• Can you learn to know when its time to stop pitying yourself and just go out and get something better for yourself?
• Why do you think its ok to manipulate people into getting what you want?

Sagittarius

• How can you disappear from someone’s life for however long you want and return whenever you see fit?
• When will you learn to take other people’s feelings into consideration?
• Do you know that you can still appreciate yourself w out being narcissistic?
• Will you ever learn that some things are better left unsaid?

Capricorn

• How can you be so willing to stomp on those ahead of you to reach your goals?
• When will you learn to embrace emotions fully rather than just the logical side to things?
• Can you stop nagging and being bossy all the time to people fully capable of getting shit done on their own?
• Will you ever let someone take care of you for a change?

Aquarius

• Why do you feel you are so above everyone else?
• Will you ever say sorry and actually change your ways to be better?
• Why is it so hard for you to embrace love?
• Do you know that everyone is entitled to their own opinion regardless if its the same as yours or not?

Pisces

• When will you stop following other people and be your own person?
• Why do you put yourself in situations to be used and pity yourself when it happens?
• Will we ever see the day where you truly be yourself and not that front you show to everyone?
• Will you ever learn to watch your tongue when you are upset?

-Jay

*USE YOUR SUN AND MOON SIGNS*
The Three Laws of Fandom

If you wish to take part in any fandom, you need to accept and respect these three laws.

If you aren’t able to do that, then you need to realise that your actions are making fandom unsafe for creators. That you are stifling creativity.

Like vaccination, fandom only works if everyone respects these rules. Creators need to be free to make their fanart, fanfics and all other content without fear of being harassed or concern-trolled for their creative choices, no matter whether you happen to like that content or not.

The First Law of Fandom

Don’t Like; Don’t Read (DL;DR)

It is up to you what you see online. It is not anyone else’s place to tell you what you should or should not consume in terms of content; it is not up to anyone else to police the internet so that you do not see things you do not like. At the same time, it is not up to YOU to police fandom to protect yourself or anyone else, real or hypothetical.

There are tools out there to help protect you if you have triggers or squicks. Learn to use them, and to take care of your own mental health. If you are consuming fan-made content and you find that you are disliking it - STOP.

The Second Law of Fandom

Your Kink Is Not My Kink (YKINMK)

Simply put, this means that everyone likes different things. It’s not up to you to determine what creators are allowed to create. It’s not up to you to police fandom

If you don’t like something, you can post meta about it or create contrarian content yourself, seek to convert other fans to your way of thinking.  

But you have no right to say to any creator “I do not like this, therefore you should not create it. Nobody should like this. It should not exist.”

It’s not up to you to decide what other people are allowed to like or not like, to create or not to create. That’s censorship. Don’t do it.

The Third Law of Fandom

Ship And Let Ship (SALS)

Much (though not all) fandom is about shipping. There are as many possible ships as there are fans, maybe more. You may have an OTP (One True Pairing), you may have a NOTP, that pairing that makes you want to barf at the very thought of its existence.

It’s not up to you to police ships or to determine what other people are allowed to ship. Just because you find that one particular ship problematic or disgusting, does not mean that other people are not allowed to explore its possibilities in their fanworks.

You are free to create contrarian content, to write meta about why a particular ship is repulsive, to discuss it endlessly on your private blog with like-minded persons.

It is not appropriate to harass creators about their ships, it is not appropriate to demand they do not create any more fanworks about those ships, or that they create fanwork only in a manner that you deem appropriate.

These three laws add up to the following:

You are not paying for fanworks content, and you have no rights to it other than to choose to consume it, or not consume it. If you do choose to consume it, do not then attack the creator if it wasn’t to your taste. That’s the height of bad manners.

Be courteous in fandom. It makes the whole experience better for all of us.

How To: Develop Your Characters

I think we’ve all been in the situation where we want to write about a specific character but have no idea how to approach it. For some reason, despite them being your own character, you have no idea how they would act or what they would say in a certain situation. Sometimes, if you even write about your character(s) at all, when you read it back they seem fake or 2-Dimensional. Unrealistic, if you’d prefer.

In this post, I am going to give you some exercises to get past hollow characters and help develop your writing. 

1) Empty Their Pockets

Pretty simple. Think of what your characters would have in their pockets on a day-to-day basis. It doesn’t have to be anything super extraordinary, of course. Just start writing some everyday items down and think about whether your character would have these items in their pockets. 

Let’s take a look at one I did for my characters earlier. (sorry that just sounded like something from Blue Peter)

For example:

Character A’s Pockets Contained:

pack of gum, empty pack of cigarettes, library card, NOKIA brick phone

So, here a few things you can tell about Character A simply through the items in their pockets. They visit the library often, meaning that they probably have a high interest in reading (this also could be a sign of intelligence). Judging by the fact Character A has both a pack of gum and cigarettes this could indicate a potential smoking habit, chewing gum is a known way for helping people quit smoking. The pack of cigarettes could show that they are not very good at restricting themselves and could in fact be addicted and finding it hard to cope with smoking. Finally, the NOKIA brick phone shows how they may want to feel connected to people or want to allow their friends/family members/whoever to be able to contact them but have no desire to get the latest model of phone or perhaps believe that having such a device would distract them unnecessarily. 

When doing this exercise, think about key objects which portray certain details about your character! Try not to overthink it too much, write whatever comes to mind and put it down on the page! After writing down a couple objects, go back through them and feel free to edit out items you think are unnecessary or add items which you think would suit the character. 

2) Go Through Their Daily Routine

Again, another easily explained exercise. Go through a regular day in your character’s life, try and do this exercise as if it was happening before whatever events occur in your story or novel. This way it makes it easier to understand your character before they met a secondary character in the novel or before whatever events happened in your writing which may affect their routine. You don’t need to include every single detail in your description, just brief notes or key events which occur during their day would be fine. You can make it as short or as long as you wish, maybe don’t just do it for one day in your character’s week perhaps do it for multiple days. 

Does their routine change during the week? What time do they wake up? What time do they go to sleep? Are they punctual with going to work? Do they do any other activities outside their day-job? These are the kind of things you may want to ask yourself when writing it. 

3) Give Them Fears/Phobias

Everyone fears something: whether it be a phobia of spiders or oblivion, everyone has a fear. Giving your character a phobia makes them seem more realistic, it allows your reader to easily relate to your character.

However, just having a phobia for the sake of it doesn’t help develop your character at all. If you give them a terrible phobia of snakes and they come across a snake and suddenly within moments are able to get over their fear just like that, it’s not a phobia. It’s more of a mild inconvenience than anything else. The reader needs to feel convinced by their fears, they would feel more dissatisfied with your writing if they felt the character could dismiss anything and everything than knowing them being confronted by their fears could be a possible problem. Besides, it would give them no reason to motivate or encourage the character if they knew it was impossible for them to be defeated by anything. Still, this does not mean that your character has to be destroyed by their fear. There is a very big difference between simply dismissing your character’s fear and perhaps overcoming it in the future.

An easy way to write your character possibly overcoming their fear in the future is that when they first encounter that fear, add an element of chance or fate into it. For example, if a character were to move to get away from the creature which may be coming towards them; in the process of getting up, they could slip which could cause their legs to lash out towards the creature. The sudden movement may just be enough to scare the creature away, this way it does not appear to the reader as ridiculous or uncharacteristic courage but instead accidental bravery. This sudden revelation that the character’s horrible fear may not be as all powerful as they first thought could be the first step for them to slowly overcome that fear.

Don’t believe me? Let’s think about this for a moment. Imagine your character, let’s call them the Protagonist™, is stuck in a terrible situation. It doesn’t matter what the situation is but let’s say it’s something which involves them being trapped in a room with a snake. I’m going to give you two examples, both involving the same situation.

Example #1:

Protagonist watched with wide eyes as the snake slowly slithered towards them. The snake paused for a moment, it hissed lowly as it waited for Protagonist to move, waiting for the right moment to strike.  Not hesitating for a single moment, they suddenly realised how dire the situation was and jumped to their feet. Their heart pumping wildly as their body was filled with adrenaline, they were terrified yet they had to do something. Protagonist grabbed the nearest thing to them and stepped towards the snake.

“Get away!” They threatened, “Get away!”

Example #2:

Protagonist watched with wide eyes as the snake slowly slithered towards them. The snake paused for a moment, it hissed lowly as it waited for Protagonist to move, waiting for the right moment to strike. The blood in Protagonist’s veins ran cold as the snake grew closer and closer, Protagonist couldn’t move. They begged and screamed on the inside to move away, to get away as far as possible. They had lost all control of their movement, their fear had consumed them. They were frozen to the spot and could only watch as the snake widened it’s jaw, ready to bite down on it’s prey. It widened it’s jaw once, twice - suddenly, Protagonist gained back their instincts. Fleeing seemed like the only realistic option and seconds before the snake could chomp down on their ankle, Protagonist stumbled to their feet. They stumbled backwards into a puddle of water which had pooled behind them and their ankle rolled as they slipped, their legs accidentally lashing out towards the predator. The snake recoiled backwards in shock before deciding that the risk wasn’t worth it: it quickly retreated back to it’s nest, disappearing from Protagonist’s view.

Now, hopefully you see what I mean. I think we can all agree that the second example is a lot better than the first one. 

4) Create Their Flaws/Bad Habits

No one is perfect, this includes your characters. 

If you’re finding it challenging to think of any flaws, try to think of some bad habits. It doesn’t have to be anything so terribly bad that’s it’s illegal. Think simple when it comes to this exercise. It can range from anything between chewing their nails to swearing. 

It might help to try and develop these bad habits into possible flaws or weaknesses. If your character keeps biting their nails that might be a sign of nervousness or anxiety. So, creating bad habits might be a good way to show a certain trait your character may possess. 

Flaws are important as well. Let’s be realistic, if no character had any flaws then every single book we read would be filled with a bunch of characters which are exactly the same. Besides, what’s a hero without it’s villain? 

So, to give you a few ideas, let’s go back to superheroes. Maybe a hero is so set on doing the right thing that they lose sight of what they want? Perhaps it gets to a certain point where they can’t handle that hollow feeling inside of them that they grow arrogant, selfish or even stubborn? There’s a story for you right there. 

Not only that, by giving your characters flaws it is possible that you could work that into your story somehow. This way, not only will you get to show off your amazing character development, but it could also be an exciting point in your storyline.

Write down some ideas, think of flawed personality traits and just write them down! Try to write down at least five straight off the bat, for each one you don’t like you should think about why it doesn’t suit your character. You’re bound to find one flaw you’re happy with!

5) Write Some Scenarios

Now that you’ve developed your characters, go ahead and write them in your story! If you think you still need a bit of practice, try writing something about them being in a certain scenario. It could be anything from ordering their favourite coffee to being trapped in a prison: just write it! Try not to think about it too much, just do whatever feels write (I unintentionally made that pun but i’m not deleting it). 

It doesn’t have to be long either, just a couple paragraphs would be fine. Try to focus on body movements and interior thoughts, it would be ideal if your character was on their own in the situation: that way you can get to know the character on their own a lot better. No other characters means no distractions. It’s just you, the wonderful author, and your character - there is an endless amount of possibilities for you! 


Have faith in yourself too! Nobody knows your brilliantly developed characters better than you do, so here’s your chance to show them off! If you’d like a second opinion, write something about them and give it to a friend/parent/random stranger etc. to read! If they don’t want to, make them read it anyway! 

I hope this helps you all in developing your characters! 

Happy writing!

- jess

I believe it is entirely possible to love somebody too much; To give so much of yourself that you find you are almost empty with nothing but a longing to fill yourself with thoughts of them.
Make no mistake, love can be a destructive force… it can consume you to the point of imbalance… You can give so much of yourself away and take on so much of someone else that you become like a boat taking on water… I believe you can drown in a person if you let yourself. You can think them, breathe them, you can want to become part of them so badly you that it’s almost as if you no longer exist… you become them. Their desires are yours. Their hopes, their aspirations and their dreams become yours. You exist solely as an extension of them. You become utterly and completely absorbed by them… slowly, they become your everything.
And the danger of course in loving someone too much… in losing yourself so completely within someone else that you can no longer exist without them is that the moment you lose that person… you lose EVERYTHING…
How to Master a Stellium

The key to master a stellium is to over-correct until you’re comfortable with expressing traits opposite of what comes to you naturally. 

If you’re terrified of being alone, you should spend as much time by yourself as possible. If you find it natural to put yourself first, you should try prioritizing other people as much as possible. If you hate leaving your house, you really should get out more. 

Think of a scale weighted heavily on one side. You have to consciously, painstakingly add mass to the other end- hypothetical mass equivalent to that of celestial bodies- to find some semblance of balance. 

1st house: focus on other people, develop relationships, practice selflessness and empathy, look at the world from someone else’s eyes, look at other people as you would look at yourself, try hiding your emotions and intentions

2nd house: dig deeper, practice spirituality, detach from the world and your possessions as much as possible, rebel against tradition, practice generosity, don’t indulge vanity

3rd house: hold your tongue, listen, speak as little as possible, treat your siblings well, objectively revise your writing, don’t place excessive importance on grades

4th house: leave home, break from your family, detach from your emotions, acknowledge and dismiss your paranoid insecurities, be as direct as possible

5th house: shine the spotlight on other people, do community service and volunteer work, find a group of friends, avoid casual dating/sex, manage your ego and desire for attention

6th house: focus on the spiritual and subconscious, break your routine, prioritize your soul over your body, break rules, try drugs, avoid judging people, be more impulsive, get your nerves under control

7th house: seek solitude, be as independent as possible, put yourself first, practice selfishness, ignore others’ opinions, embrace your flaws, befriend your enemies

8th house: approach life practically, practice fiscal responsibility, avoid passion/jealousy, control obsessive tendencies, be careful when dealing with the occult/supernatural

9th house: spend more time at home, avoid drinking, gambling, and superficial friendships, try to be more responsible, practice thinking logically instead of philosophically, be careful when dealing with religion

10th house: develop hobbies and friendships, spend more time with family, stop caring so much about your reputation, aim to please yourself and do what you want rather than trying to prove something to the world

11th house: develop individuality, don’t let tie your identity to groups, think for yourself, don’t do things just because “it’s the norm,” spend less time on social media, stop trying so hard to fit in

12th house: stay grounded, do menial chores, take care of your body, make a conscious effort to eat healthy, shower daily, and exercise, infuse logical observation with emotional intuition 

and sweetheart,
i promise you
one day
someone will look at you
and see past all of the things
you think make you unlovable
and they will treat you
the way you deserve to be treated
they will be the kind of friend
you’ve always longed to have
they will hold you
as if you are the most precious thing in the world
(and you are)
and they will love you
in spite of your past
i promise
one day
it will happen

but until that day comes
don’t worry so much
about someone else falling in love with you
and focus on falling in love
with the way your chest rises and falls with life
with the way sunlight travels hundreds of thousands of millions of miles just to bring warmth to your day
with the way listening to your favorite song makes you feel as though you’re hearing it for the first time
with the way the stars have aligned in such a way that has made it possible for your life to intertwine with someone else’s
with the way your infectious smile can bring so much joy to others

instead of worrying
about someone else falling in love with you
just remember that it will happen
and focus on falling in love
with yourself first
—  and i guarantee, you aren’t as unlovable as you think you are
(cc, 2017)
❝ You are really perfect ❞

Plot:  You and Jimin fights, he calls you clingy and annoying and says he hates when you steal his clothes. So you begin to act “cold”, because you don’t want to be clingy and annoying, first he didn’t realise you stopped doing that but then he does and feels guilty and sad and you can keep going from that, so he makes it up to you.

Pairing: JiminxReader

Words count: 2,3k+

Genre: Slighty angst/Fluff in the end 

For anon, I hope you like it! - M. 

Gif isn’t mine, credits to the owner!

Everyone at the Big Hit building knew you, so when you came with snacks for everyone they could not do anything but love you even more.  

Immediately one of BTS’ manager told you that they were in the rehearsal room, so smiling you did a deep bow as a thanksgiving and you headed to the rehearsal room.  

It was the first time you visited the new building, but fortunately, a gentle lady pointed you in the direction you had to follow. They were all so polite and kind that you almost felt a rude person in comparison, even though your boyfriend kept saying you were the best person he had ever known.  

Trying not to drop anything, you didn’t want to waste the morning you spent cooking leaving the food on the ground, you’d better squeeze the heat bag in your hand and knocked gently on the blown glass door that divided the rest of the world from the Bangtan.  

A “c'mon” practically screamed at lungs gave you permission to enter and making, even more, attention you opened the door and entered, recognizing immediately Jungkook’s and Taehyung screams that greeted you enthusiastically.  

“Noooooona!” Jungkook ran to help you, perhaps more interested in the food than your presence but you could understand it. Surely they were practicing for hours and they had to be all hungry.  

“Hi Kookie, yes you can bring away the food….” You giggled as you approached the rest of the group, already trying to check what was in the bag. Check and scream of joy, because it was all homemade food and already just opening the zipper the scent was flared out.  

You’d fix better Jimin’s T-shirt you wore, you slipped it into skinny jeans because you were smaller and even lower than him, noticing only at that moment the slightly detached look of your boyfriend. Jimin wasn’t looking at you and it was almost a surprise because his smile was always the first thing to welcome you when you went to spend some time with them.  

“Aigoooo, Y/N, you cook better than Jin Hyung!” The voice of the leader rang in the room, making you laugh as you sat next to the pink-haired boy. You caressed his forearm, but the smile he made was visibly pulled so that you could be worried that something had happened before you arrived.  

He hadn’t touched food yet and didn’t seem intent on doing it, which pushed you to ask him what was going on.  

“Hey.. Something wrong, Chiminnie? ”  

“No.”  

You flinched slightly feeling his blunt response, while with the corner of the eye you would notice Namjoon’s gaze on you. He seemed worried and this did nothing but confirm your concerns.  

“Are you sure..?”  

“Y/N; Stop. I said there’s nothing wrong, can you just worry about your business for once?  

Keep reading

kidnapped/imprisoned starter sentences

“Not eating the food I give you is not going to make me give you nicer food.”
“You should be grateful I come down here and talk to you at all.”
“Listen to me or I’ll treat you even worse.”
“I picked you off the street because you were beautiful. You should feel flattered.”
“You don’t need freedom if I give you everything you need.”
“You can come out of the basement if you give me a very good reason to let you.”
“What’s this? Are you trying to get away from me? You should know better.”
“Get on your knees and pray I’ll forgive you.”
“Oh, you’re hungry? Sing me a song and you can have my leftovers.”
“Don’t cry, I’m keeping you safe down here, away from the world. You don’t need it. You only need me.”
“Freedom is a burden. You should be glad I took it away from you.”
“I bought you some new clothes. Please wear them tonight at dinner.”
“You don’t get to decide anything, understood? I make the rules and you obey them if you want to remain unharmed.”
“You’re nothing but a little doll I get to play with.”
“I own you.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to take away your virginity just like that. I’m saving it for something special.”
“I’m not going to kill you. Not yet.”
“If you’re good, you can shower with warm water today.”
“Crying won’t make me stop hurting you. It just encourages me.”
“You’re so young…”
“I love it when you scream, but I will only stop when you can’t scream anymore.”
“I’m sorry, I completely forgot you were still down here.”
“There’s someone coming to join me tonight. I’m sure you’ll be quiet, or I’ll have to kill my guest again and it’ll be your fault.”
“You’re going to have some company tonight. Try to think of him/her as your little brother/sister. I want you to do to him/her what I do to you, understood?”
“I’m bringing some friends along to show them how well trained you are.”
“How dare you talk to me like that. Wash your mouth, with soap. Now.”
“It’s been a pleasure watching you grow up. Your mummy and daddy would have been so proud of you.”
“I brought you some food. Now crawl over here and lick it out of the bowl like a good pet.”
“I think you should remind me why you’re worth keeping alive down here.”
“Tell me how much you love me and you can have your dinner.”

“Hello? Is anyone down here?!”
“Oh my god, what is this place? How can you still be alive? I’ll get you help! Please hold on.”
“You don’t have to hide from me. I’m trying to help you. I won’t hurt you, I promise.”
“What happened to you? How long have you been kept here?”
“Hello? Where am I?! Who are you?”
“Have you ever tried to escape? Do you think it’s possible if we work together?”
“It’s the police! Show yourself!”
“Is that really you? Oh my god, I found you, I can’t believe I found you…”

Love cannot take, for it can only give.
Love cannot hurt, for it can only nourish.
So love. Love as much as you possibly can, and make the world shine that much brighter.
—  Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin

if you were abused or are being abused by your parents as a minor you have probably heard something along the lines of “I do so much for you and I get THIS in return?” or “you’re so lucky to have everything you want!” or even “you don’t think about anyone but yourself”

but they’re wrong. they’re so wrong. they tell you this so you find nothing wrong with the way they’re treating you. and consequently you no longer feel you deserve the things every human being deserves and need to live:

love. love for oneself especially is a big one. your parents betrayed your trust and abandoned you emotionally and if the people you are taught to trust betray you, then how can you possibly think we’ll of yourself?

but you are so good. you are good and kind and have survived so many things no one should have to be put through. you are beautiful and strong and deserve all the love and care in the world. if you can’t convince yourself of it on your own yet hear me now:

you ARE good. you ARE kind. you DO deserve kindness and love.

@zacharyquinto: i can’t stop thinking about how much you’ve evolved and expanded these past four years. how easily you’ve stepped into yourself with powerful intuition and confidence. watching you grow is one of my greatest pleasures and learning from you is one of the greatest gifts. your beauty is unparalleled - inside and out. your inherent goodness is a constant inspiration. and your wisdom is beautifully humbling. saturn returns to carry you into your full potential with power and limitless possibility. i cannot wait to watch you embrace it all. i love you so much. happy birthday my love @milesmcmillan

Ask Away Fuckers

NSFW Asks
1:When did you lose your virginity?
2: Rough sex or soft sex?
3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?
4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?
5: Favourite sex position?
6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?
7: Have you ever had any one night stands?
8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?
9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?
10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?
11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?
12: How often do you have sex?
13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?
14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?
15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?
16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?
17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?
18: Are you into dressing up for sex?
19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?
20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?
21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?
22: Do you/would you use sex toys?
23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?
24: Would you have sex with your best friend?
25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)
26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?
27: Early morning sex or late night sex?
28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?
29: Favourite body part on the same sex?
30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:
31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:
32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]
33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:
34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:
35: Worst possible time to get horny:
36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?
37: How much fapping is too much fapping:
38: Best sexual complement you ever got:
39: Favorite foreplay activities:
40: What do you wear to bed?
41: When was the first time you masturbated:
42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?
43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?
44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?
45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?
46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?
47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?
48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)
49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?
50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?
51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?
52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?
53: Do you watch porn?
54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?
55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?
56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?
57: If you could give yourself head, would you?
58: Booty or Boobs?
59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)
60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?
61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?
62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?
63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?
64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)
65. What is your bra/penis size?
66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?
67. When was the last time you masturbated?
68. When was the last time you had sex?
69. When was the last time you watched porn?
70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?
71. Guys:Circumsized?
72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?
73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?
74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?
75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?
76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?
77. Which wet dream was your favorite?
78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?
79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?
80. Favorite sexual position?
81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?
82. Are you into any BDSM?
83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?
84. Do you like dirty talk?
85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?
86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?
87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?
88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?
89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?
90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?
91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

Keyleth and the Art of Grief

Sorry for the long post, I have a lot on my mind. Spoilers for the latest episode of Critical Role ahead.
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Kiki needs love and support. Her world is crumbling around her. She has a duty to her people & now the entire world. The man she loves is on borrowed time, sworn to leave once Vecna is defeated. IF he can be defeated.

And as if she wasn’t in enough pain, now two of her best friends had run off at some point and got married without telling anyone. She’s upset because she knows it’s something that she’ll never get to have, to experience.

I know many people are put off by her supposedly sudden aggression toward everyone, but isn’t that the case in real life? When someone flies off the handle, they’re hard to be around.

But that is precisely why she needs love and support. Not being bashed or scolded for her choices. Not being coddled or told lies that “everything’s gonna be alright”. Just held until her seething rage gives way to her grief.

Imagine seeing a loved one die, only for them to come back with an expiration date tagged on. You know you have to let them go, and it’s not going to be easy. Wouldn’t it be easier to just distance yourself now so it doesn’t strike when you least expect it? For myself I would spend as much time as possible, but I am not Keyleth.

Keyleth has become a broken woman, whose anger is directed at herself rather than her friends. She’s angry with herself because all she can feel for their happiness is bitterness, and that isn’t who she is. She knows that.

Loss can change a person like nothing else. And losing is the only thing she thinks she’s good at anymore. It’s not true, but grief and rage can blind a person. I hope for her sake that her friends can help her out of this pit of despair.

Too Much

MASTERLIST

Requested: no A/N: I’m in Norway so this is a planned post. p>

Word count: 2,239

My back was resting against the soft, white pillow. I pulled the covers higher, covering my entire body. I felt cold, but it had nothing to do with the temperature in the bedroom, it was all about the enormous fight Shawn and I had earlier. Fighting with him always made me feel so cold, so tired and completely drained from any sort of energy. I was reading a book or at least trying to, but I hardly managed to read a single page.

Honestly, I just needed something to distract me from the fact that Shawn had left the apartment in anger and I hadn’t heard from him since.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

If someone adapted to your drawing style, should they give you credit??

Hmmm, I’m not sure how to answer this question…

Let me think. Theoretically, when I only started, I took A LOT of inspiration from burdge. There were times when people mentioned my style looked very similar to her, quite strongly. I gave credit whenever I took inspiration from one of her drawings (sometimes they led me to ideas and situations); but overall I drew it freehand, not using Burdge’s art as a reference. BUT I really REALLY wanted to branch off from that style, because I wanted to be myself.

If there was someone who adapted to my style, but with no intention to really change it, and not taking anything from themselves or other artists (so their style resembles mine as much as it’s physically possible) I think it might be kind of…credit worthy in a way? Or maybe not, it’s like. When someone’s style resembles the style of another artist who “was there first” people will notice anyway. The resemblance (even a slight one), is usually very striking, not to mention the whole style adapting. 

THOUGH. I think there would be the difference between “adapting to someone’s style” and “adapting someone’s style to yourself”. I think the majority of people start with adapting to someone’s style, when they start drawing, but they don’t yet have a good understanding of what they do and who they are. I guess with time, even if someone used a certain artist’s style most of the artists want to develop their own way of doing things. 

I can say with honesty I am not a big fan of people adapting to my style, but I always remind myself that they might be in the beginning of their journey, and they might really want to find something unique and their own, but it doesn’t happen over night, so I should never judge them for the point they are at this moment I see them.

That’s why I guess it’s never a good thing to bash someone in a name of a certain artist. Even if you see that resemblance to someone’s style, when it’s “not credited”, I don’t think it’s worth all the yelling. Unless it’s straight up tracing, of course. Though even then it might not be worth it.

Uh, anyway. I’m still not sure how to answer your question, I’m sorry. I guess…As long as someone doesn’t trace my drawing, and only takes inspiration from the style, it doesn’t have to be credited. Hopefully this person will realize eventually they don’t want to be the second someone.

54 Writing Prompts.

1. “It wouldn’t be the first time you broke a promise.”
2. “You know how I feel about birthdays.”
3. “You can’t ask me to do that.”
4. “Oh, you scared me!”
5. “You’re jealous, aren’t you?”
6. “You really… That’s not exactly meant to be eaten.”
7. “This is my favorite song!”
8. “You’re so drunk.”
9. “It doesn’t matter, I’m not leaving you.”
10. “It’s just that… Well, my favorite character just died.”
11. “Don’t be stupid.”
12. “Of course I love you.”
13. “Don’t you ever do that again!”
14. “Have you ever thought about… like… us?”
15. “If we die, I’m going to kill you.”
16. “I can’t believe you’d do something like this!”
17. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
18. “You’re my favorite muse.”
19. “Don’t worry about it, I got it.”
20. “I promise, it’s just this once.”
21. “You owe me.”
22. “What, you scared I’ll kick your ass again?”
23. “Is that my shirt?”
24. “Wanna go for a drive?”
25. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”
26. “Fancy meeting you here.”
27. “You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into, do you?”
28. “Well, this is awkward.”
29. “Give it back!”
30. “Do you think you could just please go one day without pissing me off?”
31. “Why are you crying?”
32. “Just this once, okay?”
33. “You’re really soft.”
34. “Is it possible to love too much?”
35. “I will always be there protect you.”
36. “The stars look especially lovely tonight.”
37. “May I have this dance?”
38. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
39. “All I want is you.”
40. “You look incredible in that.”
41. “Sometimes I just can’t control myself when around you.”
42. “Do you believe in love at first sight?”
43. “I think I’m in love.”
44. “I’d like it if you stayed.
45. "I have never felt this way about anyone.”
46. “Can I kiss you?”
47. “I waxed the floors, grab your fluffy socks.”
48. “My parents are coming over in 10 minutes so please put some clothes on”
49. “I’m really drunk, please help me.”
50. “This is probably a bad time, but marry me?”
51. “We’ve become the clingy newlyweds you always complained about. ”
52. “I think you might be pregnant.”
53. "Shh… I’m sleeping.”
54. “Why wasn’t I invited to your wedding?”

Too often, we put limitations on ourselves based on what we think we can and cannot possibly achieve. Although, what we perceive to be our own limit falls short of what we are actually capable of. Push passed your end point. Break records. You have so much potential.

Petals pt. 2 - Bucky x Reader

PAIRING: Bucky x Reader

WORD COUNT: 7,900+

WARNING: references people being sick A LOT

➳ A soulmate & hanahaki (The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love.) au

Author’s Note: So… this took me a while. Please be patient with me guys, I have a job and stuff now, I have an art blog as well. I’m busier than I once was lol. Still doesn’t mean I’m not sparing every minute I can for my Marvel bae’s. I suspect I’ll be writing a Tom Holland-Spiderman ficlet soon, so if you have any ideas feel free to send them ma way ^^ Anyway, enjoy!

It did not take you long to get drunk, your body conjuring a fervent desire for one night only to douse the petals in alcohol and keep them stuck to the bottom of your stomach as a result. It had become your addiction for the night. Every time you saw Steve, Shaon or Bucky you would drink. This lead to your night coming to a close in a very degrading way.

The celebration was coming to a close so most of the guests had already left, except for you who was spread eagle on a couch gurgling out drunken fueled mumbles. Natasha was the one who found you and she swiftly moved to hiding any evidence of your drunken stupor, knowing that if Steve were to find out he would become worried and too kind. It wasn’t that Steve’s kindness was a bad thing, it just was when it came to you; he would quite literally kill you with kindness, his caring nature would puncture your skin a thousand times and when the blade is inevitably pulled out yellow carnation petals would leak from your wounds rather than petals.

It wasn’t that Natasha cared or even recognised what you must have been feeling, she could just recall times when she had to hide her disease and you’d help. She was finally getting round to returning the multiple favours you’d supplied her.

You didn’t make it any easier for her though, you fought with all your might (which wasn’t all that much considering you were a drunkard) making the removal of your body from the party very time consuming.

She managed to get you to the doorway when both Steve and Sharon appeared, ready to say their goodbyes and give thanks that you and Nat had come to the celebration.

The surprise attack left Natasha with very few options. You were a ticking time bomb. Words crafted by shards were settled on your tongue, ready to be thrown out so their sharp edges could bring damage to everyone in the room. If Natasha could feel anger than you would have been severely harmed.

Thankfully a white knight entered the doorway at the perfect time (or rather, a maroon knight that was more of a soldier than a knight) eyes scanning over all the faces and evaluating the situation.

“There you are,” he blurted out, eyes all turning to look at him. Their uncertain gazes matching the diffident feeling that settled inside of him, the only outward sign of this emotion being the way he tightly clenched his metal fist, endangering the life of his car keys. “Let’s go.”

As Bucky stepped forward to take your hand so did Steve, getting a hold of your floppy limb first and vocalising the confusion that everyone seemed to be feeling. “Go where?”

You might have been able to afford some confusion over the situation if you hadn’t been taken by Steve’s hand being flush against yours.

“To hers. I promised her earlier that I’d take her home seen as I haven’t drunk anything.” The lie passed through his lips stiffly, feeling like lumps on his tongue. “Problem?” He challenged, eyes gazing at Steve warily.

The mx of alcohol and Steve’s hand had sent you into a different world that kept you unaware of what was happening. Your feeble heart was racing frenziedly and you couldn’t stop the flowers from growing inside your stomach, aware that the urge was only going to grow and get stronger the longer you had the physical contact with Steve.

But he was so there. His hand was as expected, the fingers large and bringing a warmth to whatever they touched. And they were soft. Maybe it was the super soldier serum, maybe it was because your view of him was warped because of your one-sided connection or maybe it was because he was Steve, but either way he had perfect hands. Nowadays nobody had hands like his, people had calluses and scars, red welts from hard work and beneath their nails was grime that no amount of washing would get to. Steve’s hands were smooth and soft, like an infant’s.

Most nights your mind is filled with dreams of those hands searching your skin and the reminder of those teams is enough to bring tears to your eyes.

A deep exhale suddenly escaped your lips when you felt a warmth against your free hand. You became completely frozen as Bucky’s fingers brushed yours, grasping them hesitantly, softly, almost afraid of your reaction as he tried to convey some sort of reassurance. The touch brought you back to reality and the crushing in your chest was not so heavy anymore, strangely alleviating as his hold turned firmer and more confident.

Bucky’s hand felt like sandpaper or perhaps stone, rough and unfinished but strong, and not as cold as one may be led to believe. You could easily imagine that a pinprick to his hand would be unfeeling.

He guided you out the door, gently but at a pace far too swift, not giving you the chance to say goodbye to Steve or Sharon. This was a good thing.

As soon as the two of you were outside he dropped your hand, the action making you pause and stand in one spot, eyes watching his figure continue down a path until he reached a car and turned back to face you. “Are you coming?”

Feeling far too anxious to argue with him you nodded your head and began to follow him, the only issue was that the drunken haze turned the straight line he’d walked down into a torrential path that curved in extraordinary ways which your feet simply could not coordinate through. The result of this being you tripping over your own feet.

Reacting as any super assassin would, he instinctively stepped forward and grabbed your arms, pulling you back up so instead you fell forward into his chest.

Your chin rested against his shoulder, ars limp in his stronghold and body rigid against his.

And then it all came up, the flourish of movement for those few seconds had been too much and it caused the flowers to come up. Thankfully you’d regained enough control of your body in confusion to move away from Bucky before releasing your torments.

There was something different about these petals.

The usually incandescent yellow was a grimy borderline green shade, the petals themselves wrinkled and bent. All shows of softness gone. All signs of divinity gone and that was because there was nothing beautiful about this version of you. The version of you that was spoiled by alcohol and afflicted with the need to push down your true self. Your glitch self.

At least Bucky was there, hands - that had become accustomed to your body after only five minutes - placed themselves on your back and rubbed smooth circles. You thought you heard him whisper something along the lines of: “You’re going to be okay.”  But you ignored him with ease as your own sobs began to fill your ears.


Bucky had eventually carried you into his car. Even after you’d finished ridding your stomach of the poisoned petals, you felt far too sickened and saddened by the alcohol. With your delirious mind Bucky had suspected you were about to curl up on the side of the road and so he’d seen no other option. He’d grabbed a hold of you bridal style and put you inside of his car.

Your crying lasted another ten minutes but you began to hush eventually, the sobs turning to cries turning to whimpers turning to hiccups. When you became silent Bucky did not speak to you, in fact the rest of the ride was just endless silence except for half way through when he realised that he actually had no idea where you lived.

Bucky didn’t seem to you like the type to own a car. You could envision with with a motorcycle or perhaps a sports car - from what you could tell SHIELD would pay their agents pretty well, especially if they were a superhero. It’s not like they didn’t deserve to live comfortably after facing uncomfortable things like Hydra or Ultron - but this car was just a frumpy red one, the kind a twenty-year-old hipster would buy as it was all he’d earn from his job at a cafe and the earnings he’d get for the writing he did spare time. It all just seemed so humble for him.

Throughout the car ride it felt like you were both paying far too much attention to each other, taking glances whenever possible and musing over what they were thinking or feeling. And eventually that became frustrating for you.

The car slowed to a halt outside your apartment building which seemed to have changed before your very eyes into a haven, somewhere that would save you from all the insanity you’d undergone through the night.

Bucky got out of the car first, confusing you and causing you to rush to get yourself out as fast as possible. What you did not realise was that Bucky was enacting a habit he had back from before Hydra got him, a habit he’d all but forgotten about as this was his first casual encounter with a woman since being freed from the insanity Hydra had caused him.

He watched with wide eyes, the uncomfortable feeling that had been clenching his belly since the beginning of the night now tightening. Meanwhile you walked passed him with your eyes fixed on the ground, avoiding his gaze as best you could. The only glimpse of him you got was his shoes and you were more than happy to have that be the last thing you see of him; but then you reminded yourself of what had happened, what the super soldier had seen and all of a sudden you just couldn’t let him slip away. If you were to let him leave knowing the things he did than he may blurt them out to Steve.

“I know what you think you saw tonight,” you started, voice coming out worn after being harmed during your puking session. “But it really isn’t what you think. I mean, yes I am a glitch, but I’m not broken or anything.” Lie. “I’ve actually been dealing with it quite well.” Lie. “It’s just tonight I had a bit too much to drink, that’s all it was.” At least that part had been kind of true. “If you could just keep it between us then that would be great-”

“White lillies.” Bucky interrupted you, eyes not moving away from yours even though they did everything in their power to avoid his. You’d taken to staring at lips, though they didn’t particularly interest you like Steve’s they were still nice to look at. For someone who had been repeatedly encased in ice for most of his adult life, they looked warm. The two pillows that were almost always put together in a straight line were a pinkish colour, their colour so similar to the shade of a rose that in they could easily have been mistaken for two petals. They really did not suit the rough exterior he had, with his stubbled chin and the bags under his eyes. And yet, it all came to complete something dark, mysterious and oddly attractive.

“W-What?” You stuttered out, becoming bewildered by the thoughts going through your head and his sudden interruption.

“My flowers are white lilies.” He showed no emotion as he confessed this and because of that it took you a few moments to fully understood what he was confessing. And then it clicked.

He was a glitch.

“Oh.” You didn’t really know how to respond.

You’d seen the ways others would respond to glitches, once in a restaurant whilst you were with Steve and a few other friends actually. The waitress had that familiar red print on her wrist. Even though she’d wandered up to the table with a beaming smile and a welcoming behaviour, everyone’s eyes had just been drawn to that unwanted display on her wrist which announced to the world her biggest issues. You could never forget the way Steve had gaped at the waitress, and sometimes you’d even have nightmares where you’d be stood in the waitresses place and facing the judgemental stare off of him instead.

And it hadn’t just been your table that had been rude to her for something she had no control over. As she’d walked away after gaining your orders someone on a table near yours yelled out an order for a drink, with no petals in it. The mocking words had earned him unrestrained laughter from the friends on his table as well as some chuckles from others spotted in the restaurant. Thankfully no one that you were sat with.

It hadn’t been difficult to notice the waitresses robotic movements and vacant eyes, her smile too wide and too practiced. Just like yours.

You didn’t want Bucky to think that you were judging him as harshly as the others but at the same time you just didn’t know the appropriate way you’d want someone to respond. And so you left, running up into your apartment and slamming the door shut so Bucky wouldn’t be able to run after you, even though you doubted he would do such a thing.

When you got into your apartment you raced to get to the window and tried to see if Bucky was still in the parking lot. He was. For a moment it just seemed like he was going to stand there, but then he raised his metal hand and brushed it through his hair. The shadows hid his expression from you, making you curse under your breath as you were desperate to know if you’d accidentally insulted him or something. You really hadn’t intended to.

After that night the memory stuck with you for quite a while. You’d replay your response over and over again in your head, causing red to tint your cheeks. Sometimes you’d even verbally groan and whine about how stupid your behaviour had been. Soon enough it all became unbearable, but you still didn’t want to have to face him again and so you did the next best thing.

You tried not to think too much about your actions when you arrived at Natasha’s home, knocking on her door and probably interrupting her doing some work stuff seen as she opened the door with a sharp glare nestled deep in her eyes. You didn’t hesitate when asking for Bucky’s phone number, trying to ignore the embarrassment that was slowly building up inside of you as she gave you a mildly curious look. You were glad she didn’t ask about it though, barely exchanging words with you whilst you saved the number into your phone. You said a quick thank you and quickly left to return to your own apartment.

But even during the bus ride home it was completely useless. No matter where you were, bus, bath or bed, your fingers simply refused to type a message and so instead you watched as days passed and you spent them wallowing in your own thoughts, the thoughts usually relating to that mortifying memory of what occured with Bucky. You tried to drown yourself in your job to distract you from the thoughts and it seemed to be working pretty well until on one Friday morning you received a text from Steve.

Hey Y/N, I’m clearing the last of my stuff out of my apartment and was hoping you could come and help me. I find some cool stuff you might be interested in.

Though your fingers had not texted Bucky when you wanted, they decided they would text Steve that absolutely you would be there even though a part of you wished to be on an island far away from the man you’d never be able to have.


You were already acquainted with the apartment building Steve lived in, having been there many times beforehand. You always ended up arriving early, your eagerness to see Steve making you more than punctual. As per usual you tried to walk slowly (climbing the stairs rather than taking the elevator) but when you arrived he still greeted you by saying: “Ah, you got here early!”

The reaction from you was automatic, sweaty palms, a giant smile and an ache in your belly that was both painful and pleasant. You stepped into his room when he permitted you to. “You probably won’t notice much of a difference, most of the furniture already belonged to the apartment. I’m still emptying out my room though. Thank you, again, for coming to help me.”

Steve’s voice was warm and chipper as he led you towards his bedroom which looked creepily empty, his bed and desk were still there but there but that seemed to be all, in the middle of the room were six carelessly laid boxes, some of them open and revealing clothes or trinkets. You even spotted the Captain America action figure you’d jokingly bought him years ago, a gift you thought he would have thrown out a long long time ago.

Not wishing to concentrate too long on the memories which hold far too much importance to you and far too little importance to Steve, you think up a conversation. “Where’s Bucky?” You ask about his (now ex) roommate whilst following him towards one of the boxes, you push the thoughts of your shared night with his roommate to the corners of your mind, knowing you’d just feel embarrassment. Steve crouched down and you imitated him, eyes becoming fixated on his large hands and the black print of Sharon Carter’s name on his wrist.

“In his room.” Steve shrugged, sending you a resigned look whilst his lips stretched up into a saddened smile for his best friend. Bucky had said he was fine with living in separate places, said he was fine now, but almost everyone knew it was a lie. “I wanted to spend some more time with him seen as I’m moving out and all but apparently he still prefers to lock himself up. I know he’s going to miss me, though. I won’t leave until he says it.” Steve’s chuckle makes you smile contentedly, heart beating placidly at the sight of his blissful expression.

“I’m sure he will miss you,” you agreed with him, laughing along.

“If he doesn’t then I’ll just miss you for him,” you added, biting your lip at the way your voice came out softer than intended. Steve didn’t seem to notice as he continued to open the box right in front of him, his eyes gleam excitedly.

“I’m not going that far anyway,” Steve muses once the laughing had ended, and then his concentration fell onto the box in front of him. It was an open one with a book sitting on top of the rest of the stuff which had just messily been thrown in. “Anyway, this was the reason why I wanted you to come over, do you recognise it?”

He lifted up the book and it clicked instantly in your mind exactly what it was. Another present that you’d given to Steve which wasn’t a joke for once, it was an album of pictures you’d made with your two hands, believing that when you were old and grey and married to Steve it would be something nice to look back on. That was before your name turned red of course.

You had no time to prepare yourself before Steve shuffled closer towards you, beginning to flick through the multi colored pages which were decorated with memorabilia. You’d often go on day trips with Steve to explore America and get him reacquainted so it was mostly a collection of those adventures. “That was my favourite,” he suddenly said, resting on a page which was dedicated to your adventures on this random beach you’d found. You ended up camping out on it together, just the two of you as it was basically deserted excepted for a wreckage of a very old looking ship which was also photographed.

Steve takes out the picture you’d taken together which beheld a younger version of you who could be seen smiling colorfully as you hold a humongous seashell between your hands. You barely pay attention to the image though, instead you are too busy noticing the way Steve is staring at your picture, eyes deep as he slides them from your past version to the blank mask of your present self. “You looked so happy,” he muttered, voice full of emotion as he put the picture back down. You could feel a flush rise up your neck as a million thoughts raced your mind, eyes trying to find a hidden gleam in his eyes that was probably not there and never going to be.

All of a sudden he cleared his throat, closing the book and putting it back in the box. “There’s something else I wanted to talk to you about. It’s about Bucky.”

“Is he okay?” You wondered, relieved at the change of topic as that sharp pang in your chest was starting to fade again. You unconsciously put a hand on top of your belly, beginning to feel the fluttery petals heavy in your stomach as you waited for Steve to continue.

“He is. I just can’t help but feel a little worried,” he glanced back at the door of the room, making sure that Bucky wasn’t anywhere close enough in the vicinity to overhear the conversation you were about to have. “I insisted on finding him another roommate so that he’s not alone all the time but he insisted I don’t.” Steve sighed, hands beginning to fidget in his lap, “Bucky is someone who can get by perfectly on his own, but he’s also the kind of person who shouldn’t be left alone for too long. It’s just, with what happened at the engagement party, it seems you two are kind of close.”

You nod your head, not letting on just how much you actually understand Bucky’s situation.

“I’m afraid he’ll lock himself up again when I leave. So I was wondering if you could check up on him? From time to time? I don’t mean everyday, and I’m only asking you because you’re the closest one to him after me. He doesn’t really have friends-”

“Of course I can,” you agreed immediately, returning the hopeful smile that Steve directed at you after hearing your reassuring words. The way his eyes had flooded with contentment made you feel both gratified and hurt, and the way you suddenly realised how you’d probably agree to any of his words was frightening. It was painfully obvious, how you would do absolutely anything to keep that gleeful look on his face at all times.

“Thank you.” Steve thanked you softly and you just shrugged, not really knowing a suitable response. It had yet to hit you that you’d just signed up to spend time with a man who you felt extremely uncomfortable around, your mind too absorbed with the fact that you were making Steve happy.

“It’s fine. Anything for you,” the words spilled out too easily and it made your heart race erratically, nervousness only growing sharper when Steve let out a laugh.

“You’re one of my best friends Y/N,” he suddenly said, hand reaching out and squeezing your shoulder. You hoped he didn’t notice the way you tensed up under his touch. “Ah, I’m sorry, I guess moving out turns me really emotional.”

You swallowed down the lump (or petals, you weren’t entirely sure) in your throat, your fingers brushing your chest as a way to try to ease the clenching. “You’re just moving a couple blocks away.”

“Don’t tell Sharon but I actually prefer smaller apartments. The one she picked is too big.” He said quietly, as if trying to keep it a secret even though you were the only ones in the room. You still smiled at his playful eyes, feeling even more petals swirling uncomfortably as you tried to keep them down.

“I won’t,” you choked out a laugh, a strange noise that barely passed as a chuckle. Steve, as charmingly oblivious as he always was, only continued to smile, staring curiously as you suddenly got up. “I’m just going to pop to the bathroom.”

“Sure! You can help me carry this box to my car when you get out.” You nodded at his chirpy words, trying to keep your feet from running as you got out of Steve’s empty bathroom.

Much like how they did a couple of days ago, the petals flew out of your mouth the moment you stepped inside the small bathroom and you hugged the toilet almost desperately as the petals piled up progressively. You soaked on the temporary numbness as the familiar shaking took over your body, eyes unfocusing as you tried to fix them on the colourful petals. They were a beauty that you’d never stop marvelling, so strange and dangerously enthralling. You actually found it rather ironic how they were the outcome of pain from unrequited love, a sharp and merciless feeling that couldn’t compare to the smoothness and gentleness of the petals. You took one into your hand, silently wondering why you couldn’t be as beautiful as them, still coughing slightly as you waited for the heaving to finally vanish.

“Oh…”

You turned at the sudden noise that had been so quick and soft that you weren’t really sure how you were able to hear it in the middle of your loud thoughts. Your eyes widened when you spotted Bucky’s surprised one’s. Your heart skipped a beat when you noticed that you’d foolishly left the door open in your panicked rush to reach the toilet and empty out the petals.

He was holding onto the doorknob tightly, staring down at your limp form which was still hugging the toilet. It was at that moment when another wave hit you and more yellow petals came spilling out of your mouth, no way for you to restrain them as Bucky continued to gaze openly. You tried to control yourself from hurling again, mortification flooding you thickly as you looked up at his frozen figure. You couldn’t help but think about how this was the second time you’d inconvenienced him with your illness. He was still staring, metal arm gripped in a fist whilst the rest of his body seemed unsure as to what to do. “I- do you need-” words seemed to stutter out of his lips that he had no control of.

“Bucky!” Steve’s voice made Bucky snap his head towards a spot which you couldn’t see, all you could do was be acutely aware of your heart thumping so strongly that it barely allowed you to hear the conversation outside of the bathroom. “Have you seen Y/N? She told me she’d go to the bathroom, but it’s taken her a while…”

He doesn’t finish his thought as Bucky is quick to reply, “no.” He slipped out the lie with a quick easiness that reminded you of your own regular blank facade. “I haven’t seen her.”

“Ah… strange. Well, I’ll take this box to the car, and give her a call later. I’ll see you tomorrow though, okay?”

Bucky nods mutely, eyes fixed on a faraway spot where you hear fading steps that stop when the main door is opened and closed shut. You couldn’t help but exhale in relief, curling your hands into fists as you grimaced at the cold sweat that coats your palms profusely.

The brunette is still there in the doorway and you’re not quite sure whether to be relieved or unnerved. “They’re very pretty,” he said.

You looked up in surprise, noticing his eyes are fixed on the petals that were scattered on your lap. You snort, grabbing one of them and giving it a dry look. “Thanks.”

“Is it Steve?” You winced at his blunt question, choosing not to answer as you diverted your eyes from his wide, curious gaze. Eventually, after a few awkward seconds, he left. Leaving you to stare at the empty space outside of the slightly opened door in deep confusion.

Just as you started to pick up the petals strewed on the floor Bucky returns, steps hesitant as he slowly entered the bathroom with a drink between his hands. His eyes were still wide and nervous as he crouched down, joining you on the floor  whilst silently extending his hands towards you. “Lemonade,” he explained, gnawing on his bottom lip dubiously. “It really helps with… that. Stops the coughing.”

You continued to stare at him strangely. He looked almost like a scared child even though he had a metal arm, long brown hair and a stubble covering half of his face. Bucky exhaled shakily then, lips curved into an unexpected and almost embarrassed smile.

“Thank you,” you mumbled. The atmosphere was heavily awkward as you took the drink from his hands, fingers connecting briefly before you lifted the glass up to your lips.

You were unable to make eye contact as you drunk the liquid as fast as you can, not really sure how to behave in front of a stranger that held one of your deepest darkest secrets. There was no point in calling him a friend as the two of you had barely exchanged actual sentences with each other.

Bucky gently took the glass from your hand once you were done, and as he did it there was no reticence or disgust in his movements when he started to pick up the petals from the floor. You helped him clean up the bathroom, the silence turning somewhat comfortable when you finally flushed away all the evidence. It didn’t really hit you until you were done, breaths turning shaky as you both finally get up from the floor. Your mouth felt like bursting with hundreds of questions as you walked out of the bathroom, not really knowing what to do except to stand awkwardly in the middle of the hallway.

Neither of you managed to actually start up a question, and so you just stood there quietly, wondering about his soulmate, eyes inevitably travelling down to the metal arm and wondering if that’s where the name had once belonged. He was wearing a black sweater that looked wide and cozy, big enough for him to cover his hands easily as he pulled at the sleeves self consciously the moment he noticed you staring.

He put them behind his back then, making you blush in embarrassment before looking up at him, eyes connecting. You tensed up when Bucky finally opened his mouth to speak, “she was called Velma,” he revealed.

“You don’t have to tell me,” you quickly responded, knowing from experience how uncomfortable he must have felt. “We can just pretend we don’t know or… or something.”

“No, no. It’s- It’s okay.” Bucky’s reply was just as awkward as you had been, his exterior finally showing something other than stoney expressions. He slipped in his hands into his jean pockets and for a second he allowed himself to move his eyes away, to show signs of embarrassment. “Do you, um,” he looked up again, licking his lips which had become uncomfortably dry, “do you want to stick around here for a bit, maybe talk? I can make you some food if you want, no, wait there’s no food, I can buy us take away though.”

“Ah, takeaway. Nothing like junk food to mend a broken heart, right?” You mused jokingly, a small smile appearing on your lips.

Soon the edges of Bucky’s own lips were bending upward so they matched the expression on your own. “Then let’s consider it like a band-aid over a deep wound,” he said, “a petty attempt that makes it seem like we’re trying.” He reached out and grabbed the cell phone from the kitchen side. It was a nokia phone and you could remember lending it to Steve on the first day Bucky moved in with him. Steve didn’t want to give Bucky an iPhone or something too complicated as it was going to be Bucky’s first cell phone.

He shook it in your direction, asking you one more time wordlessly if you wanted to stay.

No, you didn’t want to stay. But here he was, a man that had only been able to open up to Steve so far, willingly peeling away a layer of his iron skin and allowing you to see the part of him society forced him to keep hidden. How could you possibly say no to him after that? Knowing full well from experience that he was like a door, the kind that automatically locked on it’s own once shut. To leave would be to shut the door and have it lock on you forever, the key left inside.

“Pizza good with you?”

He nodded his head and allowed you to call up and order because you had a better idea over what was good around Steve’s apartment. During the wait you talked about small things with Bucky, things like the cat you always see outside your apartment and the flower pots outside of Bucky’s window on the fire escape, he didn’t know who put them there but he liked them and he started watering them. You were in the middle of talking about Bucky’s favourite movie - which also happened to be the first one he watched, surprisingly it was Batman, he seemed to like the story of a man trying to be good and having the world being against that, that’s when a knock sounded at the door.

Bucky was the one to go and get it, he returned holding two pizza boxes and a big box that was leaking fries out of the side. It held probably more food than the two of you could have consumed, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to spend the night trying.

“Here it is,” he announced, “our petty attempt to make it seem like we’re trying.” He referenced what was said earlier, taking a greasy pizza between his fingers. There was no hurt in his words, in fact he spoke like he was making a really funny joke. There was resignation as well, the kind that told you he’d stopped pitying himself a long time ago.

“We’re so sad,” you blurted out, a breathy chuckle escaping your lips. He joined in with your laughter, snickering under his breath before taking another huge bite. “So, tell me more about Velma then.” You couldn’t help but wonder about the aforementioned character. You’d measured his reaction carefully after mentioning her in case the subject was too uncomfortable for him. Bucky barely stiffened, finishing his third slice and sending you a quick, curious glance.

“You never answered my question,” he pointed out, making you recall earlier when he found you on the bathroom floor and asked you if it was Steve. During that moment you weren’t able to find it in yourself to answer his question, let alone formulate the words to reply. “Do you want some french fries?”

You shrugged, thoughts of keeping a balanced diet completely gone as Bucky moved the box over towards you, allowing you to take a handful. “This is so gross, but I’m not complaining,” you said, imitating him as you threw more than one of the fries into your mouth. “It is Steve, by the way,” you added after you swallowed, feeling your heart stutter when the words came out. “But you probably knew that already.”

Bucky nodded without hesitation, “it is quite obvious.”

You’d blushed hotly at his plain words, shoulders automatically slumping, “Natasha me told that too. But I’m not really worried about them noticing, their soulmates turn them blind-”

“-to anything around them, yeah.” He took the words right out of your mouth, sharing a silent look that spoke more than your mouths ever could. You quickly averted your eyes, clearing your throat at the sudden feeling of intimacy.

“Tell me about your soulmate,” you probed again and that time you were successful, because Bucky’s cheeks slowly turned a richer colour as a faint pink spread to his ears and neck, and it made you wonder if your eyes shined the way his own did when you ever thought about Steve.

“She was called Velma, and… she isn’t alive anymore. Her name appeared on my wrist before Hydra got to me.” He explained, voice turning quieter as he pronounced the words delicately. “Hydra cut my arm off that had her name on it and then… I could never forget about her, no matter what Hydra did to me, she was my soulmate after all, but I guess you know how painful that is. Not being able to forget and also not being able to love.”

“Yeah, I do.” Of course you knew. No one would ever be able to understand as much as you, understand that feeling of loving but hurting at the same time, of desiring to give your soulmate your bare heart even though you’re perfectly aware of the fact that they have no use for it and they never will. It’s a strange, complicated feeling that’s hard to put into words; but Bucky understood, you understood and that girl at the restaurant probably did too.

“Hydra didn’t just take my arm, they took her name. They took her name and all they’ve left me with is white lilies. I can’t even remember that much about her, I just remember how much I loved her.” He tried to laugh about it all, but the fake chuckle came out just as a dry, choked up sound which clutched at your heart. He swallowed, pushing away the unfinished plate of french fries. “Nevermind.”

“I’m sorry.” They were the simplest words and the most suited to this situation. There was nothing else you could do  other than say those words because it wasn’t like you could go bring Velma back from the dead. “I’m sorry you have to feel this way, it’s the curse of being a glitch.”

“Yeah,” Bucky agreed, angrily wiping a stray tear that had dared to try and float it’s way down his chin. “We’re biologically programmed to love and suffer. Or should I say we’re biologically programmed to be the most dramatic species ever.”

You couldn’t help but laugh out loud at Bucky’s statement, he certainly wasn’t far from the truth and it made you wonder if that was how everyone else perceived your kind. If they all just saw you as longtime sufferers that lived for delusions, dreaming and realities that were far too ridiculous to be taken seriously.

“Well, we can at least try to avoid that drama today,” you said, getting up and going over to the DVD stand in the frontroom and picking one of the very few that had been left. It was an action  movie, the only one left there as Steve had taken the rest and left only romance movies and some of the disney ones you’d accidentally left over at his whilst trying to get him into them.

An hour later and you and Bucky were somewhat snuggled up in the couch, somehow the two of you had managed to get closer, shoulders now touching and your head could have easily moved to rest in the crook of his neck which it threatened to do as sleep began to weigh on you. You looked over to Bucky to see how he was faring with the rather dull action movie that was playing and he actually seemed to be enjoying it.

He was still munching on the pizza which you’d given up on before him, alternating between eating and taking sips of lemonade (a drink he seemed to have stocked up on, and for good reason). His blue eyes were wide and focused, deeply concentrating on the movie and the sight inevitably made you smirk fondly. It had become quite clear near the beginning on the movie that Bucky had actually seen it before as he managed to recall some of the lines as they were being spoken and he didn’t jump when random explosions happened like you had.

“You look like a kid right now,” you mused, voice mixing in with the characters dialogue in the movie. Bucky’s eyes slid from the movie to throw you a glare which had you quickly raising your hands in defeat, “I never said it was a bad thing.” You tried to defend, “with our shitty situations it’s awesome that you have things like moves to make you happy, you know?”

Bucky’s glare vanished but he remained serious as he put his lemonade down onto a table beside the couch, he mulled over your words for a few seconds before replying. “Happiness? I don’t think I know what that feels like, not yet. But I still like to try and search for it.”

You both shared a look then and you noticed the way his deep eyes turned warm and sympathetic. It was still a stare that left you slightly perplexed, especially after getting use to being part of the most misunderstood group of humans in the entire world.

“I should probably do the same,” you responded after a few seconds, finishing the conversation as the loud noises of the move forced you to focus on it again. Even though it was an action movie you spend most of it unable to keep a straight face, giggling to yourself every time Bucky would repeat lines and throw spoilers seconds before it would happen on the screen.

“Are you sure they aren’t your soulmate?” You asked, pointing out the main protagonist of the movie right before the movie finished.

Bucky began to stretch out his limbs. “Hmm, I wish he was. Him, or you.” He pronounced the words so casually that their meaning didn’t hit you until a few seconds later. And the sudden blush was hot in your face as the embarrassment crawled up your spine, the flush only spread quicker when you noticed Bucky’s own blank stare and the way his cheeks were dusted in traces of red.

Your body seemed to react faster than your own befuddled mind, choosing to laugh it off as your awkward chuckles cut through the sudden atmosphere that had thickened thanks to Bucky’s statement. “I’m in second place then? I see it is,” you said, hoping that your voice came out natural enough.

Bucky could only smile in relief, getting up and started to pick up the rest of the takeaway. Together you’d managed to eat one and a half pizza and an entire box of fries, as well as one bottle of lemonade. “Come and help me clean this up then. Steve thinks I’m going to let this place fall apart and I have to prove a point.”

It was way too late when you finally finishing making the living room looking and immaculate and Bucky insisted that you stayed the night considering there was a spare bed. Even though it was slightly awkward at first, the bond that had formed between you two was growing strong enough to push away all that embarrassment and so you remained in that living room with Bucky for the rest of the night, talking with ease about things that you’d always keep netted to your tongue, disguising the words with silence instead so no one would ever find out about you.

“So what do we talk about now?” He wondered out loud, closing his eyes tightly as he rubbed at them, leaning his head on the back of the couch.

“I don’t know,” you laid next to him, placing your legs onto the couch with your feet pressing against his side. In your position you were able to see the moon from the window, it’s dull glow reaching inside of the room and reflecting itself on almost every surface of the room. “We can talk about anything though, we’re both glitches so there’s nothing to hide.”

“I don’t know about that. I think holding myself back has turned way too normal for me to let go,” he yawned deeply, stretching his real arm out, making you wonder the mechanics on his metal arm. “I have an idea,” he suddenly said, reaching out with his arms to grab a hold of your legs so he could hoist them onto his lap and allowed you to get a little more comfortable. “Let’s sleep.”

“Here?” He didn’t respond. “Sure,” you said, trying to close your eyes as you leaned back onto the armrest. It was a challenge for you to contain the urge to fidget as you blinked up at the ceiling. The silence was too unnerving and you found yourself staring at the open windows, quietly remembering the events of the day as you bit into your bottom lip hesitantly.

“Hey, Bucky?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you really mean what you said earlier, about me, being your soulmate?” You blushed faintly when you felt him moving against your side, making you feel slightly guilty at the fact that you’d made all trace of sleep fade from Bucky’s brain.

“Why do you ask?” He asked softly, voice slightly rough and sleepy.

“I’m just… curious, I guess.” You don’t tell him that it’s probably the energy that’s coursing through your veins that’s making you talk, unable to fall unconscious as you waited for Bucky to continue the conversation.

“I mean, if I had the choice… you’re pretty cool, I guess.”

You can only smile at the awkwardness in his tone, biting your lip again. “But I’m not Velma.”

“And I’m not Steve.”

Those were good points, though also slightly upsetting points. There was a brief silence for a few second, and the sigh that left your mouth was too loud in the stilled atmosphere. “Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if there might be another way to fix this, one that isn’t the surgery.”

“You mean like falling in love with someone else?” Bucky caught onto your words instantly and your heart inexplicably stuttered in a strange nervousness.

“Yeah, why not? Why not love two people at the same time?”

You felt him move again and afterward you finally dared to turn your head towards him, immediately finding his eyes staring back towards you. Your words seemed to linger in the air as you stared at each other, thoughts becoming muddles as you scanned his face in deep curiosity. You couldn’t deny how attractive he truly was. Even though all of your love and attraction was only pointed at Steve Rogers, you weren’t blind to how Bucky possessed some naturally alluring features.

But there were no butterflies in your stomach and your heart didn’t race the way it always would when you thought about Steve. In that moment it was almost frustrating and you had this sudden ridiculous desire to want Bucky but being completely unable to do it.

“Can we kiss?”

Tags: @adidabach @nikolanna @caitlinr03 @napping-ghost @ex-bookjunky @brokengirl552 @thelostswan @anasweettj @blaceshira @chynagirl13 @kianya-loves @fangirlingandcrying @monsis-world @mamacta83701 @gingerbatchwife @cami23593 @thebookisbtr @the-witching-hours12-3 @hollycornish @feelmyroarrrr @ipaintmelodies @yep-im-that-girls @the-fastest-mutant-sith @heytherepartner @calicokitkat @satansknittingclub @hollycornish @sebstanwassup @imgettingmarriedtobuckybarnes @breenieweenie

(confession: I don’t know how you actually tag people, sorry if I did it wrong)

04.14.2017

SW: 223
GW: 160
CW: 158!!! 👍😱

I did it! I don’t know how but I lost eleven lbs in three weeks and was able to hit my goal weight by my last doctor’s appt! The picture showing 159.8 was three days ago, and yesterday I weighed in at 158. I’m so proud of myself for accomplishing what I set out to do. I did NOT think I would be able to get back to this weight no matter how much I worked. Despite the self doubt I persevered, I worked very hard, and I did what I set out to do. It is possible; keep working for what you want. I’ve learned that there are no easy ways out. You just have to remind yourself that you are in control, and your decisions are the only thing that will help get you to your goal or take you further away from it.